A.N. Here it is - the final chapter! It's quite long - but it's finally done! Hope you enjoy!
THE EMISSARIES
"Are all the streets made of ice?"
"Yo, of course not. They just have a winter time when it's colder."
Shikamaru's plan had succeeded, so far, at least. He was going to the North Country. He could still hardly believe it.
"The Red-Eyes can control your mind!"
"They can't do that."
It was mid-November. It had taken almost two months to get the team together and make all the arrangements for this historic journey. Sometimes Shikamaru felt almost giddy with excitement. And sometimes, in darker moments, he would feel the shadows of grief and guilt around him. It should have been Jiraiya going on this mission, not him. Maybe Asuma too. But that was not the way things had worked out.
Sabaku Temari had come to the gate to see her brother off. She had looked at him across the crowd, a long, enigmatic look. They had not really spoken since before Neji's trial. After he had helped Neji escape from the prison, she had pretended not to see him if their paths crossed. He hoped this look now meant that he was forgiven.
In another time, another universe, they might have ended up together.
He, Naruto, Gaara and Genma were the Suna team. They had passed Iwagakure, with its heavy dark red and gray cliffs, on their way to the Lightning Village to meet up with Killer Bee and Darui. They did not go into the village; different teams would be forming alliances with the Southern villages.
Killer Bee and Naruto were both loud and boisterous, trash talking each other and joking around. Darui, riding with them, was quieter but seemed pretty laid-back. Naruto was full of questions and half-baked myths about the North Country; Killer Bee, who had traveled widely, was happy to set him straight.
Behind them, Shikamaru, Gaara and Genma rode mostly in silence. Gaara was one of the most taciturn people Shikamaru had ever known; if you got two words out of him in a day it was a lot. Only Naruto, on the first leg of the journey, had gotten him to open up a bit. But then Naruto could get a stone to talk to him. He had that gift.
Naruto turned in his saddle to look back at them. "How come you guys aren't saying anything?" he demanded.
"I'm a man of action, not words," Genma said, shifting the senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. He could be a bit of a wiseass at times, but the presence of Gaara seemed to have rendered him more serious.
"I'm thinking," Shikamaru said.
"Haha, you're a genius, you're always thinking!"
In truth, he was grateful for the lack of chatter, relieved to be left alone with his thoughts.
Neji was alive! Against all odds, he had made it back to Konoha, and in good enough condition to get the scroll to his Kazekage – no, wait, they had a hokage. Sarutobi Hiruzen, that was his name.
But no, he cautioned himself. He did not know for certain that Neji was alive. All that he definitely knew was that the scroll had gotten safely to Konoha's hokage. There were other scenarios he could imagine, where something happened –
He willed himself not to go down those dark and fearful paths. He had to think of his mission, his village. The important thing was that Sarutobi had gotten the scroll, and had been amenable to an agreement. That was a huge step forward. And then –
He allowed himself a little cautious excitement. He had a plan. If this meeting went well, and if the beginnings of an alliance could be brokered between the two nations – there would need to be further meetings, strategy, paths of communication. There would most likely need to be emissaries, going back and forth between the two countries.
Perhaps…a team of two?
Perhaps…a good strategist, and a smart and skilled warrior, someone who was familiar with both nations?
"Stop here for the night," Killer Bee called back, pointing to where they could see a medium-sized town up ahead. They were making good time, going the most direct route. Not like the route he had given Neji, which kept to the outskirts of the land. It had been necessary, of course, as Neji was a wanted criminal. But when he remembered that day, knowing Neji had almost died in the desert, he still felt sick.
Always, he felt Neji with him, a silent shadow. When the small towns they stopped in treated them to a sumptuous banquet, he would think of Neji, scavenging for what little sustenance he could find in the desert. When they put them up in the most luxurious quarters, so honored to have two almost heads of state visiting their town, Shikamaru would think of Neji, sleeping on rocks and sand.
As they crossed into the North Country, the terrain began to change dramatically. Naruto and Killer Bee fell silent, looking around them in amazement. Shikamaru came out of his thoughts to gaze in awe, and even the usually impassive Gaara sat up straighter and stared. The dense, leafy trees, some of them fifty feet tall or more; the crowded towns full of tall, squared buildings and people bustling everywhere on foot rather than horseback. It was like nothing any of them had ever seen before.
The colors were so bright, Shikamaru observed. Buildings painted vivid red, pink, green, blue; even the trees were not the uniform green he had expected, but shades of orange, yellow, and burgundy. Now he knew what Neji had meant when he said the South was all the same color. It did seem much more monochromatic compared to these towns and villages. With all this color, he wondered, why did Neji's clan choose to only wear black and white?
The people looked different too, most with dark hair and pale skin like Neji, although none of them had the pale eyes Neji had said were his clan's trademark. Like Neji had at first, they dressed much more modestly, with longer sleeves and many layers, although that could also be because it was so much cooler here. As their team continued North, they pulled their cloaks around them and changed from sandals into boots. Killer Bee said the season was "late fall, heading into winter," but no one but him really comprehended what that actually meant. It was chillier at night; that they were used to, but even with the sun high in the sky during the day it was only passably warm, not hot at all.
The horses acted a little spooked as well. Only Killer Bee's massive steed, Gyuki, and, surprisingly, Doshi – who at other times could be a little high strung – seemed unfazed. Riding through a forest, it was so strange, so many trees, so close together that you could hardly see the sky. In the darker areas, Shikamaru was amazed to see mushrooms growing. Mushrooms were grown in the South Country, of course, but he had never seen any like these.
"Don't eat those," Killer Bee warned, seeing the direction of Shikamaru's gaze. "They'll kill you instantly."
They glimpsed some deer among the trees, larger and with broader antlers than the deer the Nara clan raised. Here and there the ground was covered with a soft, spongy green substance.
"What kind of sand is that?" Naruto asked, squinting at it in puzzlement.
Killer Bee laughed. "It's moss, dude."
Moss. Shikamaru digested that. Was there moss in the forests of Konoha?
