Inosuke
Inosuke spasmed. The muscles of his side and core seemed to be rebelling against him. "Ur…" he grumbled.
"Please hang on," the little girl Asuka said.
"Don't worry," Inosuke said as he stagger-ran down the moving stairs toward the lower part of Nerv. Tanjiro would get off to the Lilith room. Kid Asuka had called him over for something. "I thought…" he grunted, "that I dreamed you."
Her eyes widened. "You thought I wasn't real?"
"Yeah." In one motion, Inosuke lifted his mask, leaned over the side of the escalator, and puked. After two hard heaves, he pulled the mask back down and said. "Okay, I feel better. Let's go!"
He began running again, ignoring the pain. The pain didn't matter. Everyone did their part. Tanjiro had become some mega… thing. Shinji and Asuka fought the Angels. Kid Asuka, whatever she was, appeared to him. So, he'd follow.
As he ran down the stairs, she seemed to blink several steps down at a time. "Where am I going?" he asked.
"To the Evas."
"Okay!"
He didn't ask why. It didn't seem important. This strange child gave off an energy like the people of the Demon Slayer Corps. He could read her. She wanted to help.
Soon, he burst through a pair of heavy doors, onto the grassy meadow that lay at the base of Tokyo-3.
"What the hell is this?" the self-taught warrior stared at the giant beasts.
"That's the Evangelion."
It moved like an animal. With all that power, it crawled uncertainly on its limbs. The Eva lifted its head in paranoid juts as its limbs clambered like a spider with disjointed legs. Shinji didn't control that thing. It moved on its own. Unit-01 had defeated the Angel practically without effort.
He'd felt some emotions from the creature before, but now, he felt a blind rage. This creature of almost cosmic power had awoken after being put to sleep. The machine changed in Inosuke's mind. Suddenly, all those layers of metal seemed like restraints instead of armor. The wild movements seemed like an overtired animal relearning how to move.
As Inosuke watched, the Eva ate the Angel.
"Oi…" Inosuke grunted. He pointed to Unit-01. "Shinji's stuck in there, isn't he?"
"Yes," the Kid Asuka nodded.
He forced himself not to think about the details. "He'll need help getting out."
"Yes."
The air seemed to quiet. The wind died. The battlefield became so still that Inosuke could hear the metal crunching the bone far below. He felt it all over his body. Something stared down on him. Something massive, distant, and powerful.
Inosuke turned and pulled out his blades. "This better be the last Angel," he muttered.
The Kid Asuka said, "There's one other Angel, still, other than Nephilim. But this will probably be the hardest to defeat."
Inosuke looked to the hole that lead to the world outside. He couldn't see anything strange. It felt too… distant. This thing must've been beyond the clouds. How could he fight something beyond the clouds? There's no way he'd be able to throw his swords that dist—
"Throw," he said. Inosuke turned his focus back to the Evas below. "One of them needs to throw something, don't they? The purple one's gone wild and Asuka needs to—"
He turned to yell at her, but the girl had disappeared.
"Oi! Don't leave when I'm talking. Rude little girl!"
As soon as he said this, a great yellow light shone down through the crater. It seemed to refract, showering all the area with a shimmering golden light. A strange chanting filled his ears as the light hit like a concrete blanket.
Misato
As the Major wondered what Inosuke was doing, the light hit. With it, the chanting.
Instinct read the situation, the machines supplemented. Unit-01 reared back on its legs as the light hit. The roaring nearly matched the volume of the Angel's chanting. Unit-02, meanwhile, went limp.
"Synchronization rate has dropped to zero in Unit-02!" one report sounded. "The harmonics are all over the place."
"Stop!" Asuka's shriek filled the observation room.
The wild fluctuations on the monitors told the story. Asuka's data became a mess, signalling every alarm as her heartrate spiked and her Synch Rate plummeted. "It's attacking her mind," someone reported.
They couldn't help her. Even her voice cut out.
Shinji stood in a worse state. She turned to the main monitor, Unit-01 lurched downward. Panting like a tired dog, it began beating its face against the dirt.
Fuyutsuki's voice call out from the top of the room: "Status report on Unit-01."
"Synchronization rate is 400%. Pilot vitals are unreadable. Mental instability has risen. All contact with the Evangelion has been severed. It's refusing our orders."
