QMFM: Between Christmas, my IRL birthday, New Year's, trying to handle my little American cousins and trying to find time for this, I got another two reviews. Demonic Mello said:

I love this but the Mello oc reminds me of my own.

Now this is interesting, because I'm not even sure which character you consider "my Mello oc". Out of the entire cast, the one most strongly resembling Mello is M, but she's only had one appearance so far (back in chapter 14) so I'm kind of stuck with this one.

Also, Alexis Vance asked a very interesting and comlicated question, but I think I'll leave that one for the first Q&A thing.

(Chris' POV)

You know, between finding out that L's squad has probably put my house under heavy surveillance, finding out that my friendship missile aimed at Canada was shot down over Hawaii, and trying to act normal with my friends after suddenly discovering both of the above halfway through watching a movie with all of them I'd say it's been a bit of a stressful day. But hey, at least I can stop painfully acting so cheerful once I'm home… at least, I hope I can.

'So, even though we're still in a recession, at least crime's down, so I'd say 2017's starting pretty well.' Connor comments, the group of us walking together as we all conveniently live within about half a kilometer of one another.

'More precisely, Kira's murder spree means the crime rate has actually gone up, but that's had the effect of suppressing other crime.'

'I wouldn't exactly call it a "murder spree", you know,' I subtly respond to the kid in the back of the crowd.

'Chris has a point. "Murder" implies that the reasoning behind it can't be clearly, logically justified.' And this is why I'm friends with Connor. He's usually on my side, whether he actually knows it or not.

Half a minute later our group reaches my house and I part from the rest. As they continue off into the distance, I softly knock on the door. Then I strongly knock on the door. I guess nobody's home. Makes sense, since they wouldn't be able to do shit if mum or Indy were around. Good thing I have the spare keys on me.

(Luci's POV)

'Christian Atarashimono… according to Q, who installed the cameras, he's checking if anyone goes into his room while he's gone. Other than that, his room held nothing suspicious. Then again, I know for a fact Q wasn't looking very hard. Now, let's move to his room. Switching to camera 4…'

As I finish my narration the boy enters his room, drops his bag on the floor next to his desk, puts on a brown coat, and as he leaves he re-places the strip of paper he had between the door and the frame. It's strange, his door-checking process is just the same as the one Light used to trick L in Death Note. Luckily, I specifically asked Q to look for any other mechanism resembling what Light had, and he didn't find any. Actually, no, there's nothing "lucky" about it. This is just another reason the investigation is going to drag on for far longer than anticipated, and I know my dad and his buddies at the top are getting impatient. But they know I'm the best detective they have in their inner circle, so they really don't have much of a choice. For now, at least. I don't really know what kind of backup plans they could be formulating.

In other news, why's Q taking so long to get back here to the hotel? I mean, the doughnut shop is just across the street!

'Mungalo, did you buy the new IPhone?'

'Umm, sure, it's right here.'

'Can I just quickly use it to text Q? Mine's charging.'

'Uh, sure.' As I grab the aforementioned object, Pearl makes her observations on the suspect we're watching.

'So he goes to such lengths to be sure no-one's been in his room. Might he be hiding something in there?'

'Well, considering he's 16, it isn't all that unusual. I've done it myself, in fact.'

'Oh, for a moment I hoped I was onto something.'

'… Okada, your phone lost service.'

'It does it if you hold it like that!'

'… I hate the new IPhone. If they had called it the LPhone it would never be this flawed. If I were Kira, I know who I would kill next.'

(Chris' POV)

'Well, Chris, I already found one camera in the gebüsch, overlooking the front of the house.'

Am I being followed as well? Even out here, I better keep my voice real low, just in case. Luckily, this jacket is designed to detect and short-circuit any electronics embedded into it, so I know it isn't bugged. You know, it's convenient that I set up this security measure just a few days before this happened. It's a rather simple system, actually. Two small sensors, one on the top edge of my door and one on the frame above it, detect if the door's been opened. If so, an alert is sent to my phone (which has been on me all day, so I know nothing's happened to it), and I use the "Find my IPhone" app to check if it was Mum or Indy by seeing if either of them are at home. They always carry their phones with them, so it's a pretty bulletproof method. And it negates the need for any mechanisms like what Light set up, which is probably what L would expect me to set up and hence what he'd be looking for.

'Well, on the bright side, at least they didn't find the Death Note.'

'Yeah, that is a relief. Remember, once we get back home you'll need to start finding and locating all the cameras and microphones in our house. I, on the other hand, have to play the part of a serious student getting ready for eleventh grade. Cameras these days can be made wireless, and extremely small. The same goes for microphones. The latter can be found with a detector, which I can easily get from the mafia. But I can't use it if there are cameras all over the house. If they stay there for too long, I can just "find" one and start removing them. So for that, too, I need to know where they are. And you can even directly tell me where all the cameras are, since nobody else can hear you.'

