Star Wars: Return of the Sith

29: Dinner With the Dark Lord

By Nanaki

Lyran IV

Tenn let a small, irritated sigh escape her nose, then paused to wonder why. She couldn't really put her finger on what was irritating her. Today found Jerin and the girls on Lyran IV, a mainly agricultural world notable for not being notable, though it did serve as a convenient stopping point for those traveling from Kessel to Ryloth, or vice versa. They had stopped here mainly because they'd passed by Koiogra and Molavar without stopping, and by this point, everyone wanted some fresh air. However, on stepping out of the Justice, their nostrils had been assaulted by the kind of scent that only comes from raising livestock on a massive scale. The brisk winds that whipped across the planet's grassy plains did nothing to disperse the scent. Instead, they just seemed to ensure that it permeated everything. Unfortunately, the next known habitable world on their route was Gamorr, still nearly two days away, and no one was eager to stop there in any event. So, doing their best to ignore the smell, they headed into the small town next to the spaceport to stock up on supplies.

On meeting up again back at the ship, Joona had remarked that she'd noticed a building with a large "Shooting Gallery" sign on the front. Jerin had noticed it too, but not paid much attention, since places like that were generally just glorified kids' games. Then, Joona had asked if he could teach her how to shoot. He'd shrugged and said sure, he'd teach her, and anyone else who was interested. And wouldn't you know it, just about everyone WAS interested.

As it turned out, the shooting gallery took itself pretty seriously, featuring both electronic simulators and real slugthrowers that shot tiny projectiles at moving metal targets. In both cases, Jerin approved of the authenticity of the experience, and deemed it a good place for teaching the girls how to handle a blaster. For some reason, the whole idea rubbed Tenn the wrong way, though she couldn't really figure out why. She didn't like the idea of any of the girls getting into a firefight, but this was the Outer Rim, and it COULD happen. If it did, then it was definitely WAY better for them if Jerin taught them how to shoot first.

As Tenn thought about it more, she supposed it bothered her because this hypothetical firefight was based on the premise that she and Jerin had somehow failed to protect the girls. But again, it COULD happen. It wasn't as if she and Jerin were Jedi Masters. They were a couple of kids who had no idea what they wanted to do with their lives, who just happened to have some impressive Force powers. Also, Tenn couldn't deny that Jerin was teaching this subject right, starting off with the importance of not shooting yourself, or your friends. Only after covering that thoroughly did he get into proper technique for holding the blaster and squeezing the trigger. Now the girls were finally trying their luck, and Jerin was slowly moving among them, giving advice here and there.

"I see you're trying to take down the most difficult targets first, Rayna." Jerin observed, stopping next to her. He had seen her taking aim at the small metal targets in the very back, which moved both quickly and erratically. Rayna, now paying more attention to him in her peripheral vision than the actual targets, promptly missed her next three shots. "Remember what I said about moving targets," he reminded her gently. "Instead of shooting at where they are, you have to aim at where they're going to be." Now he appraised her stance. "Plus, you should extend your arms a little more..." He pulled on her gun a bit to try to show her what he meant.

"Jerin, you'll never show her the right stance that way." Joona remarked from about ten feet away, where the screen keeping track of her gun showed a hit rate above ninety five percent.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Jerin asked in apparently real confusion.

Joona smiled and carefully set her slugthrower down, then stepped away from her spot. "Jerin, I've noticed that you've taken a completely hands-off approach to dealing with us so far, which, I think it's fair to say, we all appreciate." Joona looked around at the others, and got several nods of agreement. "But you know, we can tell the difference between an actual, platonic gesture of affection and someone trying to feel us up. Right Rayna?" Then, to Rayna's utter horror, Joona actually winked at her.

Thankfully, Jerin seemed not to notice, or else he thought the wink signified something else. "Okay, well... More like this." Jerin gently took hold of Rayna's arm just above the elbow. "Now, this puts the gun farther from your eyes, but that's actually a good thing. The longer the line of sight between you and the barrel, the more accurate your shots will be."

"Uh huh." Rayna tried to think of something more coherent to say, but it seemed like all she could pay attention to was the heat of his hand on her arm. Jerin had opted not to don his armor today, reasoning that this planet was quite boring and therefore, safe. As a result, he seemed less intimidating and more approachable than usual. "You know, it's not just the movement of the target." She finally forced some words out. "At this distance, the edges of the target are kind of blurry, too. It's almost like I'm seeing two of them, so it's hard to tell where the center... is." She trailed off as she saw that both Jerin and Joona were now looking at her with concern.

