One dreary evening the bandicoots were hanging out at the ruins of Cortex Castle. Crash, Tawna and Fake Crash were wandering the halls, defacing Cortex's already-tasteless art by tossing Bumpa Berries left and right. It was all fun and games, until they stepped through an opening in the wall, out onto a balcony.
It was a familiar sight. Crash stared into the sunset, reflecting on his first adventure. Gathering all the gems, and finally reaching Tawna at the end of the Great Hall. This, as you could guess, was that very balcony.
A tear came to Crash's eye as he stared reflectively out into the sunset. He remembered riding away with Tawna, feeling that they would be together forever...yet she rarely paid attention to him these days. Overcome with a longing for the past, and resurfaced heartache, Crash reached out beside himself...
...and held Tawna's hand. She blinked in surprise, glancing down at her old hero, having been a long time since she had received a gesture of affection like this. Tawna blushed and as Crash slowly turned his head to her, she met his sheepish gaze with a subtle, but sincere smile.
"Aw, Crash... You're still so sweet, but I don't know...huh?" Tawna was cut short by something squeezing her other hand. She looked over to see Fake Crash, staring up at her with attention-seeking puppy-dog eyes.
"Umm, guys...I think I need some time to..."
A purple splash washed over Tawna's field of vision and the next thing she saw was Fake Crash on the ground, soaking with juice.
"Fake Crash! Are you okay?" She looked at her other side to see Crash, still holding Tawna's hand, with more berries in the other hand, ready to throw at his fake double. There was a burning jealousy in his eyes.
"Crash, you need to calm down! We're all friends here!"
Crash nodded, looking down at his feet shamefully...Only to have Fake Crash spring back to life, and bite his leg! Crash responded with a punch to Fake Crash's teeth, which was repaid by a kick to Crash's belly, and before long they were a raging dust cloud of hate and violence.
Tawna facepalmed herself, shaking her head. "I can't believe these guys, fighting over me like this..."
Ignoring Tawna, the bandicoots kept on bruising each other up until she reached her breaking point.
"STOOOOOP!" Tawna screamed, echoing through the castle ruins as the Crashes froze in the middle of combat. Crash and Fake Crash stood, with their fingers wrapped around each others' necks (if you can call it necks) while intently eyeing the frustrated girl.
"Crash...Fake Crash...if you can't get along, there must be a better way to settle this." Tawna wondered aloud while the guys released each other and listened curiously.
Looking up at the ruined castle towers, Tawna noticed some other familiar spots that were still intact.
"Wait... that's it! Wasn't there a race track on this castle, that we used some years ago? Maybe you two dummies can channel some of that anger into a proper contest...three laps around Cortex Castle, just like the old days! What do you say?"
Crash gave an enthusiastic thumbs-up in agreement. Fake Crash half-heartedly shrugged and nodded, as if to say, why not...
"That decides it! The both of you, dust off your karts and get some practice. I'll round up an audience of all our friends and make this into a great big event! Hmm, but what to do about the prize...My friends in the Nitro Squad gave all the trophies away years ago...Oh, this should motivate you." Tawna winked mischievously. "How about a kiss?"
Crash and Fake Crash frantically tried shoving each other away to reach Tawna.
"No, no.. a kiss as a PRIZE. For winning the race. Get it? So... same time, next week?"
The guys spun around and took off to prepare for their big race. The thought of finally getting a kiss from Tawna was all it took to get them going... And by going, I mean repeatedly tripping each other all the way down the hall.
"Sigh...Well, there they go. At this rate I might have this whole thing organized before they even make it back home." Tawna shook her head in disappointment. She turned around to find her own way out of the castle, wanting to avoid the ruckus. Out of nowhere, she lost her balance, tumbling forward as an unstable brick gave way under her foot.
Tawna yelped as she fell through the floor and bumped her rear on the (thankfully stable) floor of a dark hidden corridor underneath.
"Oww..." the bandicoot painfully pulled herself to her feet, dusting herself off. "And I might add, eww...It stinks down here!" Her hands quickly shifted from her aching bottom to covering her snout, as she wandered down the hall in search of a way back up to the normal floor.
"Sometimes I forget how much creepy stuff Crash dealt with to get through here, back when you had to take the hard way...An idiot, sure, but he never gave up on me..." Tawna remembered out loud. She often found herself going back and forth about Crash. But what she didn't expect, was a response from the darkness.
