Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the creator of the HP universe and its characters. I do not own anything except the rather strange plot bunny, and I solely profit in reviews.
Years Ago From Now: Chapter Eleven
Lucius led the way through the floo, and when she stumbled out on the other side, he caught her. Something about the jarred movement through the channel snapped her out of her stupor. She pulled away to see his expression turn from one of delight to a certain disappointment.
"I apologize if I embarrassed you," he said, frowning slightly with a strange look in his eyes.
She shook her head, feeling herself blush. "You took me by surprise is all," she responded, looking anywhere but at his face.
She felt him take a halting step toward her, a hand raised as if to take one of her own. She stepped back, causing him to sigh and drop his hand.
"From what you have said… we can have happiness together. True happiness that doesn't seem to constitute only an alliance. I know that your impression of me in your old life was very negative, but you know who I am. You know what I believe. How long do you plan to fight against fate?"
She shook her head, trying to find a protest within her that seemed to be hiding behind something else inside of her that she couldn't quite identify. Lucius smiled sadly, stepping back.
"I will be spending most of my time at Gringotts and with my solicitor tomorrow. There is a merger with a company that I need to oversee and finalize. Sunday should be rather busy as well, but I can make an effort to be here with you if you like."
"That won't be necessary," she said, finding the courage to look up at him finally.
Lucius nodded, though he seemed a bit disappointed in her answer. "The appointment with the healer is at eight on Tuesday morning. Do you mind if I attend or do you prefer for it to be private?"
She looked at him in surprise, then. "Well, I… he's more your son than mine, isn't he? If you want to be there, you should."
Lucius smiled gently. "Very well. I'll meet you in the foyer at ten to eight. Also, just so you are aware of my feelings on the matter - you will be doing more for this baby than Narcissa ever did. He will be just as much your son as he is mine."
He took a few steps toward her then and leaned down, gently kissing her cheek. "Goodnight, Cissa. You were wonderful tonight."
On Sunday morning, Hermione was lounging in her favorite chair in the library when an owl flew in through the open window, landing at her side. She frowned at the unfamiliar bird. The owl was solid black and angry looking, but it obediently held out its leg so that she could remove the missive.
Unfolding the letter and reading, the frown deepened.
Dearest Sister,
I was disappointed to see you leave the party so early. Mother and Father didn't even get to say goodbye.
I was taken by surprise to see your interaction with your husband. You have led me to believe that there was no affection between the two of you, and that is clearly not the case. Are you well?
Rabastan is, understandably, quite upset. He fancies himself in love with you, as you well know! Are his dreams of eventually marrying you becoming more and more just that?
Please let me know more details on this rather strange turn of events. You certainly did seem enamored, and I need to know how to handle Rabastan's whinging. Hopefully I can manage to allay his fears. Rodolphus certainly isn't helping matters. He laughs whenever it is brought up which has caused a few less than friendly duels between the two this weekend.
Love,
Bellatrix
Hermione was not sure how to respond to such a letter. The plan had been to start showing some form of affection for each other after the next appointment on Monday, but Lucius had kind of blown that out of the water.
At the same time, Lucius had apparently played his role to perfection… and caused her to do the same. The thought of the kiss caused her to lick her lips without thinking about it, and upon the realization she quickly wiped her mouth on her sleeve in a rather unladylike fashion.
She had spent too much time keeping a healthy level of separation from Lucius to allow herself to form some kind of real attachment for him now. Not until every last possible way of returning home had been stricken. She was nervous to admit that the day she had to face this time as her new reality was rapidly approaching.
As it stood, she found herself tearing the letter in half and letting it fall to the floor before returning to her book.
Tuesday morning, Hermione was already at the table eating a delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs when Lucius walked in. She had just taken a bite of bacon when she felt him swoop down to place a kiss on her cheek. The action forced a blush.
"You are going to have to work on that," he commented lightly as he seated himself in his usual spot.
She looked up at him in confusion. "Work on what?" she asked, feeling a bit defensive at being told that she needed to improve herself, even if it was unclear what she was to better about herself.
He smirked, not bothering to look up at her as he dished his own plate. "Your blushing. The surprised reactions. I never saw Narcissa blush or surprised. She had an uncanny ability to control every single micro-expression, much better than my own. Also, if it is supposed to be convincing that you are falling in love with me, you shouldn't seem so taken aback and uncomfortable when I show you normal affection in front of people."
Hermione didn't respond but turned her attention to her plate instead.
"Of course, I do not mind your blushing in the least when we are in private. It reminds me that I am now married to an actual human being, not a hag masquerading as a porcelain doll. It is quite beautiful to see the fire in your eyes."
