CHAPTER 18: Shadows of the Past

Thanks to all my awesome readers and reviewers, for all your feedback, and your patience! Once again life has been intensely busy, but I promise I will not abandon the story. I wish I could answer everyone individually, but that's not allowed on here, so I'll just answer specific questions some people asked.

Aikaru, since this is an AU, they don't have the same ninjutsu as in the manga, but I've tried to give them the "real-life" equivalent of their jutsus. So, Neji doesn't have byakugan, but he has sharp eyes and is able to read people's body language very well; Shikamaru is smart and stealthy and uses shadows to his advantage, though he can't use them to bind people; Temari can't use wind, but she has her large fanlike weapon, etc.

Also, no, sorry, it will not be M. I'm not great at writing lemons, and it wouldn't fit the story.

Elelith, yeah, I know Naruto is pretty awesome in the manga right now, but unfortunately it wouldn't really fit the story to include all his great new powers (or even his regular powers, like shadow clones). I do think of Naruto as having "emotional intelligence" – getting people to talk to him, and being able to talk to them so they'll listen to him, and he does show some of that in this story.

And to my international readers – yay! I love hearing from you, and please don't be embarrassed if your English isn't perfect. I can understand you very well, and your English is certainly better than my French or Italian, and miles better than if I attempted to speak any other language.

###

"Your mission was a failure," the Kazekage said. "You didn't get any usable intel. But you brought everyone home safely, which is the most important thing."

Shikamaru stared at a spot on her desk. Was it really bringing everyone home safely when all his teammates had been injured, Chouji critically?

"But we have your clan to thank for their recovery. The medicines and the antler and herbs they provided may have saved your friend's life."

There was some comfort in that, but it was small. His friends shouldn't have needed to be in the hospital; Chouji shouldn't have almost died in the first place.

Chouji mostly slept the first two days, heavily sedated. Once he roused himself to groggily take notice of who was at his bedside.

"Shikamaru…."

Shikamaru wanted to apologize for leaving his friend, wanted to tell Chouji what a terrible mistake he had made, but for now he just leaned closer to hear what Chouji had to say.

"…Did I…did I…get that guy?"

Shikamaru told him what the Kazekage's report had said: based on the amount of blood they had found and the condition of the ground, they believed the big Akatsuki had been either killed or badly wounded, but the Akatsuki had apparently taken his body before the other teams reached the scene.

"Ohh…" Chouji said, before closing his eyes and drifting off again. Shikamaru didn't know what that meant.

Chouji was out again all the next day. His parents took turns at the hospital keeping watch, and Ino came in the afternoon. Shikamaru sat on the benches with her, only half-listening to her talk nonstop about everything and nothing.

"So, I brought daffodils and peonies, I thought the bright colors would be cheerful. Maybe he'll get Sakura as a nurse, she's doing her training here. Oh, and Shika…why was Sabaku Temari at the hospital with you?"

"She came to help me, when we were fighting the Akatsuki." And then she had stayed with him, waiting to hear word of his injured teammates. That had been unexpected. Almost as unexpected as Neji turning up there, in violation of the Pet rules.

"Was the Kazekage there too?"

"At the hospital? No, I saw her later. She told me I failed –"

"No, not her," Ino said impatiently.

"Oh, Gaara?" Ino had a thing for the young future Kazekage. Shikamaru couldn't imagine a more unlikely pair. The Sabaku were royalty; Ino's father was a shinobi and her mother owned a flower shop. Gaara was serious and taciturn, Ino bubbly and loud. Gaara had the weight of becoming Kazekage hanging over his head, and had reportedly already survived one attempt on his life by a jealous relative; Ino's biggest drama had been when she and Sakura both liked the same boy. About the only thing they had in common was that they both liked to be in charge. "No," he said, "he wasn't there…he was helping Naruto."

Ino sighed, with a look that said his real failure was being rescued by the wrong member of the Sabaku clan.

