5 Times Five Insisted He Wasn't A Child
Klaus/Ben
Klaus was bored. And he hated being bored. Normally in situations like this, he would go bug Diego, or another one of his siblings, but this particular day, all his siblings were out. Allison was doing some premier thing, Vanya had rehearsal. Luther had actually gotten himself a job at a construction site, which was a good place for him to practice his strength. Diego was cleaning at the boxing gym, as part of his arrangement with Al, and Five was off doing whatever the hell Five does.
That's why Klaus felt that it was reasonable to dig into the bar at the house. He would have been able to drink in peace, if it wasn't for old Benny boy glaring him down.
"Stop looking at me like that!" Klaus whined as he took another swig of his drink.
"Klaus, it's 10am in the morning!"
"It's five o'clock somewhere…" Klaus said, much to Ben's dismay. A flash of blue interrupted whatever Ben was about to say, and next thing he knew, Five was making himself a margarita. Ben groaned, making Klaus laugh, which earned a raised eyebrow from Five.
"Fivey man, I knew you were my favourite brother!" Klaus exclaimed. "So why are you drinking so early in the morning?"
"I could ask you the same thing." Five scoffed.
"Touche little bro, touche."
"Don't call me that." Five scowled. "Besides, it's five o'clock somewhere."
Ben sighed loudly, even though Klaus was the only one who could hear it.
"Klaus," Ben said. "We should really stop him from drinking. He's only 13."
"Only physically, Benny."
Five decided to ignore the conversation going on in front of him, realizing that it was just Klaus arguing with Ben about something not worth his time.
"Klaus I don't care if he's 58 mentally! His body is still 13, and drinking isn't good for any one's body!" Ben argued pointedly. Klaus rolled his eyes, then looked over to his younger/older brother. Five was leaning against the back counter, drink in one hand, and notebook in the other. Even though the apocalypse was stopped, Five was always scribbling something in the notebook, and Klaus knew better than to ask.
"Hey Fivey?" Five scowled.
"I told you not to call me that. What do you want?" Five's tone was one of frustration and annoyance, definitely not the kind that made Klaus want to lecture him on his drinking habits.
"Um, nevermind. Bye!"
Five sighed and shook his head, but said nothing as Klaus scurried out of the room.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Ben asked.
"Because I'd like to live a little longer, Benny. But of course, you wouldn't get it, would you?" Klaus teased, smirking at Ben.
"You're an idiot. And someone's gonna have to tell him eventually."
"Yea, yea, eventually, but not today." Klaus said, brushing the issue aside.
Ben sighed and looked back into the living room where Five had just finished his second glass, and was already making his third. Someone really needed to stop him.
'Eventually' came about a week later, in the early hours of the morning. The phone rang, and because the rest of his siblings were a bunch of lazy shitholes (or asleep, same thing really), It was up to Klaus to put an end to the annoying sound.
"Bill's Roadside Diner! You kill 'em, we grill 'em!" Klaus could practically hear Ben roll his eyes, but hey, if someone was gonna call at 3 in the morning, Klaus was going to mess with them.
"Yes hell- Wait what?" Came the horrified response from the other side of the line.
"Just kidding! What's up? Klaus said casually. There was a pause on the other side, presumably the other person trying to gain their composure, before they answered.
"So um, there's a kid here? I don't know how he even got access to the drinks, but he's pretty drunk." Klaus had a vague idea of how said kid got those drinks, seeing as how the 'kid' could teleport.
"Anyway," the voice continued. "He gave me this number to call for a ride home."
Shit. Klaus couldn't drive. Well, he could, but not well. And Ben was a ghost, and dead people don't get to drive and possibly kill other people.
"This is NoMad Bar. The address is 10 W 28th St."
That was within walking distance! Klaus could just walk there and help Five walk home. The kid must have been pretty drunk to not realize that the bar wasn't even that far from his house.
"Ok thank you! I'll be there soon." Klaus hung up the phone, and strode towards the door. "Come on number six! We're going on an adventure!"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Nope!"
A short 10 minutes later, Klaus found himself in front of the bar, and to his surprise, Five was already outside, laying on his back in the middle of the sidewalk. Many people would step over him or around him, giving him weird looks.
"Geez, did I look that crazy when I got drunk?' Klaus asked Ben.
"Worse. And you look crazy right now talking to me."
Klaus glanced around to see that people were also giving him weird looks too. Sighing while running a hand through his hair, Klaus walked over to Five and bent down.
"Five, buddy, you can't lay down here."
"Why the fuck not?" Five snapped, though his words lacked their usual bite.
"Because this isn't your bed. Come on, let's get you home." Klaus took one of Five's arms and hung it across his shoulder, then lifted Five up. The problem was that Five insisted on staying on the ground, and would actually use his legs to support himself. Klaus was definitely not strong enough to carry him. Maybe he should have brought Luther.
"Fivey come onnnnnn," Klaus whined. "Help me out here!"
"Don't wanna." Was Five's slurred response. Klaus looked to Ben for help, but Ben just shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't look at me, I can't even touch him."
"Maybe I could grab his ankles and drag him?"
"No."
"Just a thought." Klaus sighed. The only option he had was to try and carry him. He wrapped one arm under the kid's knees, and the other around his torso, and lifted him up. Apparently Five didn't approve of this, because he started struggling immediately. More people were looking at them now.
"Five stop that! You're making me look like a bad dad!" Klaus hissed.
"Fuck off!" Five swore as he continued to wriggle around in Klaus's arms until Klaus finally let go, letting him drop to the ground. Ben couldn't help but giggle, earning a glare from Klaus.
"Oh you think this is funny, do you?"
"It is pretty amusing." Ben snorted. Klaus groaned, and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Ok, I'm gonna try and fireman's carry him." Klaus bent lifted his brother into a sitting position, then heaved his body over his shoulder. He stood up, and almost instantly fell backwards. This wasn't very practical, seeing as how unbalanced it was for him.
"I think imma puke…" Five muttered behind him.
So this was definitely a no no. Klaus put Five down just in time for him to puke into the nearest trash bucket. Klaus just sat down and leaned against a tree, trying to think of some way to get his little/older brother home. He could always call Diego or Luther, but he didn't want to bother them at this hour, and calling a cab seemed like a waste of money this close to home.
