S3 E12

Reid had tried his hardest with Jack. He really had. He begged the man not to shoot the unsub, even though he might have deserved it. But the fact that Lindsey had told him, had pleaded with him to shoot the man right in front of her… Reid wasn't sure what to think.

He thought he'd gotten through to the man, he'd used all of his tactics, attempting to reason with him. But one more request by his daughter and it was over.

A gunshot echoed loudly through the high school bathroom. Reid watched as the man's head exploded from the shot, immediately feeling nauseated. He involuntarily lowered his weapon, staring in shock at the limp body lying on the floor. Blood had spattered everywhere, covering the walls and puddling in the stall.

He didn't move when Jack and Lindsey left the bathroom. He didn't move when Hotch and Morgan entered it either. Reid was fixated on the man. He'd just been alive a few seconds ago, Reid could've saved him. He should have saved him.

He didn't realize anyone was speaking to him until a hand was placed on his shoulder.

"You okay, Reid?" Morgan asked, concern in his voice.

Reid's eyes still didn't shift from the body, but he came back to himself slightly. He was still very much in a state of shock after witnessing what he saw. "I…" he choked on his words, "I tried." He shook his head lightly in a state of disbelief. Things were becoming out of focus as he was getting tunnel vision on the body, "I tried, really… I c-couldn't…"

Reid trailed off. Morgan's hand tightened on his shoulder, helping him ground himself a little more. He finally pulled his gaze away from the body, focusing on a slightly fuzzy Derek Morgan standing beside him.

"What's gunna happen to Jack?" he asked, confused. He shifted his gaze as Morgan turned his head, looking to Hotch who seemed to suddenly appear in front of them.

"It depends how important a witness he is."

Morgan removed his hand, walking out of the bathroom. But Reid seemed to be glued to the floor, his eyes now shifting back to the body once more. He stood there a few seconds before he realized that Hotch had placed his hands on his shoulders from behind and was guiding him out of the bathroom.

He felt like he was walking through a dream. He wasn't able to focus on anything and if Hotch hadn't been guiding him he was sure he would've run into something.

Hotch had moved so that he was now walking next to Reid, one hand on the nape of his neck to guide the kid forward. Reid's eyes were clouded over with fear and shame, clearly filled with guilt at not being able to save the unsub's life and scarred from the horrific scene he'd witnessed. The kid was strong, he'd been through a lot and had seen a lot in his short life. He'd get through this. But, he thought, Reid might need a helping hand with this one.

Reid let Hotch continue guiding him towards the vehicles. The man had opened the door for him and Reid clumsily piled in the vehicle's front seat, feeling like his body was moving through water. He felt strange, like he wasn't really there.

'I'm dissociating' the logical part of his brain whispered. But Reid still couldn't pull himself out of the state he'd fallen into. He felt a lot of pain and guilt and shame and confusion. He felt like he could breakdown in cry or fall asleep at the drop of a hat. He wanted to punch a wall or curl up in a corner and sob. But instead he sat still, blank eyes staring out the window, trying to process what he'd just witnessed.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there until the vehicle started moving. Nor was he certain how long the drive had taken them to get back to the precinct. Hotch had parked the car, leaving Reid inside. Reid hadn't even really noticed that they'd stopped, not until he felt the motion of the car from Hotch reentering the vehicle.

Reid blinked and suddenly they were at the airstrip. His door opened and Hotch stood, holding a hand out to guide Reid onto the plane. He swallowed, trying to get a better grip on reality. He awkwardly climbed out of the car, his body not cooperating fully with his mind. Hotch placed his hand on the nape of his neck again, guiding him towards the plane.

When they boarded, Hotch led him to the couch, sitting down next to him. They were the last to arrive, the rest of the team was already on board and, for the most part, they were all asleep or dozing off already.

Reid sat, staring straight ahead, still mentally stuck in that bathroom with the unsub who'd gotten his brain blown out.

"Reid." A quiet voice said. He blinked, trying to focus on the present. He turned his head, noticing that Hotch was still sitting there, staring at him with worry. "Come here."

Reid nodded, but didn't move. He allowed Hotch to grab his body, bringing him into his arms. The man pulled him down on top of him, making it so they were both laying on the couch. Reid's legs automatically lifted themselves onto the couch so he wouldn't be awkwardly splayed on the floor as well. He was laying on Hotch's chest, still turned sideways so he could see out the widow across from him. Hotch had his arms wrapped around him tightly, hugging him close to his chest. One hand was combing through his hand while the other rested on his back.

Reid let out an involuntary whimper as his mind began processing what had happened, but Hotch just held him tighter, offering whispered consolations. He watched out the window, mind dissociating once more, as they took off. It was dark out, and as the plane turned, he could see the lights of the small town they'd just been in.

"shhhhh… sleep Spencer. Close your eyes." Reid's body listened to the command and his eyes slipped shut. Almost immediately he seemed to drift off to sleep.

When he awoke, the plane was getting ready for landing. He was still laying on the couch, but Hotch was no longer holding him. Instead the man had moved to the seat across from him and was currently writing in a case file.

