Chapter 24 – New Year

A.N.: Hey, everybody! Yes, I finally updated! Sorry for the long wait, but this is an extra-long chapter to make up for it!

###

The beginning of December brought the shooting stars. Shikamaru always liked that. The end of December brought the New Year's holidays, and Shikamaru really liked that. It was just the middle of December he disliked.

December 13, to be exact. That was the traditional day to begin preparing for the New Year by cleaning and getting everything in order, and his mother approached it with the gusto of a tanuki digging out a den of mice.

"Shikamaru, I need you to wash all the windows…clean the bathrooms…dust all the alcoves…hang this basket of laundry…tidy up your closet…polish this table…" and on and on, in a neverending litany of chores that always ended with the same admonition:

"And don't ask Neji to do your work for you. He's an honored guest, not your servant!"

"Okay, Ma, I know," Shikamaru grumbled. "You don't have to tell me all the time." And in truth, although he would have loved to unload his chores onto somebody else, that somebody would not have been Neji. He couldn't picture the elegant Hyuuga scrubbing a bathroom or mucking out the stables.

Neji, however, was almost as insistent as his mother, nagging Shikamaru about missing training.

"I had a hundred chores to do," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Well, let me help you," Neji said for at least the twentieth time, a slight edge creeping into his voice.

Shikamaru compromised by bringing him along when he had to run errands. He liked having Neji's company, and shopping wasn't the type of chore that would make it seem like Neji was a servant. And there were plenty of errands – in addition to her seemingly endless chore list, Yoshino had an equally endless shopping list of decorations, cards, gifts, cleaning supplies and, above all, food ingredients for the three days of feasting that started the year.

Everyone in the compound was busy cleaning, polishing and sharpening their weapons, putting new shoes on the horses. There were bins out front for outgrown or worn clothing, which would be donated to the poor. A large firepit had been set up in the center of the courtyard, where old brooms, rakes, scrolls and clothing too ragged to give away would be burned on New Year's Eve.

Crossing the yard, they ran into Ino dumping out a bucket of water, her hair tied up in a scarf. "Catfish, catfish!" she called to Shikamaru. He laughed and wiggled his fingers in front of his face like whiskers. Neji stared at him quizzically, and Shikamaru explained. It went back to when he, Ino and Chouji were little kids. To motivate them to tidy up for New Year's, Yoshino had told them to be like the catfish that cleans the river bottom. Over the years it had become a running joke between them. He hoped Neji wasn't thinking it was too ridiculous.

###

Neji thought the whole thing somewhat strange, but mostly he just felt awkwardly excluded, as he had for much of the past week, when the Naras wouldn't allow him to help with any of the New Year preparations. Shikamaru had explained the "catfish" joke, but it wasn't his history and it wasn't his joke. He would have felt foolish waving his fingers in front of his face like that.

The market was even more crowded than usual, with several new stalls selling year-end merchandise, and people everywhere rushing about, preparing for the holiday. At a fruit sellers, Shikamaru filled a bag with something he said were persimmons, though they did not resemble any persimmon Neji had ever seen. They were dark brown, rather than the bright orange of Konoha persimmons, and smaller. Shikamaru cut a slice and gave it to Neji to taste. It had a sweeter, cinnamon taste, not like the tart ones he was used to.

"Do you have the year-end market like this in your village?" Shikamaru asked curiously.

"Yes…but…it's different…" Like the persimmons, many things were similar, but nothing was the same. And many other things were completely unfamiliar. He had never given much thought to the New Year foods, but now he found himself looking for his favorites – like the chestnut cakes stamped with the good fortune kanji – and not finding them. No cooking was supposed to be done on the first three days of the year – even Neji, who never cooked, knew that. In Konoha there would be elaborate bentos with an array of preserved foods. Here he saw many dried things everywhere dusted with the ubiquitous chili powder, including, most disgustingly, scorpions. The kadomatsu decorations made of lush greenery and plum branches in Konoha were here mostly bamboo, and circular. The paper lobsters hung in Konoha to bring long life – because the lobster's curved back was said to look like an old person's – were replaced by clay figures of turtles and a small spiny animal Shikamaru said was an armadillo.

Deidara waved to them from a table of these. He was dressed in a bright red kimono with his nails painted, and was enthusiastically hawking his wares.

"True art! Excellent explosions!"

"Explosions?" Neji repeated, bemused. There were no explosions in Konoha at the New Year.

"These have firecrackers inside, for your New Year's celebration, yeah," Deidara said, winking at them. Neji studied Deidara's creations, animals and birds in various poses. He did have a distinctive style; the artistry was superior to most of the other vendors. Neji thought it would be a shame to blow them up.

Shikamaru picked out some exploding centipedes, and he and Deidara haggled vigorously over the price. Neji was surprised by this, as Deidara's Master was a rich man. When Shikamaru had finished his purchase and moved on, he leaned over the table to ask the same question Fujiko had asked him.

"Are you trying to buy your freedom?"

Deidara laughed out loud at this, as if Neji had said something outlandish. "Why the hell would I want to do that?" Looking from Neji over to Shikamaru, he gave a knowing smirk and flicked his pink tongue out. "Still not satisfied, yeah? I told you, get Master Jiraiya to give him some instruction."

Neji felt his face get hot, and he hurried away to join Shikamaru, who had stopped at a table of small cat statues with paws raised in greeting. "My mom collects these lucky nekos; I'll get her one." Moving on, they headed for a spice seller to get something Shikamaru called "Spice of Life."

