Chapter 23: Troublesome Emotions

Thanks to all my wonderful readers and reviewers!

MrShyRockstar, Neji arrived in Suna around the beginning of August. This chapter takes place around the beginning of December – so approximately four months have passed.

###

"She let you into her box, huh?"

"Did she touch your sword?"

"Are you sure you want to eat with commoners like us?"

Shikamaru sighed. The teasing had been going on all through lunch, ever since they arrived back in Suna. They had stopped in at the ramen shop to get a quick bite to eat, and encountered Naruto, Kiba and Sakura there. Naturally Ino and Chouji had to tell them the whole story of the tournament, and naturally everyone had to put their two cents in. There was lots of whooping, ribbing, and double entendres from his friends, interspersed with constant questioning from Ino about whether Temari had mentioned Gaara at all.

And through it all, stony silence from Neji.

Neji had been distant all morning, saying little on the ride back. At lunch, Shikamaru had tried to deflect everyone's attention from himself by talking about Neji's splendid accomplishments in winning both Pet events, but Neji had just looked uncomfortable and given terse, one-word responses. Shikamaru wasn't sure what was going on, but he thought he could guess. Neji had hated being relegated to the Pet events. Shikamaru was sure he was thinking he could have done a better job of fighting Temari and Tayuya. Maybe he would've even liked to go up against Killer Bee.

Neji had worked his ass off in the tournament to beat all the other Pets and win both events, and he had the bruises to show for it. Did he resent Shikamaru for conceding after the quarterfinal bout? Sure, Neji had seemed to understand why Shikamaru had done what he did, but that didn't mean he was happy about it.

"Time to get back to training," Sakura reminded the boys of her team.

"We should do some training as well," Neji said, getting to his feet.

"We just got back from a tournament," Shikamaru reminded him. "And you're still –" – recovering from the injuries you got, he was going to say, but was stopped by Neji's death glare.

"Maybe we should train too," Ino said, as Sakura pulled on her gloves with a determined air.

"Well, I'm going to the market," Shikamaru told her.

Ino wavered, torn between the lure of an afternoon spent shopping, and not wanting to let her rival Sakura get the best of her. Shopping won out.

"Have fun!" she said cheerily, grabbing Shikamaru's arm. Neji turned from them with an annoyed swish of his hair. Shikamaru was seized by an inexplicable urge to touch him.

"See you later," he called instead.

The three of them wandered through the market. Shikamaru was ostensibly there only to buy fish for dinner. He wanted to do something nice for Neji, to make it up to him. For now, it would be a piece of fresh fish, which he knew Neji liked. But in a few short weeks it would be the New Year, a time when gifts were traditionally given to family members. He wanted to get something really good for Neji.

But what? What Neji really wanted – his freedom – he could not give him yet, and the Hyuuga was not that interested in material things. He had been fussy about wanting "Hyuuga robes," whatever those were, at first, but in the desert heat he had gradually given those up in favor of the lighter clothes Shikamaru and the others wore. He did not care much for games, books or treats. His weapons were his hands – and of course, the sword. But to give Neji a sword would be an insult when he was meant to receive his father's sword.

"These fans are really nice," Ino said, lifting one with a coy smile. She probably thought he was shopping for Temari. But their relationship wasn't at that level yet. Most likely it never will be, he thought with a wry smile, despite his friends' teasing.

He was glad Ino was there, despite her incessant chattering and not-so-subtle hints about Temari. She loved the market and always wanted to check out every stall and storefront. Ordinarily he would have complained mightily, but today he was content to follow her, hoping for inspiration to strike.

Right now she was dragging him over to a shop window full of flowery hair ornaments, as Chouji stopped to buy some dango. "What do you think, the blue one or the red one?"

Shikamaru shrugged.

"Oh, of course, I have to figure out what color kimono I'm wearing first!"

Maybe Neji would like a formal kimono of his own, Shikamaru thought. That was a traditional New Year's gift, and Neji had never liked wearing Shikamaru's borrowed one with the Nara crest much. But that seemed kind of…boring, the kind of thing a parent would give a child.

