chapter twenty-nine

I was trying to think of a more uncomfortable combination of people.

Wooden spoon in my mouth, I tried to come up with names, any group of people that would've caused this much tension. Any. But I was sandwiched between Bobby fucking Evans and Kim fucking Conway. And even worse than that, somehow, Leah Clearwater and Emily Young. And there was no single group of people with such a tangled and tense history.

Laughter almost bubbled at my throat at the idea that this was the first time I was the least volatile person in the room.

I scooped up another spoonful of cookie dough and shoved it in my mouth, liking the taste despite how sick it made me feel. I'd probably eaten half of one of the bowls at that point, so it made sense that Kim said, "Remy, stop eating the cookie dough."

Bobby raised her eyebrow and her lip. "Remy can eat whatever the fuck she wants." She sprung at Kim like she was waiting for an excuse to.

Kim was knotting her hands together like she was nervous and I thought that this was the longest she had ever been around Bobby and I couldn't imagine this conversation going well. "Yeah, but we're making the cookies for the guys?"

"You think I care about a group of men?" she asked with a snort.

"Well, maybe you don't, but I do," she asserted, taken aback. Kim had this habit of taking offense whenever there was the slightest implication that maybe someone didn't really care about Jared. I would know, it made me hate her for a while. "And so does Remy. And when you care about someone, you do something nice for them."

Bobby's voice was inflecting and her eyes rolled. She didn't like mine and Embry's progression into that boyfriend-girlfriend territory, especially after my adamant protesting against it. It still felt sticky and uncomfortable to me, though. "Right, cause if there's anything Remy's known for, it's her feminine instinct to cook for men."

Emily spoke up, "You guys really don't have to fight." I half felt bad for Emily. She invited us all into her home to bond over the act of baking, with good intentions in her heart. And instead of laughter and storytelling and confiding in each other she had hoped for, Emily got forty-minutes of silence while we tried to figure out how to make simple cookie dough and then this. The other half of me thought that she should've expected it.

"But they're always going to," Leah chimed in, arms crossed and leaning back in her chair, "I told you this is what would happen if you put them in the room together."

"I just wanted to give everyone the opportunity to, y'know, bond with each other," Emily said, desperation clear in her voice. I felt like there would have been a time when her pleading voice annoyed me but after everything I could understand her desire for peaceful resolutions. I was tired of the fighting and it sounded like she was too.

Bobby snorted. "Why do we have to bond? I don't wanna bond with Kim, she sucks."

"Well you're a bitch, Bobby," Kim suddenly snapped, and even I was surprised as the venom in her voice, even though it was shaking while she spoke. Kim had never been very brave.

Leah leaned forward. "Shut up, Kim."

Emily was frowning. "Can you seriously just try to get along?"

"She started it!" Kim shouted, trembling finger pointed sharply at Bobby.

"She started it!" Bobby mocked, arms crossed and voice hitched up an octave, before dropping it down to her usually raspy tone, "Shut up."

"Guys-"

"Emily, can you just give up on the whole mediator act?" Leah snapped, fingers gripping the edge of the table like she was ready to break it off. "You don't wear it well."

Emily flinched, offense worn clearly on her face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think she's implying that you're a little desperate to mend me and Kim's friendship because you couldn't mend your own with Leah," Bobby explained simply, leaning back in her chair casually, like she was disinterested. I knew Bobby pretty well at this point, though. She was loving it. I was shifting my weight around in my seat, though, thinking of the ways this situation could've been avoided. Leah was right, though; they only was to avoid it was to keep them completely separate.

"I am not," Emily gasped, her face tightening up in annoyance.

"You definitely are," Leah said with a scoff."

But Emily raised her arms in frustration. "That's not even the same situation."

"Yeah, me and Bobby were never friends," Kim interjected, pout on her face as she glared at Bobby from across the table. "She's always been a bitch."

"Kim!"

"Right, and you've never had a personality and you abandoned your only friend for dick," Bobby snapped, her tone shifting. She was always volatile when it came to the deterioration of mine and Kim's friendship and I was totally sure why. "We're totally incompatible."

And Kim was on the brink of tears. "You don't even know what happened."

"I know that you were a bad friend."

"I know a thing about that," Leah mumbled, halfway under her breath but she definitely wanted everyone to hear. Embry told me a lot about Leah and how everyone viewed her, as bitter and angry but it sounded like it all came from a place of unbelievable pain. And I thought that maybe this was one of the first times Leah got to talk about that pain without the intrusive thoughts of a group of idiot boys.

