chapter twenty-three

Bobby was mad at me.

It wasn't the type of mad that lasted just twenty minutes, the type of mad that made her pout and cross her arms and stomp off. This was a type of mad that left her straight faced and stoic, mouth in a hard line and looking straight ahead like I wasn't there. She was frigid.

And I almost didn't notice.

While she drove us to school in the morning, I leaned my forehead against the window and watched the trees pass by, searching. My mind was so wrapped up and tangled in the idea of the truth that I didn't notice the way she huffed or how tired her eyes looked or even the fact that she hadn't said a word to me the entire morning. I was in the trees, running between branches and searching for Briah and calling for his name and she was sitting next to the lifeless version of me, wondering when I would realize that this was the longest she had been silent.

My thumbs were moving quickly over my phone, not even pretending to care about whatever biology work I was supposed to be doing. Bobby already did it. Bobby always did the lab work. My phone buzzed. His smell was pretty strong. We won't miss it again. I twisted around in my chair to look at Embry, eyes narrows and features scrunched in confusion. He looked to big for his chair, hands dangling below the desk, holding his own phone. He shrugged at me, and I whipped back around.

again? you mean you've missed it before?

I mean, the scent was familiar. But no one ever knew it was him.

oh my god.

But now we know.

It took me a while, after Embry confirmed suspicions I already had, to regain my composure and have the ability to do literally anything at all. But once I did, I was bombarding him with questions. I was completely desperate for anything sort of answers, any information that he might have had.

"You know, you could like, at least pretend to be interesting in maintaining a friendship with me?" Bobby said suddenly, voice low, like a whisper. Like she wasn't sure if she wanted me to hear it or not. But I did, and it ripped my attention away from my phone and from Embry and from my brother and made my head spin.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confusion genuine.

Bobby rolled her eyes towards me, big and bruised. I realized then, while she was looking at me with a tired, make-up free face and a snarl in her lips, that Bobby Evans was really fucking mad at me. "Look, I know you're wrapped up in something right now, because you're always going through something. Like, oh my god I've never met someone so prone to constant conflict. And I always try to be there for you whenever you're having a hard time, which is, like I said, literally always, but have you thought that maybe I need you to be there for me from time to time?" The way she spoke was so jagged and raw. It stung more than screams would and felt displaced.

"I," I started, shaking my head, "I didn't know something was going on? You could've just told me?"

"Maybe if you hadn't been so busy leading Embry on for attention than you would've noticed," Bobby snapped, voice rising and eyes widening for just a moment before she breathed, regaining her composure. "Look, I'm sorry," she said, gently, soothing, "but I've done a lot for you. I let you stay with me when things got hard with your parents and I drive you around everywhere and I talk you through all of your problems and now my parents are back and they're giving me a hard time and it's really fucking me up. Like, I need you to be my friend right now."

She was right and I stared her down knowing that there was no way I could escape this situation and I didn't want to make it worse but I didn't know what to say. I just looked at her and hoped something would come to me but all I could think about was how fucked up it was of me to just ignore her when I was living in her house. "I didn't realize-"

"Because you haven't been paying attention."

"Look, I'm sorry," I said with a sigh, leaning in towards her. "Can I make it up to you somehow?" I asked, but she just crossed her arms and turned her head away from me. "I can," I started, and then retreated. "I work early on Saturday but after we can like, have a day that's just us? I mean, we could go to Seattle or Portland and talk and shop and eat a lot of food and you can dress me up in skirts and stuff that."

I had never tried so hard to win Bobby over. It was just like, one day she was just in my life, and that was it. She was there every day since then with thick pouted lips and words of comfort slated and ready. Pleading felt so out of place for me. I wondered if I would do this with Kim. And she looked at me with softer eyes and said, "Well, it's a start."

"Have your parents really been that bad?" I asked, shifting around in my seat. "I know your dad was kind of acting like a dick but your mom seemed nice enough. I mean, at least it kind of seemed like she was trying, but-"

"They wanna sell the house," Bobby cut me off, and her words made me fall back into her seat. "My dad says it's not economical to keep the house when they barely spend any time there. So they wanna sell it and pull me out of here so I can finish school in Seattle."