"Maybe give him a piggyback?" Ben suggested. At least Ben was trying to be helpful.
"Yea, but what if he kills me out of anger?"
"Maybe he's too drunk to really think about it."
"So you want me to bet my life on the chance that Five is too drunk to care?"
"Do you have any better ideas?"
"...Fuck. Come on Fivey, you're getting a free ride here!"
Said kid had just finished puking his guts out into the trash can, and didn't really get what was happening until Klaus picked him up. He was now on Klaus's back, and Klaus was holding his legs, so out of natural instinct, Five snaked his arms around Klaus's neck to hold on for dear life. And so the two (three) made their way back home, with Five resting on Klaus's back, and Klaus praying that Five doesn't snap his neck. Luckily for him, the kid was all tired out. Ben gave Klaus a look, and Klaus gave him a look back. They had a small argument with their eyes, where Ben kept gesturing to the half asleep kid on his back, and Klaus would shake his head slightly and give him an, "are you crazy" look. Finally, Klaus gave in.
"Hey Five?"
"Hmm?" Five hummed. Klaus bit his lip nervously.
"Do you think that maybe, just maybe you're drinking too much?"
No response.
"I mean like, you're not even of legal drinking age, and it's not really good for you and-"
"Says the one who started drinking at the age of 12, so shut up."
"Fivey, I just want what's best for you." Klaus said softly.
"I'm not a fucking kid, I am 58 years old, and you guys can't tell me what to do!" Five yelled. Ben opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted but Five.
"And that includes you Ben!"
Klaus laughed while Ben looked part shocked and part impressed.
"You may be an old man, but to the rest of the world, you're 13! I hate to be the one to say this, but you need to dial it down a bit." Klaus reminded the kid.
Five tensed on his back.
"It's not like I want to be 13 again." Five whispered gloomily. Klaus immediately felt guilty. Five really didn't want to be stuck in that body, but so far, there was nothing that he could do. Klaus really hated bringing it up when it wasn't in a joking manner.
"I know." Klaus assured softly.
After that day, Five stopped going to bars when he was stressed, and instead pursued more coffee, which Ben said was another addiction that needed to be stopped, but Klaus said that they should just take the win.
Luther
When they were kids, Luther and Five didn't really find themselves hanging out very much, despite the fact that they were twins. Five preferred to spend his time with Klaus, Ben and Vanya, and Luther preferred to hang out with Allison, and occasionally Diego, if he wasn't too busy clinging to mom. Now, Five was back, and at first, they didn't even have any time to hang out, or catch up, because they were all too busy trying to stop the apocalypse. Twice.
So when they finally made it back home, Luther took it upon himself to try and build a stronger relationship with his siblings, especially Five. The problem was that Luther often forgot that Five wasn't actually 13, which turned into some awkward situations. One time, they went to McDonalds together, and Luther ordered Five a kids meal. Five ended up eating Luther's meal in retaliation, leaving the big guy with a small kids meal.
Luther was really trying, and Five knew that, but it was really frustrating and hurtful to his pride to be treated like a little kid. But the things that Five wanted to do weren't things that Luther wanted to do. Five wanted to read his science books, and research more things, and find formulas to better his jumping and time travel. Luther didn't really understand half the things that came out of Five's mouth. It just never seemed to work out well. So on this particular rainy day in the Hargreeves mansion, Luther decided to try again.
"Hey Five!" Luther called, taking a seat on the couch across from Five. Five hummed in acknowledgment, but kept his eyes on the book he was holding. Luther bit his tongue, and the two sat there for a few moments in awkward silence.
"Whatcha reading there buddy?" Five raised an eyebrow at the name.
"Mathematical Methods by K. F Riley."
Luther nodded in fake understanding, pursing his lips. There was another awkward silence as Luther racked his brain for things to say. What did kids even do nowadays?
"So it's raining outside. Perfect weather to go out and play in the mud!" Yea, that made sense. Allison was always talking about how Claire loved to play in the mud.
Five scrunched up his face in confusion.
"Um, no thanks."
Okay, that made sense. Five seemed more like an indoor play person. He didn't like getting dirty, so mud wasn't the best choice.
"That's fine! We could play hide and seek?"
"No."
"Have a pillow fight?"
"Nope."
"We could make a fort out of these cushions! Dad's not here to stop us!"
"Definitely not."
"A board game?"
Finally, Five looked up from his book.
"Luther, what are you doing?" Five asked, clearly lacking patience.
"Um, I was listing ideas of things we could do to hang out."
"And you thought those were good ideas?"
Luther shrugged, unsure of what to say. Five saw his confusion, and took a breath to maintain his composure.
"Luther, I'm not five years old. I'm not even 13 years old. Playing in mud, and having a pillow fight doesn't interest me. I'm not a little kid."
"Sorry." Luther sighed. "I just keep forgetting. I don't know how else to hang out with you. I'm not smart enough to talk to you about your math stuff, and the only thing I know about 13 year olds is that they're technically still children, so they must like childish things."
Five rubbed his temple with one hand. He could see where the big guy was coming from, he just wished he didn't do it that way.
"Alright. How about we sit here and list things that we could do together?" Five proposed, putting his book down, and grabbing his notebook and pen. Luther perked up instantly.
"Yea, okay!"
"So first, we could just go and get some coffee. I like coffee, and you, well coffee shops have other things. Then we could just sit there and talk."
"Okay that works. Oh! We could go to the library together! I know you like the library." Luther beamed and Five's mouth curved into a smile as he wrote it down.
"We could go to the planetarium, or the observatory." Five suggested. "You lived on the moon for 4 years, I bet you know some cool things about it."
"And we can go to the science centers in New York! You can try to teach me some of the basics!"
Five laughed at his brother's excitement, and couldn't help feel the same way.
"See? There's lots of ways we can hang out that don't involve treating me like a kid."
Luther grinned sheepishly, but laughed with Five.
"Yea, I guess I just needed to think a little harder."
Luther and Five did end up building a stronger relationship, and Luther never invited Five to do something that Five considered childish again. Unless of course, Five threw the pillow first. Then he was going down.