She felt the blush return though she kept her head ducked, inspiring a chuckle from her husband.
He allowed her to eat the rest of her breakfast in peace, only speaking again when they had both finished. "Are you ready to go, Cissa?" he asked, bringing his attention back to her once more.
Hermione nodded and a moment later felt Lucius start to pull the chair out so that she could stand.
The floo to the doctor's office was silent after a warning from her husband. "Remember… almost everyone in pureblood society and most outside know that we do not have a warm marriage. Civil but no more until after."
As she walked out of the floo into the St. Mungo's reception area, she tapped her foot as she "impatiently" waited for her husband to emerge from the hearth. A moment later he did, and she took his arm as if it was a professional courtesy. The didn't speak or even look away from their projected path as they made their way to the birthing ward.
They walked to the check in desk to speak with the Welcome Witch.
"Narcissa Malfoy for Healer Wynne," she said dispassionately.
The young witch looked up before nodding. "Yes, Mrs. Malfoy. I am afraid Healer Wynne is running a little late this morning. A lot of births last night considering the full moon. He should be along shortly though. May I get you a cup of tea or some water while you wait?"
Hermione forced herself to sneer lightly at the pretty young woman. "Perhaps Healer Wynne should learn to delegate her tasks. Does she not remember who her appointment is with this morning?"
She could practically feel Lucius roll his eyes next to her. "Come, Narcissa. Ms. Delroy is only a receptionist. She should not be expected to keep Healer Wynne to task. Do you not remember Ms. Delroy, dear? She was in the year under me at school. A… Hufflepuff, was it?"
His words were not cruel or even insulting but the delivery was, and the woman bristled even more.
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy. A Hufflepuff," she said, barely keeping the contempt out of her voice.
Lucius nodded magnanimously, as if he had done her a great service by remembering her and calling off his wife before leading Narcissa to a seat.
Hermione sat down and waited for him to take the seat next to her before speaking again. "You are inordinately talented at playing a pureblood snob," she said in a quiet voice, slightly impressed.
"The best role an actor can take is that of himself, Cissa," Lucius said, smirking. "I am a pureblood snob. Just not a maniac."
Healer Wynne entered the room a few minutes late with a sigh. "I apologize for the wait. I had an unexpected appointment with a new mother struggling with her newborn. You would think after having five babies previously, she would understand the stresses of a newborn. Although, I'll admit the babe did seem to have a particularly bad disposition."
She shook her head, seeming to also mentally shake off the difficulties with her last patient.
"How are you doing, Mrs. Malfoy? Has your memory returned?"
Hermione shook her head in accordance with the plan. Continuing the charade would help a bit, they just needed to control to what extent the information was dispersed.
"I am afraid not," she replied simply, frowning.
Lucius reached out and took her hand, a motion that had the healer's eyes seem slightly lightened. She aimed her wand taking the necessary scans.
She was quiet for a few moments before sighing, suddenly. "How are you coping with your memory loss?"
Hermione frowned, looking up at Lucius for a moment and trying to be believable. "I… I am thankful for Lucius. He has been an incredible help to me and very patient. I believe we are coping quite well."
Healer Wynne nodded, looking at Lucius with a weight that had him straighten slightly.
"And you, Mr. Malfoy? Also, please remember, I am bound to secrecy. You may speak freely."
Lucius nodded. "It was hard at first. I decided to be very open with Narcissa about what her relationship and life was like with me. I believe that her lack of memory and vulnerability has actually made things a bit better for us. We are interacting much more, and I would consider her to be a friend. She is very different from the woman I married."
Healer Wynne smiled lightly as she sat down on a small stool. "That is good to hear, especially considering what I have to tell you."
Lucius and Hermione listened more closely, wondering what would be said, their hands gripping tighter to each other subconsciously.
"The rifts between your magic, body, and consciousness is almost non-existent. Normally, the rifts closing would mean healing. Unfortunately, it can sometimes mean that your magic is making mends despite the wound, like skelegrow making a new bone to connect two other bones. It does not approximate the old bone, it creates a new one. Do you understand?"
They were silent as they thoughts of what her words meant to them. A light entered Lucius's eyes, while Hermione felt her stomach sink. Hermione Granger had become Narcissa, and Narcissa had become Hermione Granger.
"I am afraid the likelihood of regaining your memory unassisted is unlikely, if not entirely impossible. I have consulted with a specialized mind healer, not using your name. He is willing to attempt Legilimency to help, though it is very invasive as you can imagine. He also believed it would be a long shot if the rift had healed as much as I am seeing," she continued, looking sadly at the pair.
Hermione looked up at Lucius in a panic, and Lucius smiled, though his eyes spoke the truth to her. That isn't an option. She knew that, of course.