The pungent scent of spicy pickled radish root from a vendor – something Neji would definitely not like – filled his nose as he waited for Chouji to buy sodas. They kept an eye out for Ino, who had vanished somewhere, finally tracking her down at a jewelry stall.

"Handcrafted silver," the seller boasted. "Bracelets, earrings, chains…"

Perhaps a small pair of earrings, like Shikamaru and his teammates wore? It had been their graduation gift from Asuma-sensei, and it could be more personal, and creative. He could even have them make something from his own design. But earrings would require Neji to pierce his ears, something Shikamaru was pretty sure the Hyuuga would never go for in a million years. He couldn't picture Neji wearing a bracelet or a necklace either, even one of the heavier, more masculine designs. It was not uncommon to see South Country men wearing jewelry, but most likely the North was different.

He considered telling Ino his dilemma, and enlisting her help. She was good at things like that. If he had been buying a gift for a girl, he probably would have. But Neji was…different. And the kind of thing he was looking for for Neji was very different from the small, fun gifts he and his friends usually gave each other. It was the kind of thing…well, he wouldn't dwell on it. He didn't like the thought that it was the kind of gift a Master would give a Pet. But it wasn't really the kind of gift you would give a friend or family member either.

"Oh wow, look at that!" Ino exclaimed, as they passed the tailor shop. "So pretty!" Shikamaru glanced over. She was holding up a length of pale-pink silk fabric with embroidered peonies, displayed on the table out front. "My New Year's kimono!"

"It's nice," Chouji agreed around a mouthful of dango.

Shikamaru stared, dumbstruck, as a sudden memory splashed across his mind. Neji, that first day, staring at another bolt of silk fabric, dark blue with birds…the look on his face…. He suddenly knew what his gift would be.

"Looks great, Ino!" he said jubilantly, causing her to drop the fabric and exchange a pointed look with Chouji. "Anyway," he added hastily, before she could begin questioning him, "I have to stop at the fish market."

Yoshino was surprised, and somewhat dubious, when Shikamaru brought her the fish and asked her to just steam it, plain, with some plain steamed vegetables.

"That doesn't seem good enough!"

"It's what they eat in the North, Ma."

"Well, of course, Shikamaru, but they're more backward there. How about a nice black bean sauce? With just a few chilies."

Shikamaru gave up. "Can you put it on the side, please?"

Neji enjoyed the fish, and even took some of Yoshino's spicy sauce, much to her satisfaction. He bowed and said all the requisite flowery words of thanks, which pleased her even more, before going upstairs to his room. True, he would have done that even if he had not liked the food, but Shikamaru could tell he did. It gave him a warm glow of gratification. He liked making Neji happy.

Thinking of that reminded him of his other, bigger, gift. He would go back to the tailor tomorrow, alone. They had training, so he would have to get up a little early.

###

Neji got up early the next morning and, as was now his habit, went for a run. He had gotten to know the paths and plotted out a favorite route, going uphill to the wide ledge of stone that overlooked the village, where he would usually pause for a few minutes of meditation before continuing back down.

Today, as he rounded the bend, to his surprise he saw there was a figure sitting at the highest part of the ledge, holding a rectangular tablet and writing something on it. As he drew closer, he saw that the figure was Sai, with his ever-present sketchbook, and he was drawing, not writing. He was deep in concentration and didn't seem to notice Neji's approach.

"Good morning," Neji greeted him.

Sai looked up. He was not wearing his distinctive "uniform" today, just a simple T-shirt and pants. His hair, in need of a trim, fell over his eyes. "Neji-kun," he said. "Shikamaru's Pet."

"Just Neji will do." Neji sat down next to him on the ledge to rest a moment.

Sai glanced at him, taking in Neji's bruises and scrapes. "Were you on a mission?"

"No…we were fighting in the tournament." He would never brag, of course, but a small part of him hoped Sai would ask, Did you win? so that he could answer, Yes, both parts.

