Author Notes -
Restorative Justice Training:
I had another Restorative Justice training just last week. It was an intro to the philosophy with a few pointers for how to implement restorative justice in the virtual learning environment.
And there were a few reminders that served me well:
1) Restorative Justice is not a program. It is a way of life. And a way of life that I try to follow.
2) Participation in Restorative Practices is always supposed to be completely voluntary
3) During this time of virtual learning, it's more important than ever! (Even as it is more difficult to implement). So, it's time to learn and plan new things!
…
Chapter 3 - Circle Check-In
Chloé's sat cross legged with her right foot swinging back and forth rapidly. So fast, the white flat fell off her foot into the empty space in the circle of the six chairs Ms. Bustier had set up for their restorative circle. She hadn't made a centerpiece this time, and Chloé found herself missing the visual anchor point the collection of knick knacks usually provided, and the posters ordaining the back wall from their last research progress was not cutting it. And Chloé was desperate for any distraction as her gut felt like a ship trapped at sea during a monsoon. She was trying to ignore the sensation, as she instead glared at the four remaining empty seats anxiously waiting for the others to show up.
Ms. Bustier put a hand on her shoulder from the seat to her right.
"It's okay to be nervous, Chloé," she said gently. "This is a big step you're taking. However it goes, I'm proud of you for trying."
Chloé scoffed. She would never admit that the words calmed her if only a smidge. Surely, even if Marinette never forgave her, never let Chloé see Pollen again, this would still help the heroine, and by extension, Adrien. And maybe all of Paris. But Chloé could care less about that.
As if summoned by her thoughts, her childhood friend walked in at that moment. He was a solid ten minutes early, and the knot in her stomach loosened slightly.
This was going to happen. She was going to do this.
"Good afternoon, Adrien," Ms. Bustier greeted warmly. "Thank you for coming today. Feel free to take a seat anywhere in the circle."
"Good afternoon, Ms. Bustier. You asked me to come, so I came," he said with a polite smile. Then he turned to Chloé and his face softened. "Hey Chlo. I told Nathalie to give your butler a call to set something up for us." He was smiling at her genuinely. And it wasn't a fake model smile! And that made warmth burst in her chest. He wasn't mad at her the way he was mad at the others.
"That's great, Adri-kins! I can't wait!" Of course, he wasn't mad at her. She never kept secrets from him.
He moved to take the seat next to her until she threw her arms across the wooden seat to block him.
"No!" she objected. "You can't sit here!"
Adrien took a startled step back. "I can't?" he asked, completely perplexed. Even Ms. Bustier raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Césaire needs to sit here," Chloé announced haughtily, as if her arrogance alone would make her desires a reality.
It always seemed to work for her mother.
"Alya?" Ms. Bustier repeated. "Why?"
"Our circle will go better if Alya sits next to me," the blonde declared and snapped her lips closed without a word of explanation.
Her teacher sighed, but didn't comment, her attention on a purple clipboard in her lap.
"Umm… okay?" Adrien agreed, but his brows were furrowed together in complete confusion. "What's our circle about?" he asked.
"Betrayal," Chloé told him.
He laughed. She didn't. Neither did Ms. Bustier.
"Oh, you're serious," he quickly concluded, his face turning serious. He rubbed the back of his neck like he always did when he felt awkward. "I… I'm uh… I'm ready to listen?"
"Thank you, Adrien," the teacher said. "That's all we can ask."
He plodded over to the seat on the other side of the teacher. "So, is it okay if I sit over here?"
"Certainly!" Chloé beamed, the choppy storm in her stomach calming a bit.
Marinette entered that at that moment. Or rather, she tripped over the threshold and fell face first onto the classroom floor. She managed to mostly catch herself, but at the cost of dropping her back which hit the ground with a loud thud before sending her notes and pencils scattering across the room.
Chloé rolled her eyes at the scene. Marinette was so clumsy. To think, this was the defender of Paris.
The part time hero just laid there for a second. Adrien was already across the room at her side.
"Marinette!" Ms Bustier called. "Are you alright?
"Yeah," she groaned. "I'm fine. Nothing I haven't experienced ten times before," she said, her voice flat even as Adrien hauled her to her feet.
