Mereana's eyelids fluttered a little before opening up once more, staring at her tent ceiling.
Her mind felt hazed and confused, though she had no idea why. It took her a few seconds before memories of the past minutes clicked together in her mind.
She immediately took a hand to her neck, feeling the bite wound - her stomach tightened uncomfortably as she drew back her fingers, still stained with warm blood. Mystra has pity on me. I can't believe I just let that happen. I am such a moron.
She stared at her fingers absent-mindedly, trying to decipher her own feelings. What was she feeling exactly ? Resentment, quite obviously. Confusion, certainly. A sense of complete and total incredulity regarding the fact that she was bled to death because she agreed to some vampire feeding on her. She could hear something besides her - someone, she corrected, fumbling about in the place and talking to himself.
" - That's not good. Not good at all, they're gonna kill me - oh, dear. You woke up. You're not dead. Guess those health potions did work after all. What a relief ! "
Astarion came back into view once more, kneeling besides her. He looked...different. More alive, if that word had any meaning for a vampire. Something had lightened up inside him, and he was buzzing with energy. That he looked so happy while she was sitting there shaking with the shock of near-death experience was somehow obscene and barely bearable.
He grabbed her right hand in his own, as if caring for a sick family member, and went on talking, both looking deeply sorry and also over-excited :
" - Listen, Mereana, I can explain. I truly apologize. This was - I don't know what came over me. I had no intention to hurt you, I swear. But it was just so amazing, I never could forget what you did - but still, really, really sorry about this minor inconvenience. But you're back on your feet now, am I right ? So you'll forgive me."
" - Minor inconvenience ? You said I could trust you, and you didn't stop" , she accused coldly, trying to get her hand away from him. He let her go easily. He was visibly having trouble to focus on her, as he seemed eager to just talk about how great he was feeling. His complete lack of empathy was something to be expected from a rogue vampire, she supposed, but it still vexed her deeply. At least he was trying to pretend to care, which seemed to cost him deeply.
" - Yes, yes, I know. I was there. Once again, my deepest apologies. I did not think it would play out like that. But it worked ! I would never forget that. Never forget what you did. I swear I'll make it up to you, you'll see. I'm stronger already ! I feel...free !" He grabbed her shoulders once more in a gesture of excitement, trying to share his euphoria, which only resulted in Mereana tensing and slowly crawling away. " - I can do whatever I want. I do not have to obey the master anymore. This is freedom, Mereana, at long least !"
It felt as if he wouldn't stop congratulating himself if she didn't intervene, and he was failing to notice how distressed and horrified she was. Also, she did not have a clue what he was raving on about.
" - I could have died ! " she stammered loudly, and in reaction Astarion raised his hands as if asking her to lower her voice. He glanced nervously to the exit of the tent, checking to see if anybody has heard her.
" - Well...that's what spells and potions are for, right ? I mean, all this looting had to be useful anyway. And you didn't die ! Look at you !" He suddenly reached out to pat her cheek. " - The living picture of health !" he added in an over-the-top, merry tone.
" - That's it. I've had enough of you, you freak ! And stop putting your hands over me !" she used her elbows to stand halfway up, but found she could not quite rise to her feet yet, and even less cast a spell. Anger washed over her as she glared at Astarion. She saw him flinched when she called him a freak, and felt a tad satisfied to see how he disliked the word.
" - Well, here I see we are back to a far less amiable level of discussion. Let us say you are a bit tired by this unfortunate event and need to rest a little before we talk again, right ? How does that sound ?" he reversed to his snobbish, stand-offish attitude, which only fueled Mereana's anger further.
" - No !" she screeched, and remembered that every one else was still sleeping because Astarion had taken advantage of his duty guard to try to feed on her. She did feel like throwing the vampire off to her friends and accusing him of trying to kill her, but the truth was that she kind of let him do it and there was no way she'd be able to explain that. Because she cared too much about her own image and didn't want anyone to find out just how stupid she was. Because she didn't want to feel alone and brushed aside. She lowered her tone as they both stayed awkwardly quiet for a few seconds, waiting to see if anyone had woken up. Fortunately, it wasn't the case.
" - No", she pursued, keeping her voice down. " - Have you got any idea what you did to me ? How it felt like ? It…"
She didn't have the luxury to continue though, as Astarion suddenly lashed out, in the same hushed tone, but barely containing his own emotions :
" - Of course I know what it feels like ! Do you think I asked to become a vampire ? Do you think that's what I wanted ? I know perfectly well what it feels to be drained, and then used, and then - " he stopped suddenly, unable to go farther, and grabbed his collarshirt to reveal a scar on his neck. The sudden gesture and flash of sincerity disarmed Mereana once more, as she found herself only able to stare at the grey ugly wound in the elf's flesh.
