chapter twenty-four

While I rolled around in soft sheets and struggled to keep my bloodshot eyes closed, I thought about Embry Call. There wasn't anything in particular about him that lingered in my thoughts. It was just that whenever I closed my eyes I saw the way he looked at me. I felt the warmth of his hand cupping mine. I heard the softness in the way he spoke; no words in particular just the low hum of his voice in my ears. And it immobilized me.

I dragged myself down to Bobby's backyard, wearing a sweatshirt I stole from Embry that fell halfway down my thighs. It still smelled like him, the scent of pine and freshness and I pulled the hood over my head to completely encase myself in it. And even though I was alone, my cheeks still flushed when the end of the sleeve flopped over my the tips of my fingers and I brought it up to my nose.

Unpicked weeds and grass tickled the bottom on my thighs when I settled the grass with my back up against the foundation of the house, staring right into the forest, thinking of the people I care about and how they might be weaving between the trees. My thumb hovered over the keyboard of my phone and I wondered if Embry cared about me as much as I thought he did, or if I was conflating his interest in me to match my own in him. I pressed send, wondering if he would even be awake to read it.

I didn't know how I felt about Embry. I knew that I was happier when he was around and when he was gone I spent most of that time thinking about him. I knew that he was the only person in the world who could rip my thoughts away from my undead brother. I knew that I liked the way it felt when he held my hand or kissed the top of my head and that if anyone else tried that they'd be nursing a broken nose. I knew that whenever he said something about Bella Swan my gut twisted up and my throat tightened and I knew that he had made his way onto the list of people I'd throw a punch and land in jail for. And, above all, I knew that Embry had wormed his into my life and now, if he were to leave, it would cut me up just a little too deep. I wasn't stupid enough to think that those feelings didn't have any implications but when I imagined anything beyond our current dynamic I filled up with dread, like I swallowed cement. I just wanted to be around him. I didn't want to complicate anything.

Looking back, I wasn't even sure of how it happened. It was sudden and strong; one day I was alone, and the next Embry was by my side, comforting me and annoying me and refusing to let me ignore him. I couldn't remember what living felt like before he feel to his knees before me outside of Kim's house. There was no way how I could trace the frustration and annoyance I felt towards him to this mixed bag of indescribable emotions that made no sense to me. It felt like every time I was around him, I was in a trance.

My phone hadn't vibrated but I checked it anyways, knowing there wouldn't be anything there but still feeling disappointed when there wasn't. I dropped my head against the house, nervous energy bubbling in my stomach all the way up to my throat. This was the feeling I always got before I saw Embry, a stupid and buzzing feeling that I couldn't get rid of and I couldn't control. It totally consumed every part of me until I saw him again. It made time go slow and my legs bounce involuntarily and it was like nothing I had ever felt before.

Embry always showed up, even when I didn't ask for him. I tried to remind myself of that while I stared at a blank screen, waiting for something that might not ever come. The Remy that existed two months ago wouldn't have ever sent a late night text asking for company, and she especially wouldn't have chewed her cheeks apart waiting for a response

For a moment, I indulged in imaging what Briah would think of Embry. Not the Briah that existed now, inhuman, with a tainted image, but the one that I knew. I didn't think he'd like him, at first. Bear would give him a hard time, questioning and threatening and challenging. I wondered if he'd hold out a shot of whiskey towards Embry and offer my company as a reward for taking it, like he did before. And even though Bear would watch Embry with slanted eyes and a snarled lip, he'd get used to him. Eventually he'd stop calling him a bitch and a pussy and start calling him by his name.

There was a rustling in the trees and I snapped my head up at the sound. It was like the shaking of leaves had me trained to be on alert, to know something was coming and to be prepared for whatever could come out from the other side.

First, I saw the nose, black and twitching, like it was sniffing for something. It was the nose, and then it was everything. I must have stopped breathing at the sight of him. He was massive, taller than me just standing on all fours. And he was sleek, black and grey and distinct. He stood there, a good distance away from me, with his nose pointed down and eyes on me, waiting for some sort of reaction. When I didn't move, he stepped closer, closing in on me until I could see his eyes. I smiled when I realized they were exactly the same.