"Uh! Th-thank you!" she stammered, pink blooming across her cheeks as Adrien hauled her to her feet.
"Think nothing of it," he told her, his voice calm and polite. But he still wasn't looking at her.
Chloé couldn't help the burst of sadistic satisfaction that burst in her chest that Adrien was mad at his friends and not at her.
Nino showed up before Marinette had finished collecting her things off the floor.
Marinette sat next to Adrien without prompting. Nino tried to sit next to Chloé, no doubt to allow his girlfriend to sit next to her best friend.
Chloé was about to say something, but Ms. Bustier beat her to it. "Nino, would you please sit next to Marinette? That is apparently Alya's seat."
And Chloé was inordinately pleased that Ms. Bustier was just going along with her plan.
"Oh…" Nino said, dropping his bag onto the seat, and tugging with one arm on his own shoulder. "Umm… I'm not sure she's coming," he shared, settling into his seat and adjusting the brim of his red hat.
"What?" Chloé bit out.
Nino threw a startled glance in her direction. "Yeah, she said something came up with the twins?"
"But she has to be here! This won't work without her!" Chloé objected, storming to her feet with her hands thrown to either side in balled fists.
Marinette frowned at her. Ms. Bustier put a hand on Chloé's shoulder to gently urge her to sit back down, which she did.
But it didn't help her calm down.
Ms. Bustier turned her head towards the opposite side of the circle. "Nino, Marinette, can you both please text Alya and tell her that this is really important? And that we would be honored if she was willing to participate?"
They both whipped out their phones. Chloé did too.
Please! I know we're not friends, but this won't work without you. I need your help!
The moments ticked by.
"Did she respond?" Ms Bustier asked.
The others shook their heads.
Chloé gripped the side of her chair. She was going to kill Césaire. She should have known the other girl wouldn't trust her. She should have come up with a contingency plan.
Then her phone buzzed. She glanced at it.
I don't want to betray her.
You'll be helping her!
I might not ever play the flute again.
Chloé bit her lip in aggravation. Of all the stupid selfish way-to-miss-the-point objections.
But… insulting Alya wouldn't get her to show up.
The girl who gave you your flute is here.
There was no response. Her phone said that the message had been delivered.
The doorway remained empty.
Ms Bustier cleared her throat. "Chloé, would you like to continue with just the four of us? Or would you like us to reschedule for a day all five of you can attend?"
Chloé held up one finger. "Give me just a minute. She'll be here. I swear!"
"Is Alya texting you back?" Marinette demanded, her furious blue eyes glaring holes into Chloé's blouse.
Chloé ignored her in favor of tapping out her text.
She doesn't know it, but she needs you.
Alya's form filled up the doorway a few seconds later. She had to have been standing outside the whole time. She didn't step in. Just stood in the open door, her eyes flitting to each person in the circle in turn before landing on Chloé with a dark glare.
"Alya!" Ms. Bustier greeted. "I'm so glad you could make it after all. Would you please close the door and take a seat?"
The brunette hesitated for another instant, but then stalked to her seat.
"What about the twins?" Nino asked her, as she dropped her bag unceremoniously to the floor.
Only then did her hazel eyes leave Chloé's form. She smiled brightly at her boyfriend. "Nora said she could make it after all. Sorry to have kept you all waiting."
"That's okay," Ms. Bustier smiled warmly. "We'll begin now. Chloé has asked you all here today because she wants to make amends with all of you."
Marinette's bright blue eyes whipped to Chloé and her jaw fell open in shock.
"Chloé?" she echoed as if the words could not compute. "Wants to make amends?" Marinette's eyebrows rose into her hairline in shock. Nino just shrugged, and Adrien nodded to her with a small smile. He believed that she could do this.
Chloé's cheeks warmed, and she had to look back down into her lap.
"She could start by dropping the lies," Alya bit out sarcastically, slumping backwards into her chair.
Chloé winced. Alya hadn't figured it out.
Some reporter, Chloé thought scathingly.
"Which brings us to our usual agreements," Ms. Bustier cut in before the back and forth could take over. She held up the usual list. "I know tensions may get high in this room before this circle is over. That only makes these norms more important. I want to remind you all specifically to speak and listen with respect. Do you think you can manage that, Alya?"
