A/N: Hey! I know it's been a while and I hope people aren't losing interest in this story. I'm constantly thinking about new ideas for this fanfic so there is plenty more in store. Apologies if the ending of this chapter seems slightly rushed, I just wanted to get something up. Also, the last section has not been proof read so if there are any mistakes please try to ignore them. Thanks for reading...xxx
The Stabler family soon found themselves settled back into their weekly routine a couple of weeks after Zoe's hospitalisation. The child spent a week in the hospital under observation and Olivia and Elliot – now reunited – were both equally relieved when they were able to to finally take their baby girl home. During the first week, the two parents spent every moment possible by their child's bedside. Once home, Liv and El decided amongst themselves – with permission from the captain – that Elliot would stay home with Zoe whilst Olivia rather reluctantly returned to work.
Thankfully, Doctor Mitchell was able to reassure them that Zoe didn't show any signs of any long lasting affects resulting from her illness. However, did this not stop Olivia and Elliot worrying about their little girl's health. They had always been protective of their children but now they were even more so. They often found themselves watching Zoe as she slept, looking for any changes in her breathing pattern. A little cough or sneeze from either of the girls had Olivia on edge and reaching for the thermometer. She'd be damned if either of her children ever got sick they way Zoe had been. Elliot had attempted a couple of times to get her to relax but by now he had given up.
It was now the night before Elliot was to return back to work and the couple found themselves in bed having a whispered conversation as their youngest child slept peacefully between them. After a particularly gruelling case that day, Olivia had readily agreed to their little one having a 'sleepover with Mommy and Daddy'.
Olivia was laying on her side with her head propped up on he right hand whilst her left one caressed the soft blonde hair atop of Zoe's head. She looked over at Elliot who was gazing up at the ceiling.
"Maybe we should see if there is a spot available at the stations crèche for Zoe..." Olivia finally voiced her thoughts out loud. The subject had been on her mind all day and she thought that now that they were alone, it was the perfect time to bring it up.
"I thought we decided she was going to go to the daycare by Maria's school?" Elliot questioned after he had turned onto his side so that he was now facing his wife whose attention was now back on the sleeping three year old.
Olivia nodded somewhat absent-minded. "And she still is but that's not until the new year." She sighed when her husband gave her a questioning look. "I think it would just be better for her to be closer to us whilst we're at work. If she goes to the crèche at the precinct – temporarily – we won't have any problems getting to her if she needs us."
Elliot sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before meeting Olivia's gaze. "Liv, we have Abbie-"
"I know," Liv said quickly, "and she's amazing but for now...I just want Zoe to know that one of us, at least, will always be there if she needs us. I will feel better knowing that she's close by."
Elliot took a few seconds to ponder over what she had just said before responding. "Something's bothering you." Olivia opened her mouth to object but he was quick to stop her from doing so. "Don't lie, Honey. You've got that look on your face."
Liv avoided eye contact and dipped her head in order to place a loving kiss on Zoe's forehead. Her eyes widened a little as she looked back over to Elliot. "She feels warm. Does she feel warm to you?" She fired off towards him as she felt the little girls forehead with the back of her hand.
Elliot let her lack of response to his question, which was more of a statement, slide – for now. Instead, he followed Olivia's lead and felt for a temperature on Zoe's cheek. "She's fine, Liv. A little warm but that's probably because she's sandwiched between two adult bodies." He told her. Yes, Zoe was a little toasty but not overly so that they should be concerned.
Olivia's hand moved away from Zoe's face only for her to wrap her arm around her daughter and pull her tiny body closer to her own. She had become so much of an expert in that particular action that the movement didn't even cause the little girl to stir. Or maybe that was because Zoe felt safe enough to remain asleep, perhaps she sensed it was only Mommy who was now clutching onto her tightly?
"We could have lost her, El." Olivia's tone was soft but Elliot still heard the slight whimper and crack in her voice.
Elliot reached out and wrapped his own arm around his wife and their youngest daughter in order to comfort Liv. "We didn't lose her. She's right here – happy and healthy. We didn't lose her."
Olivia sniffled and buried her nose into the crown of Zoe's head. She took in a deep breath and was able to smell the distinct baby scent that Liv could only describe as 'Zoe'. "It was all my fault." Her eyes were closed as she spoke, not wanting to look her husband in the eye as she said those words.
The blue eyed detective froze at her last statement, his hands halfway tangled in her soft brunette locks. "What?" He asked, unsure on where this conversation was going. Elliot had an ominous feeling about what she was referring to and he prayed to god that he could get her through her unjustified guilt.
His wife looked up at him, her eyes wet with unshed tears. "I should have taken her to the ER as soon as her fever spiked." At this, Olivia groaned in frustration and swiped at her eyes when tears escaped from them. "Why did I wait so long? She was sick for so long and I just left her to suffer. I was too wrapped up in my own bullshit to realise that my baby girl was hurting so bad. I'm an awful mother." She was rambling now. More to herself than to her companion.
Elliot's eyes widened at Olivia's verbal attack on herself and shook his head. He cupped her cheek and stroked it tenderly. "Don't ever say that. What happened with Zoe could have happened to any other child in the world. Even if she had gotten medical attention sooner, the fact of the matter is that she had meningitis – it was in her system. Don't torture yourself over something you had no control over."
"But-" Olivia began to protest.
"No buts." Elliot said strongly. "She's right here. She's safe. You can't keep beating yourself up over this." Olivia still looked uncertain but she gave El a soft smile as a reward for his efforts in calming her nerves. "Look, if it will make you feel better I guess there is no harm in getting her in at the crèche for a bit. I'm sure Zoe will think that it's really cool that she gets to go to work with Mommy and Daddy."
Olivia's smile widened and she wordlessly leant forward and kissed her husband before pulling back so she could look at him. "I love you." She whispered lovingly. Her smile faded a little as she caressed his cheek, the same one she had struck a few weeks beforehand. "I still haven't apologised for that slap I gave you. I-"
Elliot shook his head and took her hand in his own before placing a small kiss to her palm. "It's in the past. We both said and did things we regret. The main thing is that we're both aware of where we went wrong. Sure, we may never have the perfect marriage but this," he gestured towards the occupied space between them before glancing around the room as if to reference their home and everything it represented, "is pretty amazing. I love you and nothing could ever change that. You – and our girls – are my everything."
After talking some more about some of their random thoughts and feelings, the two decided to call it a night when they realised it was coming up to two o'clock in the morning. As they settled into each other's arms, they were completely unaware of two little eyes watching them from the crack in the door.
Maria was stood outside her parents bedroom door. She was just about to enter the room so and crawl into Mommy and Daddy's bed but stopped when she heard the soft murmurs of the two adults in the room. She decided against making her presence known and instead stood stock still to try and figure out what they were talking about.
'Probably Zoe...again.' The six year old thought to herself bitterly. At first, Maria was excited about getting a little sister but that excitement soon turned to resentment. In the little girl's mind, everything was fine right up until her sister came into their lives. First Mommy left and daddy was sad, then mommy came home and so did Zoe. After that Mommy and Daddy were always fighting and then Daddy left! Then Zoe got sick which made Mommy and Daddy sad but now Zoe was home but Mommy was still sad. Even through the darkness, Maria could tell that Mommy was crying again and it was all because of Zoe.
It was always 'Zoe this' and 'Zoe that'. The eldest Benson-Stabler girl was starting to get really angry at even the mere thought of her little sister. It felt like Olivia and Elliot didn't have time for Maria any more and everything seemed to be about the little blonde. Even now, Zoe was in Maria's spot in Mommy and Daddy's bed. No one asked Maria if she wanted to have a sleepover in her parents room.
Maria felt tears pool in her eyes as she watched her parents snuggle with her little sister. The young brunette couldn't help but feel like she didn't matter any more. Mommy and Daddy had Zoe now. They didn't need her. Zoe was cute and a baby but Maria was just...Maria.
Before a sob could escape, Maria quickly hurried back to her room and buried herself into her bed. The comforter was pulled over her head as she clutched tightly onto her favourite stuffed bear. It took a while but Maria eventually fell into a fitful sleep full of nightmares where Mommy and Daddy left with Zoe and leaving Maria all alone.
That Friday night, the Stabler foursome were joined for dinner by the rest of the squad as well as Alex, Casey, Melinda and George. Olivia and Elliot had decided to host the dinner in order to celebrate another case solved and to just catch up with their extended family.
Food had been consumed and now the small gathering was sat around the dining room table talking amongst themselves over coffee. Olivia let out a laugh as she listened to Munch talk off Elliot's ear about a new JFK conspiracy theory as she ran her fingers through Maria's long hair that was almost down to her waist. The little girl was currently tucking into her brownie and ice cream happily.
Liv was glad that her eldest daughter seemed to be enjoying herself that evening as lately, the mother had noticed that Maria had seemed a little...off. She was quiet and sullen as opposed to her usual bubbly and giggly self. Elliot had tried his best to assure her that Maria was probably just trying to work out her own thoughts and feelings regarding what had been going on recently but Olivia couldn't help but think that it was something else that was causing the change in her little girl.
The brunette detective was torn from her thoughts when she felt a small tug on the sleeve of her shirt. She looked down and her smile widened a little as she saw her youngest standing beside her with her arms up as if to say 'I want cuddles'.
"Hey, Baby. Are you finished with your desert?" Olivia asked as she picked up a napkin and wiped Zoe's face free of the chocolate that had been smeared all over it.
Zoe nodded and with a fisted hand, she rubbed at one of her eyes. "Up, Mommy."
"You wanna sit with 'Ria and I?"
At the sound of the shortened version of her name, Maria looked back at her mother before looking at her little sister. Olivia could have sworn the older girl shot Zoe a stink eye before going back to her desert but Liv was quick to shrug the thought away as Zoe once again demanded to be placed on her mother's lap.
Olivia expertly shifted Maria to one knee whilst at the same time, lifted Zoe onto the other. The three year old immediately curled into her mother's chest and her thumb went into her mouth – a sign that she was growing tired and fast.
After realising her change of position, Maria abandoned her sweet treat and turned in her mother's lap. "No!" She screeched when she saw her sister was now also nestled between herself and Liv. "I was here first!" One of her little hands reached out and she poked at Zoe which caused the little girl to whine and swipe at her older sister. "Get off. Go sit with Daddy. I was here first." Why did her sister have to ruin everything? She was enjoying having Mommy all to herself and then suddenly, Zoe comes along and ruins everything.
Olivia was quick to react when Maria went to once again prod at Zoe. "That's enough, Maria. You can both sit with Mommy. There's plenty of room." She insisted.
Maria huffed in annoyance and looked away from the younger girl who she now had to share Olivia's lap with. "Stupid Zoe. My mommy first." She grumbled to herself. Her words were too quiet for Olivia to hear. The final straw was when Zoe accidentally kicked Maria in her side as she shifted to get more comfortable. "Stop it!" Maria whined and poked her sister only for Zoe to retaliate.
"Girls, this is your last warning. If neither of you can sit nicely on my lap then you will both be going to bed." Olivia spoke sternly as she placed her free arm between her two daughters who were glaring at one another. Zoe was quick to comply and snuggled into Olivia as she closed her eyes about ready to fall asleep there and then. However, Maria turned her stare onto her mother who met her gaze. "Maria? Are you going to behave?"
Elliot had been watching the exchange between his three girls and up until that point, he thought that Liv had it under control. Unfortunately, Maria seemed to be deep in one of her particularly defiant moods and was still staring Olivia down. El decided to intervene right then and there before the situation escalated. He did so by slapping the table top slightly to get his oldest child's attention. Maria turned her head only to be met with her father's warning glare and subtle shake of his head. The glare fell from Maria's face and she promptly nodded as a way of answering her mother's question. "I'll be good." She supplied as an added reassurance.
There was about ten minutes of peace until Maria decided that she was sleepy too. She went to lay back against her mother but Liv pushed against her back slightly. "Careful, Sweetheart. You don't want to squish your sister and wake her."
Maria whined and rubbed her eyes. "But I'm sleepy, Mama."
Olivia caressed her daughter's hair and looked over at her husband who was half looking in their direction whilst still engaging in conversation with their dinner guests. "Why don't you give Daddy some cuddles? He looks pretty lonely over there all by himself."
"I was here first, why can't she sit with Daddy?" Maria bemoaned.
Liv sighed softly and shook her head. It had been a long day and, much like her daughter's, she was started to become tired herself by that point. Was it rude to excuse herself so she could retire to bed? Maybe she could use to kids to her advantage at this point in the evening? Brushing away the thoughts of her warm and inviting bed, her focus was once again on Maria. "Zoe is already asleep and I don't want to disturb her. Go sit with Daddy."
Maria remained on Olivia's lap and didn't make another peep for a few minutes but then before Olivia could even react, the six year old suddenly lashed out at her little sister who jolted awake in shock as soon as Maria's palm connected with her forearm. Silence engulfed the room as the sudden sound of the harsh skin to skin contact reverberated around the room but the silence was soon disturbed by the little blonde who burst out into tears from the sudden shock to her system.
Olivia jumped into action and wrapped her arms around Zoe and began rocking back and forth as she whispered comforting words to the little girl. Whilst Olivia was working on getting their youngest to settle down, Elliot focused on their eldest.
"Maria! Go to your room right now!" He roared as he stood up from the dining room table.
Maria climbed off of Olivia's lap but made no move to leave the room. "It's not my fault! It's her fault! I was sitting with Mommy first!" She spat out, her fists clenched down by her sides as she met her father's stare.
"To your room." Elliot pointed in the general direction of the stairs. His daughter lifted her head and obnoxiously crossed her arms over her chest. "Now!" Elliot's voice once again boomed and bounced of the walls.
The girl jumped and her arms fell back down to her sides. "I hate you. I hate all of you!" She screeched and before anyone else could scold her, she scampered off to her room.
Elliot moved so he was stood beside his wife who was still comforting Zoe who was now only sniffling, her thumb still in her mouth. "Is she ok?" He asked Olivia as he inspected the little girls girl. It was slightly red but he didn't think it would leave a mark.
Olivia nodded as she cradled Zoe lovingly. "I think she's more shocked than hurt. She'll be fine." She shook her head and a look of confusion had taken over her facial expression. "Why would she do such a thing?" She asked now referring to Maria.
El sighed and shook his head as he dug his hands into his the pockets of his jeans. "Beats me but there will be no repeat performance once I'm through with her that's for sure."
By this point, the two detectives had completely forgotten that they had an audience and both of them looked around the table when they heard a throat being cleared. Their focus zeroed in on Don who had stood up from his seat.
"I think it's about the right time to call it a night. You both look exhausted and I have a feeling that you won't be going to bed any time soon. Go deal with your kids and we'll see ourselves out." The captain said in a commanding tone. Olivia went to stop their guests from leaving but Cragen held up a hand as if to say 'stop'. "I'll see you both bright and early Monday morning." He interjected before giving subtle looks towards the rest of their make shift family. The gang all knew that specific look and they were well aware that it was in their best interest to do as the captain said therefore, they were quick to follow the lead of their colleague.
Goodbyes were said and before Olivia and Elliot knew it, they were left alone in their dining room with their youngest daughter who had now fallen back into a peaceful slumber. "I think we should get Zoe into bed and then talk to our little rebel." Liv spoke as she stood up, being careful not to jostle the three year old in her arms. Elliot simply nodded in agreement and followed her out of the room and to the upper level of their home.
They had made quick work in changing Zoe into her pyjamas and tucking her into bed. Once they were satisfied with their work, Olivia and Elliot made their way across the hall to their oldest daughter's room. Liv wasted no time in opening the door but she was not prepared for the sight that greeted her.
Olivia was expecting Maria to be sulking and stubborn, if not openly defiant. However, the six year old was sat up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest and rocking herself back and forth. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and sobs were making her little body physically shake.
"Maria?"
Maria jumped and her head shot up at the sound of her mother's voice. She looked over Liv's shoulder and shook her head quickly when she saw Elliot standing behind Olivia. "I'm sorry. Daddy, I'm sorry. Don't hurt me."
Olivia and Elliot shared a look and Liv felt her heart constrict when she saw the look of guilt on her husbands face. Taking the lead in the situation, Olivia took a deep breath before going over to the bed and sitting down beside her daughter. She hooked a finger under Maria's chin and lifted her head so she could look her little girl in the eye.
"Sweetheart, you know your daddy will never ever hurt you." Olivia spoke softly but firmly.
Maria's eyes shifted to look at Elliot who was now crouched down beside the bed before they found their way back to Liv's soft brown orbs. "He shouted. Really loud. He's mad, you're mad. You both hate me." She tried to choke back a sob but was unsuccessful.
Olivia sighed and shook her head to express her disbelief in their current situation. Although Maria was in slightly hot water but she couldn't just sit and watch her baby sob her little heart out and not offer some sort of comfort. Liv wrapped her arms around Maria and rubbed her back soothingly. It took a few minutes, but Maria was eventually reduced to small sniffles.
The brunette detective pulled back and cupped Maria's face in her hands. "Me and Daddy could never hate you. You're our little girl and nothing you ever say or do will change that."
Maria looked unconvinced by her mother's words. "But he shouted, really loud. He's angry."
Elliot chose that moment to join in on the conversation and sat down on the bed so that Maria was now between he and his wife. "Maria, Mommy and I are disappointed and...confused." He breathed an inward sigh of relief when his little girl didn't flinch as he placed a hand on her back. "Why did you hit your sister like that?"
Maria glanced down on her lap and wrung her hands together nervously. When she failed to respond to Elliot, Olivia decided to be slightly more firmer with her. "Maria, your father asked you a question. We expect an answer."
The first grader shrugged and looked at one parent and then the other before bowing her head once again. She mumbled dejectedly so it was impossible for Olivia and Elliot to hear. Liv sighed and shook her head before lifting the girl up and onto her lap so she was sitting sideways. "Look at us when you're talking, Honey. We all know you know how to use your manners."
"You love Zoe more than me." Her voice was soft and the words were almost a whisper but Olivia and Elliot were still able to hear them.
Olivia's mouth fell open and she looked over at Elliot over the top of their daughter's head, not knowing whether or not she had heard correctly. However, as soon as she saw the sad look on El's face, her thoughts were confirmed.
"Oh, Baby. Why would you say something like that?" Liv asked as she dipped her head so she could see her child's face.
Maria looked at her father who nodded as if prompting her to answer her mother's question. "Because...you didn't let me have a sleepover and she did and...she's a baby and never gets into trouble. Zoe your baby now. You don't need me." Her bottom lip trembled as she tried to describe her confusing feelings.
A look of realisation was echoed on the two adults faces as Maria's words sunk in. It was now Elliot who cradled her face in his hands. "None of that is anywhere near the truth, Angel Face. Mommy and I love you and your sister equally and of course we need you. You are – and always will be – a part of this family. You're our princess, remember?"
Maria smiled at her father's words. "You mean that? I'm still your princess?"
Elliot frowned and stroked her cheek. "Of course you are."
"But...you call Zoe 'Princess' too." The six year old pointed out.
"Mommies and Daddies are allowed to have more than one princess but...I only have one Angel Face – you – and one Pumpkin – Zoe." Elliot told her simply. "Now, you know and we know that hitting is not ok, right?" He moved onto the next pressing issue. Maria nodded sadly to confirm she did know that violence was never the best option. "So, don't you think you owe your sister an apology in the morning?" He received a small nod in confirmation. "Good girl. Now, come here and give Daddy a hug." El opened up his arms and sighed happily when Maria dove into his chest and wrapped her little arms around his neck. His own arms enveloped her in a protective embrace and his eyes met with Olivia who smiled softly at him and reached out to take a hold of his hand.
After some more cuddle time, Olivia and Elliot explained to Maria that her TV privileges were to be taken away for a week as punishment. Maria gracefully accepted this and snuggled down under the comforter on her bed as her Mommy and Daddy tucked her into bed for the night after she had changed into her pyjamas.
Once they were sure she was asleep, Olivia and Elliot left the room and shared a victorious high five.
"We've got this parenting thing down, Partner." Olivia commented before lacing her fingers with her husbands. She winked cheekily as him before leading him towards their own bedroom, swinging her hips in a sultry manner as she walked.
Their family may not be perfect but they were both pretty sure that what they had was pretty damn good.