"Do a trick," I called out to him, grinning, half-expecting him to flip over backwards or stand on his hind legs. But instead, he just dropped to the ground with a heavy thud, rolling over on his back and his tongue falling out of the side of his mouth. I shook my head. "Horrible trick. I could do that. Zero out of ten."

It was almost unsettling how human he looked as a giant wolf, and seeing him roll his eyes at me made my eyes widen. He rolled upright once more, and trotted off back into the woods. I waited, arms wrapped around my legs, staring at the spot he disappeared into. Embry Call returned, two-legged and shirtless, just a moment later, strutting towards me with that stupid smile that kept me awake. "So I can turn into a giant wolf and that's not enough of a trick for you? You want more?"

He sat next to me and I settled into his side like I was meant to be there. His arm was around my shoulder and my head was on his. The goosebumps on my legs faded away when I was next to him. His warmth spread throughout me and made me sweat under his sweatshirt. "I'm just saying that if you do have that ability, you might as well do something more interesting with it." I could feel him chuckle, and he rested his head on top of mine. For a moment, it was just the two of us, breathing. And then I said, "I didn't think you were gonna come."

"Why wouldn't I come?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused at the idea.

I shrugged, looking down at the way our legs pressed together. "I dunno. Cause you think I'm annoying and needy and you'd rather shoot yourself in the foot with a nail gun than spend more time with me?"

Embry scoffed. "Stop being dumb."

"I'm not being dumb. It's totally possible."

"It is literally impossible," he asserted. "Like, scientifically and physically impossible for me to get sick of you."

"Everyone does," I said, tone light and joking despite the heavy implications. "My parents, Kim. I'm even prepared to find all of my shit out on the street when Bobby gets tired of me."

"Why do you joke about that stuff? About me and Bobby and all your friends not wanting to be around you anymore?" he asked, his thumb tracing circles on the top of my arm as he spoke.

"If I joke about the things I'm afraid of then I won't be afraid of them, they'll just be funny."

He squeezed me for moment, and said, "That's sad."

"No, becoming consumed by your fears is sad. Making light of them is an effective form of coping."

Embry sighed. "I'm glad you texted me. Tonight sucked and I couldn't fall asleep," he said after a moment, taking my dirty and colorful cast in his hand and tracing his fingers over the bumps.

"What happened?" I asked, voice no louder than a whisper. It made me nervous when something was wrong with Embry. Nervous that something really really fucked up had happened and angry, angry in a strange, protective way that I hadn't been able to quick wrap my head around.

Embry shifted his weight around, tapping his foot against the grass. He sighed, and said, "What would you do if you found out Bobby was your half-sister?"

I frowned. "What?"

"Hypothetically," he added quickly.

"I dunno," I answered with a shrug, skeptical of his intentions. "I guess it would be cool. I mean, Bobby's already like my sister and I live at her place, so I'm not really sure what difference it would make."

"Even if it meant your dad cheated on your mom?" he pushed, voice not as low and soothing as it normally was.

"I wouldn't blame him if he did." I leaned away from Embry to look up at him, and his features with furrowed. "What's this all about?"

He frowned, looking down at his lap when he spoke. "Quil and Jake were just thinking about how much they hope I'm not their half-brother. And that they hope it ends up just being Sam's problem."

It took a moment for the words to hit me, but when they did, for the first time in a while, I was hit with that white hot rage of mine. My muscles tensed and I locked my jaw and I thought about storming over to Quil's house and dragging him out of bed by the ear to make him apologize. "They said that?" I asked, fists clenching. "Quil said that?"

Embry let out a heavy breath. "I mean, they didn't say it outloud like, to my face. But they thought about it."

"That is beyond fucked up," I snapped with a certain venom in my voice. "What the fuck is their problem?"

"I dunno," Embry said, sounding like he was trying to reason with himself. "I guess I get it. Like, who wants to find out their dad cheated on their mom? No one wants that. It just kinda sucks to hear it, I guess."