My heart was beating in my throat as my phone buzzed in my hands and I thought that maybe if everything just happened one at a time, one after the other, I would be able to have some sort of grip on reality. But everything just stacked on top of each other and I thought I might never get a chance to catch my breath. "You can't go," I stated. It was a fact, it was simple. Bobby couldn't leave. And I would not let her leave.

But she just shrugged. "My dad's pretty dead set on it. I'm trying to get him to wait until I at least graduate. The jury's out on that one, though. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

I bit down on my lip. "What if-"

"I'm not killing my dad just so we can stay in the house."

"That wasn't gonna be my suggestion, but I'm actually pretty proud that you've considered it," I said with a slight smile. "What I was gonna say is, what if we lived together?" I suggested, and Bobby looked at me with wide eyes. "We both hate our parents. I have a decent amount of money saved up from work. You're rich. Maybe we could get like, an apartment or lease out some place. I dunno."

She hummed, pursing her lips. "I think we might be too young to like, buy a place. But I think maybe we could like, keep it as a backup idea if nothing else works out." She paused, tapping her fingers against the desk before adding, "Besides, I don't think it'll get to that point. When it comes to arguing with my parents, I can be pretty persuasive."

My phone buzzed in my hands once more. I frowned at Bobby and said to her, "Yeah, I fucking hope so."

"So what's been up with you?" Bobby asked, shifting the conversation easily. "I know you normally don't care about your surroundings or like, other people, but you've been extra spaced today." She halted. "Are you high right now?"

"No," I said with a frown. "I wish. But no."

Bobby stared at me expectantly. "Is that it? Is the problem just that you're not high?"

I wondered if Kim struggled with lying to me as much as I struggled with lying to Bobby and suddenly felt a gust of sympathy towards the girl. I spared a glance in her direction. Kim was sitting in the same spot she always did, where I used to sit next to her. Her head was down, hair acting like a curtain around her face and her shoulders hunched. I thought of the way she cried when I told her friendship wasn't an option for me anymore and how I had to fight off this impulse to hug her and tell her everything would be okay. Kim was so fragile.

And I figured that's why I was sitting next to Bobby and not her. I was too sharp, too hard, to be around someone who could crumble so easily.

"Just thinking about what you said," I answered, taking my eyes off of Kim and turning to pretend to focus on the lab work Bobby had already finished. "Been on my mind recently." It was a lie, a blatant and boldfaced lie. Nothing Bobby had said was on the forefront of my mind. There was only one thing I could focus on. And maybe yesterday, before my unspoken theory was confirmed for me, I could have considered what she said a little bit more. But now there was just not enough room inside of my for another little problem like that.

She ate it up. She put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me like I was the most pitiful little thing she had ever laid eyes on. "Remy," Bobby said my name like it was heavy, "I know it sucks to think about. And I'm sorry that you're so romantically illiterate I had to spell it out for you."

I snorted. "What a nice way of putting it."

"That is the nice way of putting it," she said plainly. "I could be meaner about it if you want, but I thought we were having a tender little moment there, you brat."

"I'm not good at tender moments. I have a timer on how long I'm allowed to be emotional and everyone's been so sensitive lately I'm down to like, three minutes now." I leaned back in my chair. "I thought I'd be living, laughing, and loving by now. I'm not doing any of those things."

Bobby raised her eyebrows at me, gathering her things as the bell rang. "Are any of us?"

I almost felt bad for Embry. I wondered if he ever regretted following me around until I willing accepted his company, because there was no way he could've known that I would take up almost all of his time. But even though almost all the time we spent together was me running my mouth and pestering him with questions, he never showed an ounce of annoyance. Embry always looked at me with soft smiles and eager eyes.

I was sitting on his bed, legs crossed with my philosophy of happiness paper half-finished resting on the tops of my thighs. I wasn't writing, just holding a pencil in my hand and watching Embry try to do algebra homework at his desk with furrowed and confused features. A small smile grew on my face. There was something very innocent about him and the way he was. He was never angry or harsh or spiteful. And I had done plenty of things to deserve his anger. Embry was everything I was not, patient and kind and careful and charismatic and there was this softness inside of him that made me feel like the harshest parts of me were unnecessary.