"Hello? Is anyone there? Have you come to release this poor forgotten soul, from an unjust imprisonment?" A rather pathetic voice echoed from up ahead.
"Um...Hi? And, that strongly depends on who I'm speaking to. I'll be right over." Tawna was highly suspicious, but figured it would be worth a look. She continued on, to find a small prison cell with one of Cortex's lab assistants grasping the bars. He wore a particularly goofy looking costume, but the giant glasses and long pointy nose were unmistakable.
"Of course, it's just one of you creeps, now I know where the stink comes from... Have fun in there!" Tawna turned her back on him.
"Wait! Milady! You do not understand! I am not like the other...creeps, as you might call them! Please listen to me!" The assistant begged, on his hands and knees.
"Ugh...Then tell me, who are you supposed to be?" Tawna faced him again, arms crossed and rolling her eyes impatiently.
"So kind of you to ask, dear lady..." with a sudden jolt of life, the assistant sprung to his feet. "I...am Prince Lab Assistant! Prince of this castle!...Oof!" As he bowed, his golden crown fell over his face, forcing him to clumsily readjust it. "...At your service!"
"That's fantastic, but tell me why you don't deserve to be holed up in here forever?" Tawna tapped her foot, checking her wrist like a watch.
"You must know, I never served that horrid doctor who ran this castle! I did not fit his evil standards, so he cruelly locked me away in the darkest of dungeons, for many lonely, lonely years! Ohh! I cannot bear the loneliness another moment! I may faint!" The Prince gasped, striking a theatrical pose and placing a hand over his brow.
"Heh, well...You are entertaining, I'll admit. But, I'm sure you wouldn't be so harmless if these bars weren't holding you..." Tawna mumbled in suspicion.
"Never in my years of entrapment have I dared a malicious thought to cross my mind! I have dreams of my own, you see!" The Prince clutched his hands together.
"Yeah, I bet...Dreams of vaporizing us all, with a ray gun! I bet you smuggled one in there with you!" Tawna pointed accusingly.
"Perish the thought, o gentle lady! I have only my flowers to keep me company, and even they have withered over these long tortuous years! No, I dream only of what any prince desires...To fall in love! To find my fairest, truest love, and cherish it evermore! That is the destiny of a prince!"
"Blah, what a cheeseball..." Tawna moaned in annoyance. "But you seem harmless enough. I don't know how a lab assistant could have such hilariously sad ideas in his head, unless he was a bit different." Tawna stepped toward a rusty old switch crate marked with a '!' symbol. "This thing should do it..."
"So...you are going to free me?" the Prince perked up with excitement.
"Well, yeah, but remember...if you even think of doing something evil, you'll be eating that crown for lunch!" Tawna waved her finger in a scolding fashion.
"You have my word, milady! I vow to be a righteous and just prince, and reform this wretched castle for the good of the world!" The Prince stood proudly with his hand over his heart.
"You can spare me the vows, I have a headache already...And you can cut out the 'milady' stuff already." Looking away, Tawna kicked the crate, opening the bars and releasing the strange prisoner.
"Freedom at last! I am humbly indebted to you mila...I mean, my friend, for your infinite kindness! I shall not let you down!" The giddy Prince leapt out of the cell, prancing and galloping around the halls with joy. Tawna instantly regretted her decision. Not because he seemed dangerous, but rather because he was just annoying.
"Sure, don't mention it..." Tawna replied awkwardly, watching the happy dance unfold.
"But I must mention it always, for it is the greatest act of kindness I have ever received! And from such a divine beauty as yourself!" The Prince knelt before Tawna, taking her hand, which she quickly drew away.
"Don't try any gentlemanly stuff with me! You're not my type and i'm dealing with enough guys already..." Tawna sniffed her hand to ensure there was no stink.
"Oh yes! My deepest apologies! How shall I assist you in return for your rescue?" The Prince stood back up and composed himself.
"I don't need help, just leave me alone and...Wait!" Tawna lit up. "I was just about to hold an event in this castle. How would you like to tidy some things up, make sure the racetrack is still in working order...then you can join the audience, and um... Make some friends or whatever."
"It's an honor of the highest order! Consider it done! I can not wait to meet people once more, especially people who will not try to lock me away!" The Prince saluted Tawna.
"Well...That remains to be seen, but I'll put in a good word for you. I'll let you get reacquainted with this old dump, I'm sure it's not the way you remember it. See you next week, Sir Labs-A-Lot!" Tawna waved as she climbed up some rubble and left the Prince to his work.
