Thank you for following this fic.
Guest : Hello there! Thank you for your review! I struggle everytime not to make them ooc (it's my greatest fear when writting), so to hear that reassures me, because some lines seems to come straight from shojo manga and well it does sound weird for some characters, I may have overdid it with Aomine (Sorry!). Concerning the beta-reader matter, don't worry, I'm not offended at all. I'm well-aware that the main problem of this fic is my english. There's so many grammatical mistakes and my syntax is so awful that it's depressing. I tried to fix them but when I did, I just realised how much the first chapters suck, and couldn't repress the desire to erase it all and rewrite (or abandon writing). At this rate, this story would never end, so I just gave up half-way and prefered to give an end to this fic before undergoing rewriting (I'm a bad author, I know). So yeah, if there is a kind and very courageous soul who wishes to undertake that long and laborious task of beta-reading this fic, I welcome him/her on board! It'll take a load off my mind.
ArchangelKoriel : That's frank! The first chapters sure don't show the true colors of this fic and may be awfully off-putting for the lack of action. In my opinion, the story truly begins at the new term, and everything before that is just a very long prologue for Asaka's character. (almost forty chapters to get there, talk about a slow pace) So it touched me to know that at least, the developpment is well-written. Also, I'm so happy you read it to the end and came to like it. Thank you so much for reviewing!
"A joint practice with Kiyose?"
Kazehaya glanced at Ritsu. "This morning, we received a notice saying they accept a joint practice with us at the end of the week. It's about time we put to the test our new formation."
At the start of the new start, many changes were made in the volleyball club. As Hibari declared during the training camp, she left the captaincy to Kazehaya and remained in the club, though most of the third-years showed up less and less at practice. Only Hoshino, Hareki and Hibari came diligently to keep training the team, despite the fact that they surely wouldn't be playing in games anymore. Hoshino and Hibari were removed of the starting lineup, and their demotion led forward to a new team formation. With Yagami and her in its center.
"Our first match without Hibari-senpai and Hoshino-senpai." mused Ritsu.
"A new page is turning for the Teikō volleyball team. Yagami and you will be kept busy from now on as our leading offense. Quite the promotion for two freshmen in just half a year." Kazehaya praised without manifesting very apparent emotions.
Yagami and her have come a long way, indeed. In spring, they were merely freshmen with dreams and ambitions of joining the team. And now, they were regulars and first pillars of a new team. Ritsu wouldn't have believed it if he'd been told that in her first day at the club; perhaps in her second year, she would have thought it possible. But responsabilities had fallen upon them rather fast, and unexpectedly. To be honest, she had never set her ambitions that high in the first place. What she aspired to when she joined the club was, first, to enter the team and second, to be a setter. Whether she had an important place inside the team or not didn't matter to her as long as she could play in games.
And that must also explain why her track has deviated from the path she wished to walk on.
"However, Asaka, I have yet heard your feelings about this."
"My feelings about the new formation?"
Her senior pulled her a lock of hair behind her ear. "As much as I know, you've never been fond of attack-oriented role. Despite that, you played as an outside hitter along Hoshino-san, and now you'll probably continue on that position while Yagami is a setter."
Her feelings...Ritsu came to understand where Kazehaya was trying to get to. Yagami and her had aimed for the same position since they joined the volleyball club. In the end, the setter position went to Yagami, while she had to close her eyes on her own ambitions. For the team's sake.
"Didn't you want to be a setter as well?"
"It's true that I didn't wish for things to be exactly like that."
There were no point in denying it either. She had felt a bit bitter over it, nevertheless. She always had her eyes on the setter role. And knowing that she couldn't do it only shoved the harsh reality in her face. She didn't manage to go as far as Yagami. It was just like Hibari and Akashi said.
So if she was jealous of Yagami? She couldn't lie to herself, a part of her was envious of her. People acknowledged Yagami to be the best suited for that role, and despite her sentiment, she also agreed with them, in fact.
"But I'm fine with it." Ritsu assured with a simple smile. "I was sort of aware that it'd turn like this. Hibari-senpai already told me about this eventuality."
She remembered that conversation well.
«- Does that mean you don't want to broaden your skills? Because I have other plans for you.
- What other plans?
- Some where you won't be a setter.»
At that time, this was a shock for her. It was like she opens a door to face another one that won't ever open to her. She had become a regular yet she wouldn't be a setter. Only half of her aspirations would ever come true, so what would become of the other half?
That answer was given to her just recently.
"And what she asked me to do doesn't actually fit the role of a setter."
"What was it?"
"To be more stubborn and reckless."
That other half didn't become a reality, yet it wasn't the end of it. When she asked herself why she aimed to be a setter, the image of united team came to her mind, with herself as one of its links. This was her true desire : unite a team. For that, she didn't necessarily have to play the setter in the team. There were other ways to unite people under the same banner, and Hibari opened her eyes on that fact with those two words : stubborn and reckless.
