A/N: Me again! It looks like I won't be going back to work until at least early July. I guess this could be considered 'good' news for this fanfic as it means I will be able to continue updating on a regular basis but on the other hand I kind of just want all of the real life craziness to be over *cries*. Also, the other day I read about Christopher Meloni's return to the franchise and did anyone else find themselves tearing up just a tiny bit? Although it sounds like he won't actually become a regular on SVU anytime soon I guess we're just that much closer to that happening right?! Anyway, enough waffling, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and drop me a line to let me know what you think. Thanks! xxx
"MAMA!" Olivia and Elliot both shot up in bed after being awoken so abruptly and briefly gave each other bewildered looks before Olivia decided to jump into action.
Wrapping her bathrobe around herself tightly she went to leave the room but was stopped by Elliot who whispered across the room to her. "Want me to go to her? You have to deal with this all the time. I'm here once, maybe twice a week. I'm sure losing one nights sleep won't kill me."
Olivia contemplated his words very carefully but came to her decision quickly. "No. She's my responsibility. You get some sleep. I'm not working tomorrow." And with that, she hurried out of her bedroom in order to tend to her frightened child.
The sight that greeted her when she got to Maria's room broke her heart. The little girl was sat up with her legs tangled in her obviously wet bedsheets, openly sobbing like only a child could. As soon as she saw Olivia enter the room, she raised her arms signalling that she was desperately in need of comfort. Liv promptly went over to the bed and lifted Maria into her arms, holding her close to her body. She didn't even care that the pink pyjamas she was wearing had been soiled.
"Shhh. It's ok. Mommy's here. Don't be scared, it was just a bad dream." She shifted Maria into one arm and used the other hand to remove the bed sheets from the mattress. She left them in a pile at the end of the bed – they could wait until morning, Liv decided. The detective then went over to the chest of drawers in the corner of the room and picked out fresh pyjamas before heading to the bathroom.
"I was so afraid. I was locked in that room again and Richard and his friends came in and they..." Maria tried to describe her dream as best she could through her tears.
"Shhh. Try not to think about it. None of those men can hurt you ever again. Richard is going to be in jail for a very long time, remember?" Olivia tried to lower Maria to the bathroom floor but the girl whined and clung onto her tighter. "Baby, we have to get you cleaned up. You can't sleep in your wet pjs." The mother pointed out, trying to remain patient. Not only had Maria continued to have nightmares constantly, she also had become extremely clingy ever since the trial. Sometimes Liv couldn't help but get a little bit frustrated from the whole thing.
"No! I don't want to go to sleep. He'll get me!" Maria insisted and Olivia made the hard decision of forcing the child onto her feet. "NO! HOLD ME MAMA!" The five year old screeched as she slapped at Olivia's forearms to try and get her to pick her back up.
At the physical 'attack', Olivia gently but firmly grabbed hold of Maria's arms and crouched down in front of her to prevent her from lashing out. Maria struggled to get free but Olivia didn't let go and instead shook her just a little to get her attention. "Maria, stop it right now. We do not hit people, do you understand?"
Maria hiccuped softly and sniffed as she gazed into her mothers eyes sadly. "I'm sorry, Mama."
Liv ran her fingers through the girls brown silky locks. "I know you didn't mean it, Sweetie and I forgive you."
Maria dove into Olivia's arms, knocking her for six. The elder of the two sighed softly and wrapped her arms around her little girl, her eyes closed tightly.
"I'm sorry I peed the bed too." Maria mumbled into Olivia's neck before pulling back.
"Don't you worry about that, Kiddo. That's why I brought you in here. We're going to get cleaned up and then how would you like to share my bed with Elliot and I? It will be just like a sleepover."
"Won't Elliot be mad?"
Olivia smiled reassuringly and shook her head. "Not at all. He loves cuddles with his favourite snuggle bug!" She claimed as she tickled the child's sides, knowing that was where she was ticklish the most.
Maria burst into giggles at the 'assault' and tried to get Olivia to stop. "No, Mommy! That tickles!" She squealed.
Olivia ceased the tickling and stood up. "Come on. If you can get undressed in ten seconds, I might even put some bubbles in your bath."
"El, we're going to have a little gremlin in with us for the rest of the night." Liv announced as she walked into the room with Maria who was once again attached to her hip.
Elliot grinned, taking note that Maria was no longer in her pyjamas that she had been wearing when he and Olivia had tucked her in the previous evening. He felt a pang in his heart when he realised that her nightmare had caused her to once again lose control over her bladder. "Olivia, I think you must be blind because that is definitely not a gremlin you have in your arms there. It's my Pretty Princess."
