Alex blinked hard into the near pitch black of the bedroom. They'd installed night cycle lights throughout the ship, but they were too bright for the bedrooms. However, the pitch black was disconcerting to almost everyone, alien or no.

[Lyra's meltdown in the first few weeks when Lyron tried to enforce a sleeping in designated areas policy had compelled Alex to find a solution. The Valarian wasn't the only alien refuge uncomfortable in the dark.]

So, El had designed and manufactured 'moon lights'. Essentially, low voltage white lights which could be placed in small corners of the bunks. Alex had to admit, it was much less unsettling then waking each morning to an empty void.

But it wasn't morning yet – the cycles hadn't switched over. There was no flash of light letting her know the hour, there was no bustle outside her rooms.

So why was she awake?

"No," the muffled sound from across the room had Alex leaning up on an elbow. Ky.

The low light only gave off enough that Alex could see the shadows of her form. The sheets looked tangled, half off the bed.

"No-" it chocked off this time. The rustling of the mattress. Alex found herself swinging her legs off the bed and padding over slowly. "Please-"

Alex knelt on the cool metal of the floor, feeling it seep into the material of her sweats. Her hands suspended over the eleven-year-olds form.

"I-" the girls words caught in her throat, and she tossed again, spine arching. Something close to a sob clawed out of her throat.

"Ky, sweetheart," Alex murmured, leaning up and closer – still not touching.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered. Fingers clenching in the bed – leg kicking out – Alex felt herself unable to hold back.

"Ky, baby," she touched an arm to her too hot skin, letting her fingers curl around a shoulder. "You're okay." Which wasn't entirely true. Alex had seen enough nightmares, had had enough nightmares, to know that no matter how false or far or fantasied the dream, it stuck with you. It lingered in your consciousness, dragging you down into its murky depths.

A whimper, followed by a gasped "someone, please," and another shudder. It ripped through the girl's body – her fingers digging so hard into the mattress that they penetrated, nails catching on the springs.

It wasn't until the small, stuttering "help" that escaped Ky's lips that Alex gave up all pretense.

Pretending that Ky was just any other crew member was a daily exercise in denial. Pretending that letting her crash in her rooms, helping her with her science homework, teaching her how to throw a punch, was just a casual relationship was utter nonsense. Alex knew this, on some level, but didn't have the language, the bandwidth, to articulate an alternative.

But listening to the girl whimper, the fear that was seeping from her very skin, the curl of her body when the tension left it… unacceptable. No matter the denial, no matter the boundaries.

Alex felt herself clambering into the single bed before she processed what she was doing. She carefully tucked herself behind Ky, letting her naturally mirror the curl of her body. Letting her press back and shudder and whimper and whine.

"I got you," Alex whispered into her hair, pressing her forehead to the back of her head. "You're safe, it's okay," she kept murmuring, feeling the girl relax around her.

She breathed in the smell of panic and fear and felt her chest contract. Let it sink into her own skin – tried to absorb the hurt. Alex tightened her hold around the girl's waist, even as she started to sooth, to settle. And she made a promise, a promise that Ky would hear many times over the next three years. Would year for the rest of her life. "I won't let anything happen – I'll always protect you."

Ky had… never seen her mother like this.

Like. Arguably, they'd spent more time together than the vast majority of family units while on the Exodus. There wasn't anywhere to go. So, they were close – close enough that even the kids at school could see it (as dumb as they were).

But she'd never seen her mother like this.

She shuffled around the apartment fluffing cushions and squinting at already straight paintings and dusting. Ky could not believe she was watching her mother dust?

What the fuck.

This was much worse than the muted anxiety that clung to her on the drive up to Midvale. But apparently, this was normal. Because when Kara arrived early, she was already on damage control. Corralling Alex onto the couch, setting up the food, corralling Alex onto the bar stools when she escaped the couch. Lots of it's gonna be okay and remember the human sized bug? You got this.

But Ky didn't need her aunts super hearing to know that her mother's heart was going too fast. She was twisting her hands into her sweater and biting her lip and every single sound from the corridor had her jumping. Wincing.

Honestly, it was bizarre.

She hadn't seen her this stressed… ever. Not even when crew were kidnapped or they were running out of fuel or something went wrong in the engine room. Or maybe, Ky amended, watching how her shoulders curved, this was a different kind of stressed? Like, an attack you know is coming but can't do a lot about.

Lucy and Maggie arriving was almost a relief, at least it gave her mother's mind something else to focus on. Kinda. This might the least amount of attention she'd ever paid to the four women in the apartment with her. Maggie and Kara tried to distract her, messing around in the kitchen, but Alex seemed only half interested.

