The Hotland trip wasn't as long as the one to Snowdin. Jewel didn't like the cold, but the heat was kind of unbearable with the long sleeve shirt she had on. She was in a volcano after all. But the pressure from the hot rock was just what she needed. Alphys had met them back at the lab since it was pretty well deserted now. Most people were at the capitol, in New Home near the King, so he could offer support. But, given that a project was something they had gone to discuss, it just made sense.
"S-so, how are you feeling?" Alphys asked the human.
"Still sore and stiff, but I can move."
"after cracking like someone crushing a bag of pretzels," Sans commented.
"Oh, like your bones don't pop," Jewel teased.
"not like that."
"Heh, remind me to show you how I can do it on command."
"I-I've seen humans c-crack their joints in a-anime to show t-toughness, is that r-r-really done?"
Jewel blinked a little. "Wait, anime? You guys have anime down here?"
"remember how i told you we get a lot of human leftovers down here?" Sans shrugged a little. "some of it comes down."
The human chuckled a little, surprising the two of them, but then a realization hit her. "Wait, wait… you said Alphys was your human expert, right? What exactly is your source material?"
Sans chuckled nervously while Alphys erupted in red, hiding her face in her hands. Jewel watched the two before she couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Oh, oh god. How bad is the anime?" she laughed. "Oh god, the amount of cringe."
"I-I mean… I-I know i-it had t-t-t-to be e-ex-ex-exaggerated in some spots, but…" the tiny dinosaur fidgeted.
"al, you told undyne it was human history," sans poked a little fun at her too, the smaller monster's face erupting with more red.
"Well, to be fair," Jewel started with a gentle smile, "some anime actually is based on real human history. Most media is in some form. I mean, history is the best teacher, after all, right? Have you seen anime with youkai in it?"
Alphys blinked. "Um… y-you mean like the cat-girls and tengu?"
Jewel chuckled. "Well, Tengu more than cat-girls, but yeah. You know what youkai are?"
"M-mischievous and malicious spirits?"
Jewel chuckled. "Well, yes, for the most part. But they're Japanese monsters," she explained. "Those cat-girls are loosely based off the bakeneko, a type of ghost cat. Humans around the world have a lot of mythos surrounding various monsters. Reptile people," she gently bumped Alphys, "and skeletons," she glanced back at Sans, "are two of the more common ones, actually."
Alphys eyes sparkled a little, while Sans looked a little skeptical. "i thought you said humans don't believe in monsters anymore."
"They don't. They don't believe they're real, but the myths, the stories, they enjoy as entertainment. Hence all the anime. Anime is Japanese-based, so Japanese folktales are what they use. There are plenty of other cartoons and media that use world-wide sources."
"Th-that's s-s-so c-cool! R-right Sans?" Alphys beamed, but when silence hit her ears, she looked over to the skeleton. "Sans?"
"i guess," he shrugged, "just… really, we're reduced to entertainment now?"
"Well… think of it like this, Sans. You're a scientist, right? Most humans, well, there's this whole thing. You got people who need physical proof in front of them, and then you got people who believe and use evidence to support what they believe. Sometimes by cherry-picking. I mean, how long have you guys been down here? Any ruins you left behind could be attributed to ancient humans, or humans could have destroyed all records of monster existence. I mean, we've got proof that we've done it to other humans because one ruler didn't like a previous one in ancient history. I can only imagine what a whole culture would do to erase another if they wanted."
"i suppose i can see that," Sans relented with a sigh. "doesn't mean i have to like it though."
"H-How do you f-find out a-about past c-cultures?" Alphys couldn't help but wonder.
"Ah…" Jewel chuckled nervously. "Well, ruins, mostly, archeological excavations. It's a little morbid if you really break it down, 'cause, really… we're looking at old remains of humans that have survived centuries," she explained with a bit of anxiety, rubbing the back of her head. "It's… weird and I'm probably not explaining it right."
"R-remains?" Alphys asked in a bit of horror, but also fascination.
"Uh, yeah," the human blinked. "What, do you… not?" she tilted her head a little. "God, I can't believe we got to this point," she chuckled nervously.
