RANKINGS

"I'm back!" Seth announced, walking through the doorway of the hotel room that he was supposed to be sharing with Roman that night. He had been in the New Day's room, recording an episode of UpUpDownDown with Xavier Woods. He paused immediately in his tracks upon seeing a certain someone on his bed. "What the—"

"Welcome home, sweetie!" Dean greeted through a mouthful of pizza, laying casually on Seth's bed the wrong way so that his head was where his feet should be.

"What are you—"Seth asked, looking between Dean and Roman, who was relaxing on his own bed; leaning up against the headboard with one arm tucked behind his head and a beer bottle in the other hand. "What is he doing here? I thought he was sharing a room with Renee tonight."

"He is." Roman nodded reassuringly, "But she's currently having a girls' night out with some of the other ladies, so she asked if we would watch him until she got back."

"Stop making it sound like I'm a goddamned child." Dean growled, throwing Seth's pillow at Roman. "I don't NEED babysitting!"

"Stop acting like one, and yes, you do." Roman smiled back at him, easily dodging the pillow. He nodded towards the lone table in the room, ignoring the fact that Dean was now raising his middle finger at him. "Saved you some pizza and beer if you're up for it, Seth."

"Yeah, REAL man beer." Dean added, catching the pillow as Roman tossed it back at him. "I didn't get any of that fancy-schmancy microbrew stuff you usually drink."

"Whatever." Seth sighed before noticing pizza crumbs all over his bed as Dean moved. He walked over to inspect the damage. "Ugh! Look at this! Ambrose, you got crumbs all over my bed!"

"Uh, we also neglected to get napkins." Dean teased with a guilty look on his face, "So, I may have had to improvise with the bedspread."

"You did what?" Seth exclaimed, examining the blanket as both Dean and Roman laughed. Realizing that he had been joking, Rollins lightly punched Dean in the arm. "You are such an asshole. You know that?"

"Yeah, but I'm also freaking adorable." Dean said through his laughter. "You know you love me."

"And you!" Seth turned on Roman, who was still smiling. "I thought we agreed not to encourage him!"

"Sorry, man." Roman replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Couldn't resist."

"Don't blame Uce." Dean added, rolling over onto his stomach. "He's in a very good mood tonight! Just got off a video chat with Galina."

"Oh, talked to the wifey." Seth nodded knowingly as Roman just continued to smile. "Nice."

"More than talked." Dean grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. "About halfway through, he decided that he needed to take it into the bathroom for privacy reasons."

"Ah!" Seth teased as Roman started to blush. "One of THOSE kind of chats, huh?"

"Not going to confirm or deny that." Roman replied, suddenly unable to look at Dean or Seth.

"Don't have to." Dean continued to grin, doing a little dance while still laying on his stomach. "I know what I overheard!"

"Big Dog just couldn't wait until the next time he got home." Seth nodded, chuckling at just how red the Samoan man was turning.

"Shut up." Roman muttered as Dean and Seth laughed.

"Hey, while I was hanging out with Woods," Seth said, deciding to change the subject before Roman could murder him and/or Dean. "The final rankings for WWE2K18 came out."

"Rankings?" Dean repeated, having no interest in video games. "What rankings?"

"They give everyone a score out of 100." Seth explained before smiling at Roman. "Guess who the highest rated current superstar is this year with a 95?"

"Ah, man." Roman smiled back, again slightly embarrassed.

"Of course, it's our Samoan Badass." Dean replied, beaming with pride at his friend. "Could it be anyone else? Good job, brother."

"Thanks." Roman said, thinking about his usual crowd reaction. "And I can already hear the booing."

"Eh, gives them something new to hate about you." Dean shrugged, rolling over onto his back and letting his head drop over the edge of the bed. "Anyway, who cares what they think?"

"Cena and Lesnar both got a 93. I got 92." Seth said, looking at the list on his phone. "So, you're not THAT far ahead of everyone."

"See? I would have given you the 93 and given those two part-timers a lower rank." Roman remarked before taking a drink of the beer in his hand. "That right there is bullshit."

"What did I get?" Dean raised a curious eyebrow.

"Would you sit up? All the blood is going to rush straight to your head." Roman scolded.

"You're not my dad, Uce." Dean fired back, giving him a middle finger for the second time that night. "My score, Rollins?"