"Leah, I thought we were moving past that?" Emily said in that pleading voice of desperation. And as bad as I felt for Leah, I felt bad for Emily too. What was she supposed to do? I knew what that painful hole felt like, and I knew how possessive and all consuming it was. She couldn't live her life like that, so what was she meant to do? It was a situation designed for failure and pain, and I knew a lot about that. My brother was undead and my boyfriend's purpose in life was to kill him.

"No, we are," she assured. "But it doesn't mean I'm forgetting."

"So you have to constantly bring it up?"

"Yeah, Bobby, do we have to constantly bring shit up?" Kim asked suddenly, shooting daggers at Bobby. I thought they might fight.

Bobby rolled her eyes and leaned closer towards Kim. "Because honestly, you don't deserve forgiveness and you don't deserve to move past what you did."

"It's not exactly your place to decide that. It's Remy's," Kim defended, sounding weaker.

"You know what, that's a great point, Kimberly," Bobby said with a grin, and then turned towards me. "Remy, what do you think?"

Everyone looked at me. They flicked their eyes towards me and let a silence fall over the room while they all stared and waited for an answer. And I didn't know what to say; I couldn't think of anything to say that would have any point or would quell the bickering. And it's not like I enjoyed it, either. There was nothing particularly amusing watching them argue. I loved Bobby, and there was still a part of me that really cared for Kim and wanted to see her happy. And watching Leah and Emily throw digs at each other was more painful than anything.

So after a moment of silence and shifting my eyes to meet the gaze of different people at the table. "I would like very much not to be here right now." I said, and then stood. "I'm gonna go wait outside for Embry, I think. So, um, yeah."

I didn't hear anyone speak again while I dragged my feet towards the screen door and settled on the porch. It was hot. It always gets hot so suddenly. Like, one day the rain is so ice cold it makes you sick and leaves you shivering for hours and the next the heat is hot and sticky and you can hear it buzzing in the trees. I never liked the summer and I never liked the way the heat made everything so unbearable. It was brutal. I liked the coolness of winter and running through the cold fog and letting it steal the air from my lungs. I liked the way my sweat would freeze against my skin and I liked the way everything seemed so still.

The dark wood of the porch is dry and harsh against the bottom of my thighs. Part of me always feels uncomfortable in this home, even when Sam wasn't home. I didn't like him and the way he looked at me. I was thinking that I wanted to go home but I thought that I couldn't go there without Bobby and I was wondered what she was saying at that table. Emily was wrong, I thought, Bobby and Kim couldn't get along. They couldn't be friends. It was almost like it was against their nature, like trying to force to magnets together. Bobby was sharp-tongued and quicked-witted and she sniff out weakness. Bobby was shiny and glossy. Kim was unsure and hesitant and blushing. Kim would flushed with indignation and she had the capacity to be softer and giddier than anyone I had ever know.

And I thought that sometimes cuts run too deep and they couldn't be stitched back up. I didn't that either Leah or Emily really did anything wrong and even still, there was something that happened between the two of them that was irreparable. I wondered what that must feel like and I wondered what it would take to ever come close to reaching that point of forgiveness. I thought that Leah must've really cared about Bobby.

I wanted to know more about her. Leah was guarded and she moved in ways that reminded me of Bear before the whole change happened. Sharp, unrelenting. I struggled to find the differences between them besides the obvious: whereas Bear was explosive and erupting, Leah was silent and poised. But there was something in her eyes that always put me on edge, just like his did.

There was another glaring difference between Bear and Leah, though, and that was that Leah Clearwater hated me. There was really no obvious reason why, I just knew that she did. And I thought that maybe it was simply because I was Embry's imprint or whatever. She didn't have a good history with that concept.

Imprint. It was strange. It didn't feel like something that came with the territory of shifting into a giant wolf to kill undead people made of granite. And the thought of it made me pick at the skin around my fingernails. Unconditional love for the rest of time. It made me wanna throw up.

Whooping ripped me from my thoughts. They emerged from the trees one by one, the whole lot of them. I was in no way accustomed to the concept of the pack. Every time I thought about it I felt stupid. But when they bounced out from the woods, laughing and tossing around loose insults, they sure as hell looked like one.

