chapter twenty-six

The parking garage was overtaken by vines and graffiti and weeds growing in between the cracks in the cement. I leaned up against Bobby's car, breathing uneasy, as I stared at the fixture and tried to figure how what the fuck was so special about this place I had to spend twenty minutes convincing Bobby to let me have her care and drive forty-five minutes away from home to get there.

After about ten minutes of unintelligible ramblings and fat tears, Bear told me home wasn't safe for him, and this was where I had to go to talk to him. And I thought that there was nothing that could stop me from talking to my brother but I was lost at the idea that I had to drive all the way east, through trees and abandoned industrial areas just to see him when a couple hours earlier, he was standing right in front of me.

Still, I pushed off the car and made my way into the abandoned garage. I wasn't scared of the place and I wasn't scared of Bear, but there was something mingling in my gut, lighting my cells on fire. Walking further and further in felt against my nature. My palms were sweating and I had to remind myself not to bit down too hard on my cheeks because I didn't know what would happen if I started bleeding.

The sight of him knocked my breath out of me again, like it did the first time. And I didn't think I would ever get used to seeing my brother standing in front of me, looking like himself but so different. Because every day for the past year, I imagined him as nothing but decomposed flesh and weakened bones. But there he was, leaning up against the skeleton of an old car, smiling at me like I was the best thing he had ever seen.

My hands were shaking by my side and it was my instinct to leap into his arms. I stepped forward, but Bear put his hand up. "That's probably not a good idea," he told me, and his voice stunned me in way that made my ability to process his words slowed. "I think for now it's best you keep your distance. I haven't really been around people without...well, you know."

I was frozen in front of him for a moment, brain on overdrive. In that moment, I didn't care about the implication of his words or the distance I had to keep but the fact that my brother, my Bear, was standing right in front of me, hair curled and shiny on the top of his head and crooked grin still the same. I was stumbling internally, thoughts racing and struggling to find the words to say. But I stood still, absolutely frozen in awe of my brother.

"You look like you saw a ghost, Rem," Bear teased, and I couldn't hear enough of his voice. That was my brother and that was his voice and I thought I would never hear it again.

I choked out a laugh and worried I would start crying again. "I'm just like," I started, and then empty my lungs of air, "I'm just freaking out. Like, I don't even, I mean, what even is this situation? Like, what is happening? I don't even..."

Bear eyed me, studying the way I stood and now that I was unfreezing I was fidgeting, knotting my hands together and shifting around my weight. "It's so weird to see you like this again," he said, and then let out a laugh. "I don't know what I was expecting, but you're still the same. Still scrappy little Remy."

I smiled, looking at my brother with an adoration that was always reserved for him. And I realized that even though the rose colored glasses I used to remember Bear were gone, and I knew he wasn't the person I had always thought he was, it didn't matter. He was still my big brother and my best friend and he was standing in front of me and nothing else mattered. I didn't care about the needles or Jared or the redness in his eyes because he was Bear and I was Remy and we were together again. "What-what happened to you?"

His smile faded at the question, and I realized how still he had been standing, arms crossed and posture frozen against the beat up old car. He had even twitched or shifted. Bear looked so out of place, among all the beaten up and broken things. "I was gonna run away," he told me, voice far off. "I had a court date and they were gonna throw me in some prison to rot. And I didn't wanna be that guy. I didn't wanna be a statistic. So I just left. I got drunk off my ass and I just walked off into the woods and I thought I would come out somewhere eventually."

"I didn't plan it out very well. I was drunk and I mean, I thought my life was over. I took the stuff I was supposed to sell and when I was walking through the woods I swear I was so high and so gone I wasn't even seeing where I was. And then I knew I was gonna die. I panicked because I was lost and I didn't have any food and I had been walking for hours and it was just like, I knew I was fucked and I was so scared. When I started to come down from the drugs and the rum I just thought, okay, I can't go home, and I'm not gonna get out of these woods. I'm just gonna die here."

"I was just sitting there on, crying my eyes out. I didn't wanna die, necessarily, I just thought that I didn't really deserve to live. And I mean, I had a bunch of pills in my bag, and I just took them. I took them all and I closed my eyes and cried and I thought of you. I wished I could've talked to you before I left and I was scared about what was gonna happen to you. I remember thinking that if I was gone, you wouldn't have to live with the consequences of what I did anymore. I don't know what else happened, but it was just black for a while."

"And then, it was just pain. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life. It was like someone had lit my veins on fire. I remember thinking I had died and landed in hell and that the pain was going to last for eternity. But it didn't. It stopped, and I woke up. I was in the same place I was when I had lied down on the ground. But I felt different. I could see things I couldn't see before, I could hear everything around me. It was like my entire body just upgraded. I was fast and I was strong. And I mean, not like before. I mean I could outrun a bullet train. I mean I could uproot a tree."