Allison
Allison first noticed it when she went downstairs to get a cup of water. It was around 4:30 in the morning. As she rounded the corner into the kitchen, she almost had a heart attack then and there. There, laying on top of the counter was a sleeping Five, surrounded by papers filled with equations. Allison leaned against the wall and put her hand to her chest, waiting for her heartbeat to return to normal. What the hell was Five doing sleeping in the kitchen at 4:30 in the morning?!
"Five!" Allison whispered as she softly shook Five.
"Five, wake up!"
Five woke with a start and instantly pressed a knife to Allison's throat. Where did he even get the knife from? Allison had had her throat cut once, and it wasn't pleasant. She looked at Five, who was looking back at her in confusion and exhaustion. Clearly he didn't recognize her.
"Five, it's me. Allison?" She said slowly, trying not to startle Five any further. Slowly, Five's eyes lit up in recognition, and he put the knife down, and took a few deep breaths.
"Sorry." He muttered, rubbing his eyes. Allison didn't miss the way his hands were trembling slightly. Ironic considering she was the one with the knife at her throat.
"It's fine, just gave me a small heart attack." She joked. Five didn't respond.
"So why are you sleeping on the kitchen counter anyways?" She asked him. Five looked up wearily.
"I wasn't."
Okay…..
"Five, when was the last time you slept?"
Five opened his mouth to answer.
"I mean a full night's sleep in your own bed."
Five closed his mouth.
"Why aren't you sleeping properly?"
"It's none of your business. I can do as I please."
Before Allison could even protest, he was gone. Guess his nap gave him enough energy to jump away from that conversation. Allison sighed, and poured herself some water. That boy was gonna kill himself with his lack of self care.
Over the next few weeks, Allison couldn't help but observe her little older brother. In many ways, Allison found herself comparing him to her daughter, Claire. She knew that Five wasn't actually 13, and even if he was, 13 was a big difference from and 6. Still, when she looked at Five, she still saw a little boy. She wanted to hug him and comfort him, but she knew that he would slice her arm off if she touched him. The real difference between Five and Claire was that Five was way more stubborn.
For example, here he was, sitting in the armchair, desperately fighting off sleep. He was reading another one of his complicated books, but he hadn't turned a page in over 10 minutes. His eyelids kept drooping, and his head kept falling to his chest, but everytime it happened, he shook himself away and tried to keep reading. Allison pursed her lips, trying to think of a way to approach the subject.
"Five?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why don't you go to bed?"
"Because I'm not tired." Five said. Allison gave him a pointed look, but Five just ignored her. That, or he completely missed it out of exhaustion.
"Come on honey, you're clearly exhausted."
This time, Five looked up and glared.
"Did you just call me honey?" He asked. Shit. Allison didn't even notice.
"I'm so sorry, I just mixed you up with-"
"With Claire?" Five finished for her. Allison nodded sheepishly, but Five looked even more pissed.
"Allison, I am not some 6 year old who needs his mommy to tuck him in. I am not a little kid, and I'm not your child." Five said roughly, before getting up and leaving the room quickly, too tired to jump. Allison sighed and rubbed her head. That didn't go well.
About two weeks later, Allison was in her room doing some paperwork for the court. It was almost one in the morning, but Allison didn't mind staying up late if it meant she got to see Claire sooner. Suddenly, she heard a scream a few rooms down. In an instant, Allison was up and out of her room, quietly sneaking towards the source of the scream. She moved slowly, in case there was an intruder. The scream came from Five's room. She stood at the doorway, and peeked in, ready to fight. Instead, all she saw was Five sitting on his bed, breathing heavily and sweating. There was no one else in the room. Allison relaxed, and kept herself hidden. Inside, Five brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his knees. Allison wasn't sure, but it looked like he was crying.
Allison could feel her heart breaking, and she ached to comfort him. Except that Five would probably rather die than let Allison hug him and cradle him to sleep like she did for Claire. But maybe he would respond to other ways. Entering the kitchen, Allison started boiling some water. Though Five preferred coffee, tea was best for the situation. She grabbed a cup and plate, and some packets of sugar and honey. Once the tea was ready, she slowly went back upstairs, and knocked softly on Five's door.
"Five?" She whispered.
There was no answer, so Allison let herself in. Five didn't raise his head from his knees.
"Hey, I brought you some tea." She said, kneeling down. Five looked up, and Allison noticed the dark bags under his red eyes. She tried to ignore them, and smiled softly at Five.
"Do you want any honey or sugar in it?"
Five shook his head, but still took the cup of tea. Allison couldn't help but smile. He liked his coffee like he liked his tea. Plain, or black. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, while Five drank the tea, and Allison waited for him to finish.
"Nightmare?" She asked.
No response.
"I get them all the time. Sometimes they're about Claire dying, or one of you guys dying. Sometimes it's about when I lost my voice. Sometimes it's about the end of the world."
Five looked at her.
"Do you know what I do when I have them?"
Five shook his head.
"I talk to someone. Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes it's mom or Pogo. There's nothing wrong with having nightmares, and there's nothing wrong with getting help."
"The apocalypse." Five mumbled.
"What?"
"The apocalypse." Five sighed. "I keep having nightmares about being back in the apocalypse, alone."
"I'm sorry." she said. "Sorry that you had to go through that."
Five nodded in acknowledgement.
"And I'm sorry I treated you like Claire the other day."
Five looked up at her, and gave a puff of laughter.
"I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. It's not as bad as when Luther tried to get me to play hide and seek with him.
Allison laughed at the thought.
"Oh no! He did that? I'm surprised he's still alive!"
Five laughed too.
"He almost didn't. He told me that you had mentioned that Claire loved hide and seek, and assumed I would too."
Allison laughed even harder, falling backwards.
"Guess I'm not the only one in this house."
The two laughed for a few minutes until they ran out of breath.
"I don't mean to treat you like Claire… It's just that you're so small again, and sometimes, you look so sad. My first instinct is to hug you, but I don't wanna lose a limb." Allison said.
"It makes more sense for you, I guess." Five confessed. "Since you're the only one who actually has a child. The others don't have an excuse though." He joked.
"No they don't." Allison laughed. "But that won't stop them."
They laughed a little more, before sitting there in a comfortable silence. Five kept looking at Allion, smiling softly.
"What?" Allison asked.
"You're a really good mother, you know." Five said. Allison looked down.
"Not good enough apparently."
"You are." He argued. "I'm sorry about what happened with Claire. I really am."
"Thank you."