'Okay, a camera hunt, that sounds fun!'

'But there's one more problem, you see. In Death Note, Light managed to use a few porn magazines to make his door-checking look normal, and while I didn't include any obvious system in my setup, L's probably done his research and knows about my overall vibe of secrecy. And I know for a fact he won't be fooled so easily. No, I'll need to go a lot further than Light did.'

Before Rugo can say anything I whip out my phone, find the message contact labelled "Satan", and begin typing.

'Wait, seriously? You're really going that far? I mean…'

'Don't worry, this is in case the cameras are in for more than a few days. If they're out before then, I'll just tell her I changed my mind.'

'Morality aside, won't that cause even more problems?'

'Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine.'

(Ivan's POV)

Someone should make an au where I get my shit together. I mean, here I am, the chief of staff of the president of the Russian Federation, and I can't even show up on time to what could be the most important meeting in my entire career! And it seems like everyone's already in his office, as no-ones waiting outside. As the president's guards open the door I step in and, sure enough, everyone from the previous meeting is already seated, and they all immediately lock their eyes onto mine. As I take my seat, I notice the immediately-recognizable Kiran briefcase on the president's desk in front of him.

'You're late.'

'… I'm sorry, Vladimir Putin, it's just that I was-'

'I don't care, just so long as you're here now.' He coldly responds as he turns back to the others, before making an initial mini-speech.

'Now, before we see what's in here I want to remind everyone what's at stake here. Now I don't have the slightest clue who or what Kira really is, but what we all do know is that it can kill anyone in the world who's name and face are known to it. At least, that's what our own Kira investigation concluded. This deduction is also supported by what we knew from our spies in the other Kira investigation, before we had to recall them at the start of December. And while the mainstream media around the world is focusing on the thousands of criminals he's killed, we must remember that he's already toppled three oppressive regimes around the world, with mixed results. We must also remember everything that he's talked about in his various broadcasts, specifically all the things that our enemies, and to a smaller extent ourselves, don't want to be brought into the public eye. And when we take all of it into account, we can be sure of one thing: Kira is not on our side, nor is he on that of our enemies. He wants to achieve his goal, whatever that is, without becoming anyone's puppet. Of course, at this point, it's hard to know what that goal is. Granted, we know exactly what he wants the world to think his goal is, but, you see, humans lie without a second thought. Including me, of course. Now before I open the briefcase and we see for ourselves what Kira has to say, I want to hear all your thoughts.'

The Interior minister speaks up first. 'Following Kira's broadcasts, a large portion of the Russian people are viewing him not just as a killer or a vigilante figure, but as a whistleblower figure on the same level as Edward Snowden. I mean, sure, he hasn't said anything that the public can't find out on their own with some quick research, but this is the first time the facts have been bluntly stated to such a large audience. And already we've seen millions take to the streets of multiple nations, demanding an end to-'

'What are you saying, Kolokoltsev?!' The Foreign minister interrupts, 'That we should just give in to him just because he's said some stuff? In case you've forgotten, this is the person who killed Bashar Al-Assad and his entire line of succession! And what's to say he won't do the same to us?!'

The Finance minister agrees. 'I'm with Lavrov on this one. Kira may have millions of supporters around the world, but in no country has he even so much as gotten the approval of more than a fifth of the population! If we were to even officially accept his existence, western sanctions and dirt-cheap oil will become the least of our problems! And what if his demands are unachievable? How could we possibly-'

Before he can finish, defense minister Shoygu ragefully stands up and slams his fists on the table exclaiming:

'WELL I MUST BE PARTICULARLY FUCKING HORNY TODAY, BECAUSE ALL I SEE ARE A BUNCH OF PUSSIES AND DICKS! DO ANY OF YOU HEAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA WHAT KIND OF OPPORTUNITY THIS IS, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW BADLY WE CAN'T AFFORD TO MISS IT?!'

'BUT THE RISKS-'

'OUR ENTIRE HISTORY IS BUILT ON TAKING RISKS! WE DIDN'T BECOME ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL NATIONS IN HISTORY BY STICKING ONLY TO WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW WE COULD SUCCEED IN! AND IF YOU WANT TO WORRY ABOUT RISKS, WHAT ABOUT THE RISK OF WHAT KIRA MIGHT DO IF WE REJECT HIS OFFER!?'

