Chapter 1: A Weird Return...

"…" = Talk

'…' = Thoughts

It was a normal day in the village hidden in the leaf.

The sun was shining.

The people were carefree.

And Tsunade Senju was inching closer to insanity.

'This must be some kind of sick joke...' She thought to herself as she stared at the sheet of paper in her desk, one hand massaging her temple. A scowl was creeping into her face. She was seriously reconsidering this whole Hokage thing. She didn't have nearly enough time for herself, and the stress of this job was getting to her, especially lately.

She really wondered how her late teacher and grandpa managed with this, especially her teacher since he stuck to this job until he was more wrinkled than a scrunched paper. She herself had just started this job and she already felt that this was all a huge mistake. She missed the days when all she did was gambling her family's fortune and drinking her problems away.

Life was so much easier back then…

She went for the bottle of sake at her right and drunk it.

"Paperwork getting on your nerves again, Tsunade?"

The Hokage of Konoha turned around to the side and found a grinning Jiraya sitting at the edge of the window. She spared him a glance for a second before she returned to her normal position and continued drinking. She was not in the mood to scold him about using the door. "You're a bit early…"

Jiraya's raised an eyebrow at this. "That's it? I've been away for like two and a half years, and that is what you got to tell me when I come back? No 'long time no see' or turning around and jiggling your ample bosom?" His voice had a hint of disappointment, but he was mostly confused.

"It's not that Jiraya… it is just that a lot is going on my mind lately…"

Now both of Jiraya's brows were raised. "Did something happen?"

"Oh no, nothing happened…" Tsunade started, sarcasm dripping from her mouth. "Just those old farts are pissing me off, missing people reports are piling up these last months, and among them were two jonins and a FUCKING CLAN HEAD!"

A crack was heard as Tsunade slammed her hands on the desk. She then calmed down and sighed. "Please tell me that you have some good news Jiraya. These last months were really anal on me…"

Jiraya chuckled perversely a little, and Tsunade stared at him blankly. Getting the hint, the Toad Sannin cleared his throat. "Well, the brat and I are back for a start..." She just kept staring at him. "…And he has gotten really good. And I mean REALLY REALLY good. He even completed the Rasengan on his own." He finished the last sentence with a thumbs up.

"Really now?"

"Yep. And that is just the start of it. His control over Kyubi also increased greatly. He can now go on four tails without losing control. The kid has improved a lot. I can say he would give Kakashi a run for his money in a one on one."

Tsunade's interest peaked. "Well, that sure is an interesting improvement… Finally, a bit of good news for a change."

"You tell me. I was considering getting him to meet the toad Elders to make him the next sage, but we ran out of time and we came back."

The Hokage smiled at that. "I guess you have your work cut out for you. Unlike me…" She sighed as she pointed at the stacks of paper on her desk.

"Yeah, you can say that…" Jiraya added. "By the way, who is the clan head that is missing?"

"It's Tsume Inuzuka. She requested that she dealt with the missing people mission personally, and I didn't see any problems with that. As you know, she is an excellent Tracker and a strong Jonin. So I accepted. She followed the trail and it led her outside the village. That was four months ago…" Tsunade replied as she went for her bottle of sake, only to find it empty. She tossed it to the side. "The elders have been breathing down my neck every week since then. It was a simple mission that shouldn't take this long, they said. I was contemplating sending someone after her, but Danzo beat me to it and sent in his personal Root Anbu to investigate, but they found nothing. To add insult to injury, people were still going missing, and the Inuzuka Clan is now readying to appoint a new clan head in case Tsume's death was confirmed. Of course, those old farts wanted to cash in as soon as possible, and wanted to appoint Gaku as the new Clan Head."

Jiraya whistled at this. "Well isn't this a hot mess..." He understood the problem. A missing clan head was not so serious of a problem that the village will be jeopardized, but it is a serious problem for the Hokage. He remembered their sensei lecturing them on this.

Generally, the Hokage has the final say in all Shinobi matters. BUT, he is not to involve itself in Clan matters unless the entire village is in danger so that he can stay neutral with all parties. Clan heads themselves were simply the mediators between their own clan, the Hokage, and the Council. Of course, that would mean that the clans then can, if they wished, conspire against the Hokage. How the Hokage keeps tabs on them, in this case, is by loyalizing the Clan head, besides the obvious spies here and there. On the other hand, other parties in the council or outside it can do the same thing, and that's what this is all about.

