Chapter 20

The month that immediately followed that meeting was torturous for Severus, both personally and professionally. Once he'd received Longbottom's permission to experiment with the use of the targeted Forgetfulness potion upon his parents, time became something that was constantly in short supply.

Since St Mungo's were unwilling to administer a potion that had not yet received official Ministry approval, it had been left to Severus to journey to the hospital twice daily to dose Alice and Frank Longbottom – first thing in the morning with their breakfast and again in the evening with their supper. Severus suspected that St Mungo's had abandoned all hope of curing the tortured minds of the former Aurors; and since they presented no 'trouble', were simply ministering to their physical needs as they wasted away in the far corner of the Janus Thickey ward.

It really was a sorry state of affairs, and even though at times it had been difficult to drag his weary carcass to St Mungo's, especially after a long day in the Potions classroom, all self-pitying thoughts were washed from his mind as he entered the hospital ward, his eyes taking in the ghost-like existence of Frank and Alice Longbottom.

Their torturers; Bartemius Crouch Junior, along with Rabastan and Roldophus Lestrange, were all permanently incarcerated in maximum security cells in Azkaban. The fourth, Bellatrix Lestrange, had of course been taken down with great ferocity and passion by one Molly Weasley during the battle of Hogwarts. Severus wished he could shake the hand of the red-headed matriarch, his fellow Order member, for ridding the magical world of such a heinous, dark witch.

Severus had spared no time for Miss Granger, for he'd had none, during the period that he had been administering his experimental potion to the Longbottoms, although his desire for the young witch had not lessened.

He had penned a long letter to her, the night that Longbottom and Abbott had left his office after two hours of discussion regarding the proposed experimentation on the boy's parents.

It was taking the coward's way out, certainly, but Severus doubted that he would be able to explain to the girl, face-to-face, that it was likely to be several weeks before he would have time to see her again, outside of lessons, due to the hours he would need to put in at St Mungo's, meticulously recording every single observation unassisted by the Healing staff.

There had been nights where he had awoken to the grey light of early dawn, still seated in the high-backed armchair next to Alice Longbottom's bed; quill and notebook in still in hand, and a hospital-issue blanket tucked around him, placed there no doubt by Healer Strout or one of her team. By that time there would be no point in returning to his Hogwarts chambers to sleep, so he would cast diagnostics upon the sleeping pair with his wand; and return to the chair for another doze before waking fully and administering the morning dose of the Forgetfulness potion with their breakfast.

After that, he would throw himself through the St Mungo's Floo to his own chambers, taking a cursory shower before changing into clean, but identical, black clothing, not at all rested and facing a full day of teaching ahead with a weary heart.

Still, it was nothing compared to the days and nights of the last few years, where he had served both Riddle and Dumbledore, enduring the darkness of the Death Eaters by night and the rigours of his Hogwarts responsibilities by day. No wonder everyone said he always looked so miserable – he had been permanently fucking exhausted, quite apart from the mental and physical torture, both of which had left him with permanent scars.

At least Minerva knew what he was up to, this time around, and had exempted him from meals in Great Hall until the trial was complete, and ensured that his food was delivered at breakfast, lunch and dinner times. Not that he had much of an appetite. It all tasted the same to him.

More than once, Severus would sit at his small dining table, which had remained surprisingly clear of detritus since his dinner with Miss Granger, and wish for a curly-haired, far too-young witch to be sitting opposite him, encouraging him to find the flavours in his food, or enticing him to delicately lick melted chocolate from her perfects tits.

On those days, the lowest days when he found himself missing her, like a mooning idiot, he would engage in a judicious wank to quell the desperation, for however pleasant the girl was, it was surely only sexual frustration that was causing him pain, and the orgasmic relief would always fulfil him.

Well, almost.

Severus wasn't quite sure what the small discomfort that remained, was, and pushed to the back of his mind the notion that it could possibly be quietened were he only to be wrapped in Hermione Granger's arms, feeling her warm breath against the sensitive skin of his neck and her fingertips tracing small circles on his aching back.

