The Diego Diaries: Sun Dance (dd6 155)
=0=In the hallway of The Residence
Prowl, Prime and Ratchet stood together in front of the elevator that served Prime's home. They discussed what Ratchet thought about the situation, the needs that he would organize to take this case up and his prescription for them going forward for a while.
"The worst part is over," Ratchet said. "Now its all anti-climatic. They both need counseling. Neither of them are in very good condition emotionally. The leadership business and the war with Sun Base has left a mark. I would keep them here, have them go into the routine I'm going to set and let Venture and Miler off work as long as they want it to help. Sometimes, helping when you're part of the situation isn't fun and if they need a break to go back to work then allow it."
Prime glanced at Prowl. "You stay here and help this get organized, Prowl. Stealth really needs you around him and your appa could use your presence as well. We can call you when the need arises. I am going back with Ratchet and I am thinking that I am going to have Ratchet command the operation since its more a humanitarian situation once we get the leadership in custody. A bridge is a short step away if the need arises."
Prowl stared at him, then Ratchet. He placed a servo on Ratchet's shoulders, then nodded. "Thank you, Ratchet. This is something I never dreamed about."
"All of us are getting lucky. I checked. We have about 13% match ups with the migrations coming and there's a concerted effort on Cybertron to do the same. Its going to get better because it will," Ratchet said.
Prowl nodded, then glanced at the door. "This sort of thing isn't something I'm used to seeing out of any of us. We were all so proper, though Amma and Appa were more … realistic and …," he trailed off a moment. "I think they hated it as much as I did. I think that I take after them."
"Good on you, Prowler. When they get on their peds we can bar hop with them and see," Ratchet said with a big grin.
Prowl smirked at him. "Loon."
"Whiner," Ratchet said then glanced at Prime who was grinning himself. "I better head out then. I'll see you there. This is the part of the movie where the wing man leaves, the two inept lovers turn to each other and spill their guts before ending up on the floor. Don't let me down." He snickered then walked into the elevator and disappeared.
The two stared at the elevator then each other. Prime grinned. "He's impossible."
"Good thing," Prowl said.
The two hugged tightly, holding each other. "I am happy for you, Prowl."
"I am, too, though I don't know how this will go with my other grandgenitors," Prowl said as he clung to Prime. "I guess one orn at a time."
"I think that's best," Prime said.
Prowl looked up at him. "Your genitors are seriously wonderful. Kestrel is a miracle of goodness. It's not hard to figure out how you turned out so well with them and their care. I thanked him. I told him I can't find words to thank them enough for you."
Prime stared at Prowl a moment. "I won the lottery with them."
"They said they saw it in you from the start, your innate greatness. They knew they had to help you get to where you were going to go. You were here to save us, Optimus," Prowl said. "They said so. They said it was evident early on what a great and good mech you would be, that you would save us."
Prime stared at Prowl. "My genitors … my family were my inspiration."
"Maybe so," Prowl said, "but the greatness was already in you, Orion."
Prime hugged Prowl tightly for a long time.
=0=Sun Base Operational and Control Center
Ratchet ambled in then sat on a chair next to Hardie. "How is it going?"
Delphi glanced up then grinned. "We have nearly all the hard afts in custody. There's a couple of hostage situations but all in all, done deal."
"Do they need a negotiator? I can come and help," Ratchet said.
"Delphi to Springer."
The sound of gunfire was heard over the comm line. :Amma? You calling NOW?!:
Snickers rounded the room.
"I have Prime's official hostage negotiator with me. Do I send him out?" Delphi asked as he leaned back to lounge in his chair.
:BLAM! BLAM! WE GOT THIS! BLAM! BLAMITY BLAM!:
Ratchet stood with a big grin. "That's my boy. WIFI me the location and I'll go lay servos on. By the way, Hardie," Ratchet said as he glanced down at the big grinning mech watching him get ready to leave, "I get to run this goat rodeo once the shooting is over. You get to go home and go back to the job at Iacon after its all parted out here. Don't let the old codgers tell you otherwise. I told them to help their family now."
"Got it," Hardie said as he and Delphi watched Ratchet walk out of the big room. "That mech is a menace to society."
"Good thing. Look what society got for us in the end?" Delphi said as he took a datapad from a kid nearby at Tactical.
"I hear ya," Hardie said as he turned back to his work.
=0=BLAM, BLAM, BLAMITY BLAM!
Ratchet transformed then crept up to the big sculpture near a townhouse where Springer, Drift and Topspin were hiding. He peered around then looked at the three. "Need a negotiator?"
"You're the negotiator, too?" Topspin said as he leaned against a big carved statue of Nova Prime giving a heroic stance on a plinth.
"I was everything because no one else would do it and I'm good at lying. I even helped raise Bumblebee when he was Halo's age, the little orphaned slagger. What a cutie he was. I could tell you-" Everyone ducked as bullets flew past or struck Nova. "They're desiccating their history, the fraggers."
"It's only Nova, so ..." Springer said with a grin. "I'd transform and fly over there to kick their afts but they might ruin my finish."
"There's that. I could sweet talk them. Maybe I know them. I did a lot of work on slaggers like them during the time I was head of the Hospital Center in Iacon. Slaggers would come in and use it because I had the best of everything there. Cheapskates, the humans would say," Ratchet said as he lay on his back reminiscing about the good old orns.
"Cheapskates … I think the humans have better words to describe them," Topspin said. "Especially the Brits. They have great words."