###

Shikamaru's mission had failed, but his real failure was one of confidence. Neji saw this. Always before, even though Shikamaru had been outrageously lazy and unmotivated, there had been a sureness in him, a belief in himself. His attitude had always been that of course he could do whatever was being asked; he just didn't want to be bothered.

Now he no longer believed he could do what was being asked. He still dragged his feet about training, but now it was for a whole different reason. Shikamaru didn't talk about it, but Neji could tell. He had noticed that even though Shikamaru often grumbled and complained about things that didn't matter, when something was really bothering him, he kept it to himself.

Maybe he would have talked to Chouji. But Chouji was in intensive care, and Shikamaru felt too guilty to talk to his other friends.

Neji saw this.

Neji had seen Lee struggle with a crisis of confidence, and Hinata seemed to be perpetually stuck in one. He never wanted to think of Shikamaru like that - a timid, cringing weakling. And Neji himself knew what it was like to be brought so low you doubted your own abilities; to feel like a complete failure. He never wanted Shikamaru to feel like that.

And so he pushed and prodded Shikamaru, forcing him to train when they returned from the hospital, challenging him to a spar. Even in the evening, when he sensed that Shikamaru might be inclined to retreat inside his own mind and brood, Neji did not let up.

"What's this board with the white and black stones? Does it mean something?"

"Huh?" Shikamaru tore himself away from staring blankly out the window at the night sky. "Oh... that's a Go board. They don't play Go in your country?" He sounded as incredulous as if Neji had said they didn't breathe air in his country.

"Some people might. But I don't waste my time playing children's games," Neji said, putting on his snootiest tone.

As he had hoped, Shikamaru took the bait. "Actually, it requires a high degree of strategic skill, just like Shogi."

"But it's just little stones. At least Shogi has a few different pieces. What do you do, just try to arrange them in some kind of pattern?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes with exasperation. "Sit down here and I'll show you." So Neji complied, letting Shikamaru explain the game and all its rules to him in mind-numbing detail. He was tired, and it was past the time he would normally have gone to bed, but he didn't really mind. He was not terribly eager to leave the warmth of Shikamaru's room and return to the creepy, noisy room at the end of the hall that he slept in. And he could feel a little of Shikamaru's enthusiasm and sureness returning. So he struggled to keep his eyes open and understand this new, baffling game.

###

Shikamaru slid a stone onto the board and watched Neji struggle to keep his eyes open. He wasn't really sure why Neji was forcing himself to stay awake to play, as he had put it, a "children's game." Maybe he was trying to take Shikamaru's mind off of Chouji. Or maybe he was still having nightmares.

That thought gave Shikamaru pause. He didn't like to think of Neji suffering like that. And, if he was being honest, he wasn't looking forward to the moment when Neji would get up and go back to his own room. There was something about the longhaired North Country nin that calmed and comforted him. He just felt better with Neji around. He wouldn't mind if Neji stayed right here the whole night, every night.

That was impossible, though. He couldn't ask Neji to go back to sleeping on his floor like a displaced refugee. And he could hardly invite him to share his bed, even though it was more than big enough for two. That would be too much like actually having a Pet. And Neji would probably kill him before he would entertain such an idea.

He was staring absently at the brush painting hanging on the wall of his small book room when the idea hit him in all its simple awesomeness. Of course! There was no need for Neji to bunk on his floor – or in his bed. He had a room, albeit a small one.

Of course, there would be a few obstacles. He would have to move all the junk out of that room and back into the spare room. That would be the easy part. The hard part would be convincing his parents…and Neji himself.

The next morning, while Neji was insanely training at the crack of dawn as he always did, Shikamaru approached his mother and outlined his plan, hoping he had caught her in a good mood. Predictably, her first response was an objection.

"That little room? It's practically a closet!"

"It's fine, Ma. He doesn't have much stuff."

"Mmhm." Yoshino's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Shikamaru, what, exactly is your… relationship with this boy?"

"There's no relationship, Ma. I just…feel responsible for him. I mean, you're the one that keeps saying he's a guest, not a Pet or a servant. Wouldn't you want a guest to stay where they feel comfortable? He can't sleep in that room, it's too noisy."

