Breathing deeply Adilynne stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Shaking her hands out she closed her eyes concentrating on her breathing as she silently counted backwards by threes. Slowly she felt the pressure in her chest ease as her breathing came under control. Splashing water on her face she dried it with her hand towel before picking up her concealer. Going to work on her face she was thankful when a few minutes later she was once again fresh faced and put back together. Hearing the doorbell, Adilynne left her bathroom, grabbed her bag from her bed, and went to answer the door, knowing it was Sarah picking her up for lunch.
"So tell me about your night," Sarah requested as she drove towards the Island Hotel. Clearing her throat Adilynne looked over at her friend, "We had dinner at The Wreck and then they dropped me off. Nothing huge," she answered, turning her gaze back to the front windshield, "What about you? How was your night?" Sensing something off with her friend Sarah glanced over at Adilynne, "It was good. Drank too much and ended up crashing there so if my dad comes asking we had an arousing game of UNO going last night," Sarah answered, laughing. Noticing the lack of expression on Adilynne's face Sarah asked if she was okay. Blinking Adilynne nodded, "I'm fine. Just tired," she answered.
Picking at her chef salad Adilynne listened half heartedly to the conversation around her. She and Sarah were currently sitting at a table with two other girls from school, Scarlett and Mia, and they were discussing Sarah's upcoming Halloween party. "Adilynne, what are you going to dress as?" Sarah asked, attempting to pull her friend into the conversation. "Haven't thought about it," she responded. "Oh, but it has to be something good," Mia exclaimed, "This is like your debut party now that your dad isn't sheriff anymore."
"Mia!" Sarah hissed. Blinking Adilynne finally looked up from her salad, "What are you talking about?" she asked the brunette across from her. Wide eyed Mia looked at both Scarlett and Sarah before clearing her throat, "I'm sorry it's just you've never gone to a party because of your dad and now that he's not here I just thought you'd," Mia stopped talking as Adilynne pushed her chair back and stood, "No, you're right. I'll definitely be there. Listen I uh, told my mother I'd help her at home so I gotta go. Sarah cover me I'll pay you back," Adilynne didn't wait for her friend to answer before grabbing her bag and walking away.
Feeling the pressure in her chest and her breathing pick up Adilynne turned blindly down the hotel corridors until she came to a dead end. Shaking her hands out she closed her eyes attempting to get her breathing back under control again as she counted in her head. It wasn't working this time. Her hands were shaking and her breath was becoming more labored. Blindly she reached for her phone and with shaking hands managed to call her mother. Attempting to focus she listened to the rings crying when it went to voicemail, "Mom, mom please you have to call me. It's happening again," she cried feeling the tears falling.
"Addie?" questioned a voice from behind her. Turning Adilynne found JJ standing behind her with a look of concern on his face, "I can't…. I can't…... breathe," she stuttered out. "Is this one of those panic things?" JJ asked, stepping closer to her as she nodded. "Fuck," he mumbled, "Okay, okay," he muttered, grabbing both of her shaking hands he placed them on his chest, "Okay, you feel me? I'm right here," he told her, grabbing her face and forcing her to look at him, "Match your breathing to mine, okay, in and out," he instructed. "Distract…...distract….. me," she whispered, clutching at his t-shirt.
"Distract? Okay, um, tell me what's your favorite thing to make?" he questioned as he wiped the tears from her face. Focusing on his clear blue eyes Adilynne thought about what he asked her, "Ummm…..a salmon dish. It has like, uh, a…. a parmesan sauce and tomatoes….. and spinach," she answered. "Spinach with my fish? Sounds disgusting," he said in disgust. Letting a breath out Adilynne smiled, "My dad….said the same thing, but…..it's actually good," she told him haltingly. Eyes lighting up JJ smiled, "Tell me what was your dad's favorite thing that you'd make?" Feeling the pressure lighten on her chest Adilynne answered with cookies. "Your chocolate chip ones?" JJ questioned, "He had them at the station one time," he told her after she nodded, "Dear lord, Addie, they were like a fucking orgasm in my mouth."
And with that statement Adilynne felt her breathing return to normal as she laughed at the ridiculous boy in front of her. As her laughter died down Adilynne unclenched her fists from his t-shirt letting her hands lay flat on his chest, "Thank you," she told him quietly. Stroking his hand down her face JJ looked at her intently, "You good now?" he asked, concerned. Taking a deep breath in she exhaled through her nose as she nodded, "Yes, the pressure is gone and I can breathe again." "What," JJ started to say before the sound of her phone stopped him.