"I guess, if you wanted, I'll let you call me honey. Only for you though."
Allison looked up in shock.
"Really?"
Five shrugged, not looking her in the eye.
"Yea. But no one else!"
Allison laughed softly, wiping some tears from her eyes.
"Of course! And you know you can come get me, or anyone else if you have trouble sleeping right?"
Five smiled wistfully.
"I'll try. Thank you for the tea."
"Of course, honey." Allison said, smiling as she added 'honey' at the end. Five rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything, as he started to fall asleep once again. Allison really hoped that he would actually get some real rest.
Eventually, everyone started copying Allison, and began calling Five honey, much to his dismay.
Diego
It was a quiet night, aside from the hum of the boiler in his little home. Diego sat at his bed sharpening his knives in preparation for that night. Diego tried to go out at least 3 nights a week to stop crimes along the streets, like he usually did. It was never really anything that exciting. Just the occasional convenience store robbery, or street mugging. Still, it was more fun than staying at home. He also tried to avoid any police crime scenes going on. He used to love it, but after Patch died, he couldn't bring himself to help on the crime scenes.
Diego glanced at the clock, reading half past one. He should head out now. Before he even got a chance to get up, there was a knock at his door. Diego rolled his head back and sighed loudly, getting up for the door.
"Al, I promise I'll get around to cleaning the stupid flo-"
Except that it wasn't Al. It was little number Five. Not that Diego would call him that to his face. Five looked up and smirked.
"You should be glad that I actually decided to knock instead of just jumping in."
"That's because you knew that I would stick you full of knives if you just jumped in like that." Diego retorted.
"You wish you could touch me with your knives."
"Get in here you smartass." Diego said. "How'd you even know where I lived anyway?"
"Luther." Was all Five said as he made his way to the back closet, where Diego kept extra weapons.
"Um, what are you doing?"
"I'm looking for an adequate weapon for tonight." Five said as if it was obvious.
"Five what are you talking about?" Diego really hoped that Five wasn't saying what he thought he was saying.
Five sighed in frustration.
"You're going out tonight, right?"
Dammit. He was.
"Five there is absolutely no way I'm letting you come with me tonight!"
"What? And why not?" Five fumed.
"Because it's too dangerous!"
Five laughed loudly.
"Dangerous? DANGEROUS? Yeah it's gonna be dangerous, but not for me!"
"I don't know Five, I don't want you to get hurt. Plus, you might get in my way."
Now the kid was actually mad.
"Really Diego? Really? If anything, you'd get in my way!" Five stood right in front of Diego, getting close to his face, except it was kind of cute because Five had to stand on his tippy toes to reach. Diego tried not to smirk.
"I am the best assassin in the world, Diego. Do you know how many people I've killed? More than your little pea brain can count. Let me come, or I'll add you to the list."
Diego groaned and rolled his eyes, since there was really no fighting Five once he had that look in his eyes.
"Alright, alright. Make sure you grab a good weapon." He caved. Five grinned triumphantly and grabbed a baseball bat and a garden spade, which he put in his pocket for close contact fights.
"Why do you even wanna come so bad?"
Five shrugged, swinging the bat around to test its balance.
"I was bored."
Diego and Five walked through the streets, keeping an eye out for anyone crimes going on. Unfortunately, the streets seemed pretty empty. Five was clearly still bored, and Diego had to admit that he was hoping to punch some people that night.
"Ugh, why does crime never happen when I'm looking for it?" Five complained.
"You're not looking hard enough. 10 o'clock." Diego said in a hushed tone. Five looked in the direction Diego said, where a very prestigious looking man was being cornered by 6 men. The man was wearing a nice looking watch and suit, and was carrying a very high quality briefcase, probably the reason he was being targeted.
"W-what do you want?" The man stuttered.
"Nothin much, just your money." One of the thugs responded. The man moved forward to, ready to punch, when a knife whipped past his head.
"What the fuck?" The 6 men turned to look at Diego.
Diego gave a smile and waved.
"Hello! How are you?"
The men gave him weird looks, clearly confused as to why this random knife thrower was greeting them. Suddenly, there was a flash of blue behind them, and a whack, and one of the men crumpled to the ground. The remaining 5 men turned around, where Five was holding a baseball bat. He gave them his signature grin.
"Why you little-" The biggest man made a grab for Five, but he was too slow, and Five had already jumped next to Diego.
"What the fuck?! Did you see that?!"
And so the fight began. Obviously neither of them wanted to kill anyone, so Five wass holding back, trying to have some fun. One advantage of having a small body was that he was more agile, and able to duck around small places easier, saving him energy on his powers. Diego kept getting the attention of any one that went near Five, leaving Five with no one to fight, and Diego with too many. Five was pretty annoyed that Diego insisted on taking them all at once, touched, but annoyed. Besides, Diego couldn't hold his own for long.
Five teleported himself onto one of the men's shoulders and snaked his arms around his neck. The man instantly stopped attacking Diego, and started to focus on the tiny menace on his back. He clawed at Five's arms, but Five didn't give up so easily. Then the man slammed Five into the brick wall next to them, and did so repeatedly until Five finally let go and fell to the ground, gritting his teeth. Another man decided to help out, and picked Five up by the collar of his uniform button up, and then raised his arm to punch. Five jumped just in time, and the man hit the wall, cursing as he massaged his knuckles.
The biggest guy, who was fighting Diego, glanced over to see that both men were clearly struggling to take down this puny child. He sighed and cracked his knuckles, leaving Diego to keep fighting the last two men.
"If you want something right, you've gotta do it yourself." The man grumbled as he walked up behind Five, about to grab him.
Five saw him coming and turned and swung his bat as hard as he could. The man was ready though, and grabbed the bat mid swing, snapping it in his large hands. He made another grab for Five, and Five jumped just in time. This went on for a few minutes, with Five jumping out of reach of the big guy, and using his hand to hand combat skills on the other two. Then he ran out of energy, and ended up against the wall with huge hands choking him. His feet were far off the ground, and the man's beefy arms weren't budging, despite Five's kicks and hits.
Five remembered the garden spade he had put in his pocket in case of an emergency, and struggled to reach it, feeling his vision go white. He pulled the spade out, and stabbed the man's arms as hard as he could. The man swore, but only dropped one hand, keeping the other around Five's neck.