###
"You can tell which way is north, by looking at where the moss grows on the trees."
Neji had gathered his young students in the forest of Konoha. He was going over some basic training and reconnaissance skills before putting them through their fighting drills. In a few days, there would be a mini-tournament held for students from the village and a few neighboring villages, hosted by the Hyuuga clan.
"Okay, climbing drills. Go all the way to the top of that tree, survey the area, come back down and tell me what you saw."
He had gotten some time off to train them, while his team prepared for a routine class B mission. The students were in high spirits, pumped for the tournament, and he was pleased with their progress. One or two looked quite promising.
"I saw nothing, sensei."
"Really," Neji said, raising an eyebrow. "You just saw a blank void below you?"
"Well, I saw a rabbit." A couple of students snickered surreptitiously at that.
"So," Neji said, giving them a stern look, "when you are on a mission and there could be enemies in the woods, when your sensei asks if you saw anyone or any sign that anyone has been in the area, you will tell him or her you were looking at rabbits instead?"
The students dropped their eyes to the ground, abashed. "No, sensei," the one who had seen the rabbit muttered.
"Do not look at wildlife. We are not fighting rabbits. Check the area for humans or any sign of human activity."
"Yes, sensei."
"Next team go up, and please give a better report."
He was in line to become the head of the Hyuuga Fighting and Training forces. Since he was still only eighteen, and not yet a jonin, he would start with these young students. Next year, he would take the jonin exam, and then be qualified to train some actual shinobi.
As part of the tournament, after the young students had competed, he would be expected to give a demonstration of his own sword skills. He planned to fight three opponents at once. He was certain he could defeat them; in his head he was already planning out the moves.
Like Shikamaru used to do.
He shook that thought away. This kind of exhibition – showing off his skills and winning decisively before the older clan members – was what he had dreamed of when he was younger. How often in his fantasies had he stood victorious, the genius, the prodigy. Now, he found, he did not really care what the elder members of the clan thought of him. His demonstration was a means to an end; to demonstrate for his students and the other villages the strength of Konoha and the Hyuuga clan.
"Okay, sparring. Get a practice sword and pair off."
Some students picked the toughest opponent, to test themselves. It was what Neji would have done. Others picked someone they thought they could beat easily, to look good in the eyes of the sensei. That was what Shikamaru would have done, he knew, not to look good even but just to avoid working too hard. Neji had been contemptuous of that at first, putting it down to weakness and cowardice. But his experience with Shikamaru had taught him that it was not as simple as that. Shikamaru was not the strongest physical fighter, so he saw no need to waste his energy on that. But when his mind was engaged, there was no one more sharp and strategic.
"You, hold your sword higher. You, keep your back foot in position to pivot."
He had gotten what he wanted. Hinata had gotten what she wanted. He should have been triumphant. But he found his thoughts wandering to the mission his team was on; routine though it might be, he almost wished he were there with them. Not to mention that compared to what was happening in Suna, actively being attacked by the Akatsuki, this small tournament seemed unimportant and frivolous.
Shikamaru's words came back to him: We're not training for tournaments. We're training for missions.
Even his trip across the miles to get back to Konoha – exhausting, long, and dangerous as it had been – had felt meaningful, because he had the letter of treaty to deliver, a promise to Shikamaru to keep.
What was he doing now, while others risked and sometimes lost their lives against Akatsuki?
He didn't agree with Shikamaru that tournaments were a waste of time and energy. They were useful for measuring skills, and as a way for his students to gain experience against a variety of opponents in a safe situation.
"There's an opening; go for it."
The student – one of his best – did, his aggressive quickness catching his opponent off guard and earning an approving nod from Neji.
It wasn't really trivial, all this, he thought. He wasn't only training them for this tournament. He was preparing them to be the next generation of shinobi.
But he couldn't stop thinking of Shikamaru – wondering what he was doing right now, if he was fighting the Akatsuki, if he was all right.
###
"ALL RIGHT! Look at that – we made it!"
Shikamaru felt his heart pounding like a festival drum. They had crested a hill and there, in the distance, were the massive gates of Konoha.
Even from this far away, they appeared just as Neji had described them. The terra cotta stones; the huge pipes running up the sides; the Konoha symbol above. The gates, the turquoise color of weathered copper, were open. As they got closer, he could read the letters on them, A N, hidden.
The guards at the gate straightened up as they approached, looking both wary and excited to meet the Southern delegation. Killer Bee and Naruto dismounted and presented them with the paperwork and scroll from the Kazekage. A couple of teams of genin were waiting there to welcome them as well. The most confident one introduced himself as Konohamaru, grandson of the Hokage. His teammates, awestruck, could not stop staring at the strange new visitors from the South.
They stabled the horses, and then were escorted to the inn where they would be staying, to get cleaned up and settle in. Each visitor had been assigned a young genin who would be responsible for them while they were in Konoha. There would be a formal reception banquet that evening, and then tomorrow the talks would begin. Until then they had some free time. With Konohamaru leading the way, Naruto, Killer Bee and Darui headed out to sample Konoha ramen and do some sightseeing. Gaara and Genma stayed at the inn.
Shikamaru had a bath and changed out of his traveling clothes. He went downstairs to find his appointed genin, a girl with two brown ponytails named Moegi. "Excuse me, I have to deliver something to a member of the Hyuuga clan. Do you know where I can find them?"
"Of course!" Moegi said enthusiastically. "I can take you to the Hyuuga compound. Did you need to see the leader of the clan, or – ?"
"I'm looking for Hyuuga Neji," Shikamaru said, feeling a thrill at the very words. He was here, in Neji's village! "Do you know him?"
"Oh, wait, then, there's a mini tournament going on, for the students of the Fighting and Training Force. I think he trains the students. And – " her eyes lit up and she leaned toward him conspiratorially "—my cousin works in the Hyuuga stables and she told me there's going to be a big announcement soon. Hyuuga Hinata – do you know who she is? The head of the clan's daughter?"
"I know of her, yes," Shikamaru said.