"You got an 88." Seth reported.

"What?" Dean exclaimed, getting up off the bed and into a standing position in one swift motion. "What? I didn't even crack the 90s? What kind of bullshit is that?"

"Calm down, D." Roman shook his head, "I swear that they pull these numbers out of their –"

"Easy for you to say, Mr. 95!" an upset Dean interrupted, staring at Rollins. "Who else outranked me? I demand names!"

"Well, Jinder, Owens, Samoa Joe, and Strowman also got an 88." Seth sighed, suddenly wishing that he had not brought the topic up.

"I got the same rank as Kevin Freaking Owens?" Dean shouted, gesturing wildly with his hands. "Are you kidding me? That's just…well, it's insulting is what it is!"

"Braun only got an 88?" Roman raised an eyebrow, more and more convinced that the numbers on the list were chosen at random. "You sure that it's not a misprint?"

"Only?" Dean scoffed, glaring at Roman.

"Doesn't appear to be." Seth shook his head before smiling at Roman. "I imagine that you two will have a lovely conversation about it during your match tomorrow night."

"Eh, I was going to get thrown around anyway." Roman chuckled with a shrug. "Might as well give him incentive."

"Now, this is interesting!" Seth said, glancing down at his phone again. "Balor got an 88 like Dean, but the Demon King earned a 92."

"Oh, come on!" Dean rolled his eyes, opening another beer. "They're the same goddamned, way too skinny person!"

"Nakamura got an 89."

"I can accept that one." a more relaxed Dean nodded.

"Styles got a 90."

"Stupid Mr. Soccer-Mom Haircut." Dean grumbled before taking a drink. "Owens same rank as me, and Styles ahead of me? Absurd!"

"You can't take it too seriously, man." Seth shook his head, unable to help but smile at the other man's over the top reaction. "It's just for the video game!"

"I should track them both down and punch them in their stupid faces." Dean continued to say as if he didn't hear Seth. He also started pacing around the room. "Then, I'll find Mr. Demon King and shove a carb or two down his throat! Nakamura's cool, so I'm not going to do anything to him."

"Guess what we get to listen to until Renee picks him up?" Roman smiled at Seth. "We get to listen to D plot his revenge against everyone that got the same or better rank than him."

"Great." Seth rolled his eyes, grabbing a beer. "I'm going to need a couple of these."

"Not going to do anything to you, Rome," Dean continued, still ignoring them. "Because you're my brother and I love you."

"And you know that I'd kill you." Roman nodded, raising his beer to Dean.

"You, on the other hand, Mr. Cross Fit Jesus!" Dean said, turning physically towards Seth.

"What?" a confused Seth replied, looking between Roman and Dean. "Aren't I also your brother?"

"You are. Unfortunately, I can only save one of you from my righteous vengeance and I choose Roman." Dean explained with a shake of his head. "I'll need my Samoan Badass for when I go after Braun. He can either help me beat him down, or, if the shit hits the fan…which it often does in my life, he can provide a distraction while I make a run for it."

"So much wrong with that." Roman also shook his head, "I don't even know where to begin with it."

"What?" Dean shrugged, looking at Roman. "Shit hits the fan quite a bit in my life! I think that we can all agree that that is a true statement."

"Oh, I agree with that part of it, D." Roman laughed in response, interrupted by a knock on the door. "Renee back early?"

"Nope." Dean said, opening the door after looking through the peep hole. "What do you want?"

"What the hell kind of greeting is that?" Finn Balor replied, walking past Dean into the room. He tossed a pair of earbuds at Seth with a smile. "Just came to give you these back. Thanks again for letting me borrow them."

"No problem, man." Seth replied, catching them. "Always glad to help a brother out and don't mind Ambrose. He's just upset about his 2K18 ranking and threatening everyone who got the same or better ranking than him."

"Think he mentioned something about jamming a carb down your throat." Roman added with a grin.

"Ugh." Finn said, putting a hand to his head. "Even after I've explained to him that I DO eat them?"

"How the hell does the Demon King count as a separate person?" Dean demanded, narrowing his eyes at Finn. "It's not right."

"It's the whole Superman/Clark Kent dynamic." Finn shrugged, slightly amused. "Besides, it's not like I got the highest ranking." He nodded his head at Roman. "Congratulations on that, big man."