Fuck, he was gonna run out of oxygen if he didn't get away.
Suddenly, two knives flew through the air and embedded themselves in the man's shoulder blades and side. This time, the man yelled in pain and dropped Five, who took as many breaths of oxygen. The man roared in anger, and pulled the two knives out of himself, turning towards Diego. Diego was quick, but not quick enough. The man grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him in the chest, leaving Diego gasping for air. That had to be at least a few broken ribs. Then the man punched him in the face, and threw him across the alley, where Diego hit the wall hard, before slumping to the ground.
The group of men stalked closer to Diego, who was struggling to stay conscious, when the big man took the knives he was holding, and held them up, ready to stab Diego, probably to death. In that instant, Five's survival instincts kicked in, and he used the last bit of energy to jump to the man's shoulders. In one swift motion, Five snapped the big guy's neck, and the man crumpled beneath him. The man right beside him reached out in instinct, to help his friend, but Five was still seeing red, and quickly took the knives still in the big guy's hand, and jumped behind the other guy, kicking his knees in, and as the man fell down, he used the knives and slashed his neck.
It wasn't exactly his cleanest job, because blood sprayed everywhere, onto the other men, Diego, and Five himself. The man gasped for breath as he slowly sank to the ground, silently begging for help, before he finally died. Five stood above both dead men, breathing heavily, face covered in blood, while the remaining three men and Diego looked in shock.
"Y-y-you just killed them!" One man shouted in horror and anger. Five said nothing, refusing to meet Diego's eyes. He didn't mean to kill them. It was just a moment of instinct. He saw Diego in danger, and reacted. It didn't change the fact that he had killed them though. It wasn't anything new. Although Five regretted all the people he killed, including these two, he was used to it by now. Used to the blood, and the horror on other peoples faces. What he wasn't used to was having one of his siblings there to witness it. In the background, police sirens sounded.
"Come on man, let's get out of here." One guy urged the angry man. The third man was grabbing the fourth man that Five had knocked unconscious earlier. The angry man shook off his friends hand, and pointed a finger at Five.
"You! You are a psychotic killer!" the man hissed. Five tensed, but ignored him anyways, opting to help Diego up so they could leave. The sirens were getting louder.
"Let's go man! The cops are getting closer." The man grabbed his friend's arm and dragged him away along with the other two men, all while the angry man yelled horrible things to Five, including promises that he would pay. As their voices got farther away, Five bent down, and helped Diego stand up. Diego instantly grunted in pain, and wrapped an arm around his ribs.
"We gotta get back to my place. I got some first aid stuff."
Five didn't argue. As they made their slow and painful walk back to the boxing gym, an awkward silence fell over both of them.
"So," Diego started. Five tensed, waiting for the inevitable.
"Are you hurt?"
Five blinked. Was he hurt?
"Um, nothing bad. Just some bruises, and maybe cracked ribs." Five croaked. Diego raised an eyebrow.
"How's your throat? He was choking you for quite a while."
"I'm fine, Diego. I can handle myself."
"But you don't have to."
Five scowled.
"I'm not a child Diego. I don't need or want you to kiss my boo-boo's better."
Diego smirked.
"I didn't say that, but now I want to."
"I said I'm not a child!" Five snapped. Diego stopped smiling, and there was another awkward silence.
"I didn't say you were." Diego breathed. "I'm just saying that you don't have to suffer your injuries alone."
Five rolled his eyes.
"Maybe, but you kept trying to protect me from all of them, like I couldn't handle myself. Now look who's more hurt here." Five grumbled.
"Of course I'm gonna try to protect you! It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're in a child's body!" Diego argued. Five raised an eyebrow. "Fine, it has a little bit to do with the fact that you're in a child's body. But also because you're my brother, and I don't want to see you hurt! You literally did the same for me!"
Five sighed, seeing his brother's point.
"Fine. But if you baby me in any way, I'll kill you in your sleep."
Diego laughed.
"So does that mean I can't kiss your boo-boo's away?" He asked in a baby voice.
"Fuck you."
Vanya
On nice days, Vanya liked to go for a walk in central park. The greenery was especially nice between April and June. Taking walks every now and then really helped her relax, and take a break from the stresses of life, and her siblings. As she was putting her shoes on, Five suddenly blinked in front of her.
"Wha-?!"
"Are you going to the park?" Five asked, looking at his nails.
"Um, yea. I am." Vanya responded, unsure why Five was asking.
"Can I join you?" Five asked her. That was unusual. Five never really showed an interest in going outside unless it involved going to a bar, coffee shop or library. Still, she wouldn't mind the company.
"Yeah, sure!" She said, giving Five a warm smile.
The walk to the park was rather silent, and Vanya couldn't help but wonder if Five would get uncomfortable walking in his formal dress shoes. She knew better than to ask though. Finally, the two stepped into the lush greenery of Central Park, and Vanya could practically feel the fresh air entering her lungs. It was a welcome comfort to the smog she was so used to breathing.
"So, I usually just do a loop around the park, if you wanna join, or just do your own thing and meet up here." Vanya said. Five nodded, and stuck his hands in his pocket.
"I'll just join you if that's okay."
"Of course! That's fine." Vanya assured him, and the two began walking down the path.
It really was a beautiful day. It was a Saturday afternoon and the park was filled with people. There were couples holding hands, bikers, parents and their children and groups of friends that ate ice cream and laughed amongst themselves. While Vanya was still unsure as to Five's reasons for joining her, she found herself feeling relaxed walking with her brother. If Five just wanted to walk without talking, she could do that.
Near the last quarter of the walk, they came upon a designated rest station. There were washrooms, and water fountains, and also a children's playground with multiple picnic tables around it.
"I'm gonna go refill my water bottle, and maybe take a break on that bench." Vanya said, pointing towards the bench facing the playground. Five nodded and sat down on the bench, leaning back and closing his eyes. Vanya quickly filled her water bottle and sat down next to Five, mimicking him. The two sat there, taking deep breaths and enjoying the warmth of the sun on their faces.