"Keep trying," Misato ordered. "Get me a visual on the new Angel!"
Soon, the information came through. The massive invader floated just outside the earth's atmosphere. The only weapon that may have been able to reach it was the positron rifle, assuming that the shot would break through the AT Field.
The Major forced herself to look calm. The pilots were immobilized, one possibly dead. Inosuke couldn't do much in his current state. Zenitsu had his hands full. Where was Tanjiro?
Fuyutsuki distracted her from the thought. "Launch Unit-00 with the dummy plug. We'll use the Lance of Longinus."
Several heads turned. The dummy plug had never been tested. They'd been promised more time, but the schedule had changed. Misato wanted to contest the order, but she saw no alternative. "You heard the order," she said.
"But," a young man with glasses and premature grey hair yelled back. "The dummy plug isn't meant to do something complicated. It's—"
"Prepare for launch!" she ordered.
Fuyutuski, that bastard, what was he doing now? The dummy plug had never been meant to do more than point an Eva. If an Angel appeared on the ground, they'd launch one and hope for the best. Detailed, time-consuming procedures were a risk. A one-time-only shot beyond the atmosphere, that was idiotic.
More than that, why the Lance? Releasing the most important of Lilith's restraints seemed absurd.
The Major rushed toward the old man's perch. As she did so, she heard a chair scuffle. "The Evas gone. It's already been launched!"
Every head turned to the screen, except Misato's. She focused on Gendo's right hand man as she rushed toward him. She climbed to his perch. "What is this?" she asked.
Fuyutsuki blinked. His wrinkles seemed deeper than before. The hard features had become sad. "This is the most I can offer, Major. You are now aware of the Commander's executive decision."
"Executive— Gendo had the Eva launched?" She leaned over the perch and yelled to her crew. "When was it launched?"
"Just… just a moment ago. The doors to Central Dogma have been opened. It's being lowered there."
Misato looked to the screen. The Evas stood in the light, their pilots suffering. But things were not still. Inosuke, she saw, trudged toward them with slow, unsteady steps.
Asuka
Her mother's voice called out to her. "Join me, Asuka. Let's go together."
A doll. A rope. A pair of feet dangling in the air.
Who are you? The voice asked. "Is this you?"
Scenes from her life played before her. Her voice spoke with strange inflection. "That's not me!" she screamed. Where had the Eva gone? She'd sat in the entry plug just a moment ago. How had that vanished? Why did she fell like she stood beneath a spotlight?
The scenes played out. The same gestures and moments. All that changed was her tone. It felt fake. It wasn't her. Some outside force had imposed itself on her memories. It copied her without knowing her. It made tiny, hardly noticeable alterations. The scenes rushed through her mind, but everything became still when she could speak. The outside force waited for her response.
"That's not me!"
With every refusal, it began anew. This strange force desired some kind of approval from her. They wanted to know her, down to the last strand of DNA. The observer burrowed into her mind. It felt like drills were tunneling through her nervous system. Her body jolted with the invasive pain.
"It's not me. It's not me." She repeated the words again and again, but it didn't help. None of it helped. The scenes replayed. Her tone and inflection changed in a million ways. Soon, her own face seemed false. She looked at some demented copy. Her voice played out in so many ways that she doubted if she were real.
As she wept within the entry plug, she curled into a smaller and smaller ball. "Don't look inside. I don't want you to see that."
Suddenly, a roar sounded over the chatter, distorted like the sound of a thunderclap from underwater. Her eyes slowly lifted from her palms, gazing out between her fingers. The screen had gone blank. All she saw was the lifeless grey of the entry plug.
"Come on…" she sobbed. Asuka had lost her final reason. The girl with all the talent lived to pilot an Evangelion. Now, her own machine had turned away from her. She'd lost it. She'd lost her talent. She'd lost her right to be, to try.
"I'm a pilot…" she muttered.
Unit-02 lurched. Asuka nearly fell from her seat as something crashed into Unit-02. The mighty red colossus fell to the ground. She nearly threw up on impact.
"Come on…" she pushed at the controls. She'd been attacked. Something must have struck her. She couldn't see outside. All she could see were the flashes of memory as the Angel's light probed her mind. "That's not me…" she mumbled dumbly, "come on."
