Author's Note: hope everyone is doing alright. This chapter went places I never expected. But then again I wasn't entirely sure how it pan out with the Kellie and Sonny dynamic. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the chapter, but I'm going with it.
Baby Girl Corinthos-Morgan will start making her arrival known in the next chapter.
Sonny found Kellie attaching a butterfly mobile to the crib.
Sonny noted Jake's picture and the butterfly themed bedding.
"Butterflies," Sonny said, "I can't think of a better theme for this little princess's room. Where did you get the idea."
"It was Jake's idea actually," Kellie said, "He wanted to paint something for the nursery and he chose butterflies."
"She'll love it," Sonny said as Kellie moved and began opening a box for a changing table.
Sonny moved towards and tried to intervene, "Here let me help with that. That looks…"
"Seriously," Kellie said, "It's opening a box for a changing table."
"But you shouldn't be over doing it," Sonny said.
"Why are you really up here in the nursery?" Kellie said.
"I wanted to see my daughter," Sonny said, "Make sure you're okay with everything that's going on, especially since you've had a few scares with your pregnancy."
"Obviously, I'm fine," Kellie said, "especially now that Garrett's permanently out of the way however it came about."
"I just wanted to be sure," Sonny said, "See you for myself."
"You've seen me," Kellie said, "And I'm sure you have other things you need to be doing."
"Not at the moment," Sonny said.
"Let's cut to the chase," Kellie said, "We both know I still don't have warm fuzzies towards you."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Sonny replied.
"I've got an idea," Kellie said, "Let's not and skip the whole song and dance where you swear you've finally learned your lesson about guards and protection and whatever else you should have learned by now. You can save me the disappointment when you do something that proves you really didn't learn a thing."
"How long are you going to hold on this?" Sonny said, "I figured it had been long enough we could talk about getting past this."
Kellie rolled her eyes, "My lack of warm fuzzies for you and the reason for that have been low on my list of priorities. I've had a lot of other stuff to deal with."
"The Foundation, Shiloh, Garrett has all been dealt with, hasn't it," Sonny said, "So maybe now would be a good time to figure out this."
"Because the godfather complex says so," Kellie said, "Uh no, you don't get to tell me when it's time figure out the latest reason we're not getting along. I get however long I want to be mad at you, to try to forget…"
"Forget what?" Sonny asked.
"Nothing," Kellie said, turning her attention to open the box with the changing table, "You should go. I have all this stuff to put away."
Sonny didn't move, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I left Carly vulnerable and Jason wasn't there to stay with you at the hospital or go after Alyssa instead of you. I'm sorry that you were…"
"Stop," Kellie said, freezing.
"were in that cabin again," Sonny continued, "with the memories of…"
"I said stop," Kellie yelled, "I don't want to talk about the cabin or think about it, what happened there or might have happened."
Kellie turned her face away from Sonny. She held on to the box trying to regain her composure. Sonny moved to the opposite side of the box.
"Holding on to this much anger at me for this long was never about the guards was it?" Sonny said, "On some level it still is. But you haven't figured out how to deal with the fact you were back in that cabin to begin with, have you?"
"I can't," Kellie snapped, "Not right. I just can't….just please leave it alone."
Sonny didn't respond right away.
"Garrett's gone," Sonny said, "He's not coming back."
"i know that," Kellie replied.
"Up here, no question," Sonny said, pointing at his head, "But where it matters the most, your heart, you gut, whatever you want to call it, you don't. At least not yet."
"I don't see how needing time to adjust to the fact, Garrett's no longer a threat, has to do with our relationship," Kellie said.
"You still think you there's something to fight," Sonny said, "Or you need something to fight? Garrett was out of reach before he was gone."
"So you're suggesting I'm picking fights with you over the whole guard thing because I wasn't able to take care of Garrett directly," Kellie said, "That's rich. Way to try to absolve yourself of any responsibility."
"There's no absolving myself for my part in what happened to you," Sonny said, "But the fighting when you don't need to, I know something about that. You're only punishing yourself."
"it's not that easy to just let it go," Kellie said, "I woke up in that cabin where l lost a child. I thought I'd put that behind me, that burning the cabin down would be enough. I held on to that loss for so long, grieved it so many times."
"You learned to live with the loss," Sonny said, "You can forget it and or not feel it as much. But sometimes things happen and that loss hurts like it was yesterday. Fight me all you want, but don't fight the grief."
"Damn you," Kellie said, tears threatening to spill, "I didn't give you permission to drag up all that up. I…"
Kellie's tears completely fell, "I don't understand why it still has to it hurt like this."
Kellie sat on the floor against the crib. Sonny sat on the floor next to Kellie. She cried on Sonny's shoulder.
After while, Sonny asked, "have you talked to Jason about any of this?"
"No," Kellie said, "How could I when…it wouldn't have been fair to him…."
"So you thought that you had to carry that loss all on your own again," Sonny said, "That ache you feel when you think of all that could have been with your first child doesn't mean you love your daughter with Jason any less."
Kellie looked like she wanted to say something but didn't. Instead just cried on Sonny's shoulder.
"So you know what I think," Sonny said after while.
"I'm sure you'll tell me if even if I told you not to," Kellie quipped as Jason looked in on them.
"Is everything okay up here?" Jason asked, noting that Kellie's eyes were red from crying.
Sonny waited for Kellie to respond to Jason but she didn't.
"It will be," Sonny said, "I'm going to head out. Leave the two of you to talk."
