The Diego Diaries: Blow (dd7 283
=0=Ops Center shortly before 0900 hours on the TMC, just before the planning meeting
"It's brutal out there," Ratchet said as he trailed sand into the Center. He pulled a chair to sit across from Optimus and Prowl. Pulling out Halo, he set her on the table and slid her to Prime.
"Hello there," OIptimus said sweetly as she looked up with a giant smile. She held out her arms so Uncle Otis could hold her. He did. Happily.
'What's new?" Ratchet asked.
"There was a fight at Club Cybertron shortly ago between an unknown individual. It involved Barricade and Scorponok," Prowl replied as he picked up a data pad to peruse it again.
"Wow. Someone has a death wish. Who is it?" Ratchet asked as he took the pad, then read it. He grinned. "Springer really has to step it up here among the ranks about report writing. 'The perpetrator is an unknown fragger from somewhere and fights dirty, the slagger. Not Barricade or Scorponok, but me and three other officers. Frag him'." Ratchet smiled. "Classic."
Prime and Ratchet laughed loudly while Prowl frowned. "I'm glad you find that funny."
"We do," Prime replied. "I wonder who this is and if its a holdover from earlier times."
"He's clammed up," Prowl said as Prime grinned. Prowl was all about the jargon.
"Read his transponders, slagger. He has five," Ratchet said.
"I order you to do that," Prowl said.
Prowl and Prime stared at him for almost too long, then both burst into laughter.
Prowl frowned again.
Prime grinned. Again.
"Go to the jail and find out what his numbers are, Loon. Bring them back and lets end a mess before it begins," Prowl said.
Ratchet snickered, then rose. "Little Miss Priss. Slagger. Granny."
"That's it. Be the adult and call me names, Loon," Prowl said with a smirk.
Prime grinned.
Ratchet snickered as he walked for the door, out into the Rec Room, then to the big doors. He knew he could take the Metro under The Fortress but where would be the fun in that?
He paused at the doors, then stepped out into hurricane force winds. He disappeared from view immediately.
=0=Staring at a grid data map that Prowl pulled from the Ops Center's arsenal
He lit Ratchet up on the pad. "Loon is walking over. He's out of his processor."
"I think he's getting your horned ungulate," Prime teased as he held a sleepy and much contented Halo. He grinned at Prowl.
"I don't know what you mean but lets have a little fun, shall we?" Prowl said with a smirk. "Prowl to Loon."
A moment's silence, then Ratchet spoke back. :What do you want, Granny?:
"I'm going to help you get there in one piece. I have you on a grid map."
:Where am I?: Ratchet asked.
"Go straight ahead, straight ahead, Ratchet," Prowl said as he grinned to himself.
Prime who was watching the progress amidst streets, traffic, ships and objects located all over the airfield glanced at Prowl. He sat back himself. This could be fun. Too bad Ironhide wasn't here, he considered but the big mech was slagging dishes at the Med Center. He grinned again. Sometimes his life was a miracle.
It was silent, then a loud thump came over the intercom system.
Prowl snickered. "Hey? You there?"
It was silent a moment as Ratchet lay flat on his back. He'd walked into a mountain of pallets with machine parts for Cybertron and fallen on his aft. As he lay there, sand began to bury him. :I am. Why?:
Prowl grinned. "I don't know. I thought you might have walked into something. You are, after all, The Loon™."
Ratchet staggered up, spit a bucketful of sand from his mouth, then began to feel his way forward in the blinding storm. He leaned into the wind which nearly lifted him off the ground. He laughed in spite of himself. This was going to be epic.
"Go straight ahead," Prowl said as he watched Ratchet feel his way forward, then run into the side of a ship. Down he went again. Prowl sat back as he formulated more 'advice' and 'directions' to give him. It would involve several more slaggings if Primus was his friend. "Keep going ahead, Ratchet. You're nearly across."
"Lying slagger," Ratchet replied as he felt his way forward. He touched metal, figured another ship though he couldn't scan since the static electricity of the sand in the storm was messing with his tech. / … aha! I found it, slagger. I'm going this wa- .../
KA-BONG!
Prime stared at the map. "You should have told him that he would avoid the ship but fall over the ship's maintenance vehicle there."
"I should. My bad," Prowl said with a grin.
Prime chuckled. "That's my line."
Prowl grinned. Sometimes his life was a miracle.
=0=Once more with feeling. Literally.
Ratchet saw the lights of one of the big hangars at the commercial district, then walked there through the drifting sand. He patted it as he walked its length knowing Cultural Center Road was ahead of him. He felt his way along, then reached the edge of the curb. He reached down, patted it, then stood back up. Stepping out, he spun, flew through the air, then landed on the soft sand. His optics twirled a moment as he relaxed into the sensations.
:Loon?:
"What, slagger?"
:Where are you?:
"I just got hit by a truck."
Prime and Prowl glanced at each other as the guilt of the ages crept up on at least one of them.
Prime was ever, is and always will be a good boy. Prowl on the other hand …
"Get up or do I need to send Seal Team 6?" Prowl asked.
Ratchet laughed riotously off line, then composed himself. "No. I'll just lay here until I die. Get a metal detector to find me in the morning. I'm under two feet of sand as it is now."
Prime and Prowl laughed in spite of themselves, then Prowl watched the map as Ratchet staggered back up, patted himself all over, then steeled his guts. Guessing that all was well, he made it across the street with a decided limp. Guessing where the Courthouse was, he began to gimp his way forward, feeling as he walked.
"That mech is mad," Prowl said as he watched Ratchet walk past the pathway to the door, then turn in where the statuary was standing.