"Well – Hyuuga Hinata is going to be marrying her cousin Hyuuga Neji!"
Shikamaru felt the news like a body blow; like the first time he had tried to ride Shadow too soon and gotten slammed to the ground. "Really?" he croaked out, trying to keep his expression neutral.
Moegi nodded. "He had to take a test to win her hand and everything!" It was clear she regarded this as highly romantic. To Shikamaru, it felt like a nail had been driven into his heart. So Neji had really wanted this; he hadn't just been forced into it by his clan.
"…I mean," Moegi was saying, "no one is supposed to know this really, they haven't announced it yet, so you didn't hear it from me."
Shikamaru nodded numbly. He willed himself to stop feeling this way. If Neji was getting married; if he was training the students of the Fighting Force as he had often told Shikamaru he had wanted to do; if he was happy – wasn't that what Shikamaru had wanted? He tried to listen to what Moegi was saying as she pointed out places of interest in Konoha as they walked to the arena, and respond with enthusiasm and polite inquiries. But inside he was a jangle of emotions.
"Here we are. I'll take you to where the Hyuugas sit; they have their own box there." Moegi pointed up at the largest and most imposing box, directly overlooking the center of the arena.
There were two young women sitting in the box as they approached. They got to their feet, the one who looked a little older making a pretty bow, and the younger giving a perfunctory bob of her head while staring at them with avid curiosity.
They were smaller, their hair shorter and slightly darker than Neji's hair, but it was their eyes that made Shikamaru catch his breath, feeling as though he had just had an electric shock. They were the distinctive eyes of the Hyuugas, pale eyes ringed with dark lashes.
Neji's eyes!
"Hinata-sama," Moegi said to the older of the two, "this visitor has come from Suna looking for Neji-san."
Shikamaru bowed deeply to her. "My name is Nara Shikamaru. I knew Neji during his time in –"
Hinata looked very surprised and flustered, but pleased. "Nara-san! Of course…welcome! Neji has told us all about you. I am his cousin Hinata, and this is Hanabi." Hanabi gave a little nod of her head. "But what brings you all this way to – to Konoha?"
"I'm here with others on a diplomatic mission, and I wanted to stop by and see Neji –"
Moegi made a little bow and backed out. "Nara-san, I will be waiting right outside for you."
Shikamaru thanked her distractedly. "You don't have to wait; I can find my way back to the inn."
Moegi looked shocked at this suggestion. "No, it's my assignment to look after you at all times and escort you wherever you want to go."
"So Neji really does have a friend in the South," Hanabi exclaimed. "We wondered if he was just making it up."
"We did not wonder that," Hinata said reprovingly. "Of course Neji has friends."
She obviously cares for him, too, Shikamaru thought. To cover the rush of emotion he was feeling, he opened his bag and presented them with the gifts he had brought, some of the handcrafted items and preserved foods that were specialties of Suna. He had taken care not to include anything too spicy. They thanked him profusely; like Neji, they both had impeccable manners.
"I'm sorry that you have missed seeing Neji's students compete," Hinata said, looking regretful. "They did very well."
"He is an excellent teacher," Shikamaru said, around the ache in his throat. "And one of the finest men I have ever met."
Hinata smiled warmly. "He has spoken so highly of you also."
"I hope the two of you will have a very happy life together."
Hinata looked momentarily confused, then she flushed a bright pink.
"He thinks you're marrying Neji," Hanabi snickered.
"Oh! N-n-no! I mean…"
"That was just to fool Dad," Hanabi said, as if she were explaining it to a two-year-old. "So they could make a deal with him. Neji gets to train the fighters and Hinata gets to be with her bug guy."
Hinata shot her a stern look.
"Neji's our cousin," Hanabi said.
"Well," Hinata put in, her flush deepening, "cousins do sometimes marry –"
"In some places," Hanabi said, looking askance at Shikamaru.
"—b-but Neji is really like a brother to me."
"That would be so gross. Almost as gross," Hanabi went on, with a mischievous glance at Hinata, "as how her boyfriend lets bugs crawl on him –"
"Shino is an entomologist," Hinata said, a steely note entering her voice. "His family studies insects for use in battle."
Hanabi opened her mouth to say something more and evidently thought better of it.
Shikamaru felt a flood of relief and wild hope. So it had just been idle gossip! Of course he should have known better. What had happened to his analytical mind? He was getting completely undone.
"But tell us, Nara-san," Hanabi said, her eyes bright with mischief, "who was Neji's girlfriend in Suna?"
"What?" Shikamaru said, bemused.
"We know he had one –"
"Hanabi!" Hinata scolded.
"—because he gets all moody and crabby, and stares at the sky all depressed, like a lovesick puppy—"
"Hanabi."
"And he ignores all the girls here in Konoha," Hanabi went on, undaunted, "All these girls are in love with him, it's so sickening, but he won't even talk to them."
"Hanabi, I am s-sure—"
"Plus, when he's not moping, he's so much nicer to us! Before, he always acted all high and mighty, like we were useless little cockroaches who were getting in his way."
Shikamaru grinned inwardly at this description of Neji.
"But since he came back, he helps us with our training, he listens when we talk…he even smiles sometimes!"
"Maybe being in a strange land made him appreciate his family more," Shikamaru suggested.
"I think he's in lo-ove," Hanabi sang. "And so do you, Onee-chan, admit it!"
Once again, Hinata turned pink. "I…well, we…ah, Neji has seemed more at peace since he got back…but also m-more…sad…sometimes."
"So tell us, Nara-san, who is she?" Hanabi asked eagerly.
"Neji is…very private about his feelings," Shikamaru said. "If there was a woman he loved in Suna, he never told me about it."
His attention was suddenly caught by hearing Neji's name; the announcer was speaking. A thrill went through him.
"Neji is about to do his demonstration now, before the older students have their competition," Hinata said, her eyes warm. "Please, join us here."