"Let me guess, it's hot peppers, hot peppers, and more hot peppers."

"Not just that. It's got salt, and spices…you put it on anything and it makes it taste good." He held out the bag, and Neji dipped the tip of one finger into the dark reddish mixture. It was, indeed, spicy, but very good.

"Even scorpions," Shikamaru said with a grin.

Neji shuddered at that. "No."

Sakura waved to them from across the road, where she was buying a new kimono with her mother. She held it up to show them: red with a fan design.

"Think I'll be prettier than Ino?"

Shikamaru snorted. "I'm not getting in the middle of that. Girls," he muttered to Neji. "Are they this ridiculous in your village?"

Neji shook his head, but really, he realized, he didn't know. Tenten certainly wasn't concerned with being pretty – at least not around him. But did he really know what she did in her personal life? And other than her, the only girls he really associated with were his cousins. Hyuugas were only allowed to wear the standard black and white robes. Hanabi complained about it; Hinata never did, but he had once caught her looking longingly at a pale lilac holiday kimono with a pattern of cherry blossoms. He had made some disparaging remark about how frivolous it was. Now he thought that she probably would have looked nice in it.

They made their final purchase – new brooms and rakes tied up with red and white cord. "A new broom sweeps clean," the seller said, repeating the old adage. Neji thought he would need a cartload of brooms to sweep away the past year. Trudging back to the Nara house, his heart felt as heavy as the packages he carried.

###

Shikamaru shifted the rakes he carried from one shoulder to the other. They were heavy, but he didn't mind. He was looking forward to New Year's. The work would finally be over, and there was noodle-cutting, and the bonfire on the Eve. He hoped his mother didn't mind the fireworks-laden centipedes too much. Then on New Year's Day his grandparents would be coming, and there was a big banquet with all three clans together, lots of good food, and a party later with his friends.

The only dark cloud on his horizon – besides the two more days of non-stop chores – was Neji. The Hyuuga had been aloof and prickly all week. More than that, all month, actually. Shikamaru had a feeling it went back to that cursed tournament.

Did Neji see Shikamaru as a spoiled rich kid who could take the prize money or leave it, while Neji needed it to pay off his debt? It wasn't at all how Shikamaru saw it, of course. He had no chance of beating Bee, and probably would have lost to Tayuya as well, which would have looked bad for his village. And he didn't give a fig for the money Neji supposedly owed him. Neji wasn't his property and didn't owe him anything. He didn't care what the Pet papers said.

But Neji did.

He hoped that the holiday celebrations – and in particular, his special gift to Neji – would ease some of that and make things right between them again.

New Year's Eve dawned bright and sunny, with just the right amount of clouds in the sky. Shikamaru took this as a very good omen. When his mother came with the shopping list, he cheerfully accepted it, which caused her to raise an eyebrow. She was too busy herself, however, to dwell on it.

"I can come with you," Neji offered.

"That's not necessary," Shikamaru said quickly. He had a special stop to make, one that he couldn't include Neji in. "You know it'll be a madhouse of people, and you hate crowds."

"I don't mind."

"Really, I don't have that much to do – you can use the time to train, or just hang out." He hurried away, leaving Neji looking after him with a little frown.

He felt a little guilty rebuffing Neji like that, but hopefully Neji would forgive him when he saw the gift. Anyway, Neji could use the time to train. He never seemed to get sick of training.

###

Neji watched Shikamaru walk away, before heading slowly in the direction of the training areas. In truth, he was sick of training alone.

For the past couple of weeks the Naras had been preparing for the holidays, cleaning the house from top to bottom. His offers to help had been politely rejected, time and again. He had thought he could assist with the errands, at least, but Shikamaru had seemed anxious to be rid of him. Well, he supposed that was understandable. This was the most festive time of the year; it was a family time, and each clan had its own traditions. Why would they want an outsider there, a person from the North? Although he lived with the Naras, and even on occasion had worn the Nara crest, he knew it was only due to their charity. Never had he felt so keenly that he was not truly part of the family.

It wasn't even that he wanted so much to go to the market. As Shikamaru said, he didn't really like the crowds, with their often unfriendly stares, and there was nothing he needed to buy. In Konoha, he had not had occasion to go to the shopping areas much. Sometimes his uncle would ask him to accompany his cousins. Hinata always acted apologetic about that, but Hanabi never minded dragging Neji to various shops to buy hair ornaments or candy or year-end children's toys. Traditionally, boys got kites and girls got badminton racquets stamped with cute designs. Hanabi had driven him crazy with her inability to make up her mind which one she wanted. Hinata had made her choice without too much fuss, always stealing nervous glances at Neji as if she didn't want to risk his irritation. The year she turned twelve, he remembered, he had sneered at her for wanting one, telling her it was foolish at her age. He recalled her bowed head, the way she had returned it to the shelf without a word.

Her teammate's words came back to him: He's so cruel to you, Hinata. You'll be torn to bits.

And she almost had been. But for the intervention of the others, he might have killed her. As if it was yesterday, he could recall vividly the rage, the pain he had felt that day. And the guilt – the guilt he had not allowed himself to feel.

A hot dry breeze blew across his face. It should not be hot at New Year's, he thought, with people in shorts and sandals. The weather would be chilly in Konoha now, everyone bundled up against the winter wind, and maybe even a dusting of snow. There would be bundles of greenery at the doorways, and colored lanterns hung festively along the streets.

