chapter twenty-eight

Bear tossed a rock up into the air, catching it just centimetres before it smashed back into his face. "Remy, I know you're my baby sister and I'm supposed to give you advice and everything, but I really don't wanna hear about you kissing Call."

I groaned, kicking and slamming my feet against the rusted metal of the old car. "Well, who am I supposed to talk about it with? I need advice. I don't know what to do."

I was pretty disappointed to realize that kissing Embry wouldn't immediately solve all of our problems. And we had a lot of problems. I didn't know what I thought would happen. It was nice to imagine that everything would just be fine, that all the conflicts we had faced together would just be dissolved, and we could just be Embry and Remy, Remy and Embry. Two stupid kids that just liked each other a whole lot. But we just weren't there yet.

And it made me feel totally knocked off my feet, completely clueless and completely dumbfounded. I didn't even know how to act around him anymore. And I kept asking myself questions I didn't like the answers to. The whole fabric of our relationship was in question. I didn't know if we were friends or something more and the idea of putting some arbitrary labels on each other repulsed me to my core. It felt unnatural and forced and the way I felt with Embry was the exact opposite.

"Why don't you just talk about it with Bobby? I'm sure she would have some great advice for you," Bear said, his head lying against the concrete wall in the parking garage. I wondered if that was comfortable for him and if rocks dug into his skin the same way they dug into mine.

I rolled my eyes. "You don't wanna know the advice Bobby gave me."

Bear sat up, impossibly straight and with no struggle. "Ew, Remy, can we talk about literally anything else? Not to mention, he's probably listening right now."

I gave him a frown. "He's not listening," I asserted. Upon learning about the arrangement I had made with my undead brother, Embry insisted, without any room for argument, that he would be there when I saw Bear. He would drive me there and he would sit and wait for me, no matter how long I took. It was the first argument I had ever lost. "He promised me he wouldn't listen."

"Okay, well how about this. If it turns out he is listening, I get to kill him."

"You're not funny," I said, tone light, but the idea of Bear laying a hand on Embry was almost enough to make me dry heave. The hatred they had for each other, it was obvious. Embry tried to hide it, masking the disgust in his tone when he talked about what my brother had become and pretending the idea of me spending time with him didn't make him want to erupt. Bear didn't care as much. He never called Embry by his first name, and threatened to hurt him just about as often as he was brought up in conversation. And I knew it was natural and I couldn't prevent it but the venom they had for each other made me feel powerless, like I was trapped in a custody battle.

And I got so caught up in those thoughts that when Bear said to me, "Remy, what are you gonna do about college?" I almost fell off the top of the car.

My mouth went dry at the idea and I said, "What?"

Bear disappeared from my sight for a second and then appeared once more, standing in front of me. And I noticed that this was the closest he had been to me. "Look, Remy, I know you got out of Mom and Dad's place, and that's great. They suck at being parents. But they have your college fund all secured and ready to go, and I don't think they're gonna pay for school if you're disowned."

"Well," I started, feeling caught off guard and somewhat speechless. "I guess, I dunno, I guess I'll just apply to scholarships and try to get fees waived and just, hope it all works out," I told him with a shrug. "And I mean, worst comes to worst, I have the bakery job. I can try to pay my way through college or at least stay there until I can find a better job."

There was a pregnant pause. "Do you know how much college even costs?"

"Umm..."

He looked disappointed, face fallen. "Have you even thought this through?"

"No, not really," I told him. "Recently, I was just a bit distracted by the whole shapeshifting wolves and you being dead but not actually thing. College kinda seems unimportant compared to all of that."

Bear frowned. His eyes studied the downturned features of my face and he kept that frown on his face. "Kid, you gotta start thinking about this shit. I know you don't wanna end up like Mom and Dad," he said, and his words felt like a knife in between my ribs. "I'm not trying to be a dick here. I've just been thinking about you going to college this whole time I've been out in the goddamn woods."

I raised an eyebrow. "I thought you couldn't remember me?"

"After I remembered," he said quickly. "Look, this stuff is important, Remy. I mean, what do you even want out of your future?"

It was a question I had never really ever considered. Before, I always thought about leaving. I thought about leaving the state and traveling and studying something useless out of state. But that didn't really seem like an option anymore. "I don't dream of labor," I tried to joke, but it fell flat. "I dunno, Bear, I guess I've never really thought about it? I hate working and school but I guess I like philosophy and stuff."

Bear sighed, disappointment heavy in his face and I felt like the the air got punched out of my gut. "Can you think about it please, Remy? Just think about what you wanna do and we can talk about it and I can help you figure it out, alright?"

I nodded, giving Bear a sad smile.