His heart thudding, Shikamaru bowed and took a seat next to her. Three people, none of them Neji, emerged from a doorway of the arena and arranged themselves in a triangular formation, in the formal sword stance. Then, walking out in a long, samurai-like outfit that must surely be those "traditional Hyuuga robes," that Neji had spoken of, was –
Neji.
He held his head high, and the Pet Mark was gone from his forehead. Only now, in this moment, seeing him without it, did Shikamaru realize how he had winced inside every time he had seen that mark on Neji's face.
Neji drew his sword and took his stance. He and his three opponents bowed to each other. Even though it was safety-capped, Shikamaru recognized the Masamune sword – Neji's father's sword! – almost identical to his own. He could not wait to tell Neji that he had the sword and what he had used it for.
Neji stood absolutely still for a moment. Then one of the referees raised his hand, and suddenly he was in wild motion, whirling, dancing, his sword flashing. Watching him, Shikamaru was reminded vividly of what a magnificent fighter Neji was; he could not speak, could not breathe. Only when he felt something under his hands did he realize he had risen from his seat and was gripping the railing.
It lasted only a short while, as Neji dispatched two of his opponents with lightning speed and mastery. Glancing back at Neji's cousins to make sure he was not blocking their view, Shikamaru saw that Hinata was beaming with pride, while Hanabi was perched on the edge of her seat, watching intently.
Neji did a sweeping spin that Shikamaru recognized as a kaiten, elegantly eliminating his final challenger. Applause swelled as he stood in the center of the arena and made a deep, formal bow. Shikamaru noticed that his hair had grown back, not as long as it had been when he was in Suna, but well past his shoulders. Neji glanced upward, to the Hyuuga box. Shikamaru knew he must be grinning like an idiot. He raised one hand in a wave.
Neji's face went white and he stood as if stunned, just staring at where Shikamaru stood. The sword slipped from his hand, falling on the ground next to him. For a long moment he seemed frozen; Shikamaru had the peculiar sensation that time itself had stopped. Then Neji hurriedly bowed again, picked up his sword, and left the arena.
Shikamaru felt dazed. He realized he was shaking. They all waited for Neji to reappear. Shikamaru could feel his very blood pounding. He thought about what he would say to Neji; he wondered if they would be able to speak freely. He wasn't sure how much Neji's cousins knew of his time in the South.
"He definitely saw you!" Hanabi said.
"Yes, he looked very surprised," Hinata said. "I'm sure he'll come and find us," she added.
The pairings for the older student matches had gone up on the board. Shikamaru could see the students below, some standing ready, some getting last bits of advice from their senseis; some doing stretches. The first match began. But still Neji had not come out.
Hanabi, appearing almost as impatient as Shikamaru felt, leaped up. "I'm going to go find him and tell him you're here!" She dashed off down the steps. Shikamaru waited in a fever of anticipation for Neji to come into view. He wanted with all his heart to run down the steps himself, find Neji, see him face to face and speak to him. But he knew this would be a breach of protocol, probably extremely rude, and might even jeopardize their chances of an alliance between North and South. So he sat in his seat, making polite conversation with Hinata.
"How is your family, Nara-san?"
"My family, umm…oh yes, they are all well, thank you. And how is your father, and the rest of your clan?"
"He is very well, thank you. Have you seen much of Konoha yet?"
"No, not yet. This was my first stop. I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing the sights."
"Oh, of course…you are here on a mission."
"Yes…" He told her a little about the mission, the hopes for an alliance, keeping it in the most general terms.
"I think it would be w-wonderful, if there was an alliance between our two countries," Hinata said quietly. She had a little stutter, Shikamaru noticed, when she felt strongly about something. She started to say more, then stopped. Shikamaru wondered if she felt as he did, that their mutual closeness to Neji was making it hard to keep up this polite chitchat right now. They fell silent, both pretending to watch the match going on below.
Hanabi was coming back, without Neji, walking slowly and frowning. They both turned to her as she reached the box.
"He won't come out."
"W-what do you mean?" Hinata asked, her voice full of concern.
"He had locked the door. I told him to come out, I told him his friend was here, and he yelled at me to go away and leave him alone!"
Hinata looked shocked, glancing at Shikamaru in concern. Shikamaru did not know what to say. If hearing of Neji's possible marriage before had felt like a blow, this was a direct gut punch. He realized now that Neji had not looked happy in the least to spot Shikamaru sitting with his cousins.
Neji did not want to see him.
Awkwardly clearing his throat, he stood up, trying to hide how completely devastated he felt.
"Ahh, I…I have…things I have to attend to. It was a great honor meeting you both. Please –"
"No, Nara-san, wait!" Hinata said, jumping to her feet. "Please – let me talk with him, I will –"
But an uncomfortable scene where Neji's cousins forced him to interact with Shikamaru, when he was making it clear he did not want to, was the last thing Shikamaru wanted. Neji would no doubt be excruciatingly polite, and Shikamaru did not think he could endure that right now.
"No, really, I have to go, they are expecting me back." This was not really true; he was not expected back until later. But he felt he could not stay there any longer. "Please give Neji my regards, and please give him these." He had brought a couple of things for Neji as well; he handed them to Hinata.
"Nara-san…please don't go," Hinata said, sounding very distressed. "I-I'm sure Neji is…"
But Shikamaru was already making his way out of the box with alacrity, to where Moegi was waiting outside. He could not stand to listen to her talk about the Hyuugas right now, or face Naruto and Killer Bee's boisterous chatter. He had to get out of there and be alone for awhile.
"Moegi, I need to leave the village. Can you take me back to the stables?"
Moegi's eyes rounded. "I'm…not sure I'm allowed to leave the village."
"That's fine. It's something I have to do alone anyway. Once I leave the village, you're no longer required to stay with me." He was making it sound like an official, clandestine mission of some kind, he knew, and it was successful; Moegi accepted his story and escorted him back to the stables.
"Will you be back for the banquet tonight?" Moegi asked anxiously, as he rode out through the gates he had come in through with such excitement just a short while ago.
"Uhhh…yes, yes, of course." This mission was vital, and he would not do anything to jeopardize it. But for now, he wanted to get as far away from Konoha as possible.