"Hey," Lucy. Which was… nice. Ky had come to appreciate her more hands-off approach to most problems. She was… less outwardly emotional to the rest of them. Made it easier to breath sometimes. "How you doing?"

Ky just shrugged, eyes still half tracking her mother's anxiety. Lucy followed her line of sight and frowned. "She usually gets like this when Eliza visits, don't worry."

Ky's eyes dragged down, grimacing. That was the rub – was this about her? Alex had explained the whole adopted alien daughter thing the last time. So… this seemed an excessive response. She can't have always been like this around her mom right? It had to be Ky.

"Hey, stop that," Lucy sat on the coffee table, right in front of the Martian. "That," she waved a hand at Alex's twitchy form. "Has nothing to do with you okay?"

Ky bit her lip, looking between them. "Then what?"

Lucy exhaled loudly, thinking about how to articulate this. "Alex and her mom have always been light lighter fluid and an open flame."

"But why?" Because, even though Ky hadn't grown up with a mom, she had one now. She Alex was just… always there. She never made her feel anxious or uncomfortable or nervous – she couldn't imagine being this freaked out over her own mother. Ever.

Lucy didn't want to say too much, not without Alex's explicit consent – but she knew Ky needed more explanation. "Before you guys left," she explained slowly, choosing each word. "It was about Kara, and Alex protecting her." Ky knew her mom felt responsible for literally everyone, her sister in particular – that came from her mom? "And when you guys came back, it was about her dad, and Alex protecting him."

Something like fear caught in Ky's chest – her breath leaving her. Jeremiah. The man who forcibly deported her. The man who stole her name off a list and had three large, masked men, kick down the room to her dormitory and drag her bodily into an unmarked van. The man responsible for over a hundred Exodus crew deaths.

"Eliza wants Alex to protect him?" She whispered, tension creeping up her shoulders.

"Eliza still thinks of Jeremiah as her husband, and a Cadmus hostage," Lucy tried to explain – even when her mind disagreed – even when her heart protested – even when rage welled in her veins. But, even if Alex and Kara were in denial, she could see exactly how this evening could unravel – and Ky didn't deserve to be blindsided.

"But he-" she waved a hand around. There weren't even words.

"I know," Lucy assured. "I'm not saying it makes sense – I'm just saying that's what's happening. This isn't about you, okay? Alex is just… stressed."

Which, yes. Ky could see that. Could see that in the way that Maggie and Lucy's hadn't brought any booze. In the way Kara was keeping one eye on her sister at all times. Could see that in the way Alex was ruining the sleeves of her jumper one twist at a time. Could see that her mom was being put in a horrible position by hermom.

"Ky, hey," Lucy said, lowering her voice and waiting for their eyes to meet. She didn't think she'd ever seen the director look so soft – look so concerned for her. It was… nice? "If things go badly tonight, I got your back okay?" She waved a hand at the rest of the guests. "We all do – but tonight, if you're uncomfortable or have to leave, just look at me and we'll find somewhere less intense to be, alright? No questions asked."

Ky bit her lip, glancing at her mom one last time before looking back. "No questions asked?"

"Lawyers honor," and she offered her hand. Her lips turned at the corners with something close to humor when Ky eyed it for a moment. Finally, some of that teenage sass Lucy had come to appreciate washed across the girl's face.

Reaching back, she shook her hand once. "Not sure what a lawyer's honor is worth, but I'll take it."

Someone knocked on the door.

Ky and Lucy stood up to face the music – it didn't go unnoticed by the teenager that her mom's partner put her body indirectly between her and the door. That was… nice?

Leaning around the protective director, she watched in mildly concern as Maggie took a moment to touch a hand to Alex's cheek, murmuring something to her. Only when Alex nodded back and clambered to her feet did she turn around, running a soothing hand down her wrist.

Kara answered, a muted kind of excitement in her voice. "Eliza, so glad you found the place."

"Kara," the older women swept into her youngest's arms, squeezing hard before pulling back and appraising her. "You look great, sweetie."

"Thanks," but Ky knew her aiahv's genuine smile – that wasn't it.

"Hey mom," Alex's voice was steady, but quiet. It was honestly disconcerting to hear her mom sounding… almost meek? Scared. But she'd seen her mom scared before. This was scared and… small.

"Alexandra," Ky flinched at that, furrowing her brows at how everyone seemed to find that as uncomfortable as she did. What the fuck. Ky had assumed it was an occasional thing, when they'd gone down to Midvale. But Eliza seemed unbothered by it all, stepping forward to accept the hug from her eldest while Kara closed the door and leaned on it. Watching. Waiting.