Embry was leaning up against his car when I walked out of the parking garage. His arms were crossed and he had this scowl on his face that I knew would be threatening to someone else but to me it just looked kind of adorable. And I knew we were still technically in this awkward stage of not knowing where we stood but I couldn't help but stare in awe for a moment. Because I really, really liked Embry. And I thought I was kind of stupid for trying to deny it for so long when I realized how obvious it was. The harshness in his features drained when his eyes landed on me, scanning me for any injuries. "Hey," he said, a small smile playing on his lips, "you ready to go?"

I nodded, stopping just a foot in front of him. "Thanks for waiting," I said, eyes not entirely meeting his but settling on the curve of his lips.

"Of course," he said, voice dripping in that sincerity I had never really gotten used to.

And while we're standing there, aware of the thickness between us, there was a shout of, "Take care of my sister, you asshole!" that bounced off the trees and put that scowl back on Embry's face.

The car ride was off. There wasn't a tenseness between us; we weren't necessarily in any sort of disagreement between the two of us, but there was something sharp and pointed, hindering the way we spoke to each other. And I was sitting there in the passenger seat, staring off at the blur of trees and thinking about all the things I could say to Embry. I could tell him that I wanted him around and I missed him when he was gone and that I was tired of pretending to not care about him. There were a couple of times I opened my mouth to say those things but I shut it again because the words just wouldn't come out.

I've never thought about anything, ever. I just sort of did things. I would open my mouth and something would come out and I've rarely regretted anything. But with Embry, I had to be careful. I tossed the words around in my head and imagined them coming out of my mouth and pictured the way he would flinch or frown at the sound of them. Because I had already screwed up so many times by not thinking that I couldn't afford to do it again. It took me about three months to get to the point of admitting it, but I couldn't lose Embry Call.

The week Embry avoided me and my calls and my desperation (an action I still had no explanation for) was harder on me than it should've been. And I knew that it was just a week but from the way that week went, I felt like I wouldn't have ever been able to get over it. I would've obsessed over it, taking notes in a scrappy journal and looking for some sort of explanation for his disappearance. I was tethered to him, completely tangled up in Embry and I was done pretending to not like it.

While I was spinning around in all these thoughts, Embry said, "I want to tell you what imprinting is," and I whipped my head around towards him. It was a topic we were ignoring. Whenever it was brought up, Embry's face would fall and his hands would tighten up into fists. His voice would become strained and he'd beg me to just drop it.

"Okay," I said, eyes widened.

Embry let out a breath. "I don't know how to explain this to you," he started, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. "And I want you to promise that no matter what happens and no matter what I say, you won't jump out of the car."

I nodded. "I promise."

"That day that you were at the beach, and we were up there cliff diving with Seth, you remember?" I nodded. "Jared ran down there to talk to you, and I don't know why, but I followed him. I didn't really know what was going on, other than the fact he didn't like you hanging out with Kim, but for whatever reason, I was drawn to you. I followed him down there, and listened to you guys argue. I wanted you to stay away from him, because I didn't want you getting hurt. Even then, I felt some urge to keep you safe. I couldn't explain it, really, I just thought it was because I felt bad for you because of everything that happened with your brother. And I dunno, I guess either I'm a huge coward or you're just really scary, but I just couldn't look you in the eye."

I smiled, thinking somewhat fondly of that memory and how simple everything seemed when my biggest problem was what a dick Jared was. Embry continued, "I thought about you a lot after that. It was really frustrating, because before that day on the beach, I never really thought about you. And I was scared to talk to you and there was a lot going on with Jared and everything. But when I found your journal, I dunno, I guess it was stupid but I thought it was a way to talk to you without talking to you. I never apologized for that, and I'm sorry I invaded your privacy like that."

"And then, Jared was freaking out about you being around Kim. And I followed him, half because I wanted to keep him in line and half because I was curious about you and that wave of protection I felt towards you. Besides, I always thought you were in the right in that situation. And then," he sighed, eyes straight on the road and not looking towards me, "you hit him. I knew he was gonna phase. That protective instinct kicked in and I just grabbed you and tried to get you away from him. Quil dragged Jared away, you pushed me off of you, and then, for the first time, I looked into your eyes."

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until Embry shot a glance my way and his eyes reminded me to breathe again. He smiled softly when he said, "That's when I knew. Everything just made sense. I looked in your eyes, and you became the single most important thing in the world to me. It was so overwhelming. It was just like, all at once, you became my whole world." Embry let out a breathy chuckle. "It knocked me on my fucking knees, Rem. I became tethered to you, unconditionally attached. I knew then, that for as long as I live, I would do anything for you. I would do anything to be near you. I would protect you with my life and I would make sure that no one would ever hurt you."

