Chapter XII. Let Me Get This Straight
"Tell me everything," he'd said.
How exactly was one supposed to summarize 700 chapters of a manga? That was, what, 90 full volumes in book form, and literally hundreds of animated episodes? And Kakashi had said everything. It was one thing to know what was going to happen, and quite another to explain it effectively.
"Er, well..." Sakura said. "You see, Naruto is, um... it's an anime about a kid named Naruto, who lives in a ninja village called Konoha-"
"..Sakura. I know what Konoha is."
"Oh, right."
"I live here."
"Sorry. Um, it's just, this is kind of hard," Sakura sighed. "I'm not sure where to start."
"You could try starting with right now," Kakashi suggested.
Right, well, that would make sense, but... "Well, the thing is, Ino's sort of already messed that up. I'm not sure what's going to happen now and what isn't."
"That's understandable, but we'll deal with that afterwards. Why don't you just tell me how things were supposed to happen before Ino and you arrived here?"
"Okay," Sakura said. "I can do that. Well, let's see... nothing really significant happens until the finals, I guess. Naruto is supposed to be learning how to summon frogs with Jiraiya and you're supposed to be teaching Sasuke how to use chidori, since he got matched up with Gaara—"
"Gaara, the sand genin?"
"Right," Sakura nodded, "But since we're not in the finals this time around, I guess that part doesn't really matter, except that it does matter because Sand is supposed to attack during the exam. They've teamed up with Orochimaru and the Sound Village and—"
"Wait, stop. Suna is going to attack us?" Kakashi said, frowning. "Do you know more about that? Do you have any proof?"
"How would I have proof?" Sakura shook her head. "And as for why, I can't really remember. Money probably. I don't know. Anyway, so then…" Where was she? "...Um, Gaara turns into Shukaku during his fight with Sasuke..." ..Or maybe he didn't turn into Shukaku until later. I can't remember if he turned into the demon or if he just got really pissed off. "..and then Sand comes out and decides to attack because of Gaara. Wait, was that how that happened? I remember Kabuto using that feather jutsu and making everyone sleepy. Oh, and Pakkun was there too for some reason."
"I... see."
"Yeah, so then we end up chasing Gaara into the forest and at some point he ends up choking Sakura out and then Sasuke gets injured and Naruto turns into the Nine-tails and beats him."
"..Naruto beats Sasuke?"
"No, he beats Gaara. Aren't you listening?" Sakura said. "That part's really important too 'cause it's one of Sasuke's defining moments. You know how insecure Sasuke is. He's obsessed with his brother and he can't stand the idea of Naruto being stronger than him. Hey, Kakashi, do you think that maybe if Sasuke wasn't around when Naruto beat Gaara that he wouldn't run off with the Sound Four?"
"I don't..." Kakashi looked confused, "..the Sound Four?"
"Orochimaru's henchman," Sakura clarified. "They were introduced during the Sound Invasion. There are four of them, and they're Orochimaru's best soldiers, or something like that. And they all happen to be teenagers. ..That part was kind of weird. Sasuke ends up leaving with them after—"
"Okay, wait, stop for a second," Kakashi interrupted again, "What happened with the Sound Invasion? Does that mean we won?"
"Huh? Oh, right! Yeah, we win, Sand retreats and Gaara ends up as a good guy after Naruto talks to him for a while. Oh, also, the Hokage gets killed by Orochimaru and Tsunade replaces him as the Fifth. Anyway, so Naruto and Sasuke—"
Kakashi let out a deep sigh and remained quiet for the rest of the conversation.
About an hour later.
Kakashi had been staring into his teacup for the last several minutes. He hadn't spoken since she had finished her story, and it was starting to make Sakura nervous. After Kakashi had stopped interrupting her, Sakura had fumbled a bit with her narration, but overall she felt like she had done a pretty good job. Sure, she had to backtrack a few, well, dozen times —after all, the timeline was kind of confusing and there were a lot of characters, but that was understandable, right?
Still, she couldn't tell if Kakashi was upset or just really confused.
"Um, so..." Sakura finally said, "Do you have any questions?"
"Questions?" Kakashi smiled. Even Sakura could tell that one was strained. "Where do I even begin?"
Now you know how I feel, Sakura thought.
"..Let me get this straight," Kakashi said. "There's a man named Tobi, who is pretending to be Madara, who is actually Obito, who isn't actually dead because he was rescued by the real Madara, who, incidentally, is supposed to be dead—"
"Yeah, but he wasn't dead at the time," Sakura added. "Well, he was dead, and then he wasn't, and then he was, and then he comes back as zombie, and then he comes back to life again."
"And then he dies. Again."
"Right."
"But as of this moment, he's still currently dead."
"I think so," Sakura said. "Probably."
