I can't wait to write Prentiss and Rossi into the story, lol I skipped so much of S2 that I haven't written a fic with Em yet O_O. However, Reid was quite the sassmaster to Em at the beginning of their relationship, so its' probably better that I start now, lol. I think this might be a three parter, one being at the end of ep 2 and what follows after, and then two and three being during episode 3. I didn't mean to make this fic so long but I'm just letting it happen!

Hope you enjoy :)

S3 E2&3

PT1

He drove carefully down the dirt road. It was dark out; he could barely see a few feet ahead of him in the darkness of the wood. Turning the corner with care, he finally saw the cabin. It was completely dark, not one light on. Parking the car in front of the cabin, he quickly stepped out, wrapping his coat tightly around himself.

Reid knocked on the door, only to find that it was unlocked. Slightly confused, he opened the door slowly. Trying the light, he learned the power was out. He grabbed the flashlight out of his pocket and began looking around the cabin.

It looked much different than the last time he'd been there. It was a few years back, when he'd first joined the FBI. Gideon had brought him out to the cabin as a way of congratulating him on being accepted into the BAU. The man had known that his only family was his mother, who may or may not understand what an accomplishment this was, and he didn't have many friends. Still, he wanted to make sure Reid had a small celebration.

Back then, the cabin had personal touches. Small knick-knacks laying around, photos, and lots of artwork of birds.

Now it was empty.

Waving the light around, he continued surveying the cabin. A pit had begun to settle in his stomach. Then, something caught his eye.

A gun and credentials were laying on his table. Reid quickly walked over to it, where he saw the third item. It was an envelope, his name written on the front in Gideon's handwriting.

He opened it up quickly reading the letter.

"Spencer, I knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me. You must be frightened, and I apologize for that. I never meant to cause you any pain…" he continued reading, tears quickly beginning to fill his eyes as he realized what this letter was. It was a goodbye.

"…And that was the last domino. The death of that girl. Hotch being suspended over something that was my fault. I said at the beginning of this letter, that I knew it would be you to come up here. I'm so sorry the explanation couldn't be better, Spencer. And I am so sorry that it doesn't make more sense, but I've already told you, I just don't understand any of it anymore. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just looking for it again. For the belief I had back in college. The belief I had when I first met Sarah and it all seemed so right. The belief in happy endings."

Reid reread the letter four times before any tears began to fall. He just couldn't believe that this was real. Gideon was like a father to him and, just like with his biological father, he'd left him. Abandoned him.

Logically, Reid knew that correlation did not equal causation, and Gideon wasn't leaving because of something he'd done. But that didn't stop the guilt that filled his body. That didn't stop the pain that filled his chest as he realized Gideon was gone.

Soft sobs began before he could control himself, hugging the paper close to his body he cried alone in the dark. He didn't try to be silent, knowing no one would hear his sorrow.

He wished he could go back in time, talk to Gideon after the last case. Just like he wished he would've done with Elle. Maybe he could've stopped them both from leaving.

He knew it wasn't his fault, but that did not stop him from obsessing over his every interaction with the two of them. Was it something he'd done? Did he unknowingly help push Gideon over the edge with one of his words, with one of his actions?

If he had been faster, if he had figured it out sooner and saved that girl, would Gideon have left? If he'd consoled in him after, like the man had done for him so many times, would Gideon have broken like this?

Reid felt a piece of himself break, sobbing even harder. He brought his legs up onto the chair, curling himself into a ball. His face was wet with tears, but they continued to flow, if not even harder now.

This was what he got when he got close to people, he reminded himself. This was why he had been alone for so much of his life.

When his dad had abandoned him and his mom, the pain was similar. Except, in that situation, he knew it had partially been his fault. His father couldn't deal with a paranoid schizophrenic as a wife and a freak genius son. His father had wanted a normal family. An apple pie life. He wanted his son to have friends, play baseball, get in trouble, normal kid stuff. Instead he had a twelve-year-old who was graduating high school, doing nothing but attempting to stuff as much knowledge into his brain as possible to compensate for the insecurities he felt in the rest of his life.

