Denki was scouted.

That's amazing. I'm so proud of him. He's an amazing guitar player and a shockingly amazing singer. He deserves this… but… I don't know what this is exactly.

We didn't get much of a chance to talk the rest of the night… mainly because I kept avoiding him.

I know I shouldn't have but I need time to process this.

When the announcements started, they called dad up, thanking him for all his service and offered him a promotion, captain. Mio and I clapped for dad. This is amazing.

As happy as I am for dad, I still feel uneasy about Denki being scouted. I know I should be happier for him but I just couldn't muster the feelings.

After some chit chat with dad's coworkers, I asked dad if we could please go home. He was tuckered after the excitement and said yes.

I left without telling Denki and his family bye. I don't think I'd be able to face him just yet.

Mio nudged me as we got home, "You good, kid?"

I shrugged, "I need to go lay down."

She nodded.

I closed myself in my room, changing out of my dress. I sat on my bed and stared at my locket.

I jumped when I heard my phone ring. It was Denki. Apart of me didn't want to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Buzzy, you disappeared. You didn't say goodbye." His voice sounded so sad.

I let out a sigh, "Uh, yeah, sorry about that."

"It's okay, I just wish I could've gotten a kiss, a hug at least." He's trying to be happy but he's not.

"Sorry."

He paused before letting out a sigh, "Maki, are you feeling weird about my getting scouted?"

"I just don't know what it means for us."

"Nothing yet. For all we know, I'm not experienced enough. We shouldn't worry until we have something to worry about."

My heart stopped, "So, you're taking the audition?"

"I am, I talked to Tanaka before I came home, she wants me to come in tomorrow afternoon."

"I see." I felt tears threatening to fall.

"Maki, don't freak out, there's nothing to freak out about."

"I know." I choked on my words.

"Buzzy…" He sounded sad, "Please… don't cry. I won't go. I'll call in the morning and cancel."

"No," my voice just above a whisper, "Go to the audition. If you don't, you'll always wonder, what if, so go."

"Are you sure?"

No.

"Yes."

"Okay, only if you're sure…" He paused, "I love you, Buzzy."

"I love you too."

More than you know.

Another long pause.

I took a deep breath, "I gotta go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I heard him say my name as I hung up.

I laid down in bed, trying hard not to cry. If he joins another band that has a manager it could lead to something serious… like a tour where he's on the road.

The next day, I stayed in, I laid in bed with Tokoyami's latest novel.

I found myself distracted as I tried to read. I kept checking my phone. Denki hasn't texted me since he woke up this morning… which I didn't answer. I don't know why he'd text me after being left on read.

I kept rereading the same pages over and over but I don't seem to be absorbing what it says.

The day carried on so slowly.

I waited and waited but nothing. I thought for sure he'd call me once he was out. He never minds being the first to message or call.

Maybe I should go to him, it's not a far walk.

I stood from the bed and started to get ready to leave.

"Hey," His voice startled me, "Where ya going?"

I looked at him before sighing, "Umm, I was going to go see you."

He smiled, "Great minds." He's trying to make the mood light.

I nodded, "I didn't think you were coming over."

He shrugged, "How could I not? I have this news and you're the only one I want to share it with. You're always the first person I want to share the news with."

I sat in my computer chair, my heartfelt heavy, afraid of what he's going to tell me, "So, the audition went well?"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels, he feels awkward, "You could say that. I just got out and came straight over here."

I nodded, bracing myself for his news, "How did it go?"

He took a deep breath, "They liked me. Not just for how I played, I got along with the other two guys. We talked for a long time before even getting to the music and when we finally did, everything just flowed. It took a few minutes to adjust of course. I was singing instead of you and the guy on the drums wasn't as much of an attention hog as Bakugo but it was awesome. I liked it."

My heart pulled, "So, what does this mean?"

I know what this means.

He shrugged, "Tanaka offered me the spot in the band, I have until the end of the day to give her an answer. I didn't want to give her one until I talked to you though."

"Why?"

Denki looked at the ground before looking back at me, this is hard for him, "Because, this is a big decision. I don't think I can make it without you."

I shrugged, "Denki, this is your choice. It's your life."

He shook his head, frustration in his eyes, "But, it's not. It's our life."

I sighed, my heart hurting, "Our life was going to school and getting a place together. We had plans. We were going to be together. We were going to do things together."

He nodded, "I still want those things but school isn't an option for me, Maki, this is. We can still be together. That doesn't have to change."