What would his clan be doing right now? Probably getting ready to visit the shrine, to say their end-of-year prayers and ask for good fortune in the New Year. Neji's prayer was always the same – to get better, to succeed. And he always did. He was first in his class, a prodigy in both sword and hand-to-hand combat, a success in everything.

Except, of course, the one thing he really wanted. He had had to grow up too fast, losing both his parents. In his mind, if he could only become head of the Forces, it would make up for what he had lost.

But of course it could not.

No matter how cruelly he treated Hinata, she never struck back. She was intimidated by him; sometimes she avoided him, but sometimes she tried to be kind.

Because she felt sorry for you. Like the Naras do as well. Poor little orphan Neji, just a Branch House member…just a Pet…

Were his cousins happier without him there this year?

On New Year's Day, the entire Hyuuga clan sat down for the formal banquet. The elders would all take a turn speaking, and then the younger ones would be called before them to give their New Year's resolutions. Hinata, as the heir, was always grilled much more than Neji. He had been both glad and resentful of that.

No matter how much he might despise the class system and have no use for the long-winded speeches…still, there was something splendid about seeing the whole clan together, all dressed in their formal robes. The Hyuugas, the oldest, grandest clan in Konoha. They were known for being reserved, proud, and powerful. Everyone respected them.

Would they notice he was gone? Or was he dead to them now? He sped up his training moves, trying to shake that thought from his mind.

Then, in the afternoon, Gai-sensei would gather his team to give them an inspirational speech. Neji had always inwardly rolled his eyes, but he couldn't deny there was something stirring about it as well. When Gai rhapsodized about them being in the flower of their youth, or exhorted them to always do better than their best, with that fire in his eyes, Neji could feel something being kindled in himself as well, renewing his determination to learn more, grow stronger, run faster. Of course, he could live without the inevitable tears and hugging that came after the speech.

After that, they would have training, to start the year off right. It would be a short training, only two or three hours, because it was a holiday.

Gai sensei would have to give this speech to only Lee and Tenten this year. Would they miss him? He could imagine his name being used as a motivational point: Without Neji, we have to be even better!

He wondered if they had replaced him on the team.

He just had to get through this day, he told himself, and the two or three after that. Then it would all be over. He had never liked the holidays that much, but now he was actively dreading them.

###

Shikamaru had always liked the holidays, but he was especially excited for this one. In his mother's bedroom, where Neji wouldn't find him, he carefully wrapped his gift for Neji. He was supposed to be scrubbing the kitchen floor, so he had to be quick.

He had gone back to the tailor shop the morning after they visited the market with the intention of having a kimono made from the silk fabric with the cranes Neji had admired. Unfortunately – "That cloth was sold," the tailor told him. "You can look around in the back, see if there's anything else you like."

Shikamaru had felt a sharp disappointment. He had been so sure he had finally found the perfect gift for Neji. Looking at the other bolts of cloth did not improve things. Most of them were feminine-looking floral patterns. There were some more masculine-looking ones, with dragons or bamboo canes, but he did not feel particularly inspired by any of them.

"Any with…birds?" he asked, hoping to find something at least close.

The tailor pulled out a bolt of peach silk which featured a pattern of what looked like thoroughly-domesticated looking quails walking about in someone's courtyard. Not at all what he wanted to convey.

"Or how about this one?" The tailor hoisted a length of vivid red, splashed with flowers in every color of the rainbow.

"Uhhh…where's the birds?"

The tailor indicated a small songbird in one of the branches.

Shikamaru sighed. He was about to give up on the whole thing, maybe get Neji a shogi set or something, when his eye was caught by a print in the very back, high on a shelf. It was a dusky indigo blue, with rough, wild birds rising to the sky from what appeared to be either a gnarled tree or a kneeling figure. From a distance the birds resembled calligraphy done by a master in the casual, graceful sweep of their lines. When the tailor brought it down, however, Shikamaru saw that it was actually very fine embroidery, with thin glints of reddish gold on the feathers of the birds, as if the setting sun had caught them. The figure, he saw, was an ancient scrub pine, its branches extended as if praying, or wishing to join the birds in flight. Here too the work was exquisite, with a single thread depicting each individual needle in varying shades of deep greens and browns. In the background were mountains.

Shikamaru stood looking at it for several minutes, mesmerized. It was perfect.

The finished kimono had come out even better than he had envisioned. He re-tied the bow for the third time. It didn't look anywhere near as elegant as the ones his mother wrapped. He could have enlisted her help, or asked Ino – she was also good at that sort of thing and would always add a sprig of flowers or some other decorative touch. But for some reason he wanted to keep this more private. He had told his parents that he had gotten a formal kimono for Neji, but not what it looked like. He knew they probably imagined it being plain black silk, like their family ones, only without the Nara crest. Of course, they would all see Neji wearing it – if he liked it. Shikamaru was a little nervous about that part. Neji generally favored only black and white clothing.

At his mother's desk, he found some ink and a card. He wrote Neji's name and stamped the card with the Nara crest. From downstairs, he heard her calling him again. He quickly set the package on Neji's desk and slipped out.

###

Neji jogged slowly back down the path toward the Nara house. Trying to clear his mind through training, running and more meditation had not worked at all. He took the back way, not wanting to see anyone.

It was New Year's Eve, a time for reflecting on the year, honoring your ancestors, settling all debts, making amends and reconciling quarrels so that you could start the New Year fresh. He could do none of that. He could not visit his parents' graves, or ask Hinata's forgiveness for the way he had treated her. He had no chance of settling his enormous debt to the Naras before the New Year. He had never had debts before, or anything serious to atone for. Now, he knew, he would not be starting the New Year with honor.