As it was, it pained him to teach her, to have her so close, but yet so damn far away. He was tortured by her presence in the dungeon classroom where they had shared so much intimacy, by the girl sitting in the very desk where he had stood before her to claim his 'prize' after Slytherin's Quidditch win, and she had gifted him with an outstanding bout of oral pleasure, right there, where she now sat …

It was not uncommon for Severus to spend a large part of the seventh-year Potions lessons unable to move from behind his desk, an inconvenient erection preventing him from stalking about the cauldrons of his students as he would usually do.

Did she know? Did she feel the loss, too?

For the first fortnight, he had wondered, until he was marking essays in the small hours, and happened upon Granger's latest offering, a discussion of restorative draughts that went far beyond the length of parchment that he had specified.

At least some things never change, Severus had thought, with the tiniest of smiles tugging at his lips as he began to read her intelligent, capable words, having to correct very little with his red quill that he used for student marking.

As he reached twenty-four inches, where the essay should have been considered finished, Severus was surprised to see a larger than usual paragraph gap, before more writing began, but it was most certainly not part of the essay. He sat back in his desk chair, his red quill now stoppering the ink well, and began to read.

Sir

The essay ended just up there ^^ in case you didn't realise. I worked hard on it – so I hope I get a good grade! This next bit is just for you.

Thank you for your letter, telling me of your plans to conduct research on Neville's parents. He has been extremely nervous about what you are doing – Professor McGonagall has given him an open pass to visit St Mungo's any evening, but I think he finds it too hard to see them unchanged. I'm taking care of him, and so is Hannah.

But who is taking care of you … Severus?

I see you in lessons, looking so tired, just wanting to lay you down to sleep, wrapped in my arms. I am worried that you are not taking care of yourself, and I wish that you would let me. I know you feel that you don't have enough time for me, with everything you are doing, but really, why do you have to be so noble all the time?

Don't think I haven't noticed you staying behind your desk during lesson time. It's probably a good thing, because … I really want to touch you. Very badly indeed. My body misses you as much as my heart.

All I can say is that you know where I am if you need me.

Hermione xx

Severus had released his cock from his trousers and wanked himself to a quick, ultimately not wholly satisfying orgasm whilst re-reading the words her small hand had written. After casting Evanesco upon the resultant mess and a Tergeo over his right hand, he began to think. His body missed her too, that was clear. But his heart? Did his cold, unnurtured heart need hers?

Not wanting to ponder too deeply on something he did not have the emotional capacity for, Severus detached the bottom portion of her essay, the piece containing her personal missive, and stored it in a tiny drawer beneath the surface of his desk. Taking out his red quill, he scrawled a well-deserved 'O' at the top of her excellent essay, rolled it up, and placed it in the basket of completed homework assignments, reaching unwillingly for the next scroll that required his attention, and sighing. This was unlikely to be as much fun as its predecessor.

-xxx-

Two more exhausting weeks later, it was time.

Severus' repeated diagnostics upon the Longbottoms had indicated that Frank, at least, had achieved a certain level of mental relaxation that suggested his mind could be receptive to Legilimency. The second half of the experiment could finally begin.

On Saturday morning, Severus was already at the hospital, having administered both Frank and Alice with his targeted Forgetfulness potion with their breakfast, as he had been doing for the last month. He had requested that Neville Longbottom be present when he attempted Legilimency, so that he was close by if the worst happened, and one or both of them passed away during the stress of what he was about to perform on their tortured minds.

The boy would also then be there if one of his parents miraculously woke up, although Severus did not say this, for it would not do to give even the slightest bit of false hope.

Severus and Healer Strout looked up as the hospital ward doors swung open, admitting not only the tall, solid frame of Mr Longbottom, but also Miss Granger, and they were clutching hands with each other as they hurried down the centre of the Janus Thickey ward.

Granger? What the hell was she doing here?

As they approached the end of the ward, to the far-away corner where the ghost couple lay, Severus could see that Granger was slightly flushed with embarrassment, especially when his black gaze flicked between her and Longbottom.