" - It happened to me two hundred years ago, and that damn scar is still here, and let me tell you that it could be way, way worse. You're alive, and you'll be alright, and you should be thankful for that. I mean, I could just have left you and killed everyone else. You'll be fine. " He seemed annoyed as he fumbled to close his collar back.
She searched for something to say back, but the truth was that she was out of retort. She still felt very angry, and spiteful, and ashamed, but she was too disoriented to think straight. She didn't want to fight Astarion or risk losing him, as he was too useful a companion. But she didn't want him to be around her either and kind of wished she could hurt him somehow, if just to make the feeling of humiliation she felt go away. Right now she did hear his confession and veiled hints at his past, but she could not find it in her heart to care or mutter compassion.
" - So what, you have a tragic backstory, you say "sorry", and I should just forgive you and forget what you did ? Your sob story doesn't make it up to me. "
Astarion uttered an annoyed groan and replied dryly :. " - Are we done here ?"
The nerve of this guy ! As if I was the crazy one here ! Well, maybe she was, maybe she was wrong, but she was in no set of mind to acknowledge that.
" - No. I need you to tell me you'll tell everyone tomorrow morning about your nature. And that whatever happened tonight will stay in-between us. You know that if anyone heard about how uncontrollable your blood lust was to you, they'll kill you. And I don't want - I just don't want them to know."
Astarion brushed a hand in his white hair. He looked really better and more regal than before. Because he damn well drunk me to death. The thought kept creeping her out.
" - Agreed", he finally said. He tapped his feet on the floor. " - Now, if you please, I'd love to have some time alone...you were truly invigorating, really, but there's just so much I have to think about and I feel like a little stroll in the night would do me good."
" - That's not all."
" - Oh, come on, what now ? I'm not here to stand order."
" - No, but you said you were going to make it up to me. I just want you to know that I'll have your back, but from now you feed on our enemies and you never touch me again. And you better be making it up to me. Because I won't forget what happened." She deeply meant every word of it, and her barely restrained anger seemed to make Astarion think carefully.
" - Fine ! Fine. If it makes you feel better. Now, are we done ?"
She didn't reply, and Astarion seemed to take her silence as an answer and fled out of the tent. He barely stopped a few seconds, as if in afterthought, to say : " - This is a gift, you know. I won't forget it."
She laid back on the bedroll, her head still spinning a little, and waited a while to be sure that no one would hear her. Then, she curled up in her bed and silently started to cry herself to sleep, feeling the tears dwell up uncontrollably in her eyes. She felt so alone, and weak, and unimportant, and she was way-in over-her-head alongside vampire, mind flayers and githyanki and gods knew what else was coming along. An adventure was supposed to be fun, and lightful, and of course she always thought she was going to be the main character and that everybody would like her. Well now she was in an adventure of her own, and it was not fun. She'd been captured, tortured by mind flayers, condemned to bear of their worms, her very flesh and mind threatened to turn her into something else any moment, no one really liked her anyway and she was making bad decisions over bad decisions. The sense that this was not going to stop, that there was no running away from her problems this time doomed on her heavily. She could die. Like, for real. Oh, yes, probably after death her soul would go to her deity's kingdom, but she didn't feel like finding that out just yet.
It felt awful. Maybe that was why everyone else in the camp was in such a bad mood all the time. Maybe that explained why Shadowheart kept on arguing with her. Because this was not a game, the odds were real. Thinking about how close she was to die so stupidly tonight only unnerved her more, but at least this confrontation made her face the truth : if she wished to survive this, she was going to need to seriously toughen up. Sure, she was no hero, like Wyll. She didn't have the knowledge and charm of Gale. She wasn't mighty and fiercely willed like Lae'zel. She lacked common sense and pragmatism, contrary to Shadowheart. And she didn't have the centuries of killing experience of Astarion. But certainly and though she was new to all of this, she could probably find something she was good at. Or become good at, if she truly had no natural qualities of her own.