Everyone seemed to be waiting.

"How are you? You look a little tired, sweetie," she tucked some of the loose hair away from Alex's face. Ky felt indignation swell in her chest. Hotter and angrier than she'd felt in a while. What the fuck. "Been stretched a little thin?"

"No more than normal."

"Hey Dr. Danvers," Maggie interjected, playing peacemaker while everyone else seethed. Just a little. Just enough.

"Maggie," Eliza turned on the other women, wrapping her in a hug as well. While distracted, Ky made her way around the couch, Lucy a half step behind, to stand just behind her mom's shoulder.

"And Ky," Eliza's smile was genuine. She looked happy to see her – her granddaughter. But Ky didn't find herself smiling back – she jammed her hands in her pockets and leaned more into her mom's orbit. "How are you, dear?"

"Can't complain," she shrugged, feeling tension curl in her chest.

Lucy came up beside Maggie, tangling their fingers and squeezing. Feeling the tension raise in everyone in the room.

"Director," Eliza's voice didn't change. But her eyes narrowed, and she didn't reach for a hug.

"How was your flight?" Lucy asked, all polite court room smiles.

"Oh, it was fine," she turned on a heel to grab something resting on her luggage, lifting it up onto the kitchen counter. "A little bumpy, you know how it is," she smiled pulling out a dish from her suitcase. "Chocolate pecan pie," she raised the dish with a smile, already opening the fridge to store it.

"Best dessert in the galaxy," Kara tried for excitement, but landed very far south. "My favorite."

"I know dear."

What the fuck?

Ky was new to Earth. And to having a family. Having a mom. But this felt… wrong. Like they were all out of step. Like every adult in the room was speaking a different language than she was – that there were words under the words that she couldn't hear and it was making everyone but Eliza varying degrees of hurt and upsetand in Maggie's case absolutely seething.

She bumped her shoulder against the back of her moms, trying to knock her out of her silence.

"Would you all mind if we had dinner before the tour?" Eliza asked, eyeing the open plan living space. "I didn't eat before the airport and I am famished." Ky considered what famished actually looked like with a frown.

"Course," Alex answered, expression stiff as her spine.

Everyone bustled to get the table set – Maggie had cooked enough lasagna that even the Kryptonian menace would be satiated. There was salad and garlic bread – it was lovely. And, normally, dinner with these women (sans Eliza) were her favorite meals. They were always so soft and warm and safe. Maggie was easy to get along with – she'd been protective since before she knew who Ky was. And Kara had jumped on board the aunt train without a thought, even in her awkward bumbling way. Lucy had been the hardest to get comfortable around, and it was still sometimes a little stilted. But she was sturdy and reliable and always, always, kept an extra eye out for her. Ky loved these women – they were her family. Yet the tension at the table was making her itch to run.

"So, Ky," her mom stiffened next to her at the head of the table. "How're you finding school?"

Lucy, directly across from her, winked. It took the edge off enough that she could answer. "Ah, it's fine," she shrugged, not looking towards the other head of the table. "Boring mostly."

"Do you find it challenging?" Ky twisted her lips, moving salad around her plate.

"Not really. On the Exodus…" She winced, trailing off. In the corner of her eye she saw Alex duck her head encouragingly. Smiling for her kid even when she didn't feel it. "On the Exodus we did a lot of advanced math and science, so those classes are pretty painful."

"What about English? History? Those are what Kara struggled with when she first got here."

Ky shrugged again, feeling Kara shift next to her. "It's fine."

"Well, how are your grades?" Ky blinked at the sudden sound of warping metal, followed up the clutter of her mom's fork being dropped.

Alex's hands steepled in front of her face instead. Lucy's hand vanished under the table. "Mom." A warning if Ky had ever heard one.

"What?" Eliza's genuinely perplexed voice had Maggie grinding her teeth next to the woman in question. "She needs to be educated if she wants a chance at a normal life."

Kara carefully placed down her cutlery as well, leaning a back a little in her chair. The tension inched up.

"You know I'm an alien, yeah?" Ky asked, glancing around at the very tense table. "Like… normal is kinda a pipe dream."

"Yes, but your peers don't know that," Eliza dismissed, taking a bite.

Ky's eyes widened, glancing at her mom. "Ah…"

"What?" Eliza looked around, everyone but Alex suddenly uncomfortable. And Alex, keeping fury at bay by the edges of her teeth. "Am I missing something?"

"Ky's out at school," Alex responded, keeping her fingers locked together and her eyes set on her mother. The anxiety was gone – washed away by this cold fury in her mother's face. This was more familiar territory for Ky.