Picking her phone up off the floor where she must have dropped it during her panic attack Adilynne saw her mom's name flash across the screen, "It's my mom," she told him before hitting the talk button, "Mom, I'm fine," she said immediately. "Baby, you called me not five minutes ago. How are you fine, already?" Jenna questioned. Glancing at JJ Adilynne smiled, "JJ was with me. He helped me. I swear mom I'm fine," she answered. "I'm going to make you another appointment with Dr. Walsh on Monday and I'm going to cancel my appointments to stay with you," Jenna decided. "No, mom I swear I'm fine and I don't want to see Dr. Walsh again. Like ever. She said something to me this morning that was a part of this and I don't find her helpful," Adilynne pleaded. "What did she say?" Jenna asked, concerned. Hesitating Adilynne sighed, "I don't want to talk about it. It'll only upset you and I'm not doing that, but I promise mom I'm fine now."
"Okay," Jenna relented, "Maybe you should come home," she suggested. "Mom, I'm fine. We're supposed to meet up with the others to go surfing later. I just want to do normal things," Adilynne told her. Sighing Jenna told her to be home by 1 again, "Be careful and you call me if it happens again," she told her daughter. "It won't and if it does JJ will be with me," she assured her mother. "Yes, tell him thank you for me," Jenna said. "I will. I love you," Adilynne told her. "Love you too, baby," Jenna responded before they hung up.
Leaning against the wall Adilynne looked at the boy in front of her, "My mom said thank you," she told him as he simply nodded at her. "I'm done work and was heading out when I saw you coming down here. You want to go somewhere or go back to your friends?" JJ asked. "Truthfully I'd rather go with you," she told him. Nodding he took her hand and led her out of the hotel to his dirtbike.
"I've lived here my whole life and never been to this part of the island," Adilynne commented as she and JJ made their way across the sand. "This is where we surf," he told her, "Welcome to The Cut," he said plopping down at the edge of the beach nearest to the woods surrounding them. The woods provided a perfect cover of shade from the October sun. Sitting beside him Adilynne looked out at the ocean, "It's so quiet here." "Yeah Tourons and Kooks don't tend to come to our side of the Island unless there's a party at the Boneyard," JJ told her.
"So I'm not one for talking about shit but if you want to tell me what set you off I'm all ears," JJ said casually. Sighing, Adilynne leaned back against her hands, "It started this morning after I saw Dr. Walsh," she began. "That's the shrink?" he interrupted. "Yeah," she answered nodding, "Anyway we were talking about why. Because that's the hardest part not understanding why he would do what he did," she told him.
"And what did she tell you?" he asked quietly. Taking a few deep breaths Adilynne found the courage to repeat what she was told when she felt his hand cover hers, "She told me that people who commit suicide have usually thought about it beforehand and almost always leave a note. Except as far as I know he didn't leave one so after I got home I went to the pool house, where he did it, and I fucking ripped it apart looking for one, but I couldn't find one because there isn't one. He did what he did and I'll never know why," she told him as tears slipped down her cheeks.
"Hey come here," JJ told her quietly as he pulled her into a hug. "I just don't understand how he could've done this and left me to find him the way I did," she whispered against his neck. Feeling him stiffen Adilynne pulled away to look at JJ. "You found him?" he questioned with an edge in his voice. Swearing JJ pulled her back into his arms when she nodded, "I didn't know that," he told her, "I didn't know it was you. I'm so sorry you saw that," he whispered.
"At first I thought he was sleeping. But then I saw the blood and I remember screaming. I made it back outside still screaming and I remember my mom being there and then I couldn't breathe and then nothing. I woke up in the hospital. That was the first panic attack I had," she told him quietly. "Jesus, Addie, knowing what he did was hard enough but knowing he left you to see that," JJ said trailing off. "It makes you angry," she finished his thought, "I mean I'm not even sure of anything else except the anger sometimes," she admitted. "Well I don't care what anyone else tells you, but I think you have every right to be angry," he told her.
"Thank you. You're the first person I've admitted that too other than the doctor. I don't want my mom to be upset and Sarah's like my best friend, but I feel like she'd try and talk me out of how I'm feeling," she told him. "No one has any right to tell you how to feel, Addie. If you're angry, then be angry," JJ told her. "I know that in my head, but I feel like if people knew that's how I was feeling they'd tell me it was wrong. I mean I feel like what he did was so selfish, like you didn't think of anyone else but yourself and if other's knew that's what I thought they'd think I was the selfish one because obviously he was in pain and he hid that pain from all of us but all I can think about is how it's affected me now," she attempted to explain.
"I don't think you're selfish for thinking those things. When I first heard about what happened my first thought was of you and your mom. We never really crossed paths but any time he hauled me into the station all he'd do was talk about you. I feel like I've known you for years without ever actually meeting you," JJ told her chuckling, "but like I said he'd talk about you all the time and when I was told all I could think was how could someone who obviously loved their kid the way he did just leave them like that," he told her. "Your guess is as good as mine," Adilynne stated, shrugging her shoulders. "Parents are supposed to protect their kids not cause them pain," JJ whispered, keeping his gaze focused on the ocean. Sensing a shift in his demeanor Adilynne looked at him, "Are you okay?" she asked. Turning to look at her he gave her a crooked smile, "Of course," he answered.