"Uh, n-no… m-monsters… we… we t-turn to d-dust… Th-that might also be wh-why humans don't know… if you l-learn through…"
"Yeah, if there's nothing there, we wouldn't know. And it's not like… well, human remains don't last forever either, the ones we find were either purposefully preserved or just happened to be fossilized somehow… there's even an entire island that was just… frozen in time due to a volcanic eruption, the magma cooled over the people and everything else, leaving a weird… well, maybe you can look all this stuff up once you guys get free, huh?" Jewel sweated. "I'm hardly the best reference for you guys. And it's not like… I'll be around to help out…"
"W-what are you..?"
"if this doesn't work, asgore's gonna take her soul," Sans explained softly, his voice void of emotion.
Alphys fidgeted, looking back at Sans with nervousness, before glancing back at Jewel. Seeing the nervousness in the small dinosaur, Jewel offered a reassuring smile.
"I-it's okay," she said softly. "At least I'd still be helping… sort of," she smiled, a little nervousness behind it. "But… really I…" she took a breath, "I don't know what I can really do. I'm willing to try whatever. But, as a contingency plan… I think some of this time should be coming up with ideas for your reintroduction. It's going to happen one way or another, right? It's going to be difficult, I can't… predict how people are going to react. So I want you guys to be prepared for the worst."
"Y-you think… w-we really n-need to?" Alphys asked nervously.
"Well… yeah," Jewel explained.
"But you…"
"I'm an outlier, always have been. I'm hardly normal, in any sense," Jewel laughed a little anxiously at herself, "But even I… well, my circumstances are… I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I wasn't in the state I am now. If I was "okay" with myself, or my situation. Being too tired to care, it… well…"
"O-Oh…" Alphys fidgeted a bit more.
"Yeah… and either way, my life is what it is now. I'm kinda… stuck down here."
"making the best of a bad situation, then, huh?" Sans commented though he felt his soul twist a little at her words. It was his fault, after all.
"Well, yeah, but…" she held a gentle smile, putting a hand on the skeleton's shoulder, making him jump a little as he turned to look at her. "You're still a lot nicer than most people I've met. I mean, all of you, even King Asgore, it's… strange. I mean, I get his point of view, his people come first, and I'm hardly… but he actually asked. It's… weird." She ran a hand through her thick brown hair, fingers easily getting lost in the locks. "I'm probably rambling… but I… well… I dunno, this is turning out a lot better than I thought my trip would be," she said with a little bit of a grin.
Sans stared at her, confused… more like bewildered. She was okay with Asgore threatening her like that? "heh, you're a weird one, buddy."
"Didn't I just say that?" she grinned at him.
"W-well… s-shouldn't we… um… g-get started?" Alphys shyly smiled. "W-we can at least start brainstorming!"
Even Sans couldn't fight the small grin that was spreading on his face. Jewel had been smiling and for some reason… it was infectious. For the moment, he let himself get swept up what was happening. It was better than what he was trying to avoid anyway.
Alphys didn't mind staying up late, the two had slept so much of the day away, but Jewel also noticed that Sans still had yet to eat. So she called it early, telling Alphys she should get some rest, she was going to make this skeleton eat.
"buddy, i'm fine."
"Sans, don't pull that stuff with me."
He sighed, rubbing his skull with the tips of his fingers. "you're really gonna fret over me? aren't you the one who just got mobility back? not to mention all the cuts."
"I'm used to my condition. It sucks, but I can't do much about it. Being still only aggravates it, remember? So long as I know my limit, which I do, I'll be okay."
Sans watched her as the two walked the halls. "you don't even know where you're going," he pointed out.
"Not at all," she laughed a little. "but there has to be a kitchen around here somewhere, right?"
Sans tensed a little and stopped, looking at her. "you're… going to cook?"
She blinked a little and turned back. Why did he stop? "Well… yeah, I mean… what else do you do?"
"i dunno… instant noodles or something?"
"You still have to cook those," Jewel pointed out. "Sans, what is it?"