"Do you have any idea where Bear could be?" I asked after a moment of staring, gently tapping my pencil against the edge of my jaw.

"No," Embry replied on an exhale, still staring down at his homework. "He got pretty far north yesterday before we lost the trial, and we don't know where he's technically been staying. Do you know what the hell an imaginary number is supposed to be?"

I smiled. "I know that it's an evil and confusing concept and you can blame René Descartes for it. God I hate that bastard. Did you know he's the one who theorized a connection between ethics and metaphysics?"

Embry let out a groan that I thought would rumble the entire house. "You know the more time I spend with you, the more I realize that dead philosophers are the ones to blame for everything I hate. Imaginary numbers, HBO miniseries, capitalism."

"I'm not sure which philosopher's to blame for HBO, I have to admit," I said, leaning my chin against the palm of my hand. "Can you stop changing the subject, though? You know how easily distracted I am."

He frowned at me. "Remy, you know everything I know about the situation. I'll tell you any new information as soon as I get it."

It wasn't enough for me. And it was my impulse to look Embry in the eye and tell him he wasn't doing enough to find my brother, but I stopped myself. Because, at the end of the day, Embry didn't have to look for him. It wasn't his job and it wasn't his responsibility. He wouldn't' gain anything from finding Briah. Embry was doing it because he was my friend and because he was kind and I felt like I had to constantly remind myself of that fact because I was just so fucking eager to see Bear again. "I feel like, I dunno, I could be doing more to try and find him. Instead of just sitting here."

"No offense, Remy, but there's nothing really for you, or any human, to do," he explained, his homework now completely abandoned. "There's a pretty specific skill set required for this kind of work, and I know you're scrappy but I don't think you cut it."

I raised an eyebrow and reached for my backpack. Embry watched with curious eyes as I fished around the bottom of the bag and then they widened in horror when I pulled out my pocket knife and held it proudly in the air. It was just a few inches too long to be legal and it used to belong to Bear. I never figured out where he got it from but I fished it out of his sock drawer a few weeks after I thought he was dead. "They're like sharks right? I could just, y'know, go out into the woods and offer up some fresh blood and if he's within a couple miles-"

"No," Embry said firmly, lurching forward at a speed to fast for me to stop him to grab the knife from my hand. "Absolutely not. Not a chance in hell."

"Oh come on," I argued, "it's not like I'm plunging the blade into my heart."

Embry looked at me with a severe expression. "If he smells your blood, he'll kill you." And when I laughed at the notion, he shook his head and sat down next to me on his bed, grabbing my wrists in his hands. "Remy, I'm serious. This is why I wanted you to hear the legends first, so you know they type of things he's capable of. He's still your brother but he's not the same. And I know you're eager to find him, but Briah's dangerous to be around."

I thought of the slaughter in our tribe and of dead and lifeless bodies flooded the streets of Seattle and no matter how violent and angry my brother was I couldn't picture him wrecking that kind of havoc. Especially not on me. "Briah wouldn't hurt me," I assured him, confident in the fact. "He loves me."

His fingers were hot against the skin on my wrists. "I'm not saying he doesn't. But Briah's different now. Okay? Please understand that. And when we find him, he might not be safe for you to be around."

There was a fire in my voice when I said, "If you think you're gonna keep me away from Bear then you're dead wrong."

"That's not what I meant, Remy," he said. "I just mean, like, immediately. I asked Jacob to talk to Bella so she could ask her leech boyfriend about it. If they're useful for anything, it would be this." And when I said nothing, he searched for more words to appease me. "I just want you to be prepared for whatever happens. Cause like, a lot could happen, and I'm not gonna let you walk into a situation that puts you in danger."

I groaned. "You think everything is dangerous!"

"And you think nothing is dangerous! If not for me, I'm pretty sure nothing would stop you from stealing blood donations from the Red Cross and camping out in the woods until you found him." He watched the way that information processed on my face and said, "This isn't the type of situation for you to be impulsive. Let's just take it a day at a time and be patient, alright?"

"I'm sorry, do you know who you're talking to?"

