Is This Love?

Chapter Three

Constructive Conversation

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

She smiles down at me. "We're friends right? This is how I show my love to my friend."

"L-Love...", I think to myself, "It's been a while since I've had someone who loved me. The last time I had people like that... They... were taken..."

I look up at Harper. Her eyes sparkle in the sun and her shiny hair bounces with every step. But the brightest thing about her is her smile. That's something I never want to lose.

"I have to keep Harper at arms distance", I think to myself, "I can't lose someone I love. Not again."

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[Y/N]'s- POV

I climb into my bed and hide completely under the covers. I turn my body away from Harper and towards the wall.

"Uhm... [F/N]..? Do you.. wanna talk about what happened?", Harper stutters.

I hear Harper's bed creak. She must've sat down. I remain still and silent.

"[F/N]. I know you might not want to, but you probably should. You don't want to hold in that anger.", Harpers says coaxingly.

My eyes follow the seams from under the covers. Why am I ignoring her? No... I know why. Because I'm a coward who doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm pathetic.

Harper sighs. "I understand, [F/N]. You need time. I'll leave you alone now."

I hear the bed creak again and light footsteps walking to the door.

"Harper", I say while remaining under the covers.

"Yes, [F/N]?"

"I would like to talk about it, if you don't mind listening."

I hear her footsteps quickly make their way back to her bed, which creaks when she sits back down.

"B-But if you don't mind, I'd like to stay under the sheets. For now."

"Whatever you want!", Harper says.

I can just hear her smiling by the way her voice changed. When did this girl grow so attached to me? Sure, we roomed together for three years, but it's not like she really knows me. She knows nothing about my life before I became a cadet. I was a slightly different girl three years ago. She only knows the soldier me.

I started at the beginning. How Hanji and I talked down the hallway, then being taken into a room to be cleaned up, how I vented a little to Hanji, then Hanji telling me about the shirts in the cupboard before leaving, how I began changing when the door opened, then the Captain opening the curtain on me, I mentioned our little dispute, lastly I talked about how I pretty much blew up on him before storming out of the room. Harper listened without saying more than a word or two. Then I wrapped things up by explaining how confused I was with my situation and asking how I could possibly fix everything.

"Thank you, [F/N]."

"Huh? What?", I question, "Why are you thanking me?"

"For telling me all that", Harper explains, "You never talk about your feelings. You always have this tough girl act all the time; especially during training. You seem incredibly mature and maybe even a little less human. But right now, you genuinely sounded like a young girl your age. And you decided to share that side of you with me. That's why I thanked you."

I roll over and pull the covers down past my face. I look over at Harper. She's rubbing her eyes. She notices me looking at her.

"Oh! Hello!", Harper says lowering her hands from her slightly red eyes while giggling, "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

I sit up and lean my back against the wall furthest from Harper.

"Well, [F/N], you're in an interesting situation. But maybe the thing you need right now is to let off a little steam and clear your head. Once you do that, maybe you can start to think clearly and rationally. You're older and so you have more experience with people."

"Is the Captain even considered a real person?", I say to myself sarcastically.

"When I need to clear my head", Harper continues, "I go outside into a nice meadow or field. I love being under the beautiful open sky surrounded by nothing but the breeze, grass, and trees. It's calming for me. Maybe you need to find your calm place?"

I look over at my Survey Corps jacket draped atop my dresser.

"I have an idea", I say with a small smile.

"Good", Harper says as she stands up, "Well you have the whole day because you're sick. You might not wanna be seen though. They would know something's up then."

"Ah don't worry", I say reassuringly, "I won't be seen."

I anchor into a nearby tree as I soar through the air. There's a 4 meter 17 meters away at my 3 o'clock and a 15 and 10 meter class 8 meters away at my 10 o'clock. I propel myself forward using as little gas as possible while I continue to pick up speed. I feel the wind whistle through my [H/C] hair. I come up to the 4 meter training statue titan, angle my blades, pick up more speed, and slice through the nape. I turn to my left, shoot out my left anchor and change directions towards the last two titans. I zigzag through the trees with my blades at the ready. I fly 6 meters above the 15 meter, anchor my right hook into the 10 meter's head, fly down towards both titans, and nearly simultaneously take out both napes. I fly up to a nearby tree, dig into my shirt pocket, pull out a stopwatch, and check my time.