"I need someone here with me," the boy explained, quickly. "Hannah is really unwell with the flu, so I asked Hermione. She's the closest friend I have."

Severus continued to look them both over, as if he had never seen either of them before. Healer Strout had an expression of worried consternation on her round face.

"Very well," Severus replied, in a false economy of words that could not possibly clarify how he felt, right at this moment.

If he was going to fail, it seemed it would also be in front of … her.

"Everything is prepared, Neville," Miriam Strout told him. "Professor Snape was just waiting for you to get here. He's going to just try with your father today, as Frank seems to have responded better to the potion."

Longbottom nodded at the Healer in reply, and stepped to the end of his father's bed, clutching the metal rail at the foot. Thankfully, his mother appeared to be deeply asleep, as she always did.

Severus pulled up a chair so that he was seated on eye level with Frank Longbottom.

"Good morning, Frank", he said, in a stern voice that elicited no response from the man, despite him sitting up and being wide awake, fiddling with a short length of knotted twine.

From the corner of his eye, Severus saw Miss Granger draw back and stand alongside the Healer, rather than crowd her friend with her physical presence. It was enough that the boy knew he had support, but his attentions were focused solely on his father.

Severus had to gain eye contact; and knew from his 'interactions' thus far with Frank, that it was nigh-near impossible to engage the man whose mind was so very far away. There was one thing he had tried, a couple of weeks ago, that had been successful.

"Longbottom," he began, looking up at his student. "In order to Legilimise into your father's mind, I need to gain eye contact. Thus far, I have found only one way of doing this. You may find it a little distressing, but I warn you to keep still and absolutely silent, do you understand?"

The young wizard gulped, but nodded, bravely.

"Whatever you need to do, Sir," he replied. "I trust you."

How the tide had turned. Neville Longbottom trusting his tormentor, his most hated teacher, his fucking Boggart, for Merlin's sake. The boy really had no other option, Severus reminded himself.

Nodding curtly, Severus drew his wand alongside his face, ready to cast. Quick as a flash, he darted out his other hand, and wrenched the knotted twine from Frank Longbottom's hand, eliciting a cry of pain from the man, and his eyes followed the path of his lost treasure.

Severus had already draw the twine to his own nose, and when Frank's eyes met it, he cast.

"Legilimens!"

-xxx-

Where the hell was he?

Severus was standing ankle deep in muddy, mulched water, rather like a dirty beach would look like just after the tide went out.

It was dark, although he could see well, thanks to an eerie yellow light that seemed to be penetrating from somewhere high above, casting hideous shadows in the all-pervading darkness.

Everywhere around him was the mulchy ground, surrounded by rocks of all shapes and sizes, covered in wraithlike strands of what appeared to be black seaweed, stuck to the jagged rocks' surfaces as if they were trying to smother the very breath from the stone beneath.

He looked left and right, and then behind him. From every angle the view was the same.

A whimper rang out across the desolate space. It was a noise full of pain, of distress, of sheer exhaustion.

Severus cast his eyes around for the source, and in the distance, he could see the form of a naked man atop a large rock, laying in a foetal position, but seeming to be trying to push himself upwards.

Not wasting a moment, Severus strode out through the cold, squelchy surface towards the man, for this was surely Frank Longbottom, since it was his mind that Severus was inside.

"Frank!" he called out, his commanding voice seeming to get lost in the expanse of black air between them. "Frank Longbottom!"

Severus saw the man lift his head in the direction of his voice.

"Frank!" he shouted, again, wanting to keep the man's attention. "I am coming for you. Do not try to move!"

When he reached the rock, Frank had already pushed himself to a seated, but slumped position.

"Are you Frank Longbottom?"

The man stared, his eyes wide open with both hope and fear.

"Are you one of them?" Frank answered, his voice hoarse and pained.

Severus knew immediately who 'them' referred to.

"I am not. I am Severus Snape, I am a professor at your son's school. I have come to help you, Mr Longbottom."

Frank jerked his head upwards, his blue eyes dull and wasted, and filthy, wet hair sticking to the sides of his face.

"My son? My baby son?"