Reid sat on the chair for what felt like hours, sobbing into his arms. He clutched the note like it was a lifeline. He cried until he was out of tears, and then he sat, still as a statue, staring at the credentials sitting in front of him.

He delicately opened them up, seeing Gideon's face staring back at him. A dry sob wracked his throat once more. With shaking hands, he brought the badge to his chest as well, holding the two items near his heart.

It had been a few hours when he pulled himself out of his state of shock and sorrow, light softly filtering in the windows of the cabin. He swallowed, attempting to swallow the perpetual lump in his throat. His head pounded from dehydration, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Instead, he slowly stood, whole body shaking, and stumbled over to Gideon's couch. He collapsed atop the cushions, laying sideways, still holding the two items in his hands.

He must have been in some form of shock. He felt like he sat there, staring blankly at the wall for a few minutes, but suddenly his phone was ringing, and the clock on the wall read 9:47am.

Numbly, Reid sat up, placing the note and badge in his lap. He fished the phone out of his pocket. It looked like he had a lot of notifications. He wasn't sure why he hadn't heard it ringing before. Dazed, he eventually managed to flip open the phone and answer.

"…hello?" he said, voice quiet and shaking.

"Spence? Spence, where are you? Are you okay? Did something happen? We've been trying to contact you for the past hour and a half!" JJ asked frantically.

Reid sat in silence, unable to form a response. He heard more voices coming through the phone, but wasn't fully comprehending what they were saying, still in a state of shock.

"-arcia can you -ack his -one? Gideon's cabin?" The last few word's brought Reid back to reality. He let out a loud sob, dropping his phone to the ground. He heard more frantic shouts, but the signal was already weak, and it dropped the call a few seconds later. Once again Reid found himself curling into a ball, sobbing alone.

When JJ and Morgan arrived at the cabin, they weren't sure what to expect. With how Reid sounded on the phone, it could've been a myriad of things.

Approaching the cabin, they saw Reid's car, sitting alone outside. They quickly parked and sprinted out of the vehicle, unsure what they'd find inside. Neither had been to Gideon's cabin before, but it was clear that the man had moved out.

The first thing they noticed when they stepped inside was that it was as empty as a place could get, the total opposite of how Gideon had decorated his office. The second was the sound of crying coming from the living room.

Sprinting in, they were shocked to see a very upset Spencer Reid crying audibly on the couch. When they'd comforted him in the past, he'd always been a very quiet crier, so it was relatively alarming. However, they supposed, he probably hadn't thought they'd come look for him.

JJ immediately made a b-line for the couch, carefully sitting down next to her best friend. He didn't move or acknowledge that he was aware that she was there.

She looked up, sadness filling her face as she made eye contact with Morgan. The man's face also showed sorrow, unsure of what to do with himself. Glancing around, he suddenly noticed the items on the table.

He picked up an empty envelope which had 'Spencer' written on it. Then he noticed the gun. It was Gideon's gun. He held it up for JJ to see and her face switched to a look of realization.

That's why Reid was so upset.

JJ delicately placed an arm on Reid's shaking form. He flinched away from her and she immediately removed it. However, suddenly he went quiet, he'd realized he was no longer alone in the room.

Morgan moved around until he was standing in front of the trembling kid. He swiftly knelt down so that he was at eye level. He couldn't see the kid's face, his head and arms were tucked behind his legs in the small ball he'd curled into, but he knew he was still crying. His breathing was hitching and his whole body was quaking.

"Spencer, shh hey it's okay." Tentatively, he reached out a hand, lightly brushing his leg. The kid didn't flinch away this time, probably more aware of his surroundings. JJ reached out again, gently placing her hand where she had before and this time he leaned slightly into her touch. She nodded at Morgan, who took a seat on the opposite side of the kid.