The brunette hung her head. "Yes, Ms. Bustier."
"I encourage you all to also pay special attention to the "Speak your truth" norm. It is difficult to come to a place of healing if you don't get everything off your chest first. Are there any questions about that?"
They all looked at each other as if to see if anyone else would speak. No one did.
"And last, a reminder that every single one of you needs to respect the talking piece. It will always make a full circle so that after every revelation each of you will have a chance to share your thoughts and feelings. It can make things a bit awkward to wait for the piece to come to you to respond, and we may need a bit of practice if emotions get high. But try to remember to use it and to respect it. Can you all agree to these norms?"
Chloé was the first to throw her thumb up, but all the others quickly followed suit.
"So, to begin…"
"Actually, Ms. Bustier," Chloé interjected. She could barely hear the words leave her mouth over the roaring in her own ears. Her heart was threatening to stain her black and white striped shirt with red with it's valiant effort to leap out of her chest. "I was hoping we could start with a circle check-in? I prepared one myself."
The others stared at her in disbelief. Chloé never said anything during circles. Not ever. Even Nino had raised an eyebrow at her. Chloé felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She glanced away and her gaze landed on Adrien who was smiling at her in gentle encouragement. She lifted her chin proudly to look at Ms. Bustier straight on.
"Of course, Chloé. This is our talking piece for the day." She held up a little stuffed grey tabby kitten. It had black marbles for eyes and a little pink button for a nose. It was rather adorable. "It was a gift from a student last year. She specifically said she wanted it to be as a talking piece because she said it always made her calm. I call her Dottie."
Adrien chuckled. Marinette shook her head in disapproval of the silly joke. Chloé shaking with too many nerves to think about silly names. She instead clutched the soft striped kitten to her thudding chest.
"My prompt is simple. Your name and other… nicknames or alter egos you go by!" Chloé faced Alya's glare head on. "I'll go first."
"My name is Chloé, but others know me as Queen Bee."
Adrien laughed again. Marinette rolled her eyes. Nino was still a wall that Chloé had never learned to interpret.
Alya bit her lip.
Chloé held out the fake kitten to Alya, but she didn't let go even when the other girl accepted it into her hand. "I didn't lie," Chloé told her.
"What?"
"You said I needed to drop the lies. I didn't lie," Chloé said one more time, and let go of the fuzzy talking piece.
Alya's dark eyebrows furrowed together as she considered Chloé's words. She pet the fake kitten as her hazel eyes turned back to the group, and it only took a second when her eyes blew open as wide as the Seine. She turned back to Chloé in shock.
Chloé nodded. She had won this battle. But that fact did nothing to assuage her nerves. This was actually happening. And her stomach continued to churn.
Chloé ignored it.
"Alya?" Bustier prompted. "Are you alright?"
"Uh... yes... I'm fine. I just..." she took a deep breath. "My name is Alya. And some people call me… Rena Rouge."
Chloé wanted croon victoriously, but that would have ruined the dead silence that followed that pronouncement.
Adrien's face went blank - white as a ghost. Marinette turned pink, her fists clenched and shaking on her knees, and her eyes flashed, hot with anger. How many times had Chloé seen that look on Marinette's face? How many times had Chloé been the one to cause it?
Alya passed the piece to Nino. He held it dumbly for a second, his dark eyes searching his girlfriend's intently.
"You sure?" Nino asked her softly. It was good he didn't look at Marinette who was shaking her head in agitation.
Alya nodded once.
Nino turned back to the group with a megawatt smile. Chloé could almost see what Adrien saw in him at that moment. He was so trusting. That's all it took for him. No arguments. No reasons. Alya's word was all he needed.
What would it be like to have a friend like that?
"My name is Nino. I'm also Carapace."
He passed the piece to Marinette who was now shaking with the violence of an active volcano. But for once, Chloé was not on the receiving end of the do-gooder's rage. Marinette was shooting metaphorical daggers at her best friend.
"You planned this?" Marinette screeched. Her hands shook so hard it was amazing she hadn't dropped the talking piece. "With Chloé?!"
"Marinette, I-" Alya started.
"She didn't-" Chloé said simultaneously.
"Ladies," Ms Bustier interrupted smoothly. "Marinette has the talking piece. You will have a chance to share your piece, but now it's your turn to listen."
