The Diego Diaries: Zoom (dd7 301)

=0=In a special secured location in The Citadel of The Autobots

Drift reached for the sword that belonged to the Great Lord Primus Himself. It was hung suspended in a gravity field in a niche in a highly secured storage vault in the lowest sub basement of The Citadel. He felt his own spark flutter as he did. When his servo reached the grip and grasped It, the blade flared brightly. Electricity ran the full length of Its glistening silver surface, then It was stilled.

Drift glanced with emotion at Ratchet, then gently pulled It free. It should have crushed him to hold It, this ancient weapon of their past, perhaps the oldest ever made. He turned toward them holding the blade before him and as he did the room shifted. He wasn't here with his comrades. He was in another place altogether.

It was a silvery sandy desert.

^..^

For a moment, those left behind were staring at Drift, then he winked out.

Springer moved forward, reaching into the space where Drift had stood. He glanced at Ratchet. "WHERE IS HE!?"

Ratchet felt rather than understood that all was well. "I believe he's with Primus."

Springer stared at Ratchet, then the empty space before him. It was deeply, deeply silent in the room.

^..^

He glanced around, then noted that the massive sword had shrunken down to a size he could easily manage. The beauty of It, the writing he couldn't understand that ran down Its long blade was still there … It felt sentient to him, whispering into his audials words he couldn't decipher. Then he felt something else nearby.

^..^

Optimus sat back after they laid out their plans to wait for the call to go play. As he did he winked out of sight.

Ironhide who wasn't unaware of what this meant glanced at the others who were startled. "Frag. He's at the Matrix again."

The others would have laughed had they not been so startled.

^..^

Templar walked into the room at the Temple that held the Matrix Flame. Slowing to a startled halt, he noted that the relic was cold. The flame that burned when Prime was among them was out. It was clear that Optimus Prime was in the Matrix. He began to pray with a fluttering spark.

^..^

It was desert every direction as he slowly turned with the sword in his servo. As he did, he noted that Optimus Prime was standing nearby watching him. He startled, then hesitantly began to walk toward him. The air was still and arid, sound was muted but it felt incredibly comforting to be here. He paused in front of Prime. "Optimus? Sensei?" he asked.

Optimus glanced around himself, then at Drift. "You have the sword. I imagined that Prowl and Ratchet would allow you to hold It. It only allows those It considers worthy to do that."

Drift stared at Prime, then the sword and felt emotion rising through him. "I reverence Him. He's intrinsically good and loving. He gave it all up for us. Now I'm holding His sword and I want to cry."

Prime nodded. "We usually think about the sacrifice he made abstractly. He did it without a backward glance after eons of trying to end the threat of His brother all by Himself. He knew that the only way to end Unicron's rampage was to sacrifice Himself. To do that is the highest good, to give yourself up for others. It is the highest form of love."

Drift stared at the blade, then Optimus. "I never thanked you for allowing me to be a part of the Autobots."

"You need not thank me. I thank you for finding your spark and your path forward after a hard dangerous life. We all have the right to redemption. We all have the right to try and try again. It is never either/or, Drift. We get up when we fall short and keep going. At some point it will be possible to live without regret or sorrow. We do that one orn at a time." Optimus glanced around, then looked at Drift. "You have come a long hard road. We are honored to have you back. You were always welcome to come home. Sometimes it takes a while to remember that."

Drift nodded as emotions filled him. "I'm aware that gratitude is one of the highest virtues. I feel it every orn, on every mission doing service for The People. I want to be worthy in the optics of Primus."

Optimus nodded. "You and me both. I would say that gratitude is one of the better virtues. We forget to feel it, this acknowledgment of our interconnectedness and oneness. I am grateful for you being part of the army. I am grateful for you to be a friend and comrade. Our mutual families are enriched for your presence."

He stared at Optimus, someone he'd always misunderstood, noting his strength and self assurance as a mech to express and feel … no, believe utterly in what he said to others without self consciousness or doubt. He glanced at the blade. "Thank you."

