The Diego Diaries: Matrix (dd7 332)
If this was posted on Monday it was because I was at a Cajun barbecue at my brother's house. His wife's family came up from Louisiana and brought the food. OMG. Its late and if this isn't out tonight, I'll finish it for tomorrow and try to post Monday's as well. HUGS, Y'ALL! ;)
=0=There
"Hello, grandson," he said before Optimus walked into his arms.
Optimus felt his spark fill with a longing and love that he could scarcely contain. He clung to his appa, the father of his father, then stepped back to take him in. "I have missed you all my life."
Sirius squeezed Prime's arms. "Everywhere you go, I am with you. Every spark everywhere always has someone with them and I am there for you. The others … they are so proud of you and they come and go. But for me, I am always here."
"I wish you could see the children with me. I want to watch you see them. Do you know?" Prime asked.
"I do. I see you with them. Your fatherly instincts are so wonderful. I am proud of you, you are such a wonderful mech," Sirius said.
"Where is Amma and Ada's genitors?" Optimus asked.
"They are here. I am here for you," Sirius said. He was a big mech, a big frame on the lines of Optimus himself. It was easy to see where he and his genitors came from because the others were as big as Sirius. "This part of what is happening here is for you alone. Your confidence and the burden you bear has been heavy and for you and me, it is a shared thing, Orion. You do not have to carry the load alone."
"It is my job to be the leader of all our people. The threat is still there," Optimus said. "I cannot make mistakes."
"You cannot lead without confidence. Do you ever just look at the colony and Cybertron? Do you just take a moment to see what has been done under your leadership? Only you could inspire the effort and participation that has occurred to bring this back to life. There have been many primes and many leaders both good and bad. All that many could create was the destruction of our world and our people. You have been the exception to the rule. I am proud of you, Orion. I wish you could understand what you have wrought and what it means to everyone on both sides of the dimensional divide."
Prime vented a sigh. "It has been such a long journey. I have missed all of you so much. Every time my children excel, when they do something beautiful or play I think about you holding them and them benefiting from your love and wisdom. I feel so much pain sometimes when I see them without you."
Sirius drew him back in his arms. "You will always have me beside you. I am there. You may not see me but I am there. Look for me and you will see." They held each other, then Sirius stepped back. "Walk with me." He began to walk down the sidewalk of the street that passed by his childhood home. No one was about but them. "The apartments are going to be a museum. I am glad. They should know what you overcame to become the mech you are."
"I became the mech I am because of you and the others … Ada and Atar. You were everything to me. I do not believe I would understand the meaning and depth of love without you." Prime crossed the street with him. "I remember just looking at all of you made everything that was bad bearable."
Sirius grinned at him. "I felt the same way with you. I regret that we only had one child. You deserved to have siblings. You deserved to share your life with siblings."
"I would not be sure I could have protected a sibling. I could not save you and Amma. Both of you and Justus and Curio … I could not save you and I tried."
"We know, Orion," Sirius said as he glanced at his grandson. "We did not feel anything when the end came. It was too fast. We left our bodies before the destruction hit. The One is merciful and made it happen. Suffering that doesn't have a point is passed over."
"I have missed you forever," Optimus said as he slowed. A deep feeling of loss and pain swept over him as he halted on the street. "I have learned to bear it. We all have. But the life you gave me, the things you did not do to give things to me … I wish you could know my gratitude and the magnitude of my love."
Sirius turned to him. "We know."
Optimus stared at him. "I wish they could come, all three of them. I wish I could look into your optics and tell you how much I love all of you. Somehow, if I can see your faces, if I can look into your optics, I can live with this better. It sounds stupid-"
"No. This has been a terrible ordeal for all of us. You have to continue but understand, Orion … you are never alone. We are here with you. We are beside, behind and in front of you. We are proud of you, Orion. No one could do what you do. No one." Sirius considered his grandson. "Come. Let us go to the corner cafe." He walked on.
Optimus followed.
The sky was blue and the air warm. The city was silent as they continued onward. Crossing the street again, the cafe was in sight. Sitting on chairs around a table, the stars of Orion Pax's personal pantheon stood to watch both Sirius and him approach. As he did, he nearly stumbled with surprise. Standing around the table watching him were his two Ammas and his other Appa, Curio, Falcon and Justus.
A sensation of intense pain garbled with joy suffused him as he hurried toward the group. Grabbing his Amma Curio, he gripped the big mech tightly. He felt their warmth, their delight and the unconditional quiet love that they gave to him constantly. He swayed in Curio's arms, then turned to the others. "You are here. You are here now. I missed you. I love you."
"We love you back. We know you need us and we are here," Falcon said. He hugged his grandson tightly. "We are so proud of you, Kestrel and Tagg. All of us are."
"I missed you so much," Optimus said as he hugged Falcon. "All of you. You are the best part of me. I owe you everything."
"You owe us nothing, Orion. You were always a good mech," Falcon said as Justus stepped up to hug him.