Chloé had to hand it to her. Ms. Bustier was taking the revelations in stride. She sat with one leg crossed over the other, her hands carefully placed on her knee, and all her attention was on Marinette. Her posture gave off only calm.
"Marinette, you do not have to share. You're always allowed to pass the piece," Ms. Bustier told her.
Chloé held her breath, praying and hoping with every muscle in her body that Marinette wouldn't derail this whole thing before it even began.
Marinette said nothing. Her eyes frantically shifted from one corner of the group even as she strangled the stuffed animal in her lap, causing it's black marble eyes to protrude out.
"Marinette?" Adrien prompted, turning to her in concern. "Are you okay?"
Her panicked blue eyes seized on his even as she gulped for air. She opened her mouth but no words came out.
"Guys, I think she's having a panic attack!" Adrien exclaimed, jerking his chair back. He kneeled down next to Marinette, but she didn't look at him.
She didn't seem to be looking at anything. Her eyes bugged out, seemingly sightless at the group around her, her face was ghostly pale, and her mouth worked soundlessly like it was searching for air when there was none to be found.
Chloé's chest constricted painfully at the sight, her hands tightened around her chair. She had heard the phrase, ''panic attack" so many times in her life, but she hadn't ever thought it would be like this. Not so physically awful.
She had never been so frightened. Not when her parents fought, often throwing things at one another in the heat of their arguments - things that broke and shattered. Not when she had been taken hostage by akumas, or had to face Hawkmoth as Queen Bee.
Because this was Ladybug.
Reduced to this helpless state through words.
Chloé's words. Chloé had done this to her. To the heroine of Paris.
Ms. Bustier stood up and kneeled down in front of Marinette. "Marinette, listen to me. Take my hand." Marinette seized on it. "Tell me one thing that you can see."
"Y-your earrings," she stuttered out, her blue eyes still overblown and wild.
"That's good. What color are they?" Ms. Bustier asked calmly.
Chloé had no idea why Ms. Bustier was asking these pointless questions, but she was calm, and Chloé took comfort from that.
"W-w-w…" Marinetted couldn't get the word out.
"Shhh…" Ms. Bustier soothed. "It's okay. Take a deep breath. Try again."
"White!" she said fiercely.
And Chloé breathed more easily. That determination. That was what Chloé expected from Ladybug.
And at that point, Chloé risked a glance at the others in the room. Adrien was biting his own knuckle, his eyes glued to Marinette. Alya and Nino had their hands clasped firmly together, but they were also watching Marinette, their eyes glistening in concern. Ms. Bustier kept asking stupid questions about the room and about what Marinette could feel, and gradually, her eyes cleared and she started breathing normally.
"There you are," Ms. Bustier said calmly with a gentle smile. "Are you okay, now?"
Marinette clutched the stuffed animal into her chest, her eyes still misty, and slowly nodded. "Sorry, I…"
"None of that," Ms. Bustier interrupted. "You have nothing to apologize for, Marinette. I think I'm the one that owes you an apology."
Startled blue eyes flew upwards. "What for?"
"When Chloé requested this meeting, she asked me not to interview you beforehand for your side of the story. She said that you would never attend if you knew what it was about."
Marinette's gaze fell to her feet once again. "She's not wrong," Marinette admitted in a whisper.
Ms. Bustier nodded. "Be that as it may, it was still wrong of me to blindside you. I knew better. My training even emphasized to never enter into a restorative circle without talking to each of the affected parties first. So, I definitely knew better, and I allowed myself to be convinced otherwise. That was wrong of me."
"Th-thank you," Marinette stuttered, her gaze glancing downwards. "For saying that. I don't think a teacher has ever apologized to me before."
"I also want you to know that you're safe. No one here is going to hurt you. No one here is going to make you share anything you don't want to share."
Marinette sighed before glancing up at the teacher who was still kneeling in front of her. "But you already know," she accused.
Ms. Bustier nodded in understanding. "I think I do have a guess at this point, yes. But I don't know anything. Not for sure. Not until you tell me, and only if you want to. Do you understand?"
Marinette nodded.