"What?" The sheer shock and horror in Eliza's voice had Ky's stomach dropping. Had her leaning away, pressing her back as hard into the chair as she could. Kara's hand found her leg, squeezing just once, but not taking her eyes of the verbal battle about to ensue.

"They know she's an alien."

"Alexandra, what were you thinking?" Alex flinched, just barely, at her full name, but didn't back down. Things had changed, she couldn't just let her mother steam roll her anymore – not with Ky involved.

"I was thinking that she's fourteen and entitled to make those decisions for herself."

"She's a child," which, yeah. Technically accurate. But Ky felt the four years she spent fighting for her life in space entitled her to a little more status then that. "Do you know the risk's your letting her take?"

"I mean," Ky interjected, feeling her mother gear up for a fight. She knew that set of her jaw. "I'm a Martian, so if something goes really wrong, I can always switch up the look," she didn't add how much she'd personally hate doing that. Didn't express how attached she was to this version of herself, the one she'd built with Alex, with these people. But her mom looked ready to flip the table, so peacemaking it was.

"It might not be a risk for you, Ky," Eliza placed her fork down with a snap. "But the risk you are putting Kara in-"

The reaction was instant.

Alex was on her feet, hands pressed against the wood of the table, right fingers whitening. Her chair almost tipped back for how hard she stood. Kara exhaled shakily, squeezing her eyes closed, and pressed her hand a little harder against Ky's leg – a reassurance. Meanwhile, Maggie went from frustrated to murderous, though she looked down to hide her expression. Lucy was the only one who remained in the realm of calm, eyes carefully taking in her girlfriends rolling fury. But her face was set.

"Stop – don't even think about finishing that sentence."

"Alexandra, if people start asking questions about-"

"What?" Alex's voice was hard. "About my family?"

"Well, yes-"

"More questions than you caused by holding a funeral for me?" Disbelief. "Pretending I was dead?"

"Oh, so that's what this is about-"

"No, this is about you not respecting this family."

"How dare you-"

"Did you even ask?" Alex cut in. Her voice quieter than before. Just as furious, just as pained, but more controlled. "Did you ask anyone else at this table what they wanted? Before you put a gravestone with my name on it in the cemetery and held a burial?"

"You're my daughter, it was my decision to make!"

The captain's eyes narrowed. "You don't think that Kara deserved a say? That Lucy and Maggie might have had something to add?"

Silence.

"I couldn't have known you were alive," Eliza sighed, leaning back in her chair with stubborn pained eyes. "I did what I had to."

"You don't have the monopoly on loving me, mom! You barely even have a shareholding."

Eliza eyes shined, but her jaw set. "We needed closure."

Alex's whole body seized with tension. "No, you needed closure. Anyone else's needs be damned," she spat it like a curse. The rage at her mother's actions tumbling out like acid. "Exactly like when dad died."

The silence that followed was so complete, all that could be heard was Alex's harsh breathing. Something like retribution permutated Eliza's eyes.

"Oh, so we're allowed to talk about your father now?"

Alex jerked away from the table, eyes finding the ceiling while her fists clenched. She breathed deep and slow for a moment, trying to find the strands of her calm – trying to stitch together a plan that didn't involve hurting the wrong people anymore then she already had tonight.

Lucy tapped the table gently, just enough that Ky glanced over. She had that serious look from earlier in the night, a question behind her eyes.

Ky nodded. Lucy was on her feet immediately.

"Alex," her voice was soft but firm. It took a second, but she eventually met her girlfriends' eyes. "I'm gonna take Ky out, text me when you need us home, yeah?"

The teenager noticed that Lucy wasn't giving a choice about the taking– just the returning part. Alex looked at Ky for affirmation – that this is what she wanted – that she was good – and then nodded, exhaling carefully. She kissed Lucy's cheek and snagged Ky's shirt, pulling her into a quick hug.

Alex held her for a moment, breathing in the fact that her kid was safe, here on Earth with her. And she would never let anything take that away.

"That was…"

"Rough, yeah," Lucy finished, leading them down the street.

Ky kicked at the footpath; hands buried in her jacket pockets. "Are they always like that?"

Lucy tipped her head each way. "That was a little worse than normal."

"Because of Jeremiah?"

"Because of Jeremiah."

"Oh," she kicked again, gnawing on her lip.

"Did you know I have an older sister?"

Ky whipped her head around, eyes wide. "Ah… no?"

"Yeah," Lucy smiled but didn't turn her head away from the street up ahead. "Her and my dad used to fight like that. All the time."

"Why?"