"i… i don't know…" he said softly, hands in his pockets. "i guess… the thought of eating someone else's cooking other than paps…"
She hesitated a moment, before going over, a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I know you miss your brother… but you can't associate everything with living with him. I'd tell you to cook instead, but you'd probably avoid that too."
"heh… you know me pretty well for only having just met," he teased.
"Just a pattern of behavior," she shrugged a little. "But," she squeezed his shoulder a little, "we can talk more after you eat, okay?"
Sans sighed, relenting. She was going to keep on this, wasn't she? "why are you so adamant about taking care of me? i'm the one responsible for you, ya know."
"Well, to be fair, you're not taking good care of yourself. You seem like you need a little bit of a hand."
He couldn't really argue that. He had been so sure a reset was going to happen… deluding himself for over a month… it could still happen, but the chances were dwindling every day. The truth was it was most likely never going to happen… he had never known this much time to have passed between resets…
"look… the only kitchen i know of is back home… i mean, there's probably more, but… i…"
"Lots of reminders of your brother."
He nodded, gripping the scarf around his neck.
"And I'm guessing this was his too," she realized.
"yeah… since we were kids," he half-chuckled, sadness entering his eyes.
Jewel watched the skeleton for a moment. She could tell there was a fondness for the memory, it was just laced with the sadness of current events. She needed to get him talking… but first, she needed to get him to eat. He wouldn't if she let him spiral like this.
He felt her take his hand in her own, distracting him from his thoughts as he looked up at her.
"Ya know, the King's gotta have a kitchen. There was a whole castle here to take care of. If you don't wanna go home, maybe we can find it and I can make us something quick and easy. Whatever ya want, okay?" she smiled softly at him.
Sans sighed, but he didn't argue her holding his hand like that. He wasn't sure whether if he just didn't have the fight in him, or if he really didn't mind. "fine, i think i know where to start looking," he said with a fake grin, at least trying.
He did know his way around, at least a bit. He didn't explore everywhere here, he had places he would go, and that was it. But, he fell behind, letting Jewel lead him around. Unless it was somewhere he knew she shouldn't be, he just let himself be dragged along by his hand. As much as he just wanted to wallow in his depression, he found it oddly endearing how she was trying so hard. For someone who had given up and was ready to die just yesterday, she was really putting effort in.
It didn't take her too long to find the kitchen. There was a monster in there, cleaning up from the meal earlier. Of course, they were startled, but Sans just waved them off, letting them go. It wasn't as if he was unknown to a lot of these monsters. He didn't like to flaunt rank or anything, he liked to blend in, but at times like this, well… it was just easier.
He honestly didn't pay much mind to Jewel rummaging through the cupboards. Not until she noticed something too familiar to him.
"no pasta," he quickly announced. That was the last thing he needed…
Well, there went that idea. Not that she had seen sauce, but noodles, in general, could be put with anything… but he seemed adamant to not have that… She couldn't be sure why without asking him, but that was a conversation for another time. He needed to eat and she wasn't going to risk having him miss another meal. Instead, she found some sandwich fixings and made something simple. It wasn't quite what she wanted to do for him, but it was all she could scrounge up for the moment. It didn't seem to bother Sans though, he simply ate it silently, though his usual laziness with it was overridden by the fact this was the first food he had in a month. Try as he might, he couldn't keep himself from wolfing it down. When he realized just how fast he ate it, Jewel having only managed three bites out of her own sandwich, he felt himself blush as he tried to avoid her gaze.
"You want another?" was all he heard from her.
"i can—" he started to say, as he was about to push himself back to get up and make his own sandwich, but he was interrupted by the sound of her chair scraping across the floor. He felt himself rooted to his spot as she simply made another sandwich for him, despite barely getting any of her own yet.
When she put the sandwich in front of him, he found himself hesitating. He was still hungry, that was the point of this… so why…?
"i could have done it," he protested quietly.
"It's not a big deal."
Sans felt himself start tremble. He didn't know what it was but part of him was screaming. "yes it is!" he protested, unable to reason as to why. As he felt her hand on his once again, it started to register… "why the hell are you acting like everything is okay?" he then started to argue. "you're not okay! there's no way you can…" He stopped when he felt her hand squeeze his.