"I don't fight in tournaments," Sai said. "I go on missions."

"I can't go on missions yet," Neji said, somewhat defensively. He reminded himself that Sai hadn't meant any harm. He was just stating facts. Feeling abashed, he leaned over to look at Sai's drawing. He saw the bold, graceful lines of a bird in flight, large wings circling over the canyon. Wanting a better look, he held out a hand. "May I see your work?"

A hint of emotion flickered briefly over Sai's face, before he set down the brush and handed the sketchpad to Neji. As before, Neji was struck by how evocative Sai's art was in comparison with his outward demeanor. This one depicted a desert hawk, the landscape seen from the bird's point of view. It filled the page, the wings stretching to the corners, the rocks and trails very small below. There was a sense of power and motion, of calm exultation. This hawk ruled the air, and knew it. Looking at it, Neji felt like he could live inside that flight.

As he sat gazing at the picture, a piece of paper fluttered loose from the sketchbook. Picking it up, he saw that it was a drawing of a young boy, done in pencil. The drawing was old and faded, the lines clumsier and less sure than the brush drawings Neji had seen. He looked at it questioningly.

"My brother," Sai said in a low voice.

"You have a brother?" Neji asked, surprised.

"We weren't related by blood. There were many children in Root who had lost their parents, from wars or other disasters. He looked out for me, and always complimented my drawings. He told me not to stop drawing." Sai touched the brush in his hand. "He didn't like the Root training too much. He was kind of loud and wild…and he liked to…laugh." He said the word tentatively, as if he wasn't quite sure what it meant. "His name was Shin."

"Where is he now?" Neji asked, even though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Sai was silent a moment. "He got sick, and died. Since then, I –" He broke off. It was the first time Neji had ever seen him display a strong emotion. He felt his own heart twist. Looking down, he busied himself tucking the little sketch back into the book.

As he did so, it fell open to another drawing, this one in ink and more recent looking. It was a picture of a boy fishing, standing in the river with his shirt off. There was something familiar about him.

"Can I look?" he asked, indicating the sketchbook. Sai nodded. Curiously, Neji leafed through the pages. Many of the drawings were of nature – animals, rock formations, trees. But interspersed with these were sketch after sketch of the same boy, a boy with spiky blond hair, bright eyes, and –

"Naruto," he said, realizing. "It's Naruto."

"It is Naruto-kun," Sai agreed.

"Why do you have so many pictures of Naruto?"

Sai shrugged. "I like to draw him," he said simply.

"Do you..." Neji wasn't even sure what he wanted to ask. "Do you... like him?"

"Of course. We are friends."

"Do you like him as... more than a friend?"

Sai frowned. "You mean like brothers?"

"Or like..." Neji hesitated, but nothing seemed to offend Sai. "...lovers...?"

"That's not possible," Sai said. "A Pet can have no other lovers but his Master." He said it smoothly, as if giving an answer in school.

"But..." Neji began, then stopped himself. He wanted to say, But it's not your Master you're looking at, and drawing, over and over. But what good would that do? Instead, he handed the sketchbook back to Sai. "Thank you for showing me your work."

The conversation with Sai troubled him, but he tried to push it out of his mind as he jogged back to the house. Why should it matter to him what went on between Kakashi and Sai? Sai was supposed to be focusing on missions, not drawing Naruto shirtless. He told himself that it was a mistake he would never make. He would never let emotions get in the way of his sense of purpose.

He expected Shikamaru to still be sleeping, or just awakened, when he returned, so he was surprised to see his friend fully dressed and holding a bag of sweet rolls from one of the market stalls. Yoshino must have chased him out of bed to run an errand, Neji surmised.

To his immense annoyance, the comments about Temari began again when they met up with the others at the training ground. But it was soon cut short by Ino arriving with momentous news.

"Asuma-sensei's wife is going to have a baby!"

Interesting, Neji thought, as everyone began talking at once, and they waited impatiently for the senseis to arrive. I hope it doesn't interfere with training.