"Are you going to tell him where he is and direct him out?" Prime asked as he studied the map, too.
Prowl stared at Prime, then the map. "Nah."
Prime grinned. "Okay."
They both laughed loudly.
So did everyone in the Ops Center. Internally.
Ratchet on the other hand was slowly inching his way forward, sliding a foot at a time, then flailing his arms forward to ward off doom. As he crept closer, his confidence grew until he caught his big old ped and face planted on the ground. On the way down, he grabbed at the air, gripped a statue and with a piece of it in his servo, landing hard on the ground.
He lay there a moment, then crawled forward. Continuing to crawl toward a faint light ahead, spitting out sand between loud laughter, he finally bumped his helm on the huge glass doors of the Courthouse at Autobot City, Primal Colony of Mars. Pulling himself up, he heaved at the door until it opened, then flew out of his servo. It slammed against the wall and shattered.
=0=Ops Center
"SHATTER!"
Prowl and Prime (along with everyone else in the place) startled, jumping slightly in their seats. "Ratchet?"
It was stone silent a moment, then voices speaking over themselves were heard…
:WHAT THE FRAG IS THAT!?:
:IT LOOKS LIKE A MECH! GRAB HIM! HE'S STARTING TO BLOW AWAY!:
It sounded like world war three as the mech was apparently grappled, then dragged inside the courthouse. Running feet could be heard, then something slammed against a metallic frame. The storm sounds disappeared as the sound of welding took its place.
Then it was silent.
:Ratchet?:
Ratchet who was sagging in the grasp of two or three mechs crept to his knees. "I'm here, slagger, no thanks to you."
:Well, good to know. Hurry with the transponder details. He'd due in Magistrate Court shortly:
Everyone listened to Prowl, then glanced at Ratchet. He smiled a dazzler as sand filtered out of his mouth. "He loves me," Ratchet said as he began to stagger to the elevator. He filtered a steady stream of sand behind him as he reached it, then walked inside. Waving at the punters, the doors closed.
They stared at him, then each other. A younger mech glanced at an older one. "He could have taken the Metro."
"We know, youngling, we know," the older mech said quietly.
=0=Down the building to the jail house we go
Ratchet stepped out of the elevator, then limped to the command center that ran the entire ten level jail beneath this, the first courthouse and the premiere one of the three that now existed in the colony. "Hey, Milo. I need to see the new slagger, the one that picked a fight with Barricade and Scorponok."
"Hi, Ratchet. I think he needs a straight jacket myself," Milo said. "He's on the third floor in holding, Block six, cell three."
"Thanks, Milo," Ratchet said as he limped onward.
"Hey, Ratchet."
Ratchet looked back. "What's in your servo?"
Ratchet stared at it, then walked back to hand it to Milo. "I tripped. I think that's the codpiece from the Prima statue out front." He grinned, then limped onward.
Milo stared at him, then the trail of sand behind him. "You could have taken the Metro," he said to no one in particular. He stared at the broken bit of statuary in his servo. "I hope you didn't need that, Lord Prima," he said softly. Then he laughed loudly.
=0=On a dimensional plane
"I do not find that funny."
"We do, Prima." -half a dozen of the Pantheon laughing their faces off
=0=Ops Center
"He's inside the courthouse," Prowl said as he sat back with a grin. "He's mad."
"He is." -Prime
"He's me if I had no shame." -Prowl
Prime grinned. He wasn't going there.
=0=In the big house now
He walked down the block pausing before cell three. "Hi. I'm Ratchet."
The big mech inside, not unhandsome but possessing an air of deviance that blighted his looks faintly glanced up at him. "What do you want?"
"Your transponder number," Ratchet said as he scanned the kid picking up all five of them. "You want to sober up?"
The kid sat back staring at Ratchet with appraising optics. "I wouldn't say no."
Ratchet sent it, watching the kid come back to his senses. "Wanna talk? Confess? Cry on my shoulder? I have wayward younglings myself."
He smirked at Ratchet. "Nope."
"Okay. See ya," Ratchet said as he limped back to the door. He entered the elevator, went to the fifth floor, then followed the directions to the Metro station located here next to the dedicated train line that led to the prison, jail, other courthouses, the hospital and mental care center. He took the one that would cut back around, then end up at The Fortress.
Ratchet was no one's fool. Twice.
=0=Moments later
He limped into the Ops Center still covered in sand and looking scoured in the way a pot would be if it were cleaned by a sand blaster. He sat down at the table, then smirked at both of them. "First of all, frag both of you. Truly."
"You look terrible. Take a shower after you tell me what I want to know," Prowl said with a grin on his face. "We have a reputation to maintain here, slagger."
Ratchet trod on his ped, then smiled beautifully. "Like I said ..."
Prowl swallowed his grimace as Prime snickered. "Were you really hit by a truck, Ratchet?" he asked.
"I was but don't let it mess up your hair, slagger," Ratchet said. He sent the transponder numbers to Prowl. "They don't match. The easy one is changed but the other four aren't. The numbers on four are the truth and the other is a 'boob job' as the humans would say."
Prime guffawed, then swallowed it as Prowl shot him a cool look.
"Don't encourage him," Prowl said. He took the numbers, then walked to a data port nearby.
Prime glanced at Ratchet. "It is very bad out there. Why did you not take the Metro?"
Ratchet considered that. "It was more fun the other way."
Ratchet and Prime, both kids from the wrong side of the street who had to make their own fun out of thin air were simpatico for a moment before Granny came back. He sat. "It appears that we have a road rage gang in our midst," he said.
=0=TBC 5-18-2020
horned ungulate: goat D:D:D
Back at ya, Leoness. :D:D:D