Then Joona walked forward and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Rayna dear, it sounds like you're nearsighted." She gave Rayna a quick smile. "Nothing to be too worried about. It's something that's easy to correct with surgery."

"Surgery?" Rayna looked up at her with alarm. "But don't you have to stay awake for any kind of eye surgery?"

"Well, that's true." Jerin shrugged. "But you'll be so heavily sedated that they could pluck your eyes out, and you'd barely notice." Now Joona shot him a dangerous look. "Or, um, something comforting." He added lamely. "Anyway, start with some of the larger, closer targets, then try to work your way back to the smallest ones."

.

From the opposite side of the gallery, Denan tried to tamp down the irritation he felt as he saw that Jerin and Joona were involved in a long conversation, yet again. He had chosen the electronic simulator, since he had some experience with this kind of thing, and was doing very well, not that anyone was bothering to notice. Most of the girls wanted nothing to do with him, which was understandable, although he thought they might be a little more sympathetic since he'd been at the brothel against his will too. But, as long as he had Joona, he didn't much care what anyone else thought of him. That was the thing though, he wasn't sure that he DID still have Joona.

Ever since escaping from Kuat, he and Joona had had an entirely platonic relationship. They had done so much traveling since then, he wasn't sure exactly how many days it had been, but he figured it was at least a week. On an intellectual level, he understood completely. It was only natural that she'd want to take a break from physical intimacy, now that she had the option. And even though their "relationship", such as it was, had started based purely on physical attraction, he'd quickly become attracted to her personality and sense of humor as well. Hell, there was no point lying to himself, he'd fallen so head over heels in love with her she could have been dumb as a post and a completely horrible person, and he wouldn't have cared much. But still, he DID appreciate her other qualities, so he wanted to show her that he was sensitive and caring by being as patient as necessary.

On a more primitive level, he was afraid that his balls might actually explode if he didn't get some action soon. He never would have imagined that he would be craving it THIS bad after just a week, but Joona had gotten him used to a leisurely lovemaking session every two or three days, and he was missing that acutely. Still, even if she had wanted to stick to that kind of schedule, he wasn't sure how they would make that work. Joona was currently sharing a room with Tenn, the three Human girls, and two of the Zeltrons. For his part, Denan was sleeping on the floor in Jerin's room, due to Jerin claiming that Mandalorians never shared a bed outside of marriage. Denan doubted very much that those Mandalorian morals applied to PLATONIC bed sharing, but he was sure that Jerin wasn't happy about having to share his room in the first place, so he didn't push his luck.

At any rate, even if he and Joona both wanted to get intimate, he wasn't sure how that would work. Where could they actually go to be alone? The prison room? Yeah, that was real romantic. The cargo bay? Where they'd be on the cold, hard floor and the slightest noise would echo throughout the cavernous, empty space? Nope. Joona's chair in the cockpit? That... That would actually be pretty hot. The problem was that there was no way they could lock the door so that Jerin couldn't open it, so he might walk in on them at any point... and why did that seem to make it hotter?

'All right, don't get yourself all worked up.' Denan told himself, suddenly aware that he hadn't actually taken a shot in several minutes. Ultimately, he was probably feeling insecure because Jerin had been the one to rescue Joona from her would-be suitor on Tatooine, while he had been holed up in a HoloNet cafe, completely oblivious to the outside world. Denan wasn't sure how he would have handled that situation, but he definitely wouldn't have slammed the guy into a wall and demanded an immediate apology.

"You're looking thoughtful." Denan was surprised to hear Joona's voice right next to him.

"Just... contemplating how to be a better man." He admitted.

"For my sake?" She raised an eyebrow, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Of course for your sake." He allowed himself a small smile as he answered.

Joona put a hand on his shoulder for a second, then laughed a little at her own reserved gesture and enfolded him in a hug. "Look, I know I haven't exactly been the most affectionate girlfriend lately..."

"Well, the logistical difficulties alone are tough to overcome, never mind any other potential issues." He smiled down at her.

"I just wanted you to know, it's not because I've decided to break things off, and haven't had the guts to tell you, or anything like that. I just..." She shrugged in irritation, clearly not knowing quite how to put it into words.

"Hey, I get that." He said gently. "Well, actually I don't." He admitted. At her questioning look, he elaborated. "I have no idea how to relate to the emotions you must be going through, suddenly finding yourself free after seven years of... that. But I get that I don't get it."