In Shikamaru's bathroom, he splashed water on his face, then went into his small room to change into a clean shirt. On the desk was a largish package tied with red ribbon. A card bore his name in Shikamaru's handwriting, and the Nara seal. Puzzled, he lifted it and pulled the ribbon loose. A cascade of heavy silk and embroidery tumbled out. He stared at it uncomprehendingly. Lifting it up, he saw that it was a kimono. For a minute he could not take it in – the lustrous, obviously costly material, the pattern of wild birds rising against a vast, infinite landscape. He felt overwhelmed by some nameless strong emotion.

"Oh, you found it," Shikamaru's lazy voice came from the doorway.

"What…is this?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "It's no big deal…it's traditional to give gifts at New Year's, and also to get new clothes, so…two birds with one stone…so to speak…"

Shikamaru's awkward joke and dismissive tone set Neji's nerves on edge. "How can you say it's not a big deal? I know this was expensive!"

"That doesn't matter," Shikamaru said, sounding uncomfortable, as he always did when money was discussed.

"It matters to me," Neji said, more sharply than he intended. "The New Year is supposed to be a time to settle all debts. I still owe you so much, and now –"

"It's a gift, Neji. You don't owe me for it."

"I didn't get you a gift."

"You don't have to."

"Why?" Neji snapped. "Because I'm just a Pet?"

"Would you stop that crap?" Shikamaru said, sounding angry now as well. "You're not a Pet, and you know it."

"I'm not a free man. I can't fight in the real tournament. I'm not part of your family. I'm just some – doll to be dressed up, apparently."

"What?"

"Shikamaru," Yoshino's voice sounded from below, "did you put your clean laundry away?"

"Yeah," Shikamaru barked back, even though he had done nothing more than dump it on his bed.

"Then come down here and finish cleaning the kitchen floor!"

Shikamaru turned to go. "Whatever, screw it, Neji," he said roughly. "It's a gift. If you don't want it, put it in the bins out front for the poor."

Neji stood still. He realized he was shaking. He couldn't look at the kimono, at the birds exploding into flight. It filled him with a terrible ache he could not understand.

He felt he could not stay in the room another minute. But he didn't want to go downstairs, to where Shikamaru and Yoshino were griping at each other, or outside, with the bustle of activity and Chouji and Ino with their calls of Catfish, catfish! He headed for the door at the end of the hall that led up to the roof. There was a small flat lookout area up there, he knew.

But it was no better up on the roof. He stood looking out over the town, trying to clear his mind and be focused and unemotional, as a shinobi should. The ubiquitous brown and gold of the Suna landscape threatened to overwhelm him.

He could not get the image of those birds out of his mind.

I don't want expensive gifts. I just want –

But he didn't even really know what he wanted, or how to put it into words. And he had been so unforgivably rude to Shikamaru. Shikamaru had tried not to show it, but Neji knew he had really hurt his friend.

What was wrong with him?

###

What the hell was up with Neji, Shikamaru wondered aggrievedly, as he scrubbed the kitchen floor with more force than was really necessary. And what had he done wrong?

Probably everything. Neji did not go for fancy clothes; Shikamaru should have known he would never wear anything like that. And he was hyper-sensitive about the debt he supposedly owed the Naras, even though Shikamaru didn't care about that and never would.

He had hoped the gift would repair some of the distance he had felt between them. He didn't know how else to fix it, what to do or say. But now he saw it had been the exact wrong thing. Neji deeply resented being a Pet. Shikamaru had not thought the kimono looked feminine, like something a Pet would wear – but Neji obviously did. He had not meant the gift to be like something a Master would give a Pet.

But maybe it was.

Would other people see it that way as well, he wondered; would they think he thought of Neji that way? He felt himself flush with shame. He had been an idiot. As Ino always said, it was a good thing he didn't have a girlfriend, or he would be in trouble all the time.

He wished now he could take it back; wished he had never gotten it in the first place. He should have gotten Neji a small joke gift like he did for his other friends – an exploding clay frog or box of preserved fruits. But of course it had been custom-made, so he could not return it. He had told Neji to put it into the bins out front, but in truth the thought of seeing someone else wearing it made his stomach twist. Maybe he could sneak it out of the house and burn it – not in the communal bonfire, of course – but up in the hills somewhere.

Sunlight on his face told him he had reached the last row of tiles. Gratefully, he stood up and stretched, then carried the bucket outside to empty the dirty water into Yoshino's small flower bed. It wasn't easy to keep flowers growing in the desert, but his mother did the best she could.

Yoshino was pulling the last load of laundry from the line, folding it quickly, and tossing it into a large wicker basket. Every piece of clothing, every sheet, towel, tablecloth and napkin, even the dusting rags, had been washed. "Don't forget to sweep the steps," she called to Shikamaru, never pausing in her movements.

"Yeah, yeah." Shikamaru reached inside the door to get the broom.

"Don't use the indoor broom outside!"

"What does it matter? They're all going to be burned anyway." But he did as she told him, then helped her carry the baskets of laundry to the house.

"Is that Neji up on the roof?" Yoshino said, squinting upward. Shikamaru looked up as well. The figure on the roof was turned away from them, so they could not see his face, but there was no mistaking Neji's long hair.

"Ah, poor thing," Yoshino said, clucking her tongue in sympathy. "He must be missing his family, being so far away from home at the holidays."

