Disclaimer: I don't own Boku no Hero Academia.
Natsuo is four years old when he realizes that something's not quite right with his family.
His father isn't around much, either out working, crowding over his new little brother in hopes of seeing his quirk potential, or pulling Touya-nii away for one of his special 'training sessions'. He doesn't really see him most days, and he prefers it that way.
(His father is the number 2 hero mama tells him, a very strong man-)
Heroes are supposed to be good, kind, and safe, he thinks stubbornly. He sees them giving interviews on the news, he sees All Might shining that bright smile through the screen. Yes, he thinks smiling back, this is what a hero is.
His father isn't any one of those things.
(His eyes aren't those of a hero. Heroes are supposed to be warm and comforting. He sees the way Mama flinches when he walks into the room. The way Fuyumi becomes more subdued. The way Touya-)
Touya has a fire in his eyes whenever he looks at their father. Frail stature struggling to stand up a little straighter whenever met with his presence. Touya had always had something to prove.
(Looking back, he wishes he could've told Touya how he felt. Wishes he could've said that he didn't have to prove anything to that man. That Touya Todoroki was one of the greatest people he knew, his amazing older brother, and that was enough. All Natsuo could do was sit there, however. Sit there as Touya unraveled more and more. More than anything he wanted to make that man proud-)
Natsuo is four years old when he realizes that the feelings he has towards his father are more than just fear. He helps Touya bandage his wounds, His older brother-who had always been so frail, so soft spoken- struggling to hold back tears.
"I'll make him proud," Touya vows, gritting his teeth as Fuyumi puts some ointment on his burns.
(The feeling he has toward his father is pure unadulterated hatred-)
Endeavor is out on a mission, Natsuo thinks excitedly. He lives for moments like these.
(Moments where they can all breathe a little easier. Where everything's a bit more peaceful. Where Touya and Mama especially can smile just a bit more-)
He doesn't really like calling the man his dad. It doesn't seem right to him. Mama is Mama because she takes care of him. Endeavor doesn't do that.
Mama used to spend a lot of time with them, but ever since the baby was born she's been distant.
Shouto is his name, and Natsuo can't help but feel a bit curious about him.
He cries all the time, and can't do much of anything except stare back at you with his weird chubby face.
Fuyumi thinks he's the cutest baby in the world with his different colored eyes, and pale complexion. Natsuo just thinks he looks weird.
(Touya doesn't come near Shouto much. He stares at the baby with an unreadable look on his face, and Natsuo wants nothing more than to ask him what's wrong. Touya had been a puzzle. There were moments when he wore his heart on his sleeve, and moments like this when Natsuo couldn't figure him out at all-)
He reaches a hand towards the baby, and is surprised when he grabs on with an ironclad grip. He gives Natsuo a toothy smile, and despite his earlier feelings he can't help but laugh.
"Touya, Fuyumi, Natsuo," Their mother says, holding the baby close to her lovingly. "This is your little brother. You have to protect him, okay?"
Fuyumi and him both chorus back excitedly, but Touya remains silent. He simply nods his head.
(Touya had always been a bit quiet, but now there was something more. He looked at Shouto not like he was a brother in need of protection, but as if he was an obstacle to overcome-)
That day Natsuo promises himself that no matter what he'll protect all of them. Touya who's too frail, Fuyumi who's too giving, Mama who's strong but not strong enough.
He looks down at Shouto, and pinches his cheek, eliciting a cry from the baby.
He'll protect Shouto too, he vows. He'll do whatever he can to keep that innocence intact.
(He fails on all accounts he thinks years later when there's a space where Touya is supposed to be. Where Shouto stares ahead angrily with an angry scar on his face at the back of a father who didn't really give a damn about any of them. When Fuyumi cries in her sleep, apologizing to Touya for not doing more. When his mother is gone and he can't visit her-)
Natsuo is nine when he finds out that Shouto is special.
They're sitting at the dinner table, Touya sneaking him pieces of his sashimi when it happens.
Shouto sneezes, and before Natsuo even has a chance to say 'bless you' his right side goes up in flames.
To his dying breath, Natsuo will deny screaming like a little girl as Fuyumi takes action, helping to calm Shouto down.
Shouto trembles, four years old and confused as to what in the world is even going on. Mama looks subdued, taking Shouto into her arms as Fuyumi holds his hand.
He takes a look at Endeavor, and feels sick once he sees the expression on his face.