Lucy hummed, tilting her head. "After my mom died, my father had two girls he didn't really know how to deal with. So, he did what any good military leader would," Lucy smirked. "He instituted a chain of command. Lois reported to him-"*

"And you reported to her?" Ky couldn't keep the disbelief from her voice. Out of everyone in that room upstairs, Lucy seemed the least likely to accept that kind of arrangement.

"Yeah – it took sibling rivalry to a whole new level," Lucy looked back at her with a smile. "Drove a wedge between us honestly, and we still haven't recovered from it. But," she looked forward again, navigating them towards the closest ice cream place. "She and my dad never saw eye-to-eye on anything – including me. Everything was a fight, every dinner a battlefield. It sucked."

"Okay…"

"But just because they were fighting about me, or around me, didn't mean it actually had anything to do with me," Lucy explained, turning a corner. "At the time I thought it did – I tried to play peacemaker, get between them, but that wasn't my job. I couldn't fix what I hadn't broken."

"So, you're telling me not to feel guilty about what just happened?"

"Do you feel guilty?"

Ky shrugged again, watching her feet. "I'm a Danvers' aren't I?"

"Hey," the sudden fingers locking around the zipper of her jacket forced her to rotate, facing Lucy. "Don't internalize that, okay? Alex's guilt complex doesn't have to be yours too."

"Easy to say."

"Harder to do – I know. But Alex's guilt comes from her mom. And her dad. They made Kara her responsibility before she could even drive. Before she had a chance to figure out how to be herself. Alex isn't going to do the same thing to you – not on purpose. And if she is, you need to talk to her about it."

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ky thought back. Yeah – no matter how bad things got, her mom had made damn sure to keep that as far away from her as possible. Shielded her as much as the Exodus experience allowed. Even now, back on Earth, the pressure to be normal, fit in, get good grade… wasn't coming from Alex. It was coming from her.

"It's hard."

"I know."

Ky worked her jaw, staring back down at her feet. "I used to…" she shook her head, exhaling. But Lucy waited – silence, the best way to get a Danvers to talk. "I used to think I wasn't any good. At anything. No one," her breathing shuddered out. "No one wanted me. When I was in the system – but it was okay, you know? Because, I was alone, and there was no one to disappoint. I only had me, and that was okay, 'cause I couldn't let anyone down."

Roughly, she scrubbed a hand over her cheek, refusing to look at the other woman. But Lucy wouldn't let go, hands tangled in the fabric of the jacket – keeping them tethered to the moment. To each other. "But Alex just… she saved me during a raid. One of the first ones – they were taking women. They tried to take me – and she wouldn't let them," Lucy refused to react to that information. She swallowed the fear and panic and kept her eyes calm and set. "She saved me. And when I was getting forgotten, for rations and classes and stuff, she went after Lyron for it – even though everyone hated her. And when I was too scared to sleep in the bunks and let me crash with her. And it was good – so good. I felt… safe? For the first time ever – even though we were in space and always in danger and I shouldn't have felt safe. But she made it all okay, 'cause I wasn't alone anymore."

Ky rubbed at her eyes again, a rough hand and looked up and away. Refusing to acknowledge how her voice shook, how her eyes were welling beyond restraint. "And I was… I am, I guess – still scared that imma mess it up – that she'll realize I'm just this alien kid that no one wanted, and I'll ruin it."

Lucy let the moment sit – let Ky's ragged breathing fill the space between them – before speaking with the tone usually reserved for Kara. "Can I let you in on a secret?" Ky didn't respond, but Lucy pushed on. "I didn't want kids."

The comment surprised Ky enough she actually looked at Lucy, eyes wide and wet.

"I always figured whoever I ended up with would want em, and I'd just go with it. And they'd be beautiful babies don't get me wrong," She looked speculatively off to the side with a small smile. "But I never actually wantedkids. In the active sense."

"Are-" Ky shook her head. "This is some weird ass pep talk."

Lucy laughed, looking back at Ky. "I didn't want kids, Ky," her smile softened. She tilted her head, other hand coming up to the teenager's shoulder. "Then I met you."

Silence. Shocked. Ky just blinked back at her.

Lucy tilted her head in affection. "You jumped into the open ocean because you're superpowered aunt was having missiles fired at her. You sassed the director of a black ops organization, in her government base, after receiving their medical attention. You've forgotten more about mechanical engineering than I'll ever learn. You are a sarcastic little shit, and I love you."

The last part was tacked on with such nonchalance that Ky almost missed it. Her breath caught – eyes widened.

"Even if you were right – even if there was some alternatively stupid fucking reality in which Alex Danvers didn't love you with her entire heart – you will never be alone again. You will never be forgotten or left behind or abandoned."