Shikamaru stopped dead, still staring up at Neji. How could he have not realized that? Of course, New Year's was a family time. He had been so caught up in wanting to show Neji the South Country New Year's, and planning his special gift, that he had given no thought to how Neji must be feeling. And, he realized guiltily, he had probably made it worse by pushing Neji aside while he did all his jobs. He had wanted to treat Neji as an honored guest, like his grandparents. He would never have dreamed of asking them to help with cleaning the house. But his grandparents were old, and they generally arrived after most of the preparations were done. They were content to sit and drink tea while Yoshino bustled about. Neji, as he well knew, hated to be idle.

Something about Neji's stance, the way he was pressed against the rail staring fixedly down at the ground, sent a sudden cold chill down Shikamaru's back. An image splashed across his mind; his bathroom filled with blood, Neji's chalk-white face as he lay there…

Hastily, he shoved the basket of laundry into the open kitchen door, and raced up the stairs to the roof.

###

Neji gripped the railing and looked down.

"Hey," Shikamaru's voice said behind him. Neji turned. Shikamaru was looking at him with that hyper-alert expression, sizing him up as he had done on that day he found Neji had killed Kidoumaru. It unsettled Neji. Had he been that ungracious?

Feeling ashamed and remorseful, he made a deep bow. "Shikamaru, I apologize for my unspeakable rude – "

Shikamaru held up a hand. "Save that for my mom. What are you doing?"

"I…" Neji did not know what to say. What was he doing?

Shikamaru came nearer, leaning against the railing near Neji. "I guess you must be feeling homesick, huh?" he said quietly.

"Yes," Neji said, surprised. Yes, that was exactly what he had been feeling, he realized. He just hadn't put a name to it. "I…I didn't expect it."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "You didn't expect to miss your family?"

"No, I…I never thought about the holidays that much…until now. I never thought…it meant that much to me." All of it…my family, my team, my village… He wasn't sure why. Looking back, he had never thought he felt happy there. And yet…now he missed it all as sharply as if his arm had been sliced off.

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru was saying, "you can't be there. I wish I had the power to set you free sooner. And I'm sorry if we made you feel shut out. My mom didn't want to treat you like a servant. But I guess all of this cleaning and stuff, this is what you'd be doing now back in your village."

"Well…no," Neji admitted. "The servants do that."

Shikamaru snorted out a laugh, which he hastily tried to cover up. Neji could not help a small smile as well.

"But if your family is working, I can work too. You don't have to treat me like –" Suddenly remembering his harsh, horrible words from before, he broke off, mortified.

He could see that Shikamaru remembered as well, as he looked away from Neji and took a step back. "Listen," Shikamaru said, his tone overly casual, "don't worry about…wearing that. I know it's not your style. Like I said, you can just put it –"

"No!" Emotion surging through him, Neji grabbed Shikamaru's arm. "Shikamaru. It is exactly my style." Shikamaru was staring at him in surprise. "I know that I…I was really rude about it. It just – " – it felt like you could see inside my soul, and I didn't know what to do with that. But he couldn't say that. He said the other part, which was also true. "I just didn't know about – in my village, we don't give gifts at New Year's – and I didn't give you anything."

"Neji." Shikamaru turned his arm so that he could grasp Neji's hand. "Don't ever think that. You've given me so much. Not just the sword training – although that's been amazing. I would never have made it to the quarterfinals of that tournament if you hadn't taught me, Neji; I would have been out in the first round."

Shikamaru was holding his hand. It almost distracted Neji completely from what he was saying for a second.

"But more than that…Neji, I always wanted, someday, to see the world, to know what other places are like…and meeting you, hearing about your country, getting to know you…well, we're not so different after all. Before it was just an idea, but…now I feel a connection to the other part of the world…if that makes any sense…"

Neji nodded slowly. Shikamaru was still holding his hand. The golden light of late afternoon touched his face, glinting off the small earring he wore. He was staring at Neji with a strange intensity that Neji could not read at all.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. It was not a question one person in Konoha would ask another, but people were more direct here, and he really wanted to know.

###

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking you look so beautiful right now.

But of course Shikamaru couldn't say that, not after the way Neji had reacted to possibly being thought of as a Pet. And a guy didn't tell another guy he was beautiful. "….I…ah…nothing in particular…What are you thinking?"

###

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking I want you to do more than just hold my hand.

But of course he couldn't say that, not after the way he had acted before. Shikamaru was just being friendly, feeling bad for Neji missing his family. Hadn't he just said he wished he could let Neji go right now?

"Is that you up on the roof, Shikamaru?" Yoshino's voice cut the through the air, carrying up from where she stood. "Did you finish all your chores?"

"Come on," Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes. "You can help me 'rake the sand out front into a pleasing pattern.' I vote we do a monkey."

"A monkey?" Neji repeated, a little relieved to have the spell broken. "Do you think I'm Sai or Deidara, one of those artistic Pets? You'll be lucky if I can make a straight line."

He followed Shikamaru down the stairs and out to the front, where they managed to rake the sand into a lopsided approximation of waves. Neji added a couple of smooth stones that he felt had a pleasing look.

"Shikamaru! It's time!"

It was Ino this time, beckoning to Shikamaru from the doorway. He brightened visibly. "Come on, Neji, this is something everyone has to help with."

"Are we going to the shrine? Shouldn't we bathe first?"

"No, we go to the shrine tomorrow, when it's not so crowded."