Reid felt the couch dip as Morgan sat next to him. He felt ashamed, crying like a child in front of his teammates. He had been so upset that he hadn't even heard them come in. He didn't realize they were there until he'd been startled by the small hand that had suddenly appeared on his shoulder.

JJ's touch was comforting. This time he'd been ready for her touch, trying his hardest not to flinch away. He leaned in, signaling wordlessly that he was okay with the gesture, silently hoping that maybe one of them would wrap him in a tight hug.

He knew he was being childish, but he wanted comfort. He wanted to take advantage of the touch he received from the team before they all decided to leave him, as he was now certain they would.

A large hand began slowly unwrapping his body from the ball he'd curled up into. Delicately, his legs were placed down on the floor and his arms unwrapped from the vice grip he'd had around his torso. Reid refused to look up, or even open his eyes, but he knew his friends were trying to help.

The items he'd been holding were removed by JJ, and he was now being pulled down into a laying position on Morgan's chest. The man wrapped his large arms around his torso, engulfing him in a tight hug. Reid slowly began burying his face into Morgan's chest, snaking his lanky arms around his body.

He seemed to be out of tears once again, but he'd fully exhausted himself. Keeping his eyes shut, he shakily tightened his grip on Derek, who quickly returned the gesture. He felt JJ lift his legs onto the couch and stand up. He heard her footsteps retreat into another room. She must be calling the BAU to tell them what had been found at the cabin.

Reid inadvertently let out a whimper, once again overtaken by sorrow as his mind returned to Gideon's absence. Morgan brought a hand to his head, brushing through his hair with his fingers. "I know kid, I know."

Reid's mind was hazy from all the emotion he'd been put through. His body was beginning to shut down, uncertain of how to process so much emotion.

Reid realized he must've completely shut down atop Morgan because he was abruptly jostled awake.

He was laying, awkwardly buckled, in the backseat of one of the BAU SUVs. He cracked his eyes open and turned his head towards the front of the vehicle. Morgan was driving, but where was JJ? Maybe driving his car? His brain didn't have time to process the information before he'd shut himself down once again.

The next time he was awake he became slightly aware that he was in someone's arms. Was someone carrying him? He tilted his head up, met with the stern expression of Hotch. The man wasn't looking at him, but rather straight ahead. He didn't seem to have noticed he'd opened his eyes at all. He decided to take this as a sign and let his consciousness drop off once more.

The third time his eyes opened, they found nothing but darkness. Slowly, his pupils dilated enough to where he realized he was seemingly laying on a couch in someone's office.

It was late at night, he deduced, seeing as no light was pouring through the window. A blanket had been placed atop him, a pillow under his head. Sluggishly, he managed to sit up. His head pounded from effort and he leaned forwards, burying his aching head in his hands.

After a few moments, when the pounding subsided slightly, Reid peered around the room.

He was in Hotch's office.

Pushing the blanket off his lap, Reid decided to get up. He stood slowly, using the arm of the couch as a crutch. As soon as he was standing straight, he was assaulted with a wave of dizziness. He had to stay still, clutching the arm of the couch for a bit before he could begin to move once more.

Reid stumbled slightly, clumsily making his way to the door. He opened it quietly, peering into the bullpen. The lights were turned off and no one appeared to be around. Glancing around, he noticed lights in the round table room were on. Through the windows he could see the team gathered, discussing something.

Confused, he turned and walked back into Hotch's office rubbing his face with his hands. Reid wasn't sure what they were all doing there so late. He stood there a moment, gathering the courage to go speak to the group. It was the last thing he wanted to do, still feeling incredibly raw from the events that had occurred that morning. Before he could do anything else though, someone else opened the door.

Reid quickly spun around, surprised. Hotch inched into the room, smoothly closing the door behind himself. Reid was sure he must look miserable because Hotch's face substantially softened the minute they made eye contact.

Without missing a beat, Hotch held out his arms in front of himself, offering the kid a hug. JJ had spoken of how he'd initially flinched away, so he wanted to make sure the kid was okay with being touched before initiating anything.