Again, he groaned, this time collapsing against the bed. "You're killing me here," he complained, and then shot up to a sitting position again. "I really feel like asking you not to put yourself in life-threatening positions is really the bare minimum here."

I frowned. "I care more about finding my brother than I do about anything and if that means there's some risk for me than it's worth it."

"I'm making a lot of compromises here. You can't even begin to understand how much this goes against my nature. Like, the idea of letting you alone with a leech," he paused, sucking in air and holding it for a few seconds before letting it go again, "all of my instincts are screaming at me to keep you away from him. But I know how much you've missed your brother and how much you love him, so I'm gonna against literally every bit of instinct I have just to make you happy. So can you please, pretty please, just keep yourself safe and be patient? I'm not asking that much, Remy."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Embry's words were so heavy and I knew he said that he told me everything there was to tell me but the way he spoke made me feel like there was something I was blind too. And I didn't understand and I felt lost at his words but the way he said them made me just nod my head. "I mean, I guess," I agreed begrudgingly.

Embry slid off the bed and picked up his abandoned algebra. "I've never had to work so hard to convince someone to consider their own physical safety before."

"Oh, that reminds me, are you gonna be busy this weekend?" I asked him, picking my own homework back up.

"You mean besides looking for your brother and looking for the leech that's hunting Bella? No, not really. Why?"

I gave him the most innocent smile I could muster. "Cause me and Bobby are gonna go to Portland on Saturday and we need a designated driver on retainer." He shot me an unimpressed look. "You know, just in case."

"Fine," he agreed after a long moment, "But you have to hang out with me all day Sunday."

"If that's your only condition, then you're a sucker. Cause I would've done that anyways."

Embry looked over at me with a grin so bright it made me think that being patient wouldn't be as hard as I thought it would.

I leaned up against Bobby's counter, plunging my fork into bowl of pineapples her mother had left out on the table. My phone was ringing, vibrating against her counter tops. I declined it, instead watching Bobby pace around her kitchen with her phone in her hand. "I'm gonna call her."

"Then call her," I replied, mouth full of pineapple.

Bobby ran a hand through her hair and tugged at the roots. I'd never seen her look so distressed, pacing around in her pink little track suit and dark hair frizzy and flying loose. And this may have made me a bad friend, but there was something so special about seeing Bobby broken down like this. It was a beautiful reminder that even the most put together person I knew could be as messy as me. "But she said she didn't want to talk to me."

"Then don't call her," I offered, declining the call on my phone when it started ringing again.

"But I don't know," she whined, stomping her feet down on the kitchen floor. "I really like her."

"Then call her."

She stopped mid-pace and glared. "You're not being helpful."

"You only have two options, Bobby," I told her, waving around the chunky piece of fruit that hung from the tip of my fork. "I'm not quite sure what other option you want me to present you with."

Bobby stopped, looked at me with white eyes and with a eager tone, said ,"What if you called her and told her that you're in love with her? And then if she rejects you, then we'll know she's into me." She smiled, like this was a good idea.

"First of all, no. Second, I'm not sure that that's what that would mean."

There was a brief lull in conversation in which the only sounds were my slow chewing and Bobby tapping her finger against the screen of her phone. "I've never been nervous over a girl before," she said in a hushed voice, not looking up at me.

"I know. It's annoying."

"Okay well we all can't have our own version of Embry Call," she snapped, any softness in her voice disappearing. "Some people actually have to worry about whether or not the person they like actually cares about them."

I rolled my eyes at her. Bobby loved to talk about who I should date and who she thought wanted to date me whenever she couldn't figure out what to do with her own life. And that was the absolute last thing I wanted to talk about. "This again? How come every time we're talking about your misfortune with Leah Clearwater you deflect off to my love life."

Bobby grinned, like she caught me. "So you admit Embry's a part of your love life?"

"Call Leah or I'm gonna break your legs," I said, voice firm as my phone started ringing again. I was half tempted to answer, but I just pressed my thumb down hard on the decline button.

Bobby raised an eyebrow at me. "Who's been calling you?"