Maria beamed at his words and reached out to him, practically diving out of her mother's arms. Elliot didn't hesitate in taking her from his girlfriend. He sat her down right in the middle of the bed and laid back with her head resting on his chest. He silently thanked God that he had the sense to put his boxers back on when Olivia had left to tend to the girl.
Olivia smiled lovingly at the two of them snuggled together before going over to her chest of drawers and taking out a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top. Once she was appropriately dressed, she climbed back into bed and laid down. Maria promptly reached out and squeezed one of her hands tightly, missing the physical contact with her mommy.
"Elliot?" Maria whispered into the darkness.
"What is it, Angel Face?" Elliot asked, using his special nickname he had made up for her.
"Can you sing me a song? That always helps me go to sleep." The little girl told him. Elliot couldn't refuse and began to sing his own rendition of 'You Are My Sunshine'. By the time he had finished, Olivia felt the grip on her hand loosen, meaning that the precious girl between them had drifted off to sleep.
The two adults remained in a contemplative silence with their breathing and Maria's soft snoring the only barely audible sounds in the room. The quiet was only broken by Olivia's sniffles and Elliot turned on his side carefully so as not to wake the child in his arms, reaching out to bring his girlfriend closer towards them.
"Oh, Liv. It's ok. She's safe. It's just going to take some time-"
"How much more time, Elliot? I don't think I can take this torture much longer. She's not getting any better. If anything, she's getting worse. I'm starting to think that I'm not cut out to be a mother." Olivia sobbed quietly, being careful not to wake her sleeping daughter.
"Olivia Benson, I never want to hear you say anything like that ever again!" Elliot retorted firmly. "You're an amazing mother to this girl. I know it, Maria knows it and so does everyone else – we can't all be wrong."
"I just don't know what to do any more. I've run out of ideas. She goes to therapy twice a week and I comfort her whenever she needs or wants it but nothing is working. What am I going to do if these nightmares don't ever go away? We're both constantly exhausted and I'm scared that one, or even both, of us is going to wind up getting sick." Olivia found herself breaking down all of her own defences by telling him all of her deepest feelings and darkest thoughts.
"That's all you can do, Honey. Maybe have a talk with Huang and see if there are any other options. You're just going to have to be patient and if you feel like you're not strong enough it's ok because I'm here for both of you."
Olivia breathed deeply to compose herself and looked up into El's eyes. "I love you." She whispered emotionally and her boyfriend returned her sentiments by planting a tender but firm kiss on her lips.
"I love you too." He verbally replied once they had parted. "Now, let's get some sleep. It's been a long day and tomorrow's going to be even longer. It's now half past three in the morning." And with that, the two detectives snuggled into their pillows with Maria tucked safely in between them.
Around noon the next day, George Huang was sat in the children's interview room at Manhattan SVU silently observing the child before him. Maria often spent most of her time in their sessions playing with toys rather than talking. However, did this not mean that he had given up in trying to get her to open up. Giving up wasn't exactly in his job description.
"Maria, your mommy said that you had another nightmare last night. Can you tell me about it?" At the profiler come therapist's question, Maria visibly stiffened and stopped playing with the two dolls she held in her little hands. She seemed to contemplate answering but Huang was sadly disappointed when she shook her head 'no' in an adamant fashion.
"Ok, well can you tell me what's happening with your dolls? They don't seem to be playing very nicely together." He asked curiously. George took note of the fact that the bigger seemed to be looming over the considerably smaller one rather ominously.
"They're not playing." The five year old told him, as if it was obvious to anyone who had any brain cells.
"Oh? Then what are they doing?"
Maria sighed in a somewhat adult fashion before replying, "The mommy doll is shouting at the baby doll because she keeps waking her up in the night and peeing the bed. The mommy doll said that if she does it again she's going to send her away to the bad grizzly bear over there." As she spoke her last sentence she pointed over to one of the shelves where a rather large stuffed bear sat.
Something suddenly clicked inside Huang's head and waited a few moments before asking his next question. "Maria, are you afraid that your mommy is going to send you back to Richard?" He remembered Olivia mentioning Maria's early hour nightmares and bed wetting incidents. The child was clearly acting out her fears with the dolls. Maybe, he hoped, they had finally just had a breakthrough in the main issues. Maria's unconscious thoughts and feelings would also explain why she was so clingy with Olivia.
Maria's eyes filled with tears and nodded sadly. "She doesn't seem angry when I wake her up but I know she is. Mama is always tired because she doesn't get to sleep a lot and sometimes she cries when she thinks I can't see or hear her but I do. I make her sad and I just know she's going to send me away so that she doesn't have to be sad any more."