Lucy paused, watching the emotion flicker across Ky's face. "You are loved, Ky Danvers. And not just by your mom. You have an entire family ready to go to the mat for you – because you are a fucking awesome kid, okay? And nothing you say, and nothing you do, will ever change that."

Ky opened her mouth – to do what, she wasn't sure – and closed it again. Searching Lucy's face for some clue, some hesitation, some flicker of regret. Nothing. Just the clear eyes of a woman who spoke her mind without uncertainty. It was the most serious she'd ever seen the director outside of work.

"I thought you were supposed to be the cool one, Lane," Ky managed to snark out – or tried to snark out. It came out more watery than she intended. More affectionate than she intended.

"Oh, I am," Lucy smiled back, finally rotating to continue on the hunt for ice cream – though she didn't release Ky entirely, slinging an arm over her shoulders. "Maggie would have said something much more sentimental."

Ky snorted, nodding. Trying desperately to tamp down the security blooming in her chest – and failing. Because this, tonight? Tonight is the reason, five years from now, Ky will go to Lucy for advice on how to explain to her partner how she loves them – because Lucy was the first person to teach her how to be loved, even when it was optional.

Especially when it was optional.

"You don't normally book an appointment – I'd almost thought you weren't aware of the scheduling system," Freyer said with a smile, leaning back against the too big chair in her rooms.

Alex half smiled, but immediately returned her eyes to her wringing hands. Fingers twisting around and around each other. Rubbing, too hard.

"I have to make a decision," she spoke downwards, but knew the shrink would hear. She had an uncanny ability in that area.

"About?"

Silence, which Alex knew she wouldn't fill unless it dragged into discomfort.

Instead of answering she went with "Ky had another nightmare." Dancing around the issue. Very mature Doctor Danvers.

"Which one this time?" Freyer tilted her head, watching how her friend was wincing before she'd even answered. Watching how guilt curled her body.

"Cadmus."

"Ah," she put down her pen, crossing her legs. "That seems to be the theme as of recently."

"But-" Alex blinked, shaking her head. "Why the kidnapping though? The raids and attacks and… violence here – that doesn't seem to bother her as much?"

"Oh, I very much doubt that," Freyer smiled. Watched this gruff, stoic, moderately scary woman fret over a child who she'd all but adopted.

"But the nightmares-"

"There is a distinct difference between the night Cadmus kidnapped her, and the traumatic events we suffered aboard this ship." Alex just blinked up at her, brows furrowed. "Ky was alone while in the foster system. When she was taken, there was no one to protect her."

"So, she feels safer on board a spaceship because there are other aliens around?" The disbelief on Alex's face made Freyer smile indulgently. She briefly wondered whether the obliviousness was an old trait, or whether she developed this insecurity since they took off.

"Maybe," Freyer conceded, tilting her head again, softening her eyes. "But, personally, I think it has much more to do with you then any of us."

Alex's face shifted, furrowing further as she leaned back. "Me?"

"You've taken her in, have you not? She sleeps in your quarters, she's on your rotations – you watch out for her. I imagine this is the most secure relationship Ky has ever had. That probably makes her feel safer than anything Earth ever provided."

The doctors jaw worked, eyeing skirting the room as she processed.

"This made your decision more difficult," the shrink deduced.

"Yes – no," she bit the inside of her cheek. "Maybe." Freyer just waited, watching Alex agonize and overthink and let her emotions clash around in her head. Eventually she exhaled, closing her eyes against her own words. "I promised to protect her."

Freyer just waited – she figured as much. As big as Alex's Danvers guilt complex was, her protective streak ran stronger. She'd seen it in action. Seen Alex take too heavy boxes out of other kitchen worker's hands. Seen her stay up all night with patients, even the one's she couldn't save (especially the ones she couldn't save). Seen her slit a man's throat for daring to lay a hand on another. Alex Danvers was a warrior, a guardian, but only for a righteous cause.

"When we get back," she started slowly, picking her words carefully. "I have to make a choice." She exhaled slowly, finally meeting her friend's eyes. "Between my people here, and my family there."

A beat. "And this is a mutually exclusive choice?"

Alex nodded, serious eyes communicating the unspeakable. The secret she carried around – about her father. Freyer knew better than to ask.

"I guess you have to ask yourself," Freyer dropped her notepad onto the floor, linking her fingers and meeting Alex's intensity. "Who deserves your protection."

Alex watched the door click closed behind Lucy and still didn't move. She felt trapped between the words burning in her throat and her desire to bend to her mother's will – fold away the ugly things Eliza didn't want to talk about.

But she had a kid now – her own daughter – and that was the priority. Protecting her.