"Sweet! New record!", I say as lift my free hand into the air in excitement, "That's my best time so far!"

I place my stopwatch back into my pocket and take out a piece of paper and pencil. I write down the number of kills and the time it took me. I put the paper and pencil back and propel myself down to the ground. I look around at the titan statues. I notice that almost all of them I can see are all cut up.

"I should probably replace that material on the nape myself", I think aloud, "I'm supposed to be sick right now. And they might be using these for training later."

I look around the area of trees. "How many were there again..?"

I groan at the realization that I needed to count how many training statues now needed to be fixed. I launch both anchoring hooks into two trees and make my way towards the end of the area. I make a sweep of the whole area counting each titan statue in need of repairs. I land on a branch of one of the biggest trees in the forest.

"Okay. So if I counted right...", I mumble to myself.

I hear a zipping noise. I look down just as a soldier flies up the tree and lands on the branch directly above me.

"Someone's here?! Who? All the new soldiers are busy, at least that's where Harper is.", I think to myself, "Who isn't busy right now?!"

"Oi."

I look up and immediately recognize who is now above me.

"Hello, Captain", I say sharply, "Is there something I can help you with?"

"What are you doing out here, brat?", he responds, "Aren't the new recruits all together working right now?"

I clench my jaw. I don't know what to focus on more. The fact that he's still calling me names, or that he knows I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

"I-I..." I stutter.

The Captain sighs and looks around. "You training?"

I blink a couple of times both in silence and confusion. Is he not gonna go and tell the higher ups?

"Uh.. yeah.", I answer, "Somethin' like that."

He looks back down at me. "What's your time and how many did you take down in that time?"

I pull out the paper I had my times and kills written on. I go to reach it up to him but I can't quite reach.

The Captain sighs as he jumps down to the branch I'm standing on. "Shorty", he mumbles.

"Oh yeah, like you're one to talk", I say as I hand him the paper.

He glares at me before taking the paper. He reads the list before handing it back to me in silence.

"...Well?", I question, "Got nothing to say?"

The Captain just looks toward the statues on the ground.

"Woah. For the first time ever, the Captain's got nothin' to say.", I retort sarcastically.

He turns his head. "Watch your mouth", he says sharply.

I'm taken aback. But I collect myself quickly. "Yeah? Make me."

I watch the Captain look me up and down. "Tch. That wouldn't be too difficult."

That was the last straw. I drop to the floor and go to kick the Captain's legs out from under him. He jumps back in time and grabs one of my legs. I fall on my back as he yanks me a little closer. I sit up and grab his right wrist. At the same time he slams me back to the ground and grabs my right wrist. His face is just inches from mine. I can feel his hot breath on my face. I feel his grip start to tighten. His dusty-blue eyes are glaring daggers at me. I clench my jaw as I squeeze his wrist just as hard. I go to kick him where it hurts but he holds down my legs with his legs. My body is tense. I don't feel like giving up. I won't lose to him. I lean to my left to gain momentum and jerk myself to the right. The Captain loses his balance and we both roll off the tree branch. I let go of his wrist and he does the same. I reach for my operating devices in my side holsters to propel myself up before I hit the ground. I start feeling around and grab one. As soon as I pull it out I hit a small branch, loose grip, and let go. I look towards the ground. Once I realize how close it is I shut my eyes.

"This was a dumb idea"

I feel something slam against my side. I'm... flying through the air... and not falling!

I slowly open my eyes. I look to my left and see the Captain's face barely a centimeter away from mine.

The Captain takes himself and I to the ground. He places me down and adjusts his 3dmg. I reel in my operation device and clip it back into my holster.

No joke, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"So if you can't win, suicide is your answer?", the Captain asks, breaking the silence.

"N-No!", I say defensively, "I wouldn't've hit the ground!"

"You sure?", the Captain says crossing his arms, "From where I'm standing it looks like I just saved your life."

"Wah-?!", I say stunned.

He turns around. "That'll be my apology. For earlier."

My face softens. That actually... affected him..?

He turns back around. "You wanted my thoughts on your time and kills?", he asks as he unclips both operation devices from their holsters, "I could take down double in half the time."

"Huh?!", I yell.

He shoots out an anchor. "Ah, by the way, thanks for being light."

And with that final remark, he flies through the air and out of sight.

I stand there stunned. Was that.. a compliment..?