A/N:Hello dear ones! This was something that was waiting to be finished in a file I simply dubbed "Obi and Satine" - the one for when I'm feeling a bit romantic, and need some softness :). Today, a very dear friend of mine passed her PhD with flying colours - she loves life so much, and has also learned to love so much. You do not read my works but this is still dedicated to you, Isa.
To all the Satine and Obi fans - and others as well : I hope you will enjoy this. Take care, Meysun.

.

Towards the Light

A Clone Wars fanfiction

.

Her stolen moments with Obi-Wan always felt like small blessings. A soft reprieve. A place where she was reminded of who she truly was. Where she felt loved, cared for, respected but also preserved and guarded.

Satine loved his conversation, and she loved his smile.

But above all, she loved his gentle touches, the way his body always seemed to know exactly where to meet hers, the way his gestures almost always guessed her own…

They had their agreement. What they had was a harbour, a resting place, no more, and no less. And they stuck to it, but every time Satine was marvelling at the easy way it was for them to switch from friends to lovers, and back.

She was lying above him, not quite naked yet – neither was he. They both enjoyed taking it slowly, and she had just buttoned his tunic open, allowing his hands to meet the laces of her nightgown.

Her legs gently closed around his waist and he smiled, eyes at half-mast, tilting his head to allow her lips to meet his. And for a while they just kissed, arms around each other – and as usual it felt incredible, warmth, safety and love all at once, Obi-Wan shrouding them gently in the Force, face, lips and hands meeting hers in wonderful silken touches.

He was lying below her, as so often – she had discovered he preferred to be able to look at her without exposing his back, and seemed happy to cradle her against him, almost unmoving under the covers.

And such was the exquisite touch of his moves and that incredible prescience of his that it took Satine terribly long to notice that, though his eyes were closed and his lips still meeting hers, something was different.

Her legs were closed around his waist and she was pressed flush against him. And though his body was warm, and she could feel him breathe rapidly against her, there was no sign of arousal at all.

"Obi, dearest…?"

He opened his eyes and they were slightly glazed over, lost in a very private part of himself. She could feel he was one with the Force, attuned to her needs – but that he had lost his own on the way. And somehow it sobered her instantly, making her throat and stomach clench.

"Obi-Wan…

- What is it?"

He blinked, slowly, and she realised then just how dark the smudges under his eyes were and how warm his face was under her hands.

"Satine, what is wrong…?"

She almost shook him, but instead she let her legs slide off him, kneeling next to him instead.

"Obi, you are burning up. Why did you not say…

- Oh."

As soon as he stopped abandoning himself to the Force so as to keep making love to her, the full state of his body seemed to crash down violently on him – he closed his eyes and seemed to melt even more against the mattress.

"Apologies…", he whispered, hand searching for hers.

His fingers were hot and dry – and Satine was reminded of Draboon. Of that moist, savage planet swarming with mosquitos and venomites, where Obi-Wan had been burning with marsh-fever and had still marched on without a single complaint, hand clasped in hers and mind lost somewhere only Qui-Gon could reach. They had both been so worried – she still remembered the way Qui-Gon had finally scooped him up, holding him against him, hand carding through his hair that was falling out by whole strands but still looked like a fiery rat's nest… Obi had lost about a stone, and looked like a ghost for days afterwards – but he had kept so very, very quiet all along.

Because deep down and notwithstanding appearances, Obi was the strongest of them all – and because neither Qui-Gon nor herself would have managed without him.

"You feel far away", Obi-Wan said, softly, pulling Satine from her thoughts and memories, and though his eyes were glazed over and his body fever-still, she could tell he was with her. "Where are you?"

She carded a hand through his hair, letting her palm linger on his brow.

"Draboon", she answered, stroking his cheekbone, and Obi winced.

"Not my favourite", he whispered and she had to smile, despite her worry, lying down next to him, wrapping an arm around him, resting her cheek on his chest and pulling the covers on them both.

She could feel him shiver minutely and scooted closer, rubbing soft circles on his shoulder with her thumb.

"Obi, perhaps we should fetch someone…

- And explain what I am doing under Duchess Satine's covers, perhaps?"

He sounded faintly amused – and terribly tired. He was not even moving an inch, a tell-tale sign of his pain and fatigue.

"Shivering. Trying not to cough and hiding a headache", she answered, still stroking his arm, and Obi-Wan just hummed.

For a while, they just lay there in silence, Obi's shivers ebbing slowly as her body warmed his. And then she felt his fingers card through her hair.

"It's not infectious", Obi said, quietly. "I just… I think I'm just cold."

Something in the way he stressed the word made Satine look up, searching for his face, meeting bright grey eyes harbouring a somewhat forlorn look. Oh. It seemed they were in for a bout of honesty, then. And that she would have to watch out for the fever climbing.

"What happened, Obi?", she asked, fingertips wiping the sweat that was beading on his brow.

"I fell in the Kaminoan Sea", Obi-Wan whispered, and his grey eyes took a childish, almost proud look. "Twice.