Neji was a little taken aback at that. Shikamaru looked worried for a moment, like he was thinking of changing his plans to make a special trip for Neji's sake. "That's fine," he said hastily, before Shikamaru could speak.

"Time to cut noodles!" Ino announced, taking Shikamaru's arm. She smiled at Neji as well, but she had apparently learned her lesson about grabbing him, and now maintained a respectful distance.

"Cutting noodles?" Neji repeated, feeling somewhat lost.

"You don't eat toshikoshi soba on New Year's?" Ino said.

"We eat the end-of-year noodles, but…why would you cut them?"

Shikamaru and Ino exchanged a puzzled glance.

"The soba is supposed to be long, for long life," Neji elaborated.

"Ahh," Shikamaru said, raising his eyebrows in amused understanding. "We don't cut the noodles up into little pieces. We cut the dough to make the noodles." He gave Neji a nudge and a little grin. "Like your servants do."

Neji flushed slightly, but it was true – the Hyuuga servants probably did make the soba. Either that or his uncle ordered it from one of the nicer noodle shops.

They placed the rakes with the old brooms in the circular firepit. Neji started to head back to the house, to the Nara kitchen, but was pulled along by Shikamaru and Ino through the courtyard and into the large communal kitchen, where the cooks generally prepared meals for the shinobi forces. Today, the cooks had been allowed to go home early to be with their own families for the holiday, and the kitchen had been taken over by the Nara, Yamanaka and Akimichi clans in a whirlwind of cooking activity. The long table where the men ate was bare, save for a huge bamboo bowl, bigger around than Chouji. Chouza, Chouji's father, stood before it, elbow-deep in flour, with Chouji beside him pouring in a little water from an earthenware pitcher. Chouza indicated with a nod that Chouji could stop pouring, then kneaded the dough for several minutes while everyone watched intently.

"A little more, I think. The buckwheat is thirsty today."

Neji found himself as mesmerized as everyone else seemed to be. Eventually the bowl of damp brownish flour coalesced into a smooth round ball the size of a large pumpkin. Chouza dumped this out on the table, setting the bowl carefully aside, and flattened it down with a couple of mighty whacks from his massive hands. Shikamaru and Chouji went to a cabinet and fetched what looked like a large club, taller than their heads. They laid this across the ball of dough and, each taking an end, began rolling it back and forth, spreading out the mound of dough. It looked to be hard work; with their heads down and their muscles straining, they reminded Neji of plow horses he had seen in the fields outside of Konoha.

Shikamaru looked up at Neji. "Wanna take a turn?" He showed Neji how to place his hands, pushing rather than gripping the roller. It was more complicated than it looked, Neji found; he had to maintain an even pressure and at the same time keep up with Chouji, who was much stronger and surer. But he managed not to disgrace himself or the Naras, earning him an approving clap on the back from Chouza. When they had rolled it out into a lumpy oval shape, Chouza stepped in, moving the roller expertly this way and that until at last the dough was a smooth rectangular sheet covering the surface of the table.

Ino spread the surface of the dough with fine powdery flour, as Chouza went to where the knives hung and selected one that looked big enough to take a person's head off. He used this to cut the dough into two halves, then with great ceremony folded each half over upon itself again and again, until there were two stacks of layered soba dough, one on either end of the table.

Loud cries of greeting heralded the arrival of Naruto and Iruka. Neji supposed they had been included in this family occasion because they had no family of their own. Shikamaru had told him Iruka's parents had both been killed in the war between North and South, so Neji always felt a little uncomfortable around him, although Iruka didn't appear to bear a grudge. Naruto raced over to the noodle-cutting table, while Iruka joined the men, who were clustered around a wide bowl in the corner, beating something with large sticks.

"What are they doing?" Neji whispered to Shikamaru.

"Pounding mochi. You don't have that for New Year's?"

They did, in fact, have mochi for New Year's in the North, but Neji had never actually seen it being made. He had never given much thought to the traditional foods, or realized how much work it took to make them.

While the men pounded the mochi and the young people cut noodles, the women were busy cooking. Chouji's large, jovial mother scraped finished mochi from another bowl, while Yoshino fired up a wok. The third mother, Mrs. Yamanaka, was quieter and calmer than the others, in contrast to her bossy, excitable daughter. She was cutting vegetables into flower shapes. At the stove, Yoshino's hands moved like quick birds, slipping cubes of tofu into the hot oil, where they turned golden and crisp. It was very warm in the kitchen, even with the three large ceiling fans turning at full speed. But despite the heat and hard work, everyone seemed to be in high spirits. There was much laughter and ribald joking about whose noodles would be the longest.

Mrs. Akimichi rolled the mochi around a blob of what looked like red bean paste, and held up the finished product for her husband to see.

"Perfect…like a baby's bottom," Chouza said approvingly, scooping it from her palm to swallow it in one happy gulp. "And delicious!" Mrs. Akimichi swatted him with a dish towel and resumed making the mochi cakes, setting them on a huge tray.

"They're round," Neji said in slight surprise. Konoha mochi were square-shaped, and larger.

"Yeah, everything's round here," Shikamaru said. "It's a more… natural shape. Is yours square like the houses?"

"Your house is square?" Mrs. Akimichi said. "Your poor mother, all those corners to clean!"

Yoshino looked stricken, and hurried to Mrs. Akimichi's side to whisper in her ear. "Ahh," Mrs. Akimichi said, gazing at Neji with pity. "I am so sorry. May the spirits of your parents –"

"Hey, I'm an orphan too!" Naruto piped up, giving his most winning smile. "Can we orphans get an early taste of cake?"