Staring out to the ocean Adilynne stood abruptly, "Lets go swim," she suggested pulling her shirt over her head and then shimmying out of her capris to reveal her blue bikini she'd had the good sense of wearing under her clothes. "Okay, I'm just going to text John B and let him know we're already here and to bring the boards and towels," he told her, reaching into his bag. "I'll see you down there then," she told him before jogging down to the water's edge.
"Oh my god it's so cold when you get out. What's the ETA on John B and those towels?" Adilynne laughed as the two hurried back to where they'd left their clothes. Grabbing his phone JJ checked the time, "Like another hour," he told her, before pulling out a sweatshirt from his bag, "Here put this on," he told her, handing it to her. "What about you?" she questioned. "I'm fine," he assured her as she took the sweatshirt and slid it on over her wet bathing suit. "Come on let's sit in the sun," she said moving out of the shade of the woods. Grabbing his bag JJ opted to lay in the sun using his bag as a pillow, "Care to join me?" he flirted, smirking up at her as he patted his shoulder. Smiling Adilynne shook her head as she rolled her eyes, "You think you're so smooth don't you?" she questioned laying down next to him before curling herself around him.
The two lay in contented silence as JJ slowly stroked her wet hair while she drew lazy patterns on his rapidly drying skin. "I could fall asleep," she whispered feeling her eyes getting droopy. "No one's stopping you," JJ whispered as he turned his body towards her more and wrapped his other arm around her.
Sleeping on the beach under the late October sun is where John B, Pope, and Kie found the two when they arrived. "Are you serious?" Kie whined as they looked down at the two. "What's the matter, Kie?" Pope questioned. Scoffing she motioned to the two, "I like her and JJ's gonna fuck with her head and drop her like he does every other girl and then I won't be able to be friends with her," she complained.
"Have some faith in me, Kiara," JJ muttered, opening his eyes to glare at his three friends. "You telling me this time will be different? You're a player, JJ, and she's been through enough recently so you shouldn't fuck with her head," Kie snapped. "And who the fuck said I'm doing that? Maybe I actually like her," he snapped back as both Pope and John B snickered, "You two have something to fucking say too?" JJ hissed at the boys. Holding up their hands the two shook their heads. "Whatever," JJ muttered, rolling his eyes before looking down at the sleeping girl using his arm as a pillow, "Addie, wake up," he whispered as he used his free hand to shake her shoulder.
Blinking Adilynne realized JJ was shaking her awake. Raising her eyes to see him looking down at her she smiled, "Sorry, you ended up being pretty comfortable," she joked as she sat up. Noticing the other three standing in front of them with surfboards under their arms Adilynne smiled, "Hi, guys," she greeted as they each greeted her. Sensing tension between the four Adilynne looked to JJ, who had sat up next to her glaring at his friends.
"You guys look like you've already been in," John B commented in an attempt to diffuse the tension. Looking up at him Adilynne nodded, "Yeah, the water was warm but it was freezing when we got out," she told the boy. "Well we grabbed boards for you guys," he told them, motioning to the surfboards laying on the sand, "We'll see you two in there," John B said before the three ran into the water with their surfboards.
Glancing at the quiet blonde next to her Adilynne touched his arm, "Are you okay?" she asked. Blinking he looked over at her, "Yeah, uh, I don't feel like surfing. I was gonna head back to the Chateau. John B's dad usually does like a huge dinner on Saturdays. He told me this morning to invite you if you wanted to either stay and surf with them or come with me now," JJ told her. "I don't mind coming with you if you're okay with it," she told him. Standing to his feet JJ pulled her up, "Spending time with three assholes or spending time with a pretty girl," he contemplated, "You win Princess, let's go," he told her, grabbing his bag off the ground before taking her hand and pulling her up the beach.
Pulling up to the Chateau JJ stopped the bike by the side of the house allowing Adilynne to jump off. "What is that amazing smell?" Adilynne questioned as she followed JJ towards the back porch. Humming JJ smirked at her, "That's right you've got a thing about food. Just wait till you try what Big John's got cooking up in here," he told her as he held the door open for her. Entering the living room of the house JJ called out for John B's father, "Big John, you in here?" Rounding the corner from the kitchen a shaggy brown haired man with glasses came into sight, "You're back early," he commented, "Waves no good?" he questioned. "Nah, the others are still out there. Just didn't feel like surfing," JJ answered, "Hey Big John, this is Adilynne."