"I think we should adjourn," Ms. Bustier announced as she rose to her feet. "And reconvene if you all want to on another day... after we've all had some sleep, when you feel more prepared to talk about things? Or we don't have to meet again if you don't want to. Your participation here is one hundred percent voluntary."
Chloé wanted to object. They were so close.
But she knew Marinette. Anything Chloé said was likely to make her less willing to talk.
Marinette hesitated and looked around. "I… actually think we should continue if… if you have time?"
"Are you sure, Marinette?" Ms. Bustier asked.
"I just… I can't go to my next class right now. And if I go home, I'm going to just obsess over this. And I'm going to panic. And I don't want to be akumatized," and she broke off into sobs.
Every muscle in Chloé's body was tight as the weight of Marinette's words registered. It had never occurred to the blonde when she orchestrated this that Marinette could be akumatized.
Angry beyond comprehension?
Absolutely!
But scared?
Ladybug was never scared!
And akumatized?
Certainly, Ladybug couldn't be akumatized!
Chloé had assumed that her miraculous protected her somehow. Sure, the Bee Miraculous didn't seem to protect her, but… Ladybug was special.
Wasn't she?
But turns out, Marinette was just a normal girl. A girl with feelings and fears and incredibly difficult struggles.
Nino and Adrien both had reassuring hands on either side of her shoulders, but neither said anything. Marinette's cries slowly ebbed.
"If you want us to continue, why don't you start by telling us how you're feeling right now?" Ms. Bustier suggested kindly, backing away and moving to her seat within the small circle. "Again, only if you want to."
Marinette wiped her eyes, took a breath, and stared at the ceiling for a moment. "I feel... betrayed," she finally said, turning toward Alya. "You're supposed to be my best friend. I can't believe you would conspire with Chloé! The person you know has bullied me for years."
Chloé flicked a piece of lint off her shoulder, careful to not to look at Marinette and not to let anything show on her face.
"I mean, it was bad enough when you didn't believe me about Lila…"
Alya sucked in a breath at the mention of Lila Rossi, her chin trembling, and her hazel eyes flooding with tears.
Marinette continued. "But you knew about Chloé and how she's treated me. And now you're working with her to corner me?"
Chloé shook her head in agitation. Marinette was getting it all wrong. Alya hadn't wanted anything to do with her. "Calm down, Dupain-Cheng," she interjected impatiently. "It wasn't like that. Trust me, you'll-"
"Chloé, please respect the talking piece," Ms. Bustier cut in harshly.
The blonde pressed her lips together. And when Marinette's icy blue gaze swung to her and pinned her in place, Chloé realized she really shouldn't have spoken yet.
"You want me to trust you?" Marinette started, her voice was cold and her eyes flashed, all trace of her shakiness from panic attack had evaporated. Even the redness in her eyes from crying seemed to have vanished. This was Ladybug's game face when she was ready to squash an akuma.
And her gaze was locked onto Chloé.
"When have you ever deserved my trust?" Marinette demanded. "When you bullied me for years after I tried so hard to be your friend? When you stole a miraculous? When you put an entire train of people in jeopardy so that you could pretend to be a hero?"
Chloé squared her shoulders. This was no different than all the other times Marinette had laid into her.
Wasn't it though?
This time, Chloé was trying to help.
"And when you were akumatized because Ladybug didn't bring you back into the team, I felt frustrated that you felt betrayed. Ladybug has to consider the whole well-being of Paris! Not just the feelings of one person. It makes me feel like you can't see beyond yourself to the greater need. It makes me feel like you don't understand the responsibility of wielding a miraculous."
And now, Chloé could not even pretend to herself that this wasn't different than every other time Marinette had called her out or challenged her. But Chloé held herself calm and stoic. If there was one thing she had endless practice at, it was taking a verbal beating.
"And you pulling us into a circle and pressuring miraculous holders to reveal themselves? I again, don't feel like I can trust you!"
The rest of it Chloé knew she deserved, but this?! This pissed her off.
"May I have the talking piece?" Chloé requested, her voice too high and threatening to break beneath her.
For a second, Marinette hesitated, but then she passed the piece to Adrien. Chloé watched carefully as the striped kitten exchanged hands from Adrien to Ms. Bustier to Chloé.