Reid began to slowly push himself up, rubbing his tired eyes. He felt a little more himself, he definitely wasn't in shock anymore, but he still felt guilty about what happened. Hotch looked at him as he roused, watching him slowly awaken. He was sure the man had been worried about him, so he sent him a small smile.

Hotch looked back down at his file. "You're coming to my place tonight Spencer," he stated. Reid opened his mouth to argue but the man spoke again before he could get a word out, "-and no arguing with me. We're both tired and I will drag you to my house if I have to so I wouldn't even try."

Reid shut his mouth in resignation. There was no use arguing with the man. It had never worked before. Plus, when he'd refused to go in the past Hotch HAD physically dragged and/or carried him to his home, so he knew the man wasn't bluffing. He nodded, staring out the window as the ground became closer and closer. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to go to Hotch's house, he didn't really want to be alone anyways.

When they landed, everyone awoke and tiredly gathered their things. Everyone was exhausted. Luckily, Hotch had called ahead for someone to come pick them up, that way no one had to try to drive.

Reid piled in the car with Hotch. He'd gotten in the backseat and Hotch sat up front with the driver. Clearly, Hotch was trying to stay awake, not allowing himself to sleep until they were safely home. Reid tried to do the same thing but ended up drifting off to sleep fairly quickly.

Hotch shook him awake, holding the car door open. Reid's eyes sluggishly opened; body completely drained of energy. Hotch must have seen the fatigue on Reid's face because before he could even attempt to coordinate the movement of his limbs, Hotch was lifting him into his arms.

His arms gently grasped him under his knees and behind his back, easily lifting him into a bridal carry. Reid let his head lull against the man's shoulders, too tired to argue against the notion. The man must have gone inside and set his stuff down before getting Reid because the door was already open and the light on when Hotch had carried him up the porch.

He swiftly brought him in, depositing the kid in the guest bedroom. Reid immediately began curling into the sheets but Hotch stopped him.

"Reid you need to change before you go to bed."

"Mmmmmmmm." Was Reid's reply. He was way too tired to care.

"Come on Spencer." Hotch was hoisting him into a sitting position. "it'll only take a minute."

"mmmm kay." Reid opened his eyes as much as he could, trying to stay awake. Hotch was looking for his pajamas in Reid's go-bag. Reid began clumsily taking off his shoes before attempting to unbutton his shirt. Hotch quickly located the pajamas and began helping Reid undress. Reid quickly redressed himself in pajamas with the help of Hotch and, finally, Reid laid back, much more comfortable. He almost immediately passed out, exhaustion coming back full force.

Hotch gently sat on the bed next to him, as he would with his own son, and combed through his hair. He gently patted the kid's head before standing to leave. He turned out the lights and closed the door to a crack. Reid had clearly already fallen asleep as his breaths had evened out already. He smiled, adoration filling his body. Hopefully the kid would be up to talk a little in the morning.

Hotch wanted to make sure he was okay after the horrible scene he'd witnessed today.

When Reid woke the next morning, he felt back to his normal self. Surprisingly, he'd slept pretty well.

He walked to out into the kitchen, finding Hotch. The man was still in his pajamas and was cooking pancakes on the griddle. Hotch smiled when he saw him and immediately handed him a cup of coffee. Reid walked to the bar and sat down, slowly sipping his drink.

A few minutes later, Hotch handed Reid some pancakes and sat next to him. The two ate side by side, talking about nothing in particular.

"Reid." Hotch said after they'd lapsed into silence for a moment. "I want to talk to you about what happened yesterday."

Reid frowned, but he nodded, knowing it would be better if he discussed it now rather than later.

"I really tried Hotch, I just… I couldn't get him to change his mind about-"

"I know Reid." Hotch interrupted. Reid turned his head to make eye contact with the man as he continued. "I have no doubt you did all you could. Jack had made up his mind before he'd even entered the school. He made up his mind the minute he snuck out of the police department. There's nothing you could have done. Don't blame yourself for this, he was going to pull the trigger regardless of what you said to him."

Reid shook his head slightly, becoming distressed, "If I'd gotten there a little faster- or if I'd figured out where he'd went faster then maybe I could have-"
"Reid. Stop." Hotch stated. "You'll drive yourself crazy with 'what if's'. We cannot change the past. I know you blame yourself for the unsub's death, but we can't save everyone, and his blood is not on your hands."

Reid nodded. He knew it would take a while before he could actually think that way, but he knew there was some truth to what Hotch was saying. He knew blaming himself would do no one any good, and the man was certainly not an innocent victim, but it was hard not to feel responsible. Still, he would try to take Hotch's advice.

Hotch smiled, patting Reid on the back. The two began eating once more, returning to a lighter subject of conversation. When they'd finished, they both rinsed their dishes and began walking to separate rooms in order to get dressed and ready for the workday. Before he'd walked all the way out of the room though, Reid stopped, turning around.

"Hotch?" he said. Hotch stopped in his tracks, turning back to face the boy. Reid smiled, "Thanks for inviting me to stay last night. I needed you, even if I didn't want to admit it."

Hotch took a few steps forward, gathering Reid into a hug. "You're always welcome to stay here, Spencer." He then ended the hug, backing up a bit but not letting go of the kid's arms. He smiled warmly, looking into his eyes. "I needed you here too."