"If you ever," the words were measured, even as she dragged violent eyes back to her mother. "Suggest that my child's happiness in any way compromises Kara's, so help me God, I will ensure you never see her again."

The threat sat heavy in the air for a moment. Kara shifted in her seat, pinched eyes set on the table. Maggie was alternating between watching Alex and Kara, ready to catch either of them if they fell. She's suddenly glad Lucy offered to be Ky's wing-person this evening – the detective didn't think the pre-existing tension between Eliza and her would be helpful right now.

"Your sisters' identity is paramount," Eliza pressed back. Eyes narrow, set on her daughter. She didn't even get out of her chair.

"Eliza…" Kara tried, but Alex's fury was a black hole – swallowing everything in the room.

"I know that's the party line, mom, I do. I've been hearing it since I was fourteen," she worked her jaw, pressing her good hand flat against the table. "But you're wrong."

"How could you possible say that? She's your sister."

"You don't think I know that?" Alex asked in absolute disbelief, throwing her hands up. "I know she's my sister! I've devoted half my life to protecting her – and that will never change! You and dad made damn sure-"

"There it is again," Eliza interrupted, slowly pushing back from the table to stand. "Your father."

"What about him?" Exasperation edged her tone.

"You made your feelings about him perfectly clear last time we spoke, Alexandra."

"And?"

Silence. Kara shifted in her seat again. Maggie pushed back her chair just a notch, just enough that she could stand if things escalated.

"You clearly haven't come to your senses yet." Eliza finished – disapproval and disappointment dripping from her tone in equal parts.

"And what exactly is there for me to realize mom?" Alex spat, crossing her arms with an arched eyebrow. "That the man who raised me and loved me joined a terrorist organization that threatens the life of, not just your granddaughter, but also the daughter you're so hell bent on me protecting?"

"He's the victim," Eliza hissed back, leaning forward. Maggie finally just stood, inching around to stand behind Kara. Kara who had yet to raise her eyes from her barely eaten dinner. "God knows what Cadmus has done to him, is still doing to him! And that woman has poisoned your mind against him."

"What?" Alex and Kara spoke in tandem, Kara finally snapping her head up to look at her foster mother. Maggie's hand on her shoulder squeezed.

"Director Lane," distain dripped from her voice, even as her lip curled. "Has made your father public enemy number one, when you should be working to protect him. And you're letting her."

Alex, for the first time, was at a loss for words. She just looked helplessly at Maggie, who sent sad eyes back, shaking her head. There was nowhere but down for this conversation to go.

"Lucy is great Eliza," Kara protested, frowning up at her. "She's just doing her job."

"And is Alexandra just doing her job, by helping her hunt her father like a dog?" She snarled back, directed entirely at Alex.

Alex felt her heart clench – the strength of her conviction shattered. That… was exactly what she would do. If there was a sign of Jeremiah, she wouldn't think twice about sending a team out to get him. Dead or alive. She'd all but signed his death warrant years ago, alone on the bridge of the Exodus.

"That's not fair," Kara started, but Alex stopped her with a raised hand. She needed to say this. She needed her mother to hear this.

"The man that I loved," Alex started, eyes reddening even as conviction re-entered her voice. She wasn't yelling now; she was articulating carefully. Making sure each word was understood. "Hasn't been a father to me in… years. And yes, we were so close that we could just..." she lost eye contact – searching for the words – before locking back on her mother. "We could finish each other's sentences. But his obsession with keeping Kara safe – his obsession with keeping us both safe, changed all of it."

Alex exhaled, hard out of her nose, putting a hand up between them, palm facing the table. "Nothing else mattered to him – least of all me. The day he forcibly deported 343 innocent people, including me and your granddaughter, he gave up his right to my protection," she paused, fighting the urge to scream, run, hit, shoot. Fought the memories of the hundreds she'd held bleeding, the dozens she'd helped bury, the blood that was on her hands because of her father's actions. "He gave up the right to be my father. He gave up the right to my protection. He made his choice and now I have to make mine."

"And mom?" She looked into Eliza's eyes for a moment, just to make sure she heard this. "I will choose this family. Every time."

That hung in the air like a threat. Like a death sentence.

"Well," Eliza wiped her hands on her slacks. "It seems you've made your choice then."

No one responded – even Kara when her foster mother looked directly at her. Kara just leaned back into Maggie, finding her solid warmth - the only thing keeping her bound to this earth.

They all watched in muted shock as Eliza gathered her coat, her luggage, and strode out of the apartment. She didn't even slam the door on her way out.