"For the record," Chloé ground out the second Dottie was in her hand. "I hate circles. This was not my idea. I tried to get you to talk to me just you and me. I tried for weeks! I tried here at school, and I left you private messages and public messages." Or bee signals. Whatever. Marinette would know what she was talking about. "You chose to ignore me."
"Typical Chloé," Marinette bit out scathingly. "You don't get your way, and you throw a tantrum."
"Marinette," Bustier interceded. "Speak with respect and respect the talking piece."
The girl sighed. "May I have the talking piece?"
Chloé hesitated. She wasn't done, but she let it go, passing it to Alya again.
The second Marinette's hands were around it, words poured from her. "I just don't understand why you're doing this? Are you just trying to torture me? All of this is hard enough without you making it harder!"
Chloé's squirmed in her seat, her whole body shook with the effort of having to restrain the words that wanted to burst from her mouth. But she had to hold herself back. It was one of the hardest things Chloé had ever done.
"And not just now! You've singled me out over and over, to the point where no one wanted to be my friend, not because of anything to do with me, but because they didn't want to be targeted by you!" Marinette raged, her hands literally shaking in front of her. Her eyes were ice, and would have drilled holes through Chloé's chest had they been able. "You've mocked me, you've dismissed my voice, and you've bullied me for years until I doubted myself and my value. Until I didn't believe that I had anything worthwhile to say or that anyone should like me. To the point where I dreaded coming to school. And I never understood why! I mean, what did I ever do to you?!"
"You wouldn't stop bringing me macarons!" Chloé exploded. And everyone was so startled by this admission. All eyes turned to her. Ms. Bustier didn't even remind her to respect the talking piece.
"What?" Marinette screeched back in cold disbelief. "You bullied me because I brought you cookies?!"
Chloé's whole form quivered in agitation. "I needed you to stop," she admitted. "And you wouldn't! So I had to get you to hate me."
"Why did you need me to stop?" Marinette asked, her voice quiet and her dark eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
Chloé hunched her shoulders wishing she could hide in a corner. "My own mother doesn't love me. Why would anyone else?" she whispered, her gaze locked on her own pearl white flats. To her horror, her throat closed off and her eyes burned. Before she could cut it off, she was crying.
She wiped at the tears angrily. She hated crying.
It ruined her makeup.
"E-everyone leaves eventually. My mom left. Adele left…" Chloé glanced up across the circle. "Adrien left," she added softly.
A hiss of displeasure erupted from the blond boy two seats away.
"No one ever stays," Chloé continued. "I'm not worth it. It's better if I never let myself hope that they will."
Shocked silence flooded the room, only broken by Chloé's sniffs.
Some small part of Chloé felt free with the admission. These were words she had never before said out loud. The larger part of her felt embarrassed that she had let Marinette, of all people, goad her into admitting any vulnerability. And then another part that hated that she was crying in front of anyone.
Tears were a weakness. If they saw her tears, they would know they could destroy her.
Ms. Bustier cleared her throat before speaking. "That was very brave of you to share, Chloé."
Chloé cried harder. Adrien broke the circle at that point, leaping across the circle. His arms wrapped around her like a warm blanket. "I'm so sorry, Chlo," he whispered into her hair. "I didn't understand."
"It's fine, Adri-kins," she mumbled into his shoulder. "I didn't understand it either." Then, she pulled away and stubbornly wiped the tears from her face. "We haven't even started yet. Go sit back down."
He didn't move immediately, instead staring at her in concern.
"Please?"
He nodded, and moved back to his seat.
Chloé turned her attention back to the circle, back to Marinette.
They stared at each other for a second before Marinette handed the kitten once again to Adrien, nodding toward Chloé as she did so.
And Chloé couldn't fight the warmth she felt at the gesture. Marinette wanted to hear what she had to say.
Ladybug wanted to hear what she had to say.
When Ms. Bustier handed her the stuffed animal, Chloé didn't immediately speak. She instead fiddled with the soft toy in her hands, hoping the kitten would give her some inspiration.
But at the end of the day, only Chloé could tell her own story.
"Maybe I didn't handle a miraculous falling into my lap very well," Chloé admitted, "but it was the first time in my whole life I realized that I could be something more. Something meaningful. And yeah, I was an idiot. Too impatient for an opportunity to prove myself, I created one. Not my finest moment.