Paul came bounding towards me first, shit-eating grin plastered on his face. I liked Paul, he was a hell of a lot like me. I thought that maybe at one point he was friends with Bear, and he was the only person in the Olympic Peninsula that knew shit about Diogenes. "Hey, Cree! You get kicked out for almost burning down the kitchen?" He was annoying as hell, though.

He ruffled my hair as he walked past me, messing up my ponytail. "Talk shit about me again and I'm spitting on all your food, Lahote."

"Then Embry won't feel special when you do that for him," Paul said, faking concern as he headed into the house, ready to demolish some food.

"That's gross Paul!" Seth called, as he ran from the edge of the tree line straight for the door. He skidded to a stop next to me briefly, "Hey Remy. What'd you guys make?"

"Cookies."

Seth whooped, and then sprinted past me once more.

Jared was next, walking side by side with Sam. "How is it in there?" he asked, slight frown on his face. Me and Jared, it had gotten better. We talked sometimes, cordial and sometimes joking. It was sometimes easy to forget, when he cracked jokes and teased. But it could fade pretty quickly, disappear and come back like nothing had ever happened. And even though Jared and I could sometimes get along, he and Embry were still shaky, just as Kim and I were.

I shrugged. "Oh you know. Hell."

From Jared's side, Sam frowned. His gaze made me shift. "That bad, huh?"

Quil placed a large hand on Jared's shoulder. "You owe me ten bucks, dude," he reminded them.

Jared rolled his eyes and stepped past me, Sam in tow. "Whatever."

Quil sat beside me. "How are you not in there with a pig head on a stick?"

"I dunno. Guess I don't really care," I said, scanning the yard for any other sort of movement.

"Embry's out doing a quick perimeter run with Jake," Quil said, answering the question I had yet to ask. "Training with him was annoying as fuck today. Kid couldn't get his head straight. He was like, I hope Remy's okay. I wonder what Remy's doing. I miss Remy. Remy's legs look really nice in those shorts."

I balled my fist up and plunged it into Quil's arms. "Shut up, idiot. Don't tell me those things," I chided, face flushed. I didn't wanna know what Embry was thinking and I didn't want to know what he was thinking about me.

Rubbing his arm, Quil laughed. "Seriously, though, Remy. I'm happy for you two. God knows you gave him hell, but I think you guys are gonna be great together." He pursed his lips and titled his head. "Actually, you're definitely gonna be great together, cause like, fate and shit."

"Eloquent."

"Nah, Remy, for real," he said, smiling slightly, "Embry's good for you. I don't even know if you notice, but you've changed in like, a really good way. You don't look like you'll rip off the head of anyone who gets too close to you anymore. You smile sometimes."

I blew out air from my cheeks. "I might have to call it then. Last thing I want is people approaching me."

Quil rolled his eyes at me. "Whatever, drama queen. I know you're happy. Just let me know if he steps out of line, though. I'll gut him."

"Whatever," I said as Quil stood and shuffled into the house, patience with me run out and desperate for food. Embry's never-ending appetite made more since to me after I met the rest of them.

I sat there, twisting my fingers together as I waited for Embry, knots in my stomach. Everything felt so weird and new and unfamiliar. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what anything meant. I didn't know how to have a boyfriend. But I knew that I liked being around Embry and I liked holding his hand and I didn't want to do that with anyone else and the idea of him doing it with anyone else made me want to break a lot of things. So I guessed it was fine.

It was like I could sense him before he even stepped into my line of vision. My back straightened out and a smile involuntarily spread on my face. He made me so soft.

Embry pushed through the branches, smiling just like I was. He was really just pretty. Wide smile and clear skin and a glint in his eyes that made my heart hammer. I had always felt this way around him but ever since I had given into it, everything was amplified. Embry rushed over to my side, pulling me tight into his side and planting wet kisses on the side of my face. And I giggled. "I missed you," he said in between kisses.

"So I heard," I said, still laughing as I gently pushed his face away, but not before giving him a quick peck on the lips. Kissing him was weird. It felt like something I wouldn't ever get used to. "Quil's not really good about keeping your thoughts to himself. I'm glad you like my shorts, though."

Arms still around me, he dropped his forehead to my shoulder, groaning. "Should I kill him? I think I'll kill him."

"That'd be a sight."

Embry looked up at me again. And whenever he looked at me, there was something in his eyes, something so coated in adoration and love, that I felt transfixed. I couldn't believe that i didn't see it before. "How was your day baking?" he asked, slight teasing tone in his voice.