Silence sat heavy in the room, Alex still staring at the spot across from her where her mother had been. Kara turned to look at her sister, listening to her thudding heart and too harsh breathing. Maggie just rubbed at Kara's arm, eyes flicking between the sisters.

Eventually Alex let out a shaky breath, rubbing at her face with both hands, before turning red eyes to the Kryptonian.

"Kara, I'm so sorry," she started, tears thick in her voice. "I didn't mean that you weren't important to me, or that I resent you coming into my life, I just-"

She never finished whatever that apology was going to turn into, because Kara's arms wrapped around her with such force it knocked the stupidity right out of her.

The moment her sister's arms were around her, Alex cracked – the edges of her pain and fear and hurt splintering her apart. The sob that wrenched itself out of her throat was so harsh it burned. And Kara just held on – keeping her sister upright even as she dissolved.

Her mother had excavated old and new doubts– impossible expectations scattering her mind. She had to choose – she couldn't be everything to everyone without fracturing herself into nothingness. Into insignificance. Mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend, captain, agent, doctor, person. The weight of responsibility and love and family tearing her apart.

And so she just let her sister hold her up – borrowing her strength until she had enough of her own.

Lucy was half a step behind Ky when she shouldered her way into the apartment. Four different flavored tubs of ice cream perilously balanced in her hands. Ky was still laughing at her antics when she stumbled through the door, her own pint already open, plastic spoon jammed in her mouth.

"Ya think we have enough?" Ky asked around her chuckling, kicking the door closed behind Lucy when she stepped through. She took one of the top pints to prevent sugary disaster and placed it on the kitchen counter.

"I've been feeding the Kryptonian for over a year – I assure you, we don't," Lucy huffed, tongue sticking out as she carefully maneuvered her stash onto the flat surface.

Ky nodded agreeably, scooping something called Rocky Road into her mouth with a hum. Earth was a bazar place.

It was only then that she realized the apartment was quiet. Turning around, spoon still in her mouth, her eyes locked with Maggie's amused ones. She was sitting on the couch, hand carding her mom's hair, who was sitting on the floor. Her aunt's head was resting on her sister's shoulder, eyes closed. They had a blanket spread across both their laps, and the fire blazing. Alex herself was also watching her partner and kid enter with their stash, eyebrow arched.

"Ah, hey guys," she called around her spoon.

"Got yourself a nutritious dinner substitute I see," Alex responded, tilting her head.

"Ah…" Ky glanced back at Lucy's unapologetic eyes. "We got vegan for Maggie?"

"Gimmie," Maggie made grabby gestures with her free hand, grinning.

Lucy laughed, and snagged a vegan and a brownie fudge flavor for her respective partners. Tossing Alex hers, Lucy immediately clambered behind Kara, laying her head in Maggie lap, spoon digging into the dairy free goodness to share with the detective.

Ky grabbed the Cookie Dough for Kara and a bunch of spoons before heading over. She paused at the edge of the group of cuddlers suddenly feeling out of place. Out of step.

But then Alex was smiling up at her and shrugging a shoulder to make Kara shift and they separated to create space between them. Alex lifted the blanket, nodding for her to join them.

Ky felt embers of warmth spark in her chest, her smile tugging at her as she made herself comfortable between her mom and aunt. Kara immediately snagged the ice-cream, ripping open the lid and licking the seal with a kind of childish glee. Alex set hers to the side, letting Ky get comfortable before placing a hand on her thigh.

Ky looked up from the corner of her eye, half meeting her mom's gaze. "I'm sorry I lost my temper," she bit the side of her cheek before exhaling. "I shouldn't have put you in the middle of that and I won't let it happen again."

"It's okay," Ky shrugged, staring into her pint.

"No, it's not," Alex shifted, turning her body so she was more fully facing her kid. "It's my job to protect you, and I shouldn't have let my issues with my mom get in the way of that." She paused, watching how Ky was still quiet, still in her own head. She reached over to tug at the ends of her hair. "Are you alright, love?"

The teenager didn't say anything immediately, but she could feel Kara and Maggie's eyes on her as well. Lucy was too busy digging for caramel clusters.

"Yeah," she shrugged, swirling the rocky road around. Her mind was still caught between Lucy's reassurances and her own insecurity – still catching on the negative thoughts of her childhood, of her abandonment. But Director Lane was nothing if not convincing and Ky found herself involuntarily relaxing – trusting. "I'm sorry your mom's so difficult."

Alex breathed a laugh, knocking their shoulders together. "Me too."

"But hey," Kara muttered around a mouthful of cold sugar. "As long as have each other, right?"

Ky looked up at her mom when she responded, smiling softly at the gentle look in her eye. "El mayarah."