He could not think about the mission now. He could not think about anything right now. All his thoughts felt scrambled, broken, kicked and bleeding. He wanted to find a patch of grass to lie in and stare at the clouds as he always did. But even that might not be any comfort now.
Before his journey he had prepared himself for all kinds of negative outcomes, as he always did before missions, examining different scenarios and readying himself to face them. And, he reminded himself, this was far from the worst case scenarios he had imagined. Neji was alive, he had reached his village safely, he was healthy. He had even realized his dream of gaining a position of power in his clan. He had everything he wanted.
But, evidently, everything Neji wanted did not include Shikamaru.
He had pictured so many versions of how their meeting might go. He had prepared himself for the possibility that Neji might refuse his offer; that he might prefer to stay in Konoha with his clan; that he might have bad memories of his time as a Pet, or of Shikamaru's flawed planning, sending him along a river that was dry. He had told himself that Neji wouldn't necessarily welcome him with open arms. He had been prepared to deal with Neji's anger, or coolness, or regret. He had even prepared himself for the possibility of what he had heard from Moegi, that Neji might have feelings for someone else.
He had never imagined that Neji would not even see him or speak to him, that he would turn his back without a word, at the very sight of Shikamaru. He had thought that he would at least be able to hear Neji's voice, see him face to face. Even if there were lingering hard feelings.
He had never imagined that Neji would actually hate him, so much so that he wanted nothing to do with him.
The trail was getting steeper and more difficult, and he was glad of it, because it gave him something else to think about, something concrete and practical that did not involve emotion. Soon enough, it would all overwhelm him again. For now though, he had to get down this rocky path without the horse breaking a leg.
He gripped the reins and tried to focus his mind.
###
Neji closed his eyes and tried to focus his mind.
He had told himself a thousand times, Shikamaru was gone from his life. He had focused on putting it all behind him. He had struck a deal with his uncle, that if Hiashi let Hinata marry who she wanted to, Neji would withdraw his claim to her and would work on training her and the fighting forces. Eventually, they would lead the clan together. It turned out that the teammate she wanted to be with, Shino Aburame, was from an old and distinguished family of Konoha. Hiashi had not found him that objectionable after all, particularly not when the alternative was someone who was practically her brother.
In the months that had passed, he had put his energies into getting the young fighters ready for this upcoming demonstration. They had done very well, taking first and second place, and eight of the top ten spots. Filled with pride and satisfaction, he had done his sword demonstration, and then had reflexively looked up at the family box as he took his bow.
And then…
…instead of seeing only his cousins there applauding, he had seen…
…Shikamaru…
…step forward into the sunlight.
Neji felt everything, all the breath and blood and bone in his body, rush out in that moment. His father's sword slipped from his numb fingers, dropping to the ground. The crowd was cheering, but he heard nothing. Everything felt suffused with Shikamaru; he remembered how it had felt to touch him, to smell him, the sound of his voice. Shikamaru was smiling, squinting a little in the bright sun, dressed in his mission clothes, his strong hands gripping the railing of the box, the way they had gripped Neji's shoulders when…
Neji could feel himself struggling to breathe, a wave of emotion crashing over him like a tsunami. Every muscle in his body was trembling, his eyes stinging. He was a moment away from breaking into uncontrolled sobs and rushing up to fling himself into Shikamaru's arms.
He could not do that. Not in front of all the elders and all his young students, everyone watching at that moment. He could not make a complete fool of himself, when he didn't even know what was going on. Was Shikamaru even there, or was he hallucinating? Had Shikamaru really travelled all the way here, to Konoha? Did it have something to do with the letter of treaty?
Clenching his jaw to keep his face impassive, he made another deep bow, picked up his father's sword, and strode swiftly off to the small dressing room in the back, which only the Hyuuga clan used. He locked the door behind him, then slid down to sit on the floor.
He shut his eyes and took some deep breaths, struggling mightily to get his emotions under control, but he could not. He felt like the snow globe Hanabi had had as a child, when she had taken it and shaken it so hard the little people and temple and bridges had come loose, everything askew and falling about and unable to be righted.
Dimly, he heard her calling his name, pounding on the door.
He stayed there, silent, clutching his father's sword as if he were a drowning man and it was a branch.
"Neji! Neji! Are you coming out?"
"No," he barked at her.
"But –" She was yammering on and he wished she would shut up. He needed to clear his mind, calm down, and perhaps in time be able to go out there and greet Shikamaru in a dignified way.
"Just go away and leave me alone!"
Mercifully, she did.
###
He had been a fool, Shikamaru thought; he had listened to Neji's cousins' farfetched romantic notions and let his heart con him into believing every word. There were a thousand reasons why Neji might be moody now that he was back in Konoha. Anyone could see that. But Hinata was in love herself, and Hanabi was very young, so of course they had concocted this idea that he must be lovestruck.
He had deceived himself, too, with the memory of Neji's last words to him – what he had taken to be a confession. Maybe he had misunderstood and that was not at all what Neji had meant to say; maybe it was guilt, or a sense of duty, that had made Neji want to stay. Or maybe it was the "caged bird" syndrome – Neji not thinking clearly.
And the pain in his leg – what he had taken to be Neji's answering injury after he had been wounded – how ridiculous was that notion? You couldn't feel what someone else was feeling across a thousand miles, and was Neji even the kind of person who would do something like that in the first place?
He had clung to these small ribbons of hope, weaving himself a fantasy that had fallen away in the harsh sunlight of the Hyuuga arena.
He had overlooked and excused away the fact that Neji had tried to kill him.
Had he ever really known Neji at all?
The thought that he had not filled him with an enormous sadness. He shook his head at himself; it was almost laughable. He had always been the logical one, the calm one. But here he was, the biggest romantic fool of all.
###
"Neji-nii-san! What is wrong? Are you injured?"
Neji looked up and focused his vision, startled that he was not alone. Hinata was standing in the doorway, the key in her hand, breathing hard, as if she had run all the way down from their box.