"What are some of them?" Drift asked as he crouched next to Springer who was using a few Cybertronian epithets himself as he considered their options.
Topspin smiled. "Your mom is here. He might not like it."
"I'm going to add them to my personal vocabulary files," Ratchet said. "Fire away."
"Well, I like bullocks."
Everyone agreed that sounded great.
"What does it mean?" Drift asked to be ornery. After all, Mom was here.
"It means nonsense. It also has to do with male genitalia," he replied to get Springer's goat.
He did.
"Why did you have to bring that up?" Springer asked as he frowned at Topspin. "Really. We have a situation here."
"What's more?" Drift asked with a grin and a snicker. Springer frowned at him and he secretly took a snap and put it in his files. He loved Springer's slightly betrayed frown.
"There's this one. Twat. And tit."
All of them looked it up. Ewws and dafuqs erupted.
"Why?" Springer asked with surprise and no small amount of disgust.
"A twat which rhymes with 'at' is an obnoxious fool and idiot and tit means broke. I think," Topspin said.
"I thought it was an insult for a woman's … things," Drift said.
Everyone glanced at him.
"Well," Drift sputtered. "I think it is. Maybe."
Springer took a snap of Drift sputtering and added it to his files. It was a new look, the Zen fragger.
"Those are Brit insults. I love them. What about American?" Topspin asked. "And the German and Dutch guys. What do they say?"
"I heard one of the Dutch guys calling another a smeerlap," Drift said. Everyone looked at him again. "Uh, I think it means pervert."
It was silent a moment then three bullets bounced off the statue. Ratchet watched them ricochet overhead as he lay on his back staring at the sky. "I like that one. Smeerlap. Sounds like Prowl in Dutch."
[HUGE laughter greeted that.]
"I heard someone call another arschgeige."
Everyone looked at Topspin.
"It means 'ass violin' … 'idiot'," he said. "I think I'm in love."
"I think I am, too. Do continue, Maestro," Ratchet said.
"I know one more German one … bananenbieger. Its for goof offs or people doing pointless things. It means 'banana bender'," Topspin said with a snicker.
Crawling up to join them, Twin Twist leaned against the big statue. He looked up at it. "Well, at least Nova's doing something useful for once. What are you talking about? I heard laughter."
"Human swearing," Drift said. "We keep it elevated."
"Ah, now you're on my turf. Here's my favorites. I think its German. Maybe. Lustmolch," he began.
"What does that mean?" Springer asked as he peered around to look and pulled back swiftly as three bullets flew past.
"'Facing maniac," Twin said with a chuckle.
"Ah, Ironhide's middle name," Ratchet said with a dazzling smile. He lay with his servos laced on his chassis and his peds crossed.
HUGE disgust greeted that, then Drift glanced at Twin. "Continue."
"Mudak. Russian for shit head. I like this insult … 'face like a bucket of smashed crabs'. That's Australian," he said with a chuckle.
"I think you're cute, Twin," Ratchet said with a smile.
Huge laughter greeted that.
"I heard this one and it was such a good insult that I kept it. One of the Japanese guys said it to another. They both laughed. 'Tōfu no kado ni atama wo utte shinē," Twin said.
Ratchet glanced up at Twin as he watched the boys get ready to storm the Bastille so to speak. "What does it mean? I'm too lazy to check."
"It means," Twin said as he chuckled, "'Go hit your head on a corner of tofu and die'."
Everyone paused to look at Twin.
Ratchet laughed. "THE WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION! THE JAPANESE!" He grinned then unsubbed his gun. "You ready?"
"We are, Ada," Springer said. "Stay behind. We're going to need you to patch us up after this."
"Call in an airstrike," Ratchet suggested.
It was silent a moment, then everyone looked at Springer.
"WHAT!?" he asked. "Why do I always have to do the thinking?"
"Because you're the boss?" Twin asked.
"Oh. That," Springer said with a grin. Then he called in an 'airstrike' … five heavy gunner Seekers who hovered over the house as he told everyone to surrender.
They did.
The wankers.
=0=Moments later
"That's the whole group," Drift said as he walked up to everyone sitting on the platform of the now busticated Nova Prime. "They sure left their mark."
Everyone looked up then grinned. "Nova needs a new codpiece. I wonder if you can Freudian slip when you shoot?" Ratchet asked.
"I don't know. I didn't get no good educate," Twin said as he stood. "They have another one three blocks from here."
"I'm on it. What about you, Ada?" Springer said as the team stood up to go.
"I'm on it like flies on shit," Ratchet said with a dazzling smile. "God bless America."
HUGE laughter and insults greeted that.
"The humans like to use poo in their insults," Twin said as they began to walk toward the sidewalk and another shootout nearby. "That's interesting."
"They all do," Drift said. "I just downloaded every insult and swear list from the internet."
"You better delete it. You talk in your recharge," Springer said with a grin.
"What does he say?" Twin asked as the others slowed as the shooting nearby got louder.
"OH, SPRINGER! WHAT DID I EVER DO BEFORE YOU! YOU'RE SUCH A HOT BOT!" Springer said.
Drift laughed then drew his swords. "That's you. Hot."
"I can fix that," Ratchet said unsubbing a giant screwdriver.
Springer looked at it and blanched. "Uh, later, Ada."
With that, the lot ran forward yelling loudly as they turned the corner to open fire on the slaggers.
=0=TBC 12-11-19