A/N: I'd just like to say how much I appreciate the lovely reviews! I have so much fanfic that I've been too scared to publish and getting reviews makes me feel like I'm doing something right :)
Izzy laughs at something stupid Simon has said while he twirls her around beneath the stars. Never let it be said that Magnus Lightwood-Bane does not know how to throw a party. He has put wards around a secluded spot in Central Park, enchanted the trees to bloom bright, colourful flowers, and put on a feast that would rival any royal banquet. Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike are dancing, laughing, talking.
And in the centre are Jace and Clary, dancing together as if they are the only two people there. Izzy's not sure she's ever seen Jace smile this much in his life.
As for Clary?
Her best friend is more radiant than she has ever seen her.
She's almost glad they're not parabatai yet; that much happiness would surely overwhelm her.
After a while, Luke cuts in to dance with Clary, so Jace heads off the dance floor to talk to Simon and Izzy.
"Oh, man, look at your face," Simon laughs. "You are so whipped."
"Says the guy whose girlfriend has an actual whip."
"Touché."
"I can't believe you're getting married," Izzy says. "I remember when you were fifteen and went around calling yourself a 'lone wolf'."
"Are we telling embarrassing Jace stories?" Alec asks, appearing out of nowhere with Magnus by his side. "Because I have so many."
Jace groans. "Oh no."
"Oh yes." Simon grins.
Izzy swats Jace's arm lovingly. "Hey, if your siblings can't make fun of you at your engagement party, when can they?"
Thankfully, Jace is spared the total humiliation of Alec telling any number of 'Jace is an idiot' stories, because fireworks begin to burst above their heads. Jace looks for Clary out of instinct, and just as he does, she weaves through the crowd to slot herself under his arm. He presses a kiss to the side of her head.
Izzy watches them with a knowing smile.
At one point, Alec drags Jace away, presumably for an oddly intimate parabatai moment, so Clary floats between the guests. Their engagement party is a little more political than she would like - that's what happens when the only pure angel-blooded Nephilim in the world get engaged - but Clary's been part of this world for over a year now. She's pretty sure she can handle making small talk with a few high-ranking Shadowhunters.
At least, she thinks so, until Imogen approaches her.
Despite the fact that she is Jace's grandmother, Clary is terrified of her. So far, their interactions aside from Imogen's stint in New York have consisted of a single awkward dinner, during which she was pretty sure Imogen was trying to figure out how to bribe Jace to break up with her. Jace always says that she's being ridiculous, of course his grandmother loves her, but Clary's not so sure.
"Imogen," she says, painting on a polite smile. "So nice to see you."
They stand there awkwardly for a moment before Imogen clears her throat. "I wanted to say something to you." Clary has a sudden image in her head of Imogen reaching out to claw the necklace off her neck. Thankfully, that is not what happens.
"I'm sorry," she says, "for how I've treated you in the past. Valentine may be your father but you are not his daughter. You are strong, a loyal Shadowhunter." Imogen's eyes dart to the necklace sitting at Clary's sternum. "And you love Jace. Enough to have used the One Wish to save him." She takes her hand. "That tells me more about you than any of your relatives ever could."
This time, Clary's smile is genuine. "Thank you, Imogen. That means a lot."
It's at least another two hours before she gets to see Jace again. The party has finally wound down. Everyone except their family has left. Clary is sitting down on the grass, legs stretched in front of her and shoes off. She doesn't know how Izzy does it all day every day. She's been wearing heels for a single evening and she never wants to wear them again.
Jace plonks down beside her, lazily threading his fingers through hers. "I never want to talk to another Clave official again," he groans.
"Wait till the wedding."
He groans again.
"I'm sure they'll all be wanting us to have kids right away to pass on our pure angel blood."
He laughs, but his expression quickly turns serious. "Do you. . .want kids?"
"Yes," she says immediately. "But not right now. I'm only twenty, you know? My mom had me pretty young and there was all this stuff she never got to do."
"I'm pretty sure that was more Valentine's fault than yours, but I agree. A few years from now, maybe."
She shuffles closer so they are touching from shoulder to hip, their linked hands on her lap. "How many would you want?"
"More than one. I hated being an only child."
"Me too. I mean, I wasn't, but I didn't know that."
Neither of them are only children anymore, Clary thinks, as Izzy, Simon, Alec and Magnus join them on the grass. They are quickly followed by Max, who sprawls atop his brothers like a cat. Without letting go of her, Jace ruffles his hair. On her other side, Izzy leans her head on her shoulder.
Clary smiles softly, and wonders how she could have ever felt alone.
Hasn't her life always been filled with these people, who love fierce and hard and without hesitation because they know that tomorrow is never guaranteed?
"Duck!" Izzy shouts, just as the Raum demon takes a swipe at Clary's head. Clary dives as Izzy uses her whip to yank one of its tentacles from its body. While Izzy is keeping it distracted, Clary uses both her kindjals to stab it where its heart would be if it were an animal. It explodes into embers. The simulation fades. Clary shoves her kindjals back in her belt and takes the hand Izzy offers to pull her up.
Lydia claps slowly, a regal smile on her face. "Congratulations," she says. "Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fairchild, you have passed the final parabatai test. Soon you will undergo the parabatai ceremony, where your bond will be cemented."
Clary, still holding Izzy's hand, turns to her. She is grinning.
Izzy turns to Lydia. "Thanks again for doing this."
"Of course. You guys needed a Clave official to oversee the tests, and I needed an excuse to come visit."
"We were just going to get dinner with Jace and Simon, if you wanted to join us?"
She shakes her head. "Duty calls. I'll see you at the ceremony."
