As soon as Victoria touched asphalt, only one thought came to mind - oh god, I've made a mistake.
She couldn't dwell on it as she ran from the ticking time bomb but once they were on the open road, swerving through debris and sweltering under the heat, reality hit Victoria like a truck.
The entire caravan stopped to watch her dry heave over the side of the freeway. And if that wasn't humiliating enough, Shane had held her hair back.
"I think you could use this."
Victoria warily lifted her head, returning to the present.
She was sitting in the RV alone, curled up against the window as she watched the sun set on Atlanta.
"Some of your things." Carol clarified, lifting the unfamiliar duffel bag with a sympathetic smile that Victoria hated. "We thought you might want come with us."
Victoria took the pilfered bag and unzipped it on her lap.
At the very top was her badge, resting underneath her leather patrolman's jacket. The embroidered Margaux faced her proudly but it felt like another life - endless paperwork, stomach churning crime scenes, outsmarting bad guys and dangerous car chases through the city.
Under the jacket, Victoria found some shirts, jeans and a few other necessities haphazardly thrown in with the rest.
A laugh bubbled passed her lips as she closed the bag. How could she be so stupid to leave the CDC with nothing but the clothes on her back?
"This is great." Victoria beamed, a near-hysteric grin stretching her mouth. "It saves me a world of trouble, thank you."
"It wasn't a problem."
Victoria glanced out the window, checking their surroundings with curiosity. They were stopped at a gas station in a town that looked completely abandoned. "Where are we?"
"Just a few hours outside of Atlanta." Carol answered. "We've stopped for the night. Rick and Shane want to regroup in the morning." She paused, the strange lift in her voice told Victoria there was more to regrouping. "The rest of us are scavenging what we can for dinner."
Victoria sank back into the plus cushions. Outside, she felt sick just thinking about it.
"I know everything must seem overwhelming but you're one of us now. We'll help you through it."
Maybe if she said it with less pity, Victoria would've believed her.
By the time Victoria gathered enough courage to leave the camper, Rick was the only survivor around.
The Sheriff was hunched over Shane's jeep, staring at a map with exhausted eyes. Victoria couldn't imagine what was going through his mind.
"Hey." He greeted as she approached. "How ya' feeling?"
"Like I stepped into Armageddon." She said dryly, getting a chuckle out of him. "You like, need any help or something?"
"We could always use another pair of hands." Rick shrugged. "Daryl's scouting the area but he works better alone, I think. Glenn and T-dog are siphoning gas and the rest of them are gathering supplies." He looked up, scrutinizing her for a moment.
It felt similar to the way Shane looked at her the other night but Rick met her eyes with less hostility and suspicion.
"You familiar with military outposts?"
"Depends." Victoria rested her elbow on the hood of the jeep and leaned in. "I've heard some stuff. I've seen some stuff. What are you looking for?"
Rick tapped his finer on the map. "This is Fort Benning."
Victoria wasn't familiar with the ins and outs of the apocalypse yet but Fort Benning seemed unrealistically far away.
"It's a hundred and twenty-five miles."
"That's really far, man."
The Sheriff hummed in a agreement.
"Why Fort Benning? Isn't there something closer?"
"It's where Shane wants to go." Rick pinched his eyebrows together, almost like he was trying to will Fort Benning closer to them. "He said it's fortified - safe."
Victoria couldn't help the wry chuckle. "So was the CDC."
Rick cringed, shuffling on his feet before he turned to face Victoria fully. "I'm sorry it ended like that."
Victoria believed him. She wouldn't believe anyone else but she believed him.
"Yeah, me too. I didn't think Jenner would go crazy and try to kill us." She clenched her jaw, fucking Jenner, and continued, "I don't know about Benning, man. The last directive I was given was to hold out while the outposts were falling like dominoes and that was about a month ago, give or take." As Rick's expression faltered, Victoria shrugged. "Sorry, man, but I won't be the reason why you're led into another trap."
Rick's expression steeled and to Victoria's surprise, he nodded in agreement. "You're right. We don't know what we're walking into." He took off his hat and set it on the hood before offering his hand to Victoria. "Thank you for convincing Jenner to let us go."
She slipped her hand through his and gave it a halfhearted shake. "I'm sorry I opened the door."
Rick shook his head, firm as he argued, "You tried to do the right thing, that's all we can do." With a charming smile, he added, "Welcome to the group."
Victoria blinked at their intertwined hands. She supposed she was one of them now - a survivor, whether or not she wanted to be or not. "Thanks, Sheriff."
"You don't need to call me Sheriff, Detective." He grinned, returning his hat to it's rightful place. "Why don't you come with me? I still need to check out this gas station."
Whether it be by luck or her keen detectives eye, Victoria had some luck with scavenging. She found a few packets of beef jerky, a couple cans of soup and a fruit cocktail.
Rick was helpful but cautious and quickly picked up on how uncomfortable Victoria was. He filled the silence with off stories about his job that mostly when over Victoria's head but she appreciated the effort.