"They're being selfish," I assured him. Because I knew that if I was in Embry's place and Bobby found out I was her half-sister, she'd be ecstatic, glowing at the idea that her best friend finally had the knowledge of her family, just like I would for her. Just like Embry's friends should for him. "Like, holy shit for a second could they maybe consider that maybe it's not really about them and what they want? You've lived your whole life not knowing who your dad is, and the only thing they can think about is how it affects them?"

"And you know what the worst part is?" Embry plowed on, voice getting louder and just a little more erratic. "They were making it seem like they don't want me as like a brother. Quil and Jake have been my best friends for a while, and I always thought that if either of them were my family, I'd be stoked over it. I always thought that like, even if it would suck that one of their dad's did that then like, having me as a brother would be like, a silver lining or something."

"Yeah," I agreed fervently, "they should be stoked. They should be happy for you no matter what happens because they've lived their whole lives knowing who their dad was and you never had that luxury. Your friends should be happy for you and supportive of you."

Embry nodded his head, dropping my cast to hold my unbroken hand, squeezing it tightly in his own. "It's not that I want either one of their dads in particular to be my dad, I just want one adult to own up to it. I want someone to own up to what happen and tell me the truth. Quil and Jake would rather me go the rest of my life not knowing that risk it being their dad."

I shrugged out of Embry's hold and sat in front of him. He titled his head at me for a moment, confused, before I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. "I'm sorry all the adults in your life have never acted like adults," I said in his ear, "and I'm sorry your friends are being really shitty about it. I'll break Quil's nose. Jacob's too."

He chuckled, his hands gently placed on my hips and pulled slightly away from me. His face was so close I could feel his breath fan out on my cheeks and I found myself fixated on his eyes and how dark they looked under the shadows. "I'm really glad I have you, Remy."

My heart was in my throat and I didn't think I had ever been this close to someone for this long and I felt transfixed. I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe. I just stared, eyes wide on Embry and he stared back at me, just as still as I was. And even though we weren't moving it felt like everything was buzzing and shifting around me and I could feel it on my skin, like there were electric particles attaching themselves to me. And even though it was just a few seconds, the stillness, the proximity felt like it lasted for hours. But then, when Embry's eyes were fluttering and he slowly started tilting his head towards mine, one centimetre at a time, I snapped. I jumped up, standing so quickly it made me dizzy. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" I asked him, voice unstable and pitchy.

Embry had this small, closed smile on his face I couldn't read. "Yeah, sure."

Embry walked close to me, placing himself between me and the trees. His arm brushed up against mine but he never grabbed my hand or held me against his side. He asked me about my plans with Bobby and Bella Swan (which he swore he had no role in influencing, that it was Jacob Black who pressured Bella into spending time with us, which I had a hard time believing). I talked about my latest essay on Dadaism and the corporate state of America and he pretended to be interested in what I was talking about. I showed him that same false interested when he dove into detail about his latest automotive project and how difficult it was to fix up a whatever model from whatever year. I liked the way his face lit up when he talked about cars, and I thought that was a little bit easier to pay attention to than the words coming out of his mouth.

And when the sun started to rise over the ocean horizon, Embry walked me back to Bobby's and waited for me to get ready for work so he could drive me over there. And while I was pushing my legs through dirty, flour covered jeans, I was thinking of all the ways I could avoid thinking about what almost happened.

Bella Swan walked in between Bobby and I, trailing just a little bit behind us with her hands shoved deep in her pockets. She was looking everywhere but at me and Bobby and I wondered what Jacob Black said to her to get her to come out with us. I didn't really blame her for being uncomfortable; I could only imagine what she had heard about Bobby and me, and since her dad was chief of police in Forks, I could only imagine what she had heard about Bear. And from what I heard from Jacob, Bella didn't really like any situation her boyfriend wasn't in.