- Quite an achievement", Satine commented, mentally shaking her head at him, watching his cheekbones turn slightly pink and trying not to smile.

"I rode out on an Aiwha", Obi-Wan told her, eyes still full of childlike glee. "There is a soft spot, on the top of their head. They love to be scratched there.

- Do they now, Obi'ka?"

Her sweet, soft Jedi just nodded and this time Satine bent, kissing the top of his nose, gently tracing the shape of his ear.

"They are the only ones… the only ones I feel at ease with over there", Obi whispered, and she watched his smile fade, slowly, and the simple joy in his eyes change to something quiet and sad.

"On Kamino, Obi'ka?"

He nodded again, stifling a shiver, and for a few seconds, Satine saw her hairpins, tiara and necklace hoover in the air, levitating a few seconds, before they softly rested on her nightstand again.

"It's home to Cody. And Rex. To all the clones", Obi said, quietly. "But it doesn't feel like… like a home. You shouldn't… you shouldn't be forced to keep among the best to be allowed to stay there."

Quiet rebellion, in her Jedi's words. In the way his eyes just stared at something she could not see. But she could guess, and resumed her gentle stroking through his hair.

"That's something I don't like in the Temple either", he whispered. "That's something I would like to change."

Defiance, in the way he lifted his chin, matted hair clinging to his forehead.

"I don't want any Initiate thinking they are not wanted", Obi-Wan said, eyes slowly filling with tears from a past long gone. "I don't want any clone thinking they are worth less than another being, thinking they are just a tool. They are not droids. And yet we still treat them as such. Breeding them. Replacing them."

He had turned absolutely still once more.

"Qui-Gon would have hated this", he whispered, so very quietly. "He would have stormed the Jedi Council and refused to use sentient, human beings in this war. To use the DNA of unborn babies as a battle-weapon – that very DNA we tried so hard to protect and snatched back from Ventress' and Grievous' claws."

Satine simply drew small circles on Obi-Wan's shoulder, waiting for him to go on. And after a while, the one she loved so dearly spoke once more.

"They want me on the Jedi Council, Satine."

His eyes searched for hers and she saw his muted anguish – the way hope and courage and the desire to do right battled his feelings of inadequacy and fear. And she understood, then. That she was the only one who could tell him what Qui-Gon could not, no more – because she was one of the few who had shared the true essence binding him to Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan. Dearest."

She waited for his gaze to settle deeply into her own, and then she took his hands in hers, entwining their fingers.

"He would be infinitely proud of you."

Obi-Wan's soft breath was almost silent, but she still heard the sob beneath it.

"He knew, Obi'ka. He told me. When you were sick, all those years ago, on Draboon. That you were his little Councillor. That you helped shaping the Force towards what was light – even when it felt different from what was right. That you were steadfast and strong like a river, and that you were nurturing everything you touched. That the Jedi were lucky to have you."

Small tears were gathering into Obi-Wan's eyes, and he had gone absolutely pale, save for the hot fever-touches on his cheekbones.

"That is why I let you go, back then. And that is why I think no one is worthier of that honour. Because you might finally be able to change some things that may sound right, but are not light. And because I believe in you, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

He just looked at her, breathing very, very quietly. And she stroked the back of his hands, until he blinked, brow slowly smoothing, eyes fluttering shut. She waited a few moments, watching his breaths even out, and then she placed the back of her hand against his forehead, wincing when she felt its heat.

Obi-Wan felt at peace, though, and she was confident that with a painkiller he would make it to the Jedi Temple in the morning – she actually had no doubt about his ability at faking perfect health.

She would just have to make him promise to see the Healers as soon as he set foot there – she had enough blackmail material with Aiwhas loving to be scratched, after all…

Satine slowly lowered herself back into Obi-Wan's arms, stroking his hair, smiling when he let out a soft sigh, nestling against her like the furnace he was right now.

"Little Councillor", she whispered.

And around them, for a very fleeting moment, Satine felt a presence, warm and steadfast like a sun-bathed oak – brushing them both with its blessing and grace.

A/N: And here they go, our soft, reflective, independant and brave Duchess and Jedi... I absolutely loved to write small little touches about Kamino, the clone-breeding and some parallels with the Jedi temple here. In my headcanon that fits with my 'Still Green' verse, both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon disliked the Jedi tradition of Padawan needing to be chosen, and strived to change it along with Quinlan's Master, Holme. I also think that what Satine tells Obi is true in this universe - and that Force-Ghost Qui-Gon knows just how much his former Padawan wants to reconcile light with right.
Of course, I could have written so much more - about dear Ninety-Nine and how it must have upset Cody, Rex, Fives and Echo to lose him, about Master Ti being so maternal with the Clones, just like in the Temple, and about Obi feeling such sadness surrounded by innocent baby-clones he only wants to shield. I think, however, that this is just enough, because I know just how many wonderful reflective people are out there taking these thoughts much further than me.
Let's hope for a bit of light (especially in current political events) and as usual : thank you for being there and take care! Much love, Meysun.