Wordlessly, not looking at her, he shook his head.
"Your…your friend is here, from Suna…Nara-san, he came all the way from Suna! Didn't you see him?"
So it was really Shikamaru. Sensing her eyes upon him, he gave the barest of nods.
"T-then why…oh!" A terrible thought seemed to hit her and she gasped. "Neji – is that man not really Nara-san?"
Neji met her eyes, wide with worry. Again he shook his head. "That is Shikamaru," he said in a low voice.
"But…I don't understand…his family was so kind to you…he came all this way…and brought such lovely gifts for our family…and he looked so…so g-glad and excited to see your battle…and you did not even greet him, or offer him any hospitality, not even a meal or a cup of tea, even…why…? Why did you just w-walk away from him like that?"
Neji felt the words choking him, like stones blocking a river.
Hinata's voice changed, becoming gentler. "Nii-san, what is wrong? I have never seen you like this!"
Neji could only shake his head again.
"He asked that I give you these," Hinata said. Neji looked up. In her hands were a package tied with a thick silk ribbon, and a scroll. His own hands trembling, he took them from her. The package was heavy and soft. He pulled the ribbon loose and unfolded the wrappings, unsure what to expect.
Midnight blue silk…midnight shading into periwinkle blue…wild birds in flight…
"Oh!" Hinata exclaimed. "How beautiful! And all hand-embroidered…oh, it's a kimono! Oh my…what an incredible gift…"
While Hinata continued to unfold the kimono, exclaiming over the workmanship and the exquisite coloring and embroidery, Neji broke the seal on the scroll and unrolled it.
It contained two documents. The first was signed by Lady Tsunade, the Kazekage of Suna, stating that in light of his efforts in helping bring about peace between the two countries, she was pardoning him for the crimes he had committed in Suna.
The second was just a single sentence, but it was more powerful and meaningful to Neji than all the pages of all the books in the world.
I, Nara Shikamaru, being of age and sound mind, do hereby declare my former Pet Hyuuga Neji to be a free and full citizen in the South Country and all its environs, and furthermore to be made an honorary member of the Nara Clan, with all rights, privileges and protections of that Clan.
Below it was the blunt, casually elegant signature he knew so well.
Nara Shikamaru
With one finger, Neji traced the signature. His vision blurred and he felt the tears he had been trying to hold back slide down his cheeks.
"It's him, isn't it?" Hinata's voice brought him out of his memories. He looked at her questioningly; he had almost forgotten she was there. Her eyes were wide as the realization dawned.
"He's the one you love…the one you had to leave. I thought…it was a woman…but it's him!"
Neji could not reply. He surely could not deny it.
"He is leaving, Nii-san! He thinks you do not want to see him – he told Moegi he is leaving the village!"
"Leaving?" Neji whispered in shock. But even hearing that, he still felt paralyzed, unable to move. In the next moment he found himself hauled unceremoniously to his feet.
"Go after him, Neji! He is leaving right now! I begged him to stay but he was too offended – no, not offended, that's not right – h-he was hurt by what you did." Hinata paused to take a breath. In a softer tone she went on. "I know you're scared –"
"I'm not scared," Neji said, although the words were somewhat belied by the fact that he was shaking like a leaf.
"Of course you're scared, Nii-san. Everyone is scared when they fall in love! I was, Shino was…I'm sure Nara-san was scared, coming here from Suna…"
Her earnest words hit him like a blow. What must Shikamaru have felt, making this long and dangerous journey into possibly hostile lands…only to have Neji turn his back like a frightened child. There had been no need for Shikamaru to come in person to give him these things; he could have sent the decree by messenger or simply signed it and removed the seal. And he was surely not taking time from his mission because he was interested in the performance of Konoha genins. He must have come for one reason only – to see Neji. And Neji had as good as spit in his face.
"But love is – is so worth it, Nii-san. You should have seen the way he smiled when you came out!"
If she had never seen him so weak, he had never seen her so strong – or so wise. Turning to her, he bowed deeply. "Thank you, Hinata-sama. You will truly be a great leader of our clan."
Hinata turned beet red, and stammered out something unintelligible, as Neji pivoted past her and took off at a run. He raced through the gates of the arena, through the streets of Konoha, heedlessly, pushing through throngs of people.
Where would Shikamaru go? Surely if he was here on a mission because of the letter of treaty, he would not have left the village entirely! But maybe he had, if he had come only to see Neji.
The stables! Of course, Shikamaru would have come on horseback. Would his horse be at the stables near the gates of Konoha, or at the Hyuuga compound? Neji decided to try the main stables at the gates; most travelers who came on horseback brought their horses there.
"Excuse me!" he demanded, only slightly winded. "Has a traveler from –" was it safe to let them know Shikamaru was from the South? "—from another – place – been here?"
"Whole bunch of 'em, this morning," said the laconic stableman.
A whole bunch – a delegation? Then perhaps the letter of treaty had done its work – perhaps an alliance was being brokered! But where was Shikamaru? "They are still here?"
"All but one; he just left."
"Was he about my height, with his hair up like this?" Neji mimed Shikamaru's spiky ponytail.
"Yup, that's right. Looked foreign."
"Which way did he go?" Neji demanded. "Did he leave the village?"
"Dunno, could be. He was headed that way."
Neji took off at a dead run for the gates of Konoha, racing, his heart pounding, the wind whipping his hair back. He scarcely felt the stones under his feet or the branches that slashed at his arms as he plunged through the forest, seeking out all the shortcuts he knew, the quickest ways to overtake the path. He was conscious of only one thing – his desperate desire to see Shikamaru again. How could he have just let Shikamaru leave that way? Pride, that had always been his downfall. Pride – and fear. He had been too proud, and too afraid, to let his feelings for Shikamaru show, and as a consequence of that he might lose the one person he could have given his heart to.
He could see a horse far ahead, picking its way down the rocky hillside through the underbrush. At first he impatiently scanned over it; the horse was smaller, and white, and he was accustomed to seeing Shikamaru riding only Shadow. But of course, he had Shadow. This must be Shikamaru's new horse. He redoubled his efforts, running as he had never run before, running as if his heart would burst.