I shrugged. "Probably worse than your day."

He blinked. "We have to fight and kill an army of extremely powerful newborn vampires that are trying to kill Bella Swan and her boyfriend's entire family."

"Well that doesn't sound that bad," I said, slightly humming. "You should try sitting in that kitchen for ten minutes."

Embry turned his head around to look into the house for a moment. "No, you're right that sounds worse."

I rested my against his shoulder, nuzzling in closer to him. "You're gonna be safe though, right? Fighting all the baby vampires?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, we'll be fine. We'll be back before dark and then we can finally watch Ladybird together."

"I hate that movie," I groaned.

"Not when you watch it with me, you won't."

"Why, will there suddenly be a plot when I watch it with you?"

"There is not plot that's the point. Things don't have to adhere to a traditional storytelling structure, Remy."

I laughed. "How was training today?"

"Well," Embry started, kicking his legs out, "as you can imagine, it is super fun to be around a bunch of my mortal enemies as we plot to wage war."

"That sounds fun," I mused. "Why didn't Leah have to go?"

"Sam's really easy on Leah," he explained, fingers tracing over the skin on my collarbone. "She convinced him it would be better for her to stay home and make sure you guys were safe. And I mean, he basically lets her do whatever she wants, cause of the guilt and everything."

"What the hell would Leah need to protect us from?" I asked, trying to imagine anything that could've happened that would've required intervention.

"Punk ass vampires. Each other."

"She didn't really do a good job, then," I said, chuckling slightly. "I thought that maybe she was gonna lunge across the table and throttle someone."

Embry frowned. "I think Leah's extra on edge today. She's gonna tell Bobby."

"Tell Bobby what?" I asked, and then when it hit me, my gut sank. "Oh, oh god no."

"Yeah."

I groaned, dropping my face in my hands. "She's gonna kill me when she finds out I knew and didn't tell her."

Embry laughed. "No she's not."

"She's at least gonna try."

And I wasn't sure if Embry knew he was lying when he said, "I think Bobby has the capacity to be understanding. She's gonna get why you didn't say anything."

But I knew better. "I'm gonna be so embarrassed if Bobby ends up being the one to kill me. Her hands are so small."

"Oh, come on, give her a chance to be-"

He was cut off by the sound of the screen door creaking open and then slamming shut. Bobby's long, silky hair caked in cookie dough, and her clothes and face were coated in a thin layer of flour that floated around her while she stormed out into the front yard. Bobby turned and looked at me and Embry. Her fists were balled up by her side, shaking. "Remy, I'm gonna go home before I commit war crimes. I'll see you later," she said, voice huffed and strained, and she stormed off towards her car.

I gave Embry a knowing look. "She's gonna kill me."

Embry shifted his weight around. "Well, I mean, if you're that worried about your safety and everything, you could always spend the night at my place."

My mouth immediately went dry. "You mean, like, stay over? For the night?"

"Well, like, yeah I mean," he stumbled, "if you want to."

I looked away, desperate not to reveal the flush in my cheeks. "Maybe next time."

Sometimes, late at night, when Embry was patrolling, Bear would come and see me. He would scale the side of Bobby's house like some sort of horrifying creature from a John Carpenter movie.

I was awake, anyways. Bobby wasn't home and it was well past midnight and I didn't know if that meant Leah's big reveal went really well or really terrible and it left me feeling knotted up and electrified with nervous energy. And I figured I was happy for Bobby, and Leah too, that their relationship was going so well that Leah could tell her. But I had no idea what was going to happen. Bobby could be kind of unpredictable, and there was really no way to tell someone's reaction to their significant other transforming into a giant wolf.

So I was grateful for the distraction.

"You're different," Bear said to me, sitting a few feet away from me with his back upright against the foundation of Bobby's house.

I scoffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. Bear was different, too, more astute. He noticed things. He never really did when he was human. Bear always lived too deep in his own head to notice the world around him. Now he noticed when I shifted at the different inflection of his words or when I had to fight the urge to chew up my lip. "You're just different."

Frowning, I uprooted a weed growing against the house and threw it towards the woods. "Yeah, but different how?"

Bear didn't move. He kept his jaw locked tight and he stared straight ahead. "I don't like what they did to you, Remy. You're not the same person I knew."

I raised an eyebrow. "What, now that I'm happy?" I snapped. "Am I only myself when I'm to depressed to eat?"