And I was less than pleased about her presence here. The idea of Bella Swan made me uncomfortable. There was nothing she had ever done wrong to me, and I knew that some of it had to do with the jealousy I felt towards her when I first met her. But it was something Embry had told me about her, about her desire to be like her boyfriend, like my brother. There was something about the way she craved the way of life that was forced on my brother that made me look at her differently.

Bobby, on the other hand, loved Bella Swan. She bombarded her with questions and talked her ear off about the people in Forks she hated. And I was starting to think there was something about girls in loose fitting jackets that just made Bobby want to take them under her wing.

The whole day, I was trying not to think about Embry, feeling like I had spent too much time with him on my mind and the almost-events made it even worse. But there was a text on my phone from him that read, Hope you have a good day out. Try not to break anything and stay safe. I'll miss you when you're gone, that I couldn't stop looking at and that made me thing that some things had changed.

"Okay," Bobby said, lips pursed in contemplation, "how about, Julius Caesar, Kurt Cobain, and Peter Singer?" she asked, the heel of her boot loudly scrapping against the path in the park. She had two shopping bags full of clothes, but none of them were for her. Bobby made me promise to wear a lot of skirts today.

I scoffed. "Easy. Fuck Caesar, marry Kurt Cobain, and kill Peter Singer. Nine times out of ten, I'd kill Peter Singer."

"You'd just fuck Caesar instead of marrying him?" Bobby questioned.

Before I could chime in, Bella leaned forward. "No that makes sense actually. It'd be way easier to politically influence Caesar if you were just sleeping with him, I think. Like Cleopatra."

I jerked my thumb in Bella's direction. "She gets it."

"So what do you guys do for fun?" Bella asked, stepping up a little to match our pace instead of falling behind. "I mean, besides drive all the way to Oregon."

Bobby shrugged. "We like to go out a lot and try to out drink each other and we end up shitfaced until four in the morning," she easily. "I like to start fights that Remy then has to finish." I smirked at Bobby's rendition of our dynamic. It was like she forgot that I was more than capable of starting my own conflict.

"Wow," Bella chuckled airily, "you guys make my life seem boring. All I do is spend time with Edward and reread Wuthering Heights."

I kicked a rock down the sidewalk. "Why? That book sucks. You should read Bukowski."

Bobby rolled her eyes. "No you shouldn't. All Bukowski writes about is fucking ugly women and getting drunk and the only people who think it's good or thought provoking are elitist jackasses, like Remy." Bobby smiled and ruffled the top of my hair with her hand. I rolled my eyes. "You should come to one of our parties, by the way. It'll be a good change of scenery for you. And Remy's nicer when she's drunk."

"That's actually true."

Bella looked down at her feet while she walked. "I dunno. It doesn't really sound like my scene. I don't think Edward would let me, either."

My eyes widened at her words and Bobby and I exchanged a glance. "You don't think he'd let you? What is he, your dad?"

She shrugged. "Edward's just pretty protective, I guess."

"Yeah, so is Embry. I don't have to go and ask him for permission every time I wanna do something with my friends," Bobby smirked at me at the mention of Embry but I pointed a finger at her, "Not now." I turned my attention back to Bella. "If he's protective, that's his problem. You should still be doing whatever you wanna do."

"Remy's right," Bobby said with a firm nod. "If he's controlling what you're doing that's a red flag. It's more than a red flag. It's crazy unhealthy."

Bella met our gazes, weird smile playing on her face, like she was withholding information that would explain his behavior. And vampire or not, I knew that shit was the furthest thing from okay. "He has his reasons, and I understand them. And it's not like I always listen to him. I hang out with Jake, even though he hates him. I mostly just like to appease him; I know he's coming from a good place."

Bobby rolled her eyes, and continued on, "Sure. But I don't care if your boyfriend's okay with it, you're going out with us. You don't have to drink or anything."

"And your boy's not invited," I added for good measure, giving Bella a stern look that she met with a smile.

There was a shrill ringing, followed by a drawn out and over-done gasp. "Holy fucking shit. Remy," Bobby said, holding her phone in her hand. "Leah Clearwater's calling me. What do I do?"