"But I didn't remember anything. I didn't know anything other than my name and for a while, I was just operating based solely on instinct. I mean, I really had to figure everything out about my existence on my own. It took a while, almost a whole year, for me to finally figure out the details of what happened to me. I hide from people, I did what I needed to do to get rid of the burning in my throat, and I stayed in the woods. And even though I didn't know what it meant, I was drawn to the house. Every night, I ended up back there, staring and watching from the woods. I had to keep my distance, because I didn't know who you or mom or dad was or why I was so interested in you guys, and if I hurt you I'd never figure it out. Which, by the way, I'm really glad I didn't."

"For a while, I would just watch you. I actually started to follow you around. Sometimes, one of those wolves would catch my scent, and I'd have to run. Sometimes you saw me, and I'd have to run. It was that night you were at that party, and you chased me into the woods, that I remembered who you were. You yelled my name, and it was like everything hit me all at once. But, one of those wolves came around, and I had to run again. I kept trying to talk to you, but you were just always surrounded by them. I didn't know what to do."

"First, I had to tell you what they were. Because if you knew what they were, you could figure out what I am. I left that note in your journal. I waited for you to figure everything out. It was really important that you knew everything about me. I was afraid that if I told you, you'd freak out and run. And then, when I knew you knew, I had to wait for you to get separated from the wolves. I mean, they're always around you. You're coated in their smell and I knew that that stringy one wouldn't let you anywhere near me. He's been tracking me, you know. He's really bad at it. So yeah, I guess that's everything."

My mouth was dry and my face was wet with tears. Thinking about everything that had happened to him, while he was alone and scared, could have knocked me to my feet. My heart ached for him and I had to fight off the urge to hug my brother and apologize for not being there for him. But coupled with that, the idea that my brother had been there, watching me and protecting me every step of the way, was comforting. I was never alone. I never lost Bear. "Wow," I said after a moment, voice hollow. "That's a pretty boring story. You should cut out some details." Bear laughed. "I have missed you so fucking much," I told him.

This made him frown. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you on your own." He pause for a moment. "I never really took anything in life seriously, but I was always proud to be your older brother. And I mean, even though I'm different now, I'm always gonna be here for you, Rem. I'm always gonna be here to protect you. And I mean, I'll be way better at it now, too."

"No one's gonna fuck with me ever again," I repeated back some of his last words to me, corner of my mouth tugging up into a smile. Bear beamed at me. "You're not gonna leave me again, right? I mean, you're here to stay?"

"It's complicated, Rem," he stated. "I guess in my absence, Quil and that Call kid decided protecting you is their job. It's also their job to destroy my kind. I don't know if they'll let you around me. That's why I asked you to come here."

I scoffed. "That's genuinely the least of my worries. If you want to be my brother again, there's nothing in the world that's gonna stop you. Definitely not those two assholes."

"I never stopped being your brother, Remy," Bear said with a sincerity that made me remember what it was like to have a real family. "And if they can back off me, then there's no reason for me to leave. I mean," he started, tilting his head, "it's not like I can just come home. I have to stay 'dead,' and it's not like I'm eager to be around our parents again. But still."

His words reminded me of the bag they presented my parents and I on the day we thought he was dead. "Bear," I started, voice hushed, "whose bones did they show us?"

Bear looked at me with sympathy. "I had to do a lot of things to stay strong. I just want you to remember that. Everything I've done wasn't because I wanted to do it. It was because I had to."

I nodded, looking down at my shoes. "So much has changed since you've been gone."

I spent a few hours there, sitting on the dirty and cracked ground, looking up at Bear. I told him everything. I told him about the theories I had, and how I always thought that something else had happened to him, that it wasn't just a cut and dry suicide. I told him about the bakery and Bobby and he laughed at the idea of it. I told him about how close I'd gotten to Quil and how Embry entered and exited my life. I didn't tell him about Kim and Jared because we were sitting under a bubble and I thought the mention of Jared might pop it. And while I was pointing to the bruises on my face and detailing the fight, my phone rang. I knew I wasn't gonna answer, but I checked to see who was calling. My stomach dropped at Embry's name.

"Are you gonna answer that?" Bear asked.

I shook my head. "Nah, it's not important."

Bear smiled. "So what happened after she grabbed you by the neck? Did you remember everything I taught you?"

"Yes," I said with a small eye roll, "I remembered everything you taught me. I pressed my chin into her hand and I uppercut into her jaw."

