Chapter 09
What if we don't live forever or long enough to feel like we really lived? What is life without really trying and doing all you ever wanted? Most people dream with power & money while few people like Kara dream with the greatest emotion in the world. The one that everyone talks about but just a few lucky ones have really the opportunity to feel it. Yeah, there's nothing Kara yearns for, more than love.
Love, a word so simple and yet so complicated. Kara has read about it in so many poems, in so many novels. She can recite the most beautiful verses about love, but those words feel empty when her heart has never really had a real glance of such patient and kind feeling as romantic love. Seeing it in movies, on tv; it's not the same as seeing it first-hand. And, Kara wonders if she will ever be able to feel it, to touch it, even if it's just for a fraction of a second.
But what this blonde overlooks it's that love is closer than what she thinks. Love is there, around her. Love is constantly looking after her. Always checking if she's okay. Always looking at her through the most beautiful green eyes that the world has ever seen.
"Lena, why are you staring at me so much? Did I get something between my teeth again?!"
The raven-haired woman didn't mean to stare too long, but she cannot look in another direction even when Kara tries to polish her teeth with her finger.
It's the most disgusting thing that the brunette has ever seen in her life and yet, she cannot stop looking at it. It must be love.
Yeah, love is in Kara's life even if she's not able to notice it. Because Lena loves her, she loves her as she has never loved anyone else in her entire life before.
Meeting was an act of fate but falling in love was a choice. A choice that Lena would make over and over without hesitation because she has never felt more complete, more strong and fragile at the same time. It's scary but also thrilling because she has always been curious to discover all the things the world has to offer, but love was never one of them.
Discovering what real love feels like, it was never part of the plan. Always driven by logic, Lena never dreamed neither long for love and yet, here she's. In love. How did that happen? Because in the matters of the heart, the raven-haired woman has always been like a closed book till the sunshine known as Kara Danvers waltzed its way in her home, in her heart.
The blonde arrived in her life, opening a new chapter in Lena's life. A chapter filled with color, joy, rainbows and the most corny selection of iconic movies. Yeah, Lena has already lost count on how many romantic comedies she has seen since Kara moved in. She has never seen as much TV as now, but, to be honest, her eyes linger more on Kara than on what is happening on the screen.
"Look, look! This is my favorite scene!"
Lena doesn't pay attention to what is happening on the monitor, she only has eyes for the happy smile which is forming in Kara's lips. How can a smile bring so much happiness to her heart? Lena wonders. And beyond finding the answer to her question, her brain focuses on the lips.
Oh, those lips. So pink, so tender, so soft. The idea of touching them, to melt in them, brings color to Lena's pale cheeks, so much color than for a second Kara wonders if she's getting sick.
"You're not getting a cold, right?"
Lena shakes her head, she doesn't think the raise of her temperature is due to any germ which might be in the air. It's because Kara is getting cozy, cuddling and leaning her head over Lena, completely unaware of what her touch is doing to the other woman.
A part of Lena is panicking, ready to run away as far as possible from the closeness, but another part of her brain is endorsing the closeness because it feels good, so damn good that Lena decides to bury her fears and insecurities in her tiny boxes so she can just focuses on how perfectly Kara's head fits against her shoulder. The perfect fit, Lena thinks, wondering too if the blonde would ever think the same?
And to be honest, the blonde is not indifferent to the dear Luthor. From the first time their eyes met, Kara saw the beauty in Lena, a beauty which doesn't just stay on the outside. The CEO also has a beautiful soul. Hidden between big icy walls to protect herself, Kara has been able to melt those walls and see what's inside: a pure heart. A heart so kind, so perfect that Kara would love to just hold it tight, protect it and never let it go, but she can't. She doesn't allow herself to even touch it. Why?
Well, Kara is not the kind of person who likes to rely on people. Time after time, life has always shown her that she shouldn't get attached to others if she doesn't want to suffer. All she touches, all she cares about sooner than later ends badly. And the last wish of the blonde is to be a reason to bring any kind of misfortune to Lena. No, the brunette doesn't deserve to end up like Clark or Lex. She deserves the world! So, she should walk away from Lena's life before something bad happens, that's what Kara tells to herself, and yet, she cannot stop glueing herself to Lena like a sticker.