I was confused, "How is school not an option?"

He sighed, "I'm not going to get into any of the schools we applied to, maybe the community college, but even if I did, I have no idea what I would study."

I nodded, "That's the point of college, you figure it out. And how do you know you won't get in anywhere?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, "I've already been denied to three schools. Your first choice emailed me yesterday and two more this morning."

I was shocked, he said they didn't email him.

He sighed, "I know I said they didn't but I didn't want to ruin the show for you. It was for your dad."

I took a deep breath, my heart hurting more and more, "Okay, but those aren't the only schools, you could still get in elsewhere."

He shrugged, "But I don't want to. I know you'll choose whatever school actually takes me and I don't want that. I want you to go to your first choice and not have to worry about me. We both know I'll never pass without you and you'll, have your own work to focus on."

He's right, I'd go with him.

"But, I'll still be there to help you."

"I know, but your own work would need your focus." He sighed, "Maki, this is something I love. I love playing, but I love you too. I need this. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to do the one thing I'm good at. I need this."

I felt the tears threatening to fall, "But…" My voice cracked, "But what about me? Aren't I enough? You said I was enough." I know I shouldn't ask that but it came out.

He closed the gap between us, dropping to his knees in front of me, "Enough? Maki, you're everything. That's why I won't allow myself to hold you back. I want everything for you. I won't let you settle for me. I need something I want to do while you do what you need to get where you want to. And if this band keeps going the way they are, this could be the thing that helps me take care of you."

"But we won't be together." My voice was low, it's getting harder to hold back the tears.

He sighed, "Not for a while but I'll always come home to you. The manager said the tour was only for a year then we'd be back here for the recording."

"Tour?"

He nodded, "The band is leaving for the tour on Thursday."

My heart stopped, "Thursday is our grad performance." He'll also miss graduation.

Denki nodded, "I know but we need to fly out on a late flight."

Fly out?

I shook my head, "I can't. I can't be with you if this is what you want."

That hurt him, "What? Why?"

I wiped away a tear that escaped, "I saw what my parents went through while my mom toured. I remember what that felt like and when I lost her, it made it worse. I can't go through that again."

He sighed, resting his chin on my knee, "Okay, I understand. I won't go."

I felt like someone was twisting a knife in my heart, "Denki, you can't do that. You have to go." Every word hurt to say but I needed to.

He looked up, confused, "But you just said you won't be with me if I go."

I nodded, "I can't but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go. You don't want to hold me back and I don't want to either. You're good. This is good for you. You can't give this up." I can't be selfish.

He shook his head, his eyes were starting to water, "Maki, no, I can't do this without you."

I reached behind my neck, unclasping my locket, "You don't have to do this without me. You'll have this and I'm assuming you still have the star I made you. So, you'll always have my heart and some of my courage."

He shook his head, standing, "Maki, please, please don't do this. I love you."

I nodded, "I love you too, Denki. More than anything. That's why I can't let you miss out on this but I can't handle it and I don't want to take anything away from you."

I saw a few tears fall down his cheek. The knife in my heart twisted. I hate this. I want to hug him. I want to hold him but I think that would make this worse for both of us.

Denki wiped the tears, "Maki, please. I will do anything for you."

Everything inside me twisted, "I know. That's why you should go. Go and be amazing like I know you can."

"There's nothing I can say or do to change your mind?" He asked as he turned away.

I shook my head, "No."

He started to walk to the door, I wanted with everything in my heart to stop him.

He's the first guy I've ever had a crush on, the first guy I fell in love with, my first experience with true intimacy. All those dreams I had for us just came crashing down. I feel like my world is destroyed.

I love him so much and I don't know what I'm going to do without him there.

He stopped right at the door and turned, his fist clenched around the locket, "I understand why you're doing this, why you're pushing me away. I get it. I don't like it… in fact, I hate it, but I get it."

He took a deep breath, "Maki, I don't want this to be over. You are my future. I am one hundred percent sure of that. You are my soul mate. I will fight for this. When I come home, I'm coming home to you. I don't care what I have to do, we will be together again. I love you. I will always love you."

He waited for a second, for my response but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

Everything hurts.

I heard his footsteps as he walked out. My heart broke with each step and completely shattered when he closed the door.

I just pushed the best thing that has ever happened to me away. He's the love of my life.

I broke down, I couldn't hold back the tears. The love of my life just walked out. I know it's what's good for both of us but that doesn't make it easy.

Denki, I love you and I hope you get everything you want.