They held each other, the big quiet Appa who loved him, who was the atar of Kestrel, his own ada.
"Why do we not sit down and talk to each other. We can help you, Orion, to feel better," Falcon said.
They sat down in the chairs on a street that was empty. The neighborhood was as poor and neglected as Prime remembered but it didn't matter to him at the moment. He was sitting with four of the six most important individuals he had ever met. They were his rock and protectors, six mechs including his genitors that had steered him down the right path and protected him all his life.
"Your children are a miracle. I love them so," Falcon said.
"I would love for you to meet them and hold them," Optimus said.
"We visit them all the time. We see them and sometimes they see us. Ask them, Orion. They will tell you," Curio said.
The others nodded.
"We are here to tell you this so that when things go wrong you can know that your feelings are shared by us as well. We are there to comfort you, to be there when you have to do hard things," Curio said. "The path before you has been very hard and you have been the rock upon which our people stand. The planets, the decisions you made involving that and other things … we know they are hard but you can make them. You are strong and good."
"I have been troubled by many things and when I am I think of you," Optimus said.
"We know," Justus replied. "You have a splendid family and friends. There are millions who follow your wise counsel and leadership. More trials are ahead for the miscreants that have harmed The People but the Pantheon will be there with you. Never feel that you are alone. You will never be, have never been nor ever will be alone."
He stared at them, looking from one face to the other, staring into the loving optics of his family. "I am grateful to you. You are my heroes. You ever were and ever will be so."
They stared at him with intense love on their faces, then faded slowly away.
Optimus watched them fade, then stood nearly upending the now empty table and chairs. He glanced around with frantic emotion, then gripped his servos tightly. "NO!" he cried out. It echoed off the walls but nothing changed from what it was. "NO!" he cried again. "COME BACK!"
He stood at the table staring at the sky, the blue sky that had been part of his life until the war destroyed even that link. Then he felt someone behind him. He spun, then stared. A mech was there, tall and handsome, old fashioned in his scheme but bearing a wise and brave aura.
He stared at Optimus with sympathy, then walked toward him. He righted the chairs, then turned to Prime. "Hello, Optimus. Please … do not be sorrowful. They are here even if you cannot see them. We all are. You bear the Matrix. You carry us with you always. Even me."
Optimus stared at the mech around almost unbearable pain, then he gathered himself. "Guardian Prime," he said.
The big mech nodded. "Yes," he replied. "Do you wish to sit or walk?"
Optimus glanced around the street hoping with an intensity that felt like a sharp pain for the vain hope his grandparents were somewhere nearby. They weren't so he turned toward Guardian. "Yes. Walk."
Guardian gestured to the sidewalk.
Optimus walked toward him and together they continued down the block. It was silent a moment, then Guardian glanced at him. "Heavy is the helm that bears the crown."
Optimus glanced at him. "Yes."
They continued.
"I was the first one, Optimus, to bear the Matrix and try to save The People. Few know of me nor remember me. But I gave it my all as have you. It takes a lot away from you, doing this. But we do it for the greater good. You are alone among us the lucky one. You have a good bond and children. You have had the biggest hardest job but you have been the most successful. I am proud of you."
Optimus slowed, then stopped. He stared at the big mech, the first beyond Prima of the line of Primes. "There is only love for you. You are remembered. You did the best you had with the hand you held. On your shoulders do all of us stand."
"And that is how it is, Optimus Prime. You play the hand you have. That is all you can do. You mustn't be so hard on yourself nor must you worry about them. They are loved and protected. Sirius never leaves you and the others stay with your genitors. All of them see you and your family. They make sure that everyone knows what a fine mech you are. Nothing can break the bonds of love. I never had a family. I was never a part of one. I was born of the Well and have no genitors nor siblings. I always wondered when I was alive if anyone would mourn me if I died."
"I do," Prime said. He stared at Guardian. "I do and many others."
"I am pleased then. It can be a lonely life being a Prime but it is in your hands to make it different and better. You have. You will continue, your line through your children and the hard won achievements of your efforts. We all tried, most of us, to do something. Some of us failed spectacularly. Some of us were flat out criminals. I, myself tried to make the Primes something good, blazing the trail for all to follow. I did my best. It was all I could do. You must do the same. Make the best decisions, do the best you can and hang the rest of it. I am proud of you. We all are. Now you must continue. Remember, you will never go down that road alone." With that, Guardian Prime faded away.
Prime stared at the space where he stood bereft at the loss. Then he turned around and saw someone else, someone youthful and yet not. He bowed.
"Hello, Optimus," the figure said.
"I am honored to see you again," Optimus said. "I am … discomforted at the moment but Your presence makes me feel better."
The youthful figure grinned. "Then I am happy," he replied. "You and I are bound together, each of us helping the other. I will tell you now about things you need to know. Some of them you will remember when you return to Mars and some you will not until you need to. All of it will remain with Me, words to whisper to you as ever between us, you the Matrix Bearer and I, the Matrix," he said.
=0=TBC 7-19-2020