The week raced on by, and before they knew it, Crash and his toothy faced double were back in the driver's seat, waiting at the starting line of Cortex Castle's own racetrack. The rooftops were lined with spectators from all across bandicoot history, and Tawna herself observed from a high balcony as the host of the event. As the lights counted down, the two racers eyed one another with a competitive intensity.
Well, at least Crash was intense. Fake Crash was rather puzzled at the look he was getting but tried to shrug it off. Just as the the green light came on and the engines started, Crash shouted and pointed in the distance distractingly. As Fake Crash looked around, Crash reached over and smacked his opponent's steering wheel, sending him swerving out of control and crashing face first into a wall as Crash zoomed off into the track. It was a dirty trick but Crash couldn't give up on Tawna's promise of a kiss.
Fake Crash squeezed his nose to stop the extreme swelling that was blocking his view, and backed onto the track, in hot pursuit of Crash. The lead bandicoot soared confidently across the track, but the faker was steadily sneaking up on 1st place, handling the corners with a certain finesse that even Crash himself had to notice.
By the second lap Fake Crash was closing in on his opponent. Startled at the fake's recovery, Crash fumbled in his pocket and fished out a blowgun. Looking back at his opponent, Crash spat a flurry of blowdarts at Fake Crash's tires, which he managed to safely weave his way around. Crash responded with a death-glare as Fake Crash pointed ahead, urging the vengeful bandicoot to keep his eyes on the road.
Before he could take the fake's advice, Crash...crashed, into a giant spider. Unimpressed by Crash's innocent grin and dismissive handwave, the spider shot a web at the frightened bandicoot and flung him in a circle not unlike a lasso, spinning out his kart which Crash could barely hang onto. Fake Crash drove into the webline, biting it in half and releasing Crash from the spider's attack. Alarmed, the spider climbed its web and retreated back to the ceiling.
Fake Crash took the lead as Crash stared blankly, baffled at what had just happened. Snapping out of the shock, Crash remembered he had just been passed. Then he remembered Tawna's ruby red lips, and took off at a furiously fast speed. He couldn't let anything distract him now, so he stopped drifting off and got back to drifting.
It was the third lap and Crash was still behind, though he was catching up once again, taking advantage of the shortcut which he made Fake Crash slip off with a carefully thrown 'oil slick' of rotten wumpa juice. Toward the finish line, the moment of truth had arrived. For lack of a better term they were 'neck' and 'neck.' Both bandicoots had a bowling bomb in hand, and once again they stared each other down, neither willing to take any chances.
In perfect sync, the two competitors raised their bombs for a mighty throw. At the last possible moment before the throw, Crash spat into his doppelganger's eyes with disturbing precision. Fake Crash immediately lost control, frantically rubbing his eyes, dropping his bomb next to himself while Crash's bomb struck him at the same time.
Narrowly escaping the horrors of the double-explosion, Crash triumphantly drifted past the finish line, parking his kart with a big old Crash smile, perhaps his biggest yet. As is typical of him, he Crash-danced his way through a storm of confetti as a familiar fanfare played from the rooftops, courtesy of Ebenezer Von Clutch's brass players in his Motorworld Marching Band.
A few long, agonizing seconds later, a very burnt bandicoot pulled up next to Crash's kart, coughing while dusting off two layers of soot and ash from his fur. Begrudgingly, he raised a hand to Crash for a handshake, which Crash almost accepted but was distracted again by the applause as he dashed away merrily. Fake Crash slumped back in his kart. He considered himself a sportsman but this was a tad much.
"AND THE WINNER IS...Crash, I guess..." Tawna muttered into her megaphone with audible disappointment. She couldn't bear to watch anymore so she turned around, shaking her head.
"That's not the Crash I know, the Crash who saved my life years ago...Did he really stoop this low, just to get me to kiss him? Well, I'm not impressed! I hardly want to go through with the awards ceremony now!" She stomped her foot in frustration...then paused thoughtfully, stroking her chin. "Then again...I suppose we can still keep the awards ceremony...technically unchanged..." A crafty smirk appeared on Tawna's face as she quietly snickered. "That'll do just fine."
At the newly remodeled Great Hall, Crash ran in to greet his fans, slicking back his mohawk for the award show which was now beginning.
Swaying her hips, Tawna walked through an opening in the crowd, gracing Crash with an enchanting smile as she approached him. Crash could barely contain his excitement and tried to resist jumping with joy. This was where it would all pay off!