###

Amazing, Shikamaru thought. Asuma-sensei is going to be a father. True, the senseis were about ten years older than their teams, and certainly experienced in battle in ways their teams were not. But they still did crazy, youthful things like daring each other to dive off the high cliffs into the deep part of the river, or playing pranks on their teams. And of course he knew Asuma was married – they had all been at the wedding – and marriage generally led to children. But it was one thing to think of that as something in the distant future, and another to have it now becoming real. It felt as if Asuma had suddenly become a real grown-up, as if he had crossed over from their generation to their parents'.

His thoughts were interrupted by a squeal from Ino. "He's coming!" The senseis appeared on the path below. Ino, being Ino, raced ahead to fling her arms around Asuma. "Congratulations! Oh, it's so exciting! I'll babysit anytime!"

Asuma's cheeks got pink and he lit up a cigarette as the rest of them crowded around eagerly. bombarding him with questions, while Kakashi stood back with an amused look.

"When's the baby due?"

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

"Did you pick a name?"

"How about…Little Naruto!" Naruto piped up brightly, earning him the usual whack from Sakura.

"Idiot! You're not the father!"

Shikamaru took advantage of this distraction to step forward and shake Asuma's hand. "Congratulations, sensei."

"Thanks," Asuma said quietly. Shikamaru could see some of his own disbelief mirrored on Asuma's face, along with happiness.

"Is your wife getting fat yet?" Sai asked in his tactless way.

"Alright, enough chitchat! Get started climbing that rock!"

For the rest of the day, they were kept too busy for much conversation. Shikamaru was immensely grateful to have the focus taken off him and his concession to Temari. But then, on their way home, as he and Neji walked across the courtyard, they were spotted by Kotetsu and Izumo.

"Hey, I heard you gave up the match to the old Kazekage's daughter!"

Shikamaru shrugged. "I just thought she had a better chance of –"

"She is beautiful," Kotetsu said with a wink. "Did you get something nice in return?"

Shikamaru was acutely conscious of Neji's displeasure at this subject. He cursed himself for not taking the longer way home, around the front. "Ahh, well, I –"

"A kiss at least?"

"Is she your girlfriend now? Are you – "

"Hey," Shikamaru interrupted, "did you know Asuma-sensei's wife is having a baby?"

"Really?" Kotetsu greatly looked up to Asuma. "Hey, that's great!"

"When?" Izumo wanted to know.

"Sometime in the spring…that's all I know." He glanced back to see if Neji had anything to add, and found his friend had already gone on into the house. But when Shikamaru followed suit, Neji was not in the kitchen, nor upstairs in Shikamaru's room. The bathroom was empty, and Shikamaru was starting to wonder, when he glanced outside and saw Neji sitting out on the hill. He splashed water on his face and went to join him. Neji was idly running his kunai along a stone, sharpening it. The distant expression was back on his face.

"Good sunset tonight," Shikamaru said by way of greeting.

"Hn."

"Wild news about Asuma, isn't it? I feel like…things change so fast."

Neji shot him a look. "For him, or for you?"

"What do you mean?"

Neji was silent.

"Are you like everyone else, wondering if I got to kiss Temari?"

"It doesn't matter to me," Neji said stiffly.

Shikamaru sighed. "Girls are so troublesome. Of course I didn't kiss her, her guards were right there. And," he admitted, "I don't even know if she wants me to." Finally, he could admit the truth. He felt completely out of his depth around Temari.

Neji scraped his knife savagely across the stone and did not respond. Shikamaru decided to press on anyway. "You must've kissed a few girls, a good-looking guy like you," he said diffidently. "Any advice?"

Neji was silent a long moment. "I can't give you any advice, Shikamaru. I have never kissed anyone."

Shikamaru was taken aback for a second. "Oh…here in Suna, you mean?"

"No…anywhere. Anyone. It has never been part of my life."

"Why not?"

###

Why not?

Neji could have given him reasons, the reasons he would have given anyone in Konoha, had they ever asked. Because I was too busy training. Because a shinobi should avoid emotional attachments. Because I had a goal, and I didn't want to be diverted. But he knew these were not the whole truth, not even close.

