Chapter 08
Spring, the season when everything dead comes back to life. When everything takes on color: green, yellow, blue… so many colors, so beautiful colors. Yeah, Spring is the time of the year when all the flowers blossom, and one particular flower is blooming beautifully in Lena's heart… her 1st love.
Did she plan for it? Definitely No. Did she wish for it? Maybe, because who doesn't yearn for love? Real love. The kind of love which makes you smile like a fool without reasons. The kind of love which makes you feel invincible and fragile at the same time. The kind of love you didn't know you needed it, but, once it hits you, you have no idea how you lived all this long without it.
Yeah, love can be so many things, but if you ask Lena. Love is defined by one simple word: Kara. And, as beautiful as it's to have this feeling, Lena is determined to kill it. To smash the butterflies because she cannot fall for Kara, she just can't. Their situation is already complicated to add feelings into the mix. They don't need more drama in their lives, and that's why Lena makes all what is humanly possible in her to stop falling in love with the blonde. But, it's that even possible?
Lena's conviction is tested one day when Kara boldly says that she's very horny. The dear CEO almost chokes when she hears her.
"Lena, I need your help"
"My help?!"
Lena becomes completely red, she has no idea how she's supposed to help or better say, she's not sure how Kara expects her to help with such a thing. They have read that hormones can go crazy in a period of the pregnancy, but, helping a horny, pregnant Kara wasn't in any book that Lena has read about the pregnancy. Her heart beats so fast when dirty thoughts run in her mind. Lena strongly shakes her head, trying to clean her mind about such naugthy thoughts.
"Lena, I…"
"You need a doctor! Yeah, let's go to the doctor!"
The dear CEO hopes that the doctor might have a miraculous cure that could help Kara. But, going to the doctor is not what Kara has in mind. The blonde takes a deep breath and with the eyes closed, she yells what she thinks might appease her horny hormones.
"Lena, I need chocolate! Give me chocolate!"
"Huh?!"
Kara explains how she read in an article that eating chocolate can produce some endorphins in the brain which cause pleasure.
"Oh, so, you want me to look for chocolate…"
"Yeah… you look disappointed. Why?"
"Huh?!"
Lena's cheek gets red again under such a comment of the blonde. Was she really expecting to help Kara in another way? Before she could get an answer to that question, she gets out of the house, and occupies her mind on buying all the chocolates she can find.
The chocolate really helped Kara, but it didn't help Lena at all because hearing Kara, moaning, each time she tasted a new flavour was making Lena insane. Hearing Kara moan in pleasure is the last thing that Lena needs right now, and maybe that's why she goes directly to the office. Trying to occupy her mind with work and erase Kara from her mind.
Burying herself in work, it has always worked for Lena. But, somehow, spending so much time at work, it doesn't make her happy anymore. She longs for being at home and with Kara. Spending most of her day at the office, it feels empty now, and Lena groans, frustrated because she doesn't find a way to walk away from her own feelings.
Her heart craves for Kara, just as much as Kara craves for food. And, there's nothing she can do about it. Especially because sooner or later, she will go home and Kara will be there. Does this mean that maybe she shouldn't live with Kara? Maybe if she doesn't see the girl every day, these feelings will fade, but the simple idea of not having Kara in her home, it makes her sick.
"No! There must be another way!"
Lena is capable of doing anything, that's what the entire world always says, so she needs to prove it now. She needs to stop these feelings to keep blooming. She will not stop living with Kara, but, she will need to put a certain distance between them, she needs to stop constantly worrying about the blonde. She must focus just on the baby and not on the person who's carrying it. That's what Lena plans to do, and her plan might have worked but, it didn't because after all, Kara is Kara, the sun in the grey days. The bubble smile that Lena can't wait to see each morning when she wakes up. And, the sweet girl who's carrying her child. A child she's not sure she will keep till one night...
"Lena! Lena! Come here!"
The dear CEO runs in the middle of the night when Kara yells, asking for her. With fear written in her expression, Lena lets herself into the bedroom she arranged for Kara.
"Kara, what's wrong? What…?"
The blonde doesn't reply, she simply grabs Lena's hand and softly puts it over her belly. Lena frowns, not sure what is happening till she feels it too… the first kicking of the baby.
"OMG! The baby is kicking! Kara, he's kicking! Strongly kicking!"
"Yeah, and, I'm sure that if you talk to him. He will kick more…"
Lena hesitates, but in the end, she gets closer and starts to speak to the baby. Kara was right, the baby reacts to Lena's voice and, both girls look amazed about how the baby might understand them.
"He might become a genius just like you, Lena…"
Lena smiles, she starts to talk about how the Universe works, about galaxies, about the big questions that any human asks itself about the Universe. And, then, they get to the most important question of them all…
"What will happen when this baby is born, Lena? What do you want to do?"
Kara honestly asks because she knows what she wants. She wants to be part of this baby's life. Because she loves him, she loves him so much. But, she will not force Lena to be part of their lives either. So, she asks the Luthor what she wants. What she yearns for. And, just like that, the question she wasn't sure how to answer, it becomes the easier question to answer because…
"I want to hold this baby. I want to teach him about how the Universe works. I want to see his eyes glow of fascination each time he learns something new…"
Kara smiles under the sweet answer of the dear CEO. She can already picture it in her mind, the beautiful baby in the arms of Lena, as the dear CEO tries to explain to him the most complex theorems of the World. The blonde chuckles under such a beautiful picture, and, she nods, admitting she wants the same.