"Your son is not a baby any more, Frank. He is of age; and is in his final year at Hogwarts."

Longbottom's exhausted face contorted in painful shock, his dry lips falling open and those defeated eyes full of distress, although no tears fell.

"My baby, Neville, a grown man? But how?"

Severus took a step towards the rock, the cold water chilling his ankles, and the brittle cold of the air wracking his chest. How Frank Longbottom was still alive, he had no idea, if this bleak, watery wasteland was where he had been living, trapped in his own tortured mind, for the last seventeen years.

"I will tell you everything, I promise. But first, I must get you out of here. Would you allow me to help you?"

Frank shook his head slowly from side to side, not refusing, but looking around at the shallow, muddy pools of water that surrounded him.

"I have been here for such a long time," he mused. "These waters, they used to be much higher, as high as the tallest rock, over there. Vicious waters, black as the darkest night, filled with daggers and hate and evil. The waves … they were so high … so strong. I could not escape them, could not escape this place. I tried, at first. How I tried! But eventually I just settled for staying alive."

Severus did not reply. He needed to allow the man to talk, or he would not come willingly. The researcher, the academic inside him was also hideously fascinated at this privileged glimpse inside the brain of a Cruciatus victim driven insane by the curse. The knowledge gained here would assist in his experiments. It seemed the brutal and incessant torture that Frank Longbottom had received, had manifested as this, this cruel and bleak sea inside his own mind. During the years that he had been a prisoner here, the scene must have developed into something so truly terrifying that escape would have been impossible.

If he were successful in guiding Longbottom from inside the incarceration of his own mind, Severus resolved never to tell his son the condition in which he had found his father. There were some things that best remain a secret, forever. If the Forgetfulness potion had worked as intended, Frank would remember nothing. But, that was an awfully big if.

"Sometimes the waves would knock me into the water," Frank continued. "It would be so cold, that I thought I would die. I would be thrown against the rocks, until finally I would be able to climb upon one, to rest awhile, before the demons attacked again."

"The demons?"

"The ones that live in the water."

Of course, there were demons in the water. Of course, there were ice cold waves that had swept this man under their frozen mantle and tried to choke the life from him. This was the dreamscape of Frank Longbottom's tortured, insane psyche.

"They're not there anymore," Frank told him, quickly.

"They are not?"

"The waters are not there. The waters began to fall, and the demons were swept away … to wherever the black waters are now. All I see now, are the puddles you stand in."

Frank looked over the side of the rock to where Severus' feet were standing in a gloopy puddle of what appeared to be wet, black sand.

"When did this happen? The waters receding, I mean?"

"Not long ago," Frank answered, trailing off and looking around him again.

The potion.

The targeted Forgetfulness potion that Severus himself had toiled so hard over.

Its aim was to relax those parts of the mind that had been subjected to life-altering trauma; and cause them to forget what had happened. Had it worked? Was the receding of the mental waters in Frank Longbottom's mind due to his ingestion of the potion for the last month? It had to be. He began to feel an excitement that seemed inappropriate at the current time.

"Frank," Severus said, sharply, making the man look at him. "All this desolation that surrounds you, does not exist. You have been trapped inside your own mind, which was dreadfully damaged, for many years now."

"This isn't real?"

"It is not. We can return you to the living world, Frank; and to your son, if you trust me to take you?"

Severus held out his hand to the thin, naked man, who was sitting fully upright now. His blue eyes still betrayed those twin emotions of both fear and hope. Slowly, very slowly, he held out his hand, and Severus took a firm hold of it.

"Wherever you take me, it cannot be worse than the hell of being here," the exhausted man replied.

Severus, feeling the ice-cold clutch of desperation in Frank's grip, cancelled the Legilimency spell, and fell back into the hospital chair with the sheer force of his exit, his head hitting the hard backrest and hearing a gasp that he was certain was from Miss Granger.

He was still holding Frank Longbottom's hand – he must have taken hold of it physically, as he had done mentally, inside his mind.

Breathing hard with sheer exhaustion, he looked up at the man's face.

Frank Longbottom's eyes were closed.