"Naruto!" Iruka chastised him, but Mrs. Akimichi scooped up a couple of pieces with an indulgent smile and tossed them to Naruto and Neji. Naruto popped his into his mouth instantly. Neji, not much of a sweets-lover, took a small bit to be polite and shared the rest with Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Now you're making me look bad, Neji," Naruto complained with his mouth full.

When the noodles had all been cut and arranged on a tray for cooking later, and the mochi had all been pounded, Chouza produced a bottle of sake and they all, even the young people, had a celebratory drink. Then everyone headed outside to where the firepit was set up. All the old brooms, rakes, practice swords, broken doors, and any other worn-out thing that would burn were arranged in a pile, resting on a bed of dried pine boughs. Several of the shinobi force men were standing around it; by the looks of things, they had already imbibed a fair amount of sake as well.

"Sweet mochi cakes on the shelf; good things are sure to come," Shikaku called to them. There were yells of agreement. "We thank these tools for serving us faithfully. Now let all the troubles and cares of the past year rise up like smoke." He lit a match and touched it to the pine branches. Within minutes the fire was roaring. Neji felt the heat of it on his face.

With a mischievous grin, Shikamaru produced his stash of exploding clay centipedes and showed them to Chouji and Naruto, who whooped in approval. He handed them around and they all lobbed them into the fire and watched eagerly to see what would happen. For several minutes, nothing. Then, just as Neji was silently cursing Deidara for disappointing his friend, there were a series of extremely loud blasts, and then a huge eruption of fireworks in showers of gold, red and green sparks. There was much laughter and cheering.

"Naruto, did you do that?" Iruka-sensei called suspiciously.

"Nope," Naruto said, all innocence.

"It must have been the brooms," Shikamaru said, as Yoshino eyed them skeptically. "They're angry at being used so much."

"Or perhaps at not being used enough!"

"The bells are ringing," Ino said, and Neji heard it too. It was the joya no kane, the temple bells that marked the passing of the year. These were deeper and more sonorous than the Konoha temple bells, the sound seeming to hang in the air. At the slow tolling of the bells, everyone fell silent, gazing into the fire.

"They ring them 108 times," Naruto whispered to Neji, "and for each one, you let go of your worldly desires and negative stuff and cast them into the fire."

Neji nodded. "It's the same in the North."

He thought about what he wished to cast away. Certainly there were many things he felt sorrow and shame for. Putting his own pride and ambition first. Almost killing his cousin. Turning his back on his village and his team. Following Orochimaru. Wanting Kidoumaru. Dishonoring his family in many small and large ways. The attempt at seppuku. Causing so much trouble for the Naras. His rudeness to Shikamaru about the gift.

And then there was the big one…taking a man's life. No doubt that counted as wrong. But he felt no remorse for that, none. If he had any regrets at all, it was that he had not killed Kidoumaru sooner, the first moment he saw him, and the rest of that cursed clan as well.

Shikamaru had come to stand next to him, his shoulder brushing Neji's. He was looking upward, as he often did. Neji followed his gaze, watching the crackling sparks that streamed through the air like the shooting stars they watched from Shikamaru's bed. He realized there was one worldly desire he did not want to let go of, even though he knew he should.

As the last peal of the bells died away, people began to stir, coming out of reflection. Shikamaru leaned closer to Neji. "Yoi otoshiwo," he said quietly, the traditional end of the year wish.

###

Neji gave a little bow in return. "Yoi otoshiwo omukaye kudasai," he said, which was the more formal version. Shikamaru wondered what that meant, whether Neji was still being distant or if Northern people were just more formal. But then he looked to his right and saw his mother standing there, nodding approvingly as always at Neji's pretty manners.

"Noodle time!" Mrs. Akimichi announced. Shikamaru took Neji's arm and pulled him along to Chouji's house, where the Akimichis' huge dining table was set with many places and dozens of condiment dishes. Shikamaru made sure Neji got a seat between him and Chouji, because you never missed out on any food next to Chouji. Chouji's parents were dishing out the noodles that they had all cut earlier, placing some in each bowl and ladling the traditional broth over them.

"It's hot," Neji said in surprise, staring at the bowl of noodles Chouza set before him. Shikamaru looked to see if a rogue pepper had slipped in there, but there was only noodles.

"The broth isn't spicy," he told Neji.

"No, I mean…we eat them cold. With just a dipping sauce."

"Really?" It sounded strange to Shikamaru, and some of the others sitting nearby exclaimed at that also.

Neji lifted his head to face them. "My village is cold at this time of year as well. Sometimes it even snows."

There were confused nods at this. Shikamaru could see that they were trying to picture this. It didn't sound that appealing to him – cold noodles on a cold night. He was glad for a moment that he could welcome Neji here, into the warmth of the South and the hot, spicy noodles.

But then he thought of how he would feel if he had to spend the holiday far away from his family and his traditions, missing everyone, eating noodles that were the wrong temperature. Neji hadn't even gotten to visit the shrine today as he said his clan usually did. He felt bad about that.

"I can chill the noodles for you," he offered.

"No, no…it's fine," Neji said. He had his head down again. Shikamaru guessed he didn't want to seem different, didn't want everybody staring at him anymore. And once Chouji's parents took their seats at the ends of the table and said the ritual blessing, Neji slurped up his noodles along with everyone else, even taking a tiny amount of hot sauce.