Tsunade was a relatively new Hokage, but she still had that famous title of Sannin backing her up, so the Clan Heads rallied behind her fairly easily, including Tsume.

Gaku however was not the same. He was much in line with Sarutobi's old teammates and current advisors: Danzo, Koharu, and Homura. And those three did not appreciate Tsunade's way of work. Still, for them trying to shoehorn him into this, which is not out of character, it feels rather fishy. After all, the rest of the council, even if composed of eight more members, was not that important in deciding matters related to shinobi, since five of them were civilians that had little relevance in shinobi matters, and the remaining three, the Hokage advisors, were outnumbered by the five Clan heads and the Hokage in voting.

An idea then popped into Tsunade's mind. "Hold on. How do you not know about this? Didn't your spy network notify you of this?"

"No, unfortunately. I was busy with other things and didn't really check that regularly with them. Speaking of which…" He moved from his spot at the window and took a seat in front of the Hokage's desk, his face growing serious. "I think I have more urgent news for you. It's about Akatsuki."

"So long as they're good…" Tsunade said hopefully, and then she noticed that Jiraya had a thinking face. "Oh, just out with it…"

"Well, first, I have information on Akatsuki," Jiraya said as he pulled a scroll from his red jacket and tossed it to Tsunade. "From what I collected, Akatsuki has overall around ten members. That scroll you have is info on six of their members. Their rank, their feats, their affiliations, and weaknesses…" Tsunade opened the scroll and looked at it, nodding her head as she read the content.

"More good news. Good job Jiraya…"

"Oh, you flatter me…" the white-haired man chuckled a little. Then he got back to seriousness. "There is also more I want to tell you about the brat."

"Naruto? What about him?"

"…Something happened on our trip." Jiraya started, crossing his hands on his chest. "It's actually a long story."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. She has to tell Shizune to bring more sake. She's probably going to need it.

Naruto Uzumaki was casually strolling through Konoha.

After about two and a half years, he was finally back. And unlike him, the village didn't change much. The most notable difference he spotted was the addition of the fifth Hokage's head on the Hokage mountain, but other than that everything else was just as he remembered it.

Pervy Sage told him that he was going to meet Tsunade, and in the meantime, he can do whatever he wanted, so long as it was not a prank. And that last bit put Naruto down. He so wanted to pull a prank on someone once he arrived. The usual Sexy Jutsu that he used to wake up a drunk Jiraya in the morning to train him, and occasionally burning the Sannin's stash of Icha Icha papers so that he would focus on training him, got boring by the last six months of their trip. And the pervert didn't let him prank anyone on their trip as well, so that was a bummer. Something about having to "mature" and "grow up" …

Mentally shaking away his thoughts, Naruto started looking around. He had sensed earlier a chakra signal that belonged to Sakura around here, so he came to look for her. He wondered what Sakura would look like since the last time he saw her. He pictured in his head a gorilla with pink body hair shrieking loudly and punching its chest. He chuckled at the image.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

A familiar female yell immediately cut his inner thoughts.

'I got the shrieking part alright…' Naruto mentally patted himself on the back before walking to the voice's source.

"Please Sakura, don't hurt him! It was probably an accident." A young female voice pleaded. She didn't know why her teacher was angry at her friend, so she lied to calm her down.

It backfired…

"Accident!? ACCIDENT!? He almost killed me!"

"No, I didn't! You were the one who got in the way!"

"You want to say that again you little shrimp!"

"No! Please, Konohamaru stop-"

"Bring it you pink monkey!"

"THAT DOES IT!"

"GET HIM SHANNARO!"

Sakura Haruno had it. She always prided herself being more of "a grown-up", but not today. This little bastard not only almost got her killed with his stupid stunt earlier, but now he is bad-mouthing her too? She was going to make him pay. Of course, she wouldn't kill him. It would leave a black mark on her record if she killed the Third Hokage's grandson. No, she was simply going to hurt him really, really bad.

She reared her hand and launched it forward. It was a fairly slow movement, but for the two in front of her, she might as well be a lightning bolt.