'WE'VE ALREADY LOST SYRIA, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK-'

'ONE TINY MIDDLE EASTERN NATION HAS NOTHING ON A BEING WHO CAN KILL ANYONE IN THE WORLD WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER! IT'S LIKE COMPARING SUPERMAN TO NORTH KOREA, YOU JUST CAN'T EXPECT TO-'

'EVERYONE SHUT UP!'

We all do as Vladimir Putin says, and Shoygu sits back down.

'… Well, from what I heard I think there is only one way we can come to a reasonable conclusion here. Rather than make our voices audible from Chechnya with arguments based on nothing but speculation, how about we actually read Kira's offer and start screaming at each other about it afterwards?' Before anyone can protest he opens the briefcase, and turns it around to show the rest of us what's inside: A laptop welded into the inside, it's screen showing a white stylized "K" on a black background. After a few seconds, the familiar voice of Kira comes through the laptop's speakers, in a broken yet understandable Russian.

'Hello high-ranking people of the government of the Russian Federation, I am Kira. To prove to you that I am Kira, I have attached to this video a file containing the times of death of various enemies of the Russian state. You are probably wondering why I have left you all untouched despite the unjustifiable atrocities that you have committed during this second cold war. Long story short, I seek allies, and out of the three most powerful nations on Earth, the United States of America, the Russian Federation and the Chinese People's Republic, I have determined Russia's government to be the least evil.

If you agree to this deal, please announce your official acceptance of my rule once a majority of Russians support me. Prior to that, make your announcement as specified in one of the documents I am about to show you. If you do this, I will see it as your acceptance of my offer, and if you stick to what you are required to do, you will be rewarded greatly. If I receive no such statement, I will see it as a refusal of my offer, and I will leave you alone for the foreseeable future. But, if I see you accept this agreement only to find that you are not following all my requirements, or if I find that you're claiming to be following them but are lying and in secret you're continuing to disobey me, then I will kill all of you. It's your choice.

I should also mention that, while my alliance offer to Russia is certainly one of the most vital, I have also sent similar messages to twenty-three other nations, including Palestine, Belarus, Cuba, Croatia, Germany, Greece, India, Japan, Mexico, South Korea, Sweden, Vietnam and Canada…'

Heh, Canada. They're like the sweet apartment above a meth lab.

'I hate evil & love justice. I do not consider the police as my enemies but as my allies against evil, and the same goes for the ruling regimes of any country that chooses to cooperate with me, so long as they operate under certain guidelines. Now, I'm going to be brutally honest here, the terms I'm laying out for this agreement are going to be very strict and I won't be very forgiving nor willing to negotiate on them. However, you should know that the deal goes two ways, and it'll be extremely difficult for me to do my part as well. But I won't let you down, unless you betray me that is. Anyway, without further ado, here are the terms of my agreement.'

The video cuts off, and the screen switches to a blank desktop with multiple links to PDF documents with headings like "foreign policy", "democracy", "corruption", "censorship", "mass surveillance", "government transparency", "nuclear weapons", "bribery", "leadership shuffle", "elitists", "media control" and so on.

'Well, this is a very unconventional method. Try… try opening one of the documents. I mean, what could go wrong?' I suggest.

'Alright, let's do that. First, how about we start with something simple. What does the one on nuclear weapons say?'

-Click-

'Hmm… "I bet you probably expect me to order you to significantly reduce or even abolish your nuclear arsenal, and in an ideal world that'd be what I'd do. However, with the growing threat of NATO, Israel and their nuclear-armed allies, that isn't really an option…" Wait, before I go on, what even is the status of our nuclear forces?'

Huh, I thought he'd always keep himself updated on that, since it's the most valuable military asset of the country he's the president of. Nonetheless, Shoygu quickly answers.

'Well, the good news is that the strategic picture is still satisfactory and our enemies in the west are fully aware of that. As of the last time I checked, we have a total fleet of twelve nuclear submarines, although one has been refitted as a test bed for the Bulava missile system. Still, in total we have 176 SLBM missiles carrying a total of 768 warheads. We also have our strategic rocket forces with 307 land-based ICBMs, carrying a total of 1040 warheads. Finally we have the aviation side of our nuclear triad, which has a total of 798 nuclear bombs and cruise missiles.

All in all, we have a total of 2606 usable nuclear devices in our strategic offensive arsenal, as opposed to well over 3000 by NATO and Israel alone. Our nukes are also weaker, with a maximum yield of 800 kilotons as opposed to their 1200. Kira's right, any significant reduction under our current circumstances would be national suicide.'

'Huh, well so far I'm liking the sound of what Kira's saying… okay, it seems his only request in this matter is that we simply change our default targeting in order to minimize civilian fatalities while maximizing overall effectiveness. Makes sense, I suppose. It'll be hard to sort out, but far from undoable.'

