CHAPTER THREE

"Would you please go out with me?!"

Mitsuha raised her head sharply in utter confusion. Her lips parted as a small warm gasp escaped her. An agonizingly painful throb ripped through her head, almost tearing it in an instant. Wincing at the suddenness of the pain, she returned her focus to the boy bowed down in front of her just a few feet away. Raising her hand and extending a finger towards herself, she smiled awkwardly at the boy and spoke.

"Eh..?"

The boy in front of her shot upright and stared at her determinedly. Continuing to stare, he expectantly waited for a proper response from her. Mitsuha's gauche expression vanished from her face as the understanding of her current situation slowly fell onto her shoulders.

She was confused. She had no idea how to reply to his proposal. Should she accept it? Should she deny it? What should she do?

The girl palmed her head as it started to pulsate and throb painfully as question and inquiry raced through her mind like bullets whizzing through the air. She dug her teeth into her tongue and ground the ball of her right shoe into the dirt. She opened her mouth, but nothing escaped.

"Uhm..." she mumbled slowly. She glanced at the boy. Her mind went blank upon seeing his tensed face gleaming with a thin layer of sweat.

"Can I give you the answer tomorrow?" she asked softly...

She had gone home that day with a depressed slag to her stride. Her mind had been spinning and twirling. Why was such a simple matter so hard for her to come to a decision to? It was only a simple matter of "Yes" or "No", right?

She slowly shook her head in disagreement.

No. It wasn't just that. The answer may have been simple, but the repercussions of her answer would change her life. Wasn't it something called the Butterfly Effect? The decision she took right now could change her life ten years down the line. Her insides started to fill with fear as the possibilities started to flow through her mind.

The image of a baby in her arms as she lay in the clean hospital bed and a man standing over her. He bore a blue mask covering his face, but his eyes gleamed with joy and happiness as a tear shed from the corner. She almost couldn't recognize the man though. She cursed the mask and brought and arm to pull it off. Before she could do so, the image disintegrated in her mind as she was thrown back into reality.

She shook her head vigorously and quickened her pace along the road, the soft thud of her footsteps steering her thoughts into rhythm. She gazed in front of her and kept her focus to her front.

She wanted her life to change.

She wanted to move forward.

To move forward from these feelings she had been bearing as of recently.

She didn't exactly know when this feeling of longing had taken over her being. Perhaps, just maybe, it had been from that fateful night. That fateful night the stars came falling down from the heavens.

Or, in other words, when a big massive rock came falling from the sky and sent the name Itomori into the history books.

Back then, the town's people had been saved. Saved by her actions apparently, though she had no recollection of doing anything. Sayaka and Tessie had narrated the events of that to her on numerous occasions. But, for some reason, she couldn't recall her doing the things despite them shoving it down her throat on numerous occasions.

However, just because they had been saved from death doesn't mean they were saved from the suffering. With no home or shelter, the townspeople all suffered for a year or two retrieving documents, money, transferring to new homes. Everybody of Itomori had been troubled immensely, if their bodies hadn't been destroyed, their lives certainly had been shattered. The peaceful lives they had once known, annihilated.

Sighing she glanced at her right palm and saw a long and thin pink mark running from the base of her thumb to her ring finger. A crease formed between her eyes as a frown formed on her face.

She kept on walking slowly along the road gazing directly at the ground. She looked up at a tree and saw a small cream feathered dove perched on a low lying leafy branch. Its eyes were closed as it slept soundly enjoying the shade from the afternoon sun provided by the green leaves of the tree. A small twang of jealously rippled through her heart. The nape of her neck started to heat up a slightly, her eyelid twitched.

She frowned.

Her stride quickened and she kicked a stone out of her way in annoyance.

Things need to change...

The boy stood in front of her hesitantly, expectantly awaiting her defining reply. Mitsuha folded her arms in front of her and adjusted the rolled sleeves of her uniform. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of air, inhaling and exhaling the warm autumn air maintaining her calm.

"I'll go out with you." she replied slowly, her voice lacking enthusiasm. Her heart ached momentarily, she clenched the fabric covering her chest in her hand. She quickly buried the hideous feeling in a corner of her heart.