"I get it. I think." Joona smiled warmly. Now she looked down at the display on Denan's simulator. "Well, according to this, you were doing pretty good before your train of thought took off."

Denan shrugged. "It's respectable. But nothing compared to Jerin, I'm sure."

Joona waved that aside. "Jerin's aim is Force assisted. Which I think technically counts as cheating, as far as measuring ability goes." She picked up the gun on the machine right next to Denan's. "Come on, how 'bout a little friendly competition?"

Denan nodded, and reset the score on his machine. 'Well, apparently I'm easy to please.' He reflected as he took aim again. 'But with her around, who wouldn't be?'

.

About an hour later, Jerin was seated at a folding workbench in the Justice's small kitchen area, methodically disassembling and cleaning his blasters. He had stayed at the shooting gallery for a while, encouraging the girls, but a place like that didn't offer any real challenge to someone with his skills, and eventually he'd decided to do something more productive with his time. He'd set up the workbench outside at first, but the livestock smell was truly overpowering, and he'd retreated inside pretty quickly. He looked up as he heard footsteps coming his way, and Tenn stepped into the kitchen, leaning against the wall. "Hey, what's up?" He looked up for a second, but continued cleaning the blaster.

"Well, Joona and I have been talking..." She started.

"Uh oh. What'd I do?" He grinned. "Or was it Denan?"

"No, nothing like that." Tenn smiled. "It's just... the bedrooms are getting very crowded the more time goes on. A lot of strong opinions crammed into a very small space."

"I'm well aware of that." Jerin nodded. "Denan snores like a speeder engine that needs a new timing belt. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot we can do about it. I mean, we could stock up on actual sleeping bags and pillows, but beyond that, there's not much we could do to make more actual space."

"Well, Joona had an idea about that." Tenn shrugged. "But, it involves spending more of your money."

"Well, that's not exactly in short supply right now." Jerin gently set down the blaster he was working on. "What's the idea?"

"What we really need, is something that gives the feeling of privacy, even if that feeling is more of an illusion than anything else. You know how office buildings divide up their floor space into cubicles using flimsy, movable walls? Well, we could set up the same kind of thing, only to make thirty six small bedrooms instead of work spaces."

"I suppose we could try." Jerin frowned. "But I doubt the four bedrooms together would have enough space for that, even if we stuffed the actual beds into the jail cell."

"Well, no." Tenn was surprised he hadn't grasped what she was going for here. "It would have to be down in the cargo bay."

"Yeah, but... Then I couldn't carry any cargo. At least, not nearly as much." Now Tenn wasn't sure if he was playing dumb, or if he actually was.

"Jerin, have you carried ANY cargo since the girls came on board? Do you PLAN to carry any cargo before they all leave?"

Jerin thought that over for a few seconds, before he smiled. "No. Let's do it. If I expect the girls to stay on this ship for weeks on end, I should be a better host about it." Then, his smile broadened. "Plus, I can get Denan out of my room. That's reason enough by itself."

.

The Edge of the Outer Rim

Sado Kressh allowed a small sigh of relief to escape him as he stepped into his personal quarters. This was one of the few spots on the entire asteroid where he could be reasonably sure that no one would try to assassinate him. Of course, both of his children would probably try when they were older, but they were still far too young for that now. Then, Sado stopped and laughed at himself for his outdated way of thinking. If they all spent their entire lives on the asteroid, the way their ancestors had, then yes, his kids would try to overthrow him sooner or later. But if things went well, they would be far too busy managing their conquered worlds to waste time on assassinations.

He headed into the kitchen, where he could smell that dinner was just about ready. His wife, Regana, looked up at him as he stepped into the room. "Oh, so you actually meant it when you said you'd be home for dinner."

"Yep, I really did." He'd spent almost every dinner for the last month wining and dining other powerful Sith Lords, shoring up his support. Of course, he wouldn't have lived to see them get this close to the galaxy if he hadn't already had most of the influential Lords on his side for years, but there was still a small yet vocal minority opposed to his plans. Ironically, the more of them he had killed, the louder the rest got. Now that they were technically on the edge of the galaxy, they were becoming desperate as well.

"Is anyone joining us?" She asked as she went back to stirring a saucepan.

"Just Lael." He answered quickly. Even as loyal a friend as the Kaleesh general was still needed to be shown some appreciation now and then, and having dinner in the Dark Lord's private quarters was an easy way to accomplish that. For at least the thousandth time, Sado found himself frowning at how his wife, the literal Queen of the Sith, had to cook their meals herself, but they had learned the hard way that servants simply couldn't be trusted NOT to poison the food, no matter how loyal they seemed or how long they'd been serving the family. Of course, it took more than poison to kill a Dark Lord, but the same couldn't be said for his children. Not yet, anyway.