She didn't get much sleep that night, and the first rays of sun woke her up. She left her tent to greet Lae'zel, who was on duty guard. The warrior nodded back at her as she scampered along to the river to wash herself. She didn't seem to notice her awful face, too busy with sharpening her sword. Mereana gladily undressed and proceeded to wash herself. The coldness of the water felt awful, but at least it made her come back to her senses. She stayed a few more minutes, enjoying her loneliness, as she composed herself to face the day. She'd have to bear Astarion's presence and he still grossed her out, but she could muster the strength to pretend that she was going all right. Dressing back into her clothes and adventuring gear, she brushed her neck with her fingers, expecting to feel a scar under her fingertips. Fortunately, the health potions Astarion had made her drink healed the wound and there was no trace of it. She felt a pang of relief. Upon seeing Astarion's scar, she had feared that she would have to bear one as well. That would definitely had earned her a new tattoo to hide it back in Baldur's Gate. Fortunately, this wasn't going to be the case. Though she could still go for a new tattoo anyway.
She went back to camp to light the fire and prepared some breakfast. As everyone around started waking up, her companions took place around the fire to eat and went on bantering. Wyll sat next to Lae'zel and started asking her questions about her martial training, which was odd, because Mereana had seen the Blade of Frontier fight and let's just say that he wasn't that great of a swordsman after all. The way he looked at the warrior though made his intent quite clear. Well, he certainly isn't losing any time. Gale was busy reading the documents they brought him yesterday, and humming to himself along the way. He cast a quick smile in her direction above the document, gulping down a piece of bread, before returning to his study. Shadowheart was praying in her corner, to whatever god she worshipped. The cleric had not been really forthcoming on her religion, though it wasn't as if anyone truly cared in the camp. No one striked her as really religious. Mereana herself worshipped Sune and of course Mystra, which was kind of an unavoidable essentiel in a wizard's life. Gale probably did the same. Lae'zel had been quite clear on her zeal to serve Vlaakith and Tiamat. That left Astarion, who never spoke a word about gods, and he didn't seem like the sort of elf who would worship Correlon and the spirits of the forest. And Wyll, but Mereana had the feeling he kind of worshipped his own reputation and fame over everything else.
Astarion strolled out of his tent, pretending to just wake up, and hesitantly walked to her side. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself, and with great effort, Mereana stopped what she was doing to listen to whatever he had to say.
" - Good morning", was what he had to say, and he waved at everyone around the fire with a pleasant but slightly condescending-signature smile.
" - That's what you've got to say ?" muttered Mereana under her breath.
With a twitchy smile, he forced himself to go on : " - And how do you feel today, my friend ? You seem...better."
She decided to not resume their dispute, though her discontent was still hanging in the air. " - Just a little bit woozy. Hopefully it won't leave a mark."
"- Glad to hear it." He seemed to relax a little. " - You should be glad I'm not a true vampire then, but merely a spawn."
The elf went on discussing his condition openly, revealing more about his past and his vampire master, Cazador. He seemed actually glad to reveal his true nature and his difficulties. Their chattering caught the attention of their other companions one by one. When he was done with exposing how the tadpole might have changed him and freed him from his constraints, all of the camp was closing in to him, looking visibly concerned.
" - So you're a vampire", said Shadowheart calmly. Strangely enough, no one freaked out and they all looked very calm considering the big reveal. " - That would explain the pallor."
" - I'm just glad you're being sensible to all these revelations", said Astarion carefully. " - I was worried you might turn up with pitchforks and torches. Although there's still time." He eyed the rest of the party carefully, waiting for them to decide what to do with him.
Their reactions were...pragmatic and very open-minded.
Shadowheart shrugged. " - I don't see the problem. We're all monsters in the making after all."
Her statement was true in a way, since they were all going to transform into mind flayers, and Mereana nodded, showing off her approval. Considering that two of them already had easily accepted the rogue's nature, the rest of the party didn't have much protest.
" - Hunting with a vampire. Never thought I'd see the day." Wyll leant in towards Astarion, and added purposefully : " - Very well - but I'm keeping an eye on you. And no wisecracks about having us for supper."
" - I think we can all agree on that", intervened Gale. " Oh, by the way, a word of warning : I taste absolutely awful."
There were a lot of threats about what would happen to Astarion if he tried to nibble any one in the camp, but also Wyll started calling him " " which everyone hated, and soon everybody stopped talking about it and went on preparing for the day.
Mereana herself did not push the subject farther and they joined Wyll over to make their plan for the day.
Personnal note : so as you know there's no implemented scene if you die during the feeding scene. So I'm totally making the dialog up and hope it stays in-character enough. I thought that the scene in the game was daring and really fun, I'm very curious to know what's the dialog you're supposed to get there. Apparently there's an awful lot of players who just die there, we're all a bit too trustworthy I guess :p
Oh, and if you read this and enjoy the story, - I know this isn't great litterature ^^ but don't hesitate to leave a review, it's always welcome and inspiring.