He still didn't move. His shoulders didn't rise and fall with heavy breaths like they used to. Anger crept up my throat. Bear didn't even breath anymore and he thought he could chastise me for being different. "Why do you think you're happy now? Because you have a boyfriend? Because you spend all your time with your friends? You think those things make you happy?"

"Yeah, typically those are the types of things that make people happy, Briah."

"They're just band-aids, Remy. You know that."

Something flared in my chest. "You're not making any sense."

He shook his head, still not looking over in my direction. "You're just using them as a distraction, Rem. Because even though you think you're happy to be around Call and Bobby and everyone, you still haven't talked to Mom and Dad in what? Like a month? That's not an unresolved problem, Remy. You need your parents, no matter how shitty they are."

I swallowed the spit that pooled up under my tongue, throat suddenly feeling sticky. "I thought you were glad I got away from them."

"I would be, if you had any plans to be independent. I mean, fuck Remy," he exclaimed, suddenly loosing his cool and whipping his head towards me, "I had to sell the dirtiest drugs I could find just for a chance to get away from them and to be on my own. And look, I am glad that you're not in their house anymore, but now you're just living out of someone else's palm. What are you gonna do when Bobby's parents decide they don't want you in their house anymore? Or when they move away? Do you know what you're gonna do?"

"I-well, I'll figure something out, if that happens. Alright? I have a lot of people who care about me and no one's gonna let me fall flat on my ass, alright?"

"What, so you'll go live with your boyfriend who's mom hates you? What if he dumps you?"

I wanted to break something. "He won't."

"You've been dating for less than a week."

My head was spinning and I stood, wishing Bear was human so I could hit him. "What are you trying to get at here Bear? Huh? Trying to make me feel like shit for what?"

Bear frowned. "I'm not trying to hurt you," he said, gently. "I just want you to think about this, alright? It's things you have to considered to cover your ass. And honestly," he said, and then paused for a moment and then said, "I have an idea. A solution, so you don't have to worry about any of this stuff anymore. And you can just exist without having to worry about getting kicked out or money for college or any of that."

I cross my arms, frowning down at Bear. "What?"

But before he can answer, there was a sound from the woods. Shuffling and snapping and I saw Embry, the wolf version of him, massive and imposing at the tree line. He was snarling, a chilling sound that almost made me run. But it wasn't for me, it was for my brother. Bear knew this too. He frowned. "That's my cue to go," he said, standing. "We'll talk about this next time. Love you, kid," he said, and before I could open my mouth, he was gone.

The anger drained from me once he was gone, and I turned back to find Embry, to probe him for answers. But Embry had disappeared, too, and I didn't see him for the rest of the night.

i just got a new kitten and her favorite hobby is stomping on my keyboard while i try to write so sometimes the story will just be like "Hey Remym krgjshfioxbbfdxc." shes evil and i love her. i honestly don't know when this story is gonna end because i want to write like 400 chapters of embry and remy just being nice and having fun and about everyones group dynamics. but what do u wanna see! more drama that progresses the main plot or more fluff/chapters like this. cause i can definitely fit a ton more fluff in bc i honestly dont really want stop writing. anyways this is just basically a filler chapter until i decide which im gonna do. also i love doing these incorrect quote things and im gonna keep doing them but does anyone even read them lol

remy: i have never done anything wrong ever
embry: i know this and i love you

paul: you owe me a dollar
remy: you'll have to kill me for it

kim: we need to talk
bobby: that has never been true

remy: hey look! im melting butter
emily: well done, you now have the cooking skills of a hot day

ALSO the much requested cryptid playlist! (some of these songs are only on youtube bc im stupid indie fuck)

coyote by bay faction / 1994 by the vernes / nbtsa by joyce manor / liar's love by title fight / lemon by n.e.r.d / gnaw by alex g / nowhere by pinkpirate / her and cigarettes by cheap girls / bobby by alex g / destroyed by hippie powers by car seat headrest / i threw glass at my friend's eyes and now i'm on probation by destroy boys / mind fields by no vacation / think of you by bleached / looking out for you by joy again / she's a killer by girl fight / caroline by lowertown / caught in frustration by corners / captive cows by bay faction / crockpot by slothrust / window by tigers jaw / raspberry vines by petite league / sorry you didn't get to kiss that boy you wanted to kiss by joy again / where is my mind by the pixies / i tore you apart in my head by balance and composure / awful things by from indian lakes / cutter by bay faction