"As for not being disappointed that Ladybug benched me? I'm sorry. I don't know how to make myself not feel that way. I feel like Ladybug dangled a way forward for me and then she took it away."
Marinette inhaled sharply, but Chloé couldn't look at her. She stared at her own feet.
"And I know it's not her responsibility to save my soul or whatever," Chloé continued rapidly, "but I looked up to her. And the idea that she might see some small speck of potential in me, that she let me fight beside her as her partner when Chat Noir was incapacitated, that she trusted me with a miraculous even after I had already proven I did not deserve it… it meant a lot." And honestly, it meant even more when Chloé had realized who Ladybug was. Because Marinette had more reasons than most anyone to hate her.
"As for bringing you all here and pressuring you to come clean?" Chloé looked up then and stared at Marinette unflinchingly. "I do not apologize for that. When I figured you all out, I wasn't going to say anything. My family was targeted! I was manipulated so easily. I understand the importance of keeping identities secret in a way that I absolutely didn't in the beginning of all this."
They were all staring at her in rapt attention, but Chloé found herself unfazed. She had momentum now. It would be harder to stop than it would be to just keep going.
"But two weeks ago, in our circle you were whining about breaking under too much responsibility. That you felt alone. That you were scared someone else would pay the price if you slipped. Since then, you have fallen asleep during class multiple times and you've woken up screaming. Separately, you have broken down in class several times. You are drowning. You need support." Then Chloé pointed dramatically at her childhood friend, but her blue gaze never left the Marinette's face. "Adrien is also drowning."
"I'm fine," Adrien interjected with a frown.
Chloé's blue eyes flashed to him. "Shut up, Adri-kins. You are not fine. I've watched you withdraw. I've watched you paste on that stupid model smile. I've watched you absorb hurt after hurt when your friends don't trust you, or don't see you."
Nino's head snapped up at this. "W-what?" he gasped.
Even Marinette threw a startled look in his direction.
He shrank under Chloé's impatient glare before turning to the rest of the group with a shrug. "She's kinda right," he admitted with a hand to his neck.
"You're withdrawing from… us?" Nino asked with a slight tremor, gesturing to himself, Alya and Marinette.
Adrien grimaced. "Sorry," he offered.
Chloé rolled her eyes. Of course, Adrien would feel guilty for hurting his friends by admitting they were hurting him.
"There's clearly a lot for us all to talk about here," Ms. Bustier interjected. "Let's focus on one thing at a time, and we'll come back to this, okay Nino?"
Nino adjusted his hat, and then nodded.
Ms. Bustier turned back to her. "Chloé, you were saying?"
"Umm… right," Chloé slipped a blonde strand of hair behind her ear, and looked up again at the girl across the circle. At the girl she had been terrified to befriend, at the girl she had tortured for years instead, and at the girl who had made Chloé believe that maybe… just maybe, Chloé could do something good. "Marinette, when I tried to talk to you over and over this last week, I was trying to help. And I'm clearly rubbish at helping, but Ms. Bustier suggested that maybe I was the one that needed help.
"I know that you don't trust me," Chloé said, surprised at the pressure building in her throat at the admission. She waved dramatically to the rest of the circle. "But everyone here besides me is someone you trust and have trusted. I already know and I haven't said anything! I didn't even tell Alya when I asked her to do this. She didn't want to. She said she would never betray Ladybug. I think she changed her mind when she figured it out only a few minutes ago. I'm forcing your hand, yes. But whether you believe me or not, I'm trying to help you."
Blue eyes from the other side of the circle pierced through her. Marinette looked like she was going to cry again, but maybe it was a different kind of cry than the one before.
"I'm asking you to be brave, Dupain-Cheng. Like you are like all of the fucking time. So that you, and all of us can support each other through the crazy things we have experienced."
She passed the piece to Alya again. And now that Chloé wasn't talking, she could feel how badly she was shaking.
Ms. Bustier put a hand on her knee and squeezed. Chloé looked up into the eyes of her teacher who was smiling at her. And was she crying, too?
Why was she crying?
"M-Marinette," Alya interrupted her thoughts. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to corner you. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. That I always want to have your back. I'm sorry that I have clearly already failed in that in more than one way. And I hope you can forgive me." Alya's voice cracked on the final word, and she immediately shoved the talking piece into Nino's hands.