Her punch approached the two quickly, but just inches away from the young Sarutobi's face…

"Picking on children? Really Sakura? I thought you were the mature one…"

…Someone stopped her and caught her elbow in a firm grip. And this someone's voice was very similar to…

"Boss! You're back!"

The two "children" confirmed her thoughts and sprinted past her to hide behind the man, who by now released her elbow. Sakura immediately turned around to face him.

From the voice and those two calling him 'Boss', Sakura was sure the man was her teammate Naruto. Or at least it must be Naruto because the man in front of her looked nothing like the one she remembered. Gone was his orange and blue jacket, and in its place was a black uniform jacket with a red bandana on his left hand. His hair was much shorter than before, although it was still spiky and blond. His face was much more mature and pronounced, and he was taller than her. The only things this man had that was identical to the Naruto she remembered was his bright blue eyes and his orange pants.

The pink-haired kunoichi didn't notice that she was starring for way too long, and Naruto shot her a sly smirk. "Sakura, I didn't know you missed me that much…"

The pink-haired girl snapped back to reality, not hearing what the blond said. "Huh? Oh, h-hi Naruto. When did you come back?"

"Just today," Naruto said as he sneakily sized the Sakura girl. Her pink hair was styled exactly like he remembered, framing her pale face. She even still used her headband to tie her hair. What she wore however was a bit different. She had a red top with the same design as the upper half of the red qipao dress she had before he left. She also donned black gloves, low-heel knee-high boots, black shorts underneath a short grey apron skirt, and grey elbow protectors. It strangely looked like what he imagined the pink-haired gorilla was wearing, but he kept that to himself. No need to be impolite now...

"By the way, you look really beautiful today, Sakura…"

Sakura was thrown off by the comment. "T-Th-Thanks Naruto…" She said, flustered. She hadn't been complimented like this in a long time. Well, except for her parents…

And Lady Tsunade…

And Rock Lee… Although his compliments often come off as creepy.

"Wow, Boss! That is so cool! You tamed this pink monkey like it was nothing!"

Angry Sakura mode was back on. "I heard that you little shrimp!" She shrieked and lunged forward at him. She was going to teach that kid a lesson! "Yeah, get him! Shannaro!" her inner self shouted in her head.

Naruto stopped her again, with the two kids still hiding behind him. "What's you guys' problem anyway?"

"I don't have a problem! That shrimp is the one who'll drown in problems when I get my hands on him!" Sakura answered, trying to push Naruto out of the way and failing to do so. If she stopped to think about it, she would be shocked that she, Tsunade's apprentice, who inherited from her the super strength Tsunade was infamous for, was having trouble moving someone out of her way despite using said super strength.

But she was busy thinking of efficient but not deadly ways of beating the kid behind Naruto.

"And why would you want to do that?" Naruto asked, unsure of what he walked into. He then looked behind him at the children, who he recognized as Konohamaru and Moegi. "What did you do to her you, two?"

"I didn't do anything! She's the one who wants to attack us!" Konohamaru shot back, trying to defend himself.

Unconvinced, Naruto then noticed that a crowd started gathering around them as Sakura was still comically trying to get past him. And he did not want to deal with crowds on his first day back. So he pushed his pink-haired teammate away and…

POOF!

…he vanished in a puff of smoke.

In another poof, Naruto, Moegi, and Konohamaru appeared on top of a building a few streets across where Sakura was. "Now, can one of you tell me what was that all about?"

"I don't know Boss. I was just walking with Konohamaru after we finished a D-Rank mission, and all of a sudden Miss Sakura appeared and wanted to attack Konohamaru…" Moegi told him.

Naruto scratched his cheek and hummed, looking at Konohamaru.

The brown-haired kid immediately started defending himself. "I swear Boss! I wasn't aiming at her! She was just in the way when I shot the arrow!"

His words made little sense to the whiskered blond. "…um, okay. How about you start from the beginning…"

A nod was his response. "It started actually a few weeks ago. Do you know Hinata Hyuga's cute little sister?" Naruto shook his head, but he noticed Moegi's expression becoming angry. "Well, her name is Hanabi. And lately, she has been missing. They say her family locked her in for some reason. She is kind of popular so everyone was worried about her…" As Konohamaru went on, Moegi's expression darkened.

