A/N: I can't respond to guest reviews, so: Gosh, spoilers, guys! (Jokingly said!) :P
Chapter IX: Data Rewrite
Here they were: the Chunin Exams, arguably one of the most engaging arcs of the series. After all, it was the arc that further cemented the Team Seven bond and fully introduced the rest of what would later be referred to as the Konoha 11.
Really, though, the beginning of the exams wasn't all that interesting. Or important. At least, that's what Sakura told herself.
"There it is!" Ino grinned triumphantly as she caught sight of the entrance to Room 301. There was already a crowd at the door, and what looked like two kids guarding the entrance. But really, who cared about them? Ino certainly didn't.
"Hyaaaah!"
Izumo and Kotetsu barely had time to register what was happening before they were both flung out of the way. With one well-practiced flying jump kick, the door swung open, and Ino rushed through, leaving the rest of the genin behind.
Team Guy—Neji, Rock Lee, and Tenten—stared dumbly after Ino's slowly disappearing form, unsure of what to make of her. Sakura considered stopping and, well, at least introducing herself, but…
"Ngh! Ino!" Sakura cried out, chasing after her. "We're supposed to go to the third floor! Come back here!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Ino shouted, her voice echoing down the hall. "This IS the third floor! What are you waiting for—come on already!"
"This is the second floor! They just the genjutsu'd the sign! Don't you remember anything?!"
Far behind them both, Sasuke frowned at the implication.
"Oh yeah!" A pause. "Of course I knew that."
(Somehow, Ino managed to backtrack and rush past the entire crowd without even a hint of embarrassment. Sakura felt it acutely for the both of them.)
Team Seven—and Ino—didn't get very far before they were interrupted by the sound of Rock Lee shouting after them. Taking in her surroundings, Sakura realized they were right where they should be… that was a relief, at least. Ino wasn't supposed to be with them, and she had no clue where Shikamaru and Chouji were, but…
Stopping abruptly—and clearly pissed that she was stopping in the first place—Ino folded her arms haughtily as she waited for Rock Lee to catch up to them. "What do you want?"
"My name is Rock Lee," He said, after taking a moment to collect himself. Ino was obviously unimpressed and looked like she was ready to turn around and keep walking. Turning to face Sasuke, he said, "I'm actually here to talk to you, Sasuke Uchiha."
The only person to outwardly react to this statement was Naruto. He couldn't seem to decide if he wanted to scowl at Sasuke or at Rock Lee, so he seemed to be compromising by scowling at the empty space between them.
"I challenge you!" Rock Lee continued. "Everyone is always talking about the Uchiha clan and talking about how great they are. I want to see if it is true. You would be a good test for me."
"A challenge?" Ino repeated. A light seemed to go off in her head. Excitedly, she dashed towards Lee, yanking Sakura by the wrist as she ran. Sakura—unprepared for Ino's abrupt movement—squealed in surprise at (what should have been completely expected) being dragged along like a dog on a leash. "You're challenging me to a fight?"
"I—" Rock Lee stuttered. "I was actually speaking to—Hey!" His tone turned stern. "Let go of Sakura! You can't treat her like that!"
Ino gave him a fierce glare, but Rock Lee walked towards the both of them unperturbed. "Sakura! Will you please be my girlfriend? I vow to protect you with my life! You do not deserve to be abused by someone lacking the delicate feminine beauty someone such as yourself embodies! "
Sakura looked up at him in surprise. Was he serious? Her eyes scanned over Rock Lee's form, quickly sizing him up. Protection from Ino? Sign me up…
"R-really?" Sakura bit her lip, accompanied by what she hoped was a light blush coloring her cheeks. (Next to her, she heard Sasuke groan in disgust.)
"Of course!" Rock Lee was the picture of earnestness—Sakura's very own loyal, dedicated, pure white knight.
"Listen here, buddy," Ino interrupted, "If you want to fight me so badly, then I accept your challenge."
"But-" Rock Lee stammered. Poor boy. He seemed torn between being polite and wanting to ask what the hell was running through Ino's mind. Steeling himself, Rock Lee inclined his head. "I am sorry, but as I said earlier, I am here to test myself against Sasuke Uchiha."
"I don't care. I'm the one in charge here. If you want to fight Sasuke, you have to go through me first!" As she finished, Ino shoved Sakura away from her and took what Sakura assumed was supposed to be some kind of intimidating battle stance.
Scrambling to her feet, Sakura hissed, "Ino—what are you—please don't use Mokuton!"
"I don't need Mokuton to beat this idiot!" Ino said haughtily. "But first, let's make this more interesting."
Four heads turned towards Ino.
"Wha—huh?" Rock Lee faltered.
"If you can beat me, I'll let you go on a date with Sakura."
"What?!" Sakura and Naruto said in unison.
"...And if I win, you have to be my slave for the rest of the Chunin Exams."