"At first, I believe she told me that because I wasn't imposing myself enough and lacked in talent to be a setter. However, I realise very late what Hibari-senpai meant that day. I wasn't strong enough to meet our team's expectation, seeing as it was wrong of me to focus myself on what I lack instead of what I can do."
True, she had an habit of overthinking things and tried to find a logical reason to it at all costs. This in itself, was enough to show her that she didn't have the right mental to lead a team on the front line. Nevertheless, she couldn't stay in the shadow either, simply because she wasn't devoided of talent. And the best way to manifest it was through stubbornness and recklessness. In more beautiful terms, pride and determination.
"But now I know what I must do : Stand proud and determined. For the team's sake."
If she couldn't show that much, then she'd better give up. A team doesn't need members who can't progress and be the best. So she will hold on to her two aspiration which made her join the volleyball club : play in this team and unite it in her own way, setter or not.
"And well, I suppose these kind of qualities fit the best my style and my volleyball skills. An outside hitter who can't score or lose every of his fights will definetely break down the team."
Kazehaya cracked a smile, delighted by her answer.
"I see, you made your choice. A very good one."
Ritsu found it funny. "Even if you say so, you just wanted to hear my feelings. You never intended to make any changes if I had said otherwise."
"You're sharp." Her senior didn't refute. "The coach won't make great changes, even after our joint practice with Kiyose, but that mainly concerns Yagami and you. We can't let ourselves be eaten so easily without Hibari-san and Hoshino-san, you both are the only ones who are skilled to fulfill their role and maintain the competitive level of our team."
So that was what Kazehaya wanted to confirm by hearing her feelings. Just like Hibari and Hoshino, a good chemistry was absolutely necessary to draw the best of each potential. Feelings like regret or jealousy would just hinder and lower the quality of their play.
"You think I'd try to fight for the setter role with Yagami?"
"I can't deny the possibility. Every so often things like this happen inside a team." Kazehaya replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "There always are gaps between people and conflicts arise from them, particulary inside a group."
"There's no way I'd do something so stupid and selfish as starting a fight with Yagami, it'd go against my values. Moreover, I have esteem for her as an athlete and I enjoy playing with her." Ritsu refuted.
Such an ill toward Yagami would not cross her mind. They were teammates.
"I believe so, too. That said, let me tell you one thing for your own good, Asaka."
The auburn-haired girl stopped in front of her and pierced her with a straight gaze.
"Inside the team, Yagami is not your friend, the same goes for your other teammates, me included. You may have acknowledged Yagami, but don't forget to keep your eyes forward and not at your back."
On the moment, no sound could come out of her mouth because of the confusion. Not a friend inside the team? She understood that teammates couldn't get along well the same way as close friends. But still, they remained teammates, so why did it sound otherwise in Kazehaya's mouth?
"What do you mean?"
"Just that you are too soft-hearted."
Before she could compose her thoughts, Kazehaya slid the door of the staff room open and said, "I've something to discuss with the coach. See you later."
Abandonned in such a way, Ritsu couldn't help but sigh. She failed to understand.
Too soft-hearted...? What does it have to do with the way she plays?
She sighed a second time and tried to not let it get to her. The moment she decided to move from her spot, the door opened again. She stopped to let the person pass, and this person was none other than Kuroko. He walked out of the staff room without noticing her.
"Kuroko-kun."
The boy didn't turn around. Kuroko was completely lost in his thoughts, which reminded her a little of Akashi's behavior. Was the basketball club going through a crisis period to leave its members in such thoughtful state?
Ritsu ran up to his side and greeted him.
"Hello there, Kuroko-kun."
His eyes met hers.
"Asaka-san?...Hello."
His expression was just as flat as the time she met him with Aomine.
"You just ignored me, you know."
She meant to poke fun at him but he averted his eyes almost in a guilty way. Now, she was the one who felt bad for trying to make fun of him, it was like she did something wrong to him.
An awkward mood came to fill the air and that silence didn't help break the ice. It has been five days since their second encounter, and at that time they had barely spoken with each other. So in a way, she didn't know how to deal with him. His quiet personality was rather disconcerting in his case, while in general, those type of persons were the ones she liked the most to speak with. That said, she didn't mean it in a bad way. When she talked with him, she didn't feel indifference or annoyance, rather he gave her the impression of a friendly boy despite the appearance. By disconcerting, she was only speaking of his very plain attitude, she just couldn't read him.
Perhaps she should tried another time. As she took a close look at him, he didn't seem like he wanted to speak with anyone for now. In truth, he looked pretty down. Noticing that, she then glanced over her right shoulder the door from where he came out. The staff room.
"Something happened, Kuroko-kun? You don't look well." She asked, a bit concerned about his state.