She didn't even know what was the problem between Sakura and Konohamaru; she just went on to defend him because he was her friend. But knowing that this was all about that stuck-up Hyuga priss… Maybe she should have let Sakura beat him up.

"And where does Sakura fit in all of this?" Naruto asked, even more confused.

"Well, the thing is, I wanted to give Hanabi a… um… message… yeah a message… our teacher wanted to tell her. But those Hyuga guys did not want to let me in. So I attached the message to an arrow and shot it at Hanabi's window. But that pink-haired monkey got in the way at the exact moment I shot the arrow. She was rushing by, and the arrow almost struck her in her non-existent chest. I swear Boss, I didn't mean to attack her or anything…"

Naruto made a silent 'oh'. This was not what he expected when he thought about his first day back in the village, but he had witnessed weirder things. So it's fine, he guessed.

Moegi however was furrowing her eyebrows. Message!? What message!? The teachers didn't give him anything! She would have known if it was the case! And the way he said 'message'… It was as if he wanted to hide something… from her and Boss… about that Hyuga priss…

Her eyes widened in realization before narrowing in anger!

"You TRAITOR!"

Konohamaru's head was never this intimate with the floor. And Moegi was intent on improving this intimacy. With punches… loads of punches.

"I defended you against Sakura-senpai, and you were trying to GET WITH THAT HYUGA BITCH! I am going to kill you!" She shouted as she kept punching.

Naruto just watched the scene before him and blinked slowly, not understanding what is happening now.

What a weird return his comeback turned out to be…

Our blond Jinchuriki was now standing in front of his apartment. He looked at its exterior fondly. He missed this place…

He then opened the door, and noticed the messy state inside, with ramen cups randomly thrown around, some bags of potato chips here and there, a bit of spider webs on the corner.

'Not that dirty…' Naruto thought to himself. He moved around a bit before finally reaching his bed. His footsteps were making a lot of noise in the practically empty room. But he didn't pay much attention to it. He reached his bed and straightened his bedsheets, before looking outside the window.

Night had already fallen, and the village was almost shrouded in darkness, with the only light being the bright moon. It shone brightly, illuminating all in its white radiance. It was quite the scene, but Naruto was off-put by it.

He did not know why, but he never really appreciated moonlit places. Something about the night sky, and more specifically the full moon, just rubbed him the wrong way. It was a strange feeling. He personally was a morning guy. The brightness of the son matched his cheerful attitude. The night and the moon were just not his things, he presumed, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that it was not that simple.

'Oh well…' Naruto thought, taking off his black jacket and orange pants. He then slipped under the bedsheets with only a white shirt and black boxers. '…I'll think about it later. Now, is sleeping time…'

He then closed his eyes and began drifting to sleep…

"Should I feel honored or disappointed that you didn't notice me?"

…or at least he tried to.

Cerulean blue eyes snapped open, and Naruto immediately got up, ready to engage. Jiraya had drilled this onto him with his 'surprise revenge wake ups' training. He then noticed who it was and relaxed. "Where did you come from!?" He didn't sense anyone when he entered his apartment.

"Honored it is then." A scroll was thrown at Naruto, which he caught effortlessly. "I had received the message you sent me last month. What you demanded was very difficult and I didn't have much time. So I got about nothing of what you demanded."

Naruto waved dismissively. "It's okay, you don't have to do it right now. I would like it if you hurry though." He then motioned to the scroll he caught. "What is this?"

"A rundown of the important events that happened in the village when you were away. I thought you could use it."

The blond looked strangely at the scroll, then shrugged. He put it at the side before yawning. "I'll look into it tomorrow. I'm kind of sleepy now…"

"Just to be sure, please hide that scroll. The walls have eyes and ears and they can't keep their mouth shut."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do it…" Naruto said as he started to get under the bedsheets again. He yawned loudly and stretched, before looking at his fellow.

"By the way, why are you even…"

He didn't need to continue his sentence.

Because nobody was there.

And again, he didn't sense anything. No sunshin. No clone. Nothing at all.

"Bitch…" He muttered before going back to sleep, ruffling his pillow.

It was a weird return indeed.