Edward stared numbly. He couldn't do this. Why was everything falling apart? He had lost his hearing, his job, and therefore his only means of getting Alphonse back. His heart climbed up into his throat.

"I'm going up to the room I'm staying in." Edward didn't even try to read Mustang's reaction or his lips. It wasn't worth it anymore. He would, without a doubt, find some form of pity there in his former commanding officer's features. He hated the thought. He didn't want anyone's pity. He couldn't deal with that. The idea made him sick.

There was no reason to pity him.

Actually, there were plenty of reasons. He didn't want to admit that, though. The poor orphan kid whose father left him and whose mother died of illness, had lost his brother's body, trapping him in a creative hell. He had also lost his hearing; more pity. Lost the possible way to save his brother; even more pity. Ruined everything; the whole bucket of pity.

He stood up, groaning in pain. At least, he thought he groaned. He couldn't be sure, though. He stumbled out, fighting actual tears out of his eyes. Everything was hurting. Mustang had given him his medicine, right? It didn't feel like it. His ribs ached. His chest just ached in general. His side was killing him as he stumbled. Everything was killing him right now. The burns that covered his left arm and most of his back were a pain. The small burn on his cheek was nothing compared to those, but it still stung a little bit. His automail ports ached like they had since the accident.

Edward's stomach clenched at a thought of laying down in a bed with his back, ribs, and side hurting like this. And facing those stairs would be a challenge. It was not like he was about to ask Mustang for help. Thinking about him for even a second made his mind wander back to the discharge. He couldn't deal with this right now. He buried it. It was an unhealthy habit. Edward knew that. He couldn't deal with it, though, and this seemed like a safe escape from everything in his head.

Edward stumbled, leaning on furniture and the walls. He was in a great deal of pain at the moment and couldn't even imagine falling over. He didn't want to learn what that would feel like. He could guess that whatever he was feeling now would be nothing compared to that, though.

A weird feeling settled on his shoulders as if someone was watching him. He spun around and found Mustang there. His stomach clenched in fear. How long had he been there? How long had he been watching? "Damn it, Colonel! What the hell are you doing?!"

Edward was feeling a bit of anger rising to replace his fear. "What do you think you were doing?! Go act like a creepy bastard somewhere else! I don't need you to be my babysitter! It's bad enough that we're staying here with you. I don't need you to follow me around! And I'm perfectly fine on my own. I'm not an invalid!" Edward tried to keep the trembling if his bottom lip at a minimum.

He was scared.

It was too quiet.

He didn't hear his voice even though he knew he had spoken. He knew he had shouted, but he couldn't hear anything.

Edward didn't want to think about anything anymore. He didn't want to think about how close he could get before Edward noticed. If he had wanted Edward dead, then killing him would be simple. If he had wanted to inflict pain on him, Edward wouldn't be able to stop him until it was too late. He couldn't protect himself. He wasn't safe here. He had to get away from him.. He was gonna hurt him. He wanted to kill him.

Edward's eyes settled on the back door. It wasn't too far off. He could run for it. He could get away. He'd be safe. But his head was feeling light. Was he breathing too fast? He couldn't tell. He hadn't noticed either.

He had to move.

He had to get away from him.

Just run! Get away! He's coming like before, but Tobias isn't here to save me like last time. I'm doomed... RUN!!

Edward tried to take a step towards the door. He was listening to his head. He needed to get away. He had to. He had to be safe.

His head swam, and his knees buckled. The floor was coming up to meet him. It was too fast. His arms moved to catch himself. He knew that it would hurt.

Then he'll kill me.

Strong arms wrapped around his torso. He yelped in pain as the cut in his side screamed in agony. No! He's going to kill me!

"Stay away! Don't touch me!" He could feel the pipe ripping through the flesh in his side. He could feel his back burning as he was forced against the overheating engine. He could hear his voice whispering into his ear.

"You thought you could escape? That's rich. And this time around there isn't anyone to save you," Gunner's voice rang clear in his ears. His hot breath was on Edward's cheek. Edward's eyes were wide he felt his breathing speed up even more. All his pain was forgotten. He stared at the floor, his face going white. He gasped and wheezed. He was really about to die. He couldn't move. He was frozen. He continued to stare at the floor.

