To: Tris Eaton
From: Caleb Prior
Subject: Civil engineering
October 21
Tris,
Did you see I called you Tris and not Beatrice or Bea? I'm trying, I swear, but I make no promises for when I see you in person. You've been Baby Bea since you were born, and change is hard!
School is going well. Civil engineering is just as challenging and exciting as biochemistry was. Maybe I'll keep going to school for different things so I can learn everything - next time I could major in physics, or psychology or something. I'm just kidding. I'm actually looking forward to when I can go to work in the real world. Civil engineering is less theoretical, and I suspect I won't really know all about it until I "get my hands dirty" for a few years.
I've been overhauling the inventory management system at the food bank. Thank Tobias for the modern computer equipment! This would be nearly impossible with the outmoded technology Mom used to work with. As you requested, I've also been spending some time with the people and hearing their stories. Some of the volunteers have had very interesting lives. Old Mr. Jones got talking the other day, and at first I thought "oh no, this is going to go on all day," but it turned out that he was really interesting. He worked on a WPA project during the Great Depression and knows a lot about dams. His story actually gave me an idea for my final project in one of my classes.
Anyway, that's about it from here. Jeanine's trial is starting soon, and I'm dreading it. My therapist, Richard, has been making me talk about it every week to prepare myself. I've told my friend Myra a few things, too. Not everything, of course, but she knows that Jeanine is my aunt, and that I worked with her when I was a biochem major at EU until we had a falling out. It's weird to admit this, but it felt kind of freeing to share that with her. Myra is a good friend.
That's enough from me. I hope you write soon.
Caleb
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Tris smiled as she read her brother's email. Every week he sent a quick update, and every week he seemed to get a little warmer, lighter, more vulnerable and comfortable with talking to his sister. Tris always shared Caleb's messages with Tobias before she replied. Word by word, they were rebuilding their family relationship.
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To: Caleb Prior
From: Tris Eaton
Subject: Myra?
October 23
Caleb,
So this Myra "friend" - is she cute? Single? I need more details…
Tobias and I are doing well. We spent last weekend in Amsterdam and finally got to see the Van Gogh Museum. Their collection was incredible; I'm finding myself falling more and more in love with his work, and it's harder and harder to believe that we actually own an original. We also saw some Dutch windmills, the infamous red light district, and the Anne Frank House, along with the usual touristy things. We had pizza there - we have pizza everywhere we go. It was funny, they had salami on the menu. We tried it. It was like pepperoni, but different. It's hard to describe. I still contend that there's no pizza like Chicago pizza, but Tobias continues to hold on to his preference for the crusty, thin pizza of Napoli.
Some acquaintances from the shipping tycoons group are coming to visit this weekend. The Smythes and Jessups are considerably older than we are, but they're in shipping like Tobias, and we've met them at meetings a few times. Mrs. Smythe is a huge art aficionado, so she wants to see the exhibit in Tirana. We agreed to host them at the museum and dinner on Friday evening, then show them around the city a bit on Saturday.
The kids in the center are doing well. Tobias and I bought new backpacks, shoes, and school supplies for every school-age kid in the center. It was so much fun picking things out for them, and Rebekah, Drita, and I tried to make them each unique and individual.
I couldn't let my sweet preschoolers feel left out, so the little kids and babies all got new shoes, too, and we got new craft supplies for our room.
That's the news from Albania!
Love, Tris
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That's how she always ended her emails, and it made Caleb smile. He often showed the letters to his parents, and they too were happy to see their daughter's lighthearted and loving interaction with her brother. After everything the siblings had gone through, it was a tremendous relief.
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To: Tobias M. Eaton IV
From: Caleb Prior
Subject: Gift for Tris
October 24
Tobias,
After receiving an email from Tris yesterday, I had an idea. I would like to send my sister a little slice of home, literally, and have an authentic Chicago pizza shipped overnight. What do you think?
Caleb Prior
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Caleb had never written directly to Tobias before. Try as he might, Tobias couldn't bring himself to warm up to his brother-in-law. The memory of knocking him off Tris as he stabbed her was as sharp and painful as the knife with which he'd attacked them.
Caleb understood; he struggled to forgive himself, too. Though both men knew the blame was really Jeanine's, neither of them could forget that Caleb had been the one wielding the knife.
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To: Caleb Prior
From: Tobias M. Eaton IV
Subject: re: Gift for Tris
October 24
Caleb,
Your sister would love that. The things she misses about America are her family, her friends, and that fat, sloppy Chicago pizza. Let me know when it is arriving, and I will have Roza plan accordingly.