###
He would not see Neji again, Shikamaru thought. He would have to accept that. It seemed impossible, but that was life. That was what it meant to be a shinobi. You took your losses, and moved on. There was the Akatsuki to fight, and the mission to complete.
Only…
From the moment he met Neji, his life had focused, more or less, on the beautiful long-haired stranger. Coming up with the plan to save him…nursing him back to health…slowly winning his trust and then becoming close friends…then the trial and all that had entailed…coming up with the plan to rescue Neji and give him his freedom…and finally this trip to Konoha. Neji was woven through it all. Shikamaru was under no illusions that he was the most important, or even a vital, member of the team on this mission. He had been added because of his hand in bringing this about – and he had come in large part to see Neji.
Yes, it was an important mission, and he would still work to help bring about the alliance in whatever way he could. But his part as he envisioned it, he and Neji working together, that was not to be. Now, he felt adrift, empty.
###
But even the fastest man cannot overtake a horse, especially as the road evened out and opened up ahead, and the horse, becoming surer, picked up its pace. Neji could see the distance between them growing, even as he felt himself hopelessly slowing down, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his side aching. Winded, despairing, he sank to his knees in the dirt. He would never see Shikamaru again. No, he could not accept that. He would not accept it! With his last shred of strength, he did the only thing he could do.
"SHIKAMARU! SHIKAMAAAARUUU!"
Over and over he screamed Shikamaru's name
A flock of birds, startled, rose upward in a flash.
###
Doshi tossed her head and whinnied, her ears going up. Shikamaru jolted back to alertness, mentally cursing himself for his stupidity. He had been so lost in his own heartache that he had made the rookie mistake of neglecting to pay attention to his surroundings.
He looked around cautiously, but could see no one and nothing threatening. Perhaps, as the other horses had on the journey here, she was reacting to the unfamiliar landscape.
"C'mon, girl…it's fine."
At his urging, she started forward, but only went a few steps before stopping again, pricking up her ears and turning her head. He tapped her neck lightly to get her moving, but she was actually turning around now, intently focused on something she saw or heard back there.
Maybe she was tired from all the traveling, and balking at being out again, Shikamaru thought. With a sigh, he had to admit she had a point. She had put in a lot of miles, and deserved a rest.
In the distance, several birds suddenly flew up out of the trees, as if spooked by someone or something. More alert now himself, he unhooked the cover to his weapons pouch.
"Ok, Doshi, just go slow and easy."
They trotted through the woods, Doshi eagerly straining forward, Shikamaru more wary. As they crested the hill, Shikamaru suddenly saw what she did: something on the ground that might be human or animal. He shielded his eyes from the sun with a hand, trying to see better what it was.
The tiny figure spotted them at the same time, and leaped up, and now Shikamaru saw it was a person, a person running toward them at top speed.
And then, he made out the white and black robes, the long legs, the long hair – and he relaxed his grip on the reins and urged Doshi forward, into a gallop.
As the horse came apace of Neji's running figure, Shikamaru reached down and grabbed Neji's hand and Neji put a foot onto the stirrup and vaulted up onto the saddle facing him. And then Neji was in his arms, solid and hard and real, his silky hair, the feel and scent of his skin, his arms embracing Shikamaru tightly, his face pressed into Shikamaru's neck and his tears mingling with Shikamaru's. For a long time they just stayed that way, gripping each other as if they would never let go. Shikamaru did not trust his voice to speak. He just wanted to breathe Neji in, hold onto him forever.
Finally Doshi, not the most patient of horses, shifted and shook herself. Shikamaru relaxed his arms and pulled back slightly so he could look at Neji's face. At that, another swell of emotion surged through him, and he could not resist: he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Neji's.
Kissing Neji felt like coming home, even in this strangest and most faraway of lands.
After a moment, Neji drew back, studying his face. "Thought you would never be with a slave."
"I wouldn't," Shikamaru told him. "I wouldn't be with you until you came to me a free man, of your own accord."
This time it was Neji who kissed him.
###
After a while Doshi made it known that she was strongly dissatisfied with just standing still in the middle of a forest, especially with two men on her back, when she had just come off a long and arduous journey. They dismounted and Shikamaru tethered her to a branch, where she nibbled grass and wildflowers while he and Neji strolled through the forest.
"Shikamaru…I'm sorry for the way I acted before. I just didn't know what to think…I couldn't believe it was really you there."
Shikamaru squeezed his arm. "Yeah…I still can't believe I'm really here." He tipped his head back, looking up at the tall trees in wonder. "Seeing you…and your village…meeting your cousins…"
He told Neji about the journey to the North and the mission. Neji was happy to hear that Naruto was there; he remembered Gaara, Killer Bee, and Genma. Neji told him of his adventures traveling North, the lizard, the bandits, the bean fields.
"I'm so sorry I fucked up the directions," Shikamaru said, his voice cracking on the words. "You and Shadow almost died in the desert."
"It's fine," Neji said. "You told me Shadow could find water, and he did." A thought occurred to him. "Have you seen him yet?"
Shikamaru shook his head.
"You have to come and see him," Neji said. "Wait – come with me." He turned and headed up a ridge, climbing surefootedly through the brush with Shikamaru following, until they came out onto a high plateau. Below them, the entire village of Konoha was spread out.
"There – that is the Hokage Mountain. Those are all our Hokage carved on there."
As Shikamaru gazed at it, Neji took his arm and drew him along, pointing.
"And there – over there are the Hyuuga lands, and my house."
"I had a dream one time that I saw your village, and your house," Shikamaru said wonderingly. "We were kids, and we walked across the stars, and you showed me your house."
"You dreamed about me?"
"More than once." Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Did you dream about me?"
Neji flushed, looking down. A light breeze blew, and leaves fluttered down around them. One landed in Neji's hair and Shikamaru brushed it away.
