What I Want

by Naraku's Phoenix

AU. Haruhi makes a deal with the black wizard, Nekozawa, in exchange for her mother's life. Taken away from her home she is thrust into a world of sorcery and knighthood and must carve her own path in life. (All chaps written in 2008/2009 (Ch. 1-18) are currently undergoing revision to provide you with a better reading experience; updates will continue as normal as time permits.)

9. Conversation With My Specter

Naraku's Phoenix: Just to clarify, this entire chapter/conversation is taking place inside of Nekozawa's mind.

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'What do you think of her Bereznoff?' Nekozawa mused.

"I want to snap her pretty little neck!"

'So you think she's pretty, too?'

"Baka, always the foolish Romantic. No doubt I find her interesting, but she'll turn out just like all the others and you know it!"

'Somehow, I highly doubt that. She's going to be my student, you know.'

"So I've heard," drawled Bereznoff, "But she'll realize what she's gotten herself into sooner or later, and she'll push you away like the rest. You may have your pleasantries amongst people, but you've never been one for friends."

'Why are you so threatened by her?'

"Why are you so affectionate with her?"

'I'm not entirely sure, but is it so wrong to want to be loved?'

"You've been loved before."

'Not that kind of love; I want the forever kind.'

"Again with your masochistic romanticism, you stupid boy! Why do you insist on hurting yourself this way? She'll leave you sooner or later, after she's realized what a mistake she's made."

'You're wrong,' snapped Nekozawa, 'She's going to be my student and my companion. Someone I can finally call a true friend and relate to. She'll be there to take care of me like she's done today, and I'll do the same for her. We'll never been lonely again.'

"You might not be lonely, but what about her? You should have gone ahead and let me play with her instead of keeping me out with that silly little circle of yours."

Nekozawa smiled inwardly, 'As if you would play nice.'

"I wouldn't be too rough with her…at least not the first time."

'You, my friend, are a sadist.'

"And you're a masochist, if I may so pointedly reiterate myself."

'Which is why we balance each other out so well; we're the perfect blend of yin and yang.'

"Not since she came into our lives. Why did you have to accept her offer, anyway? We could have easily turned her down and let her mother die! We should have let her die! She should have died! She should die! …Let's kill her…"

'Now, now Bereznoff, let's not be hasty. If Haruhi behaves me like she should it won't have to come to that.'

"And how long will that last? It'll just end with her hurting you, anyway, so why put off the inevitable? Let's just kill her and get it over with! There's so many ways to do it; we can make it quick and clean if that makes you feel any better."

'You don't really want to hurt her.'

"What makes you think that?"

'I know you,' Nekozawa simply stated, 'you're just as fascinated as I am. You want to keep her all to yourself, and you're pissed because I won't let you get near her. You're only saying these things to upset me.'

"Hmph!"

'And you know I'm right. I also know that you like looking at her, that you want to talk to her, and you want to touch her.'

"Think what you will, but you still need to put us before her. Don't let your own studies and goals slip just because you're taking time out for that girl."

'Those who teach retain eighty percent-"

"And you'll be teaching her white magick, of all things! What is up with that?"

'I just want her to be comfortable. We'll move onto the darker aspects when she's ready.'

"Ever the optimistic."

'Ever the pessimistic.'

The two of them remained silent for a moment while Haruhi came in to check up on Nekozawa and bring him some soup. It was as if he and Bereznoff didn't want to be distracted from the young woman before them, and they halted their conversation as if Haruhi knew there were more than two people in the room. When she left they resumed talking.

"I suppose she isn't so bad, but it will take a lot of warming up for her to trust me."

'As if I would ever let you have the opportunity to gain her trust. I'm putting that circle around her every damn time you take control.'

"Ouch. Then I guess I'll have to try harder. The most you can do is warn her, but I'll have the final say. And then I'll use your hands to claw her face and draw blood from her skin-"

'Oh, shut up,' Nekozawa calmly commanded, 'I need some sleep.'