Lena smiles, she hugs the blonde, so strongly that Kara gets the need to pee. But, it's okay because now they know what they want. Or, at least a piece of the puzzle is already settled.
Time flies and before knowing it. They are in the last trimester of the pregnancy. Kara's belly is huge, the blonde struggles to find a good position to sleep each time because her back hurts, her feet hurt, all hurts. But, miraculously when Kara sleeps in Lena's bed, nothing hurts and the blonde is finally able to rest. That's why they started to sleep in the same bed. And, obviously the distance that Lena wanted to create between them becomes nothing as soon as Kara moved into her room.
Lena never thought that there would come a day she would be willing to share her personal space with someone else. But, she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit how much she loves to have Kara at her side each night, each morning when she wakes up. The blonde is a hugging person, and somehow Lena has become her favorite Teddy bear to hold under her sleep and the dear CEO doesn't complain, but, she can't sleep well either because her heart raises to the sky each time she feels Kara's body pressed against her. Their new sleeping arrangement, it's not the only change because now the impeccable Zen apartment of the dear Luthor looks more like a toy store.
It's very probable that Lena went too far with the shopping for the baby. But, it's so hard to choose what will be the perfect crib, the perfect stroller that before knowing it, Kara found Lena buying the entire store they visited in their 1st day of shopping.
"God! This baby will be so spoiled…"
Lena chuckles under the comment from the blonde. She might be right, thinking about it... between Kara's taste in food and Lena buying stores of toys for him. This baby might be the most spoiled child in the history of humanity. Thinking about what will be raising this kid together, once again, Lena's heart craves for something more, for the feeling that Lena has tried to keep down for months.
And, as much as Lena wants to deny she doesn't have feelings anymore for Kara, such an idea is thrown out of the window the day of Ruby's birthday party. Lena was planning to go alone, but Sam insisted that she should bring Kara. The CEO didn't want to come with Kara, she didn't want to look like a couple even if deep down, she wished they would be one of those happy couples you see in romantic movies. Lena deeply sighs, she shouldn't think about that and that's why Lena thinks that going to the party with Kara is not a good idea, but Sam was right in one thing, Kara hasn't really socialized with other people besides Lena.
And, even if Lena would love to keep Kara all to herself, she wanted to give the chance to Kara to talk with other people. The blonde was thrilled with the invitation to the birthday party. And, she got happier when she saw all the sweet things that Sam was offering.
Lena chuckles when she sees Kara chasing the candies as all the kids in the party. The CEO was apprehensive about bringing Kara to the party, but, when she notices the happy smile of the blonde who cannot stop playing with the kids, Lena realizes she did the right thing in bringing her.
"She's lovely, Lena…"
Lena nods, she doesn't need to hear from others how amazing Kara is, she knows it, her heart has known it for months. And, maybe that's why it's so hard to kill these feelings she has for her. Lena is not ready to face how strong is her love for Kara, just as Kara is not ready to face someone from her past...
"Alex…"
"Kara…"
Both women freeze in front of each other. They can look different to people now, but they will always be able to recognize each other no matter what. Kara unplugs herself from reality for a second. Her mind is far away as Alex tries to talk to her. From the distance, Lena watches how this woman tries to touch Kara's arm and a strong feeling of jealousy overwhelms her senses.
Lena rushes towards them, ignoring who this woman is till Sam approaches too. Kara wondered what the hell Alex is doing here, but she gets her answer when Sam introduces Alex as her girlfriend. Sam didn't know about their history, but Lena definitely recognized the last name: Danvers, from the file she got about Kara's past.
Danvers, the family who welcomed Kara, the people who opened their doors to an orphan as Kara with promises of love and a happy life, just to kick Kara out of their home some years later and throw her to the streets, to the cold world without hesitation. The CEO doesn't know how everything happens, she just knows that what happened back then, it hurt Kara deeply and that's enough to make Lena angry.
Lena's rage goes to the sky, one part of her wants to punch Alex in the face, but, when Kara strongly grips on her arms, the dear Luthor understands that what Kara needs right now it's to leave as fast as possible from here…
"Sam, we cannot stay. I'm sorry…"
"What? Why? Lena, what is wrong?"
Lena doesn't want to explain any detail about Kara's past, it's not to her to share such things, it's also Ruby's birthday and she doesn't want to make a scene. She just holds Kara and walks away from the party.
"Wait!"
Alex tries to go after them. There are so many things she needs to talk to Kara. So many errors she needs to make right, but, a protective Lena doesn't let her get close to the blonde. With a lethal gaze, Lena makes Alex step back. The oldest Danvers wants to push her chances, but Lena will not let her get any closer to Kara. Ready to fight, Lena is like a lion, just waiting for the moment to show her claws and kill the threat. But, conflict is not what Kara wants...
"Lena, please. Let's just go home…"
It's the first time that Kara calls Lena's place 'home'. It makes Lena smile and gives her more reasons to look protective towards the blonde. Ignoring Alex, Lena drives them home, and, once they're inside, she holds Kara in her arms when the blonde bursts in tears. Seeing Alex, it brought back painful memories, it opened old wounds, and, more than anything, right now all that Kara needs it's a safe place, a place for her, and that place is Lena...
"It's okay, Kara. You're safe. You're home. This is your home, Kara… I'm your home..."
Kara grips Lena, because for the first time in years, she finally has a place… a person... she can call 'home'.