He slightly raised his chin as he heard the question. His lips began to move, about to say something. However, his voice didn't raise.
Well, that's it. His silence was still a form of answer, and thus she had her confirmation. Nonetheless, this wasn't a matter for her to stick her nose in.
"...Ah, if you don't want to talk about it, I'm fine with it. Maybe you want to be left alone, so I'll be on my—"
"Asaka-san, can I ask you something?"
Ritsu stopped in her track and looked at him quizzically. "...Yes, I'm all ears."
"Have you thought of giving up on volleyball if you hadn't become a regular?"
She was taken aback by the question.
"Um...That's kind of difficult for me to say, now that I managed to become one." She looked away and tapped her chin with her fingers. "Maybe I would have given up at some point. For instance, if I don't show progress at all, it'd be hard to keep going knowing I'm getting nowhere, and look others progress well while I'm left behind. But well, I don't really know... "
Her voice lowered as she noticed he looked even gloomier than before. Have she said something wrong again? More seriously, given his reaction, Kuroko was bothered by something related to the basketball club.
"Kuroko-kun, that question..." She had a moment of hesitation. She might be mistaken, but he wouldn't ask something so serious on a whim, "Do you plan to give up on basketball?"
His lips compressed. "I think I will. I joined the basketball club in hope to get into the team but it doesn't seem that day would ever come."
"Your results aren't living up to your expectations?"
"Um," He nodded. "I don't think I'll be able to play in the first-string, or even in the second-string. Yesterday, I tried out for the second-string, but my level is still too low for a club like Teikō. In six months, I've barely made progress,. Even if I'm practicing hard everyday, I'm still nowhere near the level of a member of the first-string. I knew it'd be hard but I can't go on like that... It's somehow frustrating...!"
Kuroko was reaching his limits and let the heavy pressure of club crush his aspirations, as it seemed. Well, she couldn't blame him for that, the Teikō basketball club wasn't exactly the kind of club where hardwork and efforts would always be rewarded for everyone. Just that wasn't enough to raise a team at a national level. And those who got confronted to this reality only had the choice between give up or continue to work hard without any certainty that things would ever work well.
Put it like that, it sure was depressing. She may not be able to put herself in his shoes and find the right words to comfort him because of her own situation. She could only sympathize with his feelings. Nevertheless, even if she would not get a grasp of his whole feelings, she knew about her own. To hear someone gives up after putting his heart and soul to achieve was awfully sad. Not because she pitied them, but rather because they would turn all their efforts to naught.
And, she probably wouldn't be the only one who feel this way.
"Aomine-kun will be sad to lose his basketball partner."
Kuroko reacted to Aomine's name, as if he suddenly remembered him amidst his confusion.
"He looks up to you. Seems like your unwavering determination caught his eyes. Seeing you dedicate your whole self to basketball drives him to do his best more than a game with the best players of the first-string. I sort of understand why he feels this way around someone like you."
The teal-haired boy glanced at her.
"Rather than talent itself, I think people will always be more attracted by someone who never gives up and fights all the way despite their shortcomings. The fact that Aomine-kun is sensitive to that proves that he really likes you."
"I got that feeling too." A faint smile tugged the teal-haired boy's lips. "He did say something like that."
"You did hear him the other day." Ritsu noted with a chuckle.
"Only the end." Kuroko replied softly, "But like him, I really want to hit the court with him. It's just...I don't really know how far I will be able to go on like this."
Ritsu had no answer for that. Apparently, he was giving it a lot thought, he must really hesitate, whether he should give up or not on basketball. That's how much he cared for basketball. He can't let it go that easily.
"Whatever your decide, you'd better tell Aomine-kun about your decision. I doubt he thinks that you're totally devoided of talent for basketball to have made you his practice partner."
"I will." He nodded in a vague manner, still unsure of what he'd do.
Although she wouldn't say selfish and naive things like something good is bound to happen to him and his dreams will be fulfilled if he keeps doing efforts, she wanted him to continue. Despite the lingering impression that his aspirations would remain unfulfilled, it was nothing more than anxiety. As long as he continues, he still has a chance to make things happen, and they sometimes are realized in a way completely different from what he imagined.
And, she didn't know how right she was.
That very same day, a door has been opened for Kuroko.
Short and boring chapter again. I'm in a slump. No, nothing very serious, I just finished watching "Yuri! on Ice", if you've already watched it, you might know what I'm talking about. That anime just cut me deep, and I wasn't expecting it to move my heart so much. From the characters to the ice-skating performances, it was so beautiful and soooo well-written and produced..! And, Katsuki Yuri's free skate program song...no words can describe it. I didn't feel this way since "Kuroko no basket" and "Naruto" ended. Ahah...But I'm going off topic, I just wanna say that the next update won't come very fast.
Until then.