Rock Lee looked at Ino. Looked at Sakura. Looked at Ino again.
"You've got to be kidding me," Sasuke said. "Please tell me you're not actually taking her seriously."
"What exactly do you mean by slave?" Rock Lee asked carefully, folding his hands neatly behind his back.
"Whaaat?" Naruto's eyes were bugging out of his head. "Y-you wouldn't go on a date with that weirdo, right, Sakura? Right?" He seemed to calm down when he saw Sakura adamantly shake her head (although maybe it had more to do with the fact that she looked three seconds away from bursting into tears again).
"It means you have to do whatever I tell you to do. What else do you think slave means?"
"Er, yes, well," Rock Lee cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable, "You could ask me to quit the Exams, or surrender during a fight. This is something I cannot do."
"Oh, fine. I wouldn't want you to do that anyway," Ino said. "How about this? If I win, you have to do whatever you can to help my Team pass the Chunin Exams, no matter what."
"No one in their right mind is going to agree to that," Sasuke said. "You'd have to be-"
"I accept your conditions!" Rock Lee bowed.
Sakura was watching the fight with what could only be described as morbid fascination. The duel itself started off eerily similar to Rock Lee's fight with Sasuke—at least, what she recalled from it. Lee was simply too fast for Ino. He dodged all of her blows, and she barely had time to block his. If anything, Sakura guessed he was going easier on her. He hadn't gone easy on Naruto, though. Maybe he had trouble hitting a woman? It'd probably fit his character, I guess, Sakura thought. And unlike Sasuke, Ino provided running commentary during the fight, although said commentary mostly consisted of phrases like "Damn it!" and "Why the hell is he so fast?" and "This is so unfair!"
"Beat him to the ground, Ino!" Naruto was shouting. "Make him sorry he ever asked to fight Sasuke instead of me!"
Of course, Sakura sighed. It figures that Ino would somehow reduce Naruto to being the trash-talking sidekick.
Sakura snuck a peek at Sasuke, only to find him staring curiously across the room. On the far side of the area, near entrance to the hall that led to the real room 301, stood Hinata.
That's weird, Sakura thought. I don't remember Hinata being here. Where did she come from?
"What's she doing here?" Sasuke said, echoing her thoughts.
"I don't know…" Sakura walked towards her, waving. "Hey, Hinata, what are you-"
Abruptly, Hinata put a hand out towards her, motioning for her to stop. Not once did she look towards Sasuke and Sakura. Hinata's eyes remained plastered on the ongoing fight, and she appeared to be whispering something very quickly under her breath. Sakura tried to listen in, but Hinata was speaking too quietly for her to hear. The sight was unsettling.
"Hey Sasuke…" Sakura said hesitantly, "Can you hear what she's saying?"
"No."
"Do you think you could use your Sharingan…?"
Sasuke stared at her strangely, but after a moment, comprehension struck. "Yeah, I can."
In an instant, his Sharingan activated. Sakura held her breath as she waited for Sasuke, watching curiously as he reads Hinata's lips.
After a moment, Sasuke frowned. This was quickly replaced with a look of pure confusion.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"I don't…" He stopped, unsure of what to say. "'Update stats set local underscore atmosphere equals quotation mark four a-t-m quotation where…" Sasuke repeated back. "..What the hell?"
Across the room, Hinata had finally stopped focusing on Ino's fight and was now staring directly at them.
Sakura gulped. So did Sasuke.
"...location in (SELECT location FROM people WHERE name = 'Rock Lee')," Hinata said. "UPDATE people SET surface_area="1000 m^2" where NAME='Rock Lee'."
"Wh-what's going on?!" Rock Lee gasped.
Quickly, Sakura looked back towards the fight, just in time to see Ino dodge an incoming fist-to-the-face from Rock Lee. The genin stumbled as he corrected himself, clearly in shock. He appeared disoriented as he moved back into position. As Rock Lee rushed towards Ino a second time, his movements faltered—his fist slowed down, almost comically slow as Ino moved out of range with ease.
"This is…" Rock Lee. "It feels as if I'm moving through water. This can't be right!"
"Ha!" With one perfectly executed high kick, Ino launched him into the air.
Oh no. She wasn't going to… was she? Sakura glanced back at Hinata: the dark-haired girl was still mouthing words silently in a quick, never-ending stream. "UPDATE stats SET local_gravitational_modifer= 3.2 WHERE location in (SELECT location FROM people WHERE name = 'Rock Lee')."
"Lion Barrage!"
Rock Lee looked too dumbfounded to dodge Ino's kick even if he wanted to—at least, for the few seconds he was still in the air. As Ino's foot hit his stomach, Rock Lee was catapulted to the floor far faster than humanly possible. He broke through the floor as he hit, creating a genin-sized hole in the wooden planking.
For several moments, nobody moved.
"Ha!" Naruto finally broke the silence. "That weirdo's lucky I didn't get to him first."