'What are his terms regarding foreign policy?'

'He says… shit. He has a whole list of countries we can't support anymore unless we change their ways similarly to how he wants us to change our own. And I bet he'll also be demanding that we pull out of U-'

'…'

'…'

'… Vladimir Putin?'

'Forget what I just said, look right here!' With a sudden wave of enthusiasm he pushes the opened briefcase forward so we can all see the document for ourselves.

As for the territorial situation of the Russian Federation, my terms are simple. Russia will have my full permission to expand its borders, but only into areas I determine to be "Russian" enough to logically justify such a move. Right now those areas are as follows:

Sevastopol, Ukraine

Crimea, Ukraine

Luhansk, Ukraine

Donetsk, Ukraine

Ida-Viru, Estonia

The entirety of Belarus (since Russian and Belarussian are probably similar enough to negate the need for a political separation of the two)

Again, I'll make it clear that any attempted expansion beyond the above will not be tolerated.

For a few moments we silently stare at the words on the screen, reading and re-reading them to be sure it's saying what we think it is. I decide to share my opinion.

'Well, I am certainly liking the sound of this. Besides, from Kira's point of view it should only make sense that Russia has all the primarily Russian parts of the world, just as Poland has the Polish regions and Sweden has all the Swedish. However, I doubt he'll allow us to go any further than that, which means some of our long-term plans will need to be modified.'

As Putin scrolls down, the next section quickly catches the Foreign minister's eye.

'Oh, that's a big one. He wants us to renounce our recognition of Israel as a sovereign nation and state that we won't recognize them again until they end their occupation of Palestine and return to their 1967 borders.'

'Well,' I reply, 'he did just begin one of the largest boycotts against the nation in its history, so it doesn't surprise me that he'd make a request like that. After all, the Zionist argument to justify Israel's present occupation of Palestine has no intelligent or legal basis in modern history, and it would be of great loss to see Israeli Zionists continue to do to Palestinian Arabs what the Nazis did to the Jews.'

'Wait… only countries that have the recognition of all five UNSC permanent members get to be in the UN, right?' Putin inquires.

'Yes, so… oh my god. If we go along with this, we could actually kick them out! Well, they'd still be there, they'd just be demoted to observer status, ironically the same position Palestine is in right now too. Still, I'd say this more than outweighs the loss we've had in Syria!'

'Wait, couldn't we have done this ages ago?' The interior minister asks.

'Well, we've never had a sufficient excuse to do so until now! And even if we did, it would be extremely risky. But look here.'

Putin pushes the briefcase forwards even further, and we all lean in to read the document shown on the screen.

If the Russian Federation accepts all of these demands, I will personally ensure its protection in an (ironically) NATO-like system where any attack on Russia will be considered an attack on myself, and vice versa. Like I mentioned before, I have sent offers similar to this one to multiple other nations, and it's probable that I'll try to unify all of them who accept into a similar alliance based on mutual defense. But for now, you should act as if you're the only ones who have accepted. If you do, that is.

Putin finishes reading that out before turning back to the rest of us. 'So this would give us the personal protection of a supernatural being, who can kill anyone with the push of a button. The downside is that, by quickly skimming the pages of the rest of the documents, I'm getting the overall idea that we basically have to become the perfect role-model country, and that means giving up a lot of the luxuries we, along with the rest of the powerful Russian elites, have taken for granted.'

Without thinking I reply, 'Well, I don't need to read the rest of the agreement terms to make my decision. I'm in.'

Defense minister Shoygu makes his verdict. 'For decades, the western powers have been pushing us into a corner without mercy. And every time we try to push back, the world points at us and calls us evil. This could be our last chance to change that, to make things right. Count me in too.'

'Well unlike you all I don't even need vodka to make bad decisions! I'm with you guys!' The interior minister agrees.

'As Winston Churchill once said: You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something sometime in your life. So let's do this.' The finance minister adds.

'Yeah, let's show them the difference between strategy and tactics!' The foreign minister states.

Without even the slightest change in his neutral expression, the chief of the Russian general staff asserts, 'I agree with all of you.'

'Me too,' Says the president's deputy, 'well, that just leaves you, Vladimir Putin. It's your call.'

'…'

'We'll respect your decision either way.' I clarify.

'…'

'…'

'… Everyone always hates us. They say we're cruel and evil and insane. We all try to ignore it, but it becomes harder and harder to just look away. Blame all the wars we've been through, all the people who have had to spill blood on our hands. I regret every death I've ever been involved in. Every single one. I never go a day without thinking about it. I just wish people could understand. And all my life, I have seen my people always fighting on the losing side. But I'm a stubborn bastard, and just once… I want to know what victory feels like.'