(Endeavor never smiled, Natsuo thought the man didn't know how. But that day, he had the biggest smile on his face. All teeth as he shot up from his chair-)
"There's no time to waste," He says, placing Fuyumi out of the way as he grabs Shouto's hand. Shouto looks so incredibly confused, as their mother shakes her head in disbelief, tugging Shouto closer to her. "Finally there's been success!"
(Natsuo doesn't quite know what he means by that until later that night. Touya explains to him, blue eyes that were just like his defeated, as he hugged his legs to his chest. He had never heard of quirk marriages before, but it suddenly makes a bit more sense now. He remembers Endeavor's disappointment when his quirk appeared. How he had hissed that it still wasn't enough, that he wasn't enough-)
He hears his mother try to calm the man down, try to tell him that training can wait. His mother gets pushed aside like nothing.
(He loves his mother, but there was always a deep dark part of him that wishes she was stronger. That she would have stood up to him, if not for herself but for her children-)
Endeavor takes Shouto away, the child kicking and screaming to no avail. Natsuo sits helplessly, his appetite lost.
(They stop having family dinners after that night. Endeavor doing his best to separate the failures from his masterpiece-)
Natsuo is nine when he finally realizes how useless he really is.
Natsuo is ten when the final piece sets into place.
His mother's gone, put into a hospital that none of them are able to visit. Fuyumi won't stop crying. Shouto at the ripe age of 5 is angry at the world and has lost any of the innocence that made him him.
And Touya-
(Him crouching on the floor, smoke coming up from his skin. "I have to make him proud-")
Touya was gone. Gone in a pile of ash and smoke trying to prove he was worth something.
(Natsuo wishes he had known. He wishes he had known how much he meant to him. Not as some stupid experiemnt, but as a human being-)
Endeavor shakes his head, as they all stand in front of his grave.
"Not enough," He can hear the man whisper, eyes slightly subdued. "Still not enough,"
(That night Natsuo screams himself raw, breaking everything in sight as Endeavor takes Shouto away for another training session. Touya's death not slowing him down in the slightest. He hates Endeavor for not caring, He hates Shouto for being born special and making them all seem even more inadequate, he hates Fuyumi for still clinging to dreams of one day being a happy family, He hates his mother for not fighting back-)
He hates Touya for not seeing his own worth. He hates Touya for leaving him.
(Most of all, Natsuo hates himself-)
Natsuo is ten when his world truly crumbles. When he breaks down sobbing into Fuyumi's arms to the sound of Shouto's cries from down the hall.
Natsuo is ten when he realizes he can never forgive his father.
(He sees Endeavor go to visit Touya's shrine once in a while. The one moment, where he shows a sense of humility. But it's not enough. It'll never be enough until he knows the pain Touya felt. The pain he caused all of them-)
Without Touya, Natsuo closes in on himself. He starts middle school with a solemn expression on his face, and his lips sealed shut.
Touya had always told him he didn't know how to shut up sometimes, now he can't talk much at all.
He focuses on his studies, determined to do everything he can to be the best. To prove that just because he wasn't a masterpiece, he was still worth something.
He makes it to the top of his class, and Fuyumi bakes him a chocolate cake to celebrate.
(Touya liked Chocolate cake-)
He starts highschool, still striving to be better.
He has no intention of being a hero, no intention of joining a system that celebrates people like him. At least, he doesn't want to be a hero in a traditional sense.
He thinks about his mother, her frightened screams as she wallowed over what she had done to Shouo. Her subdued look as she was taken away.
Natsuo never wants something like that to happen to a person he cares about again.
(More than anything he wants to make up for those he couldn't protect. People like Touya, Shouto and Mama that he couldn't help. He needs to be better-)
He goes through highschool, still at the top of his class with no one to oppose him. One day while studying in the library, someone pops into the seat across from him.
Now Natsuo's always been cordial, but he's never exactly tried to make friends at his new school. He had other goals in mind.
(That ambition that ate Touya up. That pushed him to destroy himself. Natsuo is beginning to understand it-)
Miki is a nice girl. She's a bit quiet, sarcastic, and has a gigantic chip on her shoulder and something to prove.
(So much like Touya-)
She asks him for help with her history assignment, lips pursed together as if the very notion of asking someone for help is absurd. Natsuo laughs at that, causing her to scowl.
"Something funny top scorer?"