Vanya found herself listening in on all the sounds around her. Vanya loved the sounds around her. She could hear the endless chatter around her of all sorts of people, the laughter of children, and wind rustling through the trees, the sound of bike bells, and the water fountain being used. After a few minutes of it, Vanya opened her eyes to observe the playground in front of her. One thing she loved about playgrounds was how it was never only little kids who hung out on it. More often than not, there were teenagers there in groups, talking and swinging on the swingset. It made her smile, knowing that they still wanted to play on the playground, despite their age. Vanya noticed one of the teenagers, maybe 13 or 14 was looking her way. Or more specifically, at Five, who still had his eyes closed as he leaned back. The teenager, a young girl, approached them.
"Hi!" She said cheerfully. Five blinked an eye open, giving the girl a once over. Once he decided she wasn't a threat, he closed his eyes again. The girl bit her lip, but tried again.
"Um, hi there!"
Five sighed softly before looking at her.
"Yes?" He said with a strained smile.
"Me and my friends were going to play lava tag," The girl explained, gesturing to where a group of teens, presumably her friends, stood. "We wanted to know if you'd like to join us! If that's okay with your mom."
Vanya tensed as she saw Five's eye twitch, and his jaw clench. She heard about the time he had traumatized a mother and her son at the bowling alley, when Five claimed he would rather chew off his own foot than hang out with the poor kid, and decided that she didn't want a repeat. So before Five could open his mouth to say something back, Vanya answered for him.
"Sorry, he's not a fan of lava tag." Vanya smiled apologetically. Vanya could see Five looking at her from the corner of her eye, but ignored him. The girl nodded in understanding, looking a little disappointed.
"That's fine! If you want to join us later, feel free too!" The girl said with a wave, before running off to join her friends. Vanya sighed softly and finally turned to look at Five. Five scowled, and refused to meet her eye, turning himself away from Vanya.
"Five, come on, talk to me." Vanya pleaded softly. Five scoffed.
"What's there to talk about?" Five grumbled, crossing his arms.
"Why didn't you want to play with them?" Vanya cringed instantly at her word choice, and Five clearly didn't like it either.
"Play? Play!? Because I'm not a little kid who has fun playing tag on the playground, Vanya!" Five yelled, earning some weird looks from people passing by. Vanya simply nodded to the people giving her weird looks, giving them an awkward smile.
"I'm sorry, wrong choice of words. I just mean, you don't hang out with anyone, of any age. It's not healthy." Vayna said softly.
"I'm perfectly fine, and I can be social if I want to be." Five huffed, turning away again.
Vanya looked back to the group of teens on the playground, laughing and having fun. She couldn't understand why Five didn't want to hang out with them, or anyone. He didn't join any clubs, or try to meet people outside of the house. At one point, Allison had suggested that Five try going to school again. She argued that at some point the government would wonder why a 13 year old wasn't getting an education, and that it would be a good way for Five to reintegrate into society. The conversation didn't go well, as you would expect, and Five locked himself in his room for a few days out of anger.
Honestly, when she thought about it, Vanya noticed that Five was really awkward. He wasn't good at interacting with people, including his family, and often said the wrong thing. He was too old mentally to want to hang out with people "his age", but he looked too young to make friends with other older people. Although, despite his constant reminders that he was actually 58, he didn't always act like it. Sometimes, he still acted like the 13 year old Vanya remembered before he left.
It made sense when you thought about it. Five was mature in many ways, when it came to survival and hardships, but being alone for 45 years, he didn't really have anyone to practice his social skills with, other than a mannequin. Five has the survival skills of an old man who's suffered trauma, but his social skills were as good as they were when he was 13. Vanya could see how Five felt out of place wherever he was.
"I'm sorry." Vanya finally said. Five gave her a confused look.
"What for?"
"I'm sorry you got stuck in the future for 45 years." Five tensed, but she continued. "I'm sorry the only company you had was a mannequin. I'm sorry that you feel like you don't belong in any group. I'm sorry I pushed you for an answer."
Five didn't say anything for a few moments, and Vanya thought that that was the end of the conversation, when Five sat up straighter and turned to her.
"It's not your fault that I was stuck, but thank you. I guess I do feel out of place, but I don't know what to do about it."
"You know, it might not be so bad trying to make friends who are teenagers. It'll be easier than trying to hang out with adults. They probably won't take you seriously." Vanya said, looking over to the group of teens that were still playing.
"That's childish." Five said.
"I don't think it's childish to want to have fun and make friends." Vanya suggested. Five still looked unsure. "At least give it a try? Please?"
Five looked over at Vanya's pleading face, and groaned while rubbing his head.
"I can't promise I won't murdur one of them if they're really annoying or stupid." Five informed her as he got up to walk towards the group.
"I can live with that!" Vanya laughed. She watched as Five walked up to the group, hands in his pockets. She couldn't hear anything from where she was sitting, but the kids instantly included Five. One of them wrapped an arm around Five's shoulder and it looked like he was introducing the group. Although Five tensed at the touch, he didn't pull away like Vanya feared, and within minutes, Five sheepishly started playing with them. He glanced back towards Vanya, almost as if he was looking to see if she was judging him, or thinking of him as a little kid, but Vanya just smiled back and waved, getting up and signaling that she was gonna keep going. Five smiled back at her and nodded, before he was tagged by the person who was it, and suddenly his attention was back to the kids, where he joined in their laughter about how he didn't even see the tagger get near him.
Five did make some friends, much to everyone's surprise, and eventually, agreed to actually give school a chance. It's not like it was hard, right?
The Time He Let Himself Be Treated Like A Child
Five loved the Christmas season. As children, they didn't really celebrate it, they just got a day off, but now that the world was safe and he was with his family, Five found himself drawn to the lights and music of the season. Not that he would openly admit that to his family. So here he was, standing inside a Walmart with Allison, Klaus and Vanya. It was a week before Christmas, and Allison had insisted that they all go christmas shopping. Luther and Diego were busy, so unlucky Vanya, Klaus and Five were dragged along to go shopping. They had already gone to the mall, and multiple shopping complexes, and now, Allison wanted to shop at Walmart. So while Allison roamed the isles for gifts, Klaus was trying on dresses with Vanya giving her opinion.
Five leaned against the dressing room walls, not really paying attention to his siblings' antics, instead listening to the music playing over the store speakers. The song was Jingle Bell Rock, but after Klaus showed the family "Mean Girls", Five could only see the movie when he heard the song. Suddenly, Allison appeared behind him, and grabbed his shoulders.
"Fiiiveeee!" She sang in his ear.