Reid hesitated a moment, unsure of himself. He lowered his head, not wanting Hotch to see his eyes begin to mist. After a few more moments, he stepped forward, allowing Hotch to engulf him in a hug. He slumped over slightly, making himself seem as small as possibly. Reid placed his head against the man's chest listening to his heartbeat. It was comforting.

Hotch's arms tightened around him, one rubbing his back. Reid slowly brought his own arms up, softly returning the hug. They stood like that for a few minutes before Hotch broke it. Reid absentmindedly wiped a few tears that had fallen as Hotch guided the kid over to a chair near his desk.

He flicked on a lamp and silently handed him a water bottle, urging him to drink. Reid didn't realize how thirsty he'd been until that moment, quickly downing about half the bottle before taking a breath. He put the cap back on, placing it back on the table, before making eye contact with the older man.
Hotch's eyes were full of concern. Reid immediately broke eye contact, staring down at his lap instead.

"Spencer-"

"don't" he whispered, "please, don't"

"Spencer, we need to talk about this, you're obviously not okay." Hotch gently urged.

Reid inhaled deeply, his breath catching as anguish began to fill him once more.

Hotch continued, "We don't have to talk for long. Just for a little bit, okay? I know you're not going to get over this overnight, none of us are. But we still need you to be able to function here. We can't lose you to grief, not like we lost you today. You don't have to shut us out, we want to help you."

Reid shook his head, fighting off tears. His hand unconsciously went to the crook of his elbow, body craving dilauded to fight off the pain he was feeling. Hotch noticed this and quickly stood, kneeling in front of Reid. He grabbed his hand, pulling it away from his arm and into his own hand instead.

"Spencer, please look at me." Reid blinked a few times and sniffed. He slowly turned dejected eyes to Hotch. "Please let me help." Reid stared at him for a few seconds before giving a small nod. Hotch smiled, patting his hands, before standing and moving back to where he'd previously been seated.

Reid sniffed a few times, clearing his throat before starting, voice wavering; "I j-just don't know w-what I did w-wrong. I should have t-talked to him after that case. I knew h-he was upset, b-but I didn't think…" he stopped for a moment, attempting to gather himself before continuing, "and now he's g-gone. It's like I lost my…" Reid began to shut down again, eyes clouded with painful memories of his biological father leaving. Hotch watched as the kid's eyes flicked back and forth, recalling events he couldn't see, before blinking rapidly, returning to the present. Reid swallowed, beginning again, "You know, my… d-dad left when I was twelve. That's why I'm like this. I don't like to open up because…" He cut himself off.

The two sat in silence a few moments, Hotch hoping the kid would continue on his own. It seemed he might need a little prompting though.

"because…?"

Reid mumbled something unintelligible. Hotch's brows furrowed.

"What?"
"everyone leaves me eventually…"

Hotch's eyes opened with surprise. The kid was radiating guilt and self-loathing, slumping, attempting to shrink himself down as tiny as possibly in the chair across from him.

"Reid." Hotch began. He waited until his eyes lifted to meet his before continuing. "I know your father left, and we lost Elle recently and now, well this. And I know it's hard. But sometimes this job becomes too much. I can tell you with certainty that both Elle and Gideon would have left regardless of your actions, it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong."

Reid looked unsure of himself, but Hotch continued on, "I cannot speak for your father's actions, but I do know this. Gideon left you a note because he cares. He broke, he couldn't do this job anymore, he couldn't even find it in himself to tell us in person. But he wrote YOU a note. He knew about your dad, he knew about the guilt you felt with Elle, and he wrote you that note to tell you that it wasn't your fault."

Reid nodded at Hotch's words. He knew that the man was right, but it didn't make the pain lessen.

"You're strong, probably the strongest person I know, and we'll get through this together, okay? You don't need to go through this alone. We need you to be okay, not just for the sake of the team, but because we care about you." He paused, smiling at the kid, "We're family, and family takes care of one another."

Reid grinned at this, chuckling slightly.

"Okay."