"Meaning just the general, or his whole family?" She responded, sounding like she was annoyed, but he knew she really wasn't.

"Just the general." He assured her. If there was one secret Sado tried hard to keep from everyone, Lael included, it was that he truly loved his wife. It hadn't started out that way, of course. It had been a political marriage, made to curb at least some of the resentment from a powerful family that absolutely loathed the Kresshes. Of course, every powerful Sith family utterly loathed all the others, that was just how things worked here. But over time, as he got to know Regana, Sado noticed that she was fundamentally different from virtually every other Sith on Little Ziost.

Oh, it wasn't that she was secretly some kind of Jedi sympathizer. She was no light sider, that was for sure. Rather, it was the way she approached life. She was that rare kind of person who saw life not as an endless series of struggles to be endured until you inevitably succumbed, but instead as an endlessly fascinating game, to be savored as much as possible. It was an outlook Sado wasn't able to share himself, but one he dearly wished he could. As his affection for her steadily grew, he did his best to hide it, knowing it was a real weakness. He did what most Dark Lords before him had done, not bothering to keep his mistresses secret, and only appearing publicly with his wife at official functions. In Sado's case though, it was all an act. That was all right, he was good at acting. But this was a secret so important, he couldn't even trust Lael with it.

"Well, dinner's ready whenever you are." She informed him.

"All right, let's give the general ten minutes, then we'll start."

Only about three minutes later, there was a polite but firm knocking on the door. Any Sith Lord worthy of the name would have had his herald bellowing his titles outside, so this was a pretty good indication that it was Lael. Sado's five year old son quickly opened the door, and General Honusk Lael bowed slightly as he entered the room. Out of deference to the fact that he was among trusted friends, and ROYAL trusted friends at that, he removed his bone mask, revealing a face that was not too terribly different from a Sith's. His skin was a slightly different shade of red, and he had tusks at the side of his mouth as opposed to spikes jutting down from his cheekbones, but really, it was only his feline eyes that made him seem alien.

The three adults sat down equidistant from each other at a round table just outside the kitchen, with the two children seated close to their mother, not making a sound. This being an informal occasion, Regana set the food down in the middle of the table, and everyone just helped themselves. "Do you suppose, when we have the whole galaxy at our disposal, we'll look back on meals like this as a quiant anachronism, OR will we miss having 'real food' all the time?" Sado mused aloud.

Lael grinned. "I'd be willing to bet a lot that I'll find my own people's traditional foods disgusting. We've gotten so used to Sith food over the last five thousand years."

Regana took a single bite of her meal, then looked up from her plate. "So... should we talk about the leviathan in the room?"

Sado grinned as he realized it was killing her that they weren't talking about it already. Of course, the whole asteroid was abuzz with the news, and he'd been talking about it with his underlings all day, but she hadn't had that chance yet. Lael looked over at him, and he nodded in approval.

"VITIATE survived!" Lael got the ball rolling.

"Not only survived, but that emotionless mad scientist who makes Naga Sadow look sane by comparison came closer to conquering the galaxy than any Sith Lord in history." Sado added.

"Now wait a minute." Regana gestured at her husband with her fork. "Don't Sidious and Krayt get some credit for conquering the galaxy?"

Sado just nodded at Lael, since he knew they agreed on this matter. "No, I don't think so." Lael disagreed politely. "What Sidious and Krayt did was manipulate events so that they were placed in charge of the existing galactic government. Now, that's no small feat in itself, and they deserve our admiration for it. But it's not actually conquering the galaxy."

"The infuriating thing is..." Sado paused as he took a bite. "Vitiate probably could have actually conquered the galaxy, if that had actually been his goal."

"And about that goal..." Regana's eyes narrowed now. "Do you believe it?"

"What about it do you find hard to believe?" Sado asked patiently. Asking her to clarify was usually the quickest way to get to the heart of the matter.

"The idea that he wanted to drain all life from the galaxy in order to attain true immortality, when he was already functionally immortal... Well, it sounds like Republic propaganda." She observed. "It sounds like a Jedi attempt to demonize a successful Sith ruler."

"It does." Lael nodded. "But then, if that's the case, why didn't they tell similar lies about Palpatine and Krayt?"