She felt tears come to her eyes as she looked back at the healer. "And… and if I don't want to do that?"
Healer Wynne smiled sadly. "Then you make the life you want. Don't rely on who you are told you were, but continue making yourself into the woman you want to be. Live. Pursue happiness and peace."
Hermione looked at Lucius once more. She was going to have to embrace her new life and shed the old skin of Hermione Granger, growing into the serpentine flesh of Narcissa Malfoy. He met her eyes and seemed to see turmoil there. He leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"It will all be okay. I promise. We will be okay. I'll make it so," he whispered.
Hermione reached a hand up, wiping the tears from her eyes that had released at his words. She nodded and took a deep breath before speaking. "Then, I will live."
The healer nodded, smiling grimly. "I believe you have all the tools at your disposal to live prosperously regardless of this happening."
Lucius cleared his throat. "Healer Wynne, I must be blunt. We have kept Narcissa's accident a secret. We worry that the population knowing would cause undue stress to her and the baby. We must ask that you keep it a secret yourself."
Abecca Wynne looked surprised to say the least. "You mean that no one other than the three of us know what has happened?"
Hermione nodded. "Yes. I… I didn't want to be looked at strangely, and I didn't want an influx of visitors hoping to help 'jog my memory', so to speak. I don't know if there will come a time when I will want more people to know but… I don't want to become a spectacle."
Healer Wynne sighed, frowning as she looked them over seriously. "I cannot tell you what to do. I can promise my discretion, of course. However, I must say that I feel as if you should consider telling people. It seems like a lot of work to pretend to be someone you do not remember. In fact, from what Lucius told me… you are very different. How do you expect to pull it off?"
Hermione smiled sadly. "People change. If we decide to tell people, fine. For now, your silence."
Abecca was quiet for a moment before nodding resolutely. "Very well. Shall we check on the baby, then?"
Upon arriving at Malfoy Manor, Hermione felt her legs weaken. Lucius walked her to her room, a hand steady on her waist. Arriving at her bedroom door, he stopped and looked down to meet her eye.
He looked at her for several moments. "I sense, more than before, that this was not what you wanted. I… understand that. I will give you time to come to terms with everything, but… please know that I will be here the moment you call for me."
Hermione closed her eyes, feeling a tear fall from one as she nodded. She felt the pads of his finger wipe it away. "It will be okay," he whispered once more. Then, he was gone.
A few hours later, she responded to the letter with a determination she mustered from deep within herself.
Dear Sister,
Today, we went to the appointment with the healer that I mentioned would be occurring.
You knew of my general distaste to the idea of motherhood, at the very least with someone like Lucius. I have to admit, though… upon seeing the scans recently I cannot help but feel as if I am possibly being pulled in another direction.
My son will be born in June, and I will be doing my very best to see to the fact that he will be raised in a way that would make the Black family proud. He may not be the Black heir by name, but he certainly will be by countenance.
As to my relationship with Lucius, I think we can both agree that a child raised in a family with two parents is better than a child raised with one parent. Lucius would never let me have our son outright, anyway. As the heir, our child's interests lie mostly with the Malfoy family.
I have decided to attempt, at the least, a partnership in more than just the sharing of our finances and last name. I plan to attempt to truly make Lucius into a man that I can be proud to have at my side. It will be a lot of hard work, unquestionably, but given the scene you witnessed… I think he is quite capable in many ways. He is capable of being more to me and to our esteemed acquaintances.
The woman makes the man, they say… and I am certainly woman enough to make two.
Rabastan should already know that Black women do not change their minds easily, and it is in his best interest to move on. Our time together was fun, but there are bigger things ahead for both of us. His services, while at one time appreciated, are no longer required.
I trust the delivery of such information to your capable hands, sister.
Toujour Pur & Sanctimonia Vincet Semper,
Narcissa Black Malfoy
P.S. Do tell Rodolphus to control himself.
Thank you for all of your reviews. Again, I welcome constructive criticism and your thoughts.
And now a note that you are more than welcome to skip over: Constructive criticism is something that will make the story or its writing on the whole better. Things I can fix going forward or continuity errors that need to be addressed. Without having a team of editors or a hefty paycheck coming out of this, I do not personally have the inclination to go back and fix the few typos or grammatical errors I make.
Criticism (especially from someone that does not write on here themselves) that involves calling me an unskilled writer or illiterate from someone who insists on pointing out tiny errors chapter after chapter is decidedly unwelcome. If you feel the need to continue reading when those are the quality of your reviews: please, just read and don't review (even under a guest name to be sly). It will save us both time. Then be thankful that you are, despite apparently being so very literate, not published on this website as I would happily edit your own writing and make it bleed.