"Rogers! Rogers let go of the wheel!"
Tony Stark pried Steve's white knuckled grip off the helm of the quinjet and yanked him out of the pilot's seat with some effort. He fell to his hands and knees, one arm wrapped around his torso, his breath coming short. The jet pitched sideways and continued to plummet, until finally Tony leveled it out again.
"Good God Rogers! What were you thinking?!"
Steve didn't respond, his eyes were wide open but unseeing, the events unfolding in his mind blocking out reality. Steve had been listening to Natasha attentively, trying to understand what was happening after she called out to him. Natasha had thought he had arrived, been tricked into opening the safe house door, that much he had gathered, but after that point her emotions had become so powerful that they had overwhelmed him, and he struggled to sort them out enough to see what was happening to her. Whatever Natasha had seen, it had felt like the tearing of her soul, like redemption right within reach had been yanked from her grasp, as though everything good in life had turned out to be a cruel lie. Layered over everything was a sense of complete failure, a wasted life. Steve experienced it powerfully, painfully, with only a vague awareness that the feeling did not belong to him, but it was all too familiar. He had felt this way before, and he remembered it now vividly. Bucky falling from the traincar, his hand slipping through Steve's fingers. Peggy's recent funeral, the symbol of a life he lost forever. Every man he had ever lost in battle floated before his eyes like they used to during the war. Waking up to find every friend he had was dead. Steve clenched his teeth against the abject despair that flooded through him, until as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Steve took a shuddering breath and blinked away the visions.
"Steve? What just happened?" Bucky sat before him, his face white. Steve looked at him but didn't answer, dread beginning to spread through him. "Natasha," her name came out in a whisper.
Natasha?!
He was met with a silence he hadn't experienced since before they had been connected. There was nothing, no dreams, no sense of life.
"Oh my God," Steve spun around to Tony who was now flying the jet. Steve seized Tony's collar and began to drag him from the seat, "Get out of my way!" The jet veered sideways and Tony struggled for control, "What the hell Rogers?! Stop!"
Bucky and Sam quickly pulled Steve off of Tony, pressing him into a chair with effort. "Steve stop! Tell us what you saw!" Steve struggled, panic on his face. He snarled at them, "We don't have time, let me go! We have to get there NOW!" He lunged forward, knocking Sam backwards and rushing past Bucky, beyond rational thought. Wanda stepped calmly in front of him and touched his cheek. Steve froze, Wanda's power holding him in place. She looked at him sternly, "Steve, you are wasting precious time. Show me." Steve shuddered and let what he had felt flow through her, and she stumbled slightly as she received it. Vision steadied her, watching them both with concern. Bucky's face was furious, "Take that spell off him witch, or I will make you. You have no right to control him." Wanda ignored him and looked at Vision, who had put his arm around her protectively, "It's Natasha…" she stuttered, her eyes wide and welling with tears, "Clint and his family.. I think they… Darya tricked Natasha into opening the door…" Her voice trailed off in horror, everyone stared at her. Vision looked at her soberly, "And Natasha?" Wanda looked at Steve, still glowing red with her power. She looked at Bucky who was glaring at her and whispered, "He can't feel her. He thinks she's…" Steve choked and struggled furiously against Wanda but in vain. "Steve, we have to work as a team. If I let you go you MUST control yourself. You and Natasha taught us to work together, and that is what we will do." She put her hand on his shoulder, "We are here for you." She released him, and he turned and paced to the back of the plane and stopped, his hands balled. He slammed his fist repeatedly into the wall then turned and looked at his team, who watched him warily. Tony spoke up from the pilot's seat, "Suit up everyone, we're landing in five." Steve glared at the ground, trembling. Wanda went to him hesitantly, "Steve.." she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but he caught her wrist in his hand. Seeing her frightened expression Steve released her, somewhat ashamed, but too sick with worry to give it much thought. He looked at her angrily, "Just stay out of my way Wanda." She looked stricken, but he didn't notice as he went to get his shield, his mind far away, dwelling on a foreign silence that seemed to drag him into a dark hole of despair.
Natasha. Clint. Laura and the children. Could it be possible? Were they all dead? Were Natasha's final thoughts in life that she had been a failure? Had her nightmares finally become reality? He felt ill as he waited there during the painful minutes it took them to land. Bucky stood silently beside him but Steve barely noticed. If she was dead he would never forgive himself. He had made the wrong choice, fleeing to Wakanda like a coward, letting her fight battles that were too big for her on her own. Ice seemed to settle in his veins, and he knew that after this day, no matter what had happened, he would not come out of it unchanged.
The jet landed with a thud. Steve slammed the button that released the door and was off before it had even completely opened.