The boy's face lit up, he reeled over in joy and then pumped the air with his fist. He took a few steps towards Mitsuha and stood in front of her happily. Shifting his weight slightly onto a single leg, he palmed his forehead awkwardly.

"To be honest, I was scared that you gonna reject me." he spoke. An embarrassed smile escaped his face and he chuckled awkwardly. A crack of a smile broke out on Mitsuha's face as she looked up directly at the boy's face.

"Why?" she asked softly, her eyes narrowing for a split second.

"Well... You were giving me this cold and emotionless stare for quite a while there, made me fearful for a little bit!" He enthusiastically replied, he sighed in relief and gazed down at Mitsuha with a subtle smile. He continued speaking, "I didn't know the silence could be so terrifying. Sure you're quiet and not very interactive in class, but I suppose that silent and quiet vibe that you have is what made got me interested in you." He spoke warmly.

Mitsuha's eyes widened in interest.

"You have this mysterious aura about you..." He spoke softly, glancing at Mitsuha momentarily with his brown eyes he took his gaze off sharply when their eyes met. "It got me wanting to know more about you, so..." he paused for a moment scratching his jaw with his index finger.

"I'm really happy you said 'Yes' to me!" he grinned in happiness.

Mitsuha couldn't help but return a small genuine smile back at him. She twirled a lock of her hair between her fingers and played with it momentarily.

His energy was intoxicating, he was full of various colors that she wished that only a little full spill into her life, for she felt even a little color would be more than enough.

A sad frown broke her smile momentarily as she realized right then that her life was nothing but a mere scale of grays ever since that night. Burying the sorrowful realization, she smiled softly once more at him. He didn't seem to have noticed the lifelessness that had momentarily exposed itself.

He continued on talking and chuckling, but she didn't register a single word of what he was saying in her head.

She was grateful he didn't notice.

"Mitsuha..." spoke a soft voice.

She looked up with a slight amount of hesitation at the boy. He smiled at her warmly and outstretched his open palm to her, for her taking.

She gazed at it momentarily before placing her hand in his. He grasped it softly and pulled her along with him forward. Tugging her along, he started to blabber about trivially pointless things which held little to no value. She was merely just tagging along on this date. But then, she had no right to complain. She had signed up for this after all, that too, she knowingly had done so.

She gazed at their clasped hands. His hand was warm and soft. It breathed some life into her own cold palm. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she felt a surge of guilt burst into her heart. Impulsively, she tightened her grip on his hand.

She closed her eyes as guilt started to consume her, it had all just started becoming too much for her as of recently.

Her hand was squeezed.

She gasped softly and opened her eyes. She looked up steadily. The boy was looking at her with a cheerful grin.

"What's the matter?" He asked. Her heart started to writhe and twist violently. She brutally fought back an escaping tear forcing it to remain in nonexistence. Composing herself as fast as manageable, she pressed her eyelids shut and mustered a weak grin back at him.

"It's nothing." she spoke strongly.

He was too good for her, too kind to her. She didn't deserve someone like him to be concerned for her. She wasn't a person who could value his love for what it really was worth. He was too generous, he was too perfect for her own self. Because she was broken. She didn't want somebody like him to notice just how many shattered pieces she had become, she didn't want somebody like him to have to suffer because of a person like her.

She couldn't value him. No matter how she had tried to look at it. No matter what perspective or process of thought she put herself through. She just couldn't feel his value in her life. She wanted to. She desperately wanted to do so, but she had ultimately failed.

Had Mitsuha not kept her eyes closed while emotions consumed her internally, she would've noticed the all knowing deeply rooted frown the boy wore on his face. He pulled her along by her soft and softly trembling hand...

"Mitsuha..." the voice spoke to her softly.

She didn't want to look up, she couldn't possibly look up.

"Mitsuha," The voice repeated, more firmly this time around.

She still refused to look up.

She heard a sigh as the source of the voice sat down close next to her on the bench of the park.

Her black hair had grown longer and rougher as of recently and now came down past her shoulder. However she couldn't care for that at the moment even as her hair dangled in front of her. She gazed down intently at her shoes pressed weakly together.

"Mitsuha, you don't speak to me. I can't know what's the matter unless you tell me what is the matter.." spoke the voice softly.

He wouldn't get it. He was a nice person, he was too nice of a person. He always tried to be there for everybody he loves, even if he doesn't get them, he tried to be there for him. It made her feel somewhat lucky that she had such a person who cared for her, it gave her a slimmer of happiness that broke the veil of the endless darkness for a brief moment.

She should tell him everything, she owed it to him. He loved her. He had proven so with his actions, but then... Why couldn't she feel it? Why couldn't she feel that tug that love was supposed to use to bind her to this world? Why couldn't she feel a single thing except bleak emptiness?

She should still tell him what she felt, she should tell him because she owed it to him and he deserved to know. He deserved to know why he couldn't enjoy a proper relationship with her. He deserved to know the absolute truth.

But she couldn't say anything...

Why?

She thought deeply for a moment as clarity blessed her mind for a brief moment despite all the torment and sadness. Then, she realized it.

She could not tell him.

Because he simply would not understand.

Her and her suffering, he wouldn't understand any of it.

Not a single bit of it.

Because he hadn't been through any of it.

"I can't be with you anymore." she said firmly.

She continued to stare at the paling green grass on the ground. She watched the glass flow lazily with the soft spring breeze playing around the outline of her shoes. She stood there patiently awaiting a response just like he had awaited so many months before, except she was not nervous like he had been that afternoon.

She was convinced this was the right choice, that she had to move on from all of this. That once again, she'd have to make a decision and look forward. Because from what she had realized, nothing had changed.

She heard a shuffle in the dirt and a soft exhausted sigh from him.

"I see..." came a soft reply.

Her eyes widened, she steadily raised her gaze at the boy in front of her. He looked at her tiredly. For the first time in the entire period she had known him, she gazed at him properly.

Dark circles had formed around his eyes. He had visibly become thinner and his light skin had lost its previous bright glow. She frowned slightly as a realization cast light into her darkness, a substantial amount of guilt filled her being. She bit her bottom lip and hugged herself loosely with her arms.

She had done this to him.

He dragged his gaze off of her and solemnly glanced at the ground momentarily. He revolved around with a slight rustle of the grass and faced his back towards her.

"You know Mitsuha..." he started to speak.

She pursed her lips and took a deep breath.

"I really do wonder..." he spoke reverently. He stared at her over his left shoulder, "It was painful, you know? At first I used to think that you were just using me for some reason, but then I realized that the only thing you were taking from me was my time. Then I thought that perhaps I wasn't good enough for you and you were only going out with me because you were such a nice person..." He spoke softly in a miserable tone, "But then, one day I saw you in the middle of the night sitting at the park all by yourself.." he explained seriously with an underlying tone of empathy.

"And you were crying."

Mitsuha's breath hitched momentarily as a sharp pain ripped through her core, she had not felt this sort of pain in a long while for all she had been feeling as of lately was nothing but pure emptiness.

"Back then, I didn't understand why you were crying..." he began, "Even now I don't."

Mitsuha carefully looked up and met his worn out gaze. His eyes were dark and had lost their shine from back then, when she first had met him all those months ago. His eyes were sad and pained, they no longer bore the cheer that she at that time believed would bring energy back to her own dull orbs. Those eyes were no longer the ones she believed would bring the much desired color into her story.

That's right. All she had done... Was drain the color out of his own.

"Mitsuha, you're coming to the meet up right?" asked a high pitched cheerful female voice.

"The meet up? Yeah, I'll come, but I'll be a bit late." she informed her friends.

"That's fine, we'll all see you there then!" another one of her friends exclaimed.

"I kind of don't want her to come though, all the guys will..." mumbled a girl in spiteful annoyance, her chin length brown hair bouncing softly as she shook her head in irritation. The girls giggled and laughed together, Mitsuha smiled awkwardly and chuckled along with them.

She watched her friends disappear out of site from the college classroom while she stayed behind for a brief moment. As soon as her friends disappeared from her sight, the smile on her face vanished instantaneously to be replaced by a stone cold gaze.

She laid back in her chair, resting her head on the wooden top rail, she gazed up at the ceiling. Pursing her lips she stretched her back providing much needed stress relief. Standing up, she picked up her bag and strung the strap over her right shoulder.

She opened the door with a soft creak of the hinges and shut it behind her with a faint click. She pressed her back to the door for a brief minute before she made way. The sound of the heels of her shoes clacking on the cream colored ceramic tiles of the hallway.

The rays of the afternoon sun struck her face through the windows as she kept on walking, her mind lost in emptiness.

She brought her gaze off the floor and let it roam out the window.

Her eyes widened momentarily as she took in the beauty of the setting sun. She had grown to appreciate the horizon more and not take it for granted over the years. She could still remember the openness and spaciousness of her hometown which she had hypocritically come to long for. Of course, because she had been stupid, she hadn't realized what she had had back then. Her life in Itomori was probably the dream of many people living in the bustling and cruel city. A nice, quiet and calm life with nothing too eventful where people cared for one another. Just peace.

She had started to miss that peace as of recent times. Tokyo life had been thrilling and exhilarating the first couple of years, but as time had passed so had it's glory. The business of city life had never been something she had been accustomed to throughout her childhood. She vaguely remembered coming to Tokyo once when she was seventeen? She didn't remember why she had done so, perhaps she had been so desperate to get a look at the bustling city for herself that she actually decided to go out there by herself.

A crack of a smile broke on her face as she pitied her past self. She had been better off with the calm and quiet back then despite all her annoying complaining.

Stopping for a moment, she took a seat on the window sill and stared off into the evening sky...

"You don't look so good Mitsuha."

"Eh?" she looked up at Sayaka who was staring at directly at her. She had her chin resting on the palm of her right hand. She wore a cream colored sweater, dark green leggings which resonated with the comfort Mitsuha felt in her presence. She felt a tinge of jealously for how well she wore the color, for she had tried to wear it many times. She had failed miserably in doing so. It just had never suited her.

"Yeah, I don't feel so good, but I can deal with it."

Sayaka nodded her head in acknowledgment and signed slowly. She laid back in the wooden chair of the cafe. Her short chin length hair dangled back over the top rail of the chair. She sat upright again and gazed at Mitsuha briefly with warm tender eyes.

"Maybe you should visit a psychologist regarding this Mitsuha."

Mitsuha perked her head up and looked at Sayaka hesitantly. She smiled awkwardly and chuckled nervously. However, Sayaka didn't laugh, her previous warm gaze had morphed into a seriously concerned stare. Upon realizing so, Mitsuha's facade cracked and a bitter frown peeked through her exterior.

"No." she replied firmly.

"Why not?" questioned Sayaka.

"It's all the same, they never provide a solution to the problem Saya-chi." Mitsuha answered.

"That's true, they'll most probably give you a prescription for an anti-depressant." Sayaka sighed. She twirled her straw in her drink spinning the liquid inside, the sound of ice cubes chinking with the glass. "But isn't that your best option right now? At least you'll avoid the pain you know?"

She was right. If she did get seen by a psychologist, she'd most definitely be given a prescription for an anti-depressant. She'd have to take it on a regular basis for most likely the rest of her life or at least for major portion of her upcoming years. She would be able to avoid a whole lot of pain by taking those pills. But...

"I'd rather solve the problem than ignore the problem Sayaka." she replied darkly.

Sayaka's eyes widened sharply as she continued staring into her drink. Steadily lifting her gaze, she made firm eye contact with Mitsuha. Her face paled a tinge as she exhaled noisily. She shook her head at Mistuha slowly, almost too slowly to be noticeable.

"If I go through this pain, I'll always be set on solving this problem. It's what I've been trying to do for the last so many years. I don't want to take some pill everyday that's going to make my body secrete a hormone that makes me feel happy. I will not let something as superficial as a pill be the root of my happiness. If I have to take a pill everyday to be happy, I'd rather not do so." stated Mitsuha.

Sayaka flinched as she listened to Mitsuha's words. She straightened her posture and analyzed the girl sitting right in front of her with extreme intent.

"Mitsuha..." she began. Mitsuha looked up at Sayaka and eyed her directly. She thought back to their days in Itomori, to how they had met all the way back in their childhood. It was a fact that they had been friends for a long time, and they'll continue to be friends for a long time. Mitsuha was sure of that.

Mitsuha gazed down at her empty cup that had been full to brim with simple steaming aromatic black coffee just a few moments ago. She then gazed at Sayaka's half full cup with her own foamy and creamy cappuccino.

However, Mitsuha was also sure of one other thing.

"You've changed." Sayaka finished.

She was sure that the nature of their friendship would change...

"Oi."

"Heh?" Mitsuha turned around in surprise as she looked behind her. A man stood a few meters behind her. His appearance struck her as particular. He was clad in full black: black long hair, black trimmed beard, black formal shirt, black trousers, black long trench coat.

"Eh..." Mitsuha brought her hand to her chest. She stepped back a couple of steps as fear started to grip her tightly and shake her from her core.

He lifted his hand sharply and dangling from his finger was a set of keys. Mitsuha eyeballed him in confusion as her focus shifted from the keys to his face back and forth. She shoved her hand into her right pocket of her pockets and groped around.

Her slim index finger poked through a large hole in the bottom.

Her eyes widened as she brought her hands up together and covered her mouth.

The man started walking towards her swiftly and stopped in front of her. He outstretched his palm and exposed the ring of metal keys clanging against each other. She slowly took them from him and clutched them for a moment bringing her hand to her chest in relief.

"Wearing torn clothes are never a good sign."

"Eh?" Mitsuha looked up at the man in front of her. Now that he was in front of her, she realized he was not too much taller than her, perhaps only a couple of inches. His skin was void of dirt and glowed healthily in the evening rays of the setting sun.

"Why do you say so?" she asked curiously.

"The clothes you wear are an external representation of who you are. If your clothes are torn..." he begun.

"Then so are you." he spoke coldly.

Walking past her, he approached his door which was directly next to hers on the right. He pulled out his set of keys from his coat's pocket and grasped it in his hand lightly. Unlocking the door with a click, he opened it and stepped inside swiftly before disappearing behind the wooden frame. He shut the door closed with a soft thud leaving nothing but his dust.

She gazed at the door as she thought back to what he had said just a mere moment before.

"Then so are you..."

The words echoed in her mind like a voice ricocheting off the steep rock walls of a canyon trench. She stuffed her hand in her pocket and felt the hole once more. How could she have not noticed it before hand? Had he not been there, who knows what would've happened? Forget him being there, the fact that the keys had dropped just right in front of her apartment was lucky enough for her to consider herself blessed. Her keys could've dropped anywhere and at any time...

She shook her head vigorously. Turning around swiftly, she approached her door and inserted the key into the lock. She opened the door slipped inside. Shutting it behind her, she locked it with a click.

She stood there at the entrance of the door for a brief moment.

Opening the door again, she stepped outside for a moment. She took a few paces to her left and stood in front of a door and pressed the door bell.

She heard the ring of the bell echo through the world beyond the other side of the door that shoot in front of her. She waited a brief moment as her heart started to pound in her chest for some reason. It was a foreign feeling for her, to be this nervous about something, especially during recent years.

The door clicked. She held her breath and her stature shrunk a little as the door opened revealing the man she had seen just minutes before.

It seems like she had not even given him time to freshen up or get changed into more comfortable clothing. She felt slightly inconsiderate for doing so, but, she had a feeling...

"I'm sorry for disturbing you..." she started softly. The man stared at her for a second before nodding his head in acknowledgment. Mitsuha gazed down at the floor and sighed before speaking her next words.

"Can I know your name?"

Author's Note:

First off, I'm going to start off by saying that I've got a very good idea where I want to take the story. Because of that, the story is starting to write itself. Since I've got the general plot line in my head and I figured I'd let the story write itself because that's what life is like right? You constantly write your own story in life and that's what I figured is working out for me here regarding this story.

I'm gonna thank you guys for the comments, favorites, follows and kudos because it's much needed motivation that I receive to take this story all the way. I'm happy if you guys are enjoying reading this story because it'd be a shame if you guys weren't.

Anyways finally, regarding updates. As I stated previously, you can still expect updates every couple of weeks. If you're guys are lucky, you're gonna get updates as frequent as this so do stay updated.

Well, that's all I have to say so I'm signing off here. Have a good one.

10/29/2020

Amrik Biswas