Prime nodded. "I have to go. Someone else is here for you." With that, Prime disappeared.

^..^

He blinked into presence to the startlement of everyone in the room.

Ironhide grinned at Prime. "Who yanked you out this time?"

Prime grinned faintly at Ironhide. "Primus Himself."

Everyone stared at Prime, then Raptor smirked slightly. "Did He tell you who'd win?"

^..^

He felt great power behind him and was suddenly afraid to turn around. Slowly, with almost dread, Drift turned to face a mech who was in this iteration slightly taller than him staring at him with amusement. "That is a good sword," he said.

Drift jolted, then held It out. "I'm … uh, I just wanted to … hold It. I'm sorry," he said though he didn't know why.

Primus who was watching him in this smaller aspect chuckled. "Why are you sorry?"

"I don't know. You're a god, the greatest god and my … my hero," he stuttered. "I'm not worthy to hold this," he said as he held It out to Primus.

The grin faded slightly. "Where would you get the idea that you are not worthy to hold this sword or anything else?"

Drift stared at him grasping for words. Primus was as he remembered him, beautiful beyond expression, vast in an unknowable way and real. Everyone knew that Pantheon was real. They lived on the body of their greatest god but here He was before Drift and he felt the usual sense of inadequacy and guilt that always came when he felt pressed to think about his life.

"You think you are not worthy, that I do not care for you because you did this or that thing, because you were not sufficiently observant of something related to me, because you were a Decepticon, tjat you did terrible things, you were never given opportunity to grow and learn and all the rest. Stop Me if I am correct."

Drift stared at him, grasping the blade in his servo tighter in his overwhelming sense of awe. "I … I think that's it. I … I've worked hard to be better, to find a way forward. I have a lot of guilt and I've done terrible things. You're so pure and good. Everything that's good for us, all of us, comes from You."

Primus considered that with a tender expression on His face. "I do not suppose that you include yourself into that 'good'."

Drift shifted on his peds. "I don't. No." He thought a moment. "I work every minute of my life to make that different, to be better."

"You already are. You do not have to be 'better'. You already are. You were so at birth, before birth and you will be after you pass, whenever that happens. Why would you think you must 'do' something?"

Drift considered that. "Aren't we suppose to? Aren't we supposed to come here and get better? To learn things and grow? I think I've grown but-"

"But what? You were created by Me and The One. You were created perfect. Nothing in this drama changed or changes that. Ever. Sometimes you forget that, you and the others. You are perfect to Me. You do not have to 'do' anything but 'be'. I require nothing else from you, nor does The One. You do not 'owe' either of Us anything."

Drift considered that, a main tenet of Circle philosophy, then shifted again. "I feel the need to atone for my actions, to take responsibility and do something about them."

"That is fine. You are."

Drift studied the almost blindingly handsome face of his god. "I don't know how You can sustain what You suffered and still love us. It happened because we didn't love You enough. We weren't grateful enough. We weren't one with you. You're my hero and I try to be like you every orn. I carry your mark here," he said as he raised his arm to show the glyph of Primus and His mark on the inside of his arm closest to his spark. "I want to know that You'll forgive me and allow me to be better."

A rock appeared behind Primus. He sat on it and stared at Drift. "You do not understand the basic nature of All That Is."

Drift stared at him a moment, then nodded. "Please, Master … tell me. I want to know."

Primus nodded. "You do. You must understand that you are eternal whether you are here or in the Matrix. Because you are eternal, you have eternity to learn and grow. Not every moment will be sweet. Not every moment will be sorrowful. You have come a long way. I have always been beside you for your journey and because I am I learn something with every gesture and emotion you proclaim. Because that is so, you do not 'owe' me anything. You do not need to seek my forgiveness nor feel the need to have it. I already give it to you and everyone else if you require it. You are 'better' by choice. If you could see yourself as I see you, you would know that you are already perfect.