"Honestly, I've wondered if the stories we've heard about the Death Star are a similar disinformation campaign aimed at Palpatine." Regana admitted.

"Really?" Sado raised an eyebrow. "Sith Lords have been destroying planets for thousands of years. That's nothing new."

"Yes, but the idea that he wanted his underlings to have that kind of power too, and not just keep it for himself, that's pretty strange." She pointed out.

"Hmm..." Sado thought it over for a second. "For all their faults, the Jedi aren't known for lying. Aside from their claim that using the dark side is somehow wrong or unnatural. But that's a lie they sincerely believe, idiotic as it is. No, for now, we have to go on the assumption that the information we're getting about Vitiate is true. Maybe the extent of his powers has been inflated a bit by history, but the stories are basically true."

Lael looked pensive at that. "Using your power to benefit yourself first and foremost has always been what the dark side is all about. But to drain the life out of every living thing in the galaxy... Well, that seems a bit much."

"Even leaving the cost of that immortality aside, what's the point of living forever if you're the only one?" Regana wondered. "I mean, eventually it would get to a point where it would feel like you were just getting to know someone, and they'd be dead from old age the next day."

"Well, Vitiate seems to have been a karking sociopath from the moment he was born." Sado observed. "So that aspect probably didn't concern him."

"I wonder if his... unique mental state is actually what made him so powerful." Lael speculated.

"How do you mean?" Sado wondered.

"Aside from effectively conquering death, I'd say his most powerful ability was how thoroughly he could dominate the minds of others." Lael pointed out. "I wonder if a literal inability to feel empathy for anyone might have actually helped him achieve that."

"I wonder if that's a power I'd even want." Sado admitted, to see surprised looks from everyone else at the table, his three year old daughter included. "Now, I can picture some situations where that kind of mind control could salvage an otherwise disastrous situation. But would a victory achieved through such means actually be a meaningful one? I know it would leave ME feeling hollow, at least."

Lael blinked a few times. "You may be too honorable for your own good, Dread Lord." He smiled.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Sado realized his plate was empty, and he folded his hands under his chin. "This information about Vitiate has me thinking, we may have to consider using our most drastic plan of action." Regana and the children looked confused at this, but Lael knew what he meant.

"You realize, we'd have to completely abandon the PR campaign in that case." Lael pointed out. They had discussed the possibility of waging a public relations battle in lieu of a physical one, by presenting themselves to the galaxy as survivors of an attempted genocide who were only seeking to reclaim what was rightfully theirs. The beauty of that plan was, it was largely true, and if nothing else, it would buy them time to better plan the real war.

"I know." Sado nodded. "But Vitiate had over a thousand years to prepare, with the resources of a good third of the galaxy at his disposal, and even he couldn't manage to conquer the Republic. Not truly."

"As you observed, he wasn't actually trying to conquer the Republic." Lael reminded him.

"Maybe HE wasn't, but the other Sith Lords serving him, men like Malgus and Thanaton, they sure were. And even they couldn't get it done." Sado sighed. "That makes me think, our opening move needs to be something bigger and bolder than anything Vitiate, Sidious, or Krayt ever tried. Something that will leave the Republic in a state of catatonic shock while we move in to take control."

A smile slowly crept onto Lael's face. "Well, when you put it that way, that doesn't leave us with a lot of options, other than destroying Coruscant."

A sly smile appeared on Sado's face to match Lael's. "No. No it doesn't."

.

On the Triellus Trade Route

On board the Justice late that evening, the girls were finishing with setting up their new sleeping arrangements in the cargo bay. The thin, short, portable walls didn't do much but create the illusion of privacy, and each cubicle/ bedroom was barely big enough to contain the foam mat and sleeping bag that each girl now had, but they all technically had their own space now. The five youngest had sent a strong signal that they were continuing their informal support pact even now, by shaping a unique enclosure that was large enough for all five of them to share. Joona was unrolling her foam mat in a space right next to that, when she turned around to see Adona right behind her. "Joona, what are you doing?" Adona didn't sound angry, just confused.

"What?" Joona was confused as well. "I wanted a spot where I could keep an eye on the kids..."

"No, I mean, what are you doing down here at all?" At Joona's completely baffled look, Adona sat down on the mat to explain. "Have you really not realized you're part of Jerin's crew?"

"Crew? Jerin doesn't have a crew." Joona responded, but she was starting to see where Adona was going with this.

"Oh yes he does!" Adona nodded earnestly. "You have a reserved seat in the cockpit, and whenever he wants to talk to one of us about something, he goes to you first almost all of the time."