"Sans… I never said I was okay."
"then why the hell are you acting like it's all fine?!"
"What am I supposed to do?" she shrugged a little. "I feel miserable, but the world doesn't stop just because I'm not okay with it going on. There's literally nothing I can do about my situation. But I can do something about yours." She looked up, directly at him now, their eyes locking. "I can make sure you eat, I can make sure you get proper rest. I can make sure you're not alone when you need help. What I can do is make sure you guys are prepared for the surface, figure out a way to help you reintegrate with humans."
The trembling in his bones got worse, he was literally rattling. It was faint, but it was there, and it was embarrassing. But there was nothing he could do about it. "it can't be that simple, can it?" he shook, holding his head with his hand, his sockets dark. "why the hell would you come all the way here if it was?"
"It can be for some," she said softly. "For most, their situation gets better if they can fight through it. Yours is like that. I know it sucks, but there's still a future for you. You've lost a lot, but you can move on. For me… my reasons to fight through are… well, sometimes it's just not enough to balance the scales. I feel like my being around is only making things worse. They all have to change their lives to accommodate me. And… sometimes… it's not about them. That's… why I traveled all the way out here. I've never really traveled before, I wanted to at least once. Got to be a tourist for a little while before I came up here. And with most of the people that die on the mountain never being found, well… I would have just disappeared. No one would know, and I'd just fade away."
Sans was brought back to a very thought he had with Papyrus… Every time the kid spared him but killed others, he would tell Papyrus they simply went on vacation… he knew the timeline would be reset, there was no point in his brother knowing… but if he was alive now? It made his soul twist.
"you realize that's not going to work, right? they would put it together eventually."
"Not until much later. By then, they'd be used to me not being around."
"that's not..!" Sans couldn't comprehend that… Papyrus wouldn't..! He couldn't believe he lied to him like this! He knew the excuse was just so he didn't have to deal with the loss when it didn't matter… but to truly live it? "you really think that's what would happen? that's not how it works! your friends and family are going to panic that they can't contact you before they start assuming the worst things they can think up!"
"You assume I have people who will notice."
"you said you had a reason to fight! what about your brother?"
The tired human let out a soft sigh. "Sans, you need to eat."
"i need to understand this, jewel! you said you take care of your brother, what about him?!"
She was silent for a long moment before muttering out a weak, "He'll be fine."
"he won't be fine! i'm not fine!" he admitted loudly. He grabbed her hand with both of his, just trembling as he continued, "i'm the elder brother, but as much as i take care of papyrus, he takes care of me too! without him, i…" tears started to line his eyes again, his sockets still dark. "you can't do this to him! you can't..!"
He couldn't do this. Papyrus couldn't leave him like this!
His eyes clenched shut as the tears started pouring down. In a second, he felt her hand slip through his, and both her arms wrapped around him securely. His hands gripped the fabric of her shirt as he rested his head against her chest, freely sobbing. He had already broken down in front of her once, what was another time?
He felt her slide the chair over so they weren't leaning as far across open space. He was grateful as he pushed himself into her embrace more. He didn't want her to be this comforting… she had her own issues yet here he was, crying into her once again. But he couldn't help himself… maybe he was just desperate for any kind of comfort… but he wouldn't let himself break down like this in front of anyone else either.
Sans was probably left to his crying in silence for ten minutes, just feeling her rub his back and gently stroke his skull before he heard footsteps. He internally panicked, he couldn't stop himself at this point.
"Oh," he heard a familiar, deep voice. "Forgive me, I didn't think anyone else would be up at this hour."
"It's quite all right, your majesty."
Shit, shit, shit! It was Asgore! Sans almost pulled away, tempted to just teleport, but he felt Jewel pull him a little closer, gently pushing his skull into her shoulder a bit more.
"Sans was showing me where the kitchen was, but he fell asleep mid-meal."
Asgore let out a soft chuckle. "Sounds like him," he said with a fondness. He walked over to the table, seeing Sans leaning against the human. "If you like, I can put these away for you for later."
Jewel smiled gently at the king before her. He wasn't nearly as imposing as he had been during their first encounter. "I would very grateful, your majesty."