Asuka pulled again and again at the controls. Her arms felt numb. The muscles moved automatically.
"Come on…" she said again.
But as she fell into this brutal cycle, her body became still. The scenes in her mind stopped their loop. A new vision appeared. She sat in a train, surrounded by the orange light of sunset.
Shinji
When the Angel's light hit, Shinji awoke. His senses flared so intensely he almost felt numb. He didn't even have enough air in his lungs to scream. It felt as if he'd drifted to sleep in water, only to be stirred by a bolt of lightning.
The pilot tried to see.
Entry plug. Controls. Plug suit. The corpse of the Angel Unit-01 had defeated.
Wait, how could he see his own plug suit? Why was it empty? His vision came and went in scattered snapshots, as if he were swimming through the entry plug and blinking rapidly.
"No." A familiar voice ordered the chaos.
Shinji fell into a bright white fog. He seemed to tumble through nothing. He feared hitting the ground, but none appeared. Shinji floated in a white abyss.
"What's— where am I?"
He looked around. Nothing surrounded him. He floated in an endless oblivion. He searched and searched. I've finally snapped, he thought. After everything, I've gone crazy. This is it. I'm trapped inside my own mind. Or my own soul. It doesn't matter. Maybe I'm dead. That doesn't matter, either.
Should I be happy about that? I don't have to pilot the Eva anymore if I've lost my sanity. This is nice. No more father. No more Nerv. It's gone. It's all gone. Finally. There's some quiet. No roommates. I don't need to try to please anyone. Finally…
With that thought, Shinji shut his eyes and sighed. He let himself drift away. He felt an odd peace. Something seemed to press him in the back of his mind, but he could ignore that feeling. If he tried, he might even be able to lose track of himself. Just… dissipate.
"Is that what you want?"
The voice returned. He'd heard that voice before. Why did he feel like crying when he heard it?
Shinji looked again into the midst. A woman floated near him. He stared at her. Short hair. Kind smile. Eyes like his own. Why did this woman look so—
"Mom…" the word slipped from the pilot's mouth.
The vision of Yui Ikari nodded. "You and your friend are under attack."
"Friend?" he asked. He felt so happy to see her. Shinji didn't want to share this moment with anyone else.
Again, his mother nodded. "Asuka."
"Asuka?" he muttered. "She's not my friend. She's never cared about me at all. She doesn't matter! Mom!" he floated toward her. "I've missed you so much. How'd you get here? Where are we?"
Shinji's mother reached out toward him. Shinji floated toward her embrace, but he did not reach it. Just as it seemed he'd reach her, she seemed to be just further away than he'd thought.
"I'm not exactly your mother," she said. "I'm what's left of her."
"I don't care!" Shinji screamed. "You're back. We're together. I don't need to pilot the Eva anymore. Please, let's just… be together."
Still, he couldn't reach her.
"Shinji. I have been with you. Even now, I'm protecting you."
"I don't understand."
She nodded slightly, then sighed. "Did I ever tell you that purple was my favourite colour?"
Purple? What did that have to do with anything?
Shinji shook his head violently. He didn't want to know. The truth became obvious, but he fled from it. How could he accept that? He ran from the truth. He wanted to run from everything. If he died here, he'd have died in battle. It'd be the ultimate escape. Nobody would even blame him.
"Shinji, look at me."
Shinji did. He gaped at her as if she were some holy figure made real. He wanted to escape away with her and let all the world disappear. As Shinji thought this, the truth crashed down. The woman before him wasn't real. Her favourite colour was purple. The colour of Unit-01. The mix of DNA between Angel and human. The machine for which his father had a strange attachment.
"No way…" Shinji said. He ceased to float toward her. She felt distant, though she looked barely out of arm's reach. "He did this to you?"
She nodded. "In some sense, yes. I volunteered to experiment with Evangelion. He took it a step further. He tried to turn human evolution into his playground. He created humans he thought could be his dolls. I am your mother, Shinji, but that's only one part of the monster which is the Evangelion."
"You're not a monster!" Shinji screamed.
