Der Mensch kann tun was er will; er kann aber nicht wollen was er will.
Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.
~ On The Freedom of the Will, Arthur Schopenhauer
There was one thing about surfers, they spent a lot of time out at sea. It seems obvious, but more than that, they were immersed on the tempestuous waters hours and hours, day after day. They became a part of it, they began to assume some of their characteristics. The ebb and flow of tides, the explosion of emotions, the unbendable desire, the lack of control.
Aria Kersey was not completely sure when the beginning of the end of her relationship had started. Maybe he got bored, maybe she was a Summer distraction that went on for too long for him or maybe he never really loved her at all.
Either way, could she really be mad at him? She should have seen it coming, she just was not enough for him. Not like those other girls were, anyway. She wonders which one he prefers, whether is the homebred townies or the adventurous tourists. She wonders what she is in that dichotomy.
The broadwalk was sparsely occupied. Fall was fast approaching, and there were not many tourists around to enjoy the sunset as she does, while her milkshake slowly melts on her hand, as she does not drink from it.
The paved walk by the sand might be rather empty, but Aria was making that small, concrete bench, just under a coconut grove, her private space. Every afternoon, for weeks now, she sat there to watch the sunset and have some milkshake. It was a ritual she enjoyed.
Recently, it has been a different. She waits there for the courage to erupt on her heart, if not for the abject shame. She waits for someone to arrive. She sits there ever since she saw her boyfriend bedding another woman behind the dressing rooms.
A body sits next to hers on the bench, their legs touching. She turns her head and her eyes met his.
"I've been waiting a long time." She said coolly, crossing her legs as she watched him slump into the sofa opposite.
He ran a hand through his blond, dry hair, refusing to look at her for longer than absolutely necessary. "Lifeguarding errands kept me." He mumbled.
"I'm not that stupid, Nate." She chuckles bitterly. "It's night time already. There isn't anyone in the water."
"What are you even talking about, Aria?" The young man said, a complete placidity apparent on his eyes, blue like the cove sea, but she knew him well, and as it was often the case these days, he was lying.
"Sometimes, being a quiet person comes in handy. No-one takes notice of you; they talk within your earshot. You get to see things, hear things… And you certainly know how to find things out." Aria breathed slowly, trying to keep her voice steady as her body trembled.
"Aria, you don't know anything!" He snapped; his sapphire eyes set ablaze, like Greek Fire.
She winced, still not used to the sudden bursts of emotion that worsen as the days went by. He had been practically bipolar for the last month.
The dyed hair girl set her back straight. "Oh, you're right."
"What?" He blinked, his expression dropping to complete confusion.
"It must have so hard for you, having to sneak around without me noticing." She said, putting a hand on her chest as she tried for a simper. "I've never tried any of that, so I really don't really know either way."
He frowns pronouncedly. "For Christ's sake, can't you just have a conversation like an adult?! Stop making accusations and hear yourself. You're sounding like a crazy woman."
"Fine! Let's talk then, shall we? How about we talk how you led me on? How you lied to me? How you made me a promise, how you let me uproot my life to come live here with you, and then you break it?" She wonders, captiously, with her voice rising as her heart thumped in her chest.
"Aria…"
"You are not in love with me." The young girl laughed hysterically, shaking her head as the tears finally slipped from her eyes. "You never were in love with me, were you? What was this all about, Nate? A game?"
"Aria, listen to me…"
She marched over to him, grabbing him by the collar of his sleeveless shirt as she searched on his tanned face for the Nate she thought she knew. He glared at his girlfriend as her dull eyes scanned him for any reminisce that it was not true, that he cared, that he had not hurt her, and that what she has seen was just not real.
Yet, no matter how much Aria looks, she could not find any, and so she accepts it for what it was.
She did all she could, and she shoved him away. He did not want her, and he probably never had. It was only a matter of time until she realised. Or at least, until she found out.
Her hand fell limp to his chest, his heart beating wildly. His cheeks were flushed and he was scowling. She did not want to look at him anymore.
"This is it, Nate." She whispers to the wind. "We're done. I'm done."
The pink-haired girl stands up and runs away, as fast as she could, towards her family's beach house. She walks in and shuts the door, dropping to her knees and letting the tears fall freely through her face.
He does not come after her.
As she curls herself on the cold, hardwood floor of the foyer, wailing at an empty home, she allows herself the night to mourn. In the morning, she would gather the pieces of her life together and will try to re-build her life back up. Tonight, she cries, tomorrow, she has much to pack up.