"And that means I shouldn't be here because...?"

"Joona, come on! You're smarter than this." Adona smiled now. "Tenn and Denan both have their own rooms now, but that still leaves two others that are empty. One of those should be yours."

Joona thought that over. Jerin would give her one of the rooms without any hesitation, that was true enough, but she found herself not liking the idea of having a room all to herself. Why, she wasn't sure. She'd had her own room at the brothel, after all. Though that had been tiny and completely surrounded by other bedrooms, while the rooms on the Justice looked out into the vastness of space. Still, why should that bother her? Space represented freedom, in a very tangible way. Was she, on some level, afraid to leave the brothel behind? That must be it, she decided. Horrible as it had been, the brothel had also been home for seven years, and any big change was a little unnerving. She held a hand out to Adona. "All right, why don't you come with me?"

Adona looked a little confused. "What, you mean, share the room?"

"Yeah, those beds are plenty big enough for two people to share." Joona pointed out.

"Well, I... All right." Adona took her hand, then stood up. Joona thought Adona looked a little relieved at this, but then, she was feeling relieved herself. That, in turn, made her feel a bit guilty about her lack of independence. "Hey, cut that out." Adona squeezed her hand gently. "We're a couple of lost kids trying to find our way in a big galaxy. If relying on each other makes that a little easier, then that's a GOOD thing." Joona didn't trust herself to say anything coherent in response at that moment, so she just gratefully squeezed Adona's hand back.

.

"If you kill everyone in the galaxy, you'll be Emperor of nothing. What's the point of all this?" - The Hero of Tython, Star Wars: The Old Republic

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(Nanaki's note: Wait, is this really the first chapter about Kressh and Lael I've written since 2010? Man, that's a surreal feeling.

Anyway, regarding Solo: A Star Wars Story. Taken on its own merits as a movie, I thought it was pretty good. Judged as a part of the larger Star Wars tapestry, I can see why it bombed. (Though it says something about a franchise when its "bomb" entry still makes $390 million.) First off, releasing it only five months after The Last Jedi was a boneheaded move. True, the Marvel movies get away with rapid-fire releases all the time, but most Marvel movies work pretty well as standalone stories that don't require you to have seen the others. That's not really true for Star Wars spinoffs. Second, it was the first Star Wars movie that didn't feature a lightsaber duel OR a massive space battle. Most Star Wars movies have both, but this one didn't have either. Granted, the action sequences it did have were exciting and visually stunning, but it was like a Gundam episode where no one actually gets into a mobile suit.

Third, where Rogue One was a good example of the new universe doing it better than the old Expanded Universe, I thought Solo's version of events was pretty weak compared to the Expanded Universe version. For example, I definitely prefer the old version of how Han met Chewie, and I thought it was odd that the movie didn't bother to explain HOW Han knew Shyriiwook, whereas the EU's explanation of Han having had a wookiee foster mother was quite poignant. I don't know much about Bria Tharen, so I can't really compare how Han's previous tragic love interest stacks up against the new one. But on the subject of Qi'ra...

Just WHAT was the thought process behind this character? "Let's see... A tough as nails yet still very feminine fighter named Kira? Great, I don't think any sci fi franchise has done that before! What's that? Deep Space what? All right then, just change the spelling to Qi'ra. That'll keep Paramount from suing!"

Ultimately, I think what rubbed me the wrong way about Solo is the same thing that rubs me the wrong way about ALL of the Disney Star Wars movies: They cancelled the Expanded Universe so that the new creative teams could do whatever they want, but ALL those creative teams want to do is re-tell stories that had already been told in the Expanded Universe. (The Last Jedi is somewhat less guilty of this than the other three, but even it isn't as original is it wants you to think it is. They pretty much just turned Luke into Cade, after all.) I mean, why create a galaxy-spanning criminal organization when Star Wars already HAD a galaxy-spanning criminal organization? And why call it Crimson Dawn, a name so ridiculously similar to Black Sun that it might as well not be different at all? And why create a main villain who is exactly like a Black Sun vigo, and not just CALL him a Black Sun vigo? Was this supposed to be some kind of tip of the hat to the Expanded Universe? Because it just pissed me off.

Anyway, if you've been following this story, I'm sure you know the drill here: Solo is an alternate timeline, and this story is sticking with the old EU version of events, not that it matters a whole lot after more than two centuries have passed. Mainly, I just wanted to rant about Disney for a minute.)