After all the noodles were consumed, the young people went into the Akimichis' large living room, where Mrs. Akimichi had placed several pillows and blankets around the tatami mats. "Have good mountain dreams," she told them. Dreaming of the mountains was considered good luck for the coming year. Shikamaru explained this to Neji.

"We say, I hope you dream of eggplants," Neji said.

"Eggplants?" Naruto repeated, he and Ino falling over laughing like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. Shikamaru bit his lip so he would not laugh too, although it seemed so random and odd. He stole a glance at Neji to see if his friend was offended, but Neji only looked sleepy. It was long past the time when he would usually go to bed. Neji stretched out on the tatami, his long lashes fluttering shut as he made himself comfortable. Shikamaru recalled the night of the sandstorm, when Neji had slept in his arms. He had a sudden wish to run his fingers through Neji's silky hair again, as he had that night. But of course that would be the absolute wrong thing to do.

Instead he leaned down to whisper in Neji's ear. "We also say, I hope you dream of hawks."

###

Neji dreamed of hawks, rising into the air with the sun touching their wings. He dreamed of soaring, looking down onto the village. In his dream, Deidara flew by also, on the back of a giant clay bird. He gave Neji a wink and a cheeky smile.

The next thing he knew Shikamaru was shaking him awake. He assumed they were going back to the Nara house, but Shikamaru was fully dressed with his long cloak on. He was holding Neji's cloak, which he held out. "Here, time to go. Hatsushinode," he clarified, at Neji's questioning look.

Hatsushinode – the first sunrise of the new year. Neji generally got up early anyway to meditate, and sometimes he had seen the sun coming up, but Hyuugas did not specifically try to watch it. That would have been considered sentimental. Still, he was willing – although it seemed very dark outside still. He would have guessed they had an hour or more to go before the sun came up.

He had expected that they were just going out to the courtyard, but Shikamaru led him to the stables instead. Several of the others were there already, saddling up their horses.

"Where are we going?"

"To the mountain," Shikamaru said, patting Shadow's neck as he adjusted the saddle.

Neji nodded. People in Konoha sometimes did that, climbing to the top of Hokage Mountain for the sunrise. He had never been one of them. No one in his clan did that.

As they rode through the streets of Suna and then out to the main road, they were joined by others on horseback. There was a lot of talking and laughter; everyone seemed in a party mood. Neji could not help comparing it with the Hyuugas who met the new year with solemnity and quiet determination. Rounding a bend, they could see the mountain in the distance. As they got closer, Neji saw many small lights slowly wending their way up the mountainside, like crawling fireflies.

Shikamaru stopped Shadow and dismounted. Neji could see a large fenced area near the base of the mountain where many horses were grazing, with two of the Kazekage's guards keeping watch.

"We're going to walk the rest of the way?" he asked, dismounting as well.

"Yeah…the mountain trails are too narrow for so many horses at once." Shikamaru looked a little apologetic, but Neji didn't mind at all. He would rather go on foot than on horseback any day.

Shikaku handed them a couple of lanterns to light the way, and their group began the climb. It looked like the whole village had turned out in force, from the oldest ones leaning on canes, to babies and toddlers being carried on their parents' backs. Some of the young people bounded ahead, but others walked slowly, offering an arm to their older or younger relatives. Ino leaped to catch a young child who stumbled, losing her footing herself in the process and landing in the arms of Izumo, who was walking near them.

In Konoha, Neji thought, he would have been one of those running up the mountain. He could see well in the dark, and he would have wanted to prove he was the fastest, the surest, the best. But here in Suna, he had nothing to prove, nothing to gain. So he walked at Shikamaru's slower, steadier pace, enjoying the companionship.

As they made their way higher, the air felt colder. A few scrubby pines appeared here and there among the barren sand and rock. Mountain goats eyed them curiously from ledges or leapt out of the way as they ascended, while a couple of hawks circled overhead. He nudged Shikamaru and pointed. They shared a smile. Good fortune.

At the top, the mountain leveled out onto a clearing with a magnificent view of the cliffs and rock formations to the East. The people of Suna were gathered here, all crowded together. Shikamaru put his arms around Neji and Chouji, pulling them close to him. Neji remembered his dream, Deidara's insinuating smile, but he didn't care. He slipped an arm around Shikamaru's waist as well.

Ino joined them, squeezing in between Shikamaru and Chouji. "Do you think Gaara is here?" she asked them, and then in the next breath, "Does Izumo have a girlfriend?"

Shikamaru laughed. "Not that I know of."

"Did you see how he blushed when I fell on him? So cute!"

Ordinarily Neji would have found this quite annoying, but now, standing here with Shikamaru's arm around him, the warmth of Shikamaru's body next to his, and the sun's first rays beginning to touch the sky, he felt the same amusement that he saw on Shikamaru's face, and he smiled back when Shikamaru gave him a tiny grin and rolled his eyes.

The sky was a deep blue, like the color of the beautiful kimono Shikamaru had given him. Then the brilliant edge of the sun poked up from behind the faraway cliff. He found himself cheering with everyone else. The New Year was beginning. Neji felt something inside him crack open like an egg.

He would always be a Hyuuga; he would never be a Main House Hyuuga, but here, he did not have to be a Branch House Hyuuga. He was beholden to the Naras, he was not a part of their family, but they had made it clear they did not consider him a slave or a Pet. He did not have to think of himself as the caged bird.

He was Hyuuga Neji. What that meant was all up to him.

###

A.N.: Thanks for reading, everyone! Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought!