A/N: Slightly happier with this chapter than the previous one and it's a little longer too which is always a good thing, right? Also, I thought that I would let my readers know that I am due back at work tomorrow so I'm not sure when my next update will be. Hopefully I will be able to muster up some motivation to write during my evenings off but I'm not making any promises. I would love it if I could get some reviews as they always give me motivation to continue writing this story. Thanks xxx
A couple of weeks later, Olivia found herself at the mall with her daughters. It was a much needed outing as both girls had hit a growth spurt and were in desperate need of new clothes. Not only that but she was planning to treat herself to some much needed retail therapy in the hopes of improving her mood.
The three of them were making their way through the mall when someone called out her name. At first the voice was unfamiliar but when the person once again called out "Olivia Benson?!" she instantly recognised who was trying to get her attention.
"Cassidy?" She asked in shock as she stopped and turned to see her old colleague approaching her.
"Hey, it's been a long time." Was all he said as he stopped in front of Olivia and the girls who he looked at briefly.
Olivia smiled softly and nodded in agreement. "It has. How are you? How's narcotics?" She asked.
"I'm good and work is...work." Brian shrugged nonchalantly clearly not wanting to talk about the job. He then gestured towards the two children. "And who are these little cuties?" He asked and winked at Zoe who hid behind Olivia's leg shyly.
Liv lifted Zoe onto her hip and wrapped her free arm around Maria's shoulder. Although her oldest had come a long way, she still tended to be weary of strange men and Zoe, much like many children her age, often got shy around any new people. "This," Liv started as she bounced Zoe a little, "is Zoe, my youngest and this one," she gestured down to Maria, "is Maria. Sorry they're a little shy." She added. "Girls, this is Brian. He used to work with Mommy and Daddy a long time ago. Can you say 'hi'?" Maria squeaked out a little greeting before burying her face into her mother's side whilst Zoe lifted her hand a little before laying her head down on Olivia's shoulder.
"'Daddy'?" Brian's eyebrow cocked up questioningly.
Olivia flashed her wedding ring towards him and smiled a little although her heart hurt a little when she thought about her husband. "Elliot and I got married earlier this year." Was all she said.
Brian's eyes widened. "Stabler? Wow, I guess a lot has changed. I didn't think he was your type." He commented and gestured to himself subtly.
Liv gave him a little sharp look. "Well it is coming up to eight years. People change." She said a little defensively.
Cassidy held up his hands as if to say 'I surrender'. "I didn't mean anything by it. Believe it or not, I've grown up a lot since my time at SVU. I'm seeing someone right now actually." He sighed when Olivia didn't comment. "Look, the past is the past and there's nothing stopping us from just being friends is there?"
Olivia thought over his words. It was true that she could do with a friend at the precise period in her life. Sure, she had her girls and she loved spending time with them but with her still not being back at work, she was in desperate need of adult conversation and company. "Uh...well I've got some time off work, how about you come over to my place for dinner one night this week? Feel free to bring someone with you." She suggested. Hopefully Brian bringing his significant other will make the situation a little less awkward and give them all something to talk about.
The two detectives exchanged numbers so Olivia could send him her address and give him a day and time for him to come over before going their separate ways.
Olivia opened the front door and smiled when she saw Brian stood on her doorstep. "Hi, come on in." She stepped aside to allow him entry and took a moment to take a peak out onto the street. Then she closed the door and turned to face her guest. "Anna couldn't make it?" She asked.
Brian looked up from taking off his jacket and shrugged. "Nah. Something came up at work." He told her.
"Never mind. Another time." Liv suggested and gestured for him to follow her into the family room where her two daughters were sat at the coffee table doing some arts and crafts. "Girls, you remember Mommy's friend Brian from the other day?" She announced as she crouched down beside Maria and Zoe who, up until that point, were both engrossed in their activity.
Maria looked at Brian through squinted eyes before going back to her work but Zoe, on the other hand jumped up and went over to the man and showed him the construction paper that was her art project. Olivia smiled softly as she watched her little one describe her picture to Brian who listened intently. She was trying to hide her shock over the fact that Zoe willingly approached him of her own accord. Her usually timid baby girl was quiet around new people but perhaps she was less shy now that Brian was in their home. Perhaps she thought if her Mommy trusted this new stranger, she should too.
Liv's face fell slightly when she realised her older daughter was having a slightly different reaction to Brian's presence. Apart from the small look she gave him, Maria offered up no real greeting. "Maria, Honey, can you stop that for a moment and say 'hi' to Brian? It's the polite thing to do." She told her, taking the felt tip the girl was using out of her hands.
Maria whined a little and went to pick up another one of the art supplies but Olivia was quick in responding by taking a hold of her wrist gently. "Mommy!" The six year old shrieked in protest and tried to get her arm free.
Olivia sighed and stood up, adjusting her grip on her daughter so she was now holding her hand. "Maria, if you don't use your manners there will be no more play time for you for the rest of the evening." She tugged a little and after giving her the stink eye, Maria stood up from where she was kneeling at the coffee table.
"Bwian likes my picture, Mama! I told him he can have it." Zoe babbled as she saw Olivia and Maria approaching where Brian and herself.
"That is so kind of you, Sweet Girl. You did an amazing job on that picture." Olivia praised lightly before nudging Maria slightly. "Brian, you remember my oldest?"
Brian nodded and buried his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "Sure I do." He crouched down in front of the little girl and smiled. "Hi, Maria. Have you been making pictured too?"
Maria nodded once and wordlessly looked up at her mother. "I'm hungry. When will dinner be ready?" She asked, her tone somewhat petulant.
Olivia ignored her attitude and rubbed her daughter's back. "Soon, Honey." She assured, her focus shifting when Brian got up from his squat. "Would you like something to drink? I will have to check but I'm pretty sure Elliot has a beer or two in the fridge."
As Olivia led them all towards the kitchen Brian scanned the family home, a frown taking over his facial expression. "Where is, Stabler?" He enquired as if suddenly realising that the blue eyed man was nowhere to be seen.
Olivia froze momentarily in kitchen doorway, not sure as what she should say. She didn't want this visit to be deep and invasive by going into detail regarding her marital problems – especially with someone whom she hadn't seen in years nor did she want to discuss her current situation in front of her daughters. She already knew that they were missing their daddy and she didn't want to add more stress into their lives. However, she didn't have to contemplate offering any sort of explanation as Zoe piped up.
"Daddy lives with Uncle Fin because he's lonely."
Brian shot Olivia a questioning look but she just shook her head, hoping that he wouldn't question what had just come out of her little girl's mouth. "Take a seat." She told him and directed him towards the the dining table as she made her way towards the fridge. Liv was able to locate a bottle of beer and had just closed the door when there was a loud shriek from over by the dining table.
"No! That's Daddy's spot!" Olivia turned around only to see Maria glaring at Brian who had sprung up from the chair Elliot usually sat on at meal times. His mouth was agape and his eyes had the deer caught in headlight look.
The female detective took in a deep breath before making her next move. "Maria, you do not shout at out guests." She scolded but Maria's only response was to fold her arms over her chest and glare.
It was going to be a long night.
Elliot felt a little silly sat cross legged at Fin's coffee table with a tiara on his head. However, the broad grin on his face never went away as he observed his daughter's prepare their little make shift tea party. Maria was carefully pouring orange juice from the pot into the little pink tea cups whilst Zoe was busy placing cookies onto the little saucers that came with the set tea party set. The little blonde would sneak an extra cookie for herself when she thought her father wasn't looking but Elliot didn't comment. Despite how silly he looked and the cookie-sneaking shenanigans, he was just happy that his kids were happy. He would do anything for his little girls.
"Did you both have a good week?" Elliot asked whilst he watched the two sisters play. He felt like a bad father for not knowing what was going on with his daughter's during the week but his and Olivia's communication was fairly limited. The only time they spoke was when they arranged a time for him to collect the girls, when he picked them up and when he dropped them off.
"Me and Mommy went to the playground yesterday and then we picked 'ria up from school." Zoe commented excitedly.
Elliot smiled and wrapped his arms around the little girl when she jumped into his lap. "That sounds cool. Did you make any friends at the playground?" He enquired and Zoe nodded. Elliot looked across the coffee table at his eldest. "What about you Maria?"
Maria shrugged a shoulder as she continued to focus on juice-pouring. Elliot felt a little pang at this. His oldest daughter had been very quiet and withdrawn that day and he was starting the worry that his and Liv's temporary separation was starting affect their eldest child. He made a mental note to discuss Maria's regression with Olivia when he took them home later on in the evening. Elliot was torn from his train of thought when Maria offered him a verbal response to his question.
"Miss Allie at dance school said that there's a ballet competition soon." She informed him and smiled a little.
"Wow. You'll have to let Mommy and I know when the competition is. We won't miss it for the world." Elliot commented enthusiatically.
"Oh! Mommy's friend Bwian came for dinner. He's funny." Maria's face scrunched up at her little sister's statement.
"He tried to sit in your spot at the table! I told him not to and Mommy got mad at me." The little brunette practically spat.
Elliot frowned at his girls commentary. Who was this 'Bwian' they were talking about? He didn't think they knew anyone called Brian. He thought back to years gone by and that's when it clicked. His daughter's were referring to Brian Cassidy. The slightly dense detective that worked at SVU for about a year back when Liv was relatively new to the department. Since when was his wife in contact with Cassidy?
Although the girls were a good distraction for the rest of the day, Elliot couldn't but keep thinking about the fact that Olivia had a man over to their home for dinner. The more he continued to dwell on it, the more his paranoia began to build.
"She fell asleep on the way back. There was too much going on to make time for a nap." Elliot grumbled out as he brushed past Olivia and made his way into the family room. He gently placed Zoe, who had passed out during the car journey, onto the sofa before getting the blanket from the back of the couch to cover the little girl.
Olivia followed after him after hanging up Maria's coat. "Hopefully she will sleep through the night. Did they have dinner?"
Elliot straightened and turned to her and after looking up at the clock on the wall. "Of course. You think I can't take care of my own kids?" He asked a little harshly.
Liv sighed and rubbed her face before directing her next words to Maria. "You can watch one episode of 'Scooby Doo' and then it's time for bed." She told her before looking back at Elliot and gesturing for him to follow her. Olivia stopped when she reached the formal living room and whirled on her husband. "What's wrong, Elliot?" She sensed his agitated mood as soon as he stepped through the door. Usually when dropped off the girls, he tried to engage with her in conversation. She was the one who gave him the cold shoulder – not the other way around.
"There's a lot of things wrong with this situation, Liv." Elliot said sarcastically. "I'm their dad. I should be here. This part-time parenting isn't for me. I feel like I've missed out on so much these past few weeks."
Olivia scoffed. "And whose fault is that-"
"Why was Cassidy here?" Her husband practically barked but was careful not to raise his voice in case the girls in the opposite room overheard.
Olivia gave him a disbelieving look. "What I do in my spare time is none of your business at the moment." She deadpanned.
"Don't even go there, Liv. Half of this house is mine or have you forgotten that?" He was starting to get more aggravated as the conversation went on.
"Yeah," Liv agreed, "and the other half is mine. I can have whoever I want over."
"I don't want him around the girls." Elliot retorted.
Olivia huffed at his statement. "It's Cassidy. He wouldn't hurt a fly!" She exclaimed when she detected a hint of possessive protectiveness in his tone.
"I don't want him in my house. I don't want him around you!" El raised his voice to match hers.
Liv's eyes widened at that and she felt her face flush with her own anger. "What is that supposed to mean?" She asked dangerously.
Elliot snorted and shook his head. "You damn well know what I mean. Don't think I've forgot about your past with him. How do I know that the other night wasn't just a dinner?"
What came next shocked not just Elliot but also Olivia. It was a jerk reaction. Her hand came up and before she could stop herself, her palm connected with his cheek making it instantly turned red. However, Liv was still fuming so didn't offer up an sort of apology.
"Get out. Now." She ordered rather than asked.
Elliot went to respond but a whimper in the doorway made them both look in that direction only to find their two children huddled together. Maria's arms were wrapped around a tearful Zoe whilst her own tears ran down her cheeks.
"Mommy?" Maria squeaked out before her focus turned to her father. "Daddy?"
El made his way over to the girls and crouched down in front of them. He smiled reassuringly when Zoe looked at him and touched his now tender cheek. "Daddy will see you soon, ok? I love you both. So much." He told them as he cradled the two girls against his chest. Very reluctantly, he puled away only to place a kiss to each of their foreheads. "Be good for Mommy." El then took a brief glance at his wife before leaving the family home.
As soon as she heard the front door click shut, Olivia made a move towards her daughter's but froze when Maria flinched and tightened her hold on her little sister. That's when Liv realised they had both witnessed the slap she had landed on their father. She kicked herself and closed her eyes briefly before taking a deep breath and exhaling in order to calm her nerves. She no longer felt angry just...deflated or more like heartbroken. How did things escalate so quickly? If only she could wind back the clock to when they were all happy. She would do anything to make that happen.
Olivia lowered herself to the floor and sat down. It wasn't the ideal position but she needed to make herself seem less threatening in the eyes of her girls. She had sworn she would never lay her hands on them in anger and she felt like she had betrayed their trust by her regrettable act of violence against her husband. It went against every thing she stood for. To say she was feeling like shit would be an understatement.
"Come here, girls. Mommy needs to talk to you." She said softly, almost in a whisper. Maria and Zoe both eyed her up and down and Olivia knew they were weighing in their minds whether or not she was going to hurt them. That line of thought made Liv feel sick to her stomach.
Maria, being the older sister, took it upon herself to make the decision to shuffle them both toward their mother. Once they were within arms reach, Olivia slowly tugged lightly and settled them on her lap. She placed a kiss to the top of their heads and rocked them only to pause when Maria spoke.
"Why did you hit Daddy?" Olivia hated how confused and hurt her little girl sounded and her guilt increased ten fold.
Olivia shuffled them around in her lap so they were both facing her. She looked them both dead in the eye when she spoke her next words. "Mommy was wrong for doing that. As soon as you're both in bed I will be ringing your daddy to apologise. It's never ok to hit anyone. Can you forgive me?"
The two girls studied her for a few moments before looking at each other. They seemed to have a silent conversation before looking back at their mother. Slowly, they buried themselves into her chest and wrapped their arms around her neck. It was a tight squeeze but Olivia would gladly accept affection from her girls any day of the week.
"We forgive you, Mama." They told her in unison and Olivia felt tears soak her cheeks as she rubbed their backs comfortingly.
'They may have forgive you, but can you ever forgive yourself?' A little voice in the back of her mind niggled at Olivia as she remained in the same place of the living room floor. Liv wasn't sure she knew the answer to that question. She couldn't help but think that if she had never gone undercover, none of this would have ever happened. Her husband wouldn't have needed a new partner, her and Elliot wouldn't have drifted, this kiss never would of happened, their separation wouldn't be a thing, her girls wouldn't be feeling so uncertain about their lives...the list was endles.
Olivia may not have an answer for the the questions circling around them but what she did know was that she had to figure out a way to fix it.
A/N: They still have a long way to go but I'm slowly working towards the Benson/Stabler family getting back to 'normal' so...watch this space. Also, I haven't proof read this chapter because I'm lazy (haha!) so please forgive any mistakes you might come across. x