"Please, call me Asgore," he replied as he picked up the plates with the sandwiches on them. He wrapped them up and put them away. "Would you like some tea?" he then offered.
"Normally that would be wonderful," she said with a genuine smile, "but no thank you. I should probably get Sans to bed, but I really don't know where he lives."
Asgore turned, seeing the skeleton still against her. "He lives in Snowdin, but that is a distance. I have attempted to get him to use a spare room here. Come, I'll lead you to them. I'm sure you're tuckered out yourself."
"You're very kind, your—Asgore," she corrected herself.
Sans felt himself carefully lifted, her arms under him much like Papyrus would carry him. He fought the urge to move, to tighten his grip on her shirt should he give himself away. He still felt the wetness in his eyes, but he didn't move from his spot against her. He kept his face buried in her shirt, letting his arms and legs fall where they may. She lied for him… he didn't even have to do anything, she just instantly covered for him. He didn't know what to make of this, but he was eternally grateful at this moment. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, let alone Asgore…
"Are you quite all right carrying him?" Asgore asked as they started to walk. "You seem quite injured…"
"Oh, just some cuts from the window. I haven't had a chance to really clean up," she admitted with a nervous chuckle. "Besides, he's not nearly as heavy as I thought he'd be," Jewel smiled a little. "My best friend is about his size."
"Your best friend?" the king prompted.
"I live far away, if you're worried about retribution," Jewel tried to ease, "and she can't drive or anything. She'd probably be mad at me, anyway."
He couldn't deny he was a bit worried about that, but that wasn't what he was getting at. "I… simply meant…"
"About my willingness to die, despite my friendship?" When Asgore gently nodded, the human sighed a bit. "It's not that I don't love her to death. She's practically family, we've been friends for half our lives. Hell, her kids call me "auntie." She'd probably figure out what happened first… she's been around long enough, seen my episodes, helped me through several of them. But I can't keep relying on her."
Asgore felt his throat tighten at the mention of children. There were children in her life? "What about the children? Won't they miss you? If you're family…"
"The oldest might remember, he's seven. The youngest is going to be three at the end of the month, the other is five… I doubt they'd remember me. But it's not like they'll really know…"
"Still, to deprive the children…"
"Of what? An aunt who can't do much with them? Whom their mother makes them treat like she's made of glass?"
"Of a caring person."
Jewel glanced up at the fuzzy goat monster. "With all due respect, you don't know me. And why are you trying to convince me otherwise? You need my soul to break the barrier."
"Truth be told… I worry about what might be out there. Breaking the barrier with so few monsters… I'm truly hoping that Sans' idea works. To reverse the tragedy that has befallen us…"
"Yeah… Sans told me a little bit about it. That a human child murdered everyone?"
"If there's a way to undo that… I will prefer it. Sans seems to be relaxed around you. I trust my Judge, his ability to read people is rather unique. Besides that… your willingness to help is something I have yet to see in your species."
"Most humans don't like putting themselves out there due to the risks… but many still will. I can't say I'm truly selfless…"
Asgore stopped and put his massive paws on her shoulder, careful of Sans, and looked her in the eye. "When I asked your opinion on the matter, you told me that at least you could help someone with your death. I understand wanting to give up, more than you might think, young one. I have lost much in my time. My land, my people… my wife and children… I have seen what humanity has had to offer in the past. You are not that."
"Well, you are definitely not what I expected after that first meeting either," Jewel said with a soft chuckle. "I really want to help out, I do, but I can't expect to know how this works… and I can't… afford to really get out of this mindset if you still plan on taking my soul at some point."
The king let out a heavy sigh. As much as he rather not, he couldn't promise he wouldn't, either. If this plan failed… it really was his only option. He shouldn't be getting close either… but he could still be cordial. His paws slipped from her shoulders, one on her back as he gently led her down the hall and opened a door.
"This, and the room next to it will be the two rooms you will use for yourself and Sans."
"Thank you, Asgore."
He nodded his head in response. "Have a good night," he bid, before walking away.