Little red droplets fell to the ground. Edward watched them splash and puddle slightly on floor, not knowing the source. He turned his head slowly to look back. He almost screamed when he saw the sickeningly disfigured face of Gunner Pierce. He wouldn't have been able to scream, though. He wasn't getting enough oxygen. He wanted to scream, though. Blood dripped down from his face, landing on Edward's cheeks. This time he did scream, though. He gulped in desperate breaths out of fear. Icy terror filled every inch of his body. He couldn't move out of the grip, but he tried. He thrashed about for freedom.

Edward was lowered onto the floor. It stung his back and side. His body instinctively curled in on itself, causing even more pain to himself as he closed his eyes and waited for the killing blow to come. He sucked in breath after breath in quick succession. The blow didn't come, though. He laid there waiting, but it still didn't come. Instead, rough hands pressed into his side, making him yelp. It took his oxygen-deprived brain too long to processes the fact that he couldn't hear anything. The whispers...

They were gone.

Edward gulped in a few breaths.

The whispers were gone now. They're gone...

They're gone.

He trembled as his breathing began to slow. His chest hurt. Everything hurt.

The Colonel's face filled Edward's vision as his eyes flickered open for a few seconds. Mustang's hands were the ones pressed into his side. He shut his eyes again, feeling all fuzzy. It was a while before his eyes flickered open again. This time he saw Alphonse. Everything was blurry, though. Alphonse seemed worried. The posture of his armour gave it away.

Edward was feeling almost disconnected from his body. He didn't really feel the pain unless he thought about the aches that plagued him in every part of his body.

Edward silently apologised because it always seemed to be him that hurt or scared Alphonse.

Alphonse wished he could smile at the passing children. Little kids always seemed afraid of him at the start.

There were the curious type that he would catch staring or glancing over as well, but he didn't like being scary or anything like that.

At the moment he was watching several children running about tagging one another in turn. Alphonse wished he could join. Running around with other children would be really fun, but in the game they were playing, hurting one of the other kids would have been far too easy. He didn't want to risk that. He might trample them, tag them too hard, push them around by accident, or really hurt them in any way with his armour.

Alphonse kicked a stone. There was the all too familiar metallic clank. He sighed.

It was so tiring not being able to sleep or eat or or feel or anything like that.

There was no way to rest and not think about things. He was constantly aware. It was so hard. He would have gone insane if he didn't have Edward.

He was trying not to break down now. He had to hold it all together because Ed couldn't do it alone. He saw how hard his brother tried to do it. It was just too much. It was like trying to stop a giant waterfall with a tiny cup. They couldn't do it. Neither of them could. They couldn't even do it together. They still stood there trying as the water overflowed and swept past them, though. They always did. They kept trying after everything that happened. It was ridiculous, but they still waited for that one moment when they could do it.

They needed to keep going. Now more than ever. And Edward needed help. Alphonse could see that. He was guilty and frustrated. Alphonse had to protect him. But right now he was hiding from it, escaping from everything. He was scared.

He couldn't imagine how much worse this was for Ed. This was all a mess. And he was hiding instead of helping his brother.

Alphonse sighed. He needed to get back. Brother needed him, and here he was being selfish. He wasn't going to hide from this anymore. Brother lost his hearing, and now he had to accept that and move forward or do something to change it.

But hiding did nothing. He was going to help Edward, but first he needed to stop trying to hide from reality.

Alphonse froze when he heard the Colonel shout.

He had knocked then the shout telling him to come in filled his phantom ears. When he opened the door in a panic, he almost screamed.

Edward was lying on the floor with the Colonel over him.

"Alphonse, call the hospital!"

Alphonse froze. He wanted to move but he couldn't. He should have been here.

"Alphonse, the hospital!" Al bolted to the phone. He could hear Mustang gasp. He looked back to see that Edward had reached up and grabbed the Colonel's wrist with his automail. It appeared to be a strong grip too.

"Let me go! Al! Where did you go, Al?! Colonel Bastard, let me go!" Edward shouted. He yelped in pain and bit his lip. Blood spilled out of the now split lip.