She shook her head. The calm smile dropped into a sad expression. Shinji stiffened. That face. That pain. Something weighed on her. What was it? What had he done? No, he'd gone insane, and now he floated in his own personal Hell. Even when nothing else existed, he still disappointed people who weren't even real. Why even bother trying when it always led to this? Everyone who knew him became disappointed by him. Shinji could never be anything more than disappointing. Why? Why?
"Shinji, please look at me."
He did. She winced, as if in pain. "The Angel is attacking your mind. I'm trying to hold it back. I can't much longer. When it breaks through me, I don't think you'll ever see me again like this. After all, I'm not a human anymore."
"Mom…" he silently begged for the world to make sense. It had never granted him that chance. It wouldn't do so now. Still, he offered his futile hope to the universe, the same one he'd been offering since he could form his own thoughts.
"Shinji. I love you."
A soft, warm hand touched his cheek. Shinji looked up. His mother hugged him. "You don't need to be anyone but yourself. It's okay if it takes a long time to figure out who that is. But I know, Shinji, you are stronger than you realize. Please, remember that."
He felt calm. He didn't even cry. The warmth felt so comforting. He reached out his arms to hug her in return. But, just as his arms were about to embrace her, she vanished.
Suddenly, he sat in a train, illuminated in the orange light of a sunset. His forearms dangled in front of him, frozen in the middle of his embrace. "Mom…" he sputtered.
"Get over yourself," Asuka grumbled. She sat across from him, clutching her arms. She sat in her plug suit. Shinji looked down to find that he, too, sat in his plug suit. "We've all got mother issues, coward," she spat. "Aren't you supposed to be the best pilot or something? Didn't Scarface or Pig Boy teach you anything? Save us, Mr. Hero."
Shinji blinked. Before he could respond, a third person interrupted him.
Inosuke
Inosuke stood in two places at once. In the real world, he marched slowly on the grassy floor of the dome beneath Tokyo-3. But at the same time, as the light shone down on him, he stood somewhere else.
Somewhere in his own head, he stood on a circle of grass. Everything outside the circle was just empty blackness. "What the hell is this?" he asked.
"Oi!" he heard a garbled version of his own voice. Suddenly, he saw himself. A bunch of moments from his life played out. Except, instead of being like real memories, he saw how he had acted in those moments. It felt weird.
"Um, what's happening?" he asked. "This is weird."
He felt heavy as he walked toward the Evas. It seemed like he had two bodies, one real and one in his mind. He tried to focus on the real world, with the annoying chanting and the harsh shower of light. In the distance ahead of him, both Evas had become still. Asuka's red giant lay on the ground with its limbs splayed out. Shinji's purple monster sat on its knees, barely moving, as if it were panting in exhaustion. He'd seen Unit-01 shove the other Eva to the ground, but it had become difficult to keep track of the real world.
"Fight me!" a memory forced itself forward. He saw the first time he'd been unmasked in front of Tanjiro, asking to fight the stranger who'd helped him escape that house. He saw himself bending to put his face between his feet. The first time he'd met Shinobu. Arguing with people in the Demon Corps during training.
He also saw his introduction to Shinji and Misato. "I'm Inosuke!" he saw himself proclaim, with a thumb jabbing toward his chest.
"Damn right, I am," he replied.
The memories stopped, but part of him still stood on the circle surrounded by darkness. "Oi," he called out. "Let me go, Angel thing. I got enough shit to worry about without you making me dizzy."
Words appeared in his mind, plain but unspoken:
Who are you?
"I'm Inosuke," he stated. "You suck at listening."
Who is Inosuke?
"Ha! Take a look. This is me."
Instantly, it felt as if a million tiny swords stabbed into his spine and brain. He gasped as every muscle seemed to tense at the same time. Inosuke fell. His palm struck the grass. He forced himself to stay up. Pain turned to agony.
Who are you?
A new scene played out. Inosuke as a little kid, wandering around with boars. He danced and barked and roared. Even in the pain, the memory gave some small joy. He had forgotten most of that childhood. He'd never had a mirror at that time, so seeing himself having so much fun made him feel good, too.
Is this Inosuke?
"It's all me," he said. It was difficult to tell which version of himself said it. Maybe both.