"My mom," I told her. I hadn't talked to my mother since she called me while I was on the beach with Embry. I refused to talk to her; the idea of hearing her voice made my blood feel like nails. And even though I was in near constant panic over what would happen to Briah and consumed with the idea of finding him, almost everything else in my life was falling into place. I didn't matter to me that I wasn't talking to my parents. The further away I was from my mother, the healthier and happier I felt. Bobby was more of a mother to me than she ever had been, and Bobby was just eighteen.

"Are you gonna answer?" Bobby asked hesitantly.

I put the phone in my pocket and went back in on the pineapple. "No."

She titled her head. "Well, what if it's important?"

"Nothing she'll say to me will be as important as what you have to say to Leah Clearwater."

"I really don't think that's true."

"We'll never know if you don't call her."

Bobby groaned, stomping down on the ground again. "This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make."

"God you're like a toddler." And when I felt my phone buzz from my pocket once more, I yelled, "Oh my god leave me alone!" I pulled it out and was ready to scream at my mother, but halted when I saw the name flash across the screen. "Oh, I don't know this number."

"Exciting. Maybe it's Leah Clearwater."

I rolled my eyes at her and answered, pressing the phone against my ear. "Hello?"

"Remy? Hi, um, it's Bella. Bella Swan. I'm Jacob's friend."

My eyes widened at the soft and shaking voice. She sounded nervous. Bobby shot me a look of confusion, so I said, "Oh, right Bella Swan. What's up?" At the sound of her name Bobby's mouth dropped slightly.

She chuckled nervously on the other line. "Right, so I'm sorry if this is weird, but I was actually wondering if you wanted to um, hang out sometime this weekend?"

The panic was clear on my face. Bobby said whispered, "What is she saying?" and I shrugged, phone still firm against the side of my face.

"Um, one second," I said into the phone and then pressed it hard into my chest. "She wants to hang out with me this weekend?" I said to Bobby in a squeaky voice than sounded an octave higher than it normally did.

Bobby's expression must have mirrored mine. "What? Why?"

"I don't know! We met once and I was mean. What do I say?"

"Well, do you wanna hang out with her?" Bobby asked, leaning in closer to me.

"No," I said definitively.

Bobby rolled her eyes. "I got this," she said, reaching her hand out towards me. Hesitantly, I placed my phone in her hand. And in one swift motion, she brought it up to her ear and said into the receiver, "We'll pick you up at noon on Saturday. Can't wait. Bye!" she rushed, and slid the phone back to me.

I gaped at her. "What the hell was that?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't be mean about it. Any one brave enough to talk to you deserves to have a chance."

I pouted for the rest of the night, thinking about just how much I didn't want to hang out with Bella Swan. And maybe it might've been useful if it was just the two of us, and I could flood her with questions about what vampires are like and maybe even convince her to introduce me to her vampire boyfriend. But Bobby would be there and it would be a full day of unwilling bonding and girl time. I couldn't think of anything more irritating than socializing, never mind unwillingly. And for some reason, I felt like it was Embry's fault.

last chapter i left a/n saying i was too busy with current events to update and that i didn't want to expand. after thinking about it, i decided to update my stance and this is the edit i left on the note. i realized there is no incorrect platform to discuss this. im posting it again on this chapter for those of you who missed it:

anyways ive been thinking and yes, i have been marching for the black lives matter movement. i have been marching almost every day since the protests started and i want to talk about it. i was nervous to discuss it for two reasons. first, its been dangerous for protesters out there and im nervous about protecting myself. i have been beaten by cops and pepper sprayed for peacefully protesting and living in a police state is a very scary situation. second, its been very difficult to unplug from the violence and i wanted this story to be a place where people could come and decompress from whats going on, because i know how draining everything can be. but i want all my readers to know that i am and have been very outspoken about the blm movement and am extremely firm in my beliefs. if any of my readers are uncomfortable by my beliefs and do not support the blm movement, i beg you to stop reading my writing and stop consuming my work. let me repeat that, if you do not support the black lives matter movement, please do not read my story. i will not be expanding or discussing that point. thank you.

i also want to add if youre confused about whats going on or want some sort of clarification, you can ask me.

hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. we're building up to the very important moments that i'm very, very excited about. i know im still not exactly up to par yet, but hopefully i'll get there soon enough