"I'm sure that's not true, Maria. Olivia loves you very much. She would never send you away." After saying this, he looked up at the clock, realising they had been in the session for about half an hour. Usually sessions lasted an hour but he felt like the breakthrough today was sufficient and thought that it wouldn't hurt anything if he was to end their time early. "Ok, Maria. Why don't you carry on playing for a little while longer? I just need to speak to your mom and then she can take you home."
"Ok, Mr George." The five year old agreed with a shrug and went back to playing make believe. She was so engrossed in the dolls, she didn't even notice Huang leave the room.
Stepping out into the squad room, George cam face to face with an anxious looking Olivia who had been waiting outside the door the whole time. "Well? Did she speak to you at all today?"
"Why don't we get some coffee and sit by your desk. That way we will be more comfortable for our discussion." The FBI agent suggested.
Olivia looked between the interview room door and her friend and sometimes colleague before nodding reluctantly. They made their drinks and sat down by her's and Elliot's desk, neither of them saying a word.
"George, you're scaring me. What happened during the session?"
"Liv, there's nothing to be afraid about. I actually have some good news for a change." Huang was quick to ease her mind.
"You do? You mean...she actually spoke?" Olivia's eyes were wide with wonder and a little excitement, her hands laced together as if she were thanking god for some miracle that had occurred.
"For the first half of the session she basically ignored my existence and played with a couple of dolls. I asked her about the nightmares but she refused to comment on them-" George began to explain but was cut off.
"What? I thought you said it went well?" Liv suddenly looked deflated as she sunk lower into her desk chair.
"I'm getting there." He told her in a tone that asked for patience. "Instead of insisting she talk about her nightmares, I changed the topic of the conversation and asked her what the dolls were playing." Huang paused briefly thinking of how to word his next statement, knowing that it could possibly hurt the detective before him. "She said they weren't playing but rather the mommy doll was mad at the baby doll for waking her up and wetting the bed. She also said that the mommy doll was going to send the baby doll to live with the 'bad grizzly bear'. Liv, what I'm trying to say is that she's acting out her fears that you're going to abandon her because of her night terrors and bed wetting."
"Huang, I...I don't understand. How is any of that good in anyway? My baby thinks I'm a heartless monster!" Olivia exclaimed, tearing up.
"Olivia, don't you see? This explains everything from her clinginess to the nightmares that seem to just escalate each time. With every nightmare, her fear of you leaving her increases." George explained as if it was all obvious and, to him, it was.
"I don't see how any of this is a breakthrough." Liv dead panned.
"Look, I know you're a great mother to that child but she needs to know how loved she is."
Olivia stiffened at his words and barked rather sharply, "What the Hell, Huang? Are you telling me that I don't love my child enough? I tell her all the time that I love her. It's the first thing I say to her in the morning and the last thing at night. I give her comfort whenever she-" She began to rant, her face flushing red with rage but was quickly interrupted before she went on with her tirade.
"I didn't say that you don't lover herenough, Olivia. I'm just wondering if there's anything else you could do to prove to her that what you say is the truth." Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes before looking away from him. George sighed before asking a question that had been on his mind since the session previous to the one he had just had with Maria. "Have you heard anything about the adoption and when it will be finalised?"
Olivia frowned, wondering why he suddenly decided to change the subject when he hadn't even explained to her, properly, as to what was wrong with her child and how she could fix it. Not to mention the fact that she was pissed off at him for insinuating that she didn't show Maria an adequate amount of love and care. "I haven't heard anything from them yet. You know what the foster care system is like. It's full of holes." She pointed out with a sour look still on her face. "Why do you ask?"
"Maybe you should chase them up. It's possible that her nightmare may begin to dwindle out once Maria realises that her being in your life is going to be a permanent thing."
Olivia's mood suddenly changed as her eyes lit up as if she was having a 'eureka!' moment. "George, you're amazing do you know that?! I could actually kiss you right now...In fact, I think I will!"
George was so shocked by her abrupt mood swing that he didn't see it coming when Liv came flying at him and planted a long kiss on his cheek. He was still in shock when she sat herself back in her chair. The man only came back to reality when he heard a giggle.
"I'm so sorry, George. I don't know what came over me! I guess I got a little carried away in my excitement." Olivia had her hands pressed against either cheek in order to try and hide the blush that had risen due to her forward actions. George, the nice man he was, just waved away her apology. "Is there any chance you could just keep an eye on Maria for me? I just want to make a phone call to ACS and chase them up."