Smiling Adilynne held her hand out to shake the man's hand, "Hi, it's nice to meet you," she greeted. "You too darling," the older man said smiling, "I hope you've brought your appetite. Dinner will be ready in about an hour," he told her. Smiling Adilynne nodded, "What are we having because it smells amazing?" "Ahhh, that would be the ribs baking to perfection in the oven. I was just putting together the sides before heading out to get the grill going for the chicken," Big John told her.
Eyes lighting up Adilynne asked if he needed any help. "Wow, I like this one. I don't think any of you kids have ever offered to help cook," he laughed looking at JJ, before telling Adilynne she could certainly help. Seeing the excitement on her face JJ laughed, "I've lost her to the kitchen," he said dramatically, "I'm gonna get a shower while you're playing." "Hey, I did laundry. Put your shit away and don't leave it all over in there," Big John called to the boy retreating down the hallway. Confused Adilynne glanced down the hall where JJ had disappeared into the same bedroom they'd stayed in before. "Mr. Routledge I'm just going to give JJ his sweatshirt back. I'll meet you in the kitchen," she told him. "Okay, darlin, and please call me John or Big John. Mr. Routledge sounds like my father," the older man joked.
Knocking on the door frame Adilynne smiled as she saw JJ throwing clothes into the dresser drawers. Looking up he smiled, "Thought you were going to whip up a feast with Big John." Stepping into the room Adilynne dropped her bag on the bed, "I am but I still have your sweatshirt on. Figured I should change back so I don't get anything on it while I'm helping," she told him. Shrugging JJ eyed the girl, "I don't mind. You look kind of sexy in my clothes," he told her, smirking. Laughing Adilynne shook her head as she sat on the bed, "I swear you're the biggest flirt in Kildaire, but I admit you're good for the ego," she told him, still laughing. Shrugging JJ leaned back against the dresser, "At least I'm good for something," he mumbled.
Clearing her throat, Adilynne sensed a shift in him, "Can I ask you something?" Giving her a grin he crossed his arms, "You already have," he answered. "Funny," she responded, "I just wanted to ask what your situation was, like you seem to live here, and I realized I didn't really know?" she questioned. Chewing the inside of his cheek JJ stared at her before sighing, "This isn't the address the state has on file so no I don't technically live here, but up until a few months ago I stayed here about 95% of the time on the pull out in the living room. At least until Big John put a bed in his home office and told me to move my shit in here," JJ answered, quietly.
"And your dad?" she asked, "I mean I've heard things," she told him trailing off. Scoffing JJ clenched his fist clearly agitated, "Everything you've heard is probably true. He's a fucking asshole and I haven't seen him in almost three months. And before you ask mom split when I was 11; apparently being his punching bag got too much for her so she left me in her place," he told her angrily. Hearing that particular rumor was true Adilynne felt her heart drop as she stood from the bed and threw her arms around the angry boy, "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with that," she whispered as he slowly hugged her back.
Pulling away once she felt his tension ease she gave him a quick smile, "I'm glad you have such good friends. I better go help John and let you shower," she told him before heading for the door. Hearing her name she turned to find JJ directly behind her. Before she could say anything he'd grabbed her by the waist pulling her to him with one hand while the other went to the side of her face lifting it so he could kiss her. Their first kiss had her seeing stars; this one had rockets going off. Immediately she'd wrapped an arm around his neck as her other hand twisted in the fabric of his t-shirt as she pulled him as close to her as she could.
Moaning, when he broke away from her Adilynne opened her eyes to see him staring down at her as they both gasped for air. Blinking, JJ took a step back before running a hand through his hair nervously, "Listen I'm not sure what we're doing here. I'm sure you've heard things about me, and I'll be the first to admit I don't do relationships, but I do like hanging out with you, Addie," he told her as he thought about what his friends had said earlier. Furrowing her brow Adilynne gave him a small smile, "I like hanging out with you too, JJ. Can't it be as simple as that?" she questioned, "I mean we just do what we want because personally I like kissing you and I don't really want to stop that," she told him slowly approaching the boy, "Do you?" she asked boldly as she stopped directly in front of him.
"So like a friends with benefits?" the boy asked. Biting her lip Adilynne looked from his lips to his eyes, "If that works for you; it works for me," she told him shrugging. Thinking about the night she'd shown up drunk JJ smirked, "Are you using me as a distraction, Addie?" he questioned, quietly. Shrugging Adilynne wound her arms around his neck, "Not entirely. I really do like hanging out with you, JJ. You're easy to talk to and you like to have a good time. When I'm with you it's like I can breathe again. I know we haven't known each other long, but I like the way you make me feel," she told him. "Wrapping his arms around her waist JJ pulled her against him, "How do I make you feel?" "Alive," she whispered before reaching up to kiss him again.