Yoshino sighed. Shikamaru was relieved that she didn't ask how he knew Neji couldn't sleep. No doubt she assumed he had complained about it, which would definitely be believable given Neji's behavior in the past. In reality, though, Neji had said very little about the room, or the noise. Shikamaru wasn't sure if he didn't like admitting fear, or he was afraid of being moved into an even worse room if he complained.

"Maybe he could sleep in the barracks with the men…" Yoshino mused, frowning.

"You know most of them hate the North and think the White-Eyes are creepy."

His mother nodded, grudgingly. "But how is that little room any more comfortable?"

Shikamaru felt a small flicker of exultation. He had won; if his mother was bringing up the bookroom again, it meant she was willing to consider it. "It's quieter. And I'll move all my crap out of there, so there's some space."

Yoshino's expression was skeptical, but not intransigent.

"Look, it's not like that between us. We're just friends." And sometimes, not even that. "I like girls, Ma."

He hoped his mother wouldn't ask if there was one particular girl he liked. There was someone who had been…on his mind a bit. But he was pretty sure his mother wouldn't approve. This particular girl was almost three years older – and a member of the ruling clan. His parents would have vastly preferred him to get together with Ino, he knew.

In the end his mother reluctantly agreed, as long as they did all the moving and cleaning up so there was no extra work for her.

Now he just had to convince Neji.

He waited until evening, when they were having another game of Go, Neji frowning drowsily down at the board.

"You look like you're about to fall asleep."

"I'm fine," Neji mumbled.

"You know, if we're going to play like this every night, and you're going to fall asleep at the board, maybe we should find you someplace closer to sleep, so you don't have to walk all the way back to your room….I have that little room I'm just storing crap in…we could clear that out and…y'know, put a futon and stuff in…"

Neji's head came up. His clear eyes, wide open now, stared into Shikamaru's. Shikamaru felt himself flush. He had handled it clumsily; the words had sounded idiotic even to him. Neji was a shinobi who could easily run miles; it was no hardship for him to walk down a hallway, even a long one. He braced himself for the Hyuuga's suspicion and scorn.

But Neji only said quietly, "Is that what you want?"

Shikamaru answered honestly. "I want you to be where you are comfortable."

Neji turned his head to survey the small room. Shikamaru did too, noticing how cluttered it had become. "We'll move all those papers and books and stuff out tomorrow, and –"

"No," Neji said.

Shikamaru's heart sank a little; he wasn't sure why. "No?"

"No, you can leave the books. They might be about useful topics."

And so the next day, after visiting the hospital, they moved everything but the bookshelves out of the small room, and brought in a low bureau and a futon. Shikamaru made room for Neji's things in his own closet by shoving all the existing stuff over to one side. It was troublesome, of course, but he didn't mind if it made Neji feel better. And he had to admit, he liked the idea of having Neji sleeping nearby. He just didn't want to examine too closely the reason why.

###

Clearing out the room and setting it up was a lot of trouble. But if Shikamaru was willing to exert himself, he must really want Neji there. And, Neji had to admit, he had a much better feeling about Shikamaru's spare room, small as it was, than about the room down the hall. He just didn't want to examine too closely the reason why.

Instead he busied himself carrying maps and scrolls away, and trying to put some order to Shikamaru's untidy stacks.

"You can just put that stuff on my desk; I'll deal with it later," Shikamaru said, as he tossed things from his closet shelf into a box. He indicated with a wave of his hand an already overflowing basket on the desk. Neji gingerly tried to place the armful he had brought atop it, but some things inevitably slid to the floor. As he bent to collect them, a fragment caught his eye; a few lines scribbled messily on a sheet of paper. The handwriting was Shikamaru's, but the words looked strangely familiar. Wondering, he picked it up and read:

I am a caged bird

Wings clipped by destiny. Now

My spirit flies home.

He lifted his head to stare at Shikamaru, who was standing quite still, looking fixedly at the paper as if it was a snake Neji held.