"Okay... I think," Kakashi said hesitantly, "So, Madara is manipulating Obito, who is manipulating the Akatsuki into collecting all of the tailed-beasts, in order to summon the ten-tails, in order to cast the Eye of the Moon Plan, so that he can, and I quote, "live in a perfect dream world where he spars with Hashirama over and over again for the rest of eternity.'"
"Well, I mean, probably," Sakura said. "But that part doesn't matter, because Kaguya—"
"..God empress Kaguya?"
"Well, that's not her actual name, I was just trying to be descriptive—"
"I really wish you wouldn't—"
"Anyway," Sakura cleared her throat.
"..Right," Kakashi sighed. "So, Kaguya comes back and tries to enslave humanity, until we beat her. And then Sasuke—and I apologize in advance if I get this part wrong—who was good, and then turned evil, and then turned good again, and then turned evil again—gets into a fight to the death with Naruto—"
"—but after they beat each other up for a bit, Sasuke gives up and apologizes," Sakura interrupted. "And that's how the Fourth Shinobi war ends."
"So let me… just…" Kakashi trailed off as he rubbed his temples with both hands. "There's going to be a continental shinobi war against an army of clones, but you don't know exactly when. The Akatsuki are collecting tailed-beasts, but you don't know where most of them are or how to find them. Obito is alive, Madara will be alive, and it's critical that we find something called the 'Demonic statue' but you have no idea where that is either, and Orochimaru and Kabuto are somehow involved, but you don't remember which side they're on. "
"..it's really complicated."
"Isn't Orochimaru the one orchestrating the upcoming invasion?"
"Well yeah, but..."
"And I thought earlier you said if that if we killed Kabuto and tossed his body in a river, the world would be a much better place."
"Well, I mean," Sakura faltered. "Kabuto brings Itachi back as a zombie and heals Sasuke, which was pretty cool, but he also brought Madara back, which was pretty not cool. Karma-wise, he's probably in the negatives. On the other hand, he does end up running an orphanage, so your guess is as good as mine."
Kakashi was quiet for a moment. Eventually, he said, "Sakura… I have to admit, when you said you knew "everything" about Naruto, I was expecting something a bit more… in depth."
"I know all the important parts..."
Even Sakura knew she sounded like she was whining.
"While I do admit that it's, uh, impressive that you can quote verbatim Hinata's confession to Naruto during her fight with Pain, and that you seem to know the exact layout of Sasuke and Naruto's bedrooms, I'm not quite sure how that information is going to help us."
"..Maybe we can go over it one more time?"
"Ah, no, that won't be necessary," Kakashi gave her another fake smile, "I just need some time to think things through. It's a lot to take in…"
Well, yeah. I just told him his friends were going to die, and... Oh no, he must be thinking about Obito!
"Um, Kakashi, are you gonna be okay?"
"Hm?"
"I just mean… you know... with Obito and all," Sakura said. Feeling uncomfortable with the silence, Sakura continued rambling, "Y'know, he's not really evil, I mean I know he was for a bit and most of this is completely his fault, but if you think about it, he redeems himself in the end. Sort of..."
"..right."
".…"
".…"
The silence stretched as they both stared awkwardly into their tea cups. Right back where they started.
"..So, I think I'm gonna go home now.."
"That sounds good," Kakashi sounded relieved.
"Right."
"I'll let you know if I have any more questions."
"Yeah, okay.…" Not wanting to be rude, Sakura finished her tea in one gulp and practically bolted out the door.
About two weeks later:
Never again did Sakura want to wake up to the sound of Naruto pounding on her bedroom window with both fists while screaming, "SAKURA-CHAN, SAKURA-CHAN! You gotta come! It's an emergency!"
Once she had dressed, Naruto ended up dragging her to a set of training grounds she'd never been to before. He wouldn't tell her why, but it was easy enough to figure out—Ino, of course. When the two of them arrived, Ino was standing in the center of what looked like a large, shallow crater, pointing an accusing finger at the four genin in front of her.
Why is Sasuke here? No, scratch that, why is NEJI here, of all people? Ino hadn't invited them all out here, had she? Sakura thought. Oh, no—had Ino invited EVERYONE? Because if Gaara shows up here, I'm leaving. Immediately.
"There you are!" Ino said as soon as she saw Naruto and Sakura approaching the crater.
"Naruto," Sakura said, "I thought you said this was an emergency."
'This IS an emergency!" Ino said. "He won't leave me alone,"—Ino pointed at a scowling Sasuke—"And he won't let me have Rock Lee!" Ino finished, pointing at an equally irate looking Neji.
"He's not a toy, Ino," Tenten said, trying to reason with her, "You can't just take him."
"He's my slave," Ino said. "He has to do whatever I tell him to do until the end of the Chunin Exams. And I want him to help my team train. We need someone to practice our moves on."
"..What?" Neji finally spoke. "Lee would never agree to that."
"It's true!" Ino said. "Just ask Sakura!"