Embry stopped, briefly reaching over to run his thumb over the bust in my lip. "I'm not doing a good job," he whispered, pain evident in his voice. "That's when I imprinted."

My mouth was dry and my heart was beating in my throat. I stared at Embry, head buzzing and my fingers shaking. "So, imprinting is..."

"Imprinting is what happened when I looked at you. It's when one of us meets, in essence, our other half," he concluded.

I blinked. "Embry," I started, and then faltered. And I figured that I wouldn't be able to speak for a while because everything was choking up in my throat and I couldn't form any real thoughts. All I had was sensations; my gut all twisted up, my shaking hands, the dryness that spread throughout me and the way my whole body felt like it was short circuited. "I'm...I don't..." I shook my head. "I don't like that," I settled spitting out the first thing that came to my lips.

"I knew you wouldn't," Embry said. "That's why I was so afraid to tell you, why I left. Seth just blurted out the term and I knew I'd have to tell you. It was stupid of me, but I just panicked. Being away from you, it physically hurts me. I mean, it goes both ways, so I'm sure you know what it's kinda like. It's just like, a million times worse for me. But I just figured that you'd tell me you never wanna see me again the second I told you about imprinting, and if I kept my distance from you, there was at least some hope you'd stay. I thought staying away would prevent the inevitable."

"Embry, I'm not gonna leave," I said, voice on the brink of breaking and a wetness in my eyes. "I just," I started, and then inhaled sharply. "Is that, is it the only reason you, like, feel how you said? Because of some weird magical occurrence?"

"No," he rushed out, shaking his head and putting a hand over my leg. "Remy, it's not like that at all. I mean, the imprinting, it didn't make me fall in love with you. That's not what it does, necessarily. It just sort of, centered my purpose in life around you. But I don't have to be in love with you for that to be true. I didn't fall in love with you all at once. It happened a day at a time. And I mean, even if this never happened, I still would've fallen in love with you. Because it's you that I care about. I've never met anyone like you."

Without thinking too much about it, I put my hand over his and squeezed. "I still don't like it. I don't want you to be unconditionally bound to me. I don't want you to not have any choice in your life over who you love and who you want to be around. I want you to be your own person, Em, and I don't wanna drag you along with my life because it hurts you to be away from me."

"It's not like that. I'm still me. I've never changed. If anything, being around you has made me happier and feel more like myself than ever. I still have my interests. I still have my friends. And now, I have you, which makes it so much better," he told me, voice gentle. "I used to think it was a bad thing, too. But I think it's just like, the wolf side of me just makes my instincts sharper. And my instincts are telling me that being with you will make me happy."

I chewed on my gums. "I don't know how to feel about this," I told him, looking down at the way our hands tangled up. "That's just, that's a lot. But," I said, exhaling, "I know that being away from you and fighting with you and ignoring you sucks a lot. And I just don't wanna do it anymore."

Embry twisted his hand around to squeeze my knee. "I don't know what happened to you," he joked. "A month ago if I had told you this you would've broken my nose."

"I dunno," I said, shrugging. "I guess I'm just tired of fighting. Being away from you sucks. And besides, having a werewolf boyfriend sounds pretty cool. No one's ever gonna be able to fuck with me ever again."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized exactly what I had just said and all the blood rushed to my cheeks. Instantly, I pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt down past my hands and covered my face. "Boyfriend?" Embry repeated, sounding smug.

I groaned into the fabric of my sweatshirt. "I can't believe I just said that."

Embry's hand moved to my back, rubbing circles over my shoulder blades with his thumb. I heard his muffled laughter. "Is that...is that what you want?"

I thought about jumping out of the car despite my promise. I couldn't form any more words so I just groaned more, drowning in my own embarrassment. "I dunno," I grumbled, wishing I could press myself into a tighter ball.

"Well, you did kiss me," he pointed out.

And I wanted to tell him that that was a heated and drunken moment and that this gentle and emotional conversation was far away from my comfort zone and the word boyfriend in itself made me sick. But I said the word so easily when describing him and that was rattling. "I can't believe this is happening right now."

"Hey, look at me," Embry demanded, and I raised my head slightly to see that he was grinning broadly at the road. He turned his head towards me slightly, "Remy, I would love to be your werewolf boyfriend."

Again, I groaned, and slid down in the seat. My knees his the dashboard and my neck buried into my chest and I said to him, "Fine."

a nice little chapter bc the last ones have been so intense. do u guys want my cryptid playlist lol

ALSO! my paul/oc fic is upppppppppp it's called teeth and i have the prologue and the first chapter up so go check it out its gonna be greatttttttttttt ok ily

remy: we have fun, don't we embry?
embry: i have never been more stressed in my life

embry: get over yourself
briah: i am over myself
remy: he hates himself