"Why do you…have this?"

Shikamaru rubbed his head, looking self-conscious, then shrugged. "It was the last thing you would have left on this earth…I thought there should be something to remember you by, so I wrote it down."

Neji flushed, remembering that day. Shikamaru was still staring at the fragment of paper in that spooked way. Neji could guess what was going through his mind. Was he thinking that reading the poem might remind Neji of his wish to die?

"Don't worry," he said quietly. "I won't…try that again."

"Good," Shikamaru said, "because I'm responsible for cleaning that bathroom, and it's my least favorite job." His voice was offhand, but Neji could see him relax somewhat.

To lighten the mood, he raised an eyebrow. "Oh? What's your most favorite job?"

Shikamaru grinned. "None of them, actually."

Neji could have made a remark about laziness, but since he had never had to clean a bathroom – or anything else, for that matter, save for his weapons and himself – he didn't think he had room to talk.

He wasn't too sure how he felt about the move. He was doing this to make Shikamaru feel better, he thought, but he had a feeling that he should be resentful and wary. The room was smaller, much closer and less private; it was part of Shikamaru's room. All in all, it was more…Pet-like. He should secretly hate it.

But that evening, after their Go game, as he got ready for bed and lay down on the futon, he was surprised to feel only a sense of relief and contentment. Through the doorway into Shikamaru's room he could see Shikamaru lying on his bed reading. It gave him a warm feeling.

"Is the light bothering you?" Shikamaru asked.

"No, not at all."

"Are you comfortable in there?"

"Yes, fine." No, he shouldn't be. He didn't want to be. He wanted to be proud and guarded and independent. But right now he was too blissfully sleepy to care.

###

Through the doorway to the little room, Shikamaru could see Neji's sleeping form, the back of his head and his long hair, neatly tied at the ends. It gave him a warm feeling.

He was a little uneasy about the setup, Neji sleeping in the small room on a futon while he had the big room and the big bed. It was a little too much like Master and Pet. But when he had even hinted that Neji could have the big room and he'd take the small, Neji had backed off the whole arrangement instantly.

"No, that's ridiculous, Shikamaru. I'll stay in the room down the hall." He quelled Shikamaru's protests with a steely look. "I don't need anything but a futon, or not even that. I am a shin—"

"Yeah, yeah, you sleep on stones and kill bears with your bare hands for food. Give it a rest. Your bedroom back home is probably twice the size of mine."

"No, it is not. My uncle –" Neji broke off abruptly, a slight flush staining his cheeks. "Anyway, this room is fine, and we've got boxes to move."

Shikamaru had let it go, but the slip hadn't escaped his notice. He wondered what the story was. Did Neji live with his uncle? Had he had a falling–out with his father?

In time, Shikamaru thought, he would discover the truth. For now, he was content to watch Neji sleep.

In the morning, when Shikamaru awoke, Neji was already up, his futon neatly put away, and Neji himself no doubt out running laps around the village or some other senseless thing. He returned half an hour later, just as Shikamaru had roused himself to make breakfast. Shikamaru noticed he was wearing a simple black shirt and pants to train, rather than the heavy Hyuuga robes.

"Good morning," Neji said. "I'll get cleaned up and we can head over to the hospital." He eyed the eggs Shikamaru was frying in a way that told Shikamaru he'd better make enough for two.

"Have some breakfast first." Shikamaru was touched that Neji just took it as a given that he would accompany Shikamaru to the hospital. But he had been astonished at finding out just how far Neji had gone on that terrible day that ended the mission. He had not just come to the hospital, Shikamaru had discovered, he had actually talked the guards into letting him leave the village. That had been an enormous risk; had he been found out, he could have been sent to prison.

Shikamaru wanted to do something to repay him. And – aside from his freedom, which Shikamaru wasn't in a position to give yet – he thought he knew what Neji would want most.

"Asuma-sensei tells me there's a tournament coming up," he said, pouring hot sauce onto his eggs. "We could go register for it today." As Shikamaru was too young to sponsor Neji, Asuma-sensei had agreed to sponsor him – for a price. The price was that Shikamaru had to compete as well.