Once they returned to the caravan, the group was dividing what they found. It wasn't much. Victoria dropped the cocktail in Carl's lap, smirking as he ripped into it with a delighted squeak.
Lori flashed a smile over his head. "Carl."
At his mother's stern tone, the boy eagerly nodded. "Thank you, Detective!"
She winked at the boy, who flushed a brilliant red over a mouthful of syrup.
The survivors choked down their dinner relatively quietly. The mood was sullen but Victoria could see that they were still hopeful.
It must've been contagious, because Victoria felt hopeful too. She wouldn't miss the CDC, if she was being honest. She wouldn't miss the buzzing florescent lights or the sterile smell and she wouldn't miss waiting around for someone to answer her distress beacon - and she definitely wouldn't miss Jenner, fuck that guy.
But as she scampered back into the RV, she realized what she would miss - four sturdy walls separating the her from the infected.
It wasn't long after dinner that the kiddies were put to sleep and the adults huddled around the vehicles.
Victoria sat on the trailer steps, watching as Rick and Shane bickered back and forth by the Jeep.
She hoped they weren't always like that, she felt exhausted just watching them.
"Fort Benning is still on the table." Shane announced over the unhappy murmurs. "It's far. I know. We'll have to stops for supplies and gas on the way but we're out of options."
Rick nodded along but was otherwise silent as the others looked to him for another option.
Shane looked around, his lips pursed. "Fort Benning?"
The survivors muttered their agreements but no one looked pleased by the new plan.
"Alright." Agreed Rick with a heavy sigh. "We leave for Benning tomorrow. Get some sleep, it's gonna be a long drive."
As everyone piled into the RV or choose a car to sleep in, Victoria watched with a strange feeling blossoming in her chest - loneliness, she decided, watching the survivors say goodnight to each other.
"No one is coming for us." She heard Edwin hiss in her ear. "Everyone you've ever loved is dead!"
Clutching her duffel bag to her chest, Victoria furiously shook Jenner's voice out of her head. Fuck him. But the loneliness didn't wilt. Would she always feel like the odd man out?
Victoria shoved her feelings aside and climbed into the passengers seat of Shane's Jeep. Without a word, she dumped her bag in the back before settling into the uncomfortable bucket seat.
"You didn't say anything about Benning." Shane said tersely from the drivers seat.
Victoria stared at the hardtop and debated telling him the truth - Fort Benning was a waste of time and supplies. "It's not my decision to be apart of." She offered him a half-truth instead.
"It sure as shit is." Shane argued. "You're with us now. You get a voice too."
Victoria rolled her eyes. "Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me." She shifted to face him, studying the hard edges of his face.
His eyes were closed but his eyebrows were pinched together, forming a crinkle between the bushes. Victoria couldn't help to wonder if frustration was Shane's default expression.
"You didn't have to come back for me."
"I mean what I said."
"I know. And I'd thank you for it but... I'm not entire sure if I'm grateful yet."
For a moment, Victoria was certain Shane was going to be upset with her lack of gratitude.
"You don't have to be grateful."
Victoria opened her mouth but a beat passed, then another. Whatever she wanted to say died on her lips as watched the troubled man until her eyes closed.
The destruction of Mankind was a sight to behold first hand. It was nothing like idly observing from the underground. The devastation was oddly beautiful, the country scenery was twisted by rotting corpses, turned over cars and the odd animal that passed by - a deer covered in blood and missing patches of fur and skin, like something out of a twisted Bambi.
The survivors, now including Victoria, hit the road early. The decision was made to drop Shane's Jeep for fuel which meant they were stuck in the RV with everyone but Rick and Carols' families.
The silver lining was having a window seat to the apocalypse. Victoria couldn't tear her eyes away. Unlike Andrea, who sat across from Victoria with her back against the window. The blonde woman glared at the table separated the women like it owed her money.
Sometime in the afternoon, Shane dropped a gun cleaning kit on the table and squeezed into the small space beside Victoria. She barely noticed, finding the methodical sound of taking a gun apart comforting.
"Looks complicated." Andrea commented.
"The trick is getting all these pieces back together the same way." Shane replied with a flicker of a grin. "I could clean yours, show you how."
As Shane reached into the duffel bag at his feet, Victoria shifted the straps of her holster with a quiet, but relieved sigh.
She never took off her holster, thank Christ, but she knew it was just a matter of time before the survivors asked for her gun. Only Shane, Rick and Daryl had their weapons.
But that didn't mean she would hand it over without a fight.
Through the reflection, Victoria watched Shane look down the sights of a pistol. "Oh yeah." He appreciated. "It's a sweet piece"
Andrea leaned in, resting her elbows on the table. "It was a gift from my father." She told Shane with obvious longing. "He gave it to me just before Amy and I took off on our road trip. He said two girls on their own should be able to defend themselves."
"Smart man, your father." Shane agreed, popping out the magazine before showing it to Andrea. "So, look, it's a limited capacity, see? Only holds seven rounds."
Victoria wasn't about to compare dick sizes but her M9 held 15 rounds.