Tobias M. Eaton IV
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To: Tobias M. Eaton IV
From: Caleb Prior
Subject: re: Gift for Tris
October 25
Tobias,
Overnight international shipping is insane, but it's worth it if it makes Tris happy. I know that nothing I can ever do will make up for what happened or the many things that the two of you have done for me and for our parents. I'm told that you paid for my medical expenses and the researchers who figured out what Jeanine did to me. I tried to kill your wife and you spared my life and paid for my healing. That, more than anything, is humbling to me - humiliating, heartbreaking, crushing and rebuilding all at once. I owe you so much.
When I get Tris' emails I can read how happy she is in every word. She really loves you, your household staff, and the life you have there. Thank you for protecting her and making her so happy.
Caleb
P.S. I almost forgot - the pizza will arrive by 10am on the 27th. They're frozen, so you can heat them up whenever, just make sure they're refrigerated or frozen after delivery.
.
Tobias stared at Caleb's email for a long time. Something in his words reminded Tobias of his own first meeting with Tris. He'd planned to kill someone - himself. Tris had given him what he didn't deserve. She'd saved his life and restored him. He knew that feeling - humbled, crushed, rebuilt, and wanting nothing more than to pour everything he had into making Tris happy. Tobias' heart softened slightly.
.
To: Caleb Prior
From: Tris Eaton
Subject: Thank you!
October 27
Caleb,
OMG! Thank you so much for sending Malnati's! I had no idea one could ship pizzas! We had the most slow and boring weekend, and coming home to the surprise of real Chicago pizza was absolutely amazing!
Some of the "shipping tycoons" were in town to see the art show, have dinner, and go sightseeing. The two couples, the Smythes and Jessups, are American snobs. They're nearly old enough to be our grandparents, and the men are in shipping. The women don't work and never have. Mrs. Jessup loves shopping and goes on and on about it. Mrs. Smythe loves art, so she was the driving force behind their visit to Tirana, but she's also very overweight and rather unhealthy, so she spent most of their visit complaining about things like walking on cobblestones and having to take three stairs. I don't mean to say that they're bad people - they are all nice and want to get along and help others, but they're old money, so they're a bit out of touch with reality. And they're old, so the entire Friday night and Saturday excursion was an exercise in patience. By the time we got home late this afternoon, I needed to do something active, or I was going to lose my mind!
After a run on the beach and a shower, I came downstairs to find real, honest-to-goodness Lou Malnati's pizza waiting for me. I nearly cried!
Pray for me tomorrow - the dear oldies are coming out to see the estate and have lunch before they fly off. I'm sure I'll be grateful for the leftover pizza when they're gone!
That's the news from Albania!
Love, Tris
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To: Tris Eaton
From: Caleb Prior
Subject: Trial
November 4
Tris,
Jeanine's trial starts today, and I feel physically sick. The things I was a part of (the parts I remember) haunt my nightmares. Richard and I have been talking about it in therapy, of course. He wants me to see the trial as an opportunity. He tells me that I am Jeanine's victim as well, and that I should be relieved to see her held accountable for everything she did. But the guilt is just so heavy. I can't sort through my feelings or rationalize everything. I'm just not good at emotions.
Mom is wonderful as always, but I can tell that she feels the burden of my sins and Dad's grief. I know there is a right way to feel, but I can't force my feelings to conform. Everyone says not to feel guilty, but I can't stop.
I'm sorry to throw this at you. Maybe it's easier to talk to you since I can edit before I hit send, or because I don't have to see your reaction. Either way, thank you for listening.
Caleb
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Tris took a minute to gather her thoughts and dry her tears before replying to her brother.
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To: Caleb Prior
From: Tris Eaton
Subject: re: Trial
November 4
Caleb,
You never have been good with emotions, so I am going to attempt to speak to you in your own language.
You are a human being, so having feelings is as normal and necessary as having a spleen, or kidneys or something.
You have been through a difficult experience. Processing difficult experiences is challenging and non-linear. One day you may feel grief, and the next day you feel capable and normal. There is no right way to feel - you feel how you feel, and it's perfectly normal for that to ebb and flow, to shift in waves by the day, or even by the minute.
Negative emotions are triggered by certain stimuli, or reminders. Jeanine's trial is a big reminder, so feeling guilty, angry, or sad is to be expected.