I groaned. "Answer it, dumbass. We'll wait over here," I told her, collapsing on a nearby bench.

Bobby exhaled heavily a few times, eyes closed, before putting the phone to her ear and answering with a cool, "Hello?"

My body slumped up against the bench, exhausted, and after a moment of staring after Bobby, Bella took a seat next to me. Silently, we watched from a distance as Bobby paced back and forth over a patch of grass. It was funny to see her scramble. "Jacob was right by the way," Bella said after a moment, and I turned my head towards her. "He said hanging out with you guys would make me feel human. This is the most normal I've felt in a while."

"Well," I stared, tone a little nasty, "I guess if I spent all my time hanging around undead people I wouldn't feel normal either."

She blinked and scoffed at my words, but didn't argue them. I was right, anyways. "You know they're not really that bad."

Her words made me think of Bear, who was just as cold and undead as her boyfriend. I had spent a lot of time jumping through ethical obstacles trying to justify the existence of a creature like them, like my brother, and there was nothing I could do to rationalize it. The thought of it was unsettling at best. And I knew that the Cullens didn't kill anyone but from the way Bella talked about her boyfriend I bet she'd find a way to justify it. I wasn't able to do that with Bear. I'd never be able to see him the same way again. "Do you know about him?" I asked after a moment.

"About Embry? Yeah, I fo-"

"No," I cut her off quickly, "about my brother."

Bella swallowed. "I know about it. I haven't heard a lot about him. Just stuff in passing."

"Like what?" I pushed, leaning in towards her. "What've they been saying?"

She was uncomfortable, shifting around in her seat like she was nervous about saying something she wasn't supposed to. But I wasn't Bella, and I could do things without permission and ask questions freely and there shouldn't have been anything stopping her from telling me what she had heard. "Just that he had been hunting in the area, I guess," she said simply.

"Hunting?" I questioned, and then quickly understood what she meant. Hunting was her polite way of saying that my brother was killing.

I felt my expression break down and Bella rushed out, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." But she had already said it and it wasn't even her fault because I asked for it. And I didn't know why it bothered me so much because I already knew that that was what he was doing to be people. But to hear it come from someone that wasn't Embry, someone I barely knew, it felt different. It felt like the cafeteria all over again.

"It's okay," I told her, trying to swallow the feeling her words brought on. "Not your fault."

Bella gave me a soft smile. "I know you don't like me that much, but I'm glad you let me come with you guys today."

"I don't not like you," I told her, asserting that position, "if I didn't like you, it'd be a lot more obvious."

"Well, I'm glad then. It's nice to have normal friends I don't have to hide things from."

I smiled, watching Bobby rush over, smile on her face and hands shaking. "Guess who has a date with Leah Clearwater?"

"So did you like, have a totally super awesome girl's day with the girls just doing totally fun girly things?"

I shot daggers at Quil, pulling a card from my desk and throwing it down on the table. "Draw four as your punishment for being sexist."

Quil, who had at least twenty cards in his deck, groaned, and picked up four more cards from the center deck that was slowly dwindling away. "Hey, how's that strategy of getting as many cards as you can in the beginning so you get all the good cards working out for you?" Jacob teased.

The dining table in Seth Clearwater's house was covered in a combination of three different sets of UNO cards. And I was glad that Seth's mom was a nurse and she was out working a late shift, because the sun had long set, but there was still a table full of rowdy and yelling werewolves in her kitchen. And then, of course, me. I wasn't entirely sure how I ended up there, sitting in between Quil and Embry, who I had pathetically failed to stop thinking about.

"No but really," Embry said, leaning into towards me and ignoring the bustling conversation around him, "did you have a good time?"

I thought of the way Bobby dragged me in and out of shops and made me try on tiny dresses while Bella watched with small giggles and refused to participate and how Bobby wouldn't shut up about her new and upcoming date with Leah. And even though shopping and walking around too crowded cities wasn't my thing, there was something nice about the simplicity of it. "Yeah, it was pretty fun."