"It's impossible," Sasuke insisted, still deeply disturbed by what had happened earlier.
"Y-yeah…" Sakura agreed, her voice weak. Sasuke was glaring at Ino from across the room as he spoke. The girl in question was loudly harassing some poor applicant from Grass who, she claimed, was in her seat. Shikamaru and Chouji were still at the front of the room next to Team Eight and Team Nine, who were huddled around Kabuto, listening intently as he went over his information cards. The information itself was useless to Sakura, and Sasuke was far too distracted to care.
Ino had bulldozed her way into the room with Naruto hot on her heels, blatantly ignoring her teammates and practically everyone else in the room, Kabuto included (thank God for that, Sakura thought). Although Ino was in no way intimidating—and barely thirteen, to boot—she still had breasts and long blonde hair and what would soon be a very well-developed figure. The chunin applicants couldn't seem to decide if they should be offended or if they should just sit back and leer at her.
"No, you don't understand," Sasuke said. "It's impossible. I've never seen anyone move so fast."
Sakura wrung her hands together. It was kind of nice, having someone else be the rational one for a change. Still, Sakura had no idea what to tell Sasuke. Ino was one thing, but Hinata, too? Whatever Hinata had been doing earlier, which Sakura still hadn't figured out, was decidedly un-Hinata-like. She wasn't sure if the Byakugan user's presence was a coincidence or not, but Sakura mentally added Hinata to her list of 'Highly Suspicious Characters.'
"Well, I mean…" Sakura finally answered, "I think Kakashi-sensei moves faster than that…"
"She's not Kakashi-sensei. She's Ino," Sasuke spat out, as if the very word left a sour taste in his mouth. "Her taijutsu skills are about as bad as yours are."
"But she did graduate at the top of the academy…" Sakura trailed off. Why was she defending Ino again, exactly?
Sighing dejectedly, Sakura looked back up at him. Sasuke was giving her the deadest of deadpan stares. He looked like he wanted to ask, "Are you stupid?" but was somehow managing to restrain himself, because actually verbalizing the question would be beneath him.
At this point—as she was actively trying to disappear into her chair—Sakura was saved from her fate by Ino, who announced herself by slamming her hand loudly onto the table as she sat down.
"This is taking forever," Ino complained loudly. "And we're not even at the exciting part yet. All we've got to look forward to after this is more sitting."
"Ino…" Sakura warned.
"What do you mean, 'more sitting?" Sasuke asked.
"For the written exam," Ino said. "Obviously."
"Written exam?" Upon hearing the words "written" and "exam" side by side, Naruto had appeared next to Ino, his face pale. "What written exam?"
Sakura lowered her head to the table in defeat.
"Most tests have written and performance sections. Hadn't you figured that out from the Academy? And it's totally dumb too. I mean, let's be honest, what the hell does advanced mathematics and physics have to do with being a ninja, anyway? It's not like I'm going to be wasting my time doing mental calculations in the heat of the moment."
"Physics? Mental calcula-what?" Naruto was growing paler by the second. "You really think they're going to test us on… on math?"
"Stupid, right?" Ino sighed, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.
"I don't… I don't know how to math!"
"Eh?" Ino blinked at him.
"How do you math things?!"
"..Math isn't a verb.." Sakura chimed in timidly.
"You know he failed the Academy exam three times, right?" Sasuke spoke up. "If the first portion really is a written exam, we've got no chance."
"This can't be happening!" Naruto moaned loudly, crumpling to the floor next to the table.
"Hey!" Ino snapped, sounding genuinely angry. Naruto froze at the sound. "You're worrying for nothing. Listen. You're Naruto. The Naruto. You don't really think they're going to fail you over something stupid like answering a physics question wrong, do you?"
"I don't know…"
"Look," Ino continued. "You're going to pass the test because you're Naruto. You don't need to worry about getting the wrong answers, because all of your answers will automatically be right because you're the one who came up with them."
That… Sakura stopped. That makes absolutely no sense.
"Really?" Naruto said.
"Of course," Ino reassured him. "Trust me, you don't have anything to worry about." With a wave of her hand, she gestured towards the other candidates. "Look how old everyone here is. They've all probably failed this test a dozen times. You see any other kids around here? We're not less experienced. We're just better than them."
The four of them were saved from being mauled to death by the rest of the room by Ibiki's timely appearance.
Throughout the written portion, Sakura held onto the tentative hope that Naruto would lose his nerve and opt out of the test.
After all, this time around, Hinata hadn't even offered to let him cheat. After finishing her test in the first few minutes, the dark-haired girl proceeded to stare vacantly ahead of her. Naruto still hadn't caught onto the fact that 'cheating' was the real objective, and Sakura strongly suspected that Ino somehow forgot that was the whole point of the exam, too.
It didn't matter anyway, because this time around, Naruto didn't even raise his hand.