I don't know why guilt is such a go-to response for humans, but it is. We feel guilty when we do wrong. We feel guilty when we survive or thrive and others don't. We feel guilty for things that have absolutely nothing to do with us. Maybe it's nature's way of promoting self-improvement so the species can keep evolving. Maybe it's God's way of humbling us and reminding us that we need Him.
Mom is not "burdened by your sins." She didn't like all of your choices, but she loves you and has always been your biggest fan and advocate. If anything, she's burdened by how much Jeanine hurt all of us.
My biggest feeling today has been anger. I'm angry that Jeanine hurt people. I'm angry that she hurt you. If they have enough proof, and I'm almost certain they do, I hope they lock her up for a very long time. And I hope that she comes to understand what she did to people. I hope the guilt overwhelms her until she can feel that family's pain and our family's pain.
Is it right to be this angry? Probably not. But like you, I went through some things. As long as I don't sit in my anger and become bitter, or hurt others in my anger, I'm okay. It will pass. That's how it works. You accept your feelings, but don't let them take over your life.
My advice to you is that you talk to someone you trust. Call Myra, or schedule an extra session with Richard. Accept your feelings, but talk to someone so you don't drown yourself with your feelings. Okay?
Love you,
Tris
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To: Tris Eaton
From: Caleb Prior
Subject: re: Trial
November 4
Tris,
I've typed and deleted this three times now. I called Myra. I read your email, I thought about it, and I called her. Then I just came apart and told her everything. I swear, I have no filter around her. I'm like Christina or something, just babbling about whatever comes into my head. And I just unloaded. Do you know what she did? She listened. She asked a few questions and said some of the same things you said. I thought she was going to hang up on me. I thought she was not going to be my friend anymore. I was wrong. I don't think I've ever been happy to say that before, but I was wrong. She's actually coming over to the house tonight to hang out with me. We're going to eat with Mom and Dad, then watch a movie or play trivia together. She said I need to relax and think about something other than the trial.
I've never had a friend like this before. She's so smart, and motivated, and we like the same things. When our hands brushed the other day as I passed her my notes, it knocked the wind out of me. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and my cheeks turned pink like yours do! She doesn't expect me to be perfect, and her sense of humor is so intelligent and witty. I laugh with her. It's new, and I can't get enough. I sound so dumb, but that's how it is. Is that how you felt when you met Christina, Uriah, and Lynn? I feel like I found where I belong.
I'm going to send this before I change my mind.
Caleb
.
When Tris read Caleb's email on Tuesday morning, she laughed until tears ran down her cheeks. Her nerdy, unsocial brother had a crush, and he was as lost and confused as Tris would be in a rocket science lab. She read the email to Tobias at breakfast, and though he didn't find it as hilarious as Tris did, he loved seeing the way it made her laugh.
Caleb did say he'd do anything to make Tris happy, Tobias thought to himself. Though I doubt that's what he was thinking when he sent that particular message.
"Have you replied?" he asked his wife.
Tris wiped her tears with a cloth napkin. "No," she said, then broke down giggling again.
Tobias smiled and sipped his strong coffee. Amar and Rebekah walked in, and Tris confused them both by trying to tell them about Caleb while she intermittently broke down in uncontrollable laughter. Rebekah didn't understand what was funny, but she got the giggles watching Tris try to get herself together.
Soon Roza walked in, drawn by the laughter. She and Amar were completely confused, but like Tobias they couldn't wipe the smiles off their faces as they watched Tris.
Tobias tried to explain. "Vëllai i saj është një intelektual. Ai lufton me emocionet e tij dhe ka ndjenja për një vajzë. Ai e ka pyetur Tris për këshilla, dhe ajo e gjen atë të ngathët dhe të qeshur."
(Her brother is an intellectual. He struggles with his emotions and has feelings for a girl. He asked Tris for advice, and she finds him awkward and hilarious.)
"He… He doesn't even know he likes her!" Tris choked out around her laughter. "I hope to God he doesn't ask me for advice about... physical… attraction, too!"
"A është ai vëllai që u përpoq ta vriste?" (Is he the brother who tried to kill her?) Roza asked in shock.
"Po. Ajo ka vetëm një vëlla. Caleb po bën shumë më mirë tani. Ata kanë dërguar email dhe po bëhen përsëri miq,"
(Yes. She has only one brother. Caleb is doing much better now. They have sent emails and are becoming friends again,) Tobias replied.
Roza gave the men a skeptical look.