"All of you are one with Me and I love ALL of you without conditions. I will never leave you for any reason, nor forsake you, nor judge and condemn you, nor leave your side. It is My promise and eternal pledge to all of you. Even Megatron. I love all of you without conditions, expectation or emotional engagement beyond love and hopefulness. You cannot disappoint me nor cause me pain, nor be left behind or sent to suffer after this life because of what you did because in every minute you are doing the best you can. You are here to learn, I am not separate for you and how can I love perfectly which I wish to do always if I harm or punish you for anything? How can I be love and allow you to be cast out or abandoned?

"You came here to learn. Your path is a long one strewn with sorrows, happiness and decisions that are neither good nor bad," Primus said. "The journey teaches you wisdom. Wisdom leads to understanding and at the end of that is love. Its full circle then, neither 'good' nor 'bad'."

"Just positive and negative then. The Circle taught me that," Drift said as a rock appeared. He glanced at it, then waited.

"Please, sit," Primus said with a chuckle. "Continue."

"Good and evil are value judgments and values change with time along with morality. What was good once won't always be good and what was considered evil will change."

Primus nodded. "Do you have examples?"

Drift considered that. "The caste system was once considered necessary and good for our progress. For a long time it was thought to be so, then it wasn't."

Primus nodded. "Yes. It was once thought so, then things changed. One should think about actions and words in terms of 'is this a negative or a positive thing'? It takes judgment out of the thinking process. Judgment leads to warring self righteous camps and conflict. The other path does not. One can decide to not be negative by not judging themselves against others or through your positive actions. Am I doing something that causes harm? If so, negative things have consequences I might not want to follow. Self awareness, self love, forgiveness and empathy are the way you learn to distinguish between negative and positive things, paths and being. Megatron is not evil. He is negative. There's a fine distinction that some find hard to see in that remark."

"But that would be evil to do so, right? To judge others?" Drift asked.

"Evil as you understand it requires judgment. Judgment happens in the absence of love and the effort to understand another's point of view. It might not suit you, their ideas, but that doesn't make them evil. One person's 'evil' another's 'good'. Good and evil change over centuries and tastes. Consider the Earth. Once slavery was normal. It was not considered evil. In fact, if you were against enslavement of individuals, you were considered 'bad'. Sometimes you were hunted and killed. Yet now, one would be considered 'bad' if you supported the enslavement of others. The Quintessans were many things but they felt their enslavement of you wasn't a 'bad' thing nor evil. It just was."

Drift considered that. "Then my life was negative because the outcomes harmed others. You're also saying that because it was I wasn't 'evil' … just caught up in negativity and thereby unable to be clear about my actions. If someone considered me evil, it would be less likely for them to understand how much I've changed and want to continue."

Primus nodded. "Saying so judges you. I judge no one. You are in a life that required many things of you, some easy, some negative, some delightful and positive. You could still be going down a negative path but you changed, something that pleases Me enormously. You see … watching you live and see how you come back up after reaching the bottom is my greatest joy. Watching you change and become the perfect individual that you really are makes Me the happiest I can feel. I see it a lot among many in a lot of places and I am well pleased.

"My love for you is unconditional, its perfect, its not a negotiable item. It is freely given and when you need Me I will be there. I am always there speaking to you but too many have forgotten how to listen and believe a lot of things about themselves that I never intended for you as perfect creations. You came up from a very deep hole and I am proud of you. I would wish that you could be proud of yourself. It would help you with your ease."

Drift stared at Primus with emotional optics. "That's my feelings for you as well."

"Then you must continue onward to reach your greatest good. Live the life that you were born to live, be the mech you are supposed to be. Live the greatest version of the grandest vision you ever held of yourself. You will get there." He grinned. "My sword would not allow you to hold It if you were the mech you often believe you are. Consider that an affirmation from Me to you."

With that, Primus faded, then the scene did as well. Drift was back in the vault with a huge sword in his grip.

=0=TBC 6-13-2020 edited 6-14-2020