"I honestly don't care what Sakura—or you, for that matter—have to say about it," Neji said, refusing to look in Sakura's direction. "Lee is our teammate, and we're in the middle of preparing for the final tournament. You need to leave. Preferably now."
"I'm not going anywhere without Rock Lee," Ino said with a huff. She moved a few steps closer to Neji and planted both feet firmly on the ground, in what Sakura assumed was meant to be some sort of gesture of defiance. "As for you," Ino said, turning to glare at Lee, "You should be ashamed of yourself for going back on your word. What kind of a man are you, anyway?"
From the looks of it, Lee was about one insult away from bursting into manly, manly tears.
"Don't listen to her, Lee," Tenten said. As soon as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, Lee started bawling.
"Ino is right!" Lee said between tears. "I am a disgrace! My word means nothing! Neji, I am sorry, I must leave with-"
"Be quiet, Lee," Neji said.
"See, what did I tell you?" Ino said. "Lee wants to come with me. Don't you, Lee?"
"I-I, That is—" Rock Lee stuttered. "Ino—"
"You come here—with your ridiculous made-up team, I might add—you demand that we leave our designated training grounds, and then you try to force Lee to come with you to be your punching bag. And you have the gall to yell at me for not letting him come," Neji said, his voice eerily calm. "Unbelievable."
"My team is not made-up, and—hey, what the hell do you think you're laughing at?"
"N-nothing," Sasuke said, unable to fully stop himself from chuckling. "Why would I be laughing?"
"You think you're so cool, huh? At least I have a team, unlike a certain someone here," Ino said, glaring at him from over her shoulder. "Some of us have important things to do. You know, like prepare for the Chunin Exams that we passed and you didn't. Why don't you go ask your stupid sensei if he has any more chores for you to do and let the rest of us train?"
That wiped the smirk off his face.
..And that was Sakura's cue to step in. "Um," Sakura said, "I was thinking-"
"Just you wait, Ino, I'm gonna find out the truth and when I do, you'll be the one who doesn't have a damned team."
"Wow, have you lost it already?" Ino said, shaking her head in mock disbelief. "You're not making any sense."
"Tell me where you found those documents about Orochimaru and the Senju," Sasuke demanded. "If those even exist. Were they in the Hokage's office, too?"
Am I invisible or something? Sakura thought. "Um, g-guys..."
"And while you're at it, why don't you tell me what other secret documents that were conveniently left out in the open for you to find, huh?"
"Ugh, you're so annoying!" Ino said. "No wonder everyone in the village hated your clan."
Sasuke looked scandalized. "The Uchiha clan is..."—he faltered—"...was a well-respected, integral part of-"
"Oh, please. That's why the village sent out all of those ANBU to track down Itachi and bring him back to pay for his crimes, right? Because everyone's so torn up about it."
"OKAY!" Sakura said. "I think it's about time for us to go!"
"I told you, I'm not leaving without Lee—"
"Ino, please," Sakura pleaded. She caught Ino's eyes and looked at her with what she hoped was her best doe-eyes-and-trembling-lips expression.
And for once, it actually worked.
"Oh, fine." Ino finally said. "We don't need him, anyway."
Rock Lee sagged with relief.
"And as for you three," Ino continued, pointing at Neji's team, "I'm really going to look forward to my team beating yours in the tournament. Assuming your team doesn't get crushed before you face us, that is."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Neji said. "But as long as you're leaving, I don't care."
"Whatever. Team Ino is going to blow you guys out of the water. We're gonna win that tournament, and when we do, you're going to regret not keeping your word, Lee."
"I'm confused," Tenten said. "Do you mean winning your match? I thought the Hokage said that the finals were a chance for us to show the judges our abilities. Didn't he say that we could win our matches and still not make chunin?"
"That's stupid," Ino said. "What's the point of competing in a tournament if you don't get anything special for winning? I know he said all of that crap, but you didn't really buy that, did you? That's just what the judges want you to think. Right, Sakura?"
"No," Sakura said meaningfully, "That's definitely how it works."
"I bet if the final tournament hadn't gotten interrupted, that's exactly what would have happened!" Ino continued on excitedly. "It's not like that's the first time those exam proctors lied to us about the rules, either—they did that with the written exam, too!"
Well, that part was, true, but...
"Look, you guys can think whatever you want. Just don't come crying to me when my team wins the tournament and makes chunin and you're all stuck as genin for another year."
"Whatever you say, Ino," Neji said.
A/N: As I kinda pointed out before, I am trying to introducing the HS crossover material as if it was new and OC-oriented. My aim is for this fanfiction to be read and understood by people who are familiar with Naruto and SI/OC type stories; being familiar with the crossover part would be an added bonus of guessing who is who and what's really going on, but I don't want it to be necessary to enjoy the crack. It's all in good fun. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to leave their thoughts, since that's the only way I can estimate whether or not I've explained things well enough. So, yeah - thank you! :D