"You should come to the banquet tonight," Shikamaru said. "After all, you're the one who made all this possible."
"Me?" Neji shook his head. "No, it was all you."
"I had the easy part. All the time, traveling here, I couldn't believe you really did this, on your own."
"No…not on my own."
The leaves were all different colors: red, deep maroon, orange, yellow, rust. They were piled high everywhere, falling around them as they spoke. Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves.
"Are these trees okay? It looks like all the leaves are turning yellow and falling off."
Neji laughed. "I have to tell you about seasons, my friend."
"We have seasons in Suna," Shikamaru objected.
"Hot, hotter, rainy, not quite so hot."
"When did you become such a wiseass?"
Neji smirked. "I have a wiseass friend…"
They walked back down the ridge to where Doshi was tethered, and sat under a tree, still talking. Neji told Shikamaru of his cousins' reaction to the Spice of Life he had brought, and of riding Shadow each day. Shikamaru told him of Naruto's questions about the South, and of finding his new horse.
"I should probably head back soon," Shikamaru sighed, after a time. "Moegi will be frantic."
Neji raised a eyebrow fractionally. "Who is Moegi?"
"The genin who's assigned to escort me around the village and keep an eye on me. She's very conscientious."
"You don't need a genin," Neji said decisively. "I will be your escort. And you can stay with me instead at the hotel. How long are you staying?"
"A week, depending on how the meetings go. If all goes well, we'll also be traveling on to some other villages here in the North." Shikamaru hesitated, then plunged on. "I was thinking…we could probably use someone familiar with the North with us."
Neji was looking at him intently. Shikamaru told him of his plan, that the alliance would need lines of communication, would need a team of emissaries…
"I mean, you don't have to travel all the way back – but if you could spare a few days here in the North, we could –"
"Yes."
Shikamaru blinked.
"Yes, I would like to travel with you, Shikamaru. I would like to fight against the Akatsuki with you. I would like to see the South again. I would like to be your partner. Yes."
Shikamaru put a hand over his eyes, looking like he might start crying again. After a moment he lifted his head and looked at Neji.
"But I don't want to mess up your life here. You seem happy. Are you?"
Neji gave a wry smile. "My cousin asked me the same thing."
"You got everything you wanted. I'm glad for you, Neji."
"Everything I thought I wanted," Neji said. The sun was growing low in the sky, dappling their faces with shadows and light. "Shikamaru…" He seemed to be searching for the words. "Do you remember when you said…you wished you knew me as I really was, before Orochimaru?"
Shikamaru nodded.
"The truth is – I wasn't that different, before. I was angry. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't appreciate anything, or think of anyone but myself." He drew a deep breath. Shikamaru turned his head to look at him directly. "The truth is – he didn't change me. You changed me, Shikamaru. The person I am now – it's because of you."
"Neji…I feel the same." They were sitting under a very old pine tree, much taller than the gnarled, scrubby pines of Suna, so tall you could almost not see the top. Shikamaru picked up a pine cone, balancing it in his palm. "You made me get up off my butt – you kept pushing me to go beyond what I thought I could do." He laughed a little. "Yeah, I thought I knew what I wanted as well – to have an uneventful life, retire early and laze around playing shogi."
"And now you're on an international mission, fighting Akatsuki."
"I had to do that. Asuma…" Shikamaru swallowed. A rabbit hopped past them, maybe the same rabbit that Neji's students had spied. It was smaller than the long-eared, long-legged desert hares of Suna, and its tail was a white puff, rather than black. It stopped to gaze at them for a moment before darting away. "Asuma-sensei was killed by the Akatsuki."
"Yes," Neji said quietly. "I'm sorry."
"You heard about it all the way here?"
"No, I…" Neji flushed slightly, touching his fingertips to his forehead. Shikamaru looked at him wonderingly.
"So you felt it too…I always wondered if it was only me."
"No…" Neji looked down. "I felt it…that day you led your first mission. But one of the guards said it was…a Pet thing. So I…I didn't want to admit to it."
"And even across all these miles…"
A hawk was circling overhead, closer to the ground than the Suna hawks, who rode the high hot desert winds. The birds flew differently here. But they still flew.
I hope you dream of hawks…
Neji sat up a little, looking at Shikamaru. "You got injured, didn't you?"
"Yeah," Shikamaru said slowly. "My leg…" He tapped his thigh on the spot where Hidan's sword had sliced it open.
Neji was wearing looser, samurai style pants. He rolled them up to show Shikamaru the scar on his upper leg, healed now but still quite visible.
Shikamaru ran one finger along it. Neji shivered and caught his breath. Shikamaru covered the scar with his square brown hand. He raised his head and looked into Neji's eyes.
Neji laid his own hand over Shikamaru's, then slowly moved it upward, along Shikamaru's arm.
And then, there was no talking at all.
When they came up for air, Shikamaru's fingers were in Neji's tousled hair, and Neji's hand was under Shikamaru's mission vest. He looked at Shikamaru with a little smile.
"Thought you liked girls."
"I do like girls," Shikamaru told him. "Some of my best friends are girls." Doshi nickered loudly. "And my horse is a girl."
He pulled Neji closer. "But I love you, Neji."
#### END ####
A.N.: Well, there it is – finally finished! Thank you so much to all my readers who had the patience to stick with it through all this time! I can't post song lyrics here, but I urge you to go and listen to the beautiful song by U2 that inspired the title.
I would love to hear from you – what you thought, what you liked or didn't like. Even if you don't usually post a comment, even if English is not your first language (I guarantee your English is better than any second language I speak) – please do leave a note. Hearing from all of you makes the work worthwhile.
Also, I have a question: I have notes for another ShikaNeji fic, not as long and more based in canon (although I don't kill Neji off!). I don't know if there's still any interest in Naruto fics since the series finished, but if there is I will get to work on it. What do you think – interested in this or not?
Once again, arigato gozaimashita, thank you all so much for reading, commenting, questioning, favoriting! I have really enjoyed doing this, so much. Stay safe and happy! ~ Slashing Silk