"Yes?"
"I found you the perfect shirt!"
Before Five could ask what shirt she was talking about, Allison pulled out a red shirt that read, "I'm the reason Santa has a naughty list". Allison started laughing and Five rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile a little bit.
"Vanya! Come look at this shirt!" Allison called, and both Klaus and Vanya came over to look, before all three of them started laughing their head off.
"I think that shirt fits Klaus better!" Five argued, still smiling. "He's the trouble maker!"
"I don't know what you're talking about Fivey! I'm a saint! Right Ben?" Klaus asked, looking over to the empty space where Ben supposedly was. After a beat of silence, Klaus hissed in that direction.
"Ben didn't agree, I take it?" Vanya said, and all four of them (plus Ben) started laughing again. Half an hour later, the group finally exited the stores carrying loads of bags.
"No fair Ben. Just cause you're dead doesn't mean you shouldn't help." Klaus whined.
"Yea Ben!" Vanya teased, sparking more giggles from Allison. As they walked back to the car giggling, Five trailed behind slightly, enjoying the snow falling from the air. On bad days, it reminded him of the ashes, but today, it helped remind him that he was with his family again for Christmas. While he was looking up, some idiot who wasn't looking bumped into him. The man who bumped into him was carrying a drink, which spilt everywhere, and for some reason, was absolutely freezing.
"Fuck!" Both of them said at the same time, and Five's siblings turned around. Five was now wet and dripping.
"Watch where you're going asshole!" The man yelled at Five. Five scoffed and spread his arms.
"Watch where I'm going? You bumped into me! And why the fuck were you carrying a cold drink?" Five gestured angrily to his cold and wet clothing.
"Because I wanted a cold drink, what's it to you?"
"What do you mean, 'what's it to me'? I'm covered in your drink now!" Five snarled. The two of them were in each other's face, and it looked like a fight would break out, so Allions quickly jumped in.
"Woah, woah. Let's all calm down here. It's christmas! How about you both apologize, and move on?" Allison suggested. The man scoffed, and Five rolled his eyes.
"Fine. I'm sorry." Five forced out.
"I'm sorry." The other man grumbled. "You're lucky you have a hot mom."
"What?!" Five roared, ready to fight again. Allison grabbed him and started walking away.
"Just drop it." She told him. Five grumbled the whole way home.
The next day, Five didn't come down for breakfast.
"He's probably just sleeping in." Diego assured Allison, who kept looking at the stairs, waiting for Five to come down.
"You know Five, he never sleeps in! He always comes down super early and makes himself a coffee!" Allison argued.
"Yea, but now that he's started school, maybe he's just more tired, and now it's his christmas break, so he's taking advantage of it?" Vanya suggested, though it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Allison.
"If you're so worried, go check on him." Klaus said from his spot on the floor.
"You know what? I will." Allison decided.
"I'm coming with you." Vanya said. Diego sighed but stood up.
"Me too. Little brat is causing a ruckus this early in the morning." He said.
"Ooooo is this a family thing? Cause if so, I wanna come too." Klaus announced from the floor. Luther just shook his head and followed his siblings.
When they reached Five's room, Allison took it upon herself to knock softly on the door.
"Five? Honey, are you okay?"
There was no answer.
"We don't have time for this." Diego grumbled and reached forward to open the door. As soon as they stepped in the room, they noticed that the bed was empty, and that there was a lump on the floor, covered by blankets. Vanya crouched down and gently shook the pile, earning a muffled groan.
"Five, are you okay?" Vanya asked. The pile moved and started to sit up, until Five finally showed his face. He looked terrible. His face was red, and he was covered in sweat. He kept on sniffling, and his eyes were red.
"Jesus, Five, buddy, are you okay?" Klaus asked, also crouching down to look at Five better.
"Mm fine." Five sniffled. "Juthst a ruddy dose."
"I don't know Five, I think you're sick." Luther disagreed.
"Yea, no shit Sherlock. Five, get your ass back in bed." Diego ordered.
"How dib I eben get sick?" Five muttered hoarsely.
"I bet it was because that guy spilled his cold drink on you yesterday. It was already freezing out there." Allison replied while pushing Five back into bed and tucking him in.
"Whateber, I don hab time for dis." Five complained as he started trying to sit up and get out of bed. Diego pushed him back down with ease.
"Oh no you don't. You're staying in bed and resting until you get better." Diego told him with no room for argument.
"Come on, let us take care of you." Vanya said, giving Five a soft smile. Five looked around at the faces that surrounded him, and gave in.
"Fine." he groaned.
"Perfect!" Allison grinned. "Alright. Let's split up. I'll make chicken noodle soup?"
"I can get him a cool washcloth." Luther said.
"I can get him some water and pain killer." Diego said.
"Ben and I will find him some tissues." Klaus announced.
"If you want, I can play the violin for you?" Vanya suggested. Five gave a small nod.
Within 10 minutes, Allison was trying to feed Five her soup, and Five kept insisting he could hold the spoon himself, Diego was shoving the glass of water in Five's face, Luther clearly didn't know where to put the washcloth, since Five wasn't lying down, and Klaus kept putting tissues on Five's nose and telling him to blow. Vanya was standing beside them, trying not to laugh at Five's exasperated face, as he tried not to offend his well intentioned siblings.
"Okay guys, one at a time." Vanya laughed. "First, Five take the meds."
Everyone backed off slightly and Five took the pills and glass of water and swallowed two.
"Okay, Klaus, just put the tissues on the nightstand. When he needs them he'll grab them. Luther, place the cloth in a bowl of water for now." Luthe and Klaus obliged.
"Okay, now Five can eat the soup."
Allison grinned and held the soup to Five's mouth.
"I can feed myself Alli-" Allison shoved the spoonful of soup into Five's mouth before he even finished.
"There you go!" Allison crooned with a teasing smirk. Five huffed but just rolled his eyes, much to the amusement of his family. Five was sick for four days, and to everyone's surprise, he actually let his family baby him during those days. When Christmas Eve rolled around, Five was pretty much back to his normal self. The Hargreeves siblings decided that they wanted to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve, and so they decided that first, they would have dinner, then open presents, and after presents, they would watch a classic Christmas movie, like Home Alone. When they got to the gifts, Allison handed everyone a nicely wrapped box. Five opened his first.