"Alphonse, please hurry!" Mustang shouted. Edward stopped fighting and just laid there whimpering. He was clutching his bleeding side. He must have known that Alphonse was gone because he was calling the hospital.

"I'm fine! I need Alphonse! Please, I'll be fine! Tell him I'll be fine!" Edward gasped and gulped in several breaths. "I can't go back!"

Mustang froze at the panicky shouts.

"I don't know what they're saying! I don't want to go back to that!"

Edward grabbed Mustang's collar and pulled himself up. He held himself there. His eyes were glassy and his head was lolling to the side. He was wincing in pain when his hands lost their grip and Edward fell limply to the ground with a thud. He didn't move, and Roy's first instinct was to go for Edward's pulse. It was fast but beginning to even out.

"Uh, Sir..." Alphonse looked down. "Is there anyone else we could call? I- I don't want to send him back there."

Roy understood that he didn't want to do anything to upset his brother anymore. He saw the way Alphonse flinched and the glow of his soulfire eyes brightened in obvious fear when he looked up and saw how still his brother was laying. "He's okay, right?!" He sounded so scared.

Roy nodded. It wasn't exactly true. Edward was not okay. He wasn't dead or dying though. "Yes, he is. Alphonse, come here and hold him. I'll call Havoc." Alphonse looked on edge. "What is it?"

Alphonse shook his head, coming to Roy's side and kneeling down to lift his brother into his lap. "Every time I leave him something bad happens. I keep not being there when Brother needs me the most!" He sobbed dryly. "I- I'm sorry, Colonel. Y- you don't want to hear about this."

Roy sighed. Alphonse needed to talk and understand that this wasn't his fault. It was Roy's fault. First, he stood up and went to the phone, calling Havoc.

He walked back into the room after ending the call. With a sigh, he knelt down. "Alphonse, let's get your brother upstairs... And please tell me how you're feeling. I'm not really the best at this and you boys don't really know me well... But if you're staying with me, even if it isn't long, I'm going to help. At least, as long as you are okay with that."

Alphonse looked shocked, even as a seemingly emotionless suit of armour. "Y- you want me to talk to you about... Stuff?"

"Now isn't really the best time, I know, but, yes, I do." That was a lie. Roy did not want to talk about "stuff", but this was his mistake and he was going to have to do something about it.

They stayed in silence for a while after that. Alphonse was carrying his brother in his arms carefully, keeping one of his gauntlets on Edward's bloody side. Roy was leading so that he could open the door to his guest room.

Alphonse laid Edward on the bed when they made it into the room.

Roy frowned and started pulling off Edward's top. There were bandages covering most of his chest, but the ones on his side were wet with a deep red blood.

"W- what happened, Colonel?"

"He panicked. When he tried to get away, he fell. I caught him, but I think I might have ripped the stitches in his side when I did that." Roy hesitated for a minute. He wasn't exactly sure what to do next. He wanted to go grab the first aid kit, but he wasn't sure if he should leave the boys here. He frowned then sighed through his nose. He didn't have much of a choice. "Wait here with him while I get the first aid kit from down stairs in the kitchen. We're going to need it."

"O- of course, Colonel," Alphonse answered, still holding his gauntlet to Edward's side.

Edward stirred a little bit as Roy left.

"Brother?" Alphonse flinched as he remembered that Ed wouldn't be able to hear him.

Edward groaned. He started curling in on himself, before he froze with a pained gasp. He began trembling like a leaf caught in the wind.

"Ed? Are you okay?" Al reached over and stroked Ed's cheek with his gauntlet's thumb.

Ed froze. He opened his eyes lazily. They were half-lidded and looked guilt ridden. "M'sorry, Al..." Edward slurred. "Can' keep ma promise."

Al gasped when Ed started to cry.

"I- it's all fallin' apart! M'such a failure..." Edward shut his eyes again, drifting off with a pained expression on his face.

Alphonse was horrified. He didn't know what to think.

It was only a little while longer before Havoc arrived at the house. Mustang had already come back upstairs at that time and Havoc had let himself in as Mustang had left the door unlocked for Al earlier.