Jewel watched as he probably returned to the kitchen to have his tea, or whatever else he went to the kitchen for. It was kind of refreshing to see a king willing to get his own things. But she felt the skeleton in her arms shift as if daring to peek to see if the king was gone. Instead, she opened the door and entered the spare room, closing the door behind them.
Sans lifted his head fully, tears still in his eyes as he looked up at her. He had calmed down in his fear but there had been no stopping the torrent.
"you're really abandoning kids?" he broke the silence.
She let out a sigh. "They're not my responsibility," she said, her tone defeated.
"you know that's not what i mean."
"Sans…" She was suddenly tired. Sans and then Asgore…
It was strange, she didn't put him down. Instead, she sat down on the bed. He felt his legs hit the mattress, extended out as he sat on her lap.
"Does it make you feel better to lash out at me?" He hesitated with his response. That wasn't what he was doing… was it? "It's okay if it does. I get it."
"that's not… i'm not…"
"It's okay," she said softly, gently stroking his skull, petting him to try and calm him down.
Sans was silent, the sensation on his skull surprisingly soothing. Slowly, he leaned in his head against her shoulder once again. "none of this is okay… not what happened to you, or us…"
She slowly leaned in, hugging the small skeleton. "Fair enough point," she replied softly, closing her eyes as she leaned in, gently resting her head against his skull.
Silence would reign once again as Sans just leaned against her and she held him. The need to silently cry wasn't leaving the skeleton, and he wasn't sure why. She did adjust herself, and him, as time continued. She had to be hurting, he rationalized, but he didn't want to move. He wasn't sure if it was his lazy nature or if he had just given up on everything for the moment. He… strangely felt safe.
"Hey, Sans?" Jewel would ask after some time of neither of them drifting off. By this point, she was propped up against the wall, pillow behind her. Sans had folded his legs around her as he sat in her lap, still leaning against her.
"hm?" he asked, lazily not wanting to speak. He was somewhere between wanting to sleep and wanting to just cry more.
"Can you… tell me about Papyrus?"
Sans tensed and deflated all at once. His body finally settling on trembling, some of his bones rattling against one another. "w-why?" he stuttered, his hand gripping her shirt.
"Well… you compared him to my brother, and I… well…"
He felt her hold him together as if trying to stop his rattling. He slowly rotated his skull against her, showing his right eye and part of his mouth to her.
"he's the best," he said softly, a faint but sad smile slowly appearing on his face, "the coolest brother you could ask for. he loves puzzles and making spaghetti… not that he ever ate his own cooking. he just preferred to make it for everyone else and everyone pretended to love it, even if it was inedible," he hollowly laughed, gripping her arm instead of her shirt now.
Well, that certainly explained his aversion to pasta earlier in the night. "Heh, that's too bad. I love pasta," she chuckled softly, "I probably would have tried it."
"the taste is indescribable," Sans half-chuckled, holding her arm a bit tighter. "i probably would have threatened you," he reminisced, "to not say anything and just eat it. i do it a lot," he admitted softly.
"Well, he wouldn't really learn that way, but I suppose I can understand the need to spare his feelings. Bet ya I could've redirected into making it edible," she winked a little at him.
"heh, maybe, but i don't think i ever want it to be any different at this point," he started to tremble. "it wouldn't be his otherwise…"
Sans closed his eye as her thumb came down and gently wiped the tears from his face. "I get that," she said softly. "My brother just learned to cook on the grill outside, and he makes the blandest and driest burgers ever. It doesn't matter how much ketchup, mustard or pickles I drown it in, it's still just so… blah," she chuckled a little. "But he likes it, and it's kinda like… I can't bring myself to tell him how to fix it, he's just so proud of himself."
Sans chuckled a little, tears starting to flow as he did. "yeah, that's paps and pasta. but his teacher is arguably worse than he is. he was learning from undyne, captain of the guard. it was his "special training" so he would feel more included… we were trying to keep him from the guard. he's strong, but he's just…"
"To naïve?"
"yeah, pretty much," Sans said as he leaned into her a bit more, burying his face once again in her shirt. "it's what got him killed," he started to tremble. "he thought all the kid needed was someone to believe in them, that he could talk them out of it… that all they needed," he began to violently shake and sob, "was a friend… he wouldn't… he wouldn't listen to me!"