Neji's mouth was full, but Shikamaru saw his eyes widen in interest.

"Since you're new –"

"I am not new. I've fought in –"

"—new to the South Country," Shikamaru went on, "you'll be fighting in the Pet category, against other Pets."

"Other Pets?" Neji sounded outraged. "I will fight in the real tournament, not –"

"Don't be so quick to look down on the Pets. Deidara beat Gaara once. And Haku took on two at once and didn't lose. They might look sweet and pretty, but they're skilled warriors."

"Hn," was all Neji said. Shikamaru guessed he would find out for himself at the tournament.

When they arrived at the hospital, Shikamaru was surprised to see no one on the benches. At the end of the hall, the door to Chouji's room was open and he could see several people gathered around the bed. A cold spike of fear shot through him; for a moment, he halted, not wanting to go any further.

But then Ino spotted them and came rushing out, a huge smile on her face.

"Shikamaru, come on, he's awake!" She grabbed his arm and looked like she wanted to grab Neji's as well, but, no doubt remembering the last time she had grabbed Neji, settled for simply dragging Shikamaru down the hall to Chouji's room with Neji following. Naruto and Kiba were in there too, along with Sakura and Chouji's father.

"Hey, Shikamaru," Chouji greeted them. He was sitting up in bed, looking weaker and thinner than usual, but alert.

"Hey, buddy."

Chouji got right to the point. "Didja bring me any food? All they give me here is jello. I'm starved!"

Shikamaru felt relief flow through him, like a warm tide breaking apart a frozen chunk of ice. Everyone was laughing and talking all at once, including Chouji, and for a moment he simply let the sound wash over him. Looking up, he was amazed to see –

"Hey," Naruto exclaimed, "even Neji's smiling!" As everyone looked in his direction, Neji crossed his arms, quirking up an eyebrow in irritation. But Shikamaru had already seen it; a genuine smile of happiness, unguarded and hopeful. It had transformed Neji's face. He was never bad looking, but in that moment he had been truly beautiful. Or maybe it was just Shikamaru's joy at Chouji's recovery. Whatever the cause, he felt lightness bubbling through him, as if he had swallowed a very fizzy drink.

They stayed at the hospital until just before lunchtime, when they left Chouji to his jello and headed to the Kazekage's office to pick up the paperwork for the tournament registration. Naruto and Kiba reacted with yells of jealousy when they heard where the two were going; because of their injuries, they would not be allowed to take part this time.

At the Kazekage's office, Iruka was delighted to hear that Shikamaru was registering. Shikamaru didn't tell him he was only doing it for Neji. He himself would have much rather spent the tournament sitting in the stands eating chips with Chouji.

Paperwork in hand, he was turning to go when he was stopped short by the sight of another person coming in through the door: a slim figure with four blonde puffs of hair and a large fan strapped to her back. Suddenly very aware of the watchful eyes of the guards and Iruka, he bowed his head. "Sabaku-sama."

"Nara-san," she returned coolly. She walked past him to Iruka's desk. "I need the forms for the tournament." His heart thumping just a little faster, Shikamaru left the office and walked out to where Neji was waiting.

###

Neji waited while Shikamaru examined the forms he held in his hand. He seemed to be taking an unusually long time to sort through the paperwork. Neji had expected him to just stuff it into his backpack, as he had seen him do in the past.

"Is everything okay with the tournament registration?" he asked, concerned. He had been very glad to hear that he would have this chance to repay some of his debt. He was also glad Shikamaru was registering. Maybe doing well in the tournament would restore some of his confidence.

"Oh…yeah, sure," Shikamaru said. "It's fine, everything's in order." But still he stood, carefully poring over each word. He almost seemed to be stalling, though Neji couldn't imagine why.