There was a knock at the door frame before Havoc came into the room. "What happened?" He asked, freezing in surprise at the sight of all of the blood.

Roy had already stopped the bleeding but there was already a significant amount of blood. It wasn't enough that it would kill Ed, but it was still a lot.

"H- he ripped his stitches... And he didn't want to go back to the hospital." Alphonse realised that saying that made it seem irresponsible and maybe it was, but Edward had told them why; and he had been so desperate. It would have been different if they didn't have a backup plan. But Lieutenant Havoc was their backup plan.

Jean was quick to unfreeze. He came to Ed's side in a moment.

"I removed the ripped stitches already," Mustang said as Jean started going through the first aid kit.

"Good. Did you sedate him?"

"No. He passed out after hyperventilating and Alphonse said he woke up a bit earlier." The Colonel frowned.

"Brother would want you to just do it," Alphonse said quickly. He hoped that he wouldn't regret that. He didn't want Ed to be in that pain, but he doubted Edward was keen on being numbed.

"All right." Havoc pulled out some antiseptics and the structure kit. He set to work immediately.

Edward's eyes shot open once the needle pierced his skin. He tried to move away but Alphonse was ready for that.

The Colonel carefully held Edward down as if understanding that Ed needed Alphonse more as a brother now.

Al took his chance and stroked Ed's cheek with his large, bloodied thumb. Ed relaxed slightly at the sight of his brother and the familiar touch. He still seemed uncomfortable with the hands on his body; but he didn't know it was the Colonel and he trusted Al not to let them hurt him. He was in pain, but he recognised the feeling of stitches, so he knew it was supposed to help.

"Keep going," Alphonse assured.

Havoc resumed his work on the gash. "Don't let him move around, Boss."

Every time the needle touched his skin, Edward gasped and tried to pull away. He was scared, but he continued to stop himself.

It wasn't too long before Jean was finally wrapping the wound. He released some of the tension in his body and sighed. "I'm done. You can let him go."

Roy released Ed, preparing for the kid to attack him. But Ed didn't move.

"Uh, Colonel, I think Ed and I could use some time alone together. And thank you, Lieutenant..." Alphonse whispered.

"We'll be downstairs if you need us," Havoc replied quickly. He grabbed the Colonel and dragged him down the stairs and sat him on the couch. "This started with the kid's discharge, didn't it?" Havoc looked upset.

Roy nodded.

"That's what I thought. Poor kid."

"Yeah."

Alphonse brushed away Ed's tears. He pulled a notebook off of the table by the bed. It had been brought up earlier with their belongings.

He started writing. Alphonse froze when Ed sobbed weakly and reached out to grab Alphonse's hand.

"I g- got discharged! I failed you!"

Al shook his head and showed Ed the notebook where he had already written "You aren't a failure! You are my Big Brother!"

"A- Al?"

Alphonse pointed at the words again. He wanted Ed to really read them. After a moment he put down the notebook and began writing again.

He showed Ed the page again, reading it aloud, almost like he was trying to fool himself into thinking Ed heard him. "Brother, I've been thinking. What if we used the stone to fix your hearing? I don't want to just accept this. I'm going to do whatever I can for you. And I can wait to get my body back."

Edward's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No, Al! You always come first!" His face fell. "But I... I lost my job."

"We can still try to study and find a way through all of this!" Alphonse sighed and wrote down what he had said.

Ed looked at him sadly. "But without my title I- I can't get into-" Edward trailed off as Al shook his head. He watched as Al started writing again.

"We can study from other libraries. I know they won't be as good but we can try. I don't want to give up on either of us!" Alphonse showed his brother what he had written.

Edward looked up tearfully. "I don't either."

Sorry for such a long wait. I was trying to get through some writer's block on this.

I also really wanted to work on this but I've only just got back to it because I've been recovering from having Covid-19, and it seemed like a good time to work on it. Also I've just had a rough week overall, so I needed something to work on between messaging with a great friend (ATPD. Check out her writing! It's brilliant!), so hopefully I still feel inspired for a while.

-UNAU/IME