"E di se situata duket e çuditshme. Nuk e di nëse më pëlqen. Por ai është vëllai i saj. Ai ishte i droguar. Ai tani është më mirë, dhe ata duan të jenë përsëri vëlla dhe motër,"
(I know the situation seems strange. I don't know if I like it either. But he is her brother. He was drugged. He is better now, and they want to be brother and sister again,) Tobias elaborated.
Roza shrugged. She didn't understand it and didn't like it. The man tried to kill her friend, her employer, her boy's wife. But Tris' brother was on the other side of the world, and as long as he stayed there, Roza would keep her mouth shut and remember her place in the household.
Tris eventually got her giggles under control enough to finish breakfast. After Tobias and Amar went to Tirana for the workday, Tris went back to the master suite to reply to Caleb.
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To: Caleb Prior
From: Tris Eaton
Subject: Myra
November 5
Caleb,
Dear, sweet, clueless Caleb. No. That's not how I felt when I met Christina and Lynn. Lynn likes girls, but I don't, and she doesn't like me like that anyway. Uriah… well, he's more like a puppy or a giant toddler. I love my friends, but I didn't feel that kind of intensity or sense of belonging with them, and they certainly didn't take my breath away.
I did feel that when I met Tobias, and I would venture to guess that your feelings for Myra are a mixture of friendship and a condition known as a "crush." Symptoms may include physical attraction, eagerness to see her, a sense of connection, desire, anxiety, hope, and fear. Treatment options include going for it and asking her on a date, which may result in a lifetime of happiness (or embarrassment for a few moments followed by an awkward attempt to return to being friends), or doing nothing, which may result in a lifetime of regret and heartbreak as you watch her go out with other men.
Now tell me more about my future sister-in-law. Is she cute? What is her major? Did she get along well with Mom and Dad?
Tris
.
Email by email, Tris and Caleb rebuilt their relationship while Tris walked Caleb through his healing and his feelings for his friend. It took weeks, but Caleb finally admitted that he did in fact have a crush on his classmate and friend.
Myra was an electrical engineering major, and they had one class together. She had grown up poor, the only child of a single father who barely made ends meet while he struggled with serious health issues. After high school Myra spent three years caring for him and working to keep them housed and fed. When her father passed away, she applied for college. Thanks to grants, loans, work study programs, and a job, she was able to go to school. Her dream was to make medical devices that saved lives.
Natalie and Andrew seemed to like her. Tris and her mom had giggled together over the phone about Caleb's awkward crush. Natalie assured her daughter that Myra seemed to reciprocate her son's affection. "I just want to say, 'You like each other. Go out already!' when they're here," Natalie said during their call. "But they have to sort it out in their own time."
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To Caleb Prior
From Tris Eaton
Subject: Thanksgiving
November 23
Caleb,
Just a few days from Thanksgiving, and I have to say that it's strange living in a country where it isn't even a thing, and no one talks about it. Up in Tirana the leaves are turning and it's beautiful, just like autumn in Chicago. Here along the coast the weather is so temperate, but one can feel the difference between summer and fall. It rains a lot now, and it's cooler. Most days are about 60-70 degrees Ferenheit. I'm getting used to thinking of the temperature in Celsius. Other metric conversions, like speed in kilometers per hour, are harder, but the temperature is what it is, and the climate here is not like Chicago, so thinking of it as 18 degrees isn't so weird.
Speaking of kph/mph, I'm driving more and more now. I've been running into the village by myself or with Rebekah for a while, but this week I took my first solo trip to the agency! Well, Rebekah was with me, but I did the driving without Jorik, Amar, or Tobias sitting beside me.
Tobias and I are hosting a big dinner at the agency on Thursday. He wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving for my sake. I thought we would have dinner here at the estate with our friends and the staff, but instead he chose to host a big feast for the agency families. He hired caterers to prepare a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, potatoes, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and cranberries. On Thursday the kids will learn about the United States and the tradition of Thanksgiving dinner, and when the parents get home in the evening, everyone will be fed together on long tables in the big gymnasium. What are you, Mom, and Dad doing? Will you serve at a fire station? Which one? Is Myra joining you?
The 28th is Albanian Independence and Flag Day, so that's a big deal here. We are going to Tirana for a few days. We will attend a ceremony that morning with Tobias' cousin and his wife and a bunch of government officials, then there are concerts and events in the evening. The national colors are red and black, so I did some shopping to prepare. You know red has never been my favorite color to wear, but I found a few things. I'll spare you the details of my shopping and clothes.
That's the news from Albania!
Love, Tris