"Oh, jeez." Dale grumbled from the front.
Victoria felt the RV come to a stop before she turned around, there was a tipped over 16-wheeler blocking the way. She couldn't believe the luck, they were miles away from the city and only now hitting traffic?
"See a way through?" Dale called out to Daryl as the younger man pulled up on his motorcycle.
The hillbilly squinted over his shoulder and nodded. Revving the engine, Daryl circled back around the 16-wheeler.
"Um, maybe we should just go back." Glenn suggested next to Dale, his head buried in a big map. "There's an interstate bypass-"
"We can't spare the fuel." Dale pressed the camper forward at a snails pace, weaving around whatever trouble Daryl was leading them through.
Victoria considered all the cars passing by and made a sound of disagreement. "This is like, pretty much a post-apocalyptic gas station, right?"
Shane looked back at Victoria, eyebrows raised with surprise.
"We could siphon gas-"
"Now, hang on." Shane interrupted T-dog. "Let's see if we can't find a way through before we start looting."
It was a graveyard, untouched by time. Car doors and trunks were left ajar. Clothes, blankets and everything in between littered the road beneath them. Victoria could see corpses sitting in their cars, still waiting for traffic to pass like any other afternoon.
The RV jolted suddenly, a dark plume of smoke billowing from under the hood as something inside cracked loudly.
"Dude, no way." Victoria complained as they came to a pitiful stop.
Dale groaned, scratching his head over his bucket hat. "It must be that damn radiator hose."
The survivors filed from the cars, gathering around the smoking camper with caution.
"I said it, didn't I say it? A thousand times - dead in the water." Dale complained as Victoria tentatively suck her head out of the RV.
"Problem, Dale?" Shane inquired sarcastically.
"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of-" Before Dale could finish, Daryl started emptying the trunk of the station wagon parked next to them. "Okay." Dale muttered. "That was dumb."
"If you can't find a radiator hose here." Shane began, looking back at Victoria with an affirming nod.
"There'a a whole bunch of stuff we can find." Daryl agreed, enthusiastically looting the trunk.
T-dog grinned. "We can siphon more fuel from these cars, for a start"
"Maybe find some water." Carol added longingly.
"Food!" Glenn chimed in eagerly.
"This is a graveyard." Lori cut them off with an appalled snap.
Everyone turned to the housewife with surprise.
"I don't know how I feel about this." Lori added, turning to her husband for support.
It was a curious moral dilemma. Was it still considered grave robbing if the dead fought back? Victoria didn't think so, the dead weren't using it anymore.
Rick adjusted his hat with a sigh, turning to Shane with a shrug.
"Come'on ya'll." Shane called, spurring everyone into action. "Just look around, gather what you can."
The group dispersed down the road while Dale and Glenn examined the smoking engine. Victoria bit her lip, glancing around the traffic before ducking back into the RV.
They were stopped, blocked in by cars and surrounded by thick, woodsy foliage with nothing to defend themselves - Victoria had a bad feeling, the undead were never far behind.
She returned to the bench and unholstered her gun. It was in pristine condition, the pearl grip even shined when she curled it towards the sunlight. It was originally her work gun, it had seen a lot of usage but she never killed an infected with it - not yet, she supposed.
Andrea ducked into the camper with one hand pressed against the stomach and collapsed across from Victoria again.
Victoria lifted the rap from Shane's cleaning kit and busied herself by wiping down the barrel of her gun. "Doesn't feel right?" She guessed.
Andrea made a face, somewhere between repulsed and anxious, and glare at the leftover project between them. The determined glint in her crystal blue eyes told Victoria that the blonde was looking for a distraction too.
She clucked her tongue as Andrea lifted the frame and the slide.
"What?" Andrea scrutinized the other woman's disapproving frown. "That's not right, is it?"
Victoria offered nothing but a nonchalant shrug.
Andrea dropped the pieces. Her hands hovered over the barrel and the coils, her tongue peaking from the corner of her mouth.
"Mhm" Victoria agreed as Andrea lifted the right pieces.
The blonde stared, puzzled as she twisted the coils around the barrel.
"So." Victoria started, too curious for her own good. "You and Dale."
Andrea huffed, honest to god huffed, as she blew a stray blonde lock from her face. "You and Shane." She shot back. "He's got your back, huh?"
Victoria smacked her lips at Andrea suggestive tone. "That's not-"
"Oh, I'm not judging." She totally was. "Shane's a big, strong man. And do you know who thinks so too?" Andrea glanced up at Victoria as the brunette shook her head. "Lori does." She said with a meaningful look, obviously aware of the Shane and Lori situation. "And that's not a mess you want to get in between."
Victoria leaned back and appraised the woman as she returned to shoving the pieces together like a mismatched jigsaw.
"Although." Andrea continued suddenly. "Maybe you should. It would - HURK!" She was pulled out of her seat and yanked down to the cold vinyl floor. "What the hell-"
Victoria pressed a finger to her own lips, leaning close to Andrea as she murmured. "They're coming."