Embry smiled at me. And even though I had failed to stop thinking about the thing that almost happened, I was glad that he was treating me like it never happened, just the same as before. He was even letting me win at UNO, not playing his good cards against me and passing them over under the table so together, we could beat Quil. I was still furious at him, and Jacob, for that matter, but Embry made me promise not to say anything, for the time being. He wanted to talk to them first, which was more than fair. So absolutely blowing Quil out of the water at UNO was the best I could do. "Good," Embry said, smiling down at me. I had to remind myself not to stare into his eyes for too long.

"Em! It's your turn, and stop giving your goddamn cards to Remy," Seth called from across the table, mouthful of popcorn.

Quil's eyes widened. "Is that why I have four-hundred fucking cards?"

I blinked at him. "You gonna cry about it?" I asked, and Embry gripped the top of my knee, giving it a light squeeze. A gentle reminder to ease back.

"Yeah," Quil said, leaning back into his seat, "I might cry about it, Remy."

"Good," I said, settling back into my seat and leaning in towards Embry, resting my shoulder against his.

The kitchen was full of laughter and yelling and despite the bitterness I was feeling towards two out of four other people who were sitting around me, I couldn't help but get caught up in the niceness of the moment. Embry kept passing me cards, even though our operation was caught. And every time he did and our fingers would brush together and it was start a storm deep in my gut. I thought that at a certain pointed I should've gotten used to Embry and his heat but there was nothing about him that didn't make me at least a little bit nervous.

The noise, though, was interrupted but the sound of a slamming door. I jumped at the noise, whipping around to see Leah Clearwater, the girl I had been forced to talk about all goddamn day, slowly walk into the kitchen. Her expression was severe and tired and worn down, clothes tattered up and I thought that maybe Leah Clearwater was the most anti-social person I had ever met, and I had met myself. Her eyes narrowed at the table. "What are you guys doing? It's like two in the morning."

Her younger brother smiled at her. "Playing UNO with three different sets."

"Aren't you guys kinda old for this?" she asked, leaning up against the counter and watching with an expression of exhaustion I knew a little too well.

And there was a sort of communal expression around the table at the sight of Leah, this look on everyone's face like they were annoyed that she would dare walk through the kitchen of her own home. Even Embry looked uneasy at her being there. And I felt bad, because in most situations I had ever been in, I had been Leah Clearwater. And now, for the first time, I wasn't. So I said, "Do you wanna play with us?"

There was a collective groan, but Leah glared at me, looking at me how everyone else looked at her. "No, I'm not interested, Rosemary."

Leah pushed off the counter, storming off and out of the kitchen and leaving me to stare after her. "What the fuck," I mumbled under my breath, leaning forward to try and see where she went off to. "What's her problem?" I asked, to no one in particular, thinking that since she was interested in Bobby she would at least try to be nice to me.

Seth snorted, flipping through his deck of cards. "Leah hates you cause she wants to date your friend but she's nervous about it cause she didn't imprint on her."

The air shifted after Seth spoke, growing tenser than it was before. Beside me, Embry stiffened, eyes sharp on Seth. "Dude."

"Oh, fuck," Jacob mumbled.

For the millionth time, I felt lost. And this time, it was even more perplexing, because I thought I had finally figured out everything there was to know. "What?" I asked. I looked around between the people around me, trying to meet someone's gaze. But no one was looking at me. "What's imprinting?"

"Oh fuck," Jacob repeated, louder this time.

Seth was gaping, expression horrified. "Dude, Embry, I'm so sorry."

"Does someone wanna tell me what's going on?" I asked, annoyance starting to grow. I turned towards Embry, but his expression was fixed and his shoulders were shaking.

"No," he said sharply, and then pushed his chair out from behind him. "Quil," he said, voice hollow, "drive Remy home." And then, Embry disappeared out the door, and it was the last time I saw him for days.

im sorry if these past couple of chapters have been boring but like. i really just like it when embry and remy just talk and bond and develop a better understanding of each other. it makes me :) while i write it. what are we thinking! do we like it! do we hate it? also, separate note, if i wrote a paul/oc story would you read it? i have a premise developed