"So, my little racing champion..." Tawna cooed to the winner in front of her. "Ready for your kiss?" She raised a finger and flirtatiously gestured for Crash to come even closer.
With a beaming smile (and a hint of nervousness) Crash nodded at the bandicoot bombshell while shaking excitedly. He took one more step to get right in front of her, held out his arms, and then...
Tawna sidestepped out of his way. "Well...here it is!" She exclaimed gleefully, stepping aside to reveal none other than an ecstatic...Prince Lab Assistant?
"Your search for true love's kiss is now over! Your prince charming has arrived!" the Prince chirped, lowering to his knee and offering Crash a rose - plus an unblinking, lovestruck gaze. "I knew you would win this race for me, I felt it in my heart! Please, come here!"
Crash froze in horror, letting out a small whimper and taking a shaky step back. He was a different kind of shaky now, and looking rather pale.
"My Prince," Tawna interjected with a giggle. "I think our winner is feeling a bit shy." She nudged Crash toward the Prince, who then locked hands with Crash, smiling sweetly.
"My love, there is nothing to fear. Your beauty this day shines brighter than a box of golden Wumpa, and we shall now share our Happily Ever Faster, er I mean, After! Now, to cast our spell of love...Mmmmm..." The eager Prince puckered up, while his 'true love' turned his face away and struggled in vain to free his hands from the Prince's grip.
"Darling, is something amiss? How can we celebrate your victory, and our union, if I do not kiss you?" The Prince asked with concern.
"I know what's the matter..." Tawna commented. "A first kiss needs the proper location," She added while motioning toward the trophy podium. "...And of course, the proper exposure!"
"Why, you are absolutely right!" the Prince grinned a dorky grin while jumping to his feet, lifting Crash up into his arms. "Come, beloved! We must embrace this precious moment for all that it is!" With his face buried in the Prince's chest, Crash suffered a facefull of dungeon stench, but lacked the freedom of movement to plug his nose, a realization which made him yelp.
In a rather embarrassing (yet oddly adorable) display, the geeky Prince waltzed daintily through the crowd. All the way to the podium, the trapped bandicoot squirmed desperately, but to no avail. The prison of the Prince's loving arms was seemingly inescapable. Isabella, Liz, Ami and Megumi soon arrived to greet the pair at the podium, and present Crash's well-earned 'prize' to everyone. The crowd went silent in anticipation.
"Just relax Crash, and have fun!" giggled Ami, watching as Crash kicked and pushed against the Prince in a wild panic, unable to pry himself free.
"Yeah, Crash...after all, this is your moment. And it's a beautiful thing to be loved." swooned Megumi, romantically.
"Anyway, Mr. Prince..." Liz chimed in. "Looks like we have the crowd's attention."
"Right!" confirmed Isabella. "So what are you waiting for...get your smooch on!" she cheered.
"At long last, the moment is here, after so many lonely years..." the Prince cried joyfully. He affectionately stroked Crash's hair, making him shudder in discomfort. "With this kiss, I, Prince Lab Assistant of Cortex Castle, congratulate you on winning today's race...and the undying love of a handsome prince..." Raising the mortified shivering bandicoot in front of his face, the Prince plumped up a surprisingly juicy pair of lips and granted Crash the biggest, wettest kiss he could have ever hoped for...
...Well, he hoped to receive it from Tawna, but that's irrelevant isn't it? Let's just say it is.
The kiss was quite a spectacle, and quite a hit with the crowd, but Fake Crash missed the chance to see it. As he sat fuming in his kart, too annoyed (not to mention injured) to even go to the awards ceremony, he was suddenly approached by Tawna. He spun around in pleasant surprise and his tired eyes came alive.
"Well, seems like that kiss is going to last a while, I think I saw plenty for one day. What do you say we go grab a Wumpa Whip, just you and me?" Tawna held out her arms, to which Fake Crash jumped into them with no hesitation and a delighted chuckle.
"C'mon, you cute little dork," Tawna booped the fake bandicoot's large nose as she happily carried him out of the castle, dusting off the remaining soot from the bowling bombs.
After that? Tawna and Fake Crash decided to stay home for a while, all the craziness and dare I say, N. Sanity of the islands was becoming a bit too much to handle. They haven't stayed in the loop, but they recently received word that Prince Lab Assistant is living his best life. Good for him.
The End