Sans felt her arms squeeze tightly around him, once again trying to hold him together. He wrapped his arms around her once again, squeezing in return. "It was a noble thought all the same. And if it wasn't for the sociopathic child… his line of reasoning wouldn't be too bad with most humans," she tried softly.
"i don't really care," he muttered, gripping her tighter. "he's gone… nothing else matters…"
"Of course other things matter," she declared, gently stroking his skull. "You matter, Sans. I know it's painful, but it does get easier with time. And don't think you're not allowed to feel this grief either. Your brother was murdered, you're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to break down," she gently pulled him back so he could look up at her, tears in her own eyes as well, "because sometimes, when we lose someone who was our main support, we have to rebuild ourselves to learn to live without them."
Blackened sockets looked up into tear-filled blue eyes and Sans felt himself begin to break. It wasn't just the points that he couldn't control, as he looked up at her, he felt all hesitation to hold back leave him. Her permission wasn't needed, but hearing it aloud seemed to reassure him that she wouldn't think less of him for doing so. Why he thought that was beyond him, maybe some stupid thing he told himself so he wouldn't just break down in front of anyone… but now…
Sans broke. Everything in him just shattered. Papyrus was gone, and he was truly letting himself feel that now. It wasn't just a broken realization. He was letting it sink in. He would never hear his laugh, hear him scream about his puns, hear him call him lazy, yell at him to pick up his socks… he would never hear the words of encouragement that kept him going. He always knew what he needed, even before he did most of the time. He didn't have his support, the person he trusted more than anyone to just… let everything out with. Yes, he kept him out of the resets because there was no point in stressing him out over it. Nothing he did ever changed it… he didn't want to burden Papyrus with the same depression that had started eating at him. The same depression that Papyrus' usual personality seemed to make disappear when he was around.
How he still had tears was beyond him, but they continued to flow. Somewhere, he felt bad that he was soaking Jewel's shirt when she had no change of clothes with her, that he was squeezing her with what strength he had in his tired bones. But she didn't once move him. Instead, he could feel dampness on his skull. She was crying with him. Whether it was from her own circumstances or she related, or whatever it was… it helped. He didn't know why, but it helped. He squeezed her tighter than he had before. He knew somewhere in the back of his skull she had to be hurting, that he might be hurting her… that the tears might be from that… but until she said something, he wasn't going to stop.
He didn't know how long it had been, but he was almost out. He finally lost the tears, he finally lost most of his strength… all he wanted to do was sleep… but he didn't let her go. He was still in that awkward position, both is arms and legs wrapped around her torso as she sat on the bed, shoulders against the wall, his arms just barely underneath where she met the cold stone. He was almost asleep, his breathing finally evening out. He felt her move, trying to gently move his arms.
He protested, actively fighting her as he grabbed her tighter. "no," he muttered, brokenly, exhaustion evident, "don't go…"
Jewel was utterly confused, taken aback by how he clung to her. She thought he had been asleep, but he was still conscious enough to speak his mind. Yes, they had technically slept in the hall like this previously… was he going to make this a habit? She couldn't deny she had wished she had someone when she was in episodes like this, but she had to deal with crying into her pillow… she didn't know how to react to this. It felt awkward, they barely knew one another… but she couldn't deny how she worried about him. Irrational as it was, there was… familiarity with the skeleton now. He was the only one she really knew down here and he wasn't so bad…
She was tired too, and she wasn't about to argue with him. So instead, she held him close, essentially picking him up with her. He protested, whining against her, but he stopped when he realized she was just laying down. She made herself comfortable, laying on her side, and moving his leg out from underneath her. She moved the pillow between them both, using the top for herself with her arm underneath it and letting him rest his head on the bottom of it, while still against her. She leaned down a bit, her chin against the top of his skull. Sans pulled himself closer to her, wrapping his arms tighter around her as he straightened his back and torso, his legs just kind of falling where they may on the bed, partially intertwined with hers. He was too tired to think about anything else. He just needed to cling to her… and sleep.