He rubbed his girlfriend's back even as he passed the stuffed kitten to Marinette with a gentle smile and a wink.
Marinette flipped the piece in her hands over and over again. "Alya, you're already forgiven on both counts. Our friendship is stronger than all that," she said with a bright smile. Then she turned towards Chloé. "Chloé, I didn't realize how much I was hurting. I didn't think anyone had noticed. I feel so invisible so much of the time. I… am surprised that you were the one to see through me. I feel like there's so much more I should say to you after everything you shared, but I guess I should start with the one thing you want me to say."
She turned to everyone at the group and smiled nervously. "I suspect like all of you already know, but my name is Marinette, but most of Paris knows me as Ladybug."
She held the piece to Adrien, but he didn't take it. His green eyes had blown as wide as the Seine, staring at her like he'd just been hit by a bus.
"I... What?!" he spluttered. "I thought you were Multimouse!"
Marinette frowned at him. "Umm... how would you know that? Only one person knows that."
He looked sheepish, and plucked the still offered talking piece from her hands.
"My name is Adrien, but I'm also... Chat Noir."
Chloé rolled her eyes. Had they seriously not realized where this was going before Marinette had freaked out?! Sheesh!
Marinette shook her head furiously. "No, no, no, no! You're Aspik," she told him.
Adrien rubbed the back of his neck even as he smiled sadly at her. "Yeah, that didn't work out so well, did it?"
Marinette's blue eyes flooded with tears once again and she immediately threw her arms around his shoulders. "Chaton! I'm so sorry!" she cried.
His arms wrapped around her narrow waist. "What for?" he asked softly.
"You were trapped in that loop for months because of me!"
He clutched her to him harder. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't have all the information. I was the idiot that accepted the miraculous. I should have said no immediately. I… I just wanted a chance to impress you. As me."
She jerked back and looked up into his face. "I was already impressed. With both of you!"
"Were you?" he asked, the pain clear in his voice.
She threw herself at him again. "Yes!" she insisted into his neck. "I'm so sorry you ever felt otherwise. I'll make it up to you."
He smiled and let his head fall onto hers. "I can't believe you've been right in front of me this whole time," he admitted, grinning like an idiot.
Chloé wouldn't say it out loud. Not for a long time anyway, but they were rather cute all blushing and smiling in each other's arms.
But they were also getting distracted. Because this stupid fucking circle wasn't finished yet. There was still so much more to talk about. She cleared her throat dramatically.
Marinette shot out of Adrien's arms, her flushed cheeks turning as red as her alterego's suit.
"Chloé!" Alya hissed, her phone out filming the exchange. "You're ruining it!"
Chloé harrumphed. She had ruined nothing! She should get all the credit for this.
…
A/N:
I wanted to share a little anecdote of restorative justice in action. This story is a little vague on purpose, but the essence is there, I promise.
I taught at a tiny high school for several years (400 students). We had two students – boys. They had a history of getting into fights with one another in middle school and the middle school recommended we keep them completely separated. (Hard to do when there's only 100 students per grade!). We kept them in separate classes every year, and overall, we had no issues for several years.
Partway through their junior year, they broke out into a fist fight during lunch. We managed to separate them without anyone getting permanently injured. Then we spoke to each one of them separately and asked them why they hated each other.
The first boy shared some trauma that his family had shared, and then described the comments the second boy had made to him (which he still remembered like five years later in excruciating detail!) when he was in middle school, and how it brought all that trauma up. He knew the second boy didn't know of his background, but he still always felt attacked by him.
So then we go talk to the other boy, and I couldn't believe it, but he told us the exact same story! (different trauma and different bullying comments). He hated the first boy for the same reasons!
We coached them before hand and encouraged them to explain to each other WHY their comments hurt the other so much since we realized that they didn't know one another's background at all! Neither had been aware why their comments had hurt the other so much. They both had felt like victims only.
At the end of the restorative circle they were both crying and hugging, and their senior year they were the best of friends, and their two friend groups merged together as well. It was beautiful.
In many ways, that experience is the seed that inspired this story.
Thanks for reading. Reviews are love!