The memory of dancing turned weird. His grown self started dancing beside the kid. But instead of dancing on both legs, like he'd done at the time, his other self went on all fours. As Inosuke watched, this version of himself grew hair. The eyes of his mask turned and looked around. The mouth opened. He became a boar.
"Piss off," he muttered. When he spoke, he felt the pain again. So long as the memories took front and centre, he felt no pain. Yet, how could he just be happy with that? Every worthwhile thing he'd ever done had led to him charging into the pain. Leaving the forest. Accepting the Demon Corps rules. Training. Admitting he needed someone else's help to become stronger. It had all been pain. He wouldn't ignore it.
Do you like pain?
"Yes, alright?" the stabbing feeling eased off a bit. "I'm a punk who likes fighting. I get antsy. I get frustrated easy, and I'm bad at talking. Fighting let's me not think about it. I can fight and train with people even if I can't talk with them. I don't feel alive unless I'm pushing myself. You want to know me, Angel, get to know me. Don't drill into me! You can—
—piss off!"
The scene had vanished again. He stood in one of this Japan's trains. The light of a sunset made the whole thing look creepy. Asuka and Shinji sat on opposite seats. She was grinding her teeth as she curled in a ball. Shinji looked red-eyed from crying. Asuka rolled her eyes.
Asuka
Even in her private nightmares, she had to put up with Pig Boy and the coward.
"Of course you're here," Asuka grimaced. The swine had entered as crassly and unnecessarily as usual. "Will you stop staring every which way like you're confused. Honestly, I'm surprised you have enough of a brain to even—"
Inosuke headbutted one of the windows with a roar. The glass didn't budge. "Well, shit." He grunted. "This reminds me too much of the last time I was possessed on a train. Kinda happened in reverse, that time."
"Shut up!" Asuka screamed. The young woman stood. Her fists clenched so hard they hurt. She couldn't take it. "Do you even have a brain? We've got one guy here who's got a head but no balls, and an adrenaline junky who barely has enough brain power to breathe! I hate you. I hate you both. I hate you all!"
They made it look easy. Both of these jerks embodied an unhealthy way of coping. Shinji folded inward, weeping and running away from every little problem. He gave up before things started. Oh, he would say, I'm just gonna mess it up. He messed up because he didn't care or put in all his effort. So, when he messed things up, or things didn't go his way, he'd just say he called it. He never tried. He never improved, but Nerv seemed to worship the brat. They all applauded the great and amazing Shinji the Pilot. He was nothing more than a coward. The brat spent so much time in his own head that normal reality surprised him. He couldn't handle anything, let alone the Angels.
And Inosuke… just look at him. A block of muscles with a pig's face. Every part of him screamed 'death wish'. All he talked about was fighting. All he wanted to do was fight and train. This guy had probably never had any hobbies or interests. Did he even care about anyone else? From all the videos she'd watched, Inosuke had always been the most reckless of the Slayers. This guy charged into danger like it turned him on. Maybe death wish was wrong. The guy was an adrenaline junkie. He didn't think, not really. Either he was too stupid to think, or he wasn't all there. Either way, he ignored problems. He ignored other people, always pushing forward, forward, forward even if it meant ignoring everything wrong now. Did he even notice the people around him? He was blind to other people's suffering. She knew that. This was the guy who said he had to be reminded to think of normal people in war, otherwise he'd just focus on fighting.
"I hate both of you! You're worthless. Both of you. All the Slayers. Nerv. Everyone! Nobody listens. Nobody helps—"
She hated herself, too. When was the last time she'd ever been honest? She ignored other people so she could pretend to be special. Asuka hated seeing people happy, because it felt like they were stealing happiness she could have. When someone praised someone else, that was praise she'd failed to earn. Asuka, the prodigy, knew that her thoughts were irrational. They didn't stop, though. She felt so lonely it hurt. Something ate her from inside. When she spent time with people, she didn't act like herself. If she spent a long time with someone, it'd turn into insults and vapidities. She needed to be the best. She needed to be the most amazing. But there's no way to be best in a casual conversation. Asuka had forgotten who she even was, after how long she'd been in character.
Shinji didn't try. Inosuke didn't think. That seemed no healthier. Being near them felt worse. "You don't know anything!"
"That sucks," Inosuke said, "but—"
"Don't interrupt me!"