She never saw herself as a clingy person but Lena makes her feel so safe, so happy that she wants to cling to the dear Luthor as if her life depended on it even if she's sure that the raven-haired woman would be better without her.
All the loss, the sorrow, the guilt for the Death of those she loved so much. It blinds Kara to see what is in front of her, it paralyzes her to dream with more than this. But, if she could just open her heart and see how Lena looks at her. If she could just notice the devotion the dear Luthor has towards her, maybe she would feel less scared to take what she deeply wants.
But, opening the heart to someone, let someone in. It's something neither of them is comfortable doing and maybe that's why they are side by side, together but feeling as lonely as they did before they met.
These two are not ready to deal with their feelings and do something about it. They need a little push, a push which will be made by…
"Alex?!"
Kara opens the door and the last thing she was expecting to see there in front of her, it was her step sister.
Alex Danvers has always been a badass girl but somehow, she doesn't look so scary now that she stands in front of her little sister. Her little sister is far gone, Kara is a grown woman now, but, in front of Alex's eyes, all she can see is the little blonde who always followed her everywhere. A girl that she had spent so many years looking for her and now she's here. In front of her, without being able to figure out what should be the first thing to say.
"Can I come in?"
"How did you find me?"
It's not exactly the welcome Alex wanted but she understands where that comes from. If she was Kara, she would act the same way or worse. Kara has all the rights to be defensive towards her. Alex understands that but what she doesn't understand is why the moment Lena notices her, she goes to the defensive too.
"How dare you come here?!"
The dear CEO transforms into a protective lion, Kara tries to calm her down but she can't. The brunette feels over-sensitive when it comes to protecting the pregnant blonde, and she's more than ready to kick Alex from her building and fire whoever allows her to come this close to them. That's what she yells till the person involved finally steps in, too.
"Lena, please. Let her talk…"
"Sam…?! What… no… wait, you brought her here?!"
Sam gulps hard, she knows she crossed a line. Lena is not the kind of person who forgives these kinds of things, she knows what it's at stake here. But, she opened her heart to Alex and she's all in to help her on her request to make amends, even if that means she might have to go against Lena's will.
"Lena, please, you…"
"You're fired, Sam."
"Lena!" Kara scolds the dear Luthor but Lena doesn't change her mind, she angrily pouts and refuses to change her mind. Sam was supposed to be her right hand, the one she could trust no matter what. But, how can she trust in her when she brings to her home this kind of unexpected guest?
"Please, do not put this on Sam. She was just trying to help me! She…"
"She doesn't have my trust anymore. I cannot work with someone I don't trust…"
Sam gulps hard, it's hard to hear. Painful even but she doesn't regret her choices because after all Kara needs to hear what Alex has to say. It's not just for the well-being of Alex, for what Sam knows by now about their story, she's sure that Kara has too an open wound. And, that's why she refuses to leave, just like that.
"Fine, fire me if you want, Lena. But, we're not moving from here till Alex gets the chance to talk with her sister…"
Lena angrily groans, she was ready to call her security team, even the police if it was necessary but before she could hold her phone, Kara grabs her arm and stops her. The blonde doesn't want to make more problems.
"Kara, you don't have to talk with her, you…"
"I'm done running, Lena. Besides, I'm not doing this alone…"
The blonde slowly reaches for Lena's hand and gets reassurance when Lena strongly holds her hand because she remembers very well the promise they did about facing their demons, their fears together.
It was easier to say than done, neither of them was used to lean on someone, depending on someone for support and maybe that's why it's too terrifying for them to admit the feelings they have for each other. Lena knows she loves but she's not ready to say it out loud and Kara… oh, our dear Kara is so sure that everything she touches, everything she loves is cursed to die that she doesn't dare to admit, not even to herself that she loves Lena, maybe more than what she could imagine.
But what Kara really needs to understand is that who lives, who dies, we don't decide any of that, it's out of our hands just like when love appears in our lives. And yet, Kara can't see how much love is standing in front of her.
Still feeling responsible for some losses. The guilt, the grief, the loneliness. Kara knows those feelings too well. And maybe that's why she finds it so hard to open her heart to new warm emotions like those that Lena creates in her heart. Even then, there's no stronger and stubborn feeling than Love. So, no matter how much Kara will try to ignore it, to shut it down. Love will rise, Love will not stop holding her hand because Love is home, love has two beautiful green eyes, Love has a new name: Lena.