"Nice."

I didn't know what time it was when he told me that I should get home, but it had been dark for a while. I was hesitant to leave, afraid that if I did I would end up never seeing him again. But Bear promised me over and over that he would come back. He told me that every Sunday after I got out of work, I could come to that broken down parking garage and see him. And that if he ever felt it was safe at home, he would come and see me too. I asked him to try to get used to being around me, because there was nothing I wanted more than to hug my big brother.

I left with tears in my eyes, turning the key in the ignition of Bobby's car. I knew she wouldn't be mad at me, no matter how late I turned back up. In order even get the car, I had to tell her where I was going, telling her that I couldn't go into detail but it was about Bear and that time we saw him standing there in the woods together. And after that, Bobby told me to take my time.

Driving home felt strange, like I was leaving something important behind. But I trusted Bear and I trusted his word when he said this would not be the last time I saw him. And I was filled with an unimaginable sense of joy. I felt like I couldn't be touched. This was a glee that felt foreign rushing through my veins. I was something else; I was a girl with a brother once more. And maybe it was because a part of me was always hopeful that he was really out there, but I couldn't even feel shocked. It just felt right to be with Bear again.

It took a while for me to get home. And the closer I got back to Bobby's house, the more that high feeling drained from me. I was tired, and I had realized that it was well passed midnight. Bobby hadn't tried to call me, but I hoped that she wasn't worried about me. I thought that she might be sitting up in her room, waiting for me to get home.

But when I turned into the driveway, he was there, sitting against the front door. I groaned, parking the car and pulling out the keys. I should've known that something like this would've happened if I didn't answer his call. But I was so thrown bu his behavior as of late I didn't know what to expect. I approached him, arms crossed defensively. "What do you want?" I asked, exhausted.

Embry's voice was cutting and sharp and his eyes were on fire. "Where the hell have you been?" he asked, a dangerous emotion laced in his words. He was mad as hell.

I snorted. "Really? You're gonna ask me that question right now?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna ask you that question right now," he shot back, standing. Embry was never this upset at me. Even when he was angry, he always spoke to me with a tenderness in his voice. But this was different than any other way he had addressed me. He was over the edge. He had snapped. I could hear.

"Oh, okay," I said. "Then, um, none of your fucking business."

"Don't be like that." He wasn't asking, he was demanding.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I snapped, loosing any sense of composure.

He laughed a humorless laugh and I thought that this might have been the first time Embry's rage outranked mine. "My problem?" he asked incredulously. "My problem is that you disappeared for hours and no one knew where you went! I thought you might've died."

"Quite frankly, Embry, I really don't give a shit. Okay? I don't."

"You can't just do that, Remy. You can't just leave and not tell anyone where you went."

"That's not true. I can do whatever I want."

He let out a heavy sigh, his chest rising and falling. "You know what Remy? I know that you have this self-defeating attitude and you try to convince yourself that no one cares about you. But I really fucking care about you. And all you do is put me through hell."

There was something about the way he believed his words were true that unleashed something in me. "I put you through hell?" I yelled, leaning forward with my hands curled into fists by my side. "I didn't want you in my life, Embry. I was doing fucking fine without you in it. I didn't need anyone and I didn't need anything. And then you come around, and you made me depend on you. You made me care about you. You made me need you. You waited until I was totally fucking enamored with you and then you fucking left. And that's so much more fucked up than anything I have ever done to you. I don't owe you anything anymore."

"You don't even know why I left," he argued back, but his voice was softer than it was before.

"I don't care why you left. There's nothing you could tell me to justify it," I said, shaking my head.

I tried to move past him, I step up towards the door and went to grab the handle. But Embry grabbed my arm and pulled me into him. I didn't push away, just kept my arms down on my side, because even though I was shaking with rage, when he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me against his chest, the hole in my heart shrunk. "I'm sorry, Remy. I just-"

And then he stopped. He stopped talking, stopped moving, stopped breathing. He pulled away, his hands clasped hard around my shoulders. "You found him," he said to me, shoulders shaking.

There was something on his face I couldn't read. I watched the way his features twisted and soured and I thought that he might burst. "Yeah," I said, voice harsh, "I found him. No thanks to you."

Embry's hands dropped from my shoulders and I pushed passed him, stepping into Bobby's house and closing the door behind him. And I tried to tell myself that that was the last time I would see Embry Call.

i know that this chapter is kinda short but i hope you like it! im rlly excited about this dynamic switch and unhinged embry. also i just wanna say im like, hardly following cannon here. cannon is lowkey the least of my concerns with this story lol. hope you enjoy thank u for reading ily!