George smiled and nodded in reply, laughing a little when the detective jumped and hurried in the direction of the cribs.
"Come on! Pick up already!" Olivia mumbled and grumbled to herself repeatedly as she anxiously yet excitedly paced up and down in the cribs. She had been on hold with ACS for about ten minutes and she was starting to lose her patience. She was about to give up and just hang up the phone before collecting Maria and racing down to the social workers office when someone finally answered her call.
"Hello, Simon Webster speaking, how can I help?"
"Uh, yes, hello. I'm Detective Olivia Benson of the NYPD and I was wondering if I could speak to Sarah Garett?"Olivia very rarely used her NYPD status when making personal calls but she felt that this time she could get away with it. She was well aware that people were, quite often, too afraid to decline your request when they learned that you were a police officer.
"No problem, Detective. I'll just let her know you're on the line and transfer you through to her."
Olivia waited a few seconds before she heard the voice of Maria's social worker greeting her. "Good afternoon, Olivia. Is everything ok?"
"Hi, Sarah. I just thought I would call and see where I stand with the adoption. Are there any updates?" Olivia asked and waited with bated breath. She crossed her fingers unconsciously, hoping to hear some good news.
"As a matter of fact I had a meeting just this morning with my superior regarding Maria's case and it's good news. You've impressed us both during your home visits and we've had nothing but good reports from Maria's teacher. We've decided to approve the adoption. Congratulations, Olivia! It's a girl!" Sarah had to pull the phone away from her ear slightly when Olivia screamed down the other end line out of pure joy.
Realising what she had done, Olivia winced and sheepishly apologised. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Sarah. It's just...I was starting to get worried as I hadn't heard anything..."
Sarah chuckled a little before replying good naturedly. "Don't worry, Olivia. I'm used to reactions like the one you just had. It's days like this when I really love my job. If you want you can come down to the office whenever you're free this afternoon to sign a few papers to make it all final and to pick up the adoption certificate. I'm assuming Maria is going to take on your family name?"
Olivia beamed and responded immediately. "Maria Benson. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
"It does indeed. I can't tell you how happy I am for the both of you. Maria is very lucky to have met you." Sarah praised.
"Thank you so much. I'm at the precinct at the moment so I can get to you in about half an hour or so. Is that ok for you?" Liv inquired.
"Half an hour is perfect. I'll see you then."
"Bye, Sarah, and thanks again." Olivia hung up the phone and wasted no time in hurrying back to the squad room.
As soon as she entered the room she began to call out for her child, not caring that she was causing a scene in front of her colleagues. Elliot, who had just returned from interviewing a victim, went over to her concerned. "Liv, what's wrong?"
Olivia brushed him off. "I'll tell you all in a minute." She said dismissively. "Maria! Come out, Baby! Maria!" At that moment both the children's interview room and Cragen's office door flew open, their respective occupants standing in the doorway. Don had a look of confusion on his face and Maria looked apprehensive. The only one, apart from Olivia, who seemed to be aware of what was going on, was George who sported a knowing smile.
"Mommy?" Maria was the first one to question Olivia's wild antics.
Olivia looked over at the little girl and grinned. "You're a Benson, Baby!" She exclaimed as she ran over to her newly adopted daughter, lifted her into her arms and spun them both around on the spot. It finally clicked with all the adults that were in the room and they all seemed to erupt into cheers at the same time. Olivia stopped twirling when she felt herself begin to get dizzy only to notice that both Elliot and Don were now standing on either side of her. She looked at Maria who had remained silent and frowned when she saw a blank look on her little girl's face. "What's the matter, Sweetheart?" Liv asked concerned as she brushed a piece of Maria's hair out of her eyes.
"I don't understand, Mama. Why is everyone so happy and excited?" Maria questioned.
"Oh, Honey. I'm sorry I should have explained before I started acting so crazy. I was just on the phone to Miss Sarah and she said that I'm allowed to adopt you and that makes you a Benson like me! Isn't that great?!" Olivia tried to explain everyone's joy at the news the best she could to the five year old in her arms.
"You mean I can stay with you...forever?" Maria asked for clarification.
"You sure can, Baby Girl. You sure can." Liv agreed and smiled broadly when Maria wrapped her arms around her neck tightly, burying her face into the crook of her neck. The brunette detective looked to her right to see Elliot give her a subtle wink before looking to her left when her 'dad' rubbed her back to express his congratulations. In that moment, surrounded by the ones she loved most, Olivia could have sworn that she was the happiest woman on the planet.