The door of the Kazekage's office opened and the irritating girl with the blonde puffs of hair, the one who had been at the hospital, walked out. He remembered Shikamaru had introduced her as Sabaku Temari, the sister of the future Kazekage. She raised an eyebrow at the sight of Shikamaru standing there, as if surprised, but Neji could tell from her little smile that she was not surprised at all.

"Were you waiting for me?"

"Nah," Shikamaru said, in a casual-sounding voice. "We were just leaving. But if you're walking out, we'll walk with you."

The girl shot a sharp glance at Neji. He could see distrust and dislike in her look, at the fact that he was obviously a person from the North. Seeing this, and the way she looked at Shikamaru, he felt an equally strong dislike for her.

"Are you going to the Bon festival tomorrow?" Shikamaru said in that same elaborately casual tone. Neji felt a jolt of surprise. Shouldn't O-Bon have already passed? "Maybe we'll see you there."

"Yeah," the girl said. "Me, my brothers…and all of Gaara's guards, and the Kazekage and her guards... We're pretty much prisoners there." Neji, who had been an actual prisoner, shot her an openly scornful look.

"Oh…okay." Shikamaru looked down, busying himself with shoving the paperwork into his backpack.

"Do you go storming?" the girl asked quickly. Neji had never heard the term and had no idea what she was talking about. But Shikamaru apparently had.

"Of course," he said, as if it should be obvious. "You? Or is it too dangerous for the royal family?"

"Are you kidding? Gaara lives for the sand. And," she said, flashing her eyes at Shikamaru in a way that made Neji's hackles rise, "now that I'm of age, we don't have to bring our sensei or the guards."

"Cool."

"Yeah," Temari said. "So we have a tent for ten, and only three of us."

"We have…" Shikamaru paused as he mentally counted. "…eight ..."

"You should join us. But," she said, with a pointed look at Neji, "someone will have to stay out, then."

"Nah, it's no problem…we usually have seven in a six-person tent."

Temari looked like she might be inclined to argue, but she was stopped by the arrival of a tall man with red markings on his face and a cloth covering over his head and most of his face. He eyed Neji in sour suspicion.

"My sensei," Temari said. She raised her hand in a little wave and followed the man out of the building. Shikamaru and Neji did the same, heading in the opposite direction. Shikamaru seemed deep in thought as they walked down the street. Neji was tempted to say something derogatory about the blonde girl, but he didn't want to listen to Shikamaru defend her. Instead, he asked a question that had been nagging at the back of his mind.

"Did you say O-Bon starts tomorrow?"

"Starts?" Shikamaru said, sounding somewhat puzzled. "It is tomorrow."

"It's just one day?"

"Yeah," Shikamaru said, shooting him a quizzical look. "Why, is it longer in your country?"

"Three days. And it's in August." It hit him that he had missed the Bon festival entirely, had not said any prayers for his parents or remembered them in any way. It gave him a sick, hollow ache.

"Oh. Well, they couldn't have it in August here because of the rains. And before that the river is too low. So it's the first Saturday in October."

He had not visited his parents' graves to care for them, or lit candles for them. The further realization hit him that he probably never would again. It wasn't that he doubted Shikamaru's promise to free him. He had come to trust the South Country nin, and now believed Shikamaru was a good person who would keep his word. But how could Neji ever go back, after what he had done?

"…Neji?"

He realized Shikamaru had been saying something to him. "Sorry, what?"

"I said, what do you do for three days?"

"All the members of our clan gather…we remember all the ancestors and visit and care for their graves…then on the third day there's a festival with dancing, and we light lanterns for the spirits to return to their home…" Another wave of guilt hit him. Would his parents' spirits have peace, knowing their son had forgotten them on the most important of days?

"Yeah, we do all that, but just on one day. Our clans are more spread out so I guess it's smaller…" Shikamaru gazed at him thoughtfully. "You missed yours, huh? Well, you could say prayers for your ancestors, even if they're all buried in the North."

Neji nodded. Thinking of his parents, his emotions felt too close to the surface. Wanting to change the subject, he said, "What is storming? It sounded like you go out in a sandstorm and put up a tent, but that can't be right."