"Ah, yessir." Roman nodded back.

"Still not right." Dean muttered, shaking his head. "Someone, find me a carb!"

"Would you knock it off?" Seth growled, turning towards Dean. "You're being rude! It's not like Finn was the one that came up with the list!"

"Be a lot different if I did." Finn replied, a mischievous grin creeping across his face. "For one thing, 88 seems like a little high for ASSbrose here."

"Oh, you son of a…" Dean exclaimed, starting towards the other man. He was only stopped by Roman getting up and grabbing him from behind. "Let me go! I want to cram that smirk right down his throat along with a carb!"

"I couldn't resist poking the bear." Finn shrugged, looking at Seth.

"It's cool, man." Seth waved off, watching Dean trying desperately to escape Roman's grasp as a knock was heard on the wall from the next room.

"KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE!" a gruff man's voice shouted.

"WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE AND MAKE US!" Dean shouted back, prompting Roman to suddenly go still. "Uce? What's up?"

"You seriously didn't recognize that voice?" Seth answered for Roman, exchanging looks with a horrified Finn.

"No." a confused Dean shook his head, "Should I? Was it one of the boys?"

"I'll handle this." Roman sighed, heading to the door and shaking his own head while muttering. "Freaking Ambrose. Going to get me killed one of these days! Probably right now!"

"Oh, we are so dead." Seth whimpered.

"Are you just going to stare or you going to answer my question?" Dean wondered, looking at Finn and Seth as he heard the door open. "Who in the hell is it?"

"Hey." Roman greeted with his usual charming tone, "Sorry about the noise. We…"

"Move." The Undertaker interrupted, causing Dean's eyes to go wide with fear.

"Yes, sir." Roman replied meekly, doing as he was told.

"How in the hell was I supposed to know HE was here?" Dean whispered to Seth before the tall, older man stopped right in front of him. "Isn't he retired?"

"You the one causing all this noise, Ambrose?" Taker demanded, looking at him straight in the eye.

"Yeah. I mean yes, sir." Dean squeaked out, a mixture of fear and respect for the man in front of him filling his entire body. He couldn't really remember being yelled at by his father when he was a child, but he imagined that it felt something like what he was currently feeling. He suddenly felt unable to look the older man in the eyes. "Sorry, sir."

Silently, the Undertaker studied the younger man in front of him, who seemed to revert to the 10 year old fanboy inside of him at the sight of the WWE legend. It often happened with this new generation that was coming up. A small smile crept across the older man's face.

"Tell you what." he said, clapping a hand on Ambrose's shoulder. "Give me one of your beers and keep it down the rest of the night, and we'll just forget this ever happened, all right?"

"Yes, sir." Dean agreed, immediately rushing over to get the beer.

"And in the future," Taker replied, looking around at the four other men. "Don't give those kind of lists any attention. It really is a bunch of bullshit." He settled his gaze on Reigns. "Except YOUR ranking, kid. 95 is the bare minimum I'll accept from the person now running my yard, understand? Fall below it next year, and I'll have to come back and kick your ass."

"You're welcome to try." Roman smiled back at him.

"Roman." Seth hissed, "I don't care if you did retire him. You don't say those kind of things to HIM."

"Don't worry." Taker waved off, taking one of the beers from Dean. "I've got one of his family members on speed dial, and I'm sure that he'd be interested in hearing about that little remark."

"I think he's busy filming a movie somewhere." Roman chuckled, knowing who the older man was talking about. "But it never seems to stop him."

"Hey, guys." Renee greeted, walking in. "Your door wasn't closed all the way, so I…oh."

"I think that's my cue to leave." The Undertaker smiled, heading towards the door. "Remember to keep it down over here." He paused briefly by Renee and nodded his head. "Ma'am."

"That…that was the Undertaker." Renee said, pulling herself back together as the door closed behind the Dead Man. "Why…why was he here?"

"Uh," Dean started to explain, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, you see, Seth got a little upset about his ranking for WWE2K18, and wouldn't shut up about it. You know him, babe! Has to be a drama queen and throw a big fit over some random number."

"That is so not what happened." Seth muttered before Roman elbowed him in the ribs to silence him.