"A santa onesie?"
Allison just grinned while everyone else opened theirs.
Luther, Vanya, Diego and Allison all had elf onesies, to match Five's santa onesie.
"Hey, how come I got a reindeer?" Klaus whined, but the only answer he got was laughter. For the first time ever, the Hargreeves family enjoyed a proper Christmas together. And there may or may not have been piggybacks on Klaus later.
*Bonus* A Time Five Was Forced To Be Treated Like A Child
"Why do you two have to pretend to be my parents?" Five complained. "Why not Allison, or Vanya?"
"Because we've already been mistaken for your parents once." Diego replied.
"That's stupid." Five said.
"Be nice to your father." Klaus warned, earning a scowl from Five.
After Five agreed to try school, they had a family meeting to determine who would play the role of Five's parents.
"We don't need to make one of you my parents! Just tell the truth! You're my siblings, and my legal guardians." Five said.
"But that's not as fun!" Klaus whined.
"Yea, I actually agree with Klaus." Allison said. "But I think I should be Five's mom. After all, I'm the only one with a daughter here."
"I've already played Five's dad before!" Klaus argued. Five felt that Allison had a better point, but here he was, in front of the school, with Diego and Klaus as his dads.
As the trio walked up to the school, they were met at the entrance by who Five presumed was the principal.
"Hello! You must be Klaus and Diego!" The principal greeted, and shook both their hands.
"I'm Mr. Manning! And you must be…"
"Five."
Mr. Manning's eyes widened slightly in shock, but he quickly replaced it with a smile.
"Five! So nice to meet you. Let's go and talk inside my office, shall we?"
"Of course!" Klaus said, looping his arms around Diego's, who gave him a small scowl, but didn't move away. Five rolled his eyes. Leave it to Klaus to be dramatic. Once the four of them were inside the office, Mr. Manning started his questions.
"So, how old are you, son?"
"He's 13, turning fourteen next month." Diego said before Five could say anything.
"Alright, so that would put you in grade 8." Mr. Manning said, making note of it.
"We should mention that our son is very intelligent though." Klaus mentioned, and Five sighed in relief.
"Really? Well, I suppose we could consider putting him in the 9th grade, but he'll have to take a short test though. Is that all right?" Mr. Manning asked.
"Yes, of course!" Klaus grinned.
"Alright, you can take it right now, I'll take you to an empty room to do it, while I talk to your parents." Mr. Manning said. He pulled out a file and stood up, leading Five to the room across the hall.
"It should only take half an hour."
Five nodded, and tried not to roll his eyes. He was sure he knew everything on the test, but whatever. Mr. Manning closed the door and sat back down in his chair.
"So, tell me a little bit about your son." Mr. Manning asked.
"We adopted him 5 years ago, hence the name." Klaus began. Diego sighed and put his head in his hands. "His mother, that slut, she just left him for dead as a baby, and the poor boy has gone through so much trauma." Klaus sighed dramatically, wiping a fake tear from his eye. Diego jumped in before Klaus could go overboard with the story.
"He's a smart kid. Really stubborn too." Diego said. Mr. Manning nodded.
"What school did he go to before here?"
"Um, he-" Diego scrambled.
"Was homeschooled!" Klaus finished. "He was homeschooled. You know, so we could spend more time with him."
Mr. Manning nodded slowly, and Diego could see that the poor man thought Klaus was crazy. Which he was, but.
"Why did you decide to enroll him in school now?"
"Well, he felt that he was ready, and we wanted him to have the opportunity to make friends." Diego said. That wasn't fully a lie.
"Yes, our poor little Fivey has had trouble making friends in the past." Klaus said. Diego was glad that Five wasn't here to listen to Klaus spill all his secrets.
"Okay, who lives at home with him, just you?" Mr. Manning asked.
"No, his aunts and uncle live with us. Two aunts and one uncle." Diego said. Mr. Manning wrote more stuff down.
"Of course. So it sounds like-"
"I'm done." Five appeared in the dooring, looking rather bored. Mr. Manning looked at him with a blank face, before it morphed into confusion and shock.
"But it's only been 5 minutes!" He exclaimed. Five rolled his eyes.
"Yea, it was sooooo hard." he droned.
"Fivey's also a sarcastic little shi-" Diego elbowed Klaus in the ribs. "Ray of sunshine!"
"Alright, how about you all wait in the lobby for 10 minutes while I grade this." Mr. Manning said, somewhat shakily. Klaus, Diego and Five walked to the lobby, and took a seat in the chairs.
"How was it?" Diego asked.
"Easy." Five huffed. "What did you guys say to shake the principal up so much?"
"Oh nothing important!" Klaus said, giving Five a wide smile. After a few minutes, Mr. Manning walked out.
"Amazingly, you got a perfect score on the test young man!" Mr. Manning said.
"Our little genius!" Klaus crooned, and Five just glared at him.
"We could move you to grade 10 with these scores, however, we don't think that's the best option. It can be rather stressful and difficult to make friends with people in older grades. You might struggle to fit in. We can put you in grade 9 though!" Mr. Manning said.
"Sounds good." Diego stood up to shake his hand.
"We'll see you next week!" Mr. Manning called as they left the school."
"I can't help but feel like I've made a huge mistake." Five groaned. "Where's Klaus?"
Diego looked around.
"He was right behind us?!" Diego said, clearly exasperated. Klaus suddenly ran out of the school, trying to catch up to them.
"Wait for me!" He called. When he caught up, he bent over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.
"What were you doing?" Five asked.
"Diego! I signed us up for the PTA!" Klaus said.
"The what?!" Diego groaned, while Five snickered behind him.
"The parent-teacher association! Susan is the president, and she's kind of a bitch, but Carol says that the rest of the moms just ignore her. And Helen makes a mean cookie!" He said, pulling a ziplock bag of cookies out.
"They said they're very excited to have two dads joining them!" Klaus grinned, and Diego groaned loudly.
"Klaus, I don't want to be part of some stupid parent-teacher association!" Diego argued.
"Oh, you'll love it! They meet weekly, and from what I've heard, there's lots of tea, and not just the kind you drink."
Diego just shook his head and kept walking while Five laughed and ate some of the cookies with Klaus.
Weekly "tea" time became Diego's favourite part of the week.