"Actually, that's pretty much exactly what we do," Shikamaru said with a little grin, apparently enjoying Neji's disbelief. "It's wild, you'll love it."

Neji seriously doubted that. For the millionth time, he thought that he would never understand South Country people. "I don't think your friend wanted me to go along," he reminded Shikamaru.

"Never mind that," Shikamaru said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You have to go! When will you ever get the chance to do this again?"

Probably never, and Neji was fine with that. Just because you could do something crazy didn't mean you should do it.

"Anyway," Shikamaru said, "let's stop at the market. I need to pick up some cakes, my grandmother's coming tonight." Somewhat diffidently, he added, "You might want to put your sunglasses on."

Neji did not need to be told twice. He hated the way the Suna villagers stared at his eyes. "It is ridiculous how ignorant some people here are."

"Wouldn't it be the same if someone from Suna walked into your village, with light-colored hair and tattoos on their face?"

"Maybe…" Neji muttered. He was wearing his full Hyuuga robes today, because they had been going to the Kazekage's office, which surely merited formal dress. But he had to admit that his simple training outfit was more comfortable in the heat.

They headed over to the square, which like everything else in Suna was actually round. Suna had an open-air market on Tuesdays and Fridays, where all sorts of wares were displayed. They made their way past live chickens, dried fish on sticks, tables heaped with large, exotic-looking fruits, clothing and jewelry and weapon stalls. Shikamaru moved through the crowds with a practiced ease and Neji followed, feeling somewhat dazed, his senses assaulted by the bustling mass of people, the smells of cooking food, the raised voices of sellers and shoppers haggling.

"Shikamaru-san, Neji-kun," a voice said behind them. Neji jerked his head around, startled.

"Oh, hi, Sai," Shikamaru said, and Neji nodded a greeting. Sai was dressed in his usual immodest outfit. A shopping basket over his arm contained vegetables and a couple of luridly-covered paperback books. Neji recalled his sensei reading them while his team trained

"You can buy…uh…pretty much anything in this market, huh?" he said.

"That's right," Sai said. "Fifty years ago you could even buy slaves."

"Why bring that up?" Shikamaru said, sounding annoyed. "You weren't even born then."

"That's irrelevant," Sai said without emotion. He pointed over at one end of the market, where a low platform held three or four vendor stalls. "That's where they used to do it."

Neji felt a chill go through him, imagining himself and Sai and others like them up there, while a mass of people bid for them.

"Whatever," Shikamaru said, a definite edge to his tone now. "We need mochi cakes." He dragged Neji away.

"That was rather rude," Neji remarked, although Sai, impassive as ever, had not seemed offended.

"I swear," Shikamaru grumbled, "I hate when people are always living in the shadow of the past."

It wasn't that they lived in the shadow of the past, Neji thought. It was that the past followed their lives like a shadow, sometimes unseen but always there. Even though the slave trade had been abolished in Suna, he and Sai had still been bought and sold; they were still considered property. Even though he personally had done nothing to the villagers of Suna, some of them would always dislike him, because of the war. And even though he had left Konoha, he still carried it with him, all that he had been there and all he had done.

Shikamaru, too, though he tried to appear unconcerned, carried the shadows. Neji could tell from the look on Shikamaru's face when he found the poem that it brought back difficult memories; that there was a part of Shikamaru that still feared he might try that again. And the failed mission, almost losing his best friend – Neji knew that shadow would be with Shikamaru, a silent traveler, the next time he went on a mission and maybe long after that.

But Shikamaru had a point as well. You couldn't escape those shadows, but it didn't mean you had to live in them always. Sometimes you could let them fade until they were almost invisible and take in the things that were not shadows…the warmth of the sun, the scent of grilled fish and flowers, the satisfaction of getting a good bargain for your box of mochi cakes, and the sweetness of an extra cake, snuck out of the box before it was wrapped up, and shared by two friends on the walk home.

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A.N.: Aahh…it's finally done (this chapter; there's lots more to the story!) Mochi cakes to everyone who leaves a review!