"Well," Shikamaru said, sounding like he was trying to lighten the mood, "maybe you'll have your first kiss here in Suna."

Against his will, Neji felt a spike of near-panic at the thought. "I thought Pets aren't allowed to kiss anyone else," he said stiffly.

"Don't hand me that crap," Shikamaru said roughly. "You're not really a Pet. You can kiss whoever you want. In fact I think Ino already likes you."

Neji shuddered. He was not in the least attracted to Ino or any of the other girls. It was ironic, he thought, that he had this freedom and didn't want it, when so many other Pets did not. Fujiko might have wanted to get to know Neji better, but he could not. Sai might want to be with Naruto, but he could not. They were considered the property of their Masters. And Naruto, the former slave – was he considered property also?

"What about Naruto?" he said aloud. "Can he – "

"You want to kiss Naruto?"

Neji felt a rush of heat suffuse his face. He could possibly picture kissing Naruto, certainly more than he could ever picture kissing Ino or Sakura. But he didn't want to say that, or even think it. "No, I meant – he's a slave, right?"

"He's a freed slave. So he can do what he pleases as far as romance. Just like you can," Shikamaru said pointedly.

"I told you, that is not part of my life. And it never will be," he added quickly, to head off any more probing.

Shikamaru stared now, his face full of questions. After a long moment he said, "Because of…what happened?"

"I don't wish to talk about it."

"Girls aren't like that, you know…they won't do that to you. Even bossy girls are soft when they like you. I know it's probably hard to trust –"

"I told you I don't –" Neji broke off sharply, hearing the ragged edge in his own voice.

Shikamaru held up a hand. "Understood. I'm sorry."

They sat in silence for a while. The sky was blood red, all the open space suffused with it.

"It's not just other people," Neji said. "I don't trust myself."

###

Shikamaru wasn't sure what he meant. Neji was one of the smartest people he knew, and he certainly wasn't a pervert like Kakashi-sensei. Why wouldn't he trust himself?

"In Konoha, I spent all my time training. I didn't really have a social life. I was never interested in that." Neji seemed to be struggling for the words. "I have only felt that way…once in my life." He broke off again, staring down at the stone he held.

Shikamaru felt a strange discomfort. He both wanted and didn't want to hear about this girl Neji had desired to kiss.

Neji swallowed convulsively, and stabbed his knife hard into the sand. The sun was almost down now, and the sand looked like it was bleeding.

"You don't have to tell me."

Neji looked up, directly at him, then away again. "The one I killed….In Otogakure."

"Kidoumaru?" Shikamaru tried to keep his tone neutral, but some of the astonishment and revulsion he felt slipped in, he was sure. Neji was so smart and beautiful – and generally, so good at reading people. How could he be attracted to a creep like Kidoumaru? Although now that he thought about it, he remembered Tayuya saying something like that. He had thought it was just lies and mind games on her part.

Neji nodded. "So I can't trus–"

"Don't think that!" Shikamaru said sharply. "Don't think that because you – felt desire or kinda liked him or whatever, that you brought it on or deserved it or that exonerates him somehow."

The shadows were lengthening. Neji stared down at the ground; Shikamaru could not see his expression.

"Look," he said, "I know Shiho likes me. I think maybe Temari-sama might, too. That wouldn't mean that I could do that to them." Just the thought made him shiver. "Temari would rightfully kill me, just like you did to Kidoumaru."

It was all so complicated. Thinking of what Neji said, he felt anger, and sadness, but he didn't know what to do with it. There was nothing really to be done; Neji had done it already. Kidoumaru was dead. But what he had done to Neji lived on. Even if Kidoumaru somehow managed to reanimate himself and appeared here on the rock, as Shikamaru half-wished he would, so he could kill him too – Shikamaru had a feeling it wouldn't change anything.

The sun was completely below the horizon now, the sky deep blue, but here and there slender wisps of clouds still caught its light, stretched across the sky like red-gold birds.