She charged and swung her fist. It connected. Her fist struck his chest. Inosuke hadn't tried to block it. His hands lay near his sides. "Look, I don't know what—"
"You don't know anything," she barked.
Shinji muttered, his voice so weak it was barely audible. "Don't talk to him like that."
"And what are you gonna do about it? You're the type who thinks all the world hates him, aren't you? You feel happy when you see someone else in pain, don't you? You think it makes you look better. You're too lazy to do anything in your life except feel sorry for yourself."
She screamed. Her throat felt hoarse as she unloaded her anger. Insult after insult flooded out of her, against Shinji and against everyone in the whole world.
As she fumed, she noticed that Shinji was looking behind her. He seemed pretty interested in whatever was happening. Inosuke probably ignored her, she thought. The guy didn't have the patience, or the ability, to listen to her. Nobody listened to her. Nobody saw her.
Asuka turned to see Inosuke kneeling. At some point during her screaming, he'd stabbed his swords into the floor of the train. His arms stretched out toward the hilts of his blades. A strange, gravelly noise became audible. She listened, and heard Inosuke mumbling.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I feel the light. I feel the grass. I feel the Angel watching us. Empty your mind. Relax. It wants us to get wrapped up in our own heads."
"Well, you don't need to worry about that." She turned away and rolled her eyes.
After this, Shinji gaped at the space behind her. He started blinking like an idiot. "He just disappeared."
Inosuke
The self-taught warrior jolted awake on the grass. A quick look showed that the situation hadn't changed much. Unit-02 was still stuck. Unit-01 had started moving and closing its mouth. He didn't like the way it stared down at Unit-02 as bits of the Angel still hung from its mouth. Inosuke also didn't like the way its eyes seemed to be rolling in every direction without looking at anything.
Wait, since when had this thing had green eyes, anyway?
"Hang in there, you two!" Inosuke screamed as he sprinted toward the Evas.
He had no idea what he'd do when he got to them.
Rei-Tanjiro
As chaos erupted throughout Tokyo-3, Tanjiro and Rei flew through the halls and vents of Nerv HQ. Rei knew the layout better than most. Tanjiro followed her memory, using her instincts to move without delay.
There was a large shaft from near the Eva bay, in case an Evangelion ever needed to interact with Lilith or the Lance of Longinus. Tanjiro found the entrance. The steel door to Central Dogma lay open. A thick cable fed into the shaft. That would never be open unless an Angel were moving down.
They held an instantaneous discussion.
Unit-00? But it didn't have a pilot. Gendo had been working on dummy plugs. A way to move Evas without pilots. It had always been risky. It didn't last long. Using the dummy plug for this seemed absurd. Misato wouldn't do this.
They rushed down the opening. Far below, the gate to the massive red cavern lay open.
Tanjiro entered the awful place for the first time. Rei felt a strange guilt as they flew into this place in the bowels of Nerv. The scent of LCL, once comforting and nostalgic, now seemed sickening. Meanwhile, Tanjiro felt grateful for Rei's presence. His muscles felt heavy as they entered the haze that he felt from the fluid.
They asked if the other was okay. Tanjiro could withstand the fumes for a while. Rei remained determined.
Gendo stood in the centre of the white floor. They couldn't see his expression from this distance. Something else took their attention.
Almost waist-deep in the LCL ocean, Unit-00 gripped the Lance of Longinus that pierced Lilith's body. The Eva moved in lurching, almost drunken motions. It swayed awkwardly as it pulled the Lance free. Instantly, legs sprouted from the stumps of Lilith's knees.
A muted growling filled the room as Unit-00 grabbed its head with one hand, holding the Lance weakly in the other. Was it going berserk? It stood beside Lilith, deep in LCL. This scenario practically invited the Evangelion to go berserk.
They didn't have time to question it. They flew toward Lilith. Removing the Lance meant the final steps toward Instrumentality had begun. Rei felt scared. Tanjiro saw why. Unit-00 hated her. It had always hated her.
Suddenly, Unit-00 snapped toward them. Its back hunched. It looked almost primitive, an early human in a primordial pool of blood, clutching a spear. The groaning became a furious roar.
Tanjiro and Rei agreed. They'd deal with it quickly.