(A similar scowl while they were playing football. Touya had fallen over after tripping on his own feet. Natsuo busted out laughing. Blue eyes narrowed, as the usually respectful boy lightly kicked Natsuo in the shin. "Something funny Natsu-kun-")
Natsuo lets her in, for the first time in a long while actually acting like himself.
(He thought that person died with Touya-)
With Miki, comes Saboru and Asagao. With them comes more and more people he can finally connect with.
For the first time he feels like a normal kid.
(He tells Fuyumi about it, slightly taken aback when she crushes him in a hug. Tears coat his jacket as she tells him how happy she is for him-)
Natsuo is fifteen when he regains a sense of normalcy in his life.
He graduates high school at the top of his class. The usually quiet Miki cheering him on from the crowd, as Fuyumi takes as many pictures as possible. She had been able to sneak Shouto out too, and while happy that his brother gets to escape their father, Natsuo doesn't really know how to interact with Shouto.
(He wasn't that innocent child anymore. Natsuo didn't know how to handle him-)
Endeavor didn't come, which made Natsuo even more incredibly happy.
Miki and him both get accepted to Tokyo University, him majoring in health science, and her majoring in English. The rest of their friend group scatters a bit.
As he takes his diploma from his counselor, after giving what he thought was a pretty kickass speech, he looks out into the crowd once more.
He sees blue eyes staring back at him and for a moment his stomach curls. He rubs his eyes only to see the blue eyes vanish.
(Touya. Would Touya be proud of him?)
That night, after multiple celebrations, he goes to Touya's shrine.
He feels awkward visiting it, and frankly -although he would never tell Fuyumi this- thinks it's stupid.
Touya was more than just a picture. He was fire, and he was more than a single picture could even hope to convey.
But, even so, that night he puts his hands together and prays.
(Touya was his everything when they were children-)
Something wet makes its way down his face.
The tears come hard and fast, and Natsuo finds he can't stop them.
"Touya," he says, speaking the boy's name out loud for the first time in years. The words he had been wanting to say for years finally flowing out. "Why didn't you think you were enough?"
He's met with silence, and Natsuo lets out a harsh kind of laugh at that. He rubs at his face, and shakily makes it to his feet.
"For years I kept wondering," He says softly. "What if I had told you that you were enough? That you didn't need that bastard's approval? Would you still be alive?"
(Would he have been at his graduation? Would everything in the world be a little better-)
"Why did you let what he wanted overshadow your own needs?" Natsuo spat out. "Why were you so damn stubborn?"
(Every night, he would push himself more and more. Even when Shouto had been picked, he still pushed himself-)
Finally, the dam bursts.
"Why did you leave me?" Natsuo asks, blubbering like a baby. "I needed you. Fuyumi needed you. We all needed you,"
He's met with silence once again, and Natsuo lets out a shaky sigh.
(The dead can't speak back to you-)
"I'm starting University," Natuso says instead, changing the subject as he hurreidly rubs at his eyes. "You always said I was more brawn than brains, but I graduated top of my class. The speech I gave was totally amazing,"
He imagined Touya laughing at that, and making some sarcastic comment.
"There's a girl," Natsuo said a bit slower, face turning red. "Miki. She kinda reminds me of you in some ways. I don't have a crush on her or anything, seriously I think she'd kill me if I did, but she's a good friend,"
Natsuo pursed his lips, finally letting his shoulders sag.
(Touya who deserved so much more than the hand he was dealt. Touya who wanted to please a man who could never be satisfied. Touya who died in a pile of ash and smoke-)
"I love you, Touya-nii," Natsuo says softly, reverting back to his childhood self for only a moment. "No matter what anyone said, for me you were always enough,"
He turns around, collecting his shoes and leaving the room. He stops at the door, turning his head back, for only a moment.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that when you were alive,"
(Natsuo is 18 when he finally regains balance in his life-)
AN: Just a little look into Natsuo's character. I was heavily inspired to write about some Todoroki drama after seeing the leaks for chapter 290. I hope you guys enjoyed this.
Things to address:
-You may have noticed that Meraki has been deleted. While I still have every intention of finishing Meraki one day(It's the one story I promise to never give up on), and am working on making it the best it can be, I just wanted to start fresh a bit in terms of the story. I know I've done this multiple times, but each time I write Meraki I end up not feeling satisified. I love the characters and the story, but I feel as if I can do so much better. Therefore I'm taking a much longer time to prewrite the story, and some chapters so I don't delete it and start over yet again. In the meantime, I'll try to keep on publishing one shots like this and other things to keep in practice. I'd love some suggestions in the comments.