Clary watches Lydia walk away in that regal way of hers; head held high, back straight, every step swift and calculated. Clary wouldn't be surprised if Lydia was named Consul after Jia's term has ended. She never needed Alec to rise through the ranks. She can do that all by herself.
Clary and Izzy change out of their training gear and head over to Taki's, where Jace and Simon are sitting in a booth. If two years ago, you'd have told Clary that she could leave them alone and come back to see them being friendly, she'd say you were insane. Hell, if you told her that she could leave them alone without fighting, she'd say you were insane. But there they are, Simon insulting Jace and Jace pretending to be hurt.
"Hey," she says, sliding in beside him.
He winds an arm around her waist. Since they got engaged, she's noticed that he's never beside her without touching her in some way, almost as if he can't help himself. "How was the test?"
"Piece of cake," Izzy answers for her.
"Well, when you've killed Lilith, what's a couple itty-bitty demons?" Simon quips. He gestures to Clary. "Not to mention this one defeated the world's only Shadowhunter-Greater Demon hybrid."
Clary feels herself tense. Jace reaches for her hand under the table, squeezing gently.
Jonathan is still a difficult subject for her, and one that she has had more than a few nightmares about. Most people, even those close to her, forget that he wasn't just a demon to her. He was her brother, her boy in the tower, the one she couldn't save. He was also the boy who tormented her, violated her, tore her from the people she loved.
In an instant, it is too much.
Her heart begins to race and her throat tightens. It is suddenly much too difficult to breathe. "Excuse me," she gasps, leaping from her seat.
Her vision blurs as she brushes past a confused Maia and bursts through the doors. She paces across the gravel, gulps lungfuls of air, but it is not enough. Of its own volition her body drops to a crouch, hands clenched tightly into fists. Jonathan's voice echoes in her head.
Everything I do, I do for you.
You and I. . . we are one.
Clary, you're hurting me.
Let me go.
A sob breaks free. She dimly registers footsteps, and strong arms pulling her into an embrace.
"Jace, I can't breathe-" she sobs, and the tightness in her chest builds until she thinks she might explode.
"I'm here, I'm right here," he whispers. "I've got you." He gently unclenches her left hand and places it on his chest so it rises and falls with his breath. "You feel that? Follow my breathing. Nice and slow."
She does as he says, her head pressed into his shoulder. She can hear his heartbeat, strong and steady. She lets it soothe her.
Soon, she can breathe again.
She pulls away from Jace so she can look into his eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't know-"
"It was a panic attack. You've had them a few times in your sleep." He runs his thumb across her cheekbone. "You have nothing to be sorry about."
She lets her other hand drop from his chest. She notices little drops of blood on his white T-shirt where her hand was. She has a sudden pang of terror that she's hurt him. "Did I scratch you?"
He shakes his head, a quizzical expression on his face. He turns her hand over. On her palm are four crescent-shaped cuts, corresponding with four bloodstained nails. He examines her right hand. It has identical wounds. Without saying a word, he gets out his stele to activate her iratze. Once the cuts are healed, he presses a kiss to each palm.
"Do you think you can stand?" he asks.
She nods, letting him pull her up. His arm stays around her shoulders. She looks back at Taki's. Izzy and Simon stand just outside the entrance, looking concerned.
"Clary, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to bring anything up," Simon says. His face, always so open and honest, is flooded with pure guilt.
"It's okay, Si. I'm okay." She turns to Izzy. "You still sure you wanna be my parabatai?" She's only half joking.
"More than ever," Izzy says firmly.
Later that night, she's a lot less certain. She asks Clary to open a Portal to Alec and Magnus' for her, and Clary - sweet, kind Clary, who is still exhausted from what happened earlier - agrees to help without a second thought.
When she steps through, Alec is standing there with a seraph blade in his hand, ready for battle. He relaxes instantly when he realises it's her. "Oh, hey, Iz. What's going on?"
"ShouldIreallybeClary'sparabatai?" The words come out in a rush.
"What?"
"Should I really be Clary's parabatai?"
"Where's this coming from? You just passed the final test; you should be excited."
Izzy flops on the couch, and Alec joins her. "Clary had a panic attack this afternoon. It was about Jonathan, I think. She's okay now, Jace helped her through it, but-"
"But what?"
"I had no idea what to do. She was in so much pain, and I had no clue how to help her. I just stood there and watched Jace as he took care of her. He knew exactly how to calm her down." Her eyes meet his. "What if Jace is the only person who can help her? What if I never figure out how? Or worse, what if we become parabatai and our bond makes me so overwhelmed by her feelings that I'm completely useless?"
Alec sets his hand on his sister's shoulders. "Hey. You are not going to be useless. Jace knew what to do because it's happened before, and because he knows Clary better than he knows himself. You will, too, after the ceremony. Your bond with her is different, but it's no less important. You're sisters, in all but blood."
"But-"
"No buts. If she has another panic attack, you'll help her through it, just as she would for you. You and Clary already make each other stronger. The ceremony only increases a bond that's already there."
Izzy throws her arms around Alec; unlike him, she has never been reserved in giving affection. "Thanks, big brother."
"Anytime."
When she returns to the Institute, she looks for Clary immediately. She finds her reading in the library. Her face is still drawn, but she smiles when Izzy comes in. "Hey, how was Alec's?"
Without warning, Izzy pulls her into a fierce, tight hug. "I can't wait to be your parabatai," she says.
Clary's arms lift to hug her back. "Me, too."
In the Great Hall of the Institute, there is a small gathering. A Silent Brother, a Clave official, and two witnesses, each standing opposite one another in a circle made of blue flame. Inside that circle are Clary and Isabelle, grasping onto one another's forearms.
Several weeks from now, Clary will promise herself to Jace.
Today, she promises herself to Izzy.