Sonny turned his attention back to Kellie, "Talk to Jason. There's no reason for you to carry that loss all on your own. Whenever you're ready to see if we move past everything that's complicated about our relationship, you know where to find me."
Sonny saw himself out and Jason knelt next to Kellie on the floor.
"You want to tell me what happened with you and Sonny?" Jason asked.
"Nope," Kellie said.
"I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when Sonny said he wanted to try to make amends with you," Jason said, "But the sudden silence and finding you crying on Sonny's shoulder wasn't what I expected."
"I like to mix things up once in awhile," Kellie quipped.
"What loss was Sonny talking about?" Jason asked.
"Dad brought up the cabin and I didn't want to to talk about it," Kellie said, "Especially after everything else that's gone on today. I just want to focus on putting Garrett, Ethan, and the cabin behind us and getting ready for our new arrival."
"And gloss over something that's obviously bothering you," Jason said.
"The whole debacle with Garrett at the cabin," Kellie said, "It brought up a bunch of stuff from the first time I was in that cabin. Dad bringing that up just hit a nerve."
"The child you lost," Jason said.
"Yeah," Kellie said.
"It's not unexpected that everything you've been through recently would stir up any sadness you have over losing your baby," Jason said, "I'd imagine even just getting things ready for this baby reminds you of the things you never got to do for him or her."
"I keep telling myself it shouldn't matter," Kellie said, "It's been…"
"Doesn't matter," Jason said, "It doesn't stop you from wondering what they'd be like, what they'd be doing now if they lived."
"Sometimes Tyler and I would talk about what her milestones would have been like," Kellie said, "Especially when one of the kids experienced theirs. When I was pregnant with the twins, Tyler, he got me an ornament to put on the tree to remember her with. He gave it to me on the date doctor gave me as her due date. He and I would remember her on that day every year. We'd get a cupcake and blow out the candle and split it."
"What day?" Jason asked.
"December 12," Kellie said.
"Have you done that since Tyler died?" Jason asked.
"No, I didn't," Kellie said, "I thought about it. I wanted to but…I don't know. I didn't know if I should without Tyler."
"I'm pretty sure Tyler would want to to continue that tradition if you wanted to," Jason said, "However you want to do it whether it's something you do yourself or you wanted to do it with the kids or whoever you wanted to do that with. She was part of your life even if was just a short time. No one expects you to forget her."
"Thank you," Kellie said, leaning her head on Jason shoulder, "You know what's weird to think about. She'd be in high school by now thinking about boys, driving, deciding what college to go. I see Joss and her friends and they remind me of everything she never got to do."
"It's not weird," Jason said, "Sometimes I think about how Baby Lila and Baby Emily would have been running around with them if they'd lived."
"Baby Emily?" Kellie questioned, "Wait. I know you had planned to raise my sister with Sam. But I didn't know you'd lost…"
"Not many people do," Jason said, "Courtney miscarried when we were together."
"I'm sorry," Kellie said, "How did it happen?"
Jason grimaced, "Your uncle had kidnapped her and Carly. She jumped off the boat to to try to escape and…I didn't even know she was pregnant until after she'd lost the baby."
"Jason," Kellie said, "i'm sorry… which of my crazy uncles was it. Ric or Luis?"
"Lorenzo, actually," Jason replied.
"Wait, what?," Kellie replied, "I knew the history between you and Lorenzo wasn't pretty back in the day. I knew he'd done awful things, but damn…"
"It's as in the past as it can be," Jason said.
"I'm surprised you would have even considered going to work for him ever," Kellie said.
"That probably tells you how angry I was at Sonny for getting my sister killed," Jason replied, "And as for now, Lorenzo and I care about a lot of the same people, so we try to make it work."
"You're still not each other's favorite people," Kellie said, "There's a lot of history there, more than I realized. Anyway, do you do anything to remember the babies you lost?"
"Nothing specific," Jason said, "I just remember them every so often."
"If you ever wanted to talk about them or do something for them," Kellie said, "I'm here."
"I appreciate that," Jason said, "You can always talk to me about your daughter. Did you ever give her a name?"
"Erin," Kellie said.
"It's pretty," Jason said. He and Kellie fell into silence until Kellie got a strange look on her face.
"What's wrong?" Jason asked.
"Nothing you want me to voice out loud," Kellie said, "It belongs in the bucket of Port Charles connections, we're better off not discussing or we'd go crazy."
"It can't be that bad," Jason said.
"Do you really want to talk about the fact that it just to occurred to me that you would have been considered my uncle when you were married to Courtney?" Kellie said, "I generally don't think about it because Courtney died before I came to town, but still.."
Jason looked at Kellie speechless.
"Told you," Kellie said.
"So you and Sonny," Jason said, changing the subject.
"Probably always going to be complicated," Kellie said, shifting her body to try to get up off the floor, "And I'm going to go downstairs and get something to eat. But the changing table I started opening…"
"I'll put it together," Jason said.
"Thank you," Kellie said, "I might have started it to."
"To irritate Sonny," Jason said as Kellie shifted her body to try to get up off the floor, "Do you need help?"
"No, I got it," Kellie said, trying again, "Okay, fine, yes, I need help."
Jason helped Kellie stand up.
"I'm going to make tacos," Kellie asked, starting to move towards the door, "Do you want some?"
"Sure," Jason said, stopping Kellie, pulling her into his arms, "Hold on a minute."
"This better be good," Kellie said, "Starving, pregnant woman ….."
Jason stopped her mid-sentence with a kiss.