###

Neji stared up at the sky. For once he understood the allure of gazing at clouds. He wished he could just wash away all the thoughts that crowded his mind, all the desires of his body, and just float in the sky like the bird in Sai's drawing, high above it all.

Beside him, Shikamaru was sitting tensely, frowning out at the darkening town below. Neji wondered if he was disgusted by what Neji had told him, but he didn't seem to be. He couldn't really figure out what Shikamaru was feeling, though. Then it hit him, in a startling realization.

Shikamaru wanted to protect him. It was such a strange feeling to Neji that he didn't know how to take it. Since his father's death he hasn't felt that from anyone. Not his clan – they sacrificed his father to save one of their own; why wouldn't they do the same to him? Of course Gai-sensei and his teammates would have his back if he needed them; but no one, including Neji, ever thought that would be the case. They were the ones who needed him to save and protect them. Gai-sensei had taken Lee under his wing. Neji, the aloof prodigy, had been mostly left to his own devices.

"Shikamaru," Yoshino's voice called from below. "Ten minutes to dinner; come in and set the table."

Her voice shook Shikamaru from whatever dark spell he was under, and he stood up slowly, stretching his arms above his head. Neji got to his feet also.

"Listen," Shikamaru said, turning to him, "you don't have to say…that's not part of your life. Just don't build your first kiss up into something so huge that you don't even want to bother. You can have a practice kiss…that's what Ino and I did."

Neji did not intend to do this. Nevertheless, he had a question. Since he had revealed the most shameful part, he decided he had nothing to lose by asking it. "In Suna, are men ever…with other men in that way…outside the Pet system?"

"Um, well…sure," Shikamaru said, looking at Neji thoughtfully. "Not all guys are like Kidoumaru, either."

"SHIKAMARU!"

"Coming, Ma!" They started down the hill. "Hungry?"

Neji realized he was indeed quite hungry. Whatever Yoshino was cooking smelled extra spicy, as if she was determined to make up for the simplicity of last night's dinner. He realized he didn't really mind. He had enjoyed the fresh fish very much, but he was getting accustomed to South Country food.

"The stars are starting," Yoshino said, as they finished dinner.

The stars are starting? It made no sense to Neji. The stars were out every night, and always would be.

"Make sure to clean under your bed when you move it."

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru said, grabbing a couple of tangerines from the bowl on the table and tossing one to Neji before heading upstairs.

"It's a good thing we have a cat," Yoshino called after him, "or you'd have mice in that room for sure!"

Up in Shikamaru's room, Shikamaru pushed open the sliding doors to the balcony and began moving the chairs and small table that were there. Neji helped him.

"Now the bed," Shikamaru said. Neji looked at him questioningly. "We're going to push it onto the balcony," Shikamaru elaborated. This did not make it any clearer. Of course the whole bed would not fit on the balcony, just the end. Why Shikamaru wanted to sleep with his toes outdoors was anybody's guess.

"No, no, the other way," Shikamaru said, turning the bed so that they could push it onto the balcony head first. They moved it, uncovering an impressive array of stray articles of clothing, papers, dust balls, and an aged bag of chips. Shikamaru tossed the clothes into the hamper and fetched a broom.

"Why – ?" Neji began.

"My mom told me I had to clean this crap up."

"No, I mean, why is your bed on the balcony?"

"Oh yeah," Shikamaru said, brightening up and tossing the broom aside. "C'mere, I'll show you." He lay down on the bed with his head outside, patting the space next to him. Neji hesitated a moment, then lay down beside him. "Look up," Shikamaru said.

The stars were abundant and brilliant as always, but now several of them were moving, streaking across the sky. "Shooting stars," Shikamaru said.

Neji had never seen a shooting star, though he knew they existed. But he was never the type to lay about looking up at the sky. And now it was filled with them. "Why so many?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "It's the time of year for them. Make a wish."

"What?"

"On the first shooting star of the year, you make a wish. Don't you do that?"

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard, Neji thought. But looking over at Shikamaru lying there, his hair spread out on the pillow, head tipped back to gaze at the stars, his eyes wide and a little playful smile on his lips, Neji knew what he would wish for.

He couldn't allow himself to think that way, so he stared up at the sky instead. The immense, busy vastness made him feel dizzy. He closed his eyes.

Only for a moment, he told himself. He wouldn't allow himself to fall asleep in Shikamaru's bed. Go to your own bed…

###

"Go to your bed."

Shikamaru was standing in his room, but he was a young boy, only about four or five years old, dressed in his pajamas rather than the boxers he now wore to sleep in. His bed was by the window, pulled half outside to see the shooting stars, and there was another young boy sitting on it, looking out. He had long hair, tied near the end, and wide light eyes. Shikamaru recognized him immediately.

"Neji!" He clambered up onto the bed next to his friend. Neji turned and gave him a sweet, excited smile.

"Come on!" He stood up on the bed and took Shikamaru's hand. The stars outside were so brilliant he could not see the courtyard below, and so thick they formed a kind of path. Neji held firmly to Shikamaru's hand as the two of them walked out along the path of stars. The stars were rough and solid under their feet, and warm, like the stones of the desert which still had a lingering heat after the sun went down. It seemed very natural to be walking on them.

A little further on, the path narrowed and the stars seemed to form a kind of shelf which they climbed up on. Far below they could see the lights of a village.

"That's my house," Neji said, pointing with pride.

Shikamaru peered down. The village below appeared clearer now, even though it was night. He could see many box-shaped houses clustered together, in shades of red, blue and orange, criss-crossed with electrical wires overhead and interspersed with leafy green trees everywhere. It looked crowded and busy and completely fascinating. Shikamaru felt a thrill of excitement at seeing it all.

"Wow," he said. Neji squeezed his hand.

Shikamaru opened his eyes, feeling a sense of loss and disappointment. He wanted to dive back into the world of the dream. Had that really been a glimpse into the North Country? Had he seen Neji's house and village? And Neji himself – he had been so sweet and friendly in the dream. Was that what he had actually been like, before Orochimaru dragged him through hell and turned him into the hard, wary person he was now. Shikamaru's heart ached to think of it.

He sat up, resting his chin on his knees. He was sleeping on Neji's futon, since Neji had fallen asleep in his bed again. Of course there was room enough in the bed for both of them, but he didn't think Neji would be comfortable with that.

A vague feeling of sadness hung over him. He knew what it was; something he had tried to push to the back of his mind, with limited success.

Since the first day he made his offer to buy Neji as a Pet, he had dreamed of the day he would come of age and be able to set Neji free. It would mean Neji would walk by his side as an equal. The Pet Mark and all it signified would be gone. It would mean Neji could return to his home, his family, and claim his father's sword and everything else that was rightfully his.

But…it would also mean he would never see Neji again.

He didn't want to feel this; this…ambivalence, this heaviness of heart. He was a shinobi. He should be able to do what was right and not let troublesome emotions get in the way. But somehow, in the four short months he had been here, Neji had made an indelible impression on Shikamaru's life. He was impressed by Neji, intrigued by him; Neji was one of his closest friends and constantly in his thoughts. The thought of life without Neji there seemed unimaginably bleak and boring. And yet Shikamaru knew he had to let Neji go. To do anything else would go against everything he and his entire clan believed in. He would be less of a Nara, less of a shinobi, less of a man, if he did not do the right thing. There was no other way.

Shikamaru knew what his shooting-star wish would be. He wished for a moment, just a moment, where he could stop everything, go and put his arms around Neji and sit with him. A moment outside time and space where Otogakure didn't exist, there were no Pets or Masters, and they didn't come from warring lands thousands of miles apart.

He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them, gazing at Neji's sleeping form. The moon was high in the sky now and he could see Neji clearly. He looked a long time, trying to memorize every line